I hope you are right, Gina.
Last week, after not calling, picking up, or having anything to do with my girls, their dad went to the afterschool thingy to PICK UP ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL. the gf's daughter.
My daughter was crushed....she is already heartbroken her dad hasn't called her; now he shows up to pick up another girl. He told my daughter it was MY FAULT that he can't see them; I won't let him.
The day before, the gf told my daughter the same thing.
Not only do they live just 2 miles down the road, but he doesn't even call. My older girl has changed; she is hurting so much over this.
Some men should be shot.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand, Julie, you CAN leave. You work, right? I don't know what state you are in, but the women usually get the house.
I can't tell you what a sense of relief it is to be out of that emotional abuse. Like Kerri said, you will have less laundry.
Oh Sarah, I believe in divine intervention too! Trust me on that one.
I don''t have a single doubt that life did for me what I didn't think I could do for myself.
Struggling has made me stronger and certainly more independent. I'm learning more and more daily that I can conquer whatever comes up. The financial support of the kid's father would make things a whole lot easier, but it is what it is.
Hardship aside, I'm free. It's a shame I didn't do anything sooner so that I wouldn't be trying to figure out a way to enter the work force while I was younger.But a good lesson has been learned. Never completely rely on a man to take care of the family. When I get this all figured out, we'll be just fine.
xxxxxxoooo
I don''t have a single doubt that life did for me what I didn't think I could do for myself.
Struggling has made me stronger and certainly more independent. I'm learning more and more daily that I can conquer whatever comes up. The financial support of the kid's father would make things a whole lot easier, but it is what it is.
Hardship aside, I'm free. It's a shame I didn't do anything sooner so that I wouldn't be trying to figure out a way to enter the work force while I was younger.But a good lesson has been learned. Never completely rely on a man to take care of the family. When I get this all figured out, we'll be just fine.
xxxxxxoooo
I am living proof of that Danny and Kerry. My kids while young were at the center of so much Drama...brought on by my ex and his witch of a wife. I mean this literally...she was a practising wicca witch and she was evil to the core. She scared the sh*t out of them as babies 6 and 7 years old. They did have the comfort of confronting her and there father and have a full picture of what transpired. I never uttered a negative word about there deadbeat dad...although I was not granted this luxury....I was a (N word loving crack w****) and those were the nice words....lol....
They know now and believe that I am the most amazing person on earth for loving them and taking care of them. They do grow up and form there own opinions based on fact! Not what someone wants to plant in there heads. Did all of this do damage...of course....but at least now they understand!
I could easily write a very juicy book about my life....trust me Hollywood has nothing on me!
They know now and believe that I am the most amazing person on earth for loving them and taking care of them. They do grow up and form there own opinions based on fact! Not what someone wants to plant in there heads. Did all of this do damage...of course....but at least now they understand!
I could easily write a very juicy book about my life....trust me Hollywood has nothing on me!
Kat:
I know you will be fine...better than fine too!
I asked God (the Universe, whatever!) to put those that I could learn from in my path when I first found myself alone...and it manifested so unbelievably!
The things that I gathered then, were exponential. It was amazing! You know, that struggling that I did then...financial, spiritual, emotional, everything...made me tap into my creative more...which eventually led me to school, now as you know, finishing my MFA...who would have thunk it???
I was so scared and damaged when I first started out. My ex had me convinced I was too stupid to even go to college. Ha!
I have been wanting to ask: Are you pursuing art in school?
You are so patient, and so insightful and a natural born helper/healer (same thing!)...there is a wonderful field, Art Therapy...it seems it would be a natural for you.
I hope you get to use your gifts to earn a living for your family. I know you will be rewarded for choosing for Kat! As always, I am holding the best of thoughts for you!
Sarah
I know you will be fine...better than fine too!
I asked God (the Universe, whatever!) to put those that I could learn from in my path when I first found myself alone...and it manifested so unbelievably!
The things that I gathered then, were exponential. It was amazing! You know, that struggling that I did then...financial, spiritual, emotional, everything...made me tap into my creative more...which eventually led me to school, now as you know, finishing my MFA...who would have thunk it???
I was so scared and damaged when I first started out. My ex had me convinced I was too stupid to even go to college. Ha!
I have been wanting to ask: Are you pursuing art in school?
You are so patient, and so insightful and a natural born helper/healer (same thing!)...there is a wonderful field, Art Therapy...it seems it would be a natural for you.
I hope you get to use your gifts to earn a living for your family. I know you will be rewarded for choosing for Kat! As always, I am holding the best of thoughts for you!
Sarah
My name is Brien,
Im new here. I need a few suggestions. I can even dream about marrages ending like others on the board but still sucks 4 me. Been clean for a little over two weeks. I have been an active addict for a good ten yrs, almost half my life and am 25. This last year was the worst. Ungodly amounts of methadone,xanax and liquor. I made a intoxicated decision and got married may of 06. Didnt know her long at all. She is close to ten years older. I found out after the fact many things. Bankruptcy, lost custody of her son to her mother(long story), had four abortions, mental illness stays, and had lied about where she had peviously lived and worked. I AM NOT JUDGING, it made me mad because i was lied to or not told important things. It was rediculous. Two ex's callingfrom prison(one her chids father). Ive lived a destuctive life with addiction but i guess morally im way different. Ifeel 4 everyone in acctive addiction but i was under bold face lies.
To make things short i divorced within 2 mths and did not loose anything. VERY lucky. I kicked her out nicely and since september has lived in a motel since. She looks hoorible.She makes me sick because she can be very attractive. I was used for money and drugs. I stiil would see her from time to time for sex. I know thats sleasy.
I am so embarrased infront of friends and family. I guess i wasa to nice to her and now have tried to get rid of her nicely and she,s preessuring me so much. I want nothing from her. I went to a movie just to talk and she noded out the whole time. It made me sick. I have sympothy 4 her but am honestly repulsed.
She ponded her ring several times, but still wears it. Its been over but i just dont want to b a jerk, and tell her to F*** off.
I know how to b with addicted friends and am involved in A.A/N.A. but she is phycotically in love and i feel nothing. Im lost!!!!!!!!!!
I know this is a walk in the park to others but this is driving me crazy and know is isnt good for my sobriety
Thanks
Brien
Im new here. I need a few suggestions. I can even dream about marrages ending like others on the board but still sucks 4 me. Been clean for a little over two weeks. I have been an active addict for a good ten yrs, almost half my life and am 25. This last year was the worst. Ungodly amounts of methadone,xanax and liquor. I made a intoxicated decision and got married may of 06. Didnt know her long at all. She is close to ten years older. I found out after the fact many things. Bankruptcy, lost custody of her son to her mother(long story), had four abortions, mental illness stays, and had lied about where she had peviously lived and worked. I AM NOT JUDGING, it made me mad because i was lied to or not told important things. It was rediculous. Two ex's callingfrom prison(one her chids father). Ive lived a destuctive life with addiction but i guess morally im way different. Ifeel 4 everyone in acctive addiction but i was under bold face lies.
To make things short i divorced within 2 mths and did not loose anything. VERY lucky. I kicked her out nicely and since september has lived in a motel since. She looks hoorible.She makes me sick because she can be very attractive. I was used for money and drugs. I stiil would see her from time to time for sex. I know thats sleasy.
I am so embarrased infront of friends and family. I guess i wasa to nice to her and now have tried to get rid of her nicely and she,s preessuring me so much. I want nothing from her. I went to a movie just to talk and she noded out the whole time. It made me sick. I have sympothy 4 her but am honestly repulsed.
She ponded her ring several times, but still wears it. Its been over but i just dont want to b a jerk, and tell her to F*** off.
I know how to b with addicted friends and am involved in A.A/N.A. but she is phycotically in love and i feel nothing. Im lost!!!!!!!!!!
I know this is a walk in the park to others but this is driving me crazy and know is isnt good for my sobriety
Thanks
Brien
Hi Sarah!
Nice to see you posting! I am so happy you enjoyed your trip to the Big Easy....god I love that place. I was just talking about a tattoo that I got while I was there!
How are you?
Nice to see you posting! I am so happy you enjoyed your trip to the Big Easy....god I love that place. I was just talking about a tattoo that I got while I was there!
How are you?
Thank you, Kerri, for sharing that. I'm sorry your children were damaged by their experience but I'm sure that your strength and maturity made all the difference.
Kerry, Oh, I agree absolutely that some men should be put down and your ex would be right up there at the top of my list. I'm so sorry that your girls are being discriminated against, and lied to. When they grow up, they'll know who they can count on. It sounds like they know that now, but it's a hard lesson for a child to have to learn.
Love,
Gina
Kerry, Oh, I agree absolutely that some men should be put down and your ex would be right up there at the top of my list. I'm so sorry that your girls are being discriminated against, and lied to. When they grow up, they'll know who they can count on. It sounds like they know that now, but it's a hard lesson for a child to have to learn.
Love,
Gina
I'm living proof of that too. Husbutt number one was horrible about the boys.
Not only that, every chance he got he told them how terrible I was. He blamed everything on me even though he was the worst mate imaginable.
I did my best to say little to them about him. I didn't want to put them in the position of feeling they had to defend their Dad. His actions spoke for themselves, I didn't have to.
They're both grown now and have nothing to do with him. It was obvious who loved and cared for them and still does.
It's hard watching creepy Dad's mistreat and show no concern for their children. We have to be the ones to soothe hurt feelings and it makes us angry at the jerks.
But truly, in the long run, those men gain nothing by their lies.
xxxxxxxoooooo
ps. I didn't see your post when I wrote this, Sarah. You're very sweet, thank you.
I've never heard of Art Therapy but you peeked my interest. I'll be sure and check that out!
xxxxxxoooo
Not only that, every chance he got he told them how terrible I was. He blamed everything on me even though he was the worst mate imaginable.
I did my best to say little to them about him. I didn't want to put them in the position of feeling they had to defend their Dad. His actions spoke for themselves, I didn't have to.
They're both grown now and have nothing to do with him. It was obvious who loved and cared for them and still does.
It's hard watching creepy Dad's mistreat and show no concern for their children. We have to be the ones to soothe hurt feelings and it makes us angry at the jerks.
But truly, in the long run, those men gain nothing by their lies.
xxxxxxxoooooo
ps. I didn't see your post when I wrote this, Sarah. You're very sweet, thank you.
I've never heard of Art Therapy but you peeked my interest. I'll be sure and check that out!
xxxxxxoooo
Danny...for the record! I don't believe that "twist words" at all. I believe you are 100% forthright!
Your a good dad....your ex wife...hell she pisses me off! I wasn't even married to her. I have read your whole story...I know the abuse you suffered at the hands of this women. Your kids are so lucky to have you...when they grow up and you walk them down the isle....you are going to be there wonderful Daddy! Their Night in Shining Armour"
Your a good dad....your ex wife...hell she pisses me off! I wasn't even married to her. I have read your whole story...I know the abuse you suffered at the hands of this women. Your kids are so lucky to have you...when they grow up and you walk them down the isle....you are going to be there wonderful Daddy! Their Night in Shining Armour"
Jesus
OK, so it was ok for her to hide money from her husband? She hid her "earnings" from him? She calculated (premeditated) her leaving enough to build up her bank account. and then take the house too? How did she live this whole time? She had a part time job, hid the money, lived in a house, ate food (I assume) probably drove a car..who paid for that? Yet, she was hiding money (ya know, secret from the husband) long enough to make her escape? Marital assets are 50/50 Donna. Obviously not to your friend though. And she did it for years. And that is a "goal"?
She built up a stash of cash secretly.By the time of her divorce, she had a good job with benefits and a house. How is this right? If she didn't report it during discovery, it's a crime.
I don't twist words and I don't mince them. Sorry. Move along.
| QUOTE |
| Get out early. I have a friend who slowly built up a bank account, took on a part time nothing job. By the time she put her plan into action, she had a real job to rely on with benefits and money in the bank. She also ended up getting the house. Noone knew what was going on for years - but she did. So Id say, planning financially and getting away from violence sooner rather than later are two goals. |
OK, so it was ok for her to hide money from her husband? She hid her "earnings" from him? She calculated (premeditated) her leaving enough to build up her bank account. and then take the house too? How did she live this whole time? She had a part time job, hid the money, lived in a house, ate food (I assume) probably drove a car..who paid for that? Yet, she was hiding money (ya know, secret from the husband) long enough to make her escape? Marital assets are 50/50 Donna. Obviously not to your friend though. And she did it for years. And that is a "goal"?
She built up a stash of cash secretly.By the time of her divorce, she had a good job with benefits and a house. How is this right? If she didn't report it during discovery, it's a crime.
I don't twist words and I don't mince them. Sorry. Move along.
AMEN!
Today my son knows. He was completely brainwashed by the ex, but today, he knows who the responsible one is.
Why do we get ourselves into these messes? I am glad that today, women are more financially indepenent, but they must always have a back up plan. I feel for you, Kat. You are a nurturing soul and the right things will show up.
Women can be evil, too. A good friend of mine's soon to be ex wife took over 300k out of a marital acount and bought her boyfriend a condo with it. She put it in his name....and later got caught. She can't live on $27,000 a month....and that is w/o a mortagage, car payment, or college expenses for the kids. That is just living money. She keeps crying poor.
Imagine that.lol. I keep telling my friend he is getting snowed by this woman.
Why do we get ourselves into these messes? I am glad that today, women are more financially indepenent, but they must always have a back up plan. I feel for you, Kat. You are a nurturing soul and the right things will show up.
Women can be evil, too. A good friend of mine's soon to be ex wife took over 300k out of a marital acount and bought her boyfriend a condo with it. She put it in his name....and later got caught. She can't live on $27,000 a month....and that is w/o a mortagage, car payment, or college expenses for the kids. That is just living money. She keeps crying poor.
Imagine that.lol. I keep telling my friend he is getting snowed by this woman.
Danny, you got the raw deal. I can't understand some of these judges. I agree that if the woman was earning, it should have been disclosed during discovery.
Reality is...what goes around comes around. I have lived long enough to bare witness to this. In the end...lets pray....we all get what we deserve!
Some of the things we go through we can't imagine why we have to go through them. Then it all becomes painfully clear. We all make mistakes, trick is to learn from them and NOT keep repeating them. When that happens we become victim and thats not powerful. I have learned some very expensive, painful lessons. I never do unto others that I wouldn't want done to me! I live by this code!
Some of the things we go through we can't imagine why we have to go through them. Then it all becomes painfully clear. We all make mistakes, trick is to learn from them and NOT keep repeating them. When that happens we become victim and thats not powerful. I have learned some very expensive, painful lessons. I never do unto others that I wouldn't want done to me! I live by this code!
Thank you, Kerry. That was nice of you to say.
For the record, Danny doesn't twist words. He speaks from his own experience, just as we all do.
I can see a woman trying to build up enough to make an escape if she's being abused in some way, but for years?
In cases of abuse, I think a woman should put together important items (SS cards, etc) try to get enough money to secure a safe place to go, and then go.
None of us should stay in marriages for years, though, saving and planning to get away. It's just dishonest.
If the abuse is serious in any way at all, forget all else and get to a safe house or women's shelter.
xxxxxooooo
For the record, Danny doesn't twist words. He speaks from his own experience, just as we all do.
I can see a woman trying to build up enough to make an escape if she's being abused in some way, but for years?
In cases of abuse, I think a woman should put together important items (SS cards, etc) try to get enough money to secure a safe place to go, and then go.
None of us should stay in marriages for years, though, saving and planning to get away. It's just dishonest.
If the abuse is serious in any way at all, forget all else and get to a safe house or women's shelter.
xxxxxooooo
Horrible Kerri
But in the end, really all the matters is the kids. Everyone party to a divorce should know this and most do. It's a few that really mess it up and screw around.
Another example of someone sneaking around. My second wife, before we were divorced, did something pretty bad. Both of us had good jobs and obviously financially independent of one another. In fact, we NEVER had a joint checking/savings account. Only joint debt, like cars, house, credit cards.
When I first got sick, I signed over power of attorney to her. I also turned over all bill paying (the job, not the money) to her. I was in an out of the hospital too much to make rational decisions. And I trusted her. So, one time when I was in the hospital, she came with the check book and had me sign a bunch of checks to pay bills, including my car payment. No problem, right? Wrong. She took the checks, wrote one to herself and deposited the money in her account, another to pay the vet bill for "her" dog and the last one, to a lawyer so she could declare bankruptcy on ALL of our JOINT debt. Not for both of us. Just her. Including her car, my car, our credit cards, utility bills, mortage, everything. And she told me she made the payments to all of them. I didn't find out until December 15th, 2004 when the repo guy showed up at my house at 2:00 to take my RX-300. We split up 3 weeks later. And THAT was one of the nicer things she did.
She made no payments to anyone. None.
I guess sneaking around is ok
But in the end, really all the matters is the kids. Everyone party to a divorce should know this and most do. It's a few that really mess it up and screw around.
Another example of someone sneaking around. My second wife, before we were divorced, did something pretty bad. Both of us had good jobs and obviously financially independent of one another. In fact, we NEVER had a joint checking/savings account. Only joint debt, like cars, house, credit cards.
When I first got sick, I signed over power of attorney to her. I also turned over all bill paying (the job, not the money) to her. I was in an out of the hospital too much to make rational decisions. And I trusted her. So, one time when I was in the hospital, she came with the check book and had me sign a bunch of checks to pay bills, including my car payment. No problem, right? Wrong. She took the checks, wrote one to herself and deposited the money in her account, another to pay the vet bill for "her" dog and the last one, to a lawyer so she could declare bankruptcy on ALL of our JOINT debt. Not for both of us. Just her. Including her car, my car, our credit cards, utility bills, mortage, everything. And she told me she made the payments to all of them. I didn't find out until December 15th, 2004 when the repo guy showed up at my house at 2:00 to take my RX-300. We split up 3 weeks later. And THAT was one of the nicer things she did.
She made no payments to anyone. None.
I guess sneaking around is ok
If she is being abused, it's pretty easy. Pick up the phone, call the cops, have him arrested and have an order of protection issued and file for divorce. He is then barred for entering the marital home legally.
Danny...I remember you talking of this a while back. You used to have a different sign in name way back. I was reading the posts of this man and was horrified as to what he was going through. Then I realized it was you!!! I have nothing but respect for you and your story is so inspiring!
The mother of your kids will get whats coming to her! I know that in my heart! I admire you so much. Donna is out of line...no way in hell can you paint everyone with the same brush. I know all you have endured and we can all give as good as we get but some give way more than they should!
Women can be just as evil as men in every sense of the word. I am a women and have endured so much but I refuse to be a victim!
The mother of your kids will get whats coming to her! I know that in my heart! I admire you so much. Donna is out of line...no way in hell can you paint everyone with the same brush. I know all you have endured and we can all give as good as we get but some give way more than they should!
Women can be just as evil as men in every sense of the word. I am a women and have endured so much but I refuse to be a victim!
You're totally right, Danny.
Laws are changing, thankfully, but women can still be in physical danger sometimes.
A vicious husband can bond himself out and come for blood. Many women get killed this way.
I had over twenty police reports against husbutt 1. Law enforcement did nothing. Even though I divorced him, it was still labled domestic violence. A restraining order is or was, only good if the cops got there in time to catch him. (they never did)
You think with a rational man's mind. I wish all men did. That makes it all the worse that you were treated so terribly.Creepy guys get away with everything and good ones like you get the shaft. Go figure.
xxxxxoooo
Laws are changing, thankfully, but women can still be in physical danger sometimes.
A vicious husband can bond himself out and come for blood. Many women get killed this way.
I had over twenty police reports against husbutt 1. Law enforcement did nothing. Even though I divorced him, it was still labled domestic violence. A restraining order is or was, only good if the cops got there in time to catch him. (they never did)
You think with a rational man's mind. I wish all men did. That makes it all the worse that you were treated so terribly.Creepy guys get away with everything and good ones like you get the shaft. Go figure.
xxxxxoooo
Kat,
I think it's because good people do the right thing while the immoral ones work the system and get away with murder, quite literally. I interned in a women's shelter while I was in grad school and some of the stories haunt me to this day.
I agree wholeheartedly that abusive spouses come in both genders but the legal system has yet to catch up with that.
And Kerri, you told me about this woman who can't live within a $27K/mo budget. Un-f***ing-believable! WTH is she? Imelda Marcos?
I think it's because good people do the right thing while the immoral ones work the system and get away with murder, quite literally. I interned in a women's shelter while I was in grad school and some of the stories haunt me to this day.
I agree wholeheartedly that abusive spouses come in both genders but the legal system has yet to catch up with that.
And Kerri, you told me about this woman who can't live within a $27K/mo budget. Un-f***ing-believable! WTH is she? Imelda Marcos?
