Sarah,
You are so loving to say that to me. I appreciate your kind kind words. I refuse to be victim of anything.....I know that I have instilled that in those I was and am responsible for raising I have come through some very harsh things, but I do believe like you, it happened exactly the way it was supose to..
Sometimes that eases the pain.!
Thank you a million times....it was nice hear that today.
Kerri, I just saw your post. Don't know how I missed that.
I am so sorry to hear that. I also think you are a stellar human being and you are an amazing grandmother.
Somethings are just to awful to comprehend. I am so sorry.
I am so sorry to hear that. I also think you are a stellar human being and you are an amazing grandmother.
Somethings are just to awful to comprehend. I am so sorry.
((((((((((((kee kee)))))))))))
after i read what you wrote, i have forgotten what this thread is even about..
i am just so very sorry that happened...
i just want to offer you my love form my heart...
and give you a hug....
that is very deep.....
i love you kerri..........
you are such a beauitufl lady, you are stunning......and classy
and have a heart of GOLD.....
thumper
after i read what you wrote, i have forgotten what this thread is even about..
i am just so very sorry that happened...
i just want to offer you my love form my heart...
and give you a hug....
that is very deep.....
i love you kerri..........
you are such a beauitufl lady, you are stunning......and classy
and have a heart of GOLD.....
thumper
Thank you...you know I feel the same way about you! Not the grammie part! The mommy part! You also are a beautiful women. The absolute last thing in the world that I want is pity or sympathy....I hope that it doesnt come across that way.
I have know some people for many years that know nothing about this...its not shame..how could it be...its just my personal experience with domestic violence. There are so many out there that are motherless and fatherless because of this issue.
Thank you for letting me sharen...my heart is smiling away!
Thumper...thank you for loving me...you are such a giving loyal wonderful human being....your light shines bright, I have always said that!!!
Now stop it.....I am getting all teary eyed....lol
I have know some people for many years that know nothing about this...its not shame..how could it be...its just my personal experience with domestic violence. There are so many out there that are motherless and fatherless because of this issue.
Thank you for letting me sharen...my heart is smiling away!
Thumper...thank you for loving me...you are such a giving loyal wonderful human being....your light shines bright, I have always said that!!!
Now stop it.....I am getting all teary eyed....lol
Hey Danny - Before I "move along" as you put it, Ill fill you in on a few more details so you dont just make assumptions that are totally not the case.
In and out of his alcoholic rages, affairs and abuse he was probably aware she had a job. She did not HIDE it from him at all. YOU assumed that. Too many women are well aware that they cant just leave when they want to. They need to be able to provide for themselves and they need to be able to feel safe when they leave. Who paid for the car she drove? Youve got to be kidding.! Unfortunately she did not drive the nicest vehicle but Id say she wasnt paid nearly enough for what she did for him. The home she tried to keep nice in between him smashing plates and burning her clothes. The 3 kids she took care of 24 hours since he was mostly incapable of being in charge of them. Unfortunately too many women live like this. I certainly wouldnt. It would take one slap for me to tell the loser this is not the life I want. Again though unfortunately too many women give these losers 2nd, 3rd. 20 chances. By then they are so beaten down they dont know how to leave. Unfortunately though there are too many men who think the wife should be happy she has "food on the table" in between his abuse or disappeances. I had no idea my friend was going through what she was going through. I have to say she was more of an aquaintance actually but we became closer later on. I knew he was loud and never around but it wasnt something I knew much else about. She got the house because he had another home with a girlfriend. HE was the one who hid his money. He stole money from the bank he worked at. By the time she got her day in court she was a basket case. Courts handed down a list of things he needed to do to get even supervised visitation. There is usually a very good reason when this happens. To this day she lives in fear of this guy. Even though he still has this girlfriend, she was not as lucky as you were Sarah, as he is not totally out of her life.
In and out of his alcoholic rages, affairs and abuse he was probably aware she had a job. She did not HIDE it from him at all. YOU assumed that. Too many women are well aware that they cant just leave when they want to. They need to be able to provide for themselves and they need to be able to feel safe when they leave. Who paid for the car she drove? Youve got to be kidding.! Unfortunately she did not drive the nicest vehicle but Id say she wasnt paid nearly enough for what she did for him. The home she tried to keep nice in between him smashing plates and burning her clothes. The 3 kids she took care of 24 hours since he was mostly incapable of being in charge of them. Unfortunately too many women live like this. I certainly wouldnt. It would take one slap for me to tell the loser this is not the life I want. Again though unfortunately too many women give these losers 2nd, 3rd. 20 chances. By then they are so beaten down they dont know how to leave. Unfortunately though there are too many men who think the wife should be happy she has "food on the table" in between his abuse or disappeances. I had no idea my friend was going through what she was going through. I have to say she was more of an aquaintance actually but we became closer later on. I knew he was loud and never around but it wasnt something I knew much else about. She got the house because he had another home with a girlfriend. HE was the one who hid his money. He stole money from the bank he worked at. By the time she got her day in court she was a basket case. Courts handed down a list of things he needed to do to get even supervised visitation. There is usually a very good reason when this happens. To this day she lives in fear of this guy. Even though he still has this girlfriend, she was not as lucky as you were Sarah, as he is not totally out of her life.
I don't know if its just me or not.
Donna, its ok to be wrong sometimes, it just shows that you are human. In fact being wrong and learning something new helps us grow as people. No one is keeping score here, you drop these little innuendos and then become super defensive when someone calls you on it.
Its not an argument that you have to win and it ok to have different opinions, but you accuse someone of something and then you get right uptight about there opinion. You can "give" so to speak but have a hard time "getting".
We all will have different and varying opinions, but unless you have personally lived through "domestic violence" you can't imagine the horror of it.
To say that someone "twists words" well perhaps you think that for a reason because when you point a finger there are 3 pointing back at you.
This is just an observation it could be me, we have had these "word" issues before. Its not personal please don't get upset I just want to give you my opinion on this matter. Do you know Danny's story? I know he is a big boy and can stick up for himself, that's not what this is about. Its just this topic is very close to my heart. I do a lot of things for this cause and am passionate about it and am very involved in seeing that both women and men that suffer at the hands of someone else are safe and healthy.
Hope your having a good day....no need to be so defensive.
Donna, its ok to be wrong sometimes, it just shows that you are human. In fact being wrong and learning something new helps us grow as people. No one is keeping score here, you drop these little innuendos and then become super defensive when someone calls you on it.
Its not an argument that you have to win and it ok to have different opinions, but you accuse someone of something and then you get right uptight about there opinion. You can "give" so to speak but have a hard time "getting".
We all will have different and varying opinions, but unless you have personally lived through "domestic violence" you can't imagine the horror of it.
To say that someone "twists words" well perhaps you think that for a reason because when you point a finger there are 3 pointing back at you.
This is just an observation it could be me, we have had these "word" issues before. Its not personal please don't get upset I just want to give you my opinion on this matter. Do you know Danny's story? I know he is a big boy and can stick up for himself, that's not what this is about. Its just this topic is very close to my heart. I do a lot of things for this cause and am passionate about it and am very involved in seeing that both women and men that suffer at the hands of someone else are safe and healthy.
Hope your having a good day....no need to be so defensive.
Danny you have no idea how many times the cops nightly answer domestic calls. The woman and men are wasted one hits the other and boom 911-one runs down the street cops ask if woman or man want to press charges and its NO--
So the cops get tired of dealing with the same crap.
This is quite common. I am sorry but after all I have seen the woman can fight back . You read about just as many woman killing husbands as you do woman.
Us men do get screwed I don't care what anyone says in the courts. If a woman decides that she will trust her man and not protect her interests in the marriage? That's there stupidity.
Like my Ex. I tried to explain she has not paid any taxes towards S.S so I would put her on my payroll. But she needed to take blood work for life insurance and Health insurance to come on board. Blew it off and I ended up selling the business.
She is a putz. To this day a1099 pays nothing in to S.S--maybe she is smart that the system will be KAPUT by the time she would collect?
My parents get like 20,000 a year they deserve each penny. Coming handy now paying for unforeseen medical expenses.
Danny have a good day--Jeff
So the cops get tired of dealing with the same crap.
This is quite common. I am sorry but after all I have seen the woman can fight back . You read about just as many woman killing husbands as you do woman.
Us men do get screwed I don't care what anyone says in the courts. If a woman decides that she will trust her man and not protect her interests in the marriage? That's there stupidity.
Like my Ex. I tried to explain she has not paid any taxes towards S.S so I would put her on my payroll. But she needed to take blood work for life insurance and Health insurance to come on board. Blew it off and I ended up selling the business.
She is a putz. To this day a1099 pays nothing in to S.S--maybe she is smart that the system will be KAPUT by the time she would collect?
My parents get like 20,000 a year they deserve each penny. Coming handy now paying for unforeseen medical expenses.
Danny have a good day--Jeff
Kerry,
I think if anyone took on an attitude with this post its you and Danny. Im sorry but for him to turn around words in a post the way he did especially on a topic as sensitive as this is just wrong. I understand there are men like him who get the raw end of the deal. But the subject of this post was "how to leave a bad marriage" and I think, that for women they need some planning. Im sure there are many women here on this post who are stuck in marriages because they see no way out.
I dont know what you mean when you say its ok to be wrong. Who was wrong? Danny has his point of view on women and I have mine. I stated something and he changed it to mean something else. YOU, dear Kerry, had to then AMEN him for going after me in a post. I didnt realize sides were being taken here. If Im being defensive, well, thats for all the women who suffer with men who have no respect for them. Danny's not the only one to get a raw deal in life and his two marriages. I hope he learned from them. I didnt see him offer any constructive advice as to how to leave a bad marriage though - Jeff either. Women, if you are living with a marriage you see no way out of, please seek help and advice. You dont have to continue living with a man you dont want to.
Ive said my peace on this subject, any further respones I suppose would just be "being defensive". My feelings are clear. I do hope others can offer some advice though to those seeking "how to leave a bad marriage"
I think if anyone took on an attitude with this post its you and Danny. Im sorry but for him to turn around words in a post the way he did especially on a topic as sensitive as this is just wrong. I understand there are men like him who get the raw end of the deal. But the subject of this post was "how to leave a bad marriage" and I think, that for women they need some planning. Im sure there are many women here on this post who are stuck in marriages because they see no way out.
I dont know what you mean when you say its ok to be wrong. Who was wrong? Danny has his point of view on women and I have mine. I stated something and he changed it to mean something else. YOU, dear Kerry, had to then AMEN him for going after me in a post. I didnt realize sides were being taken here. If Im being defensive, well, thats for all the women who suffer with men who have no respect for them. Danny's not the only one to get a raw deal in life and his two marriages. I hope he learned from them. I didnt see him offer any constructive advice as to how to leave a bad marriage though - Jeff either. Women, if you are living with a marriage you see no way out of, please seek help and advice. You dont have to continue living with a man you dont want to.
Ive said my peace on this subject, any further respones I suppose would just be "being defensive". My feelings are clear. I do hope others can offer some advice though to those seeking "how to leave a bad marriage"
Donna is it 50-50 why relationships go bad? Or is it the poor defensive woman who did nothing but somehow end up in a relationship they cannot get out of? that you feel is more the norm?
Just a few of us men do the right thing and the rest of us are "dogs"
To many men get the raw end of the stick..IMO
Jeff
Just a few of us men do the right thing and the rest of us are "dogs"
To many men get the raw end of the stick..IMO
Jeff
Donna,
if this thread had stayed exactly on the topic, we wouldn't have had the oppotunity to share freely. If you waste time arguing over a point, you cheat yourself from relating well with others.
KeeKee shared a very profound part of her life with us. Isn't that more meaningful than who twisted words or was wrong?
I apreciate being a part of this little community here that would allow the comfort in sharing as she did. Like Thumper, after reading what KeeKee said, I no longer remembered the title of the thread.
xxxxooooo
if this thread had stayed exactly on the topic, we wouldn't have had the oppotunity to share freely. If you waste time arguing over a point, you cheat yourself from relating well with others.
KeeKee shared a very profound part of her life with us. Isn't that more meaningful than who twisted words or was wrong?
I apreciate being a part of this little community here that would allow the comfort in sharing as she did. Like Thumper, after reading what KeeKee said, I no longer remembered the title of the thread.
xxxxooooo
Kat,
I have no problem with a thread going off topic - not at all. We should be able to expound an idea without a doubt! There were many helpful posts in this thread. My comment was meant to be helpful to those stuck in a marriage. It became much more than that because someone totally misconstrued it. Rather than offer any constructive information, they just knocked an opinion. Twice he responded to me with rather rude remarks. That was ok with you though huh?
Kat, there are alot of people who come, go and stay on this board. We all get different things out of it and offer different things to it.
I have no problem with a thread going off topic - not at all. We should be able to expound an idea without a doubt! There were many helpful posts in this thread. My comment was meant to be helpful to those stuck in a marriage. It became much more than that because someone totally misconstrued it. Rather than offer any constructive information, they just knocked an opinion. Twice he responded to me with rather rude remarks. That was ok with you though huh?
Kat, there are alot of people who come, go and stay on this board. We all get different things out of it and offer different things to it.
Donna I am quite familiar with abusive patterns and domestic violence and we will leave it at that.
Have a nice one.
Have a nice one.
Kat, thank you it's not easy to talk about this stuff. You are definitely one of the reasons why I am able to share the very intimate details of my life. It gives me strength!!!
Donna,
Man you are like a dog with a bone...lol. I think the real problem is is that Danny disagreed with your opinion and when that happened you told him that.
"he got a raw deal....but that was his side of the story! "
Then alluded to the fact that he was perhaps lying because he can "mince" words. It's derogatory towards him...you drew first blood, you know what....not all women do get shat end of the stick....just like not all men do...we all have a story to tell.
When you allude to the fact that someone is not being truthful and is mincing words...simply because there real life opinion differs from yours.
I mean even in your example...your friend got the house...and perhaps the kids....we are not talking about what is right or wrong..but rather which way the courts tend to lean......based on case law!!!
Donna,
Man you are like a dog with a bone...lol. I think the real problem is is that Danny disagreed with your opinion and when that happened you told him that.
"he got a raw deal....but that was his side of the story! "
Then alluded to the fact that he was perhaps lying because he can "mince" words. It's derogatory towards him...you drew first blood, you know what....not all women do get shat end of the stick....just like not all men do...we all have a story to tell.
When you allude to the fact that someone is not being truthful and is mincing words...simply because there real life opinion differs from yours.
I mean even in your example...your friend got the house...and perhaps the kids....we are not talking about what is right or wrong..but rather which way the courts tend to lean......based on case law!!!
KeeKee I would say you are the one with the bone, and it isnt even YOUR bone lol. I dont have a problem EVER with someone disagreeing with my opinion. That was not the case here at all. If he wants to disagree with my point of view that a woman should get herself financially stable and get away from violence sooner rather than later, hes entitled. I would of course still disagree but as the saying goes....hes entitled. The heart of this matter though had NOTHING to do with disagreeing with me but with completely misinterpreting what I said and that is something I cant see anyone just letting go. This is how he interpreted my post:
"I am TOTALLY not in favor of someone sneaking around and stealing money to build up some war chest. She should of had a job from day one and credit cards and bank account. "
THAT was so not what was stated AT ALL - but it is how HE interpreted it. This woman did not SNEAK or STEAL. This was not WAR to her - it was her LIFE. He slandered her with no good reason. She should have had a job from day one??? Is that so? So any woman who does not have a job from day one deserves abuse? HE did not WANT her to have a job. He did not want her to have a life outside of his torment. Noone would have ever known what was going on in that house as she kept it beautiful, she was a great mother, and if anything people wondered why she was with a guy like him - Alas because she loved him. She got a job working in the school cafeteria - no secret - but she was doing it for her security - and sanity. YES, she eventually got to stay in the house. This was HIS own undoing as he already had separate quarters with his "girlfriend". She had no idea what kind of money he was actually making - he was more or less leading a separate life.I am so upset that I even brought this womans story here. To me, hers is one of the successful stories for a woman who was beaten down and was able to rise above it all.
KeeKee, I cant believe that someone who has witnessed abuse as yourself has challenged this womans actions.. My comment on this thread was simply in regards to those who feel stuck, they need to be proactive. I will stand by that til my living end. I dont think theres a person alive who has not witnessed abuse either in their family or close friends. Its terrifying. The more empowered a woman can be the better off she will be. And for the record KeeKee - I could care less who disagrees with me - just dont twist my words to fit your liking! - as he did!
"I am TOTALLY not in favor of someone sneaking around and stealing money to build up some war chest. She should of had a job from day one and credit cards and bank account. "
THAT was so not what was stated AT ALL - but it is how HE interpreted it. This woman did not SNEAK or STEAL. This was not WAR to her - it was her LIFE. He slandered her with no good reason. She should have had a job from day one??? Is that so? So any woman who does not have a job from day one deserves abuse? HE did not WANT her to have a job. He did not want her to have a life outside of his torment. Noone would have ever known what was going on in that house as she kept it beautiful, she was a great mother, and if anything people wondered why she was with a guy like him - Alas because she loved him. She got a job working in the school cafeteria - no secret - but she was doing it for her security - and sanity. YES, she eventually got to stay in the house. This was HIS own undoing as he already had separate quarters with his "girlfriend". She had no idea what kind of money he was actually making - he was more or less leading a separate life.I am so upset that I even brought this womans story here. To me, hers is one of the successful stories for a woman who was beaten down and was able to rise above it all.
KeeKee, I cant believe that someone who has witnessed abuse as yourself has challenged this womans actions.. My comment on this thread was simply in regards to those who feel stuck, they need to be proactive. I will stand by that til my living end. I dont think theres a person alive who has not witnessed abuse either in their family or close friends. Its terrifying. The more empowered a woman can be the better off she will be. And for the record KeeKee - I could care less who disagrees with me - just dont twist my words to fit your liking! - as he did!
Sorry Donna, I already addressed each of your points.
Fughetabout it Danny.
WTF are you talking about Donna? I am not challenging "this womens" actions. I am so done...this is futile. Whoa.
