Things are pretty good for now...she's gotten herself an awesome sponsor, a friend of the family with 16 years sobriety. She's working on step 4 and sharing some of it with her dad and me. I'm staying out of it unless invited in. She needs to get more work, she's only working 3 days a week right now and barely covering her meds and cigarettes. I occasionally take her out to get our nails done, but no cash from me; when she's sick of being broke and not having a car or license, she'll deal with it. I'm at our mountain place alone and she's home with her dad...it's wonderful...I am thoroughly enjoying my alone time...skiing, reading, chilling, and watching the snow fall...it's all good.
I no longer worry about the future, there's not one thing I can do about it. One day at a time. Hang tough, Lisa, better days are coming...for both of you...for all of you.
Peace ~ M&M
Cowgirl/Lisa (my name is also Lisa, by the way)...please don't go. Truly, I am mostly just active on the alcohol board but come over the the pp board to see you share your ESH. I've been doing it for over a year, reading your posts. You've helped me many a day. You impress me & I'd hate to not "see" you around.
Hang in there...
Hang in there...
Lisa...
You are my hero! Keep doing what you do, girlfriend and this too shall pass. I agree with the group conscious that you need to stick around here, not only for you but for the newcomer, you have helped so many along this journey, me included and I am forever grateful for God putting you into my life.
Keep it simple, my friend, and day by day, things will get easier. What I totally love about this journey is we don't have to do it alone. You're not alone, Lisa, we're all in your back pocket....
Much love~
Stacey
You are my hero! Keep doing what you do, girlfriend and this too shall pass. I agree with the group conscious that you need to stick around here, not only for you but for the newcomer, you have helped so many along this journey, me included and I am forever grateful for God putting you into my life.
Keep it simple, my friend, and day by day, things will get easier. What I totally love about this journey is we don't have to do it alone. You're not alone, Lisa, we're all in your back pocket....
Much love~
Stacey
Thank you, Cowgirl for starting this thread.
I can't tell you how many times I have read it.
I understand what you are going through. I just asked my adult son to leave and locks are being changed when I get home. Hard stuff this nightmare of addiction is. I can no longer fight the monster, I have to let go and save me. I surrender!
Sending prayers your way!
I can't tell you how many times I have read it.
I understand what you are going through. I just asked my adult son to leave and locks are being changed when I get home. Hard stuff this nightmare of addiction is. I can no longer fight the monster, I have to let go and save me. I surrender!
Sending prayers your way!
Lisa - I hope that I am never in the position that you are in now. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I love my girls so much and want to see them grow up to the best that they can be. I'm sure you feel exactly the same way. I hope that he straightens himself out soon.
I'm not going anywhere..I need this board too much. The people here who I call "friend" are as important to me as the "real" people in my life. I will however stick to ESH instead of offereing opinions. Like I said, things just aren't coming out the way I mean them lately.
Mom..I am so happy to hear that your daughter is where she is now in her recovery. What I keep remembering for myself is, practice, not perfection. Everyday we get to practice doing and being better. Hopefully my own son will take that advice. I really hope you enjoyed your alone time. I can just picture you there at that mountain house. It must be beautiful.
To the "Mom" of an addict, I'm sorry I can't remember your name as I post this....I feel for you. There is nothing more heartbreaking then having to draw these final lines with our children. I'm almost there. Things are missing from the house again. I don't know for how long, I just now noticed when I was cleaning today. It makes me just want to sit and cry. Who steals from thier own family? Addicts do. It is the disease, not my child. My child would never do this. But again, I make it too easy for him TO do this.
If you don't think this can't happen to your children, you've got another thing coming. I was one of those mothers that used to say.."not MY child". Little did I know back then what was to come. Addiction knows no bounderies. Genetics are a fact of life.
Mom..I am so happy to hear that your daughter is where she is now in her recovery. What I keep remembering for myself is, practice, not perfection. Everyday we get to practice doing and being better. Hopefully my own son will take that advice. I really hope you enjoyed your alone time. I can just picture you there at that mountain house. It must be beautiful.
To the "Mom" of an addict, I'm sorry I can't remember your name as I post this....I feel for you. There is nothing more heartbreaking then having to draw these final lines with our children. I'm almost there. Things are missing from the house again. I don't know for how long, I just now noticed when I was cleaning today. It makes me just want to sit and cry. Who steals from thier own family? Addicts do. It is the disease, not my child. My child would never do this. But again, I make it too easy for him TO do this.
If you don't think this can't happen to your children, you've got another thing coming. I was one of those mothers that used to say.."not MY child". Little did I know back then what was to come. Addiction knows no bounderies. Genetics are a fact of life.
Lisa, have some patience with yourself...those 'final lines' you speak of - mine got moved daily for a long while. It can happen to ANYONE'S child...every addict has a mother. Your heart will break and it will feel like nothing will ever be the same, but you will survive and so will he...you are stronger than you know right now. I've felt like a puddle of nothing over my daughter's addiction...my hope and strength gone *poof* in a moment. In some ways it's like surviving the death of a loved one...we don't know how we'll do it, but we do survive somehow, even if things change.
How's Jake's dad doing with this?
Keep talking it out~M&M
How's Jake's dad doing with this?
Keep talking it out~M&M
It's funny that you said..the lines get moved every day...they really do. One day, I think, ok that's it, I'm done, the next, I think, I can help him, I can keep him safe by keeping him here. I know alot of people are shaking thier heads over that statement..it's ok. I get it.
My husband, Jon, does the best he can with what he knows. He supports me, lets me cry, holds me when I'm sad, lets me be angry when I need to be. Tonight with the mother of all "pissyness" for me. He just let me get it out and then hugged me when I couldn't find anymore words. He doesn't say much to Jake. I think it's because he doesn't like conflict. Will cut off his arm to avoid it. Not a good thing, I know. Probably why we have never fought much. He's a very passive person but not someone you want to piss off. When he's done, I'm sure this will all come to an end. Maybe that's what I'm waiting for.
When Jake got home tonight, he acted like all was well. Like nothing happend. Gave me a hug..told me what a good cook I am and then went to take a shower. I love that Jake. Not the one who steals or won't look me in the eye. This Jake is clean and sober today. For that I'm grateful...just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I called my alanon sponsor...she thinks I'm a pushover and too tender hearted..guess she doesn't know me well enough yet, does she? lol She kicks my butt though and makes me think, so I guess she's doing her job well. Man, she's tough.
Ok, that's enough out of me tonight..Going to watch Pale Rider and go to bed. Thanks for being there Mom...I really look forward to your posts to me. xxoo
My husband, Jon, does the best he can with what he knows. He supports me, lets me cry, holds me when I'm sad, lets me be angry when I need to be. Tonight with the mother of all "pissyness" for me. He just let me get it out and then hugged me when I couldn't find anymore words. He doesn't say much to Jake. I think it's because he doesn't like conflict. Will cut off his arm to avoid it. Not a good thing, I know. Probably why we have never fought much. He's a very passive person but not someone you want to piss off. When he's done, I'm sure this will all come to an end. Maybe that's what I'm waiting for.
When Jake got home tonight, he acted like all was well. Like nothing happend. Gave me a hug..told me what a good cook I am and then went to take a shower. I love that Jake. Not the one who steals or won't look me in the eye. This Jake is clean and sober today. For that I'm grateful...just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I called my alanon sponsor...she thinks I'm a pushover and too tender hearted..guess she doesn't know me well enough yet, does she? lol She kicks my butt though and makes me think, so I guess she's doing her job well. Man, she's tough.
Ok, that's enough out of me tonight..Going to watch Pale Rider and go to bed. Thanks for being there Mom...I really look forward to your posts to me. xxoo
It's not hard to believe that you're a pushover when it comes to your kids. I'm the same way with mine. Sadly though, they take advantage of that.
As I've mentioned my sister is going through the same thing with her son and everytime we think his bottom is here somebody bails him out. He'll never grow up this way.
Lisa I don't envy you at all. It's easy for those of us to say you need to show your son tough love and stick to it, and you really should, but I can't honestly say how I would be in your shoes. Real hard to let your kids hit their bottom but it may be the only thing that will save him. Is he getting into the service?
Well, one thing you can be happy about is he doesn't have any children as my nephew does, bad enough watching your son do this to himself but even worse when you see him so iresponsible to your grandchild.
Maybe the best advice I can give you is to pray for your son and pray that God will give you the strength to do what you need to do to help save him. Good luck and I'll be praying.
As I've mentioned my sister is going through the same thing with her son and everytime we think his bottom is here somebody bails him out. He'll never grow up this way.
Lisa I don't envy you at all. It's easy for those of us to say you need to show your son tough love and stick to it, and you really should, but I can't honestly say how I would be in your shoes. Real hard to let your kids hit their bottom but it may be the only thing that will save him. Is he getting into the service?
Well, one thing you can be happy about is he doesn't have any children as my nephew does, bad enough watching your son do this to himself but even worse when you see him so iresponsible to your grandchild.
Maybe the best advice I can give you is to pray for your son and pray that God will give you the strength to do what you need to do to help save him. Good luck and I'll be praying.
I dont understand the concept of tough love, have read over and over the views of it all and find that tough and love dont work well together if using both in the sense of just treating them tough and with love.
So I like this way
We get tough on ourselves, work constantly on all them icky behaviors of helping and making it easy for them.
And the love, well we just love them, as they are
Acceptance????
How hard it is to accept that our children are addicts would ever take this path, and even worse when we know where the path always ends, if they dont get off the ride.
The lines are driven by our emotions and frustration of wanting them to just get it, why cant they get it. But then they do have the potential too.
I know you see that Lisa, the ahh moments, even if they dont last long, the learning is so important, it helps to balance out the thinking most addicts in active addiction have with that I can control.look see I havent used in x amount of days.all those head games addicts play with themselves. I am sure somewhere along the line you told yourself a whole lot of lies when you were in active addiction to make it ok to continue to use
And yet watch real carefully that you arent telling yourself any now.It happens watching as well, so not wanting to believe even when we know that they are addicts, and what that really means.
Thinking of all of you.big deep breaths
Sending hugs
Hang in there
Love,
Tina
So I like this way
We get tough on ourselves, work constantly on all them icky behaviors of helping and making it easy for them.
And the love, well we just love them, as they are
Acceptance????
How hard it is to accept that our children are addicts would ever take this path, and even worse when we know where the path always ends, if they dont get off the ride.
The lines are driven by our emotions and frustration of wanting them to just get it, why cant they get it. But then they do have the potential too.
I know you see that Lisa, the ahh moments, even if they dont last long, the learning is so important, it helps to balance out the thinking most addicts in active addiction have with that I can control.look see I havent used in x amount of days.all those head games addicts play with themselves. I am sure somewhere along the line you told yourself a whole lot of lies when you were in active addiction to make it ok to continue to use
And yet watch real carefully that you arent telling yourself any now.It happens watching as well, so not wanting to believe even when we know that they are addicts, and what that really means.
Thinking of all of you.big deep breaths
Sending hugs
Hang in there
Love,
Tina
| QUOTE |
| The lines are driven by our emotions and frustration of wanting them to just get it, why cant they get it. |
So true...and you hate to see them not realize all the good stuff that's there for them...oh, and let's not forget the fear...our fear.
Good morning, Lisa. When I post to you I am trying to pay it forward, I guess. There was someone who used to post here a lot who held my hand (still does) and encouraged me...didn't focus on my failures to "get there", "get it", and "let go"...just kept telling me I'd get there in my own time...never lost her patience with me. Knowing what we have to do and doing it are entirely separate matters. Your posts touch a chord in me...the mother chord...that feeling I can't quite express adequately.
Jon...well, if we didn't live on opposite coasts I'd think my husband had another wife stashed away =0 My guy is non-confrontational, too...sometimes it's a good thing, other times not so much. When my daughter ran away in 2006...drug-crazed, in a manic phase beyond anything we'd ever seen before, he was here and I was in the Bahamas. Thank God is all I can say about that...my presence would have made a bad situation worse. All in all we strike a balance that neither could manage alone...that's what makes a long marriage successful.
Have a peaceful Sunday~M&M
I just keep thinking, it is what it is. Time has a way of working things out the way it's suppose too.
I'm headed to a 1:00 meeting. Right where I'm suppose to be.
Liz...in answer to your question, yes, he's still going to try for the military. Just waiting on medical records. Hopefully, they'll be here on Monday. He needs to go. I just don't know what other options he has at this point. I need peace around here. But mostly peace of mind.
Have a really good day everyone...be safe, clean and sober.
I'm headed to a 1:00 meeting. Right where I'm suppose to be.
Liz...in answer to your question, yes, he's still going to try for the military. Just waiting on medical records. Hopefully, they'll be here on Monday. He needs to go. I just don't know what other options he has at this point. I need peace around here. But mostly peace of mind.
Have a really good day everyone...be safe, clean and sober.
Hey Sweety...beings Im not online too much anymore I would like to know how your doing,& how your son is doing.Im not trying to pry.Just asking because of love & concern.
Love Brina
Love Brina
