Merry Christmas, Jason !!
I know what you mean about AA.
The first while I was in AA I thought it was the penalty that you had to pay for being an alcoholic.
After being in AA for a while and seeing/feeling it work the meetings soon became the best hour of the day.
Bob
WHOA!!!
Yikes! I need a clarification regarding methadone.. I'm a 54 year old male who just upgraded individual health insurance and after the last 2 years of soul searching picked 1-1-16 as the point where I tie up as much and many loose ends as I can and throw myself into a an inpatient for treatment of a triple or quadruple probably more like an infinite diagnosis of chemical dependency combined with a myriad of psychological issues depending on who I want to be any given day. There is nothing wrong with me Im just a typical manipulative drug addict who that plays his personality as quirky eccentricity.
I consider myself a functioning drug addict. On the other hand I was a functioning addict. I am sick of the one foot nailed to the floor while the other spins me around like a Kansas twister. Likely ying and yang, or what goes up must come down, or I got lots of luck,, all bad luck now, when it was always good, Ive been fortunate and relatively successful. Depending on who you ask and how you measure and whether "success" is even important, to who? Them? Me? You? I wanna go live life below Zero and be on the Nat Geo channel eating seal blubber.
I've been self-medicating off on and on since fourteen years of age. Flowers in my hair, windowpane in the fall. In my twenties, I learned to procure P2P and rode that train till Pablo made Disco Ducks out of the hip crowd, conformed to the norm with 2 1/2 kids, weekend house Dog and divorced after 9 years of 1.75l vodka per week. My kids in their twenties now, one an ivy leaguer, Deans list every semester, the other skis the winter golfs the summers away.
So ... 15 years or so, after surgery for torn ACL i found opiates that I had somehow managed to avoid. I found a 5-10mg hydrocodone, oxy, Percocet here or there when i was out of steam. (Probably the whole Low T thing) pop one in the afternoon and I was off and running strong in the rat race, so much better than coffee.
10 years ago - I'd moved into daily use, Doc shop, went to psychs and found out I was ADHD squared, 4- 20mg Adderall to level me out from the opiates which hyped me up .,
5 years ago, Friends I went to school with could write the scripts, at this point I realized.. Uh roh. Let the downhill slide begin, Shopping the street, learned the dark side of the web. Got introduced to horse riding, East coast quality at bulk levels unbelievable small amounts. 2-5mg specs of dust. No wonder so many kids quit breathing. Dumbass dealers cut that crap- you guys are killing theses stupid kids. Oooops I passed a mirror and realized wtf!
So bupe - nope subutex nope dilaudid for three hours I went broke and then I found methadone, So here sit writing a quick overview after reading Jasons weaning program and there is something I do not understand,.. Just before Thanksgiving I lost my pill bottle of 10mg ASC 116 (2 OR 3 A DAY) bumped with 20-40mg hydrocodone. 20mg Adderall with each 10mg methadone,
When day 3 hit me. It didnt just hit me. I have self-induced withdrawals to keep tolerances down, switched opiates every 30 to 60 days until I found methadone. OMG good lord. The with drawls from 30mg daily usage steady over the last year put me in a place at 54 years old I will never return to. No one knows that I could turn to but my mother who I have seen in 10 years. What a man Mommy come get me, Im going to kill myself if you dont., I made her drive at 73 years old 12 hours to come get me! Gun barrels in my mouth slip knots around neck looking for the sleeper hold, for some weak a** reason, I didnt have the courage. I was more worried about someone have to clean up my rotting body. Ironically a stash bottle I could find that I knew I had hidden somewhere in the house I found 45 minutes before her arrival. After a week of her saying I dont know what to do, I am going to leave, what is the problem you seem fine to me. She left.
Okay babbble babble babble what the hey kind of methadone are you guys taking when you are talking about 100's of mg daily? Huh? The post above me 30 mg and stop, not if you are talking the same methadone I am will you be able to go cold turkey then again., Its not like I run around conducting surveys. I only know what I know and have heard stories from people on real pain management regimens where they rotate the opiates for tolerance reasons and each if not all have said that methadone is by far the most psychotic mind altering withdrawal they had experienced which I now can attest to and am scared to death to put myself into a 30 day program. Weaning off 30mg after what I just experienced? No way
The irony in all this is that I want my nicotine addiction addressed and taken care of first. I swear if they would just induce a coma while I withdrawal from the nicotine and methadone, I believe that I am strong willed enough to stay clean.
I figure I got one shot at this and with the way insurance works ., It took me 15 years to get here, no 30, 60 , 90 day program is going to straighten out my screwed up wiring. If I was younger and could be assured the physical withdrawal symptoms could be addressed I would sign up for boot camp, because I need to get back to the basics,
Honestly. I almost feel like I should go commit some crime, where they put me in a rubber room stripped for a couple of weeks and I should come out ok. At least I think I will.
I am seriously jammed up after reading Jason's story. There are only so many hours in the day and interviewing these rehabs with my Type AAA+ personality isn't getting me anywhere. All they want is my insurance info and Im not giving that. I am the customer and I am right. Hahahaha. Seriously though. Wish I could do the Mayo clinic.
I am so sick of thinking about it and now talking about it with a dozen rehabs, yeah I wanna sit in a group of whoever and listen to bladder shy guys. I just want to be detoxed from nicotine and methadone, a regular schedule with drill sergeant who will take my personal responsibilities and make sure I get my productivity back up to where it should be. I got up at 7 am texted my GF told her I would be there between 12-2pm. I got there at 5 pm and I can't honestly say what the hell I did all day other than I took 2 showers cause I was a sweaty mess trying to put all the things together to get to her house on time. I got there, yep and now it is 4:20am in the morning. And I know I have to sleep, so a couple diphenhydramine over the counter sleep aids. 2 Xanax bars a couple hydrocodone, if Take them now, I'll wake about 8-9am and start this circle jerk all over again. HELP!!!!!
Yikes! I need a clarification regarding methadone.. I'm a 54 year old male who just upgraded individual health insurance and after the last 2 years of soul searching picked 1-1-16 as the point where I tie up as much and many loose ends as I can and throw myself into a an inpatient for treatment of a triple or quadruple probably more like an infinite diagnosis of chemical dependency combined with a myriad of psychological issues depending on who I want to be any given day. There is nothing wrong with me Im just a typical manipulative drug addict who that plays his personality as quirky eccentricity.
I consider myself a functioning drug addict. On the other hand I was a functioning addict. I am sick of the one foot nailed to the floor while the other spins me around like a Kansas twister. Likely ying and yang, or what goes up must come down, or I got lots of luck,, all bad luck now, when it was always good, Ive been fortunate and relatively successful. Depending on who you ask and how you measure and whether "success" is even important, to who? Them? Me? You? I wanna go live life below Zero and be on the Nat Geo channel eating seal blubber.
I've been self-medicating off on and on since fourteen years of age. Flowers in my hair, windowpane in the fall. In my twenties, I learned to procure P2P and rode that train till Pablo made Disco Ducks out of the hip crowd, conformed to the norm with 2 1/2 kids, weekend house Dog and divorced after 9 years of 1.75l vodka per week. My kids in their twenties now, one an ivy leaguer, Deans list every semester, the other skis the winter golfs the summers away.
So ... 15 years or so, after surgery for torn ACL i found opiates that I had somehow managed to avoid. I found a 5-10mg hydrocodone, oxy, Percocet here or there when i was out of steam. (Probably the whole Low T thing) pop one in the afternoon and I was off and running strong in the rat race, so much better than coffee.
10 years ago - I'd moved into daily use, Doc shop, went to psychs and found out I was ADHD squared, 4- 20mg Adderall to level me out from the opiates which hyped me up .,
5 years ago, Friends I went to school with could write the scripts, at this point I realized.. Uh roh. Let the downhill slide begin, Shopping the street, learned the dark side of the web. Got introduced to horse riding, East coast quality at bulk levels unbelievable small amounts. 2-5mg specs of dust. No wonder so many kids quit breathing. Dumbass dealers cut that crap- you guys are killing theses stupid kids. Oooops I passed a mirror and realized wtf!
So bupe - nope subutex nope dilaudid for three hours I went broke and then I found methadone, So here sit writing a quick overview after reading Jasons weaning program and there is something I do not understand,.. Just before Thanksgiving I lost my pill bottle of 10mg ASC 116 (2 OR 3 A DAY) bumped with 20-40mg hydrocodone. 20mg Adderall with each 10mg methadone,
When day 3 hit me. It didnt just hit me. I have self-induced withdrawals to keep tolerances down, switched opiates every 30 to 60 days until I found methadone. OMG good lord. The with drawls from 30mg daily usage steady over the last year put me in a place at 54 years old I will never return to. No one knows that I could turn to but my mother who I have seen in 10 years. What a man Mommy come get me, Im going to kill myself if you dont., I made her drive at 73 years old 12 hours to come get me! Gun barrels in my mouth slip knots around neck looking for the sleeper hold, for some weak a** reason, I didnt have the courage. I was more worried about someone have to clean up my rotting body. Ironically a stash bottle I could find that I knew I had hidden somewhere in the house I found 45 minutes before her arrival. After a week of her saying I dont know what to do, I am going to leave, what is the problem you seem fine to me. She left.
Okay babbble babble babble what the hey kind of methadone are you guys taking when you are talking about 100's of mg daily? Huh? The post above me 30 mg and stop, not if you are talking the same methadone I am will you be able to go cold turkey then again., Its not like I run around conducting surveys. I only know what I know and have heard stories from people on real pain management regimens where they rotate the opiates for tolerance reasons and each if not all have said that methadone is by far the most psychotic mind altering withdrawal they had experienced which I now can attest to and am scared to death to put myself into a 30 day program. Weaning off 30mg after what I just experienced? No way
The irony in all this is that I want my nicotine addiction addressed and taken care of first. I swear if they would just induce a coma while I withdrawal from the nicotine and methadone, I believe that I am strong willed enough to stay clean.
I figure I got one shot at this and with the way insurance works ., It took me 15 years to get here, no 30, 60 , 90 day program is going to straighten out my screwed up wiring. If I was younger and could be assured the physical withdrawal symptoms could be addressed I would sign up for boot camp, because I need to get back to the basics,
Honestly. I almost feel like I should go commit some crime, where they put me in a rubber room stripped for a couple of weeks and I should come out ok. At least I think I will.
I am seriously jammed up after reading Jason's story. There are only so many hours in the day and interviewing these rehabs with my Type AAA+ personality isn't getting me anywhere. All they want is my insurance info and Im not giving that. I am the customer and I am right. Hahahaha. Seriously though. Wish I could do the Mayo clinic.
I am so sick of thinking about it and now talking about it with a dozen rehabs, yeah I wanna sit in a group of whoever and listen to bladder shy guys. I just want to be detoxed from nicotine and methadone, a regular schedule with drill sergeant who will take my personal responsibilities and make sure I get my productivity back up to where it should be. I got up at 7 am texted my GF told her I would be there between 12-2pm. I got there at 5 pm and I can't honestly say what the hell I did all day other than I took 2 showers cause I was a sweaty mess trying to put all the things together to get to her house on time. I got there, yep and now it is 4:20am in the morning. And I know I have to sleep, so a couple diphenhydramine over the counter sleep aids. 2 Xanax bars a couple hydrocodone, if Take them now, I'll wake about 8-9am and start this circle jerk all over again. HELP!!!!!
forgot to wish everyone a happy holiday and a better newyear
14mg subutex
I had the best Christmas I have had I think ever! I spent all day with my son who I see all the time now. My life is so good right now. I thank God I'm not the arrogant, cocky, judgmental, resentful, uncompassionate man I use to be. I'm a new man and I've changed so much. It's been seven years now since the change started. The changes I've gone through over these years have been the hardest years of my life. With real change comes loss, suffering, and pain. I've faced all those things hidden deep in me. I'm finally a person who loves myself just as I am. I know all my problems are not my fault, but they are mine to work with. I thank God for the kind, compassionate, and caring people I have in my life. Without these people and God I would be strung out somewhere lonely, probably still cocky, with a bunch of people who care nothing about me.
I had the best Christmas I have had I think ever! I spent all day with my son who I see all the time now. My life is so good right now. I thank God I'm not the arrogant, cocky, judgmental, resentful, uncompassionate man I use to be. I'm a new man and I've changed so much. It's been seven years now since the change started. The changes I've gone through over these years have been the hardest years of my life. With real change comes loss, suffering, and pain. I've faced all those things hidden deep in me. I'm finally a person who loves myself just as I am. I know all my problems are not my fault, but they are mine to work with. I thank God for the kind, compassionate, and caring people I have in my life. Without these people and God I would be strung out somewhere lonely, probably still cocky, with a bunch of people who care nothing about me.
14mg Subutex
I'm going to be so grateful the day I walk out of the clinic forever. It's been a long journey. I thank God for all the side effects that I had. I thank God how awful the clinic experience has been. I thank God for the sad little counselors. I use to live with a methadone counselor actually and he was a weirdo. You never know what peoples lives are really like outside of their little offices in the clinic. But, I got to witness first hand his life and hear about the other counselors lives! Scary! It's funny how the government puts all this red tape around methadone. It's does little, but waste peoples time and energy in forced counseling, cheating, lying, and old behaviors. It's hard enough finding a good therapist with a PHD or Masters degree. It makes since why the methadone counselors are so ignorant. I have learned over my life to use wise discernment because what many say is garbage. It doesn't matter if it's a doctor, lawyer, rocket scientist, or janitor a lot of what is said it untrue. I thank God for this revelation I've had because I use to take way to much of what people said to heart. In fact, it was one of my biggest character defects. It doesn't matter what another opinion is! My faith has also been wonderful because what the Word tells me it the truth and I know I can rest on it with assurance!
Grateful today again!!!
I'm going to be so grateful the day I walk out of the clinic forever. It's been a long journey. I thank God for all the side effects that I had. I thank God how awful the clinic experience has been. I thank God for the sad little counselors. I use to live with a methadone counselor actually and he was a weirdo. You never know what peoples lives are really like outside of their little offices in the clinic. But, I got to witness first hand his life and hear about the other counselors lives! Scary! It's funny how the government puts all this red tape around methadone. It's does little, but waste peoples time and energy in forced counseling, cheating, lying, and old behaviors. It's hard enough finding a good therapist with a PHD or Masters degree. It makes since why the methadone counselors are so ignorant. I have learned over my life to use wise discernment because what many say is garbage. It doesn't matter if it's a doctor, lawyer, rocket scientist, or janitor a lot of what is said it untrue. I thank God for this revelation I've had because I use to take way to much of what people said to heart. In fact, it was one of my biggest character defects. It doesn't matter what another opinion is! My faith has also been wonderful because what the Word tells me it the truth and I know I can rest on it with assurance!
Grateful today again!!!
Hi Jason,
Thank you so much for your posts. I have been on methadone for 4 years and i feel like i got tricked onto it. it is a scam to get these clinics to make money off of us. now i am so scared of the detox but I am facing alot of issues in NA because I am on it. thinking about maybe going to AA where they are most accepting and loving. I feel as long as I am not abusing something that is prescribed than I am sober and clean but that is not how NA views it. I have come down a lot from 120 now on 70mg. please keep posting your tapers
Thank you so much for your posts. I have been on methadone for 4 years and i feel like i got tricked onto it. it is a scam to get these clinics to make money off of us. now i am so scared of the detox but I am facing alot of issues in NA because I am on it. thinking about maybe going to AA where they are most accepting and loving. I feel as long as I am not abusing something that is prescribed than I am sober and clean but that is not how NA views it. I have come down a lot from 120 now on 70mg. please keep posting your tapers
12mg subutex!!!
199 pounds!!!
Happy New Year everyone! I feel so good and waking up this morning was a miracle. I mean I felt good waking up. I'm so excited about this year. I have been really fighting for sobriety for 7 years now. I have had a year clean straight, 8 months, 10 months, and the list goes on. But, the wonderful thing is I've been changing the entire time!! I've been working on me through God's power to change.
Nessa, you have made it a long ways already! What you have accomplished getting to 70mg you should be very proud of. Only my sponsor knows that I'm on a medication right now. The methadone and subutex can help. I believe they can be used as a tool. They break the vicious cycle and give you time to get doing normal life. They actually help the brain repair from the up' and downs of getting high and then going into withdraw so much. With that said you can see that I don't believe in the long term solution. The clinic's care about one thing and it's money. I learned that I have to take charge of my own life. It's between me and God now. No one else matters! You will find negative people in every program. Even when you get off methadone and are totally clean and have even a year you will have some hater make negative comments of whatever. For me I realize there are only so many people who truly care about me and my sobriety. Some in the rooms of AA would love to see me fail just to be right about their opinions of me i'm sure. But, I use these things for even more power to keep doing everything I'm told to do. I know it sounds crazy, but I'd rather die fighting for a clean life than life for 40 more years on methadone!!!!!! I hate methadone honestly. I had so many horrible side effects. Now that I've done the transfer it's amazing how much better I feel! Once I'm off everything it's going to be amazing I know it because I'll be fully alive again. Don't forget how strong you are! You are stronger than you could even imagine. Don't listen to the lies about how hard it's going to be. Fill yourself with the truth, which is you can do it with God watching and being with you through every second. Ya your going to feel some feelings, but you can do it. I'm not out of the woods yet by any means. But, I know as a fact I will be and I know that no that I'm not scared of any withdraw. If fear creeps in, then great, it gives me a chance to lean on God.
There is NO courage without Fear!
God Bless every soul that wants to be free from the grip of methadone on their lives!
199 pounds!!!
Happy New Year everyone! I feel so good and waking up this morning was a miracle. I mean I felt good waking up. I'm so excited about this year. I have been really fighting for sobriety for 7 years now. I have had a year clean straight, 8 months, 10 months, and the list goes on. But, the wonderful thing is I've been changing the entire time!! I've been working on me through God's power to change.
Nessa, you have made it a long ways already! What you have accomplished getting to 70mg you should be very proud of. Only my sponsor knows that I'm on a medication right now. The methadone and subutex can help. I believe they can be used as a tool. They break the vicious cycle and give you time to get doing normal life. They actually help the brain repair from the up' and downs of getting high and then going into withdraw so much. With that said you can see that I don't believe in the long term solution. The clinic's care about one thing and it's money. I learned that I have to take charge of my own life. It's between me and God now. No one else matters! You will find negative people in every program. Even when you get off methadone and are totally clean and have even a year you will have some hater make negative comments of whatever. For me I realize there are only so many people who truly care about me and my sobriety. Some in the rooms of AA would love to see me fail just to be right about their opinions of me i'm sure. But, I use these things for even more power to keep doing everything I'm told to do. I know it sounds crazy, but I'd rather die fighting for a clean life than life for 40 more years on methadone!!!!!! I hate methadone honestly. I had so many horrible side effects. Now that I've done the transfer it's amazing how much better I feel! Once I'm off everything it's going to be amazing I know it because I'll be fully alive again. Don't forget how strong you are! You are stronger than you could even imagine. Don't listen to the lies about how hard it's going to be. Fill yourself with the truth, which is you can do it with God watching and being with you through every second. Ya your going to feel some feelings, but you can do it. I'm not out of the woods yet by any means. But, I know as a fact I will be and I know that no that I'm not scared of any withdraw. If fear creeps in, then great, it gives me a chance to lean on God.
There is NO courage without Fear!
God Bless every soul that wants to be free from the grip of methadone on their lives!
12mg sub
One thing I know is NEVER give up. Never throw in the towel. It's not about the fight it' about how much fight you have in you! Everything good in life you have to work for. Sobriety is no different in my mind. I've been fighting hard for 7 years! I have been knocked down and beat up good and kept getting back up. The progress I have made is a miracle. I believe it's over for ever. Of course, I live just a day at a time. But, it's almost over! The methadone clinics are almost over!! The hell and misery of being addicted is over! I'm so grateful again today. I take a hot bath and just thank God for the luxury of being able to do it. I see handicaps and thank God for my health! I could go on and on, but my spirit is in a state of gratitude a lot. When I have my down days, situations, interactions or whatever I go into prayer and turn towards gratitude again.
Happy New Year! It was a great day yesterday for me and I started my first day of the new year in an AA meeting and then met with my sponsor over breakfast! The joy I have isn't from anything external like a new girl, car, house, cloths or anything. I just have good feelings, excitement, and drive. I also have been experiencing a sense of piece! I was driving looking at the horizon and had a spiritual experience. I was apart of the world. I mean I was present in the world and a natural high was over me. It's hard to explain, but you can't get the experience from any drug! It's like I got a little taste of heaven or something.
One thing I know is NEVER give up. Never throw in the towel. It's not about the fight it' about how much fight you have in you! Everything good in life you have to work for. Sobriety is no different in my mind. I've been fighting hard for 7 years! I have been knocked down and beat up good and kept getting back up. The progress I have made is a miracle. I believe it's over for ever. Of course, I live just a day at a time. But, it's almost over! The methadone clinics are almost over!! The hell and misery of being addicted is over! I'm so grateful again today. I take a hot bath and just thank God for the luxury of being able to do it. I see handicaps and thank God for my health! I could go on and on, but my spirit is in a state of gratitude a lot. When I have my down days, situations, interactions or whatever I go into prayer and turn towards gratitude again.
Happy New Year! It was a great day yesterday for me and I started my first day of the new year in an AA meeting and then met with my sponsor over breakfast! The joy I have isn't from anything external like a new girl, car, house, cloths or anything. I just have good feelings, excitement, and drive. I also have been experiencing a sense of piece! I was driving looking at the horizon and had a spiritual experience. I was apart of the world. I mean I was present in the world and a natural high was over me. It's hard to explain, but you can't get the experience from any drug! It's like I got a little taste of heaven or something.
Jason!!
You're doing it,and you deserve a big pat on the back son!!
keep it up,and putting your experiences out there helps others...I'm following your progress and happy to hear about your days...QE1
You're doing it,and you deserve a big pat on the back son!!
keep it up,and putting your experiences out there helps others...I'm following your progress and happy to hear about your days...QE1
Granny 23,
I have to say that I respect your experience and replies...You're honest,open,and say it straight up
A methadone advocate who really knows her stuff...Thank you.QE1
I have to say that I respect your experience and replies...You're honest,open,and say it straight up
A methadone advocate who really knows her stuff...Thank you.QE1
10mg subutex - feel great and the tapering of 2mg a week is nothing compared to the methadone!
Thanks you Queen every little bit of encouragement and true caring means so much.
I met today with my sponsor as I do every week. I now am attending a small group every other week at a mans house and we are studying the big book. But, it's a Christian group and we are going through the recovery bible. I'm attending about 3 or 4 aa meetings a week, reading daily in bible and recovery books, praying a lot, and going to church. I'm continuing to workout about 4 to 5 times a week and it's very important. After working out I always feel so good. My mind and spirit continue to be in a state of gratitude.
Today I'm going out to dinner to celebrate my brothers life! He passed away 7 years ago. He had been clean for 18months. He started to gamble a little bit for fun. The gambling led to a drink and the drink led to using. He hadn't used for so long that his tolerance was next to nothing and he overdosed and died. I thank God for having him in my life when I did. I loved him with everything I had. I would have died for him easy. We loved each other deeply and never hurt each other. I can't wait to see him again. I thank God for His promises because that hope He gives me keeps me happy and joyful.
I pray for every addict suffering in the world today! I really feel for everyone of them because I know it's a living hell once in the late stages of addiction!
God bless everyone!!!
Thanks you Queen every little bit of encouragement and true caring means so much.
I met today with my sponsor as I do every week. I now am attending a small group every other week at a mans house and we are studying the big book. But, it's a Christian group and we are going through the recovery bible. I'm attending about 3 or 4 aa meetings a week, reading daily in bible and recovery books, praying a lot, and going to church. I'm continuing to workout about 4 to 5 times a week and it's very important. After working out I always feel so good. My mind and spirit continue to be in a state of gratitude.
Today I'm going out to dinner to celebrate my brothers life! He passed away 7 years ago. He had been clean for 18months. He started to gamble a little bit for fun. The gambling led to a drink and the drink led to using. He hadn't used for so long that his tolerance was next to nothing and he overdosed and died. I thank God for having him in my life when I did. I loved him with everything I had. I would have died for him easy. We loved each other deeply and never hurt each other. I can't wait to see him again. I thank God for His promises because that hope He gives me keeps me happy and joyful.
I pray for every addict suffering in the world today! I really feel for everyone of them because I know it's a living hell once in the late stages of addiction!
God bless everyone!!!
Regular meetings, Big Book study, becoming teachable and grateful will serve us well.
All the best.
Bob R
All the best.
Bob R
8mg subutex
I'm feeling fine and so far going down on sub's I haven't felt anything. I know going forward it may have a bigger punch, but I'm keeping my eye's on the Lord through these trials ahead. I'm looking at this as an opportunity to make me stronger. Perseverance!
I'm feeling fine and so far going down on sub's I haven't felt anything. I know going forward it may have a bigger punch, but I'm keeping my eye's on the Lord through these trials ahead. I'm looking at this as an opportunity to make me stronger. Perseverance!
Surrender and humility will save you.
I need direction more than I need perseverance.
Usually I truly don't know what is good for me and I'm too proud/scared to ask.
All the best.
Bob R
I need direction more than I need perseverance.
Usually I truly don't know what is good for me and I'm too proud/scared to ask.
All the best.
Bob R
8mg subutex
I feel good except I'm waking really early now. I was sleeping until 5am, but now I'm up at 3:30am. Also, I realized I'm sort of nervous. Actually, I am nervous more than normal. At my meeting this morning I felt nervous for no reason. It's ok, but it's really uncomfortable to sit there and just be nervous. I prayed and I feel fine when I'm just talking one on one or whatever. I'm going to my GP on Friday and I'm going to talk with him. I was experiencing extreme anxiety when I was coming down on methadone! I mean it was so serious I was dripping sweat down my back and virtually shaking with nervousness. He put my on Zoloft, which worked great. I mean it has made a world of difference. But, I'm going to see if maybe he needs to up my dose which I'm going through this. Eventually after I'm off the subutex for a year or so I'll taper down off it. But, if my anxiety is to high I'll just stay on that. I think possibly I've had an anxiety disorder my entire life and I treated it with drugs and alk. If I reflect back even to high school and junior high I had high anxiety in certain situations. My childhood definitely contributed to this. I won't go into detail, but it was anything but stable loving and peaceful. The good things is I'm now taking the right steps and seeking and asking for help rather than ignoring these things and ending back self medicating myself.
I feel good except I'm waking really early now. I was sleeping until 5am, but now I'm up at 3:30am. Also, I realized I'm sort of nervous. Actually, I am nervous more than normal. At my meeting this morning I felt nervous for no reason. It's ok, but it's really uncomfortable to sit there and just be nervous. I prayed and I feel fine when I'm just talking one on one or whatever. I'm going to my GP on Friday and I'm going to talk with him. I was experiencing extreme anxiety when I was coming down on methadone! I mean it was so serious I was dripping sweat down my back and virtually shaking with nervousness. He put my on Zoloft, which worked great. I mean it has made a world of difference. But, I'm going to see if maybe he needs to up my dose which I'm going through this. Eventually after I'm off the subutex for a year or so I'll taper down off it. But, if my anxiety is to high I'll just stay on that. I think possibly I've had an anxiety disorder my entire life and I treated it with drugs and alk. If I reflect back even to high school and junior high I had high anxiety in certain situations. My childhood definitely contributed to this. I won't go into detail, but it was anything but stable loving and peaceful. The good things is I'm now taking the right steps and seeking and asking for help rather than ignoring these things and ending back self medicating myself.
This is my experience coming off of methadone. I am 27 years old, and was addicted to opiates for two years before getting on methadone. I was on methadone for 2 years, and started tapering. when coming off methadone you should ween off slowly, but the real shock is when you are off completely, even if you are jumping off at a very low mg. Methadone is very strong, and has a long half life. If you get off at a low dose your withdrawls will not be as intense as shorter acting opiates, but they will last much longer. I have been off methadone for 10 months. My body is not yet back to homeostasis. It really took a toll on my body. I was always very healthy, and athletic. My muscles wasted away, and I have been having problems with my sinuses, and my nervous system feels revved up. I suppose this is due to opiates effects on your immune and nervous system. They supress it, so its only natural for it to have an adverse effect when coming off. I have been working out to build endorphins and to rebuild muscle. I suppose that is where the myth that methadone shrinks your bones comes from. It actually is the muscles, and this only happened after I got off. My boyfriend was on methadone as well, and he also experienced the muscle wasting when coming off. I cant believe I never saw anyone else mention this as a side effect. Another important thing when coming off is to make sure you are being treated for mental illness if you have one. I am bipolar, and self medication is one of the main things that got me into this mess in the first place. During withdrawl any mental illness will be exacerbated. So, it is important to be medicated properly. PAWS is real, and it takes time for the body to heal. I'm still healing, and have high hopes for a brighter future.
8mg sub's
Thank you for the experience. I'm working with a GP monthly actually. I did have to get Zoloft because I was experiencing major depression and anxiety when I was coming down on methadone. My body wasted away also! I gained about 40 pounds and when I restarted going to the gym I couldn't believe how weak I was! I was using like 50 pound dumbbells to do bench. Once I switched to subutex and had been working out for about 3 months I'm back up to 80's. My body is waking up big time in everyway! Also, my sleep is getting less and I'm dreaming like mad. If I start to experience anything that suggests I anything for my mental health I will talk to my doctor right away. The Zoloft has worked great for my anxiety and depression. But, now that I've gotten even lower I noticed a return to the anxiety. The anxiety is not coming from anything in my life. Just sitting in the AA room with 50 people can create some. Although, I've been called on a lot to talk in my meetings and I do great with no nervousness after I begin talking. Also, I have been asked to do the readings and I've done good with that to. Before Zoloft when I was coming down off methadone I had so much anxiety my heart would be jumping up and down, my breath short, and voice shaky if needed to read or speak. I thank God for the US and doctors and medication. I know I self medicated all my life. That's fine, but it quit working over time...
Thank you for the experience. I'm working with a GP monthly actually. I did have to get Zoloft because I was experiencing major depression and anxiety when I was coming down on methadone. My body wasted away also! I gained about 40 pounds and when I restarted going to the gym I couldn't believe how weak I was! I was using like 50 pound dumbbells to do bench. Once I switched to subutex and had been working out for about 3 months I'm back up to 80's. My body is waking up big time in everyway! Also, my sleep is getting less and I'm dreaming like mad. If I start to experience anything that suggests I anything for my mental health I will talk to my doctor right away. The Zoloft has worked great for my anxiety and depression. But, now that I've gotten even lower I noticed a return to the anxiety. The anxiety is not coming from anything in my life. Just sitting in the AA room with 50 people can create some. Although, I've been called on a lot to talk in my meetings and I do great with no nervousness after I begin talking. Also, I have been asked to do the readings and I've done good with that to. Before Zoloft when I was coming down off methadone I had so much anxiety my heart would be jumping up and down, my breath short, and voice shaky if needed to read or speak. I thank God for the US and doctors and medication. I know I self medicated all my life. That's fine, but it quit working over time...
8mg subs
199 pounds
Well yesterday my GP told me I would never make it. He just went through soboxone training and the clinic up the road is opening up 3 doctors to prescribe it. He tried telling me the visit before that I have a disease and have no choice but it be on a replacement. Otherwise I will use heroin. I told him that he will never convince me that I have lost free will and will pick up no matter what. Furthermore, I'm in AA and we do admit powerlessness. But, we believe in a power greater than ourselves to keep us from drinking/using or whatever addiction it is.
I'm not listening to either doctor. I'm not listening to the methadone counselor who has said so many false things to me. I know because I've been through these things and she has no clue.
I'm listening to God and Him only going forward. I will listen to my sponsor and other wise counsel I trust and then make my own discernment and decision based on multiple feedbacks along with prayer. But, I'm NOT listening to doctors tell me I have no choice. I'm not listening to the statistics. I'm pressing forward believing all things are possible with God.
I'm rather die fighting to live a good clean life than die fat, tired weak, unmotivated, single, limp, depressed, and sad on methadone! It was that bad for me at the end. Subutex has changed my life already from that methadone.
I'm waking up real early now that I've gone down 3weeks in a row. That's really the only thing that's effected me since going down on the sub's. But, I know i'm getting lower and the impact will be greater. Again, I'm going to trust God through each day.
199 pounds
Well yesterday my GP told me I would never make it. He just went through soboxone training and the clinic up the road is opening up 3 doctors to prescribe it. He tried telling me the visit before that I have a disease and have no choice but it be on a replacement. Otherwise I will use heroin. I told him that he will never convince me that I have lost free will and will pick up no matter what. Furthermore, I'm in AA and we do admit powerlessness. But, we believe in a power greater than ourselves to keep us from drinking/using or whatever addiction it is.
I'm not listening to either doctor. I'm not listening to the methadone counselor who has said so many false things to me. I know because I've been through these things and she has no clue.
I'm listening to God and Him only going forward. I will listen to my sponsor and other wise counsel I trust and then make my own discernment and decision based on multiple feedbacks along with prayer. But, I'm NOT listening to doctors tell me I have no choice. I'm not listening to the statistics. I'm pressing forward believing all things are possible with God.
I'm rather die fighting to live a good clean life than die fat, tired weak, unmotivated, single, limp, depressed, and sad on methadone! It was that bad for me at the end. Subutex has changed my life already from that methadone.
I'm waking up real early now that I've gone down 3weeks in a row. That's really the only thing that's effected me since going down on the sub's. But, I know i'm getting lower and the impact will be greater. Again, I'm going to trust God through each day.
8mg sub
Well yesterday I felt like I'd been knocked out. I slept like 8 hours yesterday and then fell asleep around 9pm. I was up at 2am then today. I can't wait to be free. I know I have to work on one day at a time right now.
Well yesterday I felt like I'd been knocked out. I slept like 8 hours yesterday and then fell asleep around 9pm. I was up at 2am then today. I can't wait to be free. I know I have to work on one day at a time right now.
