I have been clean know 4 -6 months now and my husband doent understand how hard it is to stay clean , he calls me and all fellow addicts "dopers" that really hurts! his fater is an addict and he has tottally turned his back on him, not me i will always be there for him not my husband won't, i think that is so wrong as a matter of fact his mother left his father while he was in rehab and dint even tell him, he finds out some how and feels as if noone is there 4 him he is still in rehab, glad he is safe there , but i can see the frustation of living w/ someone who is an addict but calling addicts names and making them feel as if there loosers because they are addicts is such a HUGE TRIGGER!!
As a matter of fact he use to yell at me all the time cause i was so lazy, slacked on life was always doctor hooping, any way to get my next high , never cleaned the house or made dinner & now I am the complete oppsite(sp)?, and he still talks crap. i swear to god he is my biggest trigger!!!! what do I do, i have no job and can't get on because I wouln't make enough money 4 day care, theres no point, it is so stressful!! we can not along for the life of me, but what do I do, with three kids and no money and he knows this and thats why he feels as if he can treat me as he does because he know oh she will never leave, need advise pleeeassse!! thanks for listening, oh yeah and he also said that addiction is not a disease, they just tell us that so we don't feel badly about being dopers, were his exzact words, ahhhhh, need advise please, ffa
p.s. how do you get someone to unerstand our disease w/o going to a meeting?? pleaaasssseee help me!!
I haven't told my husband. Probably because I know he would do the same thing as your husband is doing. He is being horrible to you. You have done some major changes to make your life better, why doesn't he appreciate that? I am in this alone. Day 9 for me. I really feel like crap. My husband just thinks I am sick. Lest does he know I am sick in the head. Just keep doing what you are doing....talk to him about how you feel. Does he know how bad he is making you feel?
yes, but he always says oh god, what do need some pills. always acusing me of being on vics and i am not also how could i even get the money I AM NOT EVEN ON THE ACCOUNT!! so imbarsing going into the bank and having to cash a check from my husnabd to me, they know me so well in the bank and are always asking me when is he going to add u on the account, AAAHHHH.
then i have to justify myself and why not and they i always have to tell him what i need the money for & then show him the reciepts, this irrates me so much, oh and its his money, and he tells me to get a job and i explain i want to but can not because of the twins and he just rolls his eyes at me, so u tell me why does he still say i am using and how w/o money?? please help i feel so trapped in this relationship and talk to him about it, forget it, talking to a wall is better than talking to him..
he yells at me for being on this website and tells me to get off of his coumpter, i hate him and this marriage as if i chose to be an addict, sorry guys i needed 2 let it out, any advise would be appriciated!! fa
then i have to justify myself and why not and they i always have to tell him what i need the money for & then show him the reciepts, this irrates me so much, oh and its his money, and he tells me to get a job and i explain i want to but can not because of the twins and he just rolls his eyes at me, so u tell me why does he still say i am using and how w/o money?? please help i feel so trapped in this relationship and talk to him about it, forget it, talking to a wall is better than talking to him..
he yells at me for being on this website and tells me to get off of his coumpter, i hate him and this marriage as if i chose to be an addict, sorry guys i needed 2 let it out, any advise would be appriciated!! fa
I feel so bad for you...just listening to you makes me feel so bad for you. My husband doesn't trust me with the money either. He questions everything. I even have a full time job and make good money. He doesn't know how much I used on pills. He would leave me for sure. So, you have been clean for months now, how do you feel (except for your husband?)....how long did it take before you felt normal? I feel like I am walking around in a fog. I am super clumsy. Any words of advice.
I really feel so bad that your husband feels this way. He should go with you to counseling. Easier said than done. I know. He is obviously very angry about the pills, etc.....
I really feel so bad that your husband feels this way. He should go with you to counseling. Easier said than done. I know. He is obviously very angry about the pills, etc.....
yeah he is really tired of all the lies and decet and stuff , but damm i felt like crap when i stopped taking the pills, i still felt not right, like i am here but, im not on perma stone, lol..
well i must say my hubby took me out today , after i asked for a divorce and bought me a 99 ford windstar van!! i know that was his way of saying I am sorry, i dont know how to feel, what do u think?? i am confussed , yes i am happy compared to what i was driving that was embarrsing. but i am happy about a new car but that doenst really make it ok or fill the void i feel in my heart all the stuff he has said and the way he has made me feel in this marriage.
wow how should i feel??? please advise me as what to do, how should i feel,, thanks for your listening, fa
well i must say my hubby took me out today , after i asked for a divorce and bought me a 99 ford windstar van!! i know that was his way of saying I am sorry, i dont know how to feel, what do u think?? i am confussed , yes i am happy compared to what i was driving that was embarrsing. but i am happy about a new car but that doenst really make it ok or fill the void i feel in my heart all the stuff he has said and the way he has made me feel in this marriage.
wow how should i feel??? please advise me as what to do, how should i feel,, thanks for your listening, fa
someone pleassseee answer my question, what should i do , how should i feel//??
I really don't know what to tell you.Did you ever think about marraige conseling? He just seems so controlling. As far as the van its almost like its a bribe. My husband is also an addict who doesn't think he is. (because you can;t be addicted to marijuana) I did the na/aa meetings and all he said is that its a cult. He said its like everyone sits around and tells their sob stories, just get over it and move on. I was clean for 15 months and we never really talked about the addiction. I told him the other day that I was having a hard time dealing with stoping the vic's, he just look at me like I was an idiot.. I hate that. I suggested counseling to him in the beginning but he wouldn't go. He said it was all my fault, and me going into recovery really hurt us. At one point we almost broke up. But thankfully he realized that he needed to stop blaming me for our problems and focus on getting on with our lives.
Have you let him know how you feel? He needs to go to an a meeting for families of addicts and try to understand the disease. Sorry can't think of the name of the meetings, I think its al-anon but cant think of the one for narcs.
I not great with advise but am a very good listener. I am here for you. Take care Ann
Have you let him know how you feel? He needs to go to an a meeting for families of addicts and try to understand the disease. Sorry can't think of the name of the meetings, I think its al-anon but cant think of the one for narcs.
I not great with advise but am a very good listener. I am here for you. Take care Ann
thanks so much for your responce and your right about the bribe and as far as the meetings go, yeah right the only reason why he ever went to the family program while I was in rehab was only because if he did would not be able to see me, so he did it, and all he did after he was done he would talk crap about what they said and made fun of the people who cryed in stuff in there, so mean!
well thanks for listening, fa
well thanks for listening, fa
Hey girl. I understand about your husband. I've been clean for a little over a month and my husband has no idea how hard it is to stay off of pills. if I say anything about it he just rolls his eyes and wants me to get over it. He doesn't give me ANY money. I'm in school, no job, 2 kids. He constantly asks me where I'm going if I leave the house. Or he wants me to take one, if not both, of the kids with me. And then he always wants to know why I'm in a "bad mood!" I tell him that I have really bad days when I really want pills and he just changes the suject. We just got in a fight last night because he was supposed to stop smoking pot when I stopped pills and I found a bag in the den under the couch! He said "Well,you can smoke all the pot you want and I won't get mad!" Can you believe that!? I hate pot and that's not thepoint anyway! He's the only one who knows about my problem, so I can't vent anywhere else---sorry. I wish I had some advice foryou, but I'm in the same boat. Hang in there. I'm with ya!
Sugarbear and fellow addict and Zannie I could just come to both your houses and tear into those husbands. Now don't anyone get me wrong here I understand they may not trust you 100 percent that will take awhile. I have the hubbies credit card mac card all the money but he gave it up........knows himself to well and is early on in this journey I would have took it all anyway. But what they are doing really sucks. No 1 they have no room to talk at all. If they are both still smoking pot and you are both clean then they should look in the mirror real hard at themselves. Ever been to a party and someone is really trashed and you were to but not as bad and you think to yourself at least I wasn't as bad as so&so. Well I think thats what your husbands are doing. They are justifying there use against your prior use like at least I am not as bad as she ever was. They can't be total idiots can they they do understand what a hard time you are having keeping yourselves clean. Then they still smoke pot........take about being a hypocrite. Ok I feel better now hope I didn't speak out of turn.
Earlier fellow addict I was going to write something but changed my mind now I going to add it on.
Throw yourself a party......get a cake, balloons and make a huge sign that says I AM CLEAN AND PROUD OF IT!
Fellow addict I don't think your hubby is doing any drugs (not sure got confused somewhere) but I think he need to get his act together and treat you like you deserve to be.
Earlier fellow addict I was going to write something but changed my mind now I going to add it on.
Throw yourself a party......get a cake, balloons and make a huge sign that says I AM CLEAN AND PROUD OF IT!
Fellow addict I don't think your hubby is doing any drugs (not sure got confused somewhere) but I think he need to get his act together and treat you like you deserve to be.
What is it with the controlling husbands? I am on day 10, my husband doesn't know, but he is a total control freak too. I have a full time job, 2 kids, and have remained pretty resonsible through this whole thing. I feel so bad for all of us, but we are STRONGER because we are kicking something that is so damned hard to get away from. Just know in your hearts that you are good and are doing a good thing by stopping. I am totally ramblling....looking for some 10 day advice I guess.....anyone ???
this is all great stuff and I appriciate all of the advise , if only he can listen & hear it as well. ahhh ... thanks for all of the advise and feed back and no my husband doesn't do drugs he is a norme.. (lucky a**).... take care fa
hi! i am a dr. phil finatic and he says we get what we demand out of our relationships.. i think you should demand to be treated with the compassion you deserve..if he don't get it...>>>??? i don;t know.. but i do know you deserve a big hug...
me to i watch Dr Phil all the time and i have demanded respect and i still do not get it. thanks for the luv:)....fa
Lady, I was in your situation for 12 years. When I finally got out the only thing I felt was RELIEF AND PROUD OF MYSELF FOR FINALLY HAVING THE GUTS TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. Men like that will never change. They blame you and keep you down so they can feel good. It will never change; he will always find something to keep you feeling bad about yourself with. It is their MO....
Look yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself why you stay. Be honest with yourself.
No one deserves to be treated like that, and I would not be sober today if I was still in that mess.
Love to you...
kerry
Look yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself why you stay. Be honest with yourself.
No one deserves to be treated like that, and I would not be sober today if I was still in that mess.
Love to you...
kerry
oh, and the windstar... manipulation. sorry to be so blunt, but I sure wish taht someone would have slapped me and made me see the truth YEARS AGO...
I know that it is hard to raise kids by yourself, but I am doing it. It is possible. And your kids don't need that kind of s***.
Maybe one of the reasons that you used is because you had to hide from yourself, and how you were letting yourself down??
I wasted my youth on an a******...I can't get that back.
I mean this from a place of love.
kerry
I know that it is hard to raise kids by yourself, but I am doing it. It is possible. And your kids don't need that kind of s***.
Maybe one of the reasons that you used is because you had to hide from yourself, and how you were letting yourself down??
I wasted my youth on an a******...I can't get that back.
I mean this from a place of love.
kerry
i struggle wayyyy to much everyday , thinking about usuing and my messed up situation, i have major anxiety attacks all the time and he teases me about them, ahhhh.. what 2-do??
where do I go, i care about him and i stay i guess its all that I know at this time??married 8 yrs. three kids and no matter what i do i am always a looser , never good enough, i must be super mom all the time or he talks s*** and your soooo right about him never changing eaither, not know not ever... thanks for the advise, take care.... jasmine
where do I go, i care about him and i stay i guess its all that I know at this time??married 8 yrs. three kids and no matter what i do i am always a looser , never good enough, i must be super mom all the time or he talks s*** and your soooo right about him never changing eaither, not know not ever... thanks for the advise, take care.... jasmine
Dear Jasmine
I'm so sorry to hear about how your husband is treating you. It will take quite a while for him to trust you with money and accounts because of the past but it is downright horrible for him to call you names like that! I understand how you feel because my husband also can be mean with me at times. He's always trying to tell me how to feel about something or someone, and yells to try to get me to see things or people his way. I never will, thank God! It's very hard to feel trapped because of no job and the kids. My advice is to let him know (in a note if it's easier) how it makes you feel when he treats you like that, talk to your counselor for help, ask your husband to attend a session with you so that he understands what you're going through, try to give it some time for healing to take place (he's definitely got some unresolved anger about what you've put him through) before you give up on him, be proud of yourself for getting off the stuff - it matters most what YOU think of yourself because only you know how you're doing and what you're going through, and most important pray, pray, pray for healing for you and your whole family. I have a special prayer that I will type for you later. I put it on my bathroom mirror and pray it while I brush my teeth. God bless!
Susan :)
I'm so sorry to hear about how your husband is treating you. It will take quite a while for him to trust you with money and accounts because of the past but it is downright horrible for him to call you names like that! I understand how you feel because my husband also can be mean with me at times. He's always trying to tell me how to feel about something or someone, and yells to try to get me to see things or people his way. I never will, thank God! It's very hard to feel trapped because of no job and the kids. My advice is to let him know (in a note if it's easier) how it makes you feel when he treats you like that, talk to your counselor for help, ask your husband to attend a session with you so that he understands what you're going through, try to give it some time for healing to take place (he's definitely got some unresolved anger about what you've put him through) before you give up on him, be proud of yourself for getting off the stuff - it matters most what YOU think of yourself because only you know how you're doing and what you're going through, and most important pray, pray, pray for healing for you and your whole family. I have a special prayer that I will type for you later. I put it on my bathroom mirror and pray it while I brush my teeth. God bless!
Susan :)
Thanks Susan that was very sweet and you are right he is still angry about what I put him thru , but he has and still is putting me thru so crappy stuff, thanks 4 the advise and i will wait to hear from u on thet preyer, jasmine...
