After I post this Im signing off,I know Id get get plenty of support here but ya know what?????Im so close to saying screw it.I feel a relapse comming & I dont even care.The truth be know only 2 things are keeping me in this hell hole,Anne & molly jean.
Im sick of it all./
How can ANYONE say they love you when the YOU comes around they do nothing but knock you down?
What a bunch of crap.Why try when it only gets harder???
I'm taking a wild guess here, Molly. Trouble with your mate?
I'm probably the last one who should speak to you about this considering that I'm no longer with my husbutt.
If it's really worth saving, work on it. If it's not, walk away.It's the only advice that I can give. If I had it to do over, I would have ended things sooner and spared myself some misery.
People have bad days but no one has the right to make us unhappy all the time.
xxxxxooo
I'm probably the last one who should speak to you about this considering that I'm no longer with my husbutt.
If it's really worth saving, work on it. If it's not, walk away.It's the only advice that I can give. If I had it to do over, I would have ended things sooner and spared myself some misery.
People have bad days but no one has the right to make us unhappy all the time.
xxxxxooo
cant afford it.does it even matter...not to me
Molly, I learned along time ago I can't center my recovery around what other people say or do to me. If that was the case I would have relapsed a million times over in the past year. What ever happened to make you think a relapse is coming on please just let it go for the time being and when you are feeling stronger then deal with the issue. When I start feeling like you are now I walk away from the situation until I feel like I am strong enough to handle it. Hang in there and really think twice before picking up again. It's not worth it. Shantel
Can't afford to walk away, you mean?
That kept me stuck too.
I'm looking for other options and you can too. I have no choice.
Peace and freedom, I've found, are worth the struggle. Some how, some way, I will find a way to rise above this. You can too.
xxxxooo
That kept me stuck too.
I'm looking for other options and you can too. I have no choice.
Peace and freedom, I've found, are worth the struggle. Some how, some way, I will find a way to rise above this. You can too.
xxxxooo
Sabrina
NO. You care enough about yourself to not relapse. I don't care what he does or you think he does to you. You will not use. We don't do that. We don't give anyone that much power over us. Knock it off.
NO. You care enough about yourself to not relapse. I don't care what he does or you think he does to you. You will not use. We don't do that. We don't give anyone that much power over us. Knock it off.
| QUOTE |
| I learned along time ago I can't center my recovery around what other people say or do to me. If that was the case I would have relapsed a million times over in the past year. |
Shantel,i so agree!
Sabrina,I hope you come back on to talk with us.Nobody and i mean NOBODY is worth your sobriety.I cant tell you how many times ive been feeling like you are now(im assuming BF problems too)Feeling stuck,like you have nowhere to go.Hating being in that situation.I know,it is the absolute pits.But picking up is not the answer,and you know that in your heart(not to mention,being on sub,you wouldnt get much out of it)
Dont let him do this to you,make you feel so badly that you want to go back to using,which is the last thing you want to do.Try and get away from the situation.
Come back here and talk.Im here for awhile(the babys sleeping)i would love to talk,listen.I care about you MJ,and i hate to see you feeling low like this.You must take care of you and forget the other for now.We care,stay strong.~KIM
Very true Molly, what Shantel said. If we let how other people can make us feel control our own actions, then we lose everything. You have to know inside yourself that you're worth a good life. One free of drugs and the obsession that goes with it. Don't do anything you'll regret Molly. Take some deep breaths. Try to calm yourself. Sleep on it. Then decide tomorrow.
All the best, Beck
All the best, Beck
Kim, I guess what I was saying to Molly was life throws it curve balls to us. When I was using every little problem was an excuse to use. I think half the time I made s*** up just to take more pills. Now, if problems arise and I entertain the thought to use I remove myself from the situation until I am able to think with a clear mind and deal with the situation. I am not giving anything or anyone the power over me to make me want to use. Shantel
One more thing I wanted to add. I don't have a good relationship with my older sister and she knows of my addiction. She tries everything she knows of to break me down on a daily basis. The more she tries to break me I become a stronger person. For that I gotta love her. She is only helping me and hurting herself. Shantel
You got mail....
I am worried about you, and I think with good reason.
You are worth a good life, worth being treated with respect, worth everything and anything you could possibily dream of.
This is your life, you solve nothing by giving in and hiding. It isn't going to go away, isn't going to change or get better until you allow it, work at what you want and fix what is broken......
I am sure you are scared, confused and maybe even a bit lost but you have kids that need you. No matter what you want for you make them first right now. Make Anne who lights your heart up rule in your head. Keep that focus off the nightmares and in what is now. It always get better, always in time and with chances taken. The old way never really got you anywhere, but this new way you found keeps showing you over and over that there are things out there for you, experiences and situations that so make you more whole. And then that huge pot hole.....it is life, this happens, all kinds of f*cked up sh*t likes to come in and test everyone, sometimes over and over sometimes way to much....but it can be gotten though. You can walk past all this. Just believe in yourself and know you are worth this life, and all the good it has to offer.
Be good to you, and keep it together.
Love you and sending big hugs,
Tina
I am worried about you, and I think with good reason.
You are worth a good life, worth being treated with respect, worth everything and anything you could possibily dream of.
This is your life, you solve nothing by giving in and hiding. It isn't going to go away, isn't going to change or get better until you allow it, work at what you want and fix what is broken......
I am sure you are scared, confused and maybe even a bit lost but you have kids that need you. No matter what you want for you make them first right now. Make Anne who lights your heart up rule in your head. Keep that focus off the nightmares and in what is now. It always get better, always in time and with chances taken. The old way never really got you anywhere, but this new way you found keeps showing you over and over that there are things out there for you, experiences and situations that so make you more whole. And then that huge pot hole.....it is life, this happens, all kinds of f*cked up sh*t likes to come in and test everyone, sometimes over and over sometimes way to much....but it can be gotten though. You can walk past all this. Just believe in yourself and know you are worth this life, and all the good it has to offer.
Be good to you, and keep it together.
Love you and sending big hugs,
Tina
MJ - Just what is so bad that you would toss your life away and Anne's life away?
Relapsing would do just that you know. What kind of an example are you, her mother, setting for her? When things get tough you just cave in? This is exactly how she will live her life as well if you dont show her another way by example. Do you have such little value of yourself? I hope not. I hope this is just a moment of sympathy for yourself, which we are all entitled to, but then pull up the bootstraps! I wish you would do some cognitive thinking for yourself tonight. What find of future do you want for yourself and Anne. What would get you there? Relapsing? Well thats a big fat no. Stepping up your counseling? Thats a yes. Finding a part time job that would increase your self esteem and your bank account? Thats another yes.
At a calmer moment, you and Mikey need to discuss at least taking a break. Stick to it. Give yourself 3 months to work on YOU and JUST YOU. Notice I said WORK. Things do not just fall into our laps. But there is no greater feeling than putting our own sweat and tears into something and making our lives happier because of it.
Please use a clear head and let us know that you know what we know - YOU are a beautiful human being, with faults like every other human being, but worthy of a loving and happy life.
Relapsing would do just that you know. What kind of an example are you, her mother, setting for her? When things get tough you just cave in? This is exactly how she will live her life as well if you dont show her another way by example. Do you have such little value of yourself? I hope not. I hope this is just a moment of sympathy for yourself, which we are all entitled to, but then pull up the bootstraps! I wish you would do some cognitive thinking for yourself tonight. What find of future do you want for yourself and Anne. What would get you there? Relapsing? Well thats a big fat no. Stepping up your counseling? Thats a yes. Finding a part time job that would increase your self esteem and your bank account? Thats another yes.
At a calmer moment, you and Mikey need to discuss at least taking a break. Stick to it. Give yourself 3 months to work on YOU and JUST YOU. Notice I said WORK. Things do not just fall into our laps. But there is no greater feeling than putting our own sweat and tears into something and making our lives happier because of it.
Please use a clear head and let us know that you know what we know - YOU are a beautiful human being, with faults like every other human being, but worthy of a loving and happy life.
You have mail-- I am with my daughter --sister neices BIL--feel free to read your e-mail.
Jeff
Jeff
Molly,
You've been knocked down, and worse, before, and you made it through that. I know you've got the internal fortitude to get through whatever is happening to you now. Nothing and no one is worth relapsing over.
If you are unloved in your own home, then you need to find a different place to live. Lots of people here care about you. Please don't do anything you will regret. You've come such a long way. Don't throw it away now.
Love,
Gina
You've been knocked down, and worse, before, and you made it through that. I know you've got the internal fortitude to get through whatever is happening to you now. Nothing and no one is worth relapsing over.
If you are unloved in your own home, then you need to find a different place to live. Lots of people here care about you. Please don't do anything you will regret. You've come such a long way. Don't throw it away now.
Love,
Gina
Question for anybody who has left a bad marriage?
What finally made you leave?
What were your greatest fears?
I could be incorrect but I think from my time on this board not many of us were in good relationships.
Maybe someone could start a thread regarding this subject?
Just a thought.
I know in my heart that nothing I do or see --experience ETC and I mean ANTHYING
will be as hard as the day I picked my stuff up after taking my kids to the buses.
And leaving my EX who took very good care of me. The last thing I said to her as I left was you will meet a man who will make you HAPPY and you will be rid of my health and stress that i caused.
I bet $$ that she would re-married within a year --I won she is very happy and my kids are SAFE.
I have such mixed emotions but when I get angry as my EX is just well she is who she is--and I still Love her in many ways. But she was killing me.
Like Coke almost killed me? She almost did. I hit my bottom and after 2yrs of staying in the marriage as her dad got brain cancer died could not leave and then my daughter turned 13 could not leave so we planned after the party I left.
My divorce cost me $46 -40 dollars for a court appointed class as we had kids and 6 bucks to park my car the day of the divorce.
Family member drew up an agreement she gave me a check the judge asked if we agree and 14 yrs --BYE BYE
My greatest fear? How the PUCK and I going to take care of JEFF??
Shoot it was scary for a minute. I realized I always took care of everybody BUT ME.
So I moved on. I have been broke ever since--as I gave up and give monthly but have learned how to make a $ go a bit farther. sacrificed many things so i can live a decent life and pay my bills.
Its a cycle. Life is full of cycles. How I accept each cycle and My actions is what I have improved so much upon.
It took many years for me to mature a bit anyway. I am still a PUNK and will live each day trying to improve my character defects.
Man i am so freaking Juiced up its the seroquel along with 300+ mg of prednisone in past 4 days.
Man I ate more food in the past 3 hrs then the past month.
RELAPSE--
Forgive any spelling--To lazy to fix them all
Its nice to Vent
BURP
Jeff
P.S My biggest fear and its life is my choice to take poison to enable me to work.
Is it correct? YES but I project sometimes and like tonight my BIL as we ate 6 deserts all six--he said your working love your job look great --he said a lot of things to me tonight. But what was special was watching my daughter with my nieces.
I miss my life in N.Y- career family and friends. But it is what it is. You accept life and make the best of your day or your a fool--IMO--This is what i attempt to do daily.
POSITIVE even when I am all messed up like this past 2 weeks.
I do not have any desire to escape. I have surrendered. Whats a run going to do for me?
Not in my cards for today.
Good night
What finally made you leave?
What were your greatest fears?
I could be incorrect but I think from my time on this board not many of us were in good relationships.
Maybe someone could start a thread regarding this subject?
Just a thought.
I know in my heart that nothing I do or see --experience ETC and I mean ANTHYING
will be as hard as the day I picked my stuff up after taking my kids to the buses.
And leaving my EX who took very good care of me. The last thing I said to her as I left was you will meet a man who will make you HAPPY and you will be rid of my health and stress that i caused.
I bet $$ that she would re-married within a year --I won she is very happy and my kids are SAFE.
I have such mixed emotions but when I get angry as my EX is just well she is who she is--and I still Love her in many ways. But she was killing me.
Like Coke almost killed me? She almost did. I hit my bottom and after 2yrs of staying in the marriage as her dad got brain cancer died could not leave and then my daughter turned 13 could not leave so we planned after the party I left.
My divorce cost me $46 -40 dollars for a court appointed class as we had kids and 6 bucks to park my car the day of the divorce.
Family member drew up an agreement she gave me a check the judge asked if we agree and 14 yrs --BYE BYE
My greatest fear? How the PUCK and I going to take care of JEFF??
Shoot it was scary for a minute. I realized I always took care of everybody BUT ME.
So I moved on. I have been broke ever since--as I gave up and give monthly but have learned how to make a $ go a bit farther. sacrificed many things so i can live a decent life and pay my bills.
Its a cycle. Life is full of cycles. How I accept each cycle and My actions is what I have improved so much upon.
It took many years for me to mature a bit anyway. I am still a PUNK and will live each day trying to improve my character defects.
Man i am so freaking Juiced up its the seroquel along with 300+ mg of prednisone in past 4 days.
Man I ate more food in the past 3 hrs then the past month.
RELAPSE--
Forgive any spelling--To lazy to fix them all
Its nice to Vent
BURP
Jeff
P.S My biggest fear and its life is my choice to take poison to enable me to work.
Is it correct? YES but I project sometimes and like tonight my BIL as we ate 6 deserts all six--he said your working love your job look great --he said a lot of things to me tonight. But what was special was watching my daughter with my nieces.
I miss my life in N.Y- career family and friends. But it is what it is. You accept life and make the best of your day or your a fool--IMO--This is what i attempt to do daily.
POSITIVE even when I am all messed up like this past 2 weeks.
I do not have any desire to escape. I have surrendered. Whats a run going to do for me?
Not in my cards for today.
Good night
Remember wanting to rip your skin off? Remember shaking your arms to get the worm-feeling out of them? Remember thinking about the fact that your read on this board that "you never have to do this again"? You don't. So don't . We don't have a drug problem, we have a "life' problem...So we have to deal with life...even the a**holes.
I know you'll be good to yourself. I know it. I'm praying for you.
xoxo
I know you'll be good to yourself. I know it. I'm praying for you.
xoxo
Molly, I like what Kat and Sharon (and everyonesaid) but we just don't use. Period. It isn't going to make anything better; it will just make you hate yourself more.
Leaving isn't easy; but it is possible. You know that because you have done it before.
You know deep down whether this is worth staying for.
One thing I don't think you know is that you can survive w/o him if it isn't.
You can. I know you can.
Please don't use. There are no drugs in the world that will fix the mate problems. It just isn't worth it.
Leaving isn't easy; but it is possible. You know that because you have done it before.
You know deep down whether this is worth staying for.
One thing I don't think you know is that you can survive w/o him if it isn't.
You can. I know you can.
Please don't use. There are no drugs in the world that will fix the mate problems. It just isn't worth it.
mj
PLEASE! do not go back out there
i need you in my life as well as everyone else on this forum who help me daily to stay strong.
i am in a sick situation here at my house concerning my husband so i am no one to give you advice...just encouragement....
who loves molly?
God
all of us here on the forum
anne and amanda
her cats
more people i am sure in your life i do not know to mention their names.
this is an attack from satan, the devil comes to destroy us,
Give it to the Lord molly, tell Him you cant take it, better yet I will tell Him for you right now as i have prayed before on the forum for others. so this ones for you miss molly dolly!
Dear Heavenly Father,
You had a plan for man and woman in the beginning of creation, that we live in a sinless wonderful world, heaven on earth was your plan but Lord we, adam and eve messed it up, we didnt believe in you, satan came then to destroy and he got his way, for that Lord we understand our fate here on earth that we will have to suffer the wages of sin because of mans infidelity, BUT you sent Jesus as hope a new chance for eternal happiness which will not occur until we suffer here on earth, like any father who punishes his children out of love and then makes it better for the furture, we have YOU a Heavenly Father to turn to for all our problems and woes,Lord please accept all of Mollys problems.... we lay them before you right now, for she cannot handle them by herself, give her reassurance, hope and belief that you will work these problems out for her if she has faith, please give her that faith Lord, in your sons name we pray, amen.
God has it now molly, release the pain... and give thanks to the Lord above, look at your gratitude today molly, focus on the blessings...anne and amanda...God put you around those kitties to comfort you but now the plan has changed...this is His will for you, you may not see His will yet or understand it but in time you will look back on this mess and say yes,God did have a plan and on a good day you will see it.
i am gonna start that thread that jeff suggested it will help me too, to see how others got through it. so be looking for the thread. jewels love you
PLEASE! do not go back out there
i need you in my life as well as everyone else on this forum who help me daily to stay strong.
i am in a sick situation here at my house concerning my husband so i am no one to give you advice...just encouragement....
who loves molly?
God
all of us here on the forum
anne and amanda
her cats
more people i am sure in your life i do not know to mention their names.
this is an attack from satan, the devil comes to destroy us,
Give it to the Lord molly, tell Him you cant take it, better yet I will tell Him for you right now as i have prayed before on the forum for others. so this ones for you miss molly dolly!
Dear Heavenly Father,
You had a plan for man and woman in the beginning of creation, that we live in a sinless wonderful world, heaven on earth was your plan but Lord we, adam and eve messed it up, we didnt believe in you, satan came then to destroy and he got his way, for that Lord we understand our fate here on earth that we will have to suffer the wages of sin because of mans infidelity, BUT you sent Jesus as hope a new chance for eternal happiness which will not occur until we suffer here on earth, like any father who punishes his children out of love and then makes it better for the furture, we have YOU a Heavenly Father to turn to for all our problems and woes,Lord please accept all of Mollys problems.... we lay them before you right now, for she cannot handle them by herself, give her reassurance, hope and belief that you will work these problems out for her if she has faith, please give her that faith Lord, in your sons name we pray, amen.
God has it now molly, release the pain... and give thanks to the Lord above, look at your gratitude today molly, focus on the blessings...anne and amanda...God put you around those kitties to comfort you but now the plan has changed...this is His will for you, you may not see His will yet or understand it but in time you will look back on this mess and say yes,God did have a plan and on a good day you will see it.
i am gonna start that thread that jeff suggested it will help me too, to see how others got through it. so be looking for the thread. jewels love you
p.s.
molly i want to let you know the picture you sent of you lying on your side, remember that picture you sent?? i replied back how beautiful you look? anyway it is on my refridegerator right now along side of thumper and sweet pea, i printed out tims picture from the other thread and tried to print gina's kee kee's and shantels but my printer wont let me this morning. since that thread is a long one the printer stops at page 8 and those pictures i mentioned are on pages 8 and after. ooh! makes me so mad! so i tried to print page 9 and so forth individually, I HATE PRINTERS.. For some reason they freeze up on me and then i have to get my sons to help me with the problem.
anyway those pictures give me strength, everytime i am in the kitchen, i see the pictures and it makes me think of my friends who are struggling or have struggled just like me.
last night my husband comes home, every night its like this, when he's drunk i have to hear all his venom spewed at me, only me, i am a b*tch, nothings worse than a born again christian..blah, blah, blah, the tv had a program he was watching about prostitution in the days of the war, oh dont let julie hear this program, they may talk about porn and shes miss perfect... we cant talk porn around here blah blan blah, ( we had a fight last week about his porn) anyway, i always let those remarks bother me and i decided last night to let that sh*t go and not internalize it anymore, i finally saw a glimmer of hope in me last week, i dont know if its part of me finally healing after much counseling, prayer, rehab , friends etc, but i started liking myself last week, its strange to feel this way, but people have been complimenting me left and right how nice i look and what a good person i am, and for once i felt it! my self esteem was on 10 these last few days and i went to work feeling more confident and stronger! i hope it lasts and continues to grow, who knows i may post here a week from now and cry my eyes out to you but for TODAY...
i also focused on gratitude, man how that word has been pounded in my head and i ignored it but really julie think about it, everyday i wake up to a day where my sons and my precious animals are in the world today for me to have and enjoy! those are the most important things here on earth to me and God gives them to me every day! what a blessing! gotta get to work .... jewels
molly i want to let you know the picture you sent of you lying on your side, remember that picture you sent?? i replied back how beautiful you look? anyway it is on my refridegerator right now along side of thumper and sweet pea, i printed out tims picture from the other thread and tried to print gina's kee kee's and shantels but my printer wont let me this morning. since that thread is a long one the printer stops at page 8 and those pictures i mentioned are on pages 8 and after. ooh! makes me so mad! so i tried to print page 9 and so forth individually, I HATE PRINTERS.. For some reason they freeze up on me and then i have to get my sons to help me with the problem.
anyway those pictures give me strength, everytime i am in the kitchen, i see the pictures and it makes me think of my friends who are struggling or have struggled just like me.
last night my husband comes home, every night its like this, when he's drunk i have to hear all his venom spewed at me, only me, i am a b*tch, nothings worse than a born again christian..blah, blah, blah, the tv had a program he was watching about prostitution in the days of the war, oh dont let julie hear this program, they may talk about porn and shes miss perfect... we cant talk porn around here blah blan blah, ( we had a fight last week about his porn) anyway, i always let those remarks bother me and i decided last night to let that sh*t go and not internalize it anymore, i finally saw a glimmer of hope in me last week, i dont know if its part of me finally healing after much counseling, prayer, rehab , friends etc, but i started liking myself last week, its strange to feel this way, but people have been complimenting me left and right how nice i look and what a good person i am, and for once i felt it! my self esteem was on 10 these last few days and i went to work feeling more confident and stronger! i hope it lasts and continues to grow, who knows i may post here a week from now and cry my eyes out to you but for TODAY...
i also focused on gratitude, man how that word has been pounded in my head and i ignored it but really julie think about it, everyday i wake up to a day where my sons and my precious animals are in the world today for me to have and enjoy! those are the most important things here on earth to me and God gives them to me every day! what a blessing! gotta get to work .... jewels
Sweety...it's all been said so I won't be repetitive...I have been where you are...you MUST emotionally disconnect for your own good. You have your own life now with your job and I know it is financially hard...but did you look into what we talked about before (housing)? I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You have a choice here. If you relapse you will just have to pick up the pieces again.....Please listen to all the advice given...I love you Sabrina....your friend...S
