The issue of domestic violence is one very close to my heart. I lost my mother when I was 12 years old. Her husband at the time used to beat her senseless and leave her laying in her own blood pool. Until her finally did the deed and shot her at close range with a 12 gauge shot gun.
So I know all about how women suffer at the hands of abusive partners...I also knows it goes both ways. I have many years to work through this and I will never allow abuse of any sort anywhere near me or my family! However its still painful and what I think of what I have lost...what my kids have lost and my granddaughter has lost....because we never got to know this amazing women it makes me sad. I am an advocate for abused people!!!
Kat,
I am sorry that you have endured what you have. You are so strong and I am happy that you have taken back your own power. If someone ever tried to hurt me or my family I would perhaps be the one in jail....no doubt about it!
Kee- yep- You remember, so you know I'm not bs'ing...it happened. I just shake my head and am glad it's over.
Kat- See, I think a lot of women are afraid to call the cops or press their rights. How many times do we read about the psycho husband coming back and going crazy. A lot I think so the fear is justified.
But doing it is better than living through the abuse. I think it's the cops that become lacksidaical (did I spell that right?). They see a lot of domestic "disturbances" abuse or otherwise and some don't really want to get involved in what they view as "family business". If you have an order of protection, and if the cops won't do anything, you can get an emergency hearing before the judge who issued it and they will pick the person up and detaine him.
The whole thing and the system itself is a mess.
Kat- See, I think a lot of women are afraid to call the cops or press their rights. How many times do we read about the psycho husband coming back and going crazy. A lot I think so the fear is justified.
But doing it is better than living through the abuse. I think it's the cops that become lacksidaical (did I spell that right?). They see a lot of domestic "disturbances" abuse or otherwise and some don't really want to get involved in what they view as "family business". If you have an order of protection, and if the cops won't do anything, you can get an emergency hearing before the judge who issued it and they will pick the person up and detaine him.
The whole thing and the system itself is a mess.
Kerri, Danny, Kat,
I interned at a women's shelter when I was in grad school and some of their stories haunt me to this day. I'm so, so sorry about your mother, Kerri. You remind me that was the hurt in the children's eyes that cut the deepest.
It was so hard to convince some of these women that abuse might eventually end in death and even harder to convince the police -- in those bad old days -- to do anything about it.
Abusers come from both genders. I hope the law changes to acknowledge that simple fact.
I interned at a women's shelter when I was in grad school and some of their stories haunt me to this day. I'm so, so sorry about your mother, Kerri. You remind me that was the hurt in the children's eyes that cut the deepest.
It was so hard to convince some of these women that abuse might eventually end in death and even harder to convince the police -- in those bad old days -- to do anything about it.
Abusers come from both genders. I hope the law changes to acknowledge that simple fact.
Hey Brien/Methadone25,
Welcome to the board. Keep posting and tell us your story. You could start your own thread so your story doesn't get lost in this one.
Cheers,
Gina
Welcome to the board. Keep posting and tell us your story. You could start your own thread so your story doesn't get lost in this one.
Cheers,
Gina
I think you hit it on the nose, Gina.
I can imagine what you saw and I'm not surprised it haunts you still. I think it might be a good idea if all teens, male and female, spent some time doing a little community service at a woman's shelter. Some important life lessons could be learned there. I might check into that and have Kes do it for an extra credit assignment.
Oh Keekee, how heart wrenching for you. No wonder this subject is one close to your heart. I know your Mom is proud of the very special person that she brought into this world. What an honor and inspiration it is to know someone as brave as you. I'm so sorry that your kids have missed out on their grandma, but I believe that in a sense, they know her. They're blessed with you.
xxxxxoooooo
I can imagine what you saw and I'm not surprised it haunts you still. I think it might be a good idea if all teens, male and female, spent some time doing a little community service at a woman's shelter. Some important life lessons could be learned there. I might check into that and have Kes do it for an extra credit assignment.
Oh Keekee, how heart wrenching for you. No wonder this subject is one close to your heart. I know your Mom is proud of the very special person that she brought into this world. What an honor and inspiration it is to know someone as brave as you. I'm so sorry that your kids have missed out on their grandma, but I believe that in a sense, they know her. They're blessed with you.
xxxxxoooooo
Kat and Gina...thank you...your words have touched my heart. Bless you. Man this is getting heavy! Sheesh.....
Okay I have go to run for the day! K has a birthday party at the neighbors...its swimming and jumping...bless that women's soul!...LOL
I am off for a run and to spend a little time at the beach1 I will see you all later!
Okay I have go to run for the day! K has a birthday party at the neighbors...its swimming and jumping...bless that women's soul!...LOL
I am off for a run and to spend a little time at the beach1 I will see you all later!
Another problem is children of abusers often become abusers themselves later in life. It's like a never ending cycle. Pretty sick.
This was a definite twisting of my words!
Per Danny: "I am TOTALLY not in favor of someone sneaking around and stealing money to build up some war chest. She should of had a job from day one and credit cards and bank account."
Sheesh - nowhere in my post does it recommend sneaking and stealing but rather getting self sufficient.
Per Danny: "I am TOTALLY not in favor of someone sneaking around and stealing money to build up some war chest. She should of had a job from day one and credit cards and bank account."
Sheesh - nowhere in my post does it recommend sneaking and stealing but rather getting self sufficient.
Donna I read what you posted and all I can say --OY VEY
You really believe all that?
I feel sorry for woman who blame a man for there problems. All THE ONES YOU MENTIONED.
a MAN HITS YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME EXAMPLE?
Why would you stay. I assume domestic violence did not start on the first date?
Anyway I asked this question and well for me its 50-50
You have no idea what i gave up. And all those cliques about men and woman is BULL IMO--The woman as you put it POOR POOR ME. I saw so much domestic violence in a previous career and there was always 3 sides to the story
Anyway I just have a problem with any woman or man blaming there problems on the other partner. Its your life we all can take control.
Its scary and takes BALLS Donna.
I certainly am not here to attack anybody or judge what you feel. There your opinions and you have a write to them.
But I strongly disagree.
Us men get the raw deal each time . All the courts favor the woman. ALL COURTS.
Its a joke. If not for my kids My financial situation would be ?? Pretty cool. But that would have meant for me to become a monster to go against everyhting THAT MY MOM AND DAD TAUGHT ME. INSTEAD I GAVE IT ALL UP AND CONTINUE TO GIVE WHEN MY EX HAS 2 GOOD INCOMES MY SUPPORT KILLS ME FINANCIALLY BUT ITSTHE DEAL I AGREED TO.
I AM IN A CYCLE. A BAD ONE. HARD WORK WILL FIX IT--IN DUE TIME --PATIENCE-
FOOD IS CALLING ME --LATER
Jeff
You really believe all that?
I feel sorry for woman who blame a man for there problems. All THE ONES YOU MENTIONED.
a MAN HITS YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME EXAMPLE?
Why would you stay. I assume domestic violence did not start on the first date?
Anyway I asked this question and well for me its 50-50
You have no idea what i gave up. And all those cliques about men and woman is BULL IMO--The woman as you put it POOR POOR ME. I saw so much domestic violence in a previous career and there was always 3 sides to the story
Anyway I just have a problem with any woman or man blaming there problems on the other partner. Its your life we all can take control.
Its scary and takes BALLS Donna.
I certainly am not here to attack anybody or judge what you feel. There your opinions and you have a write to them.
But I strongly disagree.
Us men get the raw deal each time . All the courts favor the woman. ALL COURTS.
Its a joke. If not for my kids My financial situation would be ?? Pretty cool. But that would have meant for me to become a monster to go against everyhting THAT MY MOM AND DAD TAUGHT ME. INSTEAD I GAVE IT ALL UP AND CONTINUE TO GIVE WHEN MY EX HAS 2 GOOD INCOMES MY SUPPORT KILLS ME FINANCIALLY BUT ITSTHE DEAL I AGREED TO.
I AM IN A CYCLE. A BAD ONE. HARD WORK WILL FIX IT--IN DUE TIME --PATIENCE-
FOOD IS CALLING ME --LATER
Jeff
Danny I have always had issues with blamers. Men like you are not the Norm?
Or myself? Were all dogs abusers etc--Yea Right.
I know what you gave up--It hurts man. I am on my way to see my sis BIL nieces as they leave tom
Have a good night My divorced comrade.
Jeff
Or myself? Were all dogs abusers etc--Yea Right.
I know what you gave up--It hurts man. I am on my way to see my sis BIL nieces as they leave tom
Have a good night My divorced comrade.
Jeff
That's because like Danny, you're one of the good guys, Jeff. You care what happens to your kids. You want them to have nice clothes and all the things they need.
I think the courts do favor the women. Unfortunately, many men won't obey the court orders.
The whole system is screwed.
Child support should be fair and reasonable and the parent who owes it should care enough to pay it.
If only, huh?
xxxxooo
I think the courts do favor the women. Unfortunately, many men won't obey the court orders.
The whole system is screwed.
Child support should be fair and reasonable and the parent who owes it should care enough to pay it.
If only, huh?
xxxxooo
Um, nope I disagree.
Maybe it is just here, but why in the world do the judges here keep issuing "judgements" with no consequence?
I have over $50k in judgments, to be paid back at the rate of $50 a month. Jackass can't even do that...
do you think the judge does anything? His boss also BLATANTLY IGNORED FEDERAL ISSUED ORDERS OF INCOME WITHHOLDING FOR OVER 3 YEARS and HIS OTHER BOSS BLATANTLY LIED TO THE JUDGE ABOUT HIS EMPLOYMENT.
do you think they did anything? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Uh uh. It would take 80 years to get those arrears paid. 80 years.
AND, those two jackasses got caught lying to childsupport about his income. Don't you think that would be a federal crime?
Instead, the woman at child support issued an inflammatory and untrue affadavit regarding me; because I wrote letters implicating her utter incompetence and called her office a joke.
meanwhile, my kids suffer.
Please, don't even get me started....lol.
Maybe it is just here, but why in the world do the judges here keep issuing "judgements" with no consequence?
I have over $50k in judgments, to be paid back at the rate of $50 a month. Jackass can't even do that...
do you think the judge does anything? His boss also BLATANTLY IGNORED FEDERAL ISSUED ORDERS OF INCOME WITHHOLDING FOR OVER 3 YEARS and HIS OTHER BOSS BLATANTLY LIED TO THE JUDGE ABOUT HIS EMPLOYMENT.
do you think they did anything? Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Uh uh. It would take 80 years to get those arrears paid. 80 years.
AND, those two jackasses got caught lying to childsupport about his income. Don't you think that would be a federal crime?
Instead, the woman at child support issued an inflammatory and untrue affadavit regarding me; because I wrote letters implicating her utter incompetence and called her office a joke.
meanwhile, my kids suffer.
Please, don't even get me started....lol.
I could go on a tangent too, Kerry, lol.
I'm owed about the same amount and will never see it, and it wasn't because I didn't go to court and try.
We had some ridiculous law here that you couldn't make a complaint about child support until they had missed so many payments. (I can't remember now how many) When it was time for that last payment, the ex would magically send me one week's child support. It was just enough to keep him from being prosecuted.
I didn't put up with it by choice. I just wasn't given any options.
I have the utmost respect for men who support their children. I was just never so lucky.
xxxxoooo
I'm owed about the same amount and will never see it, and it wasn't because I didn't go to court and try.
We had some ridiculous law here that you couldn't make a complaint about child support until they had missed so many payments. (I can't remember now how many) When it was time for that last payment, the ex would magically send me one week's child support. It was just enough to keep him from being prosecuted.
I didn't put up with it by choice. I just wasn't given any options.
I have the utmost respect for men who support their children. I was just never so lucky.
xxxxoooo
83.3 years to be exact Kerri and $50 is insane. You can make more than that panhandling.
Actually, those orders are issued by the state. There are no federal withholding guidlines but there should be and the amount should be tied into the individuals w-2. And there are laws in place to prevent what you said. It's contempt and perjury. Tough to prove though.
It's not uncommon for NCP's (non-custodial parents) to hide income or whatever. It happens a lot, especially if the person is paid in cash or their income is not reported to the IRS.
The laws are unfair for a reason. There are too many people out there that shirk their responsibility to their children, which makes it hard for the rest.
But ANOTHER example of judgments is my first brought me back to court for a laundry list of expenses I felt should be covered by child support. These expenses were hot lunches in school, school clothes (which she paid for is CASH), various medical stuff not covered by my insurance (co-pays, etc) for which she was responsible for per court order, my kids auto insurance (so they could drive to school). That kind of stuff. The judge ruled against me. I think school lunch and clothes and stuff should be child support. I also bought them plenty of clothes and bought them their cars to begin with. Anyway, so after court, I wrote her a check for $7,000. I asked a couple of days later for a letter releasing me from the judgment and she has refused. Totally. She won't write it. So, now I have to go to court and prove to them it was paid. Talk about BS.
Actually, those orders are issued by the state. There are no federal withholding guidlines but there should be and the amount should be tied into the individuals w-2. And there are laws in place to prevent what you said. It's contempt and perjury. Tough to prove though.
It's not uncommon for NCP's (non-custodial parents) to hide income or whatever. It happens a lot, especially if the person is paid in cash or their income is not reported to the IRS.
The laws are unfair for a reason. There are too many people out there that shirk their responsibility to their children, which makes it hard for the rest.
But ANOTHER example of judgments is my first brought me back to court for a laundry list of expenses I felt should be covered by child support. These expenses were hot lunches in school, school clothes (which she paid for is CASH), various medical stuff not covered by my insurance (co-pays, etc) for which she was responsible for per court order, my kids auto insurance (so they could drive to school). That kind of stuff. The judge ruled against me. I think school lunch and clothes and stuff should be child support. I also bought them plenty of clothes and bought them their cars to begin with. Anyway, so after court, I wrote her a check for $7,000. I asked a couple of days later for a letter releasing me from the judgment and she has refused. Totally. She won't write it. So, now I have to go to court and prove to them it was paid. Talk about BS.
ummmmmm...I'm having a hard time concentrating on my paper....damn!
Jeff: Just so you know, abusive relationships...regardless of which gender is being abused, get "larger than life" so to speak relatively quickly. It is the nature of the thing...like an addiction, it is easy enough to say "walk away, this isn't good for me"...but just like a drug addiction, you have to find your bottom.
I don't whine about the past, it is what it is...and I refused to live like a victim, but it wasn't my fault AT ALL. I never asked to be slapped, spit on, burned with cigarettes, pushed down stairs, left on roadsides, locked out of my own home, my clothes to be given away to strangers, etc. Am I a FOOL for sticking around so long?...no, just Catholic, and young and naive and thinking for sure, if I did "this" then that kind of thing wouldn't happen anymore. Helping him make it all my responsibility.
I called the police, many times. I had to...to make him run, get him off me, etc. In the end, the only thing that slowed all that crazy making down was him fearing for his own reputation with his law partners.
Also, this was many years ago...laws were different, awareness and the ability to talk about this was different, etc. But in my divorce, I got nothing...absolutely nothing, and I got hung with ALL the debt. How? Why? I was too weak and terrified to fight. I was divorcing a very intelligent, abusive, lawyer.
And still I will say to you: EVERYTHING HAPPENED EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD!
I didn't need anything from him to make my life livable and for that I thank God. I worked hard, paid that debt off...and within 3 years, had my own business. I built a life for myself and that was priceless. Like I said in my post earlier, it wasn't always pretty, but it is all MINE!
I know you don't blame women who are abused for the abuse they are suffering because you aren't that kind of man, but I wanted you to know...it is difficult to leave those situations sometimes. We have to learn somehow that it isn't our fault we are being treated the way abusers treat their victim...then, we have to somehow muster the courage to make the change. It can be very, very difficult. I have nothing but compassion for others who go through this.
Gina, I am sure, from talking with women in the shelter, you know exactly what I am talking about! You could probably explain it a lot better too!
S.
Jeff: Just so you know, abusive relationships...regardless of which gender is being abused, get "larger than life" so to speak relatively quickly. It is the nature of the thing...like an addiction, it is easy enough to say "walk away, this isn't good for me"...but just like a drug addiction, you have to find your bottom.
I don't whine about the past, it is what it is...and I refused to live like a victim, but it wasn't my fault AT ALL. I never asked to be slapped, spit on, burned with cigarettes, pushed down stairs, left on roadsides, locked out of my own home, my clothes to be given away to strangers, etc. Am I a FOOL for sticking around so long?...no, just Catholic, and young and naive and thinking for sure, if I did "this" then that kind of thing wouldn't happen anymore. Helping him make it all my responsibility.
I called the police, many times. I had to...to make him run, get him off me, etc. In the end, the only thing that slowed all that crazy making down was him fearing for his own reputation with his law partners.
Also, this was many years ago...laws were different, awareness and the ability to talk about this was different, etc. But in my divorce, I got nothing...absolutely nothing, and I got hung with ALL the debt. How? Why? I was too weak and terrified to fight. I was divorcing a very intelligent, abusive, lawyer.
And still I will say to you: EVERYTHING HAPPENED EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD!
I didn't need anything from him to make my life livable and for that I thank God. I worked hard, paid that debt off...and within 3 years, had my own business. I built a life for myself and that was priceless. Like I said in my post earlier, it wasn't always pretty, but it is all MINE!
I know you don't blame women who are abused for the abuse they are suffering because you aren't that kind of man, but I wanted you to know...it is difficult to leave those situations sometimes. We have to learn somehow that it isn't our fault we are being treated the way abusers treat their victim...then, we have to somehow muster the courage to make the change. It can be very, very difficult. I have nothing but compassion for others who go through this.
Gina, I am sure, from talking with women in the shelter, you know exactly what I am talking about! You could probably explain it a lot better too!
S.
I'm one of the lucky ones..I have a good marriage and wonderful husband. I did however have a first husband who was not so wonderful and I am lucky to be out of that relationship. I didn't stick around long enough to see if the abuse would get worse, I guess that's my personality. Nobody walks on me. I do realize though, that it's different for everyone and I had the family support needed to get out. So many don't. It's sad.
Sarah, I too am Catholic.
They certainly can lay on the guilt..
They certainly can lay on the guilt..
Danny:
Good Catholic girls don't have premarital sex.
Then, good catholic wives don't get divorces.
Sheesh, it's enough to not trust God! hee hee hee...I know you know what I mean!
Lisa:
Hello there! Getting good news for my husband on the job search thingie! Things are looking really well...finally! Post a pic of the new do...I wanna see!
OVERSIGHT: Kee Kee, I just wanted to acknowledge what you posted about your mother. I am so sorry you endured that kind of pain as a child. I know it couldn't have been easy for you growing up. You are such a beautiful woman, full of wisdom and love. Amazing, and proof of the true nature of the human spirit which is to "bloom where it is planted". I have nothing but respect for your sense of love of life! Here's to you!
S.
Good Catholic girls don't have premarital sex.
Then, good catholic wives don't get divorces.
Sheesh, it's enough to not trust God! hee hee hee...I know you know what I mean!
Lisa:
Hello there! Getting good news for my husband on the job search thingie! Things are looking really well...finally! Post a pic of the new do...I wanna see!
OVERSIGHT: Kee Kee, I just wanted to acknowledge what you posted about your mother. I am so sorry you endured that kind of pain as a child. I know it couldn't have been easy for you growing up. You are such a beautiful woman, full of wisdom and love. Amazing, and proof of the true nature of the human spirit which is to "bloom where it is planted". I have nothing but respect for your sense of love of life! Here's to you!
S.
Sarah, I spent 12 years in Catholic school. I also have been married twice and have a vasectomy. I am going to Hell for sure. See ya there!
Seriously, besides that stuff, I'm a pretty good Catholic. I never had sex except for procreation, which means I have done it a total of 5 times.
Seriously, besides that stuff, I'm a pretty good Catholic. I never had sex except for procreation, which means I have done it a total of 5 times.
I was abused for years as a kid. Abuse is abuse. I am not trying to start a war but I guess for me I just feel that men-woman its 50-50. I was put in a situation on how to handle my abuse.
I did take care of . Heavy duty action I took or Could have ran from it.
I as a Good hearted man? hit a woman? The man should have his hand cut off.
But I dont get the first hit and then the I will never do it again stuff.; And the cycle begins.
I spent over 5yrs of my life working and learning with Private providers all ex Probation officers Judges Bounty Hunters.
God I learned a lot.
Abuse verbal domestic IMO it can be stopped. Its up to the parents.
It does not take a genius to figure out why we have so many Pucked up people.
Cause most people who have kids are kids either literally by age or just plain Immature for there age..
I have so many stories about "Parents"--its our responsibility to drop any anger to do right by our kids. If you fail to honor that responsibility well then the cycle will continue-IMO
People tend to be selfish. I only share my story. I did a lot of crazy stuff but If you knew my story the whole story I only hurt myself.
My pre married days? My ex met me and we stayed together because she saw something in me.
I caused a wedding to be delayed but it was not really a big deal cause all the family members felt we were rushing anyway. They did not know how messed up I was.
My Ex I shared everything. From the whores the binges the whole story. Got tested and re-tested for all STD as I was afraid I may have something. God looking back its a miracle but I have 2 healthy kids and I have nothing clean as a whistle.
Probably all the massive antibiotics as I constantly was in hospitals for sinus problems all throughout my using . Maybe prednisone fights STD--
Anyway I asked the question last night as M.J was in a bad way.
Thought it may help her.
Jeff
I did take care of . Heavy duty action I took or Could have ran from it.
I as a Good hearted man? hit a woman? The man should have his hand cut off.
But I dont get the first hit and then the I will never do it again stuff.; And the cycle begins.
I spent over 5yrs of my life working and learning with Private providers all ex Probation officers Judges Bounty Hunters.
God I learned a lot.
Abuse verbal domestic IMO it can be stopped. Its up to the parents.
It does not take a genius to figure out why we have so many Pucked up people.
Cause most people who have kids are kids either literally by age or just plain Immature for there age..
I have so many stories about "Parents"--its our responsibility to drop any anger to do right by our kids. If you fail to honor that responsibility well then the cycle will continue-IMO
People tend to be selfish. I only share my story. I did a lot of crazy stuff but If you knew my story the whole story I only hurt myself.
My pre married days? My ex met me and we stayed together because she saw something in me.
I caused a wedding to be delayed but it was not really a big deal cause all the family members felt we were rushing anyway. They did not know how messed up I was.
My Ex I shared everything. From the whores the binges the whole story. Got tested and re-tested for all STD as I was afraid I may have something. God looking back its a miracle but I have 2 healthy kids and I have nothing clean as a whistle.
Probably all the massive antibiotics as I constantly was in hospitals for sinus problems all throughout my using . Maybe prednisone fights STD--
Anyway I asked the question last night as M.J was in a bad way.
Thought it may help her.
Jeff
