My youngest daughter has been lying to me for awhile, my gut told me so...but I just let everything play out...my oldest daughter informed me that my youngest daughter is drinking again...she came home with a pit bull puppy last night...me and this kid live in a one bedroom apartment and I've made it clear she can keep her cat but no dogs, the apartment is way too small. Anyway, I let it go last night so that I could sleep to be able to work today. Told my daughter that we would have a discussion about this this afternoon, my oldest daughter was over and I we started to discuss it....I think she had been drinking (my youngest) because she went out of complete control and into rage and said it's her and the dog or nothing...I said fine...but my rule is just you living her, no dog. I remained calm, well pretty calm, and she started to get angrier and started messing up the place and threw a glass bottle of perfume at my oldest daughter and missed her by seconds and inches. I told she had to go...my oldest daughter was on the phone to the Police, so K picked up the dog and bolted. The Officer filed yet another report and she is considered missing now. I turned off her cell, double locked my doors, shut down her myspace account and called her Dad. I will trust my Higher Power that everything will work out just like it is suppose to....I am done driving around looking for her, engaging with her and calling all her friends to check on her...I did that back late last year before and after she got out of rehab and I'm done...so be it...she can be out there and hopefully she will hit a bottom a lot sooner than her Dad and I did. Every indication is the 21 year old is still in her life...I have to say I have some strange kind of peace and relief tonight. This Officer says don't go after her, let us do our job.
Thanks for lifting us up in prayer. My oldest daughter is the one who is just not coping well tonight.
Geri
Gidday VWGirl and my love and energy to you and your daughters
Bloody Hell VW all i can offer is my thoughts and i can send you my love and energy, addiction the bstard cunning, baffling and powerful
The calmness you are feeling is acceptance because you know the process and the problem of addiction, your older daughter is experiencing first hand how the addict can be jekyll and hyde, different to when it was you and your ex, and maybe a few alanon meetings will help her, and just check that she is not blaming herself for any of this:)
VWGirl do not hold anything in mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically if you need to cry, cry if you need to pray, pray as you said the time for running after her is gone and the apron strings have snapped allow God to do the minding now and her journey is her journey, she will eventually find that all the things she desires will not give her the love that is in your heart for her and god willing she will find a way back and at least she is aware there is a better option if she so desires in the future.
light and love to you and your family
zac
Bloody Hell VW all i can offer is my thoughts and i can send you my love and energy, addiction the bstard cunning, baffling and powerful
The calmness you are feeling is acceptance because you know the process and the problem of addiction, your older daughter is experiencing first hand how the addict can be jekyll and hyde, different to when it was you and your ex, and maybe a few alanon meetings will help her, and just check that she is not blaming herself for any of this:)
VWGirl do not hold anything in mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically if you need to cry, cry if you need to pray, pray as you said the time for running after her is gone and the apron strings have snapped allow God to do the minding now and her journey is her journey, she will eventually find that all the things she desires will not give her the love that is in your heart for her and god willing she will find a way back and at least she is aware there is a better option if she so desires in the future.
light and love to you and your family
zac
VWgirl, you and the girls are in my prayers.
I hope that things turn out okay.
I hope that things turn out okay.
You're in my prayers.
Thinking of you.stay strong and take care, hope things have settled downa little?
flojo x
flojo x
Prayers for you, your daughters and all around you affected by this...
Geri,
I can totally relate to how you are feeling right now...I had to cut the apron strings as Zac said last year and let my son go and it has been a journey...Steven's reaction is to run and looking back now, he's spent more time running & being caught than he has having "fun"...I just went to visit him yesterday after not seeing him for a few months and he's doing so much better...He's in a group home over 3 hrs away (they thought this might deter him from running away) and he's growing up and working his program...Today I know that it's his journey and my part is very minimal...I'm his mother, I love him, he knows this, he loves me but he has to figure out how to stay clean & sober and how to live life on life's terms...I support him but I do not enable him today and I have to share with others and get their feedback to know the difference...but most of all, I pray and have faith in my HP that everything is exactly the way it's supposed to be at this point in time...Steven's life is his to live at this point and I cannot change him, nor control him, nor cure him but I have learned to accept who he is and not have too many expectations and realize he is not me and the only one I can change is me....It is so very difficult but I have found, living one day at a time, letting things happen and letting God take care of him, I can sleep at night...It's okay to let her go and let God take over. She's old enough and has had enough recovery in her to know right from wrong and know they're her consquences to deal with...I know for a long time I lived with guilt wondering if it was my fault, what I could have done different, what if but it comes down to the fact the only thing I can change is me and live in today, I can't change yesterday....
I love you, Geri and my heart hurts for you as it is difficult to watch our children travel down such a scary path...but have faith and trust God to watch over them...
(((hugs)))
Stacey
Geri,
I can totally relate to how you are feeling right now...I had to cut the apron strings as Zac said last year and let my son go and it has been a journey...Steven's reaction is to run and looking back now, he's spent more time running & being caught than he has having "fun"...I just went to visit him yesterday after not seeing him for a few months and he's doing so much better...He's in a group home over 3 hrs away (they thought this might deter him from running away) and he's growing up and working his program...Today I know that it's his journey and my part is very minimal...I'm his mother, I love him, he knows this, he loves me but he has to figure out how to stay clean & sober and how to live life on life's terms...I support him but I do not enable him today and I have to share with others and get their feedback to know the difference...but most of all, I pray and have faith in my HP that everything is exactly the way it's supposed to be at this point in time...Steven's life is his to live at this point and I cannot change him, nor control him, nor cure him but I have learned to accept who he is and not have too many expectations and realize he is not me and the only one I can change is me....It is so very difficult but I have found, living one day at a time, letting things happen and letting God take care of him, I can sleep at night...It's okay to let her go and let God take over. She's old enough and has had enough recovery in her to know right from wrong and know they're her consquences to deal with...I know for a long time I lived with guilt wondering if it was my fault, what I could have done different, what if but it comes down to the fact the only thing I can change is me and live in today, I can't change yesterday....
I love you, Geri and my heart hurts for you as it is difficult to watch our children travel down such a scary path...but have faith and trust God to watch over them...
(((hugs)))
Stacey
Hi Buddy
As the father of a 21 year old guy(who by the way still lives with me ) I also am becoming concerned about his habits. When he 1st started with the weed, I figured - - better than alcohol - But - things have not slowed down & the way he justifies it pisses me off- - I can relate to your concerns .
Things are so different now- Your & your kid are in my prayers
Hang in there Geri
much respect&love
jack
As the father of a 21 year old guy(who by the way still lives with me ) I also am becoming concerned about his habits. When he 1st started with the weed, I figured - - better than alcohol - But - things have not slowed down & the way he justifies it pisses me off- - I can relate to your concerns .
Things are so different now- Your & your kid are in my prayers
Hang in there Geri
much respect&love
jack
Thanks everyone, I posted this over on the Family and Friends board....so forgive me for not typing a "fresh" post...but yes, SKG all of your prayers are working, I'm still sober thank God, that's such a huge blessing that I don't have to drink over this sh*@ anymore....so here is the latest (thanks to SKG, Zac, Val, Stacey, Calabash, Ginge, Bryn, Devangreb, Jack, I'm so tired I can't remember everyone but you know I don't mean to leave anyone out, but it means so much to me, all of your uplifting words have carried me through this very challenging time in my sobriety):
Thank you for your prayers, support and the sharing of your experience, strength and hope. My youngest daughter returned on her own, but I am still harboring resentment and anger towards her....I am not working my FA program very well, but am jumping back into AA and getting grounded again.. I'm just really sick of my daughter. But, then I'm reminded she is spiritually sick. She had the "incomprehensible demoralization" that is written about in the Big Book of AA...but it lasted for a like a day...then some attitude returned again...she just wants to run the show....it's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop....it is 16 months and 12 days until she is 18 and I can't wait....she started going to YP AA again and got a Sponsor, it's weird cause I met this woman at the nail salon, and she goes to Alanon and we shared about our daughters and then lo and behold this young lady (the woman's daughter) with 2 plus years of sobriety is now my daughter's Sponsor....so I have to get into action and just take care of myself...K is right where she is suppose to be and if she doesn't come home at night I will one more time report her for curfew violation, lock her out and the Cops said if I keep doing this we may be able to get her on Probation for continuing to violate...it sounds like a really good idea that she be accountable to a PO...they won't take her to Juvenile Hall because of the overcrowding and it is just filled to the brim with violent offenders....so they think she'd come out worse than she gets now...again, there are a lot of positive things about her, but she is a pathological liar and I have to remember when I was active in my disease I was too and I can even go to that place sober....reality, man, it's hard times. My Lord, I've created a carbon copy of myself...LOL! Thank you all again so very much. Oh, btw, she did make her amends to my oldest daughter today. My oldest daughter doesn't want to have much to do with her though.....so, I am putting more energy into my other relationships right now, especially my oldest daughter....it was one-sided before, only K, like I've said she's been my drug of choice for the last 19 months.
Thank you for your prayers, support and the sharing of your experience, strength and hope. My youngest daughter returned on her own, but I am still harboring resentment and anger towards her....I am not working my FA program very well, but am jumping back into AA and getting grounded again.. I'm just really sick of my daughter. But, then I'm reminded she is spiritually sick. She had the "incomprehensible demoralization" that is written about in the Big Book of AA...but it lasted for a like a day...then some attitude returned again...she just wants to run the show....it's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop....it is 16 months and 12 days until she is 18 and I can't wait....she started going to YP AA again and got a Sponsor, it's weird cause I met this woman at the nail salon, and she goes to Alanon and we shared about our daughters and then lo and behold this young lady (the woman's daughter) with 2 plus years of sobriety is now my daughter's Sponsor....so I have to get into action and just take care of myself...K is right where she is suppose to be and if she doesn't come home at night I will one more time report her for curfew violation, lock her out and the Cops said if I keep doing this we may be able to get her on Probation for continuing to violate...it sounds like a really good idea that she be accountable to a PO...they won't take her to Juvenile Hall because of the overcrowding and it is just filled to the brim with violent offenders....so they think she'd come out worse than she gets now...again, there are a lot of positive things about her, but she is a pathological liar and I have to remember when I was active in my disease I was too and I can even go to that place sober....reality, man, it's hard times. My Lord, I've created a carbon copy of myself...LOL! Thank you all again so very much. Oh, btw, she did make her amends to my oldest daughter today. My oldest daughter doesn't want to have much to do with her though.....so, I am putting more energy into my other relationships right now, especially my oldest daughter....it was one-sided before, only K, like I've said she's been my drug of choice for the last 19 months.
:I am not working my FA program
What's "FA?" I mean, I know what 'sweet FA' means in Great Britain, but is it a family program or something?
:I'm just really sick of my daughter.
Someone used to say, "I love my kids, but sometimes I REALLY don't LIKE them!" To the casual eavesdropper, that sounds terrible--almost abusive--but it's so true. There are times when their actions are so incredibly frustrating.
I've asked MY HP to check in on you--and your kiddo. It's a b**** when we get to see ourselves, growing up--knowing what we know now, isn't it? I often wondered how I would react if I had to raise myself as an adolescent. Probably would have to just take my hands off and play Tough Love (as it sounds like you're doing) because I was bad. REAL bad. And sneaky. We never had the cops involved because, afterall, "This is family business," but if they had I'm sure I'd have done SOME time. I look back and have to thank my HP that I'm alive--let alone have my "yets" in tact. But for the Grace of God....
Sounds like you're getting through to her, though. Sounds like she quits when she's got your attention--or ANY attention that puts her out in front. Remember when we were talking about DRAMA? This is why I had to refuse to play teenaged-angst games--because it all seems so pointless. Seems like 6th grade recess stuff all over again, mostly. Also, there comes a time when they know everything and all we can do is stop protecting them from themselves. Time for her to put the Big Girl panties on.
:My Lord, I've created a carbon copy of myself...LOL!
Sounds like it. Do you remember what was going through YOUR mind?
Hang in there--and don't pick at it too much. Hey! Go get a JUICER....
;)
What's "FA?" I mean, I know what 'sweet FA' means in Great Britain, but is it a family program or something?
:I'm just really sick of my daughter.
Someone used to say, "I love my kids, but sometimes I REALLY don't LIKE them!" To the casual eavesdropper, that sounds terrible--almost abusive--but it's so true. There are times when their actions are so incredibly frustrating.
I've asked MY HP to check in on you--and your kiddo. It's a b**** when we get to see ourselves, growing up--knowing what we know now, isn't it? I often wondered how I would react if I had to raise myself as an adolescent. Probably would have to just take my hands off and play Tough Love (as it sounds like you're doing) because I was bad. REAL bad. And sneaky. We never had the cops involved because, afterall, "This is family business," but if they had I'm sure I'd have done SOME time. I look back and have to thank my HP that I'm alive--let alone have my "yets" in tact. But for the Grace of God....
Sounds like you're getting through to her, though. Sounds like she quits when she's got your attention--or ANY attention that puts her out in front. Remember when we were talking about DRAMA? This is why I had to refuse to play teenaged-angst games--because it all seems so pointless. Seems like 6th grade recess stuff all over again, mostly. Also, there comes a time when they know everything and all we can do is stop protecting them from themselves. Time for her to put the Big Girl panties on.
:My Lord, I've created a carbon copy of myself...LOL!
Sounds like it. Do you remember what was going through YOUR mind?
Hang in there--and don't pick at it too much. Hey! Go get a JUICER....
;)
Thanks for the replies. Yes, SKG, FA is Families Anonymous based on the 12 steps and 12 traditions of AA. I took a vacation day to rest today....and I am going to do just that. I'm learning not to engage or react when K gets out of control. But, I have written up new boundaries and guidelines for her to abide by. Alcohol testing strips will be par for the course again. The Police have been a tremendous help to me....they totally have their eye on her. One mis-step and they'll arrest her, they are waiting....she thinks she's above the law and so does that guy she runs around with.....one Cop told me if he sees them together, boom he goes right back in prison...the City Prosecutor hasn't been able to thoroughly review all the stuff that has compiled on his desk in regard to K and S, but his Assistant assures me they will be getting to it within the next month. My daughter says she is an alcoholic, she says she has 6 days of sobriety today, she says she has a Sponsor and she says she can't understand why she can't drink like other people! Hmmm, who does that sound like...yep, you're right, me! Actually her disease of alcoholism seems to be progressing at a faster rate than mine did....hopefully, she will get the program sooner rather than later. Thanks again everyone!
Hi Geri,
It has been forever since I've posted here...but I always see what you are up to. I've been hitting Al-anon too. It used to bug me when they would say keep the focus on yourself, but truer words were never spoken.
Sounds like you are working your butt off in regards to several 12 step programs...and I'm really glad.
You and your girls are in my prayers....I think of you often and know that I am sending you LOTS of warm fuzzy sober energy :)
love,
Carolyn
Thanks Carolyn, so glad to see your post! I'm in a "mood" tonight....so, I've been getting into action by journaling and am reciting the 3rd, 4th, 7th, and 11th step prayers over and over again. I'm glad it's almost time to go to bed...tomorrow is a new day, however I am reminded I can start my day over anytime....hmm, maybe I should try that! Yep, AA, FA, Al-anon....I don't go to a heck of a lot of meetings, probably three a week now...but do get into the literature and talk to folks from all the programs I attend meetings at...I've also started boxing classes with my youngest daughter. Exercising is soooooooooo hard! But good!
Hey Geri,
Came over here for a selfish reason........I read your posts here.
Can a Sister get in on this prayer helping?
Ohhhhhhh, I'm right about now ready to have a nervous breakdown regarding my daughter.
WHY? Why ya calling me up? Then I call back and you don't answer. I ain't even looked at the dang myspace default picture for two weeks. Well, who I'm looking at is beyond my belief. Glad to see all the drunk and weed smoking stuff being discussed. Something's real wrong.
Yeah, I broke and called my ex's house. I ain't called there in eight months.
Guess what? She ain't there, but he knew why the calls.......calls........and messages were for..........she wants her suitcases............agin called when she wanted something.............Ger, I can't stand this.
Sorry I hijacked, but please, please keep my daughter in your prayers as well.
Thanks guys.
Came over here for a selfish reason........I read your posts here.
Can a Sister get in on this prayer helping?
Ohhhhhhh, I'm right about now ready to have a nervous breakdown regarding my daughter.
WHY? Why ya calling me up? Then I call back and you don't answer. I ain't even looked at the dang myspace default picture for two weeks. Well, who I'm looking at is beyond my belief. Glad to see all the drunk and weed smoking stuff being discussed. Something's real wrong.
Yeah, I broke and called my ex's house. I ain't called there in eight months.
Guess what? She ain't there, but he knew why the calls.......calls........and messages were for..........she wants her suitcases............agin called when she wanted something.............Ger, I can't stand this.
Sorry I hijacked, but please, please keep my daughter in your prayers as well.
Thanks guys.
Hey Bryn,
I posted over at the Families and Friends site to you before I saw your post over here. I know the insanity, I know....I felt like I was creeping back into obsessive behavior tonight, but started reading the posts here and it's, one more time, carrying me through...I don't know how to tell you to let go, but for me, when I just surrender K to a God of my own understanding, then I get relief. Also, just getting out and exercising, going to a meeting and visiting with my sister helped a lot today, got to spend a bit of time with my oldest daughter too....I say take it one day at a time but sometimes it's just minute by minute...I will definitely keep you and your daughter, your entire family in my prayers....I light candles every night and say prayers all the way around. All that I can say is that this disease is a family disease, and it's an f'n b*****, isn't it.....oh, I wanted to share something with you that my Therapist shared with me, she said when you are out there doing life and taking care of yourself, your daughters like that and told me that I am role modeling appropriate behavior to them when I do...providing them with drama-less coping tools....I think the worst thing for me is when I can't sleep, I feel so emotionally hung-over the next day....hope you are able to get some rest tonight...I know for me I switched addictions: alcohol/coke to K....I'm here for you and will be up for a little while, it's only right before 8:00 pm on the West coast...I would be glad to give you my email address if you like. Hang in there buddy.
I posted over at the Families and Friends site to you before I saw your post over here. I know the insanity, I know....I felt like I was creeping back into obsessive behavior tonight, but started reading the posts here and it's, one more time, carrying me through...I don't know how to tell you to let go, but for me, when I just surrender K to a God of my own understanding, then I get relief. Also, just getting out and exercising, going to a meeting and visiting with my sister helped a lot today, got to spend a bit of time with my oldest daughter too....I say take it one day at a time but sometimes it's just minute by minute...I will definitely keep you and your daughter, your entire family in my prayers....I light candles every night and say prayers all the way around. All that I can say is that this disease is a family disease, and it's an f'n b*****, isn't it.....oh, I wanted to share something with you that my Therapist shared with me, she said when you are out there doing life and taking care of yourself, your daughters like that and told me that I am role modeling appropriate behavior to them when I do...providing them with drama-less coping tools....I think the worst thing for me is when I can't sleep, I feel so emotionally hung-over the next day....hope you are able to get some rest tonight...I know for me I switched addictions: alcohol/coke to K....I'm here for you and will be up for a little while, it's only right before 8:00 pm on the West coast...I would be glad to give you my email address if you like. Hang in there buddy.
Hi VWG,
Goodonya for staying centered and you're right about addiction transferrance. for ME, it's always something: The Next Shiny Object and it works for a while, but then reality happens and I find I've got to face Life. I'm still working that part--one little step at a time. When I start wandering around in my own head I get anxious and sometimes frantic. I ask myself, "How do other people DO this?" so I end up at a meeting--and I'm centered again. For a while. It only works if I work it, though, and I can't let others make it work.
I watched 'Intervention," on Friday and thought about you. A young girl addicted to heroin and coke making her family crazy--but THEY were facilitating alot of it, too. I guess it's easy to diagnose when we're on the outside, huh? Anyway, I wish for you serenity and that your kid manages to peer over the curb and finally get help.
Thanks for sharing: A problem shared is a problem cut in half.
Goodonya for staying centered and you're right about addiction transferrance. for ME, it's always something: The Next Shiny Object and it works for a while, but then reality happens and I find I've got to face Life. I'm still working that part--one little step at a time. When I start wandering around in my own head I get anxious and sometimes frantic. I ask myself, "How do other people DO this?" so I end up at a meeting--and I'm centered again. For a while. It only works if I work it, though, and I can't let others make it work.
I watched 'Intervention," on Friday and thought about you. A young girl addicted to heroin and coke making her family crazy--but THEY were facilitating alot of it, too. I guess it's easy to diagnose when we're on the outside, huh? Anyway, I wish for you serenity and that your kid manages to peer over the curb and finally get help.
Thanks for sharing: A problem shared is a problem cut in half.
Hi SKG,
I watched the intervention as well on friday nite about that young girl,
I am lucky to have been raised in NZ and not given the "oppertunity" To get my hands on that sort of stuff,
I watch Intervention every chance I get, what suprise,s me is all the alkies excuse,e I have used em all :)
Ginge
I watched the intervention as well on friday nite about that young girl,
I am lucky to have been raised in NZ and not given the "oppertunity" To get my hands on that sort of stuff,
I watch Intervention every chance I get, what suprise,s me is all the alkies excuse,e I have used em all :)
Ginge
Hi again, Ginge.
I have to agree--the addictions are different but the excuses, manipulation, obsessions, etc., are the same. You know, the thing that really sticks in my mind is the extent to which Enablers go to support the behavior--irrespective the addiction of choice. I mean, let's face it: Heroin, coke, oxy--all of the 'glammer drugs' are EXPENSIVE--and the addiction much more rapid and more devastating. And the rehab/recovery rate after intervention seems to be very, very low--at least initially. I don't see how people a) afford it, b) hide it, and c) justify their Enabling.
Of course, I am only addicted to everything else... I was a wonderfully cheerful drunk--funny, friendly, stupid, just plain looking for acceptance at any cost. My drug of choice was alcohol because everything else is ILLEGAL, and drinking is a social thing--something that I needed to believe I was doing successfully. Of course, drinking by myself near the end and wanting to be left alone sort of culminates my drinking career full circle, but I was able to manage a job, career, and family.
I think my SU was my enabler, but more likely it was my Stinkin' Thinkin' that put me where I ended up. All about fear of acceptance and all that crap.
sheesh! THAT came out of nowhere! Sorry for stealing this thread--guess I needed some ventilation, huh?
Good to see you again, Ginge. Don't be a stranger! And yes, I watch "Intervention," almost every week--yet another obsession! I STILL don't think I was any of those people....
ROTFLMAO!!!!!
I have to agree--the addictions are different but the excuses, manipulation, obsessions, etc., are the same. You know, the thing that really sticks in my mind is the extent to which Enablers go to support the behavior--irrespective the addiction of choice. I mean, let's face it: Heroin, coke, oxy--all of the 'glammer drugs' are EXPENSIVE--and the addiction much more rapid and more devastating. And the rehab/recovery rate after intervention seems to be very, very low--at least initially. I don't see how people a) afford it, b) hide it, and c) justify their Enabling.
Of course, I am only addicted to everything else... I was a wonderfully cheerful drunk--funny, friendly, stupid, just plain looking for acceptance at any cost. My drug of choice was alcohol because everything else is ILLEGAL, and drinking is a social thing--something that I needed to believe I was doing successfully. Of course, drinking by myself near the end and wanting to be left alone sort of culminates my drinking career full circle, but I was able to manage a job, career, and family.
I think my SU was my enabler, but more likely it was my Stinkin' Thinkin' that put me where I ended up. All about fear of acceptance and all that crap.
sheesh! THAT came out of nowhere! Sorry for stealing this thread--guess I needed some ventilation, huh?
Good to see you again, Ginge. Don't be a stranger! And yes, I watch "Intervention," almost every week--yet another obsession! I STILL don't think I was any of those people....
ROTFLMAO!!!!!
Sending prayers and love for you and yours VW. You too Bryn.
Maddy x
Maddy x
Hey skg -
(Former) Enabler (Codependent) Mom here. How do we justify? Hmmmm....let's see....it started out something like this,"She's a teenager, they all do this kind of stuff." And then, "God, I was so much worse at her age, when I think of what I did it's hard to judge." After that it was, "She's been better since she got a job." (Sure, she had enough money for her dope and didn't have to steal from us and do who knows what else.) All along I said, "She has so many neurological issues and has been diagnosed with severe recurrent depression since she was only 13, she's self-medicating, who wouldn't?" (The neuro issues are quite real, but I hardly think cocaine, etc was the answer.)
Later, when I was done with that sh*t, my husband was still having trouble getting on board until she came New Year's Eve looking half-dead (for real - half dead) and then went out to do it all over again the next night. Even after having her self-commit to an in-patient mental health facility he was ready to accept her 'deal' that she would do X,Y, and Z if we just didn't send her away. But like I said, I had seen the light and there was no way she coming home, so I fought the good fight and off she went. There are still times I catch myself getting ready to catch her, but I don't anymore - I come here instead.
OOPS! Talk about hijacking a thread...Sorry, y'all.
VWG - Still praying on you and your girls. I know how anxious you must be feeling right now and I totally relate to the daughter-as-project aspect. I'll be praying real hard for you.
Peace~MomNMore
(Former) Enabler (Codependent) Mom here. How do we justify? Hmmmm....let's see....it started out something like this,"She's a teenager, they all do this kind of stuff." And then, "God, I was so much worse at her age, when I think of what I did it's hard to judge." After that it was, "She's been better since she got a job." (Sure, she had enough money for her dope and didn't have to steal from us and do who knows what else.) All along I said, "She has so many neurological issues and has been diagnosed with severe recurrent depression since she was only 13, she's self-medicating, who wouldn't?" (The neuro issues are quite real, but I hardly think cocaine, etc was the answer.)
Later, when I was done with that sh*t, my husband was still having trouble getting on board until she came New Year's Eve looking half-dead (for real - half dead) and then went out to do it all over again the next night. Even after having her self-commit to an in-patient mental health facility he was ready to accept her 'deal' that she would do X,Y, and Z if we just didn't send her away. But like I said, I had seen the light and there was no way she coming home, so I fought the good fight and off she went. There are still times I catch myself getting ready to catch her, but I don't anymore - I come here instead.
OOPS! Talk about hijacking a thread...Sorry, y'all.
VWG - Still praying on you and your girls. I know how anxious you must be feeling right now and I totally relate to the daughter-as-project aspect. I'll be praying real hard for you.
Peace~MomNMore
Hi MomnMore,
My anxiety lessens when I come here and read posts like yours which carry me and give me hope. I certainly could have written your post...sounds like my daughter's story too....and how I enabled her.....tonight she went and had her hair colored and then called me and said she was going to an AA meeting with another girl, she said is that okay? I said yes, if it is really what you say you are doing...sometimes I use to pop in to meetings to see if she was really there and I know it embarrassed her and pissed her off....so I'm going to go to bed and just trust God and the process tonight. Thanks for posting what you did...you told my story and my daughters too.
My anxiety lessens when I come here and read posts like yours which carry me and give me hope. I certainly could have written your post...sounds like my daughter's story too....and how I enabled her.....tonight she went and had her hair colored and then called me and said she was going to an AA meeting with another girl, she said is that okay? I said yes, if it is really what you say you are doing...sometimes I use to pop in to meetings to see if she was really there and I know it embarrassed her and pissed her off....so I'm going to go to bed and just trust God and the process tonight. Thanks for posting what you did...you told my story and my daughters too.
