Not many people around me these days knows about my addiction and I just feel I need to tell someone that I am nearly 19 weeks off the gear and have been off the subs since August. It has seemed much longer but I am actually pleased this morning that on my first attempt after 14 years of using I can say I am clean at this current time. I get support from the few people that know about me now but otherwise all the support and encouragement I have had is from you guys on this board and myself. I feel like I need someone to carry me for a while as I am tired but I know that I am the only one that can do this for myself so I suppose I need to plod on one day at a time and keep my head up unless I want to go through all this again and I don't. I just hope that I am strong enough to beat this evil drug even though I have my days where I feel I may as well be using again. Anyway I don't want to ramble on.
Thanks to you all, always.
Becks
Becks, They say we need a full year clean until we really feel the way we are going to feel. I have 69 days now. The longer we are clean the longer we need to stay clean to see how it is to BE clean! We sure know what it's like to be using, don't we...been there done that! Let's just see what it's like to be clean, okay? What the f***! I actually went and had my eyes examined, my teeth cleaned and my blood work done for the first time in so long. I'm taking care of myself. We aren't out of the woods, or out of the post acute withdrawals for at least a year and maybe more, we don't just walk away from addictions like what we had, but we are both doing it and giving others hope that it CAN BE DONE! Plus you are off of Sub and people need info on that subject very much. Take care! CAS.
Becks,
You have ALL the power in the world to beat the beast. Yes its hard, all you want to do is what you have been used to doing. Above all, you want a better way of life. Just keep this in mind, the furthure you get away from it, the closer to NORMAL you will get. Keep doing what your doing because it obviously is working.
ALL THE BEST,
DARIN
You have ALL the power in the world to beat the beast. Yes its hard, all you want to do is what you have been used to doing. Above all, you want a better way of life. Just keep this in mind, the furthure you get away from it, the closer to NORMAL you will get. Keep doing what your doing because it obviously is working.
ALL THE BEST,
DARIN
KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DARIN
DARIN
Speaking of never getting this far. Im currently in a blind detox at my clinic.Which means that they are dropping me 3 to 5 mg,s every 3 to 4 weeks.
It hasnt been too long ,but I asked the nursing staff yesterday when I picked up my bottles what my dose was, and they wouldnt tell me without consent from my counsler.
I go to work early and dont have time to wait around for my counsler to come in ,and I never call them on the phone.
I guess Im feeling all right,maybe because Im thinking too much about it is f&*king with my head.
Sometimes the thought of not being on methadone after all these years,seeming duanting and unnessercery.
After all,Im doing all right in life and sometimes it just seems like I have things under control and dont need it come off.
Its just fear of the unknown-
thanks for all your support
jack
It hasnt been too long ,but I asked the nursing staff yesterday when I picked up my bottles what my dose was, and they wouldnt tell me without consent from my counsler.
I go to work early and dont have time to wait around for my counsler to come in ,and I never call them on the phone.
I guess Im feeling all right,maybe because Im thinking too much about it is f&*king with my head.
Sometimes the thought of not being on methadone after all these years,seeming duanting and unnessercery.
After all,Im doing all right in life and sometimes it just seems like I have things under control and dont need it come off.
Its just fear of the unknown-
thanks for all your support
jack
Jack,
Keep it up pal. I had that fear to but above all I wanted a NORMAL way of life.
I can understand your fear after being on so long but its been done before and you have the power to do it.
Best wishes,
DARIN
Keep it up pal. I had that fear to but above all I wanted a NORMAL way of life.
I can understand your fear after being on so long but its been done before and you have the power to do it.
Best wishes,
DARIN
WAY TO GO CAS!!!!!!
Sincerely,
DARIN
Sincerely,
DARIN
Jack, If you don't get off of methadone will it be a regret in your life? If it will be then keep making progress towards it. Your brian will do anything to keep you on it, but it's just an organ like our other organs and it wants what it wants...unfortunately it's a lot louder than our kidneys or even our stomachs, but it is just wanting what it feels it needs to stay alive. It's not a matter of anything except it's used to it, but it can live without the methadone...it just takes alot of effort to get there. We are all supportive of you whatever you do, buy what is it that YOU really want. You keep coming back to wanting to be off of it...at least that's what I hear directly and when I read between the lines. In your heart of hearts what is it that makes you want to be off of it and what makes you want tostay on it? Maybe if you write it to us it will untangle it in your head a little. I'm sure you've written about it before, but we have new thoughts everyday on so many different things. I'm taking my parrot to a nursing home on Monday...not to see the patients, though...really...it's a place where people can admire him FULL time without anywhere else to go! He needs a lot of attention! What did you think of the HBO program Mehthadonia? CAS.
CAS,
I missed that program, do you know when it will be on again?
DARIN
I missed that program, do you know when it will be on again?
DARIN
It is amazing how much strength you guys give me sometimes. You are all so encouraging and you don't even know me. I always find the weekends easier as I don't have the pressure of work so I am in a better mood today. I know that 19 weeks is not a long time but it is when I have not done it before. I need to give myself a pat on the back now and again cos there is no one else that does.
Jack I am sure if you really want to get off the juice you will do. It's just a matter of trying to be focused and strong enough to believe that life is better without it. It took me many years before I was ready to stop the gear. I stopped my juice script about 4 years ago now and since then just stuck to gear and pot mainly - but no juice. You have got to be pretty strong to stick to the juice and not use on top. Hats off to you.
Cheers again.
Becks
Jack I am sure if you really want to get off the juice you will do. It's just a matter of trying to be focused and strong enough to believe that life is better without it. It took me many years before I was ready to stop the gear. I stopped my juice script about 4 years ago now and since then just stuck to gear and pot mainly - but no juice. You have got to be pretty strong to stick to the juice and not use on top. Hats off to you.
Cheers again.
Becks
how did you decide to get clean, wake up one morning and say that's it or was it planed out more, i just like hearing the stories it makes me feel that im not alone in all this. and i found that im starting to get well its like emotional attached to you lot i never even seen you or meet you before but it like you my mates who i can confide in.
lee(woods33).
lee(woods33).
Hi Lee,
It took me 5 years to actually get off my own a*** and do something. I have always been at school, college or working. I have a good job now for over 5 years, a place of our own to live and a nice car. If I hadn't been using then I would have had so much more as well. I was also not eating on the gear and went down to 7.5stone and was pretty depressed at the end thinking basically this was my life.
Another thing that made me get my act together this year was the fact that I was going on holiday in August and was worried about the mess of my body. My partner knew that I hit-up but only sometimes - he was always against it. So I did it behind his back for a long time. I knew this year on holiday that there was no way that I could hide the tracks and the mess I had made of myself. I thought the only way I could stop IVing was to stop it altogether. So I sorted a detox and it's the best thing I have done for years. I was 21 weeks clean yesterday. And still going.
All the best. Take care.
Becks
It took me 5 years to actually get off my own a*** and do something. I have always been at school, college or working. I have a good job now for over 5 years, a place of our own to live and a nice car. If I hadn't been using then I would have had so much more as well. I was also not eating on the gear and went down to 7.5stone and was pretty depressed at the end thinking basically this was my life.
Another thing that made me get my act together this year was the fact that I was going on holiday in August and was worried about the mess of my body. My partner knew that I hit-up but only sometimes - he was always against it. So I did it behind his back for a long time. I knew this year on holiday that there was no way that I could hide the tracks and the mess I had made of myself. I thought the only way I could stop IVing was to stop it altogether. So I sorted a detox and it's the best thing I have done for years. I was 21 weeks clean yesterday. And still going.
All the best. Take care.
Becks
p.s. It took me about 4 weeks from deciding this is what I was going to do until I started the subs detox. So it wasn't planned for long.
becks youv done amazing keep it up and never look back, i just hope i can do as well as you have. going to bed now got to get up at 5am for work, ill be on tomorrow about 6ish.
lee
lee
woods33
Believe it or not my inspiration came from a judge,. my dying father,and my son.Ill always regret I couldnt clean up before cancer finally took my dad,but I gotta figue he,s helping me now.
Yeah- -. The thought of a forced long vacation& being seperated from my kid(there is no mom involved here,but thats another story) made me think hard how important is was to make a positive move--fast. So, reluctently at 1st, I began to listen to some suggestions from people, like the ones on this board.
Im still a work in progress- but I feel ok,Im doing the right things, and Im motivated to beat this like never before.
still tryin
jack
Believe it or not my inspiration came from a judge,. my dying father,and my son.Ill always regret I couldnt clean up before cancer finally took my dad,but I gotta figue he,s helping me now.
Yeah- -. The thought of a forced long vacation& being seperated from my kid(there is no mom involved here,but thats another story) made me think hard how important is was to make a positive move--fast. So, reluctently at 1st, I began to listen to some suggestions from people, like the ones on this board.
Im still a work in progress- but I feel ok,Im doing the right things, and Im motivated to beat this like never before.
still tryin
jack
jackofhartzz,
Ive read a few of you post and i'm glad to read that your do OK, i really mean this when i say i hope you beat this and i know if you have the will power you will succeed. and you know youve got the support of everyone on this site. i spend a lot of time on hear now and its like my adopted family. you all give me hope and strength.
lee
Ive read a few of you post and i'm glad to read that your do OK, i really mean this when i say i hope you beat this and i know if you have the will power you will succeed. and you know youve got the support of everyone on this site. i spend a lot of time on hear now and its like my adopted family. you all give me hope and strength.
lee
With God...All things are possible....
Keep up the great work, You deserve the best !!!
Keep up the great work, You deserve the best !!!
hi,
you know how i said i had 4mg of subies to last me well i used them up yesterday, and i started back work this morning ( i work 5 on 5 off ) but at the end of my shift i felt rough and ive got another 4 days of my shift left. ive been trying to buy them as i do but i cant get any no mater how hard i try, so you know what im going to say ive been and scored just got in. i know its no excuse but i need to go work this job is everything, i know i sounds sad but if i lose this ill be on a slippery slope and i dont want all that again. the job is one thing in my life that's saved me it fills my time ect. ive gone and brought all this on myself just because i didn't get a script, if any one else is buying of the street a word of warning if i turns out some time you cant buy them you be in the s### to say the least. so let me be the example not to follow and go and get scripted please for your own sake. I've been do OK for a few weeks now back to the gear, I'm going to the drugs team next week to sort things out that for definite. i just fell so guilty and p****d of right now. its one big nightmare.
but to read about all of you out there that are getting clean and staying of the gear makes me want to will you on to succeed and move on from all of this. i love to read when one of you is doing so well everyone i wish you the best of luck and i know you will do it, becks has do brillante. you keep going and put all of this behind you,, i just hope i can get where you are you've achieved so much, you all have. sorry to bang on but i had to get this out, and i mean what i say about all of you, you've been better than some of my so can friends.
lee
you know how i said i had 4mg of subies to last me well i used them up yesterday, and i started back work this morning ( i work 5 on 5 off ) but at the end of my shift i felt rough and ive got another 4 days of my shift left. ive been trying to buy them as i do but i cant get any no mater how hard i try, so you know what im going to say ive been and scored just got in. i know its no excuse but i need to go work this job is everything, i know i sounds sad but if i lose this ill be on a slippery slope and i dont want all that again. the job is one thing in my life that's saved me it fills my time ect. ive gone and brought all this on myself just because i didn't get a script, if any one else is buying of the street a word of warning if i turns out some time you cant buy them you be in the s### to say the least. so let me be the example not to follow and go and get scripted please for your own sake. I've been do OK for a few weeks now back to the gear, I'm going to the drugs team next week to sort things out that for definite. i just fell so guilty and p****d of right now. its one big nightmare.
but to read about all of you out there that are getting clean and staying of the gear makes me want to will you on to succeed and move on from all of this. i love to read when one of you is doing so well everyone i wish you the best of luck and i know you will do it, becks has do brillante. you keep going and put all of this behind you,, i just hope i can get where you are you've achieved so much, you all have. sorry to bang on but i had to get this out, and i mean what i say about all of you, you've been better than some of my so can friends.
lee
Hi Lee,
Email us at becky_hughes_1@yahoo.co.uk if you can and want to. I want to ask you a couple of questions.
Becks
Email us at becky_hughes_1@yahoo.co.uk if you can and want to. I want to ask you a couple of questions.
Becks
Hi becks, just reading the top post, how no one knows about you and your battle with gear. I know how you feel, you think you have done the biggest thing you could ever do and you have no one to tell you how well you are doing. The only problem when everyone knows about your problem is that i feel they always remember, even when you are clean.
I wish i could have held it back from the people close to me. Both for my sake and theirs. I am at a college in a diffrent town now cuz i just felt like i was to much of a known face. I would much rather be in a place where no one knows my past so i think you have saved yourself alot of ..... how can i put it.... you don't have to worry about people judging you on your past. I think you have done well!
You know how well youy are doing, you also don't have the guilt that comes from breaking peoples hearts. That is what happens when gear gets into a family. You did well shielding it. I wish i could of !
I wish i could have held it back from the people close to me. Both for my sake and theirs. I am at a college in a diffrent town now cuz i just felt like i was to much of a known face. I would much rather be in a place where no one knows my past so i think you have saved yourself alot of ..... how can i put it.... you don't have to worry about people judging you on your past. I think you have done well!
You know how well youy are doing, you also don't have the guilt that comes from breaking peoples hearts. That is what happens when gear gets into a family. You did well shielding it. I wish i could of !
