I am wondering how you are..you are on my mind as well as many others here...I hope you have gotten some strngth and clarity...please check in...let us know if we can help you in any way...Love, Sharonn
Thanks Sharonn.
I'm still working on that strength and clarity.
How about you?
How are you doing?
I'm still working on that strength and clarity.
How about you?
How are you doing?
Hey Jodi,
You've been much on my mind, too. I hope you are taking care of yourself.
Love,
Gina
You've been much on my mind, too. I hope you are taking care of yourself.
Love,
Gina
Thanks, Gina. I'm doing the best that I can right now.
Sorry to read about your morning. I totally understand how undignified it feels to puke on the side of the road. Been there too many times.
I hope you are having a better day now.
Sorry to read about your morning. I totally understand how undignified it feels to puke on the side of the road. Been there too many times.
I hope you are having a better day now.
Jodi, That's all we can ever do -- the best that we can right now. I'm so glad to hear you say that, rather than beating yourself.
My day is fine. I had a panic attack cause I felt an old behavior materialize out of nowhere. So I'll deal with it. There was a reason for acquiring all those tools. I'm going to need every one of 'em.
What have you done to take care of yourself today? I had yoga (though I never got into the Zone, at least I showed up on the mat).
I know you're doing the best you can. It's enough.
Love,
Gina
My day is fine. I had a panic attack cause I felt an old behavior materialize out of nowhere. So I'll deal with it. There was a reason for acquiring all those tools. I'm going to need every one of 'em.
What have you done to take care of yourself today? I had yoga (though I never got into the Zone, at least I showed up on the mat).
I know you're doing the best you can. It's enough.
Love,
Gina
Hi Jodi...Today was a test...a lot of Lupus pain and I was tempted..instead of taking a pill .I took a nap and that solved a host of problems. Too bad I can't do that tomorrow at work...standing on my feet is a biatch. I hope things are getting better for you. S
Hey Sharonn,
I'm glad you took care of yourself today. Why do you have to stand? Can you not perch on a stool or sit down at intervals? I guess comfortable shoes are out of the question.
Hang in there. I know what a fighter you are, wench.
Love,
Gina
I'm glad you took care of yourself today. Why do you have to stand? Can you not perch on a stool or sit down at intervals? I guess comfortable shoes are out of the question.
Hang in there. I know what a fighter you are, wench.
Love,
Gina
Sharonn- Isin't it strange how sleeping makes the pain go away? Since Christmas, I've has some tremendous amount of pain. I mean, really terrible pain and sleeping is the only time I get relief.
Last night, I got home and was really tired and in the most terrible pain and around 9:00 decided to goto sleep..was happy because I knew the pain would stop..unfortunately, I woke up at 12:30 and was awake until 3. It sucked because when I first woke up, it felt like I had slept 7 or 8 hours and thought I did until I looked at the clock.
Last night, I got home and was really tired and in the most terrible pain and around 9:00 decided to goto sleep..was happy because I knew the pain would stop..unfortunately, I woke up at 12:30 and was awake until 3. It sucked because when I first woke up, it felt like I had slept 7 or 8 hours and thought I did until I looked at the clock.
I let another person get the best of me. (no excuses, jsut my truth)
To those of you who thikn youd juust like one more buzzz,
its not worth it.
The room spinnig and the head rolling and the mean and nasty suicdide thoughts aren't fun.
No fun here anymore.
Just hate and anger....
i hate it. I hate my anger. I hate addiction.
I hate god for giving me life right now.
Sorry. It just all sucks.
I can't deal with it.
Can't cope.
I need to cope.
To those of you who thikn youd juust like one more buzzz,
its not worth it.
The room spinnig and the head rolling and the mean and nasty suicdide thoughts aren't fun.
No fun here anymore.
Just hate and anger....
i hate it. I hate my anger. I hate addiction.
I hate god for giving me life right now.
Sorry. It just all sucks.
I can't deal with it.
Can't cope.
I need to cope.
Do you know that show intervention???
Well I wish someone would just come and do that to me.
I'd be so grateful in the end.
Just take me away.................................
I hate life righ now...............
Well I wish someone would just come and do that to me.
I'd be so grateful in the end.
Just take me away.................................
I hate life righ now...............
Hey Jodi, my offer still stands. Whenever you need me, I'll be here for you.
There is always hope and the promise of a better life.
xxxxxxoooooo
There is always hope and the promise of a better life.
xxxxxxoooooo
i know this s*** gets old almost every f***ing night from me.
But it is my reality...really really old.
I really don't know what to do.
I'm so much hanging by a bare thread. I don't know ohw long i can hold on.
Its bad.......really really bad.
I just want to get out. More like...I just want to be taken away.
I cant find my way out...atleast not alive.
I just wanna live...and live a good life.
this isn't it. Not good. If this is the best it can be, then I'll pass. You know?
But it is my reality...really really old.
I really don't know what to do.
I'm so much hanging by a bare thread. I don't know ohw long i can hold on.
Its bad.......really really bad.
I just want to get out. More like...I just want to be taken away.
I cant find my way out...atleast not alive.
I just wanna live...and live a good life.
this isn't it. Not good. If this is the best it can be, then I'll pass. You know?
Jodi- I am sure you have heard this 100 times. Really, all of us felt all hope is lost. I have never heard anyone say otherwise. I don't post to you all that much but from what I am reading here and on other threads, you have hit your rock bototm pretty much.
I know you think all is lost. It's not. Easy for me to say, I know. It seems like it, doesn't it? Like everything and everyone is smacking you around and it hurts and you don't know what to do and at the end of your rope.
You need to hang in there, continue getting sober (from everything) and believe it when people say it not only gets better, it gets terrific. It gets really good. You can own your life again if you want to.
I know you think all is lost. It's not. Easy for me to say, I know. It seems like it, doesn't it? Like everything and everyone is smacking you around and it hurts and you don't know what to do and at the end of your rope.
You need to hang in there, continue getting sober (from everything) and believe it when people say it not only gets better, it gets terrific. It gets really good. You can own your life again if you want to.
it gets to the point where it doesn't matter if I'm f***ed up or not. I can be stone cold sober and still end up feelingthis way.
so what the f*** is hte difference? No matter what i do, it doesn't matter.
That's why i shouldn't be bringing this s*** here. Because it doesn't matter anymore.
Obviously i'm not here to be sober. i'm here for what? to learn how to live...or more like to learn how to survive. i've accepted that i will never probably be sober...
but my only "friends" are here. And I'm just going f***ing crazy here...feeling alone and like i'm such a bad person. I'm not though. i did nothing wrong today...or in a long time for that matter. Yet i still can't win.
Here I am........backed into that god damn cold dark lonely corner again.,
What's it gonna take?
I want out.....
I want to escape.
Go far far away.
I want to know peace...for once.
God help me. I need it.
so what the f*** is hte difference? No matter what i do, it doesn't matter.
That's why i shouldn't be bringing this s*** here. Because it doesn't matter anymore.
Obviously i'm not here to be sober. i'm here for what? to learn how to live...or more like to learn how to survive. i've accepted that i will never probably be sober...
but my only "friends" are here. And I'm just going f***ing crazy here...feeling alone and like i'm such a bad person. I'm not though. i did nothing wrong today...or in a long time for that matter. Yet i still can't win.
Here I am........backed into that god damn cold dark lonely corner again.,
What's it gonna take?
I want out.....
I want to escape.
Go far far away.
I want to know peace...for once.
God help me. I need it.
Jodi,
You're asking for help and to be taken away. It's time to call an inpatient rehab. Someone posted info about a free clinic. Call them.
I know that exhaustion. Do you need someone to do the legwork for you? Because if you want, I'll call them for you. Believe me, I do know what it's like to be utterly incapable of doing a thing.
It's time. You're going to die and maybe that's what you want right now, but you deserve more.
ke_gina@hotmail.com
Love,
Gina
You're asking for help and to be taken away. It's time to call an inpatient rehab. Someone posted info about a free clinic. Call them.
I know that exhaustion. Do you need someone to do the legwork for you? Because if you want, I'll call them for you. Believe me, I do know what it's like to be utterly incapable of doing a thing.
It's time. You're going to die and maybe that's what you want right now, but you deserve more.
ke_gina@hotmail.com
Love,
Gina
You know it seems almost pointless to try anymore. "Why bother?" I ask myself. Well there's got to be a reason I still keep crying for help. For something.
It seems pointless to worry about getting up for wrok in the morning. But i'll still try..I'll still be there.
My friend tried to tell me i'm differnet from other addicts she knows. I'm still "responsible". What a joke.
If I don't work, I don't have money. It's all just a big f***ing joke. WIthout money I couldn't be the good little addict that i am.
ANd, Gina, you were right. being addicted to a relationship is just as f***ed up as being addicted to any substance. Maybe even more f***ed up.
How many here have been to your lowest point? Ok...still got a house, a car, my kids. Yet i'm no better (maybe even worse) than the down and out homeless addict.
I still pray to die.
My life is a f***ing charade.
And i'm tired. Tired doesn't describe it. There's gotta be a better word.
There's gotta be a better life. My son and I had this big philosophical conversation today. About the meaning of life....what comes next...blah blah blah. I can talk a good game.
But living it?
Nope.
It seems pointless to worry about getting up for wrok in the morning. But i'll still try..I'll still be there.
My friend tried to tell me i'm differnet from other addicts she knows. I'm still "responsible". What a joke.
If I don't work, I don't have money. It's all just a big f***ing joke. WIthout money I couldn't be the good little addict that i am.
ANd, Gina, you were right. being addicted to a relationship is just as f***ed up as being addicted to any substance. Maybe even more f***ed up.
How many here have been to your lowest point? Ok...still got a house, a car, my kids. Yet i'm no better (maybe even worse) than the down and out homeless addict.
I still pray to die.
My life is a f***ing charade.
And i'm tired. Tired doesn't describe it. There's gotta be a better word.
There's gotta be a better life. My son and I had this big philosophical conversation today. About the meaning of life....what comes next...blah blah blah. I can talk a good game.
But living it?
Nope.
Jodi,
Who cares about the car, the house, the job? You're going to lose them anyway over time, if you go on like this. Or you'll die with possessions. What difference does it make? Go to rehab.
I don' t know how to tell you where to find hope. But look, I can tell from the way you write that you're not without brains or education. The only things holding you down are your disease and your diseased marriage.
I know you love your children and those conversations with the kids are magical. There's this Indian saying that I love. "It's a parent's duty to hope."
Dr. M says that one of the most important things to teach your children is not to give up.
Don't give up.
Love,
Gina
Who cares about the car, the house, the job? You're going to lose them anyway over time, if you go on like this. Or you'll die with possessions. What difference does it make? Go to rehab.
I don' t know how to tell you where to find hope. But look, I can tell from the way you write that you're not without brains or education. The only things holding you down are your disease and your diseased marriage.
I know you love your children and those conversations with the kids are magical. There's this Indian saying that I love. "It's a parent's duty to hope."
Dr. M says that one of the most important things to teach your children is not to give up.
Don't give up.
Love,
Gina
Jodi, there is hope. If I can get away from the manipulation and misery, so can you. You actually have it better than I do. You're the main bread winner in your household. I wasn't. I can show you that life can be better. All you have to do is let me. You think you can't overcome this, but you can.
It's obvious to me that you are severely depressed. Friends can help you pull through. You've just got to let them. I would have been lost without my support system. My friends had faith in me when I didn't have it in myself.
You're not lost, it just feels like you are.
I'm here.
xxxxxxooooo
It's obvious to me that you are severely depressed. Friends can help you pull through. You've just got to let them. I would have been lost without my support system. My friends had faith in me when I didn't have it in myself.
You're not lost, it just feels like you are.
I'm here.
xxxxxxooooo
Jodi-I just sent you an e-mail.I wasn't around last night and didn't see it.
Jodi-We're back on that merry-go-round.Many people here have taken their time to give you some phone numbers etc.I saw about 3 that Kerry listed for you of places to go that were free.
Have you called any one of them?
Nobody is going to recue you.Actually,it would be the worst thing that could happen to you.
You are going to have to face the fact that your job is not as important as your life.
Pick up that phone.
Jodi-We're back on that merry-go-round.Many people here have taken their time to give you some phone numbers etc.I saw about 3 that Kerry listed for you of places to go that were free.
Have you called any one of them?
Nobody is going to recue you.Actually,it would be the worst thing that could happen to you.
You are going to have to face the fact that your job is not as important as your life.
Pick up that phone.
Hi Jodi...It's Saturday and a few days ago I was in a pretty bad mental place...pretty hopeless as well..so I decided to try the taper again...baby steps ...after the first 2 successful days I had more confidence and I posted about it. Yesterday was tough and I posted about it...Point being...I was at 60mgs. a day...struggling at that dose...woke up to realize I had 55 yesterday...didn't even realize it. So this battle can be fought. For me it is excruciating babysteps...you had 2 days doll...that is not NOTHING...you can do it again..just for today..then tomorrow....I cannot believe that I have been able to do this. I really don't have anything different than you except hope...hope to get better...hope to prove to myself...all you have to do is stick to a plan for a day...then tomorrow will be a new day...in small bits it is easier.God...I wish I could drag you to my house and do iy with you. I don't no where I am getting the strength...I pray and I know the last week has been my little miracle. Please don't give up. Love and concern, Sharonn
