Yeah, I messed up last night... I was doing really well, had been good all week, but I was so stressed last night, bf out of town, trouble at work, all kinds of stuff that just got to me, and I got drunk, drunker than I've been in a while, and even while I was drinking I felt awful, it didn't help at all. And now my head hurts and my mouth tastes nasty and I still feel so guilty... I've never usually had as much in one sitting as I had last night. I wanted to call in sick but couldn't bring myself to do it for such a terrible reason... but I'm going to get back on track, I'm trying not to be too down about it. Why give myself any more reasons to drown my sorrows? I just wanted to share, what good is messing up if you can't admit it to someone, right?
Hope everyone else had a good sober night and is having a good, hangover-free morning today...
So what are you going to do so it doesn't happen again?
Hello Ciaobella, i hope you're doing ok. I'm glad you posted. Don't let a slip send you into a downward spiral, you can get right back on track. But at the same time, don't forget how you're feeling right now. Even write your thoughts and feelings down if you have to, so you can look at them later, because you can use these feelings of guilt and shame to your advantage the next time you think about picking up. That's what i did and it seems to help. It is a visual reminder to me that i never want to feel that way again.
I also know the feeling of drinking and not even enjoying it. I did it for years and it did nothing but cause problems for me and everyone around me. (Don't get me wrong, i mean no offense by this i'm just using myself for an example of how bad it could get) but i do hope you can get control of this before it does start to affect your work and "life" in general.
I'll be here to listen and help if i can.
Have a good weekend, and keep checking in ; )
I also know the feeling of drinking and not even enjoying it. I did it for years and it did nothing but cause problems for me and everyone around me. (Don't get me wrong, i mean no offense by this i'm just using myself for an example of how bad it could get) but i do hope you can get control of this before it does start to affect your work and "life" in general.
I'll be here to listen and help if i can.
Have a good weekend, and keep checking in ; )
Thanks Jayde, I appreciate the support & advice... I'm feeling a little better now, I know I can get myself back on track, and I don't want to have that feeling again - looking at the bottle of wine, feeling disgusted but drinking it anyway even though it wasn't helping anything. I think this was the first time that happened, where I was really loathing myself for drinking but kept drinking anyway... used to be I never really thought about it at all. But I'm trying to focus on the positive things in my life right now to keep myself on the straight and narrow.
12stepper, I'm not really sure how to keep it from happening again. This weekend I have a zillion things to do working toward some positive happenings in my life, and for now I'm counting on that to get me through at least the next few days. But I can't think too far ahead. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I'm starting over today, but I'm determined that today at least, I will not drink.
12stepper, I'm not really sure how to keep it from happening again. This weekend I have a zillion things to do working toward some positive happenings in my life, and for now I'm counting on that to get me through at least the next few days. But I can't think too far ahead. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I'm starting over today, but I'm determined that today at least, I will not drink.
Hi hun, I know how you are feeling, I messed up when I found out how sick my Dad is, and I felt guilty about it too, but like Jayde said don't beat yourself up, that's what us drinkers do, we drink and it takes alot of self control, and self love to pull ourselves out, and sometimes going to AA or some other type of councelling helps to. I haven't gone to AA but I know it has helped thousands of people, maybe it could help you to. I am here to listen and support you, one day at a time, today is really all we have, be proud you are sober today! :) Wishing you a great weekend and hang in there, things will change for you!
Big Hugs
lovedove :)
Big Hugs
lovedove :)
Stay in today just like you mentioned in yourpost...yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here...good luck to you. My Sponsor used to tell me just believe, and if you can't believe, believe that I know you can do it! Oh by the way, I don't think you messed up...you did what we do you drank...I can't label you an alcoholic and only you can decide that for yourself. But if you drank like I drank it just simply stopped working and the disease of alcoholism progressed rapidly at the end.
Hows things from NZ to
Ciabella, Love-Dove and Jayde
First of all thank you all for posting as your sharing helps others.
I knew at 19 i had a problem and only stopped at 32 at which time i found out about AA and in my 42nd year i find this wonderful site.
Use everything positive that is available to you that can help.
Hooroo Zac
Ciabella, Love-Dove and Jayde
First of all thank you all for posting as your sharing helps others.
I knew at 19 i had a problem and only stopped at 32 at which time i found out about AA and in my 42nd year i find this wonderful site.
Use everything positive that is available to you that can help.
Hooroo Zac
Hi there Zac and good day to you!!
I found this board a few months ago, and just absolutely love the people on here, they are so supportive. It has really helped me not only in my own struggles, but with dealing with other issues with my b/f . I feel so good coming here, and it feels so good to beable to help others, that's really what it is all about, I went thru hell but now I can offer my experience and wisdom to others in hopes they won't do the same! I did fall recently but I am back on track, the encouragement here is priceless!!!
God Bless You Zac!!
Big Hugs
lovedove
And Good on Ya with your sobriety, you are truly and inspiration!!!
I found this board a few months ago, and just absolutely love the people on here, they are so supportive. It has really helped me not only in my own struggles, but with dealing with other issues with my b/f . I feel so good coming here, and it feels so good to beable to help others, that's really what it is all about, I went thru hell but now I can offer my experience and wisdom to others in hopes they won't do the same! I did fall recently but I am back on track, the encouragement here is priceless!!!
God Bless You Zac!!
Big Hugs
lovedove
And Good on Ya with your sobriety, you are truly and inspiration!!!
Hello Zak, nice to meet you! Congrats on finding sobriety! Looking forward to getting to know you :)
Ciaobella, i hope you are alright. I'm thinking of you and will be here to listen if you need someone. Please let us know what's going on with you, so we know you're ok. OK?
Happy Mother's Day to everyone!
Ciaobella, i hope you are alright. I'm thinking of you and will be here to listen if you need someone. Please let us know what's going on with you, so we know you're ok. OK?
Happy Mother's Day to everyone!
Hi everyone, I'm back, thanks for your support... been having some problems with my computer at home so wasn't able to post over the weekend. But it was a good weekend, I got a lot done and didn't drink. Jayde, thanks for thinking of me, I'm here too if you need to talk or vent or whatever...lovedove and Zac too... VWGirl, I've been trying to convince myself for a while now that I'm not an alcoholic, that it's not a real problem, but I'm feeling more and more like I am and it is, because I don't remember not drinking ever being as hard as it has become. I'm still trying to deal with that realization... but I'm glad I found this board, it helps to have others to share their experiences and offer support and advice. No one in my life knows this is an issue for me (although there are one or two who I think suspect something), so I don't really have anyone to talk & vent to... so I'm glad I'm here, and that all of you are too!
Happy Monday, and Happy belated Mother's Day to any moms out there!
Happy Monday, and Happy belated Mother's Day to any moms out there!
Ciaobella, I'd wonder where the heck you went. Fantastic, great job on staying sober! For me, on numerous occasions I tried to stop at one or limit my drinking...I just couldn't...there are varying degrees of alcoholism, I believe, and you don't have to hit the lowest bottom out there to seek recovery...there's absolutely a solution and there is hope! You're doing it!
Hi Ciaobella - sorry I haven't been around lately (was on holiday - hurray for me). and sorry you had such a bad drunk - but maybe it will have some good results in the long run in that it will force you to re-evaluate yourself and your drinking.
I too took a LONG time to accept the fact that I'm an alcoholic. And I've only recently started to use that word in relation to myself (even in my thoughts), I always called it a drinking problem, or something other than the A word.
And even a year or more ago when I was forced to admit I was in trouble I had a LOT of resentment to work through that I couldn't drink like "normal" people. I think that is why I've never been able to quit. Always in the back of my mind I figured I could get it "under control" and then go back to drinking again.
Its taken me a long time to accept that will never work for me. I can either get sober or I can live my life revolving around a bottle. No other choices for me.
So don't beat yourself up - it takes time to get your head around these things and come to that place of acceptance about yourself. In the meantime, keep posting, keep honest with yourself and keep educating yourself.
cheers
Idgie.
I too took a LONG time to accept the fact that I'm an alcoholic. And I've only recently started to use that word in relation to myself (even in my thoughts), I always called it a drinking problem, or something other than the A word.
And even a year or more ago when I was forced to admit I was in trouble I had a LOT of resentment to work through that I couldn't drink like "normal" people. I think that is why I've never been able to quit. Always in the back of my mind I figured I could get it "under control" and then go back to drinking again.
Its taken me a long time to accept that will never work for me. I can either get sober or I can live my life revolving around a bottle. No other choices for me.
So don't beat yourself up - it takes time to get your head around these things and come to that place of acceptance about yourself. In the meantime, keep posting, keep honest with yourself and keep educating yourself.
cheers
Idgie.
Idgie, great post. I use to pull out my Big Book and read the part of the "heavy drinker" ~ yeah, that's what I thought I was a heavy drinker...hmm, not so much, I am an out and out alcoholic...I refused to identify with the description of the alcoholic for quite some time because I was in denial...I knew deep down I was but couldn't surrender.
HI Idgie & thanks, it's good to see you around again, I was a little concerned... I have to admit, I'm still having a hard time actually thinking of myself as an alcoholic, I've been denying my behaviors for a long time and right now the phrase "drinking problem" is pretty as much far as I'll really let myself take it... but the fact that there IS a problem is undeniable - I noticed it that Saturday when I went out w/my friends and everyone stopped after 3 beers and I was so tempted to just get another pitcher.. it was only my desire to keep up appearances that kept me from doing it. So I guess I'm on my way, it's been 5 days now since that slip and no drinking yet... hopefully I can keep it up!
How is it going for you, Idgie??
How is it going for you, Idgie??
Ciaobella
Think of this bit of logical questioning. If alcohol isn't such a big thing for you, perhaps not a problem, then what problem would there be if you gave it up completely? Truly, what are you missing? Do you think you would be missing something? Would your life be not as complete? If you say yes at all to the last two questions there, that should be a biiiig warning flag.
Now I am a recovering opiate addict and obviously I don't take pills anymore, but, I also don't drink anymore either. It is for my health. If not drinking improves my health then that is what I have to do..not drink.
Just ask yourself another question. A yes or no question. Is your life better drinking like you are now or not?
Think of this bit of logical questioning. If alcohol isn't such a big thing for you, perhaps not a problem, then what problem would there be if you gave it up completely? Truly, what are you missing? Do you think you would be missing something? Would your life be not as complete? If you say yes at all to the last two questions there, that should be a biiiig warning flag.
Now I am a recovering opiate addict and obviously I don't take pills anymore, but, I also don't drink anymore either. It is for my health. If not drinking improves my health then that is what I have to do..not drink.
Just ask yourself another question. A yes or no question. Is your life better drinking like you are now or not?
ElimGarak -
Maybe you misread what I was trying to say... I know and admit that I do have a problem, what I meant was just that I spent a good amount of time trying to convince myself that I didn't... it's only recently that I've been able to admit it at all. Even my first post on this board, I was asking if I had a problem even though I knew in my heart that I did. But the word "alcoholic" is a tough one to own up to when you're talking about yourself. That's all I meant. I may very well be, in fact I would call it probable, because it IS hard for me to not drink, harder than I've wanted to admit to myself. And I don't want things to progress further; that's why I'm trying to get a handle on this now, before every area of my life is affected by it. It's why I post here and confide in the people on this board, even the short time I've been posting here has helped me quite a bit. (And everyone whose words of support and kindness have helped, you know who you are and I thank you so much!!)
In short, I do have a problem, and I know that. The acceptance is coming a little more every day. That's why I'm so glad I found this place, and the support of those here who have been where I am. And I want my future to be better than the past has been.
Best to you on this day, five days since my last drink...
Maybe you misread what I was trying to say... I know and admit that I do have a problem, what I meant was just that I spent a good amount of time trying to convince myself that I didn't... it's only recently that I've been able to admit it at all. Even my first post on this board, I was asking if I had a problem even though I knew in my heart that I did. But the word "alcoholic" is a tough one to own up to when you're talking about yourself. That's all I meant. I may very well be, in fact I would call it probable, because it IS hard for me to not drink, harder than I've wanted to admit to myself. And I don't want things to progress further; that's why I'm trying to get a handle on this now, before every area of my life is affected by it. It's why I post here and confide in the people on this board, even the short time I've been posting here has helped me quite a bit. (And everyone whose words of support and kindness have helped, you know who you are and I thank you so much!!)
In short, I do have a problem, and I know that. The acceptance is coming a little more every day. That's why I'm so glad I found this place, and the support of those here who have been where I am. And I want my future to be better than the past has been.
Best to you on this day, five days since my last drink...
Congrads to you on your 5th day of being sober... Feels good doesn't it??!!! I'm proud that you are recognizing that you have a problem before things get worse, that's what happened to me.My life was totally out of control and the drinking just made everything worse, even though at that time I thought it was actually helping me. Everyone around me knew I had a problem, so I just used to hide from them, alienate myself, or hang around people who "accepted" my drinking problem. My relationship with my b/f was horrible, he has used crack cocaine,cocaine and we just got back together a little while ago, but that's another story... My drinking I thought was a way I could control my feelings about this relationship, sick people seem to like to be with other sick people so our problems only got worse. I have changed my group of friends, they are alcoholics and I'm glad circumstances led to our departure, my best friend turned out to be my worst enemy (besides myself!!) I now have a select few people in my life healthier, happier people. It's a whole new world without booze, and I'm glad to be in it!! :) and I wish you all the strength on your new journey!!
Big big hugs
lovedove
Big big hugs
lovedove
Hi Ciaobella - 5 days *big hugs* you are the BEST.
Hey, look on the positive side of things with your friends. At least you have the kind of friends who stop after 3 beers - it'd be worse if your friends were big time heavy drinkers. If "keeping up appearances" helps keep you sober one day - don't knock it.
I'm kind of a "loner" drinker myself but experience the same thing when I'm drinking round others - if I went to a party I'd have a bunch of drinks at home first so I could drink "normall" at the party to not look like a drunken loser, but that way not "miss out" on any drinking. Pathetic.
drop me an email if you ever want to chat CB its idgie2529@yahoo.com
LoveDove - I know what you mean about being your own worst enemy. Isn't that the truth. I read a post a few weeks ago from someone who said they wished they could take out a restraining order against themself. It made me laugh - but also I thought yes, how true. Sometimes I feel that way too.
Idgie
Hey, look on the positive side of things with your friends. At least you have the kind of friends who stop after 3 beers - it'd be worse if your friends were big time heavy drinkers. If "keeping up appearances" helps keep you sober one day - don't knock it.
I'm kind of a "loner" drinker myself but experience the same thing when I'm drinking round others - if I went to a party I'd have a bunch of drinks at home first so I could drink "normall" at the party to not look like a drunken loser, but that way not "miss out" on any drinking. Pathetic.
drop me an email if you ever want to chat CB its idgie2529@yahoo.com
LoveDove - I know what you mean about being your own worst enemy. Isn't that the truth. I read a post a few weeks ago from someone who said they wished they could take out a restraining order against themself. It made me laugh - but also I thought yes, how true. Sometimes I feel that way too.
Idgie
Congrats Ciaobella,
5 days is awsome,
Keep up the good work!!!
5 days is awsome,
Keep up the good work!!!
Hows things Ciaobella
Congrats on 5 days and your endless willingness to succeed one day at a time. It is that desire that will get you through each day. Keep +ve and posting you are going great.
Light and love
Zac
Congrats on 5 days and your endless willingness to succeed one day at a time. It is that desire that will get you through each day. Keep +ve and posting you are going great.
Light and love
Zac
