I think I opened a can of worms on the thread titled " Lisa". So I feel this deserves a new thread.
I haven't had a chance to read everyone's posts on the other thread, just kind of skimmed it.
I did read your 1st post Atlas and I couldn't agree more.
I can only speak for me when I say this. When I 1st joined this board I felt like I could talk about anything. Well not ANYTHING but you know what I mean. I opened up a lot more than I do now. Sometimes that wasn't always a GOOD THING:-0) Just ask some of the oldtimer's. I have come along way. LOL Anyway, I participated in the morning thread and loved talking to and welcoming the newcomer's.
This board was divided ( 2 years ago) ..Many that went to AA/NA sided with each other and those that didn't kind of shared the same view's. When someone had a problem though we were all there for each other. When someone relapsed for the most part everyone was very supportive.
Needless to say that has changed. This is not a safe place to share personal problems without fearing it will be thrown back in your face. I must say this board has come along way in many ways. This board used to BLOW UP so to speak. Kind of like a train wreck. You couldn't help but look. Locked threads, removed threads, moderators that would call people out for signing in under different names and lots of trolls. People getting called out on their bullsh*t etc etc. That HARDLY EVER happens anymore.
I have never been one to really lay it all out there as far as my family was concerned but I know some people have. That is their call.
What concerns me as an " oldtimer" is watching the amount of " Off topic" threads there are on this board. I have been guilty of starting a few myself. I love football what can I say? I do participate in life like the rest of you guys. However, I see a couple people that start thread AFTER thread non-recovery related. THAT CONCERNS ME.
I bothers me because I am afraid the " NEWCOMER" will come here and NOT want to post about their addiction. The won't even know where to begin. I am not pointing fingers but LOOK DOWN THE BOARD. Take a look at the post that are non-sense or that don't belong here.
Like I said I am not saying let's keep it all recovery related, people go through different stages in their recovery. People need to talk about different aspects of their life. That is cool. When you bring your private life and everything to an open forum like this it creates problems. At least in my opinion. Something are better left un-said.
I am rambling now. Bottom line there was a time I felt I could come here and share. I no longer feel that way. I still read from time to time. I still want to help those struggling but I will not come here to vent my problems or air my dirty laundry. Hey but that's just me. Atlas I think you probably come here for the same. It is important when you are in recovery to help others. To give back. To share you experineces and give other's hope. That is the reason I keep coming back.
If I have a problem ( personally) I prefer to take it OFF the board.. In e-mail, face to face or on the phone with a FRIEND.
Rae
hugs to you woman..............miss ya, but if you read my post you will see where I stand, I do want to catch up, hope all is going well with ya.
Things are getting much brighter on my end. Well must run, Bri is waiting for us to go to breakfast then shopping..
xoxoxo
Krazi/Traci
Things are getting much brighter on my end. Well must run, Bri is waiting for us to go to breakfast then shopping..
xoxoxo
Krazi/Traci
This is not a safe place to share personal problems without fearing it will be thrown back in your face.
Exactly...there is an air of evil around here, and it feels like a war is always brewing.
This is a good place to learn to "bounce" things off of each other, but some lay in waiting to pounce on the other's weaknesses...that isn't cool.
Exactly...there is an air of evil around here, and it feels like a war is always brewing.
This is a good place to learn to "bounce" things off of each other, but some lay in waiting to pounce on the other's weaknesses...that isn't cool.
Hey you Krazi Go Girl ..
I have missed you. I am so happy to see you posting today. I remember when you 1st came to this board. What was your screen name back then? Krazishyone? LMAO!! Yeah right, you shy? You have had a few different sign in names I can't keep up. You were a little firecracker though. That is probably why we became friends:-0)
You were going through a methadone withdrawl like I did. You have come along way and I am so happy you are finally off that medication. That was an awful detox wasn't it?
So if you get a chance, e-mail me. I would love to know how Zac and Kyle are doing.
I hear what your saying about this board. Don't be a stranger. You never know who you will help by sharing your story Traci.
Xoxox, Rae
PS. I guess I am a day late and a dollar short? LOL Everyone said what they needed to say on the other thread and to heck with mine:-0(
I have missed you. I am so happy to see you posting today. I remember when you 1st came to this board. What was your screen name back then? Krazishyone? LMAO!! Yeah right, you shy? You have had a few different sign in names I can't keep up. You were a little firecracker though. That is probably why we became friends:-0)
You were going through a methadone withdrawl like I did. You have come along way and I am so happy you are finally off that medication. That was an awful detox wasn't it?
So if you get a chance, e-mail me. I would love to know how Zac and Kyle are doing.
I hear what your saying about this board. Don't be a stranger. You never know who you will help by sharing your story Traci.
Xoxox, Rae
PS. I guess I am a day late and a dollar short? LOL Everyone said what they needed to say on the other thread and to heck with mine:-0(
Kerry,
You said " there is an air of evil around here, and it feels like a war is always brewing.
I used to feel like that but not so much anymore. This place used to be a war zone from time to time. Now I just feel like something will be said and someone else will throw it up in your face and cause an arguement. I guess that is to be expected with an open forum full of different opinions. I haven't seen this board truly BLOW up in a while.
You remember it used to be Off the chain. Or what do the kids say? Off the hook. LOL It has calmed down a bit, wouldn't you agree?
Hope your having a nice Saturday! The weather here in Florida is GREAT. A little over cast but hey, I can't complain. It is warm.
Rae
You said " there is an air of evil around here, and it feels like a war is always brewing.
I used to feel like that but not so much anymore. This place used to be a war zone from time to time. Now I just feel like something will be said and someone else will throw it up in your face and cause an arguement. I guess that is to be expected with an open forum full of different opinions. I haven't seen this board truly BLOW up in a while.
You remember it used to be Off the chain. Or what do the kids say? Off the hook. LOL It has calmed down a bit, wouldn't you agree?
Hope your having a nice Saturday! The weather here in Florida is GREAT. A little over cast but hey, I can't complain. It is warm.
Rae
I do like to come here still...but I have to examine why I am coming here...and if it is still productive.
In the early days when I arrived here...I was so blessed and learned so much about addiction for that I will be forever grateful! I have made some very good friends here and for that I am grateful. Its the times we live in...its nice to be able to log on and see others that are like us and that we have a certain commrodery with.
These last few weeks here for me have been invaluable...with me starting sub and my state of mind every changing for the best! I have asked for and received some very valuable information lately and I love that I can come here and read and post and get the information or exchange of information that I need and so love.
This board has changed but thats life...it has grown...nothing stays the same..it should change..it will keep reminding us that life is forever evolving!
While different...I still love it here...or I would not come here...it is a habit for sure I do know that..before finding this site I was rarely if ever on the computer....so I guess I answered my own question...lol...as to why I am here!
You all rock....we are all different and thats a good thing! I have tried other forums but for some reason I always find myself back here!!!!
In the early days when I arrived here...I was so blessed and learned so much about addiction for that I will be forever grateful! I have made some very good friends here and for that I am grateful. Its the times we live in...its nice to be able to log on and see others that are like us and that we have a certain commrodery with.
These last few weeks here for me have been invaluable...with me starting sub and my state of mind every changing for the best! I have asked for and received some very valuable information lately and I love that I can come here and read and post and get the information or exchange of information that I need and so love.
This board has changed but thats life...it has grown...nothing stays the same..it should change..it will keep reminding us that life is forever evolving!
While different...I still love it here...or I would not come here...it is a habit for sure I do know that..before finding this site I was rarely if ever on the computer....so I guess I answered my own question...lol...as to why I am here!
You all rock....we are all different and thats a good thing! I have tried other forums but for some reason I always find myself back here!!!!
Great Post LittleBeach. I completely agree.
I do love the board though still .............I have also received a wealth of information here, and love meeting and sharing with so many who we have so much in common with.
I do love the board though still .............I have also received a wealth of information here, and love meeting and sharing with so many who we have so much in common with.
Kee Kee said "I was so blessed and learned so much about addiction for that I will be forever grateful! I have made some very good friends here and for that I am grateful. Its the times we live in...its nice to be able to log on and see others that are like us and that we have a certain commrodery with.
Isn't that the truth? I have learned SO SO much about addiction being here the past 2 years. Sometimes I think I am a nurse Or should I say a pharmacist.
Someone says something about addiction and I just start rambling. Someone wants to know about a medication and I can tell them all about it. Down to the side effects and all. LOL
I have made a few good friend's being here as well. For that I am very greatful to this board. Your right about it being addicting and that things change. Change is good.
I hope more people come and post in this thread and just say what it on their mind. Good or bad.
Rae
Isn't that the truth? I have learned SO SO much about addiction being here the past 2 years. Sometimes I think I am a nurse Or should I say a pharmacist.
Someone says something about addiction and I just start rambling. Someone wants to know about a medication and I can tell them all about it. Down to the side effects and all. LOL
I have made a few good friend's being here as well. For that I am very greatful to this board. Your right about it being addicting and that things change. Change is good.
I hope more people come and post in this thread and just say what it on their mind. Good or bad.
Rae
You remember it used to be Off the chain. Or what do the kids say? Off the hook. LOL It has calmed down a bit, wouldn't you agree?
Thanks, Java.
I do agree.....it used to be AWFUL....
I think it was because a group hid in the sidelines and picked one to go in and claw someone's eyes out...usually a newcomer in HUGE AMOUNTS OF PAIN.
Thank God that no longer exists, and it is more like one helping the other. They were always screaming...I am sober, you are not!!! Like their actions showed that...lol. Not.
It is "Off The Hook"...my friend named his boat that. When I went home to Cali, that is all i heard. Oh yea, they still say "hella" and "hecka" too.
"He is HELLA fine!!"
Thanks, Java.
I do agree.....it used to be AWFUL....
I think it was because a group hid in the sidelines and picked one to go in and claw someone's eyes out...usually a newcomer in HUGE AMOUNTS OF PAIN.
Thank God that no longer exists, and it is more like one helping the other. They were always screaming...I am sober, you are not!!! Like their actions showed that...lol. Not.
It is "Off The Hook"...my friend named his boat that. When I went home to Cali, that is all i heard. Oh yea, they still say "hella" and "hecka" too.
"He is HELLA fine!!"
I have never heard of Hecka or Hella. I have heard of Holla. LOL
I do remember it used to be pretty bad on this board. Hell I used to be pretty bad on this board. LMAO Look at me acting all innocent. I will just start blaming everyone else:-0)
I remember, back when the moderator's had to put the smack down on a regular basis. Now I think they stop by here once and week. They don't talk as much as they used to.
Rae
I do remember it used to be pretty bad on this board. Hell I used to be pretty bad on this board. LMAO Look at me acting all innocent. I will just start blaming everyone else:-0)
I remember, back when the moderator's had to put the smack down on a regular basis. Now I think they stop by here once and week. They don't talk as much as they used to.
Rae
Ya, it was pretty wild a couple of years ago..much better now and I too learned a ton here..
Smack down...
That's funny. They haven't had to do too many "bammings" lately.
I remember when you and I scrapped...lol. I think shortly after that, you quit taking vics....
Now I respect you because you tell it like it is...
That's funny. They haven't had to do too many "bammings" lately.
I remember when you and I scrapped...lol. I think shortly after that, you quit taking vics....
Now I respect you because you tell it like it is...
I just know this is a different place than what it used to be, and not for the better. While I am glad that in general, the are not so many flame wars and locked threads, maybe people are just afraid to post how they really feel. If people aren't posting how they really feels, what they really think, then others are not getting the input they need. If we don't get that, there is really no point in coming here with problems, is there?
Some posters seem to post the same things over and over and over. While those posts may help a newcomer, it wouldn't do much for the old timers because we have read their same replies so many times. Sometimes things are just more complex. Could that play a part in it? Honestly, some people's posts I don't even read because they say the same thing over and over, and I can predict what they will say.
Then there are those who just beat a dead horse and try to impound what worked for them into someone else. Totally different issue than the above.
Friendship circles seem to have played a role in this. I think it's great when people can connect outside of here. But when those circles overlap it causes problems. Keeping it off the board is good, but it does spill over, no doubt about that. If people are too worried about someone in "their" circle gossiping in another circle, that will be enough to keep people quiet.
I never know what goes on between people off the board, but it's clear when the problems spill over here. We get to know people to a certain degree. I see a lot of passive aggressive innuendos between people. Then if some calls them out, they deny it. Outsiders can see it too, and regular posters see that behavior shift. If you're out of that particular loop, you end up forming an opinion based on whatever little things you see here, and you could be totally wrong. But that opinion sticks.
A lot of good people are missing, and that's just life, but not enough newcomers are joining to balance that out.
Sometimes I will see someone post after an absence. Then other former regulars post to them. I have to wonder how they all managed to show up at the same time? Is it that they just read and don't post as much? Or, do they post somewhere else and all decide to come post together? Doesn't matter either way, but if they are reading regularly, I wish they would post more. But I'm sure they have their reasons.
There is too much off topic conversation, but it's damn near impossible to draw the line. For example, if someone is having a family problem, it may not be exactly on topic, but I feel it is appropriate to post it here. After all, family problems can impact recovery. I think it's nice to have a "goos" thread each day, though I don't often participate. I'm not a sports fan, but hubby is. I know for the football people the can't help but to talk about it. Maybe an ongoing football thread, as we have an ongoing song lyric thread, and an ongoing picture thread. I post pictures of my dogs and cats, and that has nothing to do with recovery either.
A possible solution for the above might be to keep the same threads going, and not keep posting new ones about the same topic. Or, if everyone asked themselves before posting an off topic thread..."When was the last time I started a recovery related thread?" Can't remember? Might be time to contribute to that part of the board.
If a newcomer shows up, everyone should immediately go post. Even if you don't feel like you have anything to offer them, go say hello and welcome. It pisses me off when newcomers are nearly ignored or have to ask twice for help. If that didn't happen they might stick around.
Drama scares people away too. Anyone remember ALICE the nurse? She was intelligent, nice and had a lot to offer. At the time we had troll who caused her to leave and she never came back. Did the troll do it? Or was it our reactions to the troll? She simply said "I'm outta here, too much drama," she left and never came back.
Every day Janet posts a thought for the day. By the time I read it it's usually afternoon, hours after it's posted. The number of views are almost always in the single digits.
Believe me, I know I contribute to some of this, we all do. So, don't think I'm passing judgement, I'm not. It's a group problem.
Putting your problems out there will almost always bring advice you don't agree with. So what? As long as it's said respectfully, just don't follow it if you don't think it's going to help. Don't call someone wrong just because you don't happen to agree.
If you are constantly find your posts to be the center of controversy, ask yourself why, and do it while looking in the mirror. The majority is rarely wrong. It could be that you have a chip on your shoulder, you advice sucks, or you litter your posts with phrases like "I'm sure I'll get attacked for this." Don't delude yourself, look for the real cause. It's not because everyone is out to get you.
The only other thing I feel I must say is that nobody should ever call names, be disrespectful or intentionally hurt someone. Even worse is when this happens and something that was disclosed in confidence is the tool used to hurt. Even worse than that is when you use someones recovery method or progress (or lack of) to hurt them. Were all here to give and receive support for addiction, and should never have our recovery progress thrown in our faces just because someone is angry about something else.
Okay, I'm done. I bet Rae is sorry she asked...LOL Like I said in the other thread, I plan to do some serious thinking about my motivation for coming here, and if I should even continue to do so.
Some posters seem to post the same things over and over and over. While those posts may help a newcomer, it wouldn't do much for the old timers because we have read their same replies so many times. Sometimes things are just more complex. Could that play a part in it? Honestly, some people's posts I don't even read because they say the same thing over and over, and I can predict what they will say.
Then there are those who just beat a dead horse and try to impound what worked for them into someone else. Totally different issue than the above.
Friendship circles seem to have played a role in this. I think it's great when people can connect outside of here. But when those circles overlap it causes problems. Keeping it off the board is good, but it does spill over, no doubt about that. If people are too worried about someone in "their" circle gossiping in another circle, that will be enough to keep people quiet.
I never know what goes on between people off the board, but it's clear when the problems spill over here. We get to know people to a certain degree. I see a lot of passive aggressive innuendos between people. Then if some calls them out, they deny it. Outsiders can see it too, and regular posters see that behavior shift. If you're out of that particular loop, you end up forming an opinion based on whatever little things you see here, and you could be totally wrong. But that opinion sticks.
A lot of good people are missing, and that's just life, but not enough newcomers are joining to balance that out.
Sometimes I will see someone post after an absence. Then other former regulars post to them. I have to wonder how they all managed to show up at the same time? Is it that they just read and don't post as much? Or, do they post somewhere else and all decide to come post together? Doesn't matter either way, but if they are reading regularly, I wish they would post more. But I'm sure they have their reasons.
There is too much off topic conversation, but it's damn near impossible to draw the line. For example, if someone is having a family problem, it may not be exactly on topic, but I feel it is appropriate to post it here. After all, family problems can impact recovery. I think it's nice to have a "goos" thread each day, though I don't often participate. I'm not a sports fan, but hubby is. I know for the football people the can't help but to talk about it. Maybe an ongoing football thread, as we have an ongoing song lyric thread, and an ongoing picture thread. I post pictures of my dogs and cats, and that has nothing to do with recovery either.
A possible solution for the above might be to keep the same threads going, and not keep posting new ones about the same topic. Or, if everyone asked themselves before posting an off topic thread..."When was the last time I started a recovery related thread?" Can't remember? Might be time to contribute to that part of the board.
If a newcomer shows up, everyone should immediately go post. Even if you don't feel like you have anything to offer them, go say hello and welcome. It pisses me off when newcomers are nearly ignored or have to ask twice for help. If that didn't happen they might stick around.
Drama scares people away too. Anyone remember ALICE the nurse? She was intelligent, nice and had a lot to offer. At the time we had troll who caused her to leave and she never came back. Did the troll do it? Or was it our reactions to the troll? She simply said "I'm outta here, too much drama," she left and never came back.
Every day Janet posts a thought for the day. By the time I read it it's usually afternoon, hours after it's posted. The number of views are almost always in the single digits.
Believe me, I know I contribute to some of this, we all do. So, don't think I'm passing judgement, I'm not. It's a group problem.
Putting your problems out there will almost always bring advice you don't agree with. So what? As long as it's said respectfully, just don't follow it if you don't think it's going to help. Don't call someone wrong just because you don't happen to agree.
If you are constantly find your posts to be the center of controversy, ask yourself why, and do it while looking in the mirror. The majority is rarely wrong. It could be that you have a chip on your shoulder, you advice sucks, or you litter your posts with phrases like "I'm sure I'll get attacked for this." Don't delude yourself, look for the real cause. It's not because everyone is out to get you.
The only other thing I feel I must say is that nobody should ever call names, be disrespectful or intentionally hurt someone. Even worse is when this happens and something that was disclosed in confidence is the tool used to hurt. Even worse than that is when you use someones recovery method or progress (or lack of) to hurt them. Were all here to give and receive support for addiction, and should never have our recovery progress thrown in our faces just because someone is angry about something else.
Okay, I'm done. I bet Rae is sorry she asked...LOL Like I said in the other thread, I plan to do some serious thinking about my motivation for coming here, and if I should even continue to do so.
I guess I shouldve went on a recipe site to ask about my oatmeal :)
no you shouldn't have. :)
Even worse than that is when you use someones recovery method or progress (or lack of) to hurt them.
I concur. I hate it when people use time or methods of getting clean to feel superior to others. Time is not an indicator of true growth; actions are.
This place has a soft spot; I have spent alot of time here and feel like I am connected to so many ofyou. But I do feel it is so cliqueish and people on here aren't always here to help, they are motivated by their own need for control or status. did that make sense?
Recovery is a very serious matter, and it isn't easy to do alone. I know it is only cyberspace, but there are sensitive people out there that may just say screw it, and we can't control that. But we can share experience, strength and hope.
I felt like you were insiuating me, Atlas on saying the same thing. See, you might not have been but that is how posts are taken wrong. I just share what worked for me.
=0)
I concur. I hate it when people use time or methods of getting clean to feel superior to others. Time is not an indicator of true growth; actions are.
This place has a soft spot; I have spent alot of time here and feel like I am connected to so many ofyou. But I do feel it is so cliqueish and people on here aren't always here to help, they are motivated by their own need for control or status. did that make sense?
Recovery is a very serious matter, and it isn't easy to do alone. I know it is only cyberspace, but there are sensitive people out there that may just say screw it, and we can't control that. But we can share experience, strength and hope.
I felt like you were insiuating me, Atlas on saying the same thing. See, you might not have been but that is how posts are taken wrong. I just share what worked for me.
=0)
Atlas,
What are you talking about? "I plan to do some serious thinking about my motivation for coming here, and if I should even continue to do so.
Don't say that. I have voted for you to be " President" of the recovery board! LOL Seriously, I agree with everything you said. You have a lot of good idea's. Now if we could just make everyone think like us. LOL Your post was very well written.
Kerry what are you talking about? I never remember getting into an arugement with you. Scrapin? Your to funny!! Do you remember what it was about? I am sure it was back in my Vicodin days. No wonder I don't remember as Lisa once told me " I was in a fog". LOL I remember Brooke and I arguing on a newbie's thread about vitamin supplements:-0) Then I told Brooke let's take it off the board:-0) LOL The good ole days. Somethings you just have to look back at and laugh.
Rae
What are you talking about? "I plan to do some serious thinking about my motivation for coming here, and if I should even continue to do so.
Don't say that. I have voted for you to be " President" of the recovery board! LOL Seriously, I agree with everything you said. You have a lot of good idea's. Now if we could just make everyone think like us. LOL Your post was very well written.
Kerry what are you talking about? I never remember getting into an arugement with you. Scrapin? Your to funny!! Do you remember what it was about? I am sure it was back in my Vicodin days. No wonder I don't remember as Lisa once told me " I was in a fog". LOL I remember Brooke and I arguing on a newbie's thread about vitamin supplements:-0) Then I told Brooke let's take it off the board:-0) LOL The good ole days. Somethings you just have to look back at and laugh.
Rae
i honestly don't understand what the problem is here, but somebody has some issues about what is posted here. Why don't you just not read it.
i know a lot of people on here and sometimes i post off topic stuff because i think it's really neat and would like to share it . like the name thing... but i always put O/t.
Janet's today's thought goes directly to my email as well as a few other's email. maybe they just don't wanna read it twice?
if it's not one thing it's another. I choose joy.
i know a lot of people on here and sometimes i post off topic stuff because i think it's really neat and would like to share it . like the name thing... but i always put O/t.
Janet's today's thought goes directly to my email as well as a few other's email. maybe they just don't wanna read it twice?
if it's not one thing it's another. I choose joy.
Atlas, well said. I agree, you should be President.
Myself I enjoy the off topic threads too...........It lightens things up around here, and laughing is great for recovery for sure.
I love Janets Morning thread and read it every day and Mj's Goos I absolutey love sitting around and drinking coffee and waking up to it.
Just wanted to be sure I didnt come across as if I dont appreciate the board, I do very much.........
and have made some great friends here.
I love Janets Morning thread and read it every day and Mj's Goos I absolutey love sitting around and drinking coffee and waking up to it.
Just wanted to be sure I didnt come across as if I dont appreciate the board, I do very much.........
and have made some great friends here.
