Love is stronger then addiction
It depends ...I can't quite agree with you on that Jaysun. Unless what you mean is that love (no matter what/who it is) grips you. Love is what holds us on to our beloved users/addicts. Love of a drug is what keeps you coming back for more. Hope keeps us at bay with our loved user/addicts, causing us to hold on. Hope of feeling normal is what keeps a user/addict holding on.
But I'm still comprehending all of this...but this is what I feel and see.
Lots of hope and hugs to all
((((all of you)))))
LLG
But I'm still comprehending all of this...but this is what I feel and see.
Lots of hope and hugs to all
((((all of you)))))
LLG
Breeze-Thanks for all your advice and well wishes...you've really been helpful. Sometimes I just dont know what to do. Today was wonderful, we went to a waterfall and swam in tidal pools and (my friends not me cuz i'm a whimp) jumped off the cliffs and stuff...its really beautiful. I wish I could just package things like that to send to all of you to make atleast one day better. I have talked to him this afternoon, and things seem to be good today. I'll just take it one day at a time I guess, I do my best to steer clear of stupid things that I know will just bother me or him. I'm doing my best to be supportive, its hard when you dont know when you need to BE THERE or when you should just give him space ya know? And ironically he is on this board, I'm not going to disclose anything about him...but I hope its helped him as much as me. Again thank you for EVERYTHING. I'll be in touch.
AlmostClean-Youre right, sometimes he does need space and I guess I just wish that I could know when that will or will not be. Its hard to get your hopes up to see someone that used to make every moment so wonderful, and then have them dashed because he doesnt want to. Its an emotional rollercoaster. But youre right, I'll just do my best to be there for him when I can, and let him know I'm there when he needs me. Thanks for the advice.
Jaysun-Youre right love is stronger than addiction, buuut its hard to see love sometimes when youre on an emotional low and feeling all alone. And its also hard wonder if that other person loves you as much as you do him. Thanks for the thought.
AlmostClean-Youre right, sometimes he does need space and I guess I just wish that I could know when that will or will not be. Its hard to get your hopes up to see someone that used to make every moment so wonderful, and then have them dashed because he doesnt want to. Its an emotional rollercoaster. But youre right, I'll just do my best to be there for him when I can, and let him know I'm there when he needs me. Thanks for the advice.
Jaysun-Youre right love is stronger than addiction, buuut its hard to see love sometimes when youre on an emotional low and feeling all alone. And its also hard wonder if that other person loves you as much as you do him. Thanks for the thought.
Amanda...If he is on this board, he knows how you feel. Putting it in words always helps.
New you remember?? You are going to be there for him, and take care of you!!!
All will be well. Give him time.
New you remember?? You are going to be there for him, and take care of you!!!
All will be well. Give him time.
LLG-I just wanted to say that your line: "Love of a drug is what keeps you coming back for more" I think youre right. But I think its a drug that is a good one to be addicted to....or can be...because I know I do put myself second more than I would with anyone else...I mean I can tell you right now that I will bend over backwards and do every single thing I can to help him fight addiction, because in fact I DO LOVE HIM. I do appreciate what youre saying though. Thanks
Amanda
My appolagies for offending you sweetie. In my case, that is how I felt as a user a while back. And now it seems to be the same for my father who is in detox. Sometimes what I refer to these posts with is being open to both sides. I'm trying my hardest to not be opposing or one sided. I do understand what you are saying and I thank you for your view. I don't want it to seem negative or coming from a bad way.
I hope all is looking up for you and my heart still is with you.
((((Amanda))))
LLG
My appolagies for offending you sweetie. In my case, that is how I felt as a user a while back. And now it seems to be the same for my father who is in detox. Sometimes what I refer to these posts with is being open to both sides. I'm trying my hardest to not be opposing or one sided. I do understand what you are saying and I thank you for your view. I don't want it to seem negative or coming from a bad way.
I hope all is looking up for you and my heart still is with you.
((((Amanda))))
LLG
all in all, I was coming from both aspect.
much hope and many hugs
LLG
much hope and many hugs
LLG
LLG-you didnt offend me! You brought an important point up. I was in no way offended, I listen to all ideas and respect you for giving them. Thank you very much for your comments and concerns!
Today is a new day....yesterday things had been going so well, but once I realized I wouldnt get to see him for yet another day I just began to think about things and I lose it and I know that just makes him even more mad. I just get to a point where I think about all the things we've had, both good and bad and I end up crying. Sometimes I feel so stupid, but when I think about waiting and waiting and waiting it gets to me. Sometimes I wonder if it would have all been easier if I had said goodbye the morning he told me he had been addicted to pills....many people on this site have lost their loved ones because of this pain. However, I stuck in there, and I feel like maybe its not as good of a choice sometimes. Because I feel like I add more stress to his life simply by teling him I'm there for him and I care. Which I know isnt true, it just feels like that alot. I miss him more than anything and all I want is to spend time with him and I cant have that. Thats the part killing me the most. Soooo instead I take the philosophy of Gladiator and I SUCK IT UP, I do something to keep my mind off it and I go about my day and try to forget that I could be spending this wonderful day with someone that I am still madly in love with..instead now I will go clean or some such thing. I hope your days are all much better today than yesterday.
Amanda,
Sometimes staying busy is all we can do...to keep occupied. I have to confess, I come here a lot, all through out the day at times. Hoping for an answer or words of wisdom and hope. Sometimes no ones here. That makes me feel alone and hurt. My husband is working two jobs, so its mostly just me and the girls all day. And right now I keep waiting for my friend to call, or my mom with more to say. Though every call makes me feel as if I'm being consumed by sadness instead of hope. I can't take one car ride with out crying (I do most of my thinking there). But as you said...we must SUCK IT UP. If we don't, what are we going to do, wait for them to make ourselves better? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I feel.
Hugs and Hope
LLG
Sometimes staying busy is all we can do...to keep occupied. I have to confess, I come here a lot, all through out the day at times. Hoping for an answer or words of wisdom and hope. Sometimes no ones here. That makes me feel alone and hurt. My husband is working two jobs, so its mostly just me and the girls all day. And right now I keep waiting for my friend to call, or my mom with more to say. Though every call makes me feel as if I'm being consumed by sadness instead of hope. I can't take one car ride with out crying (I do most of my thinking there). But as you said...we must SUCK IT UP. If we don't, what are we going to do, wait for them to make ourselves better? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I feel.
Hugs and Hope
LLG
Amanda. How are you feeling today. Hope you are getting ready to have a good weekend!
Amanda -- I can speak as a husband who is 28 days off vicodins and has yet to tell his wife. I haven't told her out of shame and guilt, and also a question as to whether it would do more harm than good. I love her more than life itself, and she deserves better. But some things can't be undone. I never thought I was getting away with anything by not disclosing when I was using. I kept up the front -- went to work each day (even got a promotion), maintained financial security, tried to be a good father to our two kids. It was one big self-deception; dishonesty with myself first, with those I love second. The last thing I want is to hurt her. Which is why I'm doing everything I can to make sure I never pick up again. First and foremost, getting HONEST -- which is why I'm struggling with the continued non-disclosure. As you have written so well, it WILL hurt her, and scare her tremendously. I don't have the answers here, and every situation is different. This is my situation, for which I'm 100% responsible. I wish you all the support and love you deserve. Peace, M.
So today is better...maybe its my attempt to take all of your advice? Last night was HORRID, he was having computer issues and trying to fix it and I was trying to help and all in all we just butted heads and resulted in a messy situation. Meanwhile my friends were bitching to me about how I dont want to do anything and what not and I just wanna be like GO AWAY you dont get it, you have no idea what I'm dealing with, but the thing is, I dont want them to know. But I just did my best to fix it all, and upon today going smoothly I guess its alright in the end. Now that I see real problems of others (like losing a best friend) I have decided to try NOT to take things for granted. I LOVE HIM with all my heart and we are both trying...and hopefully in the end it will all be ok :-)
Breeze-as for this weekend I'm not sure whats up...a friend who comes home only once a year or so is home sooo hopefully we get to see her. Other than that just relaxing and trying not to stress anyone out, including myself. I hope your weekend is wonderful!
Breeze-as for this weekend I'm not sure whats up...a friend who comes home only once a year or so is home sooo hopefully we get to see her. Other than that just relaxing and trying not to stress anyone out, including myself. I hope your weekend is wonderful!
M-wow, I think its great that you posted...because youre offering me the exact other end of the spectrum here. Except that my boyfriend came out to me for support before begining his withdrawl. I cant believe that youre doing this all on your own. I wish you werent so full of shame and guilt to tell your wife, because I think she would like to know...even though I KNOW how she will feel when it hits. BUT I'm sure if the two of you have been married she LOVES YOU and will be there for you. As you said "some things can't be undone," youre right, you made a mistake and it took control of your life. But now, youve taken control back and thats wonderful....PLEASE consider telling your wife and not fighting this alone, because the more time that goes by the harder it will be. Please let me know what you think....gluck and youre in my thoughts.
Amanda-- I appreciate YOUR perspective. To be honest, I feel like I created this mess, so I should take care of it myself -- or at least get a sufficient amount of "clean" time so that when I tell her, it may be of some reassurance to her. If I could tell her that I slipped, without going into ALL the details, I would, but it doesn't work that way. As I wrote somewhere else, the questions just keep coming. Understandably. Sooo....thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I'm in a holding pattern for now. Have a great weekend. M
M-
I am still amazed by your strength of character. The fact that your wife does not even realize youre going through withdrawls is amazing simply because of the pain, mood swings and just feelings you have to deal with every day. Of course the only reason I found out was because one of his twitching/spasms woke me up in the middle of the night. I cant imagine your world of hiding it...but wow. The one thing I hope you understand is the one thing I can sympathize with....when you tell your wife whether it be in the next 5 mins or in a the next 5 years, its going to hurt. It is the most unreal and unbelievable news I have ever recieved. Its like my entire world existed and was stable one day, and then the next everything was upside down and completely out of my control (which I cant stand, I'm somewhat of an anal person). Youre right, if you tell her its going to be questions, LOTS of questions...I still have questions almost a month later, and ya know what the only real question is WHY and I still dont really comprehend that answer. I do not and will not ever understand, but I can offer my opinion and my views because I have seen addiction and what it can do, and also withdrawl and the horror of that.
I'm trying not to ramble but I feel that I have to encourage you to do something, even though I know its not what you want to hear. My ONLY concern is this, say you wait till you've been clean for a year now, and you decide its time to explain it to her.....if shes ANYTHING like me she will feel betrayed...hurt...decieved and just overall lied to. I can only pray that she will listen, try to understand and also stay with you. For me the biggest issue was that the entire course of our relationship had been when my bf's addiction had started and to know that I had been there THE WHOLE TIME and could have helped killed me. To know he was laying beside me at night suffering, killed me. I began to doubt everything, as most people in my situation would and do..."you said you loved me, did you mean that" "when you said you didnt do anything with so and so was that true" and of course "how could you hurt me like this, what did I ever do to you" ALL those things are true questions I needed to say and hear the answer to, with oh so many more...I still ask "how come this had to happen?" and "why cant I have my life back" but you know sometimes there are no good answers.....just a prayer that someday things can be ok again.....SOOOO now I feel like I have led you down the path of my entire dealing with this issue, but its only because I hope you are considering the fact that whenever you do tell her the fact you waited so long may actually hurt you as far as your wifes reaction, I'm not pushing you any way...I dont want you to do it unless YOU WANT TO buut just be careful and do remember the vow your wife made when you got married "in sickness AND in health" if she sees this as a sickness its a whole different world, she wouldnt leave you if you were to get cancer (as someone on here once asked me) and I can only pray she understands that this too is just as horrible.....THE END as I say...I hope some of this got through :-/
I am still amazed by your strength of character. The fact that your wife does not even realize youre going through withdrawls is amazing simply because of the pain, mood swings and just feelings you have to deal with every day. Of course the only reason I found out was because one of his twitching/spasms woke me up in the middle of the night. I cant imagine your world of hiding it...but wow. The one thing I hope you understand is the one thing I can sympathize with....when you tell your wife whether it be in the next 5 mins or in a the next 5 years, its going to hurt. It is the most unreal and unbelievable news I have ever recieved. Its like my entire world existed and was stable one day, and then the next everything was upside down and completely out of my control (which I cant stand, I'm somewhat of an anal person). Youre right, if you tell her its going to be questions, LOTS of questions...I still have questions almost a month later, and ya know what the only real question is WHY and I still dont really comprehend that answer. I do not and will not ever understand, but I can offer my opinion and my views because I have seen addiction and what it can do, and also withdrawl and the horror of that.
I'm trying not to ramble but I feel that I have to encourage you to do something, even though I know its not what you want to hear. My ONLY concern is this, say you wait till you've been clean for a year now, and you decide its time to explain it to her.....if shes ANYTHING like me she will feel betrayed...hurt...decieved and just overall lied to. I can only pray that she will listen, try to understand and also stay with you. For me the biggest issue was that the entire course of our relationship had been when my bf's addiction had started and to know that I had been there THE WHOLE TIME and could have helped killed me. To know he was laying beside me at night suffering, killed me. I began to doubt everything, as most people in my situation would and do..."you said you loved me, did you mean that" "when you said you didnt do anything with so and so was that true" and of course "how could you hurt me like this, what did I ever do to you" ALL those things are true questions I needed to say and hear the answer to, with oh so many more...I still ask "how come this had to happen?" and "why cant I have my life back" but you know sometimes there are no good answers.....just a prayer that someday things can be ok again.....SOOOO now I feel like I have led you down the path of my entire dealing with this issue, but its only because I hope you are considering the fact that whenever you do tell her the fact you waited so long may actually hurt you as far as your wifes reaction, I'm not pushing you any way...I dont want you to do it unless YOU WANT TO buut just be careful and do remember the vow your wife made when you got married "in sickness AND in health" if she sees this as a sickness its a whole different world, she wouldnt leave you if you were to get cancer (as someone on here once asked me) and I can only pray she understands that this too is just as horrible.....THE END as I say...I hope some of this got through :-/
screw what your friends say, they dont know what its like to be addicted to something, yes you should stick with your man, but only because this is the first time u found out and he is really trying to recover, if he" disobeys" you and goes out and uses again, then i suggest you leave, i have a brother with a morphine addiction, and i HAVE to stick with him caus hes family, and trust me ull feel some satisfaction at the end of this
What I wouldn't give for one day like it used to be....yesterday was my favorite day since withdrawl started, I tricked myself into thinking that the hard part was over. Wrong. He called so many times just to say hi or tell me something, just like he used to, enough so I could hear his voice and maybe even laugh a little. I called this morning (now hes at home not at work) and he doesnt even have a couple minutes to spend just talking to me...this is when the huge fights start, which I dont even want. I only wanted to understand why he never called me last night, I left a message saying to but apparently he didnt check it (again-we've had this fight before trust me). The thing that gets to me is his job scares me, every single day or night he could get hurt and I could never hear from him again, so when I knew he "had to run" it meant he was going off to do a call.....and I always feel better knowing he is safe and back at base. I mean I will literally have nightmares of all the horrible ways he dies or all the horrible things that can happen....It just scares me...so yea I get pissy when I specifically say CALL ME and he doesnt. I just feel so unimportant today to him, I feel like what I have said and what I try to do for him does not matter. I'm just trying to keep in mind not to add more stress, but at the same time trying not to have a breakdown myself. I was so hopeful that things were looking up....now if feels like I'm way down at like day 15 again, go figure. Hope your days are better than mine is so far.
To my hero...
You were always there for me, no matter what was wrong
You made me feel so safe and secure becauase you were so strong...
But now I find myself all alone, stuggling to understand
Why some stupid pills had to take me from my man...
There is something I never told you, something I just forgot to say
Its funny how you take for granted the time along the way....
The work you do is amazing, saving people in need
Compassionate, fearless, and doing good deads....
I looked at you each day with more than just love in my eyes
I thanked the lord I had found you, and prayed it would never die...
You were then, are now and will always be my hero in evey way
And I'll be here waiting and loving you always, forever and a day.
You were always there for me, no matter what was wrong
You made me feel so safe and secure becauase you were so strong...
But now I find myself all alone, stuggling to understand
Why some stupid pills had to take me from my man...
There is something I never told you, something I just forgot to say
Its funny how you take for granted the time along the way....
The work you do is amazing, saving people in need
Compassionate, fearless, and doing good deads....
I looked at you each day with more than just love in my eyes
I thanked the lord I had found you, and prayed it would never die...
You were then, are now and will always be my hero in evey way
And I'll be here waiting and loving you always, forever and a day.
SOMEONE out there please help me out. Right now I am between a rock and a hard place. I want to trust him, I really do, I want to pretend that there is nothing wrong and that he would never lie to me. BUT nothing is ok and he has lied to me.....So now I'm in this delicate place of trying not to talk to him too much or drive him too far away from me. I dont know if what I'm doing is right or wrong....this afternoon was a huge mess because I couldn't find him anywhere and his mom said he was missing and of course I freaked out. I mean what else am I supposed to do. I dont necessarily think its that hes on drugs, or that hes out finding some random girl..its just that he is missing and I'm constantly scared that the pain is too much. I find myself frustrated by lines like "i cant believe you dont trust me" or "youre just trying to find ways that i'm failing or that we would break up, OH WAIT you already did that" oorrrr "I dont need someone to be worried about me".....I guess I just wish I had some sort of crystal ball to be sure to watch over his basically every move, I know thats stupid and not fair but damn it all. I feel like its so unfair to let myself be hurt over and over, but it hurts to think of life without him. Damn it I just wish that he was the way that he used to be...not yelling at me, not treating me like I dont even matter in his life anymore.....TOOLMAN if youre out there I could use your help! ANYONE out there drop me a line...I just need not to be alone right now and you atleast understand these withdrawl symptoms.
