Hi,
I have an ex bf who shot dope for over 30 yrs and smoked pot (skunk,chronic)even longer than he abused heroin. He claims he smokes pot now to keep the cravings of heroin at bay (he says he is clean from heroin for 8 yrs??) but he literally smokes pot 24/7 now.
Back to my original thread question...he has been out of work for over 3 months and doesn't collect unemployment...he admitted to someone else secretly that he smokes about $20 worth of pot per day BUT he always claims friends give it to him freely. He is always yapping about lack of money for food and gas and his current landlords aren't charging him rent but yet he always has pot.
When he is here he smokes about every 45 minutes but the intervals between are hellish for me because he is nasty abusive and frankly he is a lot nicer on pot...but how does he afford it????
He also hangs out with a drug using/drug dealing crowd but claims he only smokes pot (they use to sell him heroin)
He wants to quit pot long enough to pass a drug screen and get a job but he claims he will eventually go back to it once he has been working at the job for a month a so.(multiple felonies are hampering his job search as well)
Oh yeah and of course HE says he is not addicted to
pot and can quit anytime he wants to...
I am so miserable as he treats me like crap...
thanks for listening MARY
Mary, why stay if he's still treating you like crap after all this time?
what is the point of asking questions on these forums....been around the boards quite awhile and rarely start new threads....but it seems it is always the select few that crowd the individual boards with numerous newly invented threads while nameless others fade unanswered to the bottom of the page into obscurity.
many threads don't even deal with addiction....getting to be like a regular Facebook operation around here
i didn't think it was about WHO you are..rather
how can we help...
oh well there is always the Suicide Hotline...
many threads don't even deal with addiction....getting to be like a regular Facebook operation around here
i didn't think it was about WHO you are..rather
how can we help...
oh well there is always the Suicide Hotline...
Mary, you might consider posting on the Family and Friend's board. The one response you got (and I believe it was a good response) was written by someone who frequents that board. They are in a better position to respond to your question,
Sorry, Mary, but I've been following your sparse posts for some time and you seem to be in the same place still. Your snarky reply to my earnest question was uncalled for and certainly your post did not "sink into obscurity" for the simple fact that I replied to it. We have posted to one another before, but since you did not ask for commentary I will refrain from posting to you in the future. You asked a question to which you already have the answer, I guess I just think you (and everyone else) deserve better. If you do feel suicidal then by all means call the hotline and do it sooner rather than later.
Best to you ~ MomNMore
Best to you ~ MomNMore
Dear Mary,
I myself just read your post for the first time this morning. My first reaction after reading it was not to discuss your boyfriend's addiction to pot but rather to question why you were still in this relationship.
It sounds like you are not desperate for an answer to your boyfriend's addiction but rather to your situation.
I have come to this Board for over a year and I must admit that the people who did reply to my posts often gave me sound and wise advice. There are also many times when I have replied to some posts who were written by people who seemed desperate to know how they could quit smoking pot or who wanted answers regarding a loved one who smoked pot daily. Often, the people who had written these posts never came back to the Board or replied to what I had written. This too can be quite frustrating when you think I took the time to answer their questions. It hasn't stopped me from coming here however.
This being said, i know you must feel quite anxious about your boyfriend's addiction and the fact that he is is treating you like crap. You want help and answers to the situation you are in and this is what we who come here try to do. So, while some of the replies that you get to your posts might not be what you are looking for, they just might be what you need to hear. Be open to other people's replies and appreciate the fact that they have taken time to reply to your posts. Take some and leave some but remember it just might be what you need to hear to make a decision and live your life fully.
Be strong and let us know how you are doing.
I myself just read your post for the first time this morning. My first reaction after reading it was not to discuss your boyfriend's addiction to pot but rather to question why you were still in this relationship.
It sounds like you are not desperate for an answer to your boyfriend's addiction but rather to your situation.
I have come to this Board for over a year and I must admit that the people who did reply to my posts often gave me sound and wise advice. There are also many times when I have replied to some posts who were written by people who seemed desperate to know how they could quit smoking pot or who wanted answers regarding a loved one who smoked pot daily. Often, the people who had written these posts never came back to the Board or replied to what I had written. This too can be quite frustrating when you think I took the time to answer their questions. It hasn't stopped me from coming here however.
This being said, i know you must feel quite anxious about your boyfriend's addiction and the fact that he is is treating you like crap. You want help and answers to the situation you are in and this is what we who come here try to do. So, while some of the replies that you get to your posts might not be what you are looking for, they just might be what you need to hear. Be open to other people's replies and appreciate the fact that they have taken time to reply to your posts. Take some and leave some but remember it just might be what you need to hear to make a decision and live your life fully.
Be strong and let us know how you are doing.
I do not get this at all. This is an ex-boyfriend? May I ask why you are hanging around him long enough to see him smoke marijuana every 45 minutes? May I also ask why you would want to be around someone who is "a lot better on pot"? How does that help your own recovery?
This is a good example of how recovery is more than not just using drugs, there are non-drug actions involved as well.
Do you think you can fix or save him? Are you afraid of being alone? There is something so not logical going on here that I do not understand.
How does he afford it? Like any other addict, he begs, borrows, steals. You already know this from your own and his previous experiences.
Most topics not about addiction? That is not true. You do the count of all the topic posts in each forum and calculate the percentage that deal with addiction. I will guarantee you that it will be over 80%. Unless of course you decide that a topic is not addiction related.
The one exception is the one forum where you really don' want to go and the one whose regular posters you don't want to see. The Family and Friends Forum. Based on what I have seen previously they are exhorting you to stop obsessing about him and live your own life, which, based on what you have written here, do not want to do.
Even this post topic. It might be addiction related, but better cataloged as obsessed about an addict and their drug activities.
Province of the select few? No, more of a case of receiving a post that has you smarting. I will hazard a guess these are questions you do NOT want to answer.
Suicide hotline? Well, it certainly can give you more face to fact support, should you follow up on it. I sincerely hope that this is more of a dramatic comment rather than serious......
This is a good example of how recovery is more than not just using drugs, there are non-drug actions involved as well.
Do you think you can fix or save him? Are you afraid of being alone? There is something so not logical going on here that I do not understand.
How does he afford it? Like any other addict, he begs, borrows, steals. You already know this from your own and his previous experiences.
Most topics not about addiction? That is not true. You do the count of all the topic posts in each forum and calculate the percentage that deal with addiction. I will guarantee you that it will be over 80%. Unless of course you decide that a topic is not addiction related.
The one exception is the one forum where you really don' want to go and the one whose regular posters you don't want to see. The Family and Friends Forum. Based on what I have seen previously they are exhorting you to stop obsessing about him and live your own life, which, based on what you have written here, do not want to do.
Even this post topic. It might be addiction related, but better cataloged as obsessed about an addict and their drug activities.
Province of the select few? No, more of a case of receiving a post that has you smarting. I will hazard a guess these are questions you do NOT want to answer.
Suicide hotline? Well, it certainly can give you more face to fact support, should you follow up on it. I sincerely hope that this is more of a dramatic comment rather than serious......
im sorry, but i have to agree, mary, u shouldnt be on a drug help forum asking how ur ex can afford to smoke weed. ive been smoking pot since i was a young boy, and recently lost my job because of it. i won certificates and all sorts of awards for being so talented at my job, and smoked weed recreationally the whole time i gained these, now as soon as they found out i smoked weed i was sacked. this does not show me that weed is bad, this has showed me that polititions need to realise that weed is now a day to day drug like tobacco. it causes less harm than; paracetamol, alcohol, valium, tobacco, vikadin, ibrufen.....shall i go on, but still it is illegal, it is proven that it helps ppl with illness' e.g. my g/f who has just recovered from ewings sarcoma (bone cancer) yet still people are happy to let these fat cats decide what they are allowed to do with there life. Now dont get me wrong, like any material, if it is abused it will become harmful, just like if you abuse alcohol you will become an alcoholic..........is this a reason to take a natural plant away from people when it has so many benefits.....I say no. but you make up your own mind, and stop allowing these pencil pushers to decide for you. open your eyes, and youll understand my every word.
jonniekerr
I would also have to say that your response is not exactly appropriate for an addiction recovery board. So you are highly functional as a recreational pot user. Your point is? That not everyone has a problem with marijuana? Duh.
If you are going for the legalization argument, there are other websites dedicated to that. And which drug is not the question in terms of destructiveness, it is which person. There are marijuana addicts who run into far more functionality problems than recreational alcohol users.
And if I hear "natural plant" one more time....I am going to scream. Opium is "natural" too, as is beer. As you have stated, they cause problems.
So again, why are you exactly here? Do you think that all recovering marijuana addicts want to keep marijuana banned because they can't handle it? You would be very wrong. And your post is not particularly helpful to MARY, or anyone else, it is just extolling the virtues of marijuana, which on a recovery board, requires a fair amount of chutzpah.
But I think you will be a "one and done" or "driveby" poster......
I would also have to say that your response is not exactly appropriate for an addiction recovery board. So you are highly functional as a recreational pot user. Your point is? That not everyone has a problem with marijuana? Duh.
If you are going for the legalization argument, there are other websites dedicated to that. And which drug is not the question in terms of destructiveness, it is which person. There are marijuana addicts who run into far more functionality problems than recreational alcohol users.
And if I hear "natural plant" one more time....I am going to scream. Opium is "natural" too, as is beer. As you have stated, they cause problems.
So again, why are you exactly here? Do you think that all recovering marijuana addicts want to keep marijuana banned because they can't handle it? You would be very wrong. And your post is not particularly helpful to MARY, or anyone else, it is just extolling the virtues of marijuana, which on a recovery board, requires a fair amount of chutzpah.
But I think you will be a "one and done" or "driveby" poster......
| QUOTE |
| abuse alcohol you will become an alcoholic.......... |
Abusing alcoholic does not cause alcoholism...being an alcoholic is one factor that causes alcohol abuse, but you have the cause and effect muddled up...no real surprise I suppose.
| QUOTE |
| as soon as they found out i smoked weed i was sacked. this does not show me that weed is bad. |
Denial is not just a river in Egypt. Political arguments aside, it was clearly against the policy of your employer. You violated policy, you got fired. End of story.
| QUOTE |
| it causes less harm than; paracetamol, alcohol, valium, tobacco, vikadin, ibrufen.....shall i go on. |
No, we get the point. Nice assertion, but you offer nothing to back it up. Pot is addictive, like alcohol. You are a menace if you drive under the influence of pot, just like alcohol. Pot has more carcinogens in it than tobacco, and tobacco will not get you arrested for driving under the influence, but either pot or tobacco can be a major contributor to lung disease. Alcohol does not hurt the lungs but can mess up the liver. Apples to oranges. Too subjective to make such a broad assertion with any credibility.
Several years ago, I approached the moderators of this board and talked them into creating this forum for marijuana. I did this because I feel that there is a lot of denial out there about marijuana. I am sure that some people smoke it all their lives and believe they do not have a problem. I doubt if those close to the long-term user would necessarily agree. In my professional life, I can spot a chronic user, and generally consider them to be easy pickings in a tough negotiation. Pot impairs ones intellectual capabilities and judgment, and the denial is such that the pot user is the last to realize this fact.
Mary, to answer your question. Your boyfriend gets the money from dealing. Do yourself a favor and cut him loose. Addicts have one primary relationship, and that is with their drug of choice, be it booze, pot, or heroin. Makes no dif; just a matter of personal taste. Until he has a sustainable long-term recovery, you will always play second fiddle.
Elim, nice point about the natural "herbal" quality of hemp. Based on this argument, I think I will go out and find some hemlock...
| QUOTE |
| Your EXboyfriend gets the money from dealing. |
...or pawning, or stealing, or using people who care for him. Oops, I said I wouldn't post here anymore...
August
As always a fantastic post which points out some serious shortcomings in his arguments.
posted by jonniekerr
I am still trying to figure out what an unnatural plant is......
posted by AugustWest
jonniekerr I would take notice of what has been his experience with potheads in his business world......
As always a fantastic post which points out some serious shortcomings in his arguments.
posted by jonniekerr
| QUOTE |
s this a reason to take a natural plant away from people when it has so many benefits. |
I am still trying to figure out what an unnatural plant is......
posted by AugustWest
| QUOTE |
In my professional life, I can spot a chronic user, and generally consider them to be easy pickings in a tough negotiation. Pot impairs ones intellectual capabilities and judgment, and the denial is such that the pot user is the last to realize this fact. |
jonniekerr I would take notice of what has been his experience with potheads in his business world......
I know that i always put the focus on him as opposed to myself. I have been in a bad spot of late....i had been hit by a car and have come to reluctantly depend on him as all of my family are in another State.
It has come with a price and i allow him to smoke pot in front of me although i am a recovering alcoholic and should know better.
In fact he was babysitting one of his 'druggie' friend's two and a half year old boy...smoking pot in the car while driving the young lad over here and then smoking in front of both he and i while the ex bf was here.
AND I DID NOTHING...of course i know he is wheelin and dealin and runnin but i am so sad and down...not to mention non ambulatory at present.
i wish he would get caught and
go to jail but appartently he has
God in his back pocket and i am
sober but almost a cripple...f*** me
sorry MARY
It has come with a price and i allow him to smoke pot in front of me although i am a recovering alcoholic and should know better.
In fact he was babysitting one of his 'druggie' friend's two and a half year old boy...smoking pot in the car while driving the young lad over here and then smoking in front of both he and i while the ex bf was here.
AND I DID NOTHING...of course i know he is wheelin and dealin and runnin but i am so sad and down...not to mention non ambulatory at present.
i wish he would get caught and
go to jail but appartently he has
God in his back pocket and i am
sober but almost a cripple...f*** me
sorry MARY
you do not know her boyfriend gets the money from dealing, so it is very wrong of you to suggest such a thing. and your right, i am in the wrong forum, this isnt a sight to help people, this is a sight where people pretending to help, can sit and judge people with problems, i have read every coversation on this page, and have not saw anyone give mary any help. none whatsoever. mary if you are looking for help then try and get your man into a proper drugs councelling program, you sound like you could do with sum1 to lean on aswell. remember a problem shared is a problem halfed. but dont lower yourself to seeking advice from these nonculant people that are only looking to make themselves feel better by pretending to care about your problems. you sound like a genuine woman who genuinely wants help. i can get some numbers for you if u want me too. even if its just a shoulder to cry on. post another mail on here if you would like me to put u in touch with proper qualified advisors. take care pet, and remember god doesnt judge us on the amount of times we fall, he judges us on how we get back up.
what are you talking about, alcohol doesnt cause alcoholism?!?! please tell me you are having a laugh?? is this honestly the type of advice you are giving?! i am a qualified psychologist with another degree in drug councelling i also have a CRT certificate in accredited mental health. you may be able to make the week out to be daft on this sight but u very mistaken if you try and make out that i do not know what i am talking about. like i said mary, if you want PROPER, GENUINE advice, then all you have to do is get in touch.
Hi there Mary,
A friend of mine has had a similar problem. I'm still trying to figure a way to help her, but when I find one that works I'll be back to tell you. It's a tough situation, but you should do all you can to get away from him and speaking to someone, a friend or relative, even your doctor or counsellor can always help.
Anyway, regarding the person above who said Alcohol doesn't cause Alcoholism...
I totally agree. I've been an alcoholic for 23 years now but haven't drank alcohol. They always mock me at my AA meetings.
Any advice on how to make them stop?
Thanks,
Mark
A friend of mine has had a similar problem. I'm still trying to figure a way to help her, but when I find one that works I'll be back to tell you. It's a tough situation, but you should do all you can to get away from him and speaking to someone, a friend or relative, even your doctor or counsellor can always help.
Anyway, regarding the person above who said Alcohol doesn't cause Alcoholism...
I totally agree. I've been an alcoholic for 23 years now but haven't drank alcohol. They always mock me at my AA meetings.
Any advice on how to make them stop?
Thanks,
Mark
Mary, I'm really very sorry to hear about your accident and hope that you are back on your feet again soon and not in too much pain.
Sending you healing thoughts ~ MomNMore
PS jonniekerr...for someone with all those amazing credentials you write like a middle school student, maybe it's all the pot smoking.
Sending you healing thoughts ~ MomNMore
PS jonniekerr...for someone with all those amazing credentials you write like a middle school student, maybe it's all the pot smoking.
jonniekerr.....
i generally dont like to butt in.......but having heard you bragging about your credentials really shocked me....because from your first post i would never have thought so.......but seeing as you have those credentials....I'd like to ask you a few professional questions: Please put your drug councilour hat or mental health cap on for these questions......
Do you,in your professional opinion, think that your first post was usefull to anybody on this site? If so, please explain how?
Do you think it was helpful to Mary? If so, pls explain how?
Do you think it benefited anybody on this site? If so, pls explain how?
Do you think it is good councilor strategy or behaviour, to write about the pros of Marijuana on a Marijuana Addiction recoverey message board?? if so pls explain how?
A few more questions on your other posts.....
Do you think,in your professional opinion of course, that it is good professional drug counsiller behaviour to come onto a recovery board, that has clearly helped many people, (not everyone that has been here obviously), and start to "shoot down" or aggressively/condescendingly "undermine" other people who are just trying to help and support?
Sure ,you can disagree with the advice, but i would have thought someone with your credentials would have shown a little more tact or professionalism.
I am not a councillor, just a pothead ,like you, so i could not see any benefits to anybody in your posts.
It seems from your posts that it would be better if you never came back here, but if you do, please enlighten me, by answering my questions and explaining your behaviour to me??
at this stage from what ive read in your posts i would love to know where you work...so that i know where not to go for help!!
kind regards
robbo
i generally dont like to butt in.......but having heard you bragging about your credentials really shocked me....because from your first post i would never have thought so.......but seeing as you have those credentials....I'd like to ask you a few professional questions: Please put your drug councilour hat or mental health cap on for these questions......
Do you,in your professional opinion, think that your first post was usefull to anybody on this site? If so, please explain how?
Do you think it was helpful to Mary? If so, pls explain how?
Do you think it benefited anybody on this site? If so, pls explain how?
Do you think it is good councilor strategy or behaviour, to write about the pros of Marijuana on a Marijuana Addiction recoverey message board?? if so pls explain how?
A few more questions on your other posts.....
Do you think,in your professional opinion of course, that it is good professional drug counsiller behaviour to come onto a recovery board, that has clearly helped many people, (not everyone that has been here obviously), and start to "shoot down" or aggressively/condescendingly "undermine" other people who are just trying to help and support?
Sure ,you can disagree with the advice, but i would have thought someone with your credentials would have shown a little more tact or professionalism.
I am not a councillor, just a pothead ,like you, so i could not see any benefits to anybody in your posts.
It seems from your posts that it would be better if you never came back here, but if you do, please enlighten me, by answering my questions and explaining your behaviour to me??
at this stage from what ive read in your posts i would love to know where you work...so that i know where not to go for help!!
kind regards
robbo
Hi Mary,
I'm sorry you feel that noone answers your thread but I'm not sure what you really want from us. You have had quite a few replies now on your thread but you don't acknowledge anything that anyone has said, you don't answer any questions people have asked you or even acknowledge that they have replied....do you want a conversation about it or people to just post 'oh poor you that must be terrible'. This is a recovery board and people are trying to help you to see that YOU have control over YOU and you cannot change your ex's choices or control him. If you can't handle what he is doing then you must remove yourself from the situation or at least start making the steps to improve your life by putting yourself first.
NOONE here is judging you like jonniekerr implies, we are all here for the same reason and we understand.
As you have been advised it is likely that your ex deals/robs/schemes etc to fund his pot smoking but do ask yourself how knowing how he pays for it helps you? Or him? If you want your life to improve i do think that you need to look at some of the more difficult questions like 'why do i allow him to treat me like this?', 'what do i want from my life and how do i go about achieving it?', 'what steps can i do today to make my life better?'.......maybe then you will get a little distance from your ex's addiction and be able to see that it really doesn't matter how he pays for it.
Best of luck sweetie, its not easy i know and when you look at it as a whole it is overwhelming....baby steps and listen to the good people here but know that only YOU can change things for you.
Lots of love xxx
I'm sorry you feel that noone answers your thread but I'm not sure what you really want from us. You have had quite a few replies now on your thread but you don't acknowledge anything that anyone has said, you don't answer any questions people have asked you or even acknowledge that they have replied....do you want a conversation about it or people to just post 'oh poor you that must be terrible'. This is a recovery board and people are trying to help you to see that YOU have control over YOU and you cannot change your ex's choices or control him. If you can't handle what he is doing then you must remove yourself from the situation or at least start making the steps to improve your life by putting yourself first.
NOONE here is judging you like jonniekerr implies, we are all here for the same reason and we understand.
As you have been advised it is likely that your ex deals/robs/schemes etc to fund his pot smoking but do ask yourself how knowing how he pays for it helps you? Or him? If you want your life to improve i do think that you need to look at some of the more difficult questions like 'why do i allow him to treat me like this?', 'what do i want from my life and how do i go about achieving it?', 'what steps can i do today to make my life better?'.......maybe then you will get a little distance from your ex's addiction and be able to see that it really doesn't matter how he pays for it.
Best of luck sweetie, its not easy i know and when you look at it as a whole it is overwhelming....baby steps and listen to the good people here but know that only YOU can change things for you.
Lots of love xxx
