well.......i read the responses on the other post. i have nothing to say and really no opinion at present.
i havent posted in awhile cuz i tried to slit my wrists and was in hospital after my mother said "i hate u, u were a mistake, ur the reason i have all my medical problems, cuz after i had u, i got post natal depression which turned into a chemical imbalance and because u were such a big baby, i now have a bowel prolapse, u were the biggest mistake of my life and i hate u". i ran out of my grandparents house hearing my nan screaming at my mother "how could u say such things to ur own daughter". im soooo glad my nan heard as she probably wouldnt of beleived even my so called mother could be so cold!!
so anyway......as far as im concerned she is my mother no more. my nan is and has always been! i call her by her name only IF i have to speak to her! she has absolutely done it, i have NO mother and dont miss her at all!
im going into the rch, kids hospital on monday to look at the job register and some volunteer work perhaps. i dont want to end up like my mother and will do all it takes to stop that happening!!!! (im rubbing oil into my left wrist to make the scarring dissappear!. it was just my left one).
i do what i need to get me through these days.... i dont take street drugs, im on medication from my doctor, i am going to seek counselling but as far as my mother is concerned, she could drop dead and i wouldnt care! sound harsh? well u kinda get this hardness about u after a while of knocks! and as ive been told, and experienced so far, it is a hard cold world out there, so i might as well look after myself! i feel ive changed after what ive been through...now.
anyway, take care to anyones who cares to read.
i care elvis and many other here do to and love you and are very concerned.
this is a safe place for you and we all love you here no matter what your taking.
we just want you to be healthy and safe.
i think you would be so happy getiing your OWN place............
you will feel much better about yourself and it wont really matter what your family says or thinks................
i am so sorry your having such a difficult time with them , its time to FLY elvis and live your life and be happy.................
do you have a boyfriend or do you have any cute guys that you like?
thumper
this is a safe place for you and we all love you here no matter what your taking.
we just want you to be healthy and safe.
i think you would be so happy getiing your OWN place............
you will feel much better about yourself and it wont really matter what your family says or thinks................
i am so sorry your having such a difficult time with them , its time to FLY elvis and live your life and be happy.................
do you have a boyfriend or do you have any cute guys that you like?
thumper
E,
(i have posted you a little before, but dont know the hole thing........but i hope you dont mind i really want to share this with you)
Im not sure exactly why God gives us struggles with our parents, but they are there..............and out of all the problems i also find those the most painfull.........so from me to you, i understand how numbing that pain is..........
But......................today my mother gave me something that hit home, it was just a little quote.........but i relized how true it is, and for that i am gratefull......
sometimes it is hard to let go of ..........our fear and insequrities, we get so use to having them all around us................. any way's i posted it somewhere else but would like to put it here also..............
"You are the only one you have control over- Improving youself often has the same effect on others"
now, i didnt exactly put it to work in the way that she intedid but, i hit me none the less.............
my goal and only goal now is to take care of my self................my hole life i have taken care of absolutly eveyone but me..............and i think it is my turn to work on me..................... so i think maybe that would be good for you to............take time, get healthy and happy, and take care of your self instead of.............hating being in your own skin..................
God made us all beautiful people, what a shame it would be to live life and never see what the person on the other side of the mirror sees in that reflection?
well................this is just me rambeling
take care of yourself ok
Pants
(i have posted you a little before, but dont know the hole thing........but i hope you dont mind i really want to share this with you)
Im not sure exactly why God gives us struggles with our parents, but they are there..............and out of all the problems i also find those the most painfull.........so from me to you, i understand how numbing that pain is..........
But......................today my mother gave me something that hit home, it was just a little quote.........but i relized how true it is, and for that i am gratefull......
sometimes it is hard to let go of ..........our fear and insequrities, we get so use to having them all around us................. any way's i posted it somewhere else but would like to put it here also..............
"You are the only one you have control over- Improving youself often has the same effect on others"
now, i didnt exactly put it to work in the way that she intedid but, i hit me none the less.............
my goal and only goal now is to take care of my self................my hole life i have taken care of absolutly eveyone but me..............and i think it is my turn to work on me..................... so i think maybe that would be good for you to............take time, get healthy and happy, and take care of your self instead of.............hating being in your own skin..................
God made us all beautiful people, what a shame it would be to live life and never see what the person on the other side of the mirror sees in that reflection?
well................this is just me rambeling
take care of yourself ok
Pants
thanks thumper and pants. well as of monday im looking actively for a job in the rch! and willl do volunteer work there if necessary!!! i want nothing to do with my parents anymore. id hate to turn out anything like them and its not healthy for me to be here!!!
cant beleive i cut my wrist over her! HER!!!!!! its almost laughable, as my nan has said "prove her wrong"!!!! I INTEND TO!!
night for now xoxoox
cant beleive i cut my wrist over her! HER!!!!!! its almost laughable, as my nan has said "prove her wrong"!!!! I INTEND TO!!
night for now xoxoox
Elvis I f you truly cut yourself do you not think you should maybe look at some mental hospital? for YOUR MENTAL and DRUG problem.
And your pills are as street as they come. No doctor would give you any drug with your history. So what because your in a fuzzy warm office LYING your way to another script or two your is no different than a street addict.
Elvis why do you keep coming back here? You can't tell me you doubt your support here.
What disappears for 3-4 days and then come back and wit ha flippant attitude I cut myself.
Elvis Ilove to try and help people but your the first person I honestly can say I have not the experience to further your recovery effort.
Whether you cut yourself or just looking for some more attention you are a very sick woman and I pray you get the help you deserve.
From What I read by other posters and what you shared you have a lot of positives in your life.
Elvis it seems like you love your NAN so much. But its so sad as you never talk about spending any positive times (To MY Knowledge anyway) with your Nan.
Go past your posts and look at how all are negative. If someone is nice to you? you respond back. Otherwise you either lash out or just do not answer the poster
'
But you dwell on the negative only.
Elvis Why do you not go help yourself?? what are you afraid of?
The board supports you. Your Nan supports you/?? Sheet Elvis your wasting all these days and as they pass so does one more day of your nan's life.
God forbid the day comes NO NAN THEN WHAT??Elvis do you not think you should be spending quality time with the ones you love?
Hope someone knocks some sense into You
Its a shame.
Good Luck E
Elvis
And your pills are as street as they come. No doctor would give you any drug with your history. So what because your in a fuzzy warm office LYING your way to another script or two your is no different than a street addict.
Elvis why do you keep coming back here? You can't tell me you doubt your support here.
What disappears for 3-4 days and then come back and wit ha flippant attitude I cut myself.
Elvis Ilove to try and help people but your the first person I honestly can say I have not the experience to further your recovery effort.
Whether you cut yourself or just looking for some more attention you are a very sick woman and I pray you get the help you deserve.
From What I read by other posters and what you shared you have a lot of positives in your life.
Elvis it seems like you love your NAN so much. But its so sad as you never talk about spending any positive times (To MY Knowledge anyway) with your Nan.
Go past your posts and look at how all are negative. If someone is nice to you? you respond back. Otherwise you either lash out or just do not answer the poster
'
But you dwell on the negative only.
Elvis Why do you not go help yourself?? what are you afraid of?
The board supports you. Your Nan supports you/?? Sheet Elvis your wasting all these days and as they pass so does one more day of your nan's life.
God forbid the day comes NO NAN THEN WHAT??Elvis do you not think you should be spending quality time with the ones you love?
Hope someone knocks some sense into You
Its a shame.
Good Luck E
Elvis
Hey Jeff gotta love them Cowgirls? (LOL) Shantel
E,
What were you doing at your mom's? I thought you moved to Lily's house. If you haven't, you should and make sure to sever contact with your mom and dad. They just make you unhappy (and your Nan, too!) Good about the job. You need it to feel useful and productive. I guarantee you'll be happier.
What were you doing at your mom's? I thought you moved to Lily's house. If you haven't, you should and make sure to sever contact with your mom and dad. They just make you unhappy (and your Nan, too!) Good about the job. You need it to feel useful and productive. I guarantee you'll be happier.
Elvis,
Only in a rare case would I tell someone to get away from their parents, and NOT try to make things right...but that is what you need to do. Stay away from your mom, stay away from your dad. They are toxic. They have deep problems of their own and they are taking it out on you. Don't take what they say to heart, because they are ill. Yes, mentally ill, and I do not mean that with any disrespect, mental illness is rampant in my family also.
Mental illness causes people to think, do and say illogical things, because their thoughts are illogical and irrational. If you react to that by doing things that are harmful to you, you are adding to the whole family problem.
The best thing you can do is get yourself together and do positive things for yourself. I am disturbed that you tried to harm yourself. I know you are suffering, but the only way out is through. Honey, pills or no pills, you should consider checking yourself into a treatment facility that can help you learn to process your anger and grief.
But this post wouldn't be finished if I didn't mention this....You are going to have to face another detox at some point. You know this. It's probably best to just do it now. That way you can properly process the feelings you are experiencing. It will put you so far ahead of the whole process.
(((HUGS))) You have my email, use it any time. I'm here for you.
Only in a rare case would I tell someone to get away from their parents, and NOT try to make things right...but that is what you need to do. Stay away from your mom, stay away from your dad. They are toxic. They have deep problems of their own and they are taking it out on you. Don't take what they say to heart, because they are ill. Yes, mentally ill, and I do not mean that with any disrespect, mental illness is rampant in my family also.
Mental illness causes people to think, do and say illogical things, because their thoughts are illogical and irrational. If you react to that by doing things that are harmful to you, you are adding to the whole family problem.
The best thing you can do is get yourself together and do positive things for yourself. I am disturbed that you tried to harm yourself. I know you are suffering, but the only way out is through. Honey, pills or no pills, you should consider checking yourself into a treatment facility that can help you learn to process your anger and grief.
But this post wouldn't be finished if I didn't mention this....You are going to have to face another detox at some point. You know this. It's probably best to just do it now. That way you can properly process the feelings you are experiencing. It will put you so far ahead of the whole process.
(((HUGS))) You have my email, use it any time. I'm here for you.
Hi Elvis!
As a Mother, I can tell you that nothing said to you is acceptable or normal. Obviously both your parents are highly dysfunctional. I hope you find your way in life and thrive despite the lousy way you've been treated. Never forget how precious you are and deserving of a happy life.
Take care.
xxxxxooooo
As a Mother, I can tell you that nothing said to you is acceptable or normal. Obviously both your parents are highly dysfunctional. I hope you find your way in life and thrive despite the lousy way you've been treated. Never forget how precious you are and deserving of a happy life.
Take care.
xxxxxooooo
I ditto atlas and tina. Your mom has her own issues. That is not what you need to be around, not at all.
Now, about those pills prescribed; what are we talking about?
The option to come here is still open...I live right across the street to the beach.
Get some counseling for you; you have definate potential and your parents ARE toxic.
Now, about those pills prescribed; what are we talking about?
The option to come here is still open...I live right across the street to the beach.
Get some counseling for you; you have definate potential and your parents ARE toxic.
E...I know that you struggle terribly with alot of things right now...I am sorry for that and pray that you find your way...please seek out some help love...you need it desperately...no shame in that! My prayers are with you...
Shantel...couldn't help but notice how incredibly insensitive you are....do you really think this is a joke? I don't and am not sure about others but I am so offended!
At least you started posting under an appropriate name...thats it I am out!
Good luck elvis!
Shantel...couldn't help but notice how incredibly insensitive you are....do you really think this is a joke? I don't and am not sure about others but I am so offended!
At least you started posting under an appropriate name...thats it I am out!
Good luck elvis!
KEE KEE Hi- how Ya doing.
No bigger Football fan than I. No response to her. I am not perfect learning but shoot Elvis Post she is a unique situation.,
Shantel Start a Football Thread--There should be a goos-a football and any other subject us addicts want to discuss.
Shantel since Kee kee responded ---your cowboys are done?FORK finished.
Parcells will b e golfing with Rumsfeld soon. In the meantime The COWGIRLS SUCK--Your Yankee's you still never payed up the loss of your bet.
Thetas shameful
Speaking of COWGIRLS???
Anyone here from COWGIRL.
Its my memory so dangerous but recall she was going for a procedure?? Hole in the heart?
ANYONE?????
Jeff
No bigger Football fan than I. No response to her. I am not perfect learning but shoot Elvis Post she is a unique situation.,
Shantel Start a Football Thread--There should be a goos-a football and any other subject us addicts want to discuss.
Shantel since Kee kee responded ---your cowboys are done?FORK finished.
Parcells will b e golfing with Rumsfeld soon. In the meantime The COWGIRLS SUCK--Your Yankee's you still never payed up the loss of your bet.
Thetas shameful
Speaking of COWGIRLS???
Anyone here from COWGIRL.
Its my memory so dangerous but recall she was going for a procedure?? Hole in the heart?
ANYONE?????
Jeff
wow.....u guys continue to amaze me.....i didnt think id get any really good replys back from my initial post but the bulk of u are so supportive!!!! thankyou! i had to really hear what some of u had to say!!! when i heard this, i was hearing it for the first time in my life ever "As a Mother, I can tell you that nothing said to you is acceptable or normal". i thanked god as i have always thought this, but no one would ever say it to me. i know its true and have to admit i always feel better inside myself when ive either been away from here, or they havent been home to speak to me for the day or night, as its always so negative!! ive always said to my nan that i dont think i would of ever had a pill prob without this environment and i realise this is true!
i can also honestly say that i am not lying to any doctor. i have been seeing ONE! my gp, and i am on anti-depressants...."Anafranil". i dont doctor shop anymore lol, just the thought of it makes me laugh. firstly i cant be stuffed, secondly the last other doctor i went and lied to told me he had a letter from the health dep....or whereever letting him know just how much i get and who i see, so i dont bother!! ....... jeff. and yes i do take some benzos occassionally but they are by my same gp too and he is the prescriber! they go through the chemist who never give me a bottle.....they look after them, as they know ive had a prob and my nan cant do it anymore so the chemist does!!! much easier on my nan this way!!!! who i cant beleive anyone would even doubt my respect for jeff!! how dare u question my love for my grandmother!!! i spend alot of time with my grandparents!!! i am down there all the time, i go when i know no one else is going down there, so i can spend some quality time there!!! its no good for example if my mother is already there! the day before yest i took my grandpa out!!! how dare u jeff! just because i dont mention them all the time, doesnt mean u know anymore about my life!!!!
anyway.....darn now my mind is off track cuz mr.drugfree got me all riled up!....um i called the hospital and am waiting for a reply about the volunteer work. my wrist is healing up ok. it was stupid for me to do that and i realise that now! ive only been noticing lately just how much i do let them get to me at times and i thank the majority of u for the advice u have given me!! i do come here for support. i admit that. and i truly thank those that give me some. and littlebeach ur offer, i realised today how serious u were and im so sincere when i say how blown away i am about how someone could offer someone they dont even know as well as other people in my life do, offer me what u have! there are some lovely people out there!!!
i realise now i have been holding myself back from breaking free. what could be the purpose of why i do this......? hold myself back? i guess perhaps i am really scared of the unknown out there?! or scared of my grandparents getting upset too if something changes in their life.....a change that i might make for myself even perhaps?!
i love my friends here......take care xoxxoxoxoxoox
p.s speaking of friends, i hope cowgirl is doing better!!!!
i can also honestly say that i am not lying to any doctor. i have been seeing ONE! my gp, and i am on anti-depressants...."Anafranil". i dont doctor shop anymore lol, just the thought of it makes me laugh. firstly i cant be stuffed, secondly the last other doctor i went and lied to told me he had a letter from the health dep....or whereever letting him know just how much i get and who i see, so i dont bother!! ....... jeff. and yes i do take some benzos occassionally but they are by my same gp too and he is the prescriber! they go through the chemist who never give me a bottle.....they look after them, as they know ive had a prob and my nan cant do it anymore so the chemist does!!! much easier on my nan this way!!!! who i cant beleive anyone would even doubt my respect for jeff!! how dare u question my love for my grandmother!!! i spend alot of time with my grandparents!!! i am down there all the time, i go when i know no one else is going down there, so i can spend some quality time there!!! its no good for example if my mother is already there! the day before yest i took my grandpa out!!! how dare u jeff! just because i dont mention them all the time, doesnt mean u know anymore about my life!!!!
anyway.....darn now my mind is off track cuz mr.drugfree got me all riled up!....um i called the hospital and am waiting for a reply about the volunteer work. my wrist is healing up ok. it was stupid for me to do that and i realise that now! ive only been noticing lately just how much i do let them get to me at times and i thank the majority of u for the advice u have given me!! i do come here for support. i admit that. and i truly thank those that give me some. and littlebeach ur offer, i realised today how serious u were and im so sincere when i say how blown away i am about how someone could offer someone they dont even know as well as other people in my life do, offer me what u have! there are some lovely people out there!!!
i realise now i have been holding myself back from breaking free. what could be the purpose of why i do this......? hold myself back? i guess perhaps i am really scared of the unknown out there?! or scared of my grandparents getting upset too if something changes in their life.....a change that i might make for myself even perhaps?!
i love my friends here......take care xoxxoxoxoxoox
p.s speaking of friends, i hope cowgirl is doing better!!!!
Elvis what is a good reply? One that tells you what you want to hear.
Jeff
Jeff
Elvis hun moms can be cruel!!! I could tell you things that would bring tears to your eyes too.You cannot control what your mom says or feels.YOU can however keep working on you.Elvis though I may not post to you much I do read, do you have ANY idea just how far youve come???
Let your mom say those mean things,let that be on her.You beautiful girl just keep fighting for YOU & the life you can build.
Im sorry those words hurt.I know more than most realize how badly they can hurt.But Elvis you must know by now you are a good person just trying to find her way.
Please dont give your mom that kind of power over you.Your worth so much more than what her words said.
You are loved dear girl
Let your mom say those mean things,let that be on her.You beautiful girl just keep fighting for YOU & the life you can build.
Im sorry those words hurt.I know more than most realize how badly they can hurt.But Elvis you must know by now you are a good person just trying to find her way.
Please dont give your mom that kind of power over you.Your worth so much more than what her words said.
You are loved dear girl
Elvis........
Ditto what Mj said................Never give anyone that kind of control over you or your emotions Elvis.
Find you own way, You are stronger than you think. Keep posting.
Hugs.
Kee Kee............Thank you. Big Hugs.
Ditto what Mj said................Never give anyone that kind of control over you or your emotions Elvis.
Find you own way, You are stronger than you think. Keep posting.
Hugs.
Kee Kee............Thank you. Big Hugs.
Elvis,
I'm afraid Jeff is right. Often times, the things we dont want to hear, are the things we need to. Good luck.
Regards,
Tom
I'm afraid Jeff is right. Often times, the things we dont want to hear, are the things we need to. Good luck.
Regards,
Tom
E...you were at your Nan's house when this happend, right? I'm glad that she was there to hear all of that. Stay away from your mother right now. Until you get some counseling and a little time under your belt, you can't deal with her right now.
My guess is that you didn't really want to kill yourself, you wanted people to stand up and take notice, right? To see that you were hurt? Well, we see it and we are here for you. But honey, we can't help you the way a counselor can. Please think about it.
Love
Cowgirl
My guess is that you didn't really want to kill yourself, you wanted people to stand up and take notice, right? To see that you were hurt? Well, we see it and we are here for you. But honey, we can't help you the way a counselor can. Please think about it.
Love
Cowgirl
Lisa I am not starting a fight.. Hope your feeling O.K--Good luck tomm? with doctor.
Lisa None of us know exactly where this woman is at mentally. Only by her words do we know that she is denial and very sick. Her disease is really got her bad. Then add all the family crap? Suicide attempt coming off the benzos as she only is taking a minimal amount could push her over the edge//
What I am trying to say in a nice way is this woman needs to be in a hospital.
We all know you cant take a few benzos. We all kn ow this person is in AN awful situation BUT DOES NOTHING TO CHANGE.
God a rehab would be just what she needs. Clear her head figure and fix her living area.
And begin to work on Elvis/
This is a very complex person with ABUSE from own blood --Mom? Its a mess she needs to get as far away as possible.
I just call it like i see it.
Jeff
Elvis ITS TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE SOME ACTION. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
ELVIS NOBODY DESERVES the abuse and other stuff. BUT ELVIS ONLY YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF--GOOD LUCK
Lisa None of us know exactly where this woman is at mentally. Only by her words do we know that she is denial and very sick. Her disease is really got her bad. Then add all the family crap? Suicide attempt coming off the benzos as she only is taking a minimal amount could push her over the edge//
What I am trying to say in a nice way is this woman needs to be in a hospital.
We all know you cant take a few benzos. We all kn ow this person is in AN awful situation BUT DOES NOTHING TO CHANGE.
God a rehab would be just what she needs. Clear her head figure and fix her living area.
And begin to work on Elvis/
This is a very complex person with ABUSE from own blood --Mom? Its a mess she needs to get as far away as possible.
I just call it like i see it.
Jeff
Elvis ITS TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE SOME ACTION. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
ELVIS NOBODY DESERVES the abuse and other stuff. BUT ELVIS ONLY YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF--GOOD LUCK
Tom I am not that smart. You all know just as much as I do about recovery. Maybe we differ on opinion of certain things but SHEET this persona Elvis?
going on 3 yrs--what else can yo Tell some one. She does not want to listen to anybody.
I was accused of beating up on her once?? Like I come home to rush to the computer to slam an addict in trouble. YES THIS MY AGENDA--
Its sad as this person does have people in her life who love her. If she got into a good rehab and just plain GREW UP --Well she can live a wonderful life.
Tom it does not take a brain surgeon to see that Elvis in all probability anyway suffers from some anxiety.
I did for years as well. I know Panic attacks and tom the Mood swings I used to get as recently they are not as bad well AWFUL STUFF.
So i feel for Elvis. But just like i had to do it she does as well..
I was basically forced to seek help or I don't know? Would be dead for sure.
Anyway I hope someone can knock some sense into her.
People coming on and coddling this person is just harming her not helping.
Later--Jeff
going on 3 yrs--what else can yo Tell some one. She does not want to listen to anybody.
I was accused of beating up on her once?? Like I come home to rush to the computer to slam an addict in trouble. YES THIS MY AGENDA--
Its sad as this person does have people in her life who love her. If she got into a good rehab and just plain GREW UP --Well she can live a wonderful life.
Tom it does not take a brain surgeon to see that Elvis in all probability anyway suffers from some anxiety.
I did for years as well. I know Panic attacks and tom the Mood swings I used to get as recently they are not as bad well AWFUL STUFF.
So i feel for Elvis. But just like i had to do it she does as well..
I was basically forced to seek help or I don't know? Would be dead for sure.
Anyway I hope someone can knock some sense into her.
People coming on and coddling this person is just harming her not helping.
Later--Jeff
