One of the girls I work with is studying to be a pharmacy tech. She was going over the matierial on abbreivations for prescriptions...
I was joking about learining how to write my own...
But inside, I wasn't really joking.
I have never done anything bad to obtain pills, and am so scared of the law..but that is how scary this disease is...
kerry
Ker-Bear..it does that to you...just don't do it...when I was in detox, I had a script of 60 norco's in my wallet..handed it to my consoulor (sic) and asked her to rip it up..she handed it back and told me to do it..I did..
You're so right, Kerry. Isn't it just amazing how this disease effects the thinking process? Don't feel bad, we've all done it. I shudder to think what would happen if we acted on every crazy idea that ever passed through our addicted minds. It does get better Kerry, where those thoughts don't occur so much, I know it's getting better for me. I hope one day they will hardly ever come at all. It seems like right around the thirty day mark I had a particularly bad time with it. Have you ever gotten that feeling of impending doom that comes from just nowhere? That one really got me the first time it happened. I was lucky to have friends to explain that was normal and advise me on how to handle it. The next time I was prepared when it hit. Best wishes to you. I know it always helped me to know whatever I was going through most everyone else had to at some point. Much love, Kat
Kerry:
Those thoughts have gone and sometimes still do, through my head. As long as we don't act on our thoughts then we're doing okay. My head is definitely crazy. Hope you're doing okay today
Rachel
Those thoughts have gone and sometimes still do, through my head. As long as we don't act on our thoughts then we're doing okay. My head is definitely crazy. Hope you're doing okay today
Rachel
Dear Kerry,
You certainly do not have a sick head. We all go through these kind of thoughts because addiction is so strong. I was a pharmacy tech at a hospital for fifteen years and lost my job this summer because I stole vicodin and could not stop myself. I have been clean for 3 months now (by the grace of God) and still fantasize about where I could obtain pills but do not act on it. Especially when I go past a hospital and see the big blue "H" sign. But I hope and pray to remain strong and losing the job was the best thing for me. I am thinking of you and read this message board a lot for support in my feelings. We are here for you.
By the way, I love your name "Littlebeach"!
Hiawatha
You certainly do not have a sick head. We all go through these kind of thoughts because addiction is so strong. I was a pharmacy tech at a hospital for fifteen years and lost my job this summer because I stole vicodin and could not stop myself. I have been clean for 3 months now (by the grace of God) and still fantasize about where I could obtain pills but do not act on it. Especially when I go past a hospital and see the big blue "H" sign. But I hope and pray to remain strong and losing the job was the best thing for me. I am thinking of you and read this message board a lot for support in my feelings. We are here for you.
By the way, I love your name "Littlebeach"!
Hiawatha
the day i stopped i turned down a script of 120 percs and then came home and flushed 130 of them do you know how sick i felt well it was all for the best and i keep telling myself that over and over and over you get the idea right
It will never be enough....that's what I tell myself when similar thoughts come into my head. I try to remember what it was like at the end of my run -- the daily mental grind of always wanting more, never being fully satisfied, always worrying about running out, taking too much, rationing, "maximizing" the effect, etc., etc. BA's scrips sound like a lot of percs, but I would have gone through them in a week, maybe two, and then what? Never enough.
Hey kez
Its starnge that you should write that post. Last night I went to a meeting and afterwards we went out for coffee, and we actually sat there talking about all the crazy things we did when we were using. The crazy thoughts that you end up totally obsessing over! We were even comparing our craziness and trying to sorta get one up on the other. But the truth is this - we were all crazy in active addiction, but now, we may still have crazy thoughts, but we aren't acting on them. In addiction we did act on them. Now we learn to talk to others about them. I got told in treatment that 'a secret shared, is a secret halved' and its very true. We don't have to be alone unless we choose to be. I struggle with this myself, but I do know its the truth.
keep well kez, and have a totally fab day :-)
angie
Its starnge that you should write that post. Last night I went to a meeting and afterwards we went out for coffee, and we actually sat there talking about all the crazy things we did when we were using. The crazy thoughts that you end up totally obsessing over! We were even comparing our craziness and trying to sorta get one up on the other. But the truth is this - we were all crazy in active addiction, but now, we may still have crazy thoughts, but we aren't acting on them. In addiction we did act on them. Now we learn to talk to others about them. I got told in treatment that 'a secret shared, is a secret halved' and its very true. We don't have to be alone unless we choose to be. I struggle with this myself, but I do know its the truth.
keep well kez, and have a totally fab day :-)
angie
I kinda live in that impending doom, kat..lol..I am trying to implement the power of "positive thinking" but some days it isn't working.
I get cravings when I smell a pharmacy smell. What in the hell is that smell, anyway? And they all smell the same!!
I was so sad on the way home I was going to buy beer. I haven't drank in 94 days, or had a vic..but the craving left. This is a lonely disease as well....
There is nothing to do after I get off of work but go to a bar. I wish there was a meeting, but I get off at 10 pm. I could have had a REALLY HOT guy that I had a crush on come over, but honestly, I am not ready for that. I am not comfortable in my own skin yet. It is scary though, I am not getting any younger, I better go get it now while they are still asking..lol...
Maybe I will go hang around SLA and see if I can get someone to relapse.....
I am just kidding..please don't shoot me...that was support group humor...
And NONE, that iswhy I quit. It was never enough..even 300 a month...or 600...I would still want more.
Thanks for all your replies..you guys are great..
serenity to you all...
kerry
I get cravings when I smell a pharmacy smell. What in the hell is that smell, anyway? And they all smell the same!!
I was so sad on the way home I was going to buy beer. I haven't drank in 94 days, or had a vic..but the craving left. This is a lonely disease as well....
There is nothing to do after I get off of work but go to a bar. I wish there was a meeting, but I get off at 10 pm. I could have had a REALLY HOT guy that I had a crush on come over, but honestly, I am not ready for that. I am not comfortable in my own skin yet. It is scary though, I am not getting any younger, I better go get it now while they are still asking..lol...
Maybe I will go hang around SLA and see if I can get someone to relapse.....
I am just kidding..please don't shoot me...that was support group humor...
And NONE, that iswhy I quit. It was never enough..even 300 a month...or 600...I would still want more.
Thanks for all your replies..you guys are great..
serenity to you all...
kerry
Hiwatha...I am sorry to hear that. When my friend told me she was going to do the test I saw how easy the material is. It just takes studying. But honestly, that is something that I could never put myself into. It would be like making an alchy a bartender..
I wonder how many pharmacists and pharm techs actually have problems like this? I think pills are so much harder to kick because they are "medication" give to you by "drs" so they can't be real drugs, right??? They took me out..I know that I am so powerless over them.
I even entertained the thought that day, well, maybe I will just purchase a pharmacy...I will just order extra pills for "those who might stop in.."
kerry
I wonder how many pharmacists and pharm techs actually have problems like this? I think pills are so much harder to kick because they are "medication" give to you by "drs" so they can't be real drugs, right??? They took me out..I know that I am so powerless over them.
I even entertained the thought that day, well, maybe I will just purchase a pharmacy...I will just order extra pills for "those who might stop in.."
kerry
Kerry:
W/all the rx pads I see laying around believe me I've entertained that too. Thank God, that even at the height of my addiction I never chose to go that route or phoning them in for myself. Thank God.
rach
W/all the rx pads I see laying around believe me I've entertained that too. Thank God, that even at the height of my addiction I never chose to go that route or phoning them in for myself. Thank God.
rach
Rachel, I only started to think of that when I cut myself off. I did get caught having 2 docs call them in. The phamacist asked me why I was getting a refill so soon, called the nurse at my regular dr...
My best friend told me that she would have been too ashamed to go back,,,,but in the height, I didn't care. I needed them at the time. I get so greatful when I remember back to those days..
How are you doing over there, Rachel??
I hope your night is well...I am so bored here I could scream. No kids, and still nothing to do...
kerry
My best friend told me that she would have been too ashamed to go back,,,,but in the height, I didn't care. I needed them at the time. I get so greatful when I remember back to those days..
How are you doing over there, Rachel??
I hope your night is well...I am so bored here I could scream. No kids, and still nothing to do...
kerry
Hey Kerry:
I'm still battling this head cold/bronchial infection. I'm glad it's the weekend so I can rest. Are you off on the weekends? I get bored too. I understand. There is so much I should be doing but it's not that interesting so I'm the world's best procrastinator. I missed my meeting last night because I'm sick and I think at this point probably contagious. I didn't want to hack all over eryone. I really like that meeting. It's a speaker meeting and they get really good ones in there. Plus, it's where my whole crew of friends goes so it's nice to catch up. Oh well, I know I'm doing what I need to be doing but it's boring. I'll probably watch MTV all day, Pimp my Ride is one of my favorites. I'm probably not their target demographic but I love it just the same. I'll be around, let me know what's up with you, girl.
Take care,
Rachel
I'm still battling this head cold/bronchial infection. I'm glad it's the weekend so I can rest. Are you off on the weekends? I get bored too. I understand. There is so much I should be doing but it's not that interesting so I'm the world's best procrastinator. I missed my meeting last night because I'm sick and I think at this point probably contagious. I didn't want to hack all over eryone. I really like that meeting. It's a speaker meeting and they get really good ones in there. Plus, it's where my whole crew of friends goes so it's nice to catch up. Oh well, I know I'm doing what I need to be doing but it's boring. I'll probably watch MTV all day, Pimp my Ride is one of my favorites. I'm probably not their target demographic but I love it just the same. I'll be around, let me know what's up with you, girl.
Take care,
Rachel
Little, yur in Hawaii for Gods sake....take a drive around Maui..go to littlebeach and laugh..go to Bigbeach and relax...I wish I lived there....stuck here in Illinois though..
It isn't that pretty, Danny, at 10 pm. I actually never go over to little beach, but Big Beach is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. In fact, it is my favorite beach in all of Hawaii. I kinda grew up there, and it is spiritual for me. I go there to get close to God....
The whales are back. When they are here, you can actually hear them singing under the water..it is like a discovery channel thing..lol.
Rachel, I am a big procrastinator too...that is one of my major downfalls...I hope you feel better, girl. I love MTV...I just don't ever watch tv because it is taken over by cartoon network...
I am going to take a ride from one of the people in the program, he is from san fran...so here goes my shy little isolator a** ...I used to only be able to hang out loaded..so here goes..
kerry
The whales are back. When they are here, you can actually hear them singing under the water..it is like a discovery channel thing..lol.
Rachel, I am a big procrastinator too...that is one of my major downfalls...I hope you feel better, girl. I love MTV...I just don't ever watch tv because it is taken over by cartoon network...
I am going to take a ride from one of the people in the program, he is from san fran...so here goes my shy little isolator a** ...I used to only be able to hang out loaded..so here goes..
kerry
hi danny..i hope you are well..
kerry
kerry
Ker- Ioved BigBeach as well...I stayed at the Grand Wailea twice...probably the nicest hotel I've ever been too... also stayed at the Lani once..take that nice long ride into town, with the top down and enjoy the weather..it's in the '50's here today (which is warm)...enjoy life!
And don't laugh about the whales..I mean..how awesome it that!??!
Kerry:
Is that a "date" or just a ride to a meeting, lol!
Rach
Is that a "date" or just a ride to a meeting, lol!
Rach
we are addicts, kerry. sickness of mind happens to be one of the things that is affected by this disease.
i doubt seriously if these thoughts are strange or abberant thoughts to any one of us. i know they were not for me.
the miracle here is that you are willing to admit this and not cover up the bugaboos that active addiction would like to keep us stuck in. our secrets keep us sick.
good for you for telling on your disease!
namaste'
sammy
i doubt seriously if these thoughts are strange or abberant thoughts to any one of us. i know they were not for me.
the miracle here is that you are willing to admit this and not cover up the bugaboos that active addiction would like to keep us stuck in. our secrets keep us sick.
good for you for telling on your disease!
namaste'
sammy
