oh my god that was hilarious man a desk job doesnt ever have jelly fish in the butt dilemas....
i have utterly enjoyed all of the posts you are so right we all need a laugh once in a while actually all the time but no one takes time for that
thank you so much...
also if you want a good laugh try
www.theonion.com good funny "news" stories
anyway thank you again
~Adam A
You are most welcome Adam, and since I do not know you yet, I would like to say hi, but now you have to post one. You MUST have a joke that we could get a tickle from.....
Huggles
Lady M
Huggles
Lady M
Dear Lady M,
Thanks for those, they were really funny.
Your friend
Nancy
Thanks for those, they were really funny.
Your friend
Nancy
You are more than welcome Nancy..... Thank you for taking the time to read them, and then to tell me you liked them..... Maybe we could all learn to love and laugh instead of fight and cry. I hope so, I am really enjoying this, hearing people say thank you, and to know that you all are smiling right now, make my heart sing. Thank you all for reading these today, and maybe we could keep it going..... I have seen what a post like this can do for other people, and it really is fun, and a good thing.
Huggles
Lady M
Huggles
Lady M
why to Scott's men wear kilts??
because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!!!! hahahahaha
please if you are Scotish don't take offence its just a joke
because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!!!! hahahahaha
please if you are Scotish don't take offence its just a joke
hey lady...
i am usually in the heroin board...look me up "adam a"
i dont have a good joke and actually anytime anyone asks for a joke the only one i can remember is a really bad one that is not funny
but here goes anyway...
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor???
Where's my tractor?
see i told you so...
sorry for putting everyone through that but i still get a kick out of it...it is probably situational that i think it is funny but anyway
~Adam A
i am usually in the heroin board...look me up "adam a"
i dont have a good joke and actually anytime anyone asks for a joke the only one i can remember is a really bad one that is not funny
but here goes anyway...
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor???
Where's my tractor?
see i told you so...
sorry for putting everyone through that but i still get a kick out of it...it is probably situational that i think it is funny but anyway
~Adam A
LOL ROTFLMAO thank you Adam, and welcome to the pills board, I did think it was funny, and I think it is great that you tried. Thanks again.
Lady M
Lady M
i do what i can...
did you check out the onion website?
that thing cracks me up
ooo i have another one
confusius say...
man who walk on plane sideways
is going to bangcock.
how about that one...
thanks for welcoming me i actually could be on all of the boards on here but heroin was my biggest foe, if you will...
~Adam A
did you check out the onion website?
that thing cracks me up
ooo i have another one
confusius say...
man who walk on plane sideways
is going to bangcock.
how about that one...
thanks for welcoming me i actually could be on all of the boards on here but heroin was my biggest foe, if you will...
~Adam A
well, I guess we are sort of the same....opiates are opiates whether they are legal or not. We still share a similar DOC. Anyhoo, you get help and friendship where ever you can as far as I am concerned. I feel that anyone who is trying to better their life, is okay by me, and I can never have too many firends. I hope you keep hanging around, I would like to get to know you better. God bless...
Huggles
Lady M
Huggles
Lady M
well i will be around i am not leaving i wish i would have known about this three years ago it would have made my life a lot easier. or at least a little less bleak.. if you look up my name you can get more info on me and my recovery.
once again thank you for the laughs
i really needed that
i hope you are doing well yourself
keep your chin up...its easier to see heaven that way
~Adam A
once again thank you for the laughs
i really needed that
i hope you are doing well yourself
keep your chin up...its easier to see heaven that way
~Adam A
Lady M ,
Thanks for the posts, saw this a while ago, and since I am not in the first flush of youth it tickled me:
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and, after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one says: "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man says: "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says to his companion: "Aahh, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?" His friend replies: "A carnation?" "No, no. The other one," the man says. His friend offers another suggestion: "The poppy?" "Nahhhh," growls the man.
"You know - the one that is red and has thorns." His friend says: "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes! Thank you!" the first man says.
He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Thanks for the posts, saw this a while ago, and since I am not in the first flush of youth it tickled me:
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and, after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one says: "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man says: "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says to his companion: "Aahh, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?" His friend replies: "A carnation?" "No, no. The other one," the man says. His friend offers another suggestion: "The poppy?" "Nahhhh," growls the man.
"You know - the one that is red and has thorns." His friend says: "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes! Thank you!" the first man says.
He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
I have totally enjoyed all the jokes......thanks to everyone....let's see if my joke will get a few laughs..
How To Call The Police:
George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "is someone in your house?" and he said no.
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said okay, hung up, counted to 30 and phoned the police again.
Hello. I just called a you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all. Then hung up.
Within 5 minutes three police cars, and armed response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
How To Call The Police:
George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "is someone in your house?" and he said no.
Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said okay, hung up, counted to 30 and phoned the police again.
Hello. I just called a you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all. Then hung up.
Within 5 minutes three police cars, and armed response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Another one for the Animal Lovers out there:
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE DOG:
The Dog says to himself
They feed me
They water me
They give me love
Therefore.....
They must be nice.
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CAT
The cat says to himself
They feed me
They water me
The give me love
Therefore.....
I must be nice.
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE DOG:
The Dog says to himself
They feed me
They water me
They give me love
Therefore.....
They must be nice.
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE CAT
The cat says to himself
They feed me
They water me
The give me love
Therefore.....
I must be nice.
i've had dogs and cats and that was so true
i wonder where cats get their arrogance??
i loved that police one
i love waking up to this board
thanks shay
~Adam A
i wonder where cats get their arrogance??
i loved that police one
i love waking up to this board
thanks shay
~Adam A
Here is another.....
Let me know if I should stop....
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping the the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turnded to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "HOney, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
"Dear, the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, I am so relieved you feel that way, becuase he just told me he thinks you are really cute."
Let me know if I should stop....
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping the the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turnded to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "HOney, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
"Dear, the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, I am so relieved you feel that way, becuase he just told me he thinks you are really cute."
You are so welcome Adam......I have been enjoying all of these myself.....It feels wonderful to laugh.....I haven't done that in what seems like forever.....
Anyway I'm glad you are enjoying them as well.........
Anyway I'm glad you are enjoying them as well.........
Here is another....Lady M...I am sorry...now that I have started, not sure if I can stop.....lol....
This is not intended to offend anyone out there.....but I had a good laugh with it....
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba, "Earl said. We'll just pull over and finish drinkin these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin, OK!" said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin?"
"No sir," Earl said. "We're on the Patch."
This is not intended to offend anyone out there.....but I had a good laugh with it....
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba, "Earl said. We'll just pull over and finish drinkin these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin, OK!" said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin?"
"No sir," Earl said. "We're on the Patch."
WOOHOOO.... You all are getting the idea. This warms my heart to see people here and posting their own. This is the best medicine in the world, and guess what? Its free. No bickering, and nothing but fun and laughs. Thank You All So Much! We needed a break, and now we have a place to go for it. Keep on with it everyone.....thanks again.......keep on going Shay....I am lmao....
keeping with the spirit of things...............
Doctors Doin' The Dirty!
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers.
They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors.
After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey, how about if we
sleep together tonight? No strings attached. It'll just be one night of
fun."
The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in
the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like
she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10
minutes.
Finally she goes in the bedroom, and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterward, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started."
"Oh, that makes sense," says the woman. "You're an anesthesiologist,
aren't you?"
"Yeah," says the man, a bit surprised. "How did you know?"
"Because I didn't feel a thing."
keeping with the spirit of things...............
Doctors Doin' The Dirty!
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers.
They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors.
After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey, how about if we
sleep together tonight? No strings attached. It'll just be one night of
fun."
The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in
the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like
she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10
minutes.
Finally she goes in the bedroom, and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterward, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started."
"Oh, that makes sense," says the woman. "You're an anesthesiologist,
aren't you?"
"Yeah," says the man, a bit surprised. "How did you know?"
"Because I didn't feel a thing."
heres a few funny signs...
1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."
2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."
4.In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"
5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."
6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."
8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
10.In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if you have had a boss...
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the a$$hole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the a****** being the Boss. So the a$$hole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the a$$hole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the s**t!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss - any a$$hole will do.
~Adam A
1.Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming."
2.Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
3.On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."
4.In a veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"
5.At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."
6.On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
7.In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."
8.Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
9.In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
10.In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if you have had a boss...
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the a$$hole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the a****** being the Boss. So the a$$hole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the a$$hole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the s**t!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss - any a$$hole will do.
~Adam A
I'm so happy that this recovery board has turned in to joke land, is this what recovery is to you that have posted here, a Joke? And not even original jokes at that.
