Amanda- I've been off-line for a few days, but just read your post from Friday, and yesterday's. Sorry you're going through a rough time right now. Have you looked into AlAnon? Whether you and yor b/f get back together or not, you might find it very useful for all sorts of relationships, and living. My guess -- and its only a guess -- is that your b/f is no longer in physical w/d (mine only lasted 5-7 days, although sleep was harder to come by) and is trying to get on with his life with some measure of pride. So he may react defensively (irritation, anger) to your expressions of worry, care, sympathy, etc., because it triggers a "less than" feeling. That's not fair to you, of course, and it's not because you're doing anything wrong. Sometimes, relationship dynamics can get so toxic in early recovery it's almost better just to back off and let things settle down a bit. And take care of yourself. It was that way with my wife and I when I put down the drink in '91.
I can appreciate what you said on the risks of not telling her until a month or year from now -- that she'll feel even more betrayed and lied to because I hid it that much longer. I'm sure you're right. So why put that pain on her at all? So I can get it off my chest and "clean the slate," so-to-speak? I don't know. Gladiator advised me to take it to the grave, given his experience. I'm still holding. But your description of how your b/f's adiction made you feel, and still makes you feel, echoes what my wife has said in the past. Trust is very, very hard to earn back. Hope you're feeling better today. Peace, M.
M- Glad to hear from you, I was worried I had offended you. As far as AlAnon I haven't really looked into it simply because I am trying to deal with it without telling like everyone....but it is a good idea for the future. As to what you said I'm gonna try to break it down here....
As far as his withdrawls yea hes past the physical pain, which I am very happy about...however now seems to be the part that is taking an equal tole on me emotionally. I understand that he is defensive and angry when I say where have you been, you were missing all afternoon. But you know I do still love him and I'm very scared of what still could happen. When he is not where he says he will be for like hours, my brain goes ALERT and says hes doing drugs or something horrible, because I was hurt before. He called after a bad fight yesterday, well he waited about an hour then called. Apparently he had stopped at the place he used to get drugs...stopped right in their driveway, but didnt go in because of me. I wish that he had never stopped but I have never been more proud that he didnt go inside....but still THAT alone scares me. I'm doing my best to not be needy or a pain in his butt, sooo thast what I'm doing, being there when I think he needs me and trying to hide the rest of the time :-)
Now as far as the rest of this business...I understand Gladiators feelings because I have read many of his posts and he is obviously a good guy who had horrible luck when the love of his life couldnt deal w/ it all and left him. BUUUUUT how can you not tell her if you love him...keeping information from her is in essence lying to her....if you cheated on her but didnt tell her you would be protecting her feelings but thats still lying. ANNND what is this about putting down the drink in '91 were you addicted to alcohol before? And she stayed with you through that? I just wish the whole thing was easier and that if you told her she wouldnt want to leave but instead just appreciate your stength..hmm....life is so strange sometimes
Thank you for your thoughts....do let me know if your wife has already been through it once though....and hopefully today will be better for both of us....
OH and PS happy fathers day :-) haha
As far as his withdrawls yea hes past the physical pain, which I am very happy about...however now seems to be the part that is taking an equal tole on me emotionally. I understand that he is defensive and angry when I say where have you been, you were missing all afternoon. But you know I do still love him and I'm very scared of what still could happen. When he is not where he says he will be for like hours, my brain goes ALERT and says hes doing drugs or something horrible, because I was hurt before. He called after a bad fight yesterday, well he waited about an hour then called. Apparently he had stopped at the place he used to get drugs...stopped right in their driveway, but didnt go in because of me. I wish that he had never stopped but I have never been more proud that he didnt go inside....but still THAT alone scares me. I'm doing my best to not be needy or a pain in his butt, sooo thast what I'm doing, being there when I think he needs me and trying to hide the rest of the time :-)
Now as far as the rest of this business...I understand Gladiators feelings because I have read many of his posts and he is obviously a good guy who had horrible luck when the love of his life couldnt deal w/ it all and left him. BUUUUUT how can you not tell her if you love him...keeping information from her is in essence lying to her....if you cheated on her but didnt tell her you would be protecting her feelings but thats still lying. ANNND what is this about putting down the drink in '91 were you addicted to alcohol before? And she stayed with you through that? I just wish the whole thing was easier and that if you told her she wouldnt want to leave but instead just appreciate your stength..hmm....life is so strange sometimes
Thank you for your thoughts....do let me know if your wife has already been through it once though....and hopefully today will be better for both of us....
OH and PS happy fathers day :-) haha
Yes, Amanda, to answer your question. My being an alcoholic and addict is no secret to her. This disease, and my actions, have caused her a lot of unnecessary worry, stress and fear in the past. M.
M-I guess I dont really understand why, if she already know about addiction in your life before, and didnt leave you, why not tell her this time? I understand not wanting to hurt someone and not knowing a true "what you should do" answer....but I still cant imagine you fighting it alone, although still kudos to you. The unneccessary worry, stress and fear that you speak of I dont really see as unneccessary, of course this is coming from me, the person who fears just about every single situation ever right now. But she worries, stresses and fears because she loves you soooo much and doesnt want to lose you. I find thats half the problem I am having...I keep wishing I could be watching over him 24/7 to make sure nothing is wrong because I want him to get better and I want us to be us again. Things still arent the way that I would want them, but you and many others have given me alternative perspectives and reasons to try to the best of my abilities....I hope your day is going well, its a beautiful day outside around here :-)
Amanda, he's lucky to have you. M
Tonight I feel a little better...despite a bumpy begining of the day with lots of tears....things just ended much better than they began. The combination of his lack of sleep from work, and my being so damn needy doesnt help anyone or anything. I need to know he loves me and I need to know hes strong enough to make it through, but at the same time I am scared that hes just going to decide that he doesnt want me anymore or anything I represent so he'll disappear. Thats not something I am ready for....I am sometimes more of a pain than I am good in his life...I can only hope that I help more than I hurt right? Sometimes its hard for me to tell which would be better, me not existing, or me staying and doing my best like I am. I cant help but sometimes feel like its my fault he got addicted to pills in the first place...its hard not to. I know he says not to and I know for my sake I shouldnt but in the back of my mind its like what kind of horrible girl are you that it was so bad being with you that it resorted to this? All I want is the security of knowing that this will get better and he will be mind someday again, but I dont even have that, BUT I need to remember every time i complain or am whinny its just pushing him further from me again...BLAH but other than that....I guess it all comes down to the fact that there is only one man in this entire world that I love...and I can only hope and pray every single day and night that he will get better and somehow someway we can be back together again, happy....until then, one day at a time
Most depressing part of my day that I ALWAYS do to myself...watching wedding story or a baby story, hahah you know those corny shows where everyone is living happily ever after. Kinda makes the world seem so easy...which makes me mad that they have such an easy life and I dont...although I know its just tv and I'm sure their life isnt perfect. But today was better....even though I still have no job and still havent seen him, I just know how I feel and the most I can do is be there when he needs me. I thank the lord for giving me strength through all of this, and for blessing me with the friends and experiences I have. Some days its much harder to appreciate simple things...but I'm trying.....
Hi Amanda,
I don't know you and am very new here but have read some of your posts and can relate to some of the feelings you're having. I used to be very needy in my marriage. It was only until I realized how incredibly selfish I was being that I was able to change some associations and stop draining him, me....and the relationship. As a result, our marriage improved greatly. A marriage counselor helped me to truly see some things from his perspective. I began to work on laying off a bit. I would tell myself a million times that if he came home from work in a bad mood, that it didn't mean he was MAD at me...or didn't LOVE me...It simply meant he'd had a tough day. I reminded myself that if a few days went by and we didn't speak much, that in a few more days, we'd have some terrific fulfilling conversation. I stopped nagging and stopped thinking so much about myself and tried to focus on what truly being there for someone means. I learned that sometimes it means giving them a little space....space to think...space to feel bad....space to be tired...space to have fun...whatever. At times, I would feel sad and neglected...sometimes I had to "fake it"....But soon I found that giving him some of those things would result in him giving back more to me than he ever had before.
I know you've been through and are going through so much with him. I know you are terrified. You have every right to be. You both are fighting the fight of your lives and you probably need his love and reassurance more than ever. I'm suggesting though that maybe he is not ABLE to give what you need right now...and maybe backing off a bit will help both of you. When I would feel lonely and sad, aside from calling my close girl friends, I would oftentimes sit by myself and fight to find within calming words and reassurances. I found that many times, I could get myself through those feelings without taking them to him. There is absolutely no doubt that you need more from him. Hopefully as he gets better he will be able to be more and more "available" to you. Meanwhile, maybe you can learn that you are stronger than you may think.
Amanda, I don't know if any of this applies to you or not. I felt I should share some of my experiences and thought maybe you would get something positive out of it. Either way, I wish you luck on your journey. Your b/f is very lucky to have such incredilbe love and support.
I know I've said some of the same things that you are saying you need to do. I guess I want you to know that YOU CAN LEARN TO BE THERE FOR YOURSELF. It takes practice....but you can do it. When you are able to do that....truly accomplish that...truly get yourself through some rough feelings, you will be so fulfilled...and chances are able to see emotional "gifts" from him more clearly than ever.
my 2 cents....I wish you both well.
luv_birds
I don't know you and am very new here but have read some of your posts and can relate to some of the feelings you're having. I used to be very needy in my marriage. It was only until I realized how incredibly selfish I was being that I was able to change some associations and stop draining him, me....and the relationship. As a result, our marriage improved greatly. A marriage counselor helped me to truly see some things from his perspective. I began to work on laying off a bit. I would tell myself a million times that if he came home from work in a bad mood, that it didn't mean he was MAD at me...or didn't LOVE me...It simply meant he'd had a tough day. I reminded myself that if a few days went by and we didn't speak much, that in a few more days, we'd have some terrific fulfilling conversation. I stopped nagging and stopped thinking so much about myself and tried to focus on what truly being there for someone means. I learned that sometimes it means giving them a little space....space to think...space to feel bad....space to be tired...space to have fun...whatever. At times, I would feel sad and neglected...sometimes I had to "fake it"....But soon I found that giving him some of those things would result in him giving back more to me than he ever had before.
I know you've been through and are going through so much with him. I know you are terrified. You have every right to be. You both are fighting the fight of your lives and you probably need his love and reassurance more than ever. I'm suggesting though that maybe he is not ABLE to give what you need right now...and maybe backing off a bit will help both of you. When I would feel lonely and sad, aside from calling my close girl friends, I would oftentimes sit by myself and fight to find within calming words and reassurances. I found that many times, I could get myself through those feelings without taking them to him. There is absolutely no doubt that you need more from him. Hopefully as he gets better he will be able to be more and more "available" to you. Meanwhile, maybe you can learn that you are stronger than you may think.
Amanda, I don't know if any of this applies to you or not. I felt I should share some of my experiences and thought maybe you would get something positive out of it. Either way, I wish you luck on your journey. Your b/f is very lucky to have such incredilbe love and support.
I know I've said some of the same things that you are saying you need to do. I guess I want you to know that YOU CAN LEARN TO BE THERE FOR YOURSELF. It takes practice....but you can do it. When you are able to do that....truly accomplish that...truly get yourself through some rough feelings, you will be so fulfilled...and chances are able to see emotional "gifts" from him more clearly than ever.
my 2 cents....I wish you both well.
luv_birds
luv_bird,
Thank you for your words of advice....youre absolutely right...I know that I'm needy and I know its a problem, its just I'm not exactly sure how to fix it. Right now I'm doing my best not to be like "do you love me" or anything along those lines where it pressures him to tell me how he feels, thus making me feel better. I know its wrong, but I am just scared of losing him, especially when I feel so strongly about him. The past two days now have been going better...I've given him some space and (knock on wood) no fights as of yet.
It doesnt take much to get me worked up, beause I am on like SUPER FLOW of emotions and sometimes the tears come at the dumbest stuff. The stuff you said about not taking anger personally really hits home lately with the withdrawl symptoms..I know he gets frustrated alot more quickly so its hard to not think wow look what I do to him, I make him so mad he must hate me.
This in particular : "I know you've been through and are going through so much with him. I know you are terrified. You have every right to be. You both are fighting the fight of your lives and you probably need his love and reassurance more than ever. I'm suggesting though that maybe he is not ABLE to give what you need right now...and maybe backing off a bit will help both of you." TRULY hit home...thats exactly how I feel, and its frustrating to know that I NEED HIM but I cant depend on that like I used to...as far as friends noone really knows which also makes it hard, I'm just not ready to deal with it and I still love him and I know people judge b/c they are ignorant....so I'm just taking it one day at a time, usually by myself. So now I do my best to go outside, enjoy the sun, hang out with friends when there is something to do, etc. And hopefully as time goes on things will get easier....thats what I'm hoping for now anyway...
Thank you for your kind words of advice, very much appreciated and its good to know someone else was in my sort of situation and made it! Have a lovely day.
Thank you for your words of advice....youre absolutely right...I know that I'm needy and I know its a problem, its just I'm not exactly sure how to fix it. Right now I'm doing my best not to be like "do you love me" or anything along those lines where it pressures him to tell me how he feels, thus making me feel better. I know its wrong, but I am just scared of losing him, especially when I feel so strongly about him. The past two days now have been going better...I've given him some space and (knock on wood) no fights as of yet.
It doesnt take much to get me worked up, beause I am on like SUPER FLOW of emotions and sometimes the tears come at the dumbest stuff. The stuff you said about not taking anger personally really hits home lately with the withdrawl symptoms..I know he gets frustrated alot more quickly so its hard to not think wow look what I do to him, I make him so mad he must hate me.
This in particular : "I know you've been through and are going through so much with him. I know you are terrified. You have every right to be. You both are fighting the fight of your lives and you probably need his love and reassurance more than ever. I'm suggesting though that maybe he is not ABLE to give what you need right now...and maybe backing off a bit will help both of you." TRULY hit home...thats exactly how I feel, and its frustrating to know that I NEED HIM but I cant depend on that like I used to...as far as friends noone really knows which also makes it hard, I'm just not ready to deal with it and I still love him and I know people judge b/c they are ignorant....so I'm just taking it one day at a time, usually by myself. So now I do my best to go outside, enjoy the sun, hang out with friends when there is something to do, etc. And hopefully as time goes on things will get easier....thats what I'm hoping for now anyway...
Thank you for your kind words of advice, very much appreciated and its good to know someone else was in my sort of situation and made it! Have a lovely day.
Phew....its only 11:30 am here and I've already been on an emotional rollercoaster and I'm not sure which ends up and which end is down. As you all know I havent seen him in almost a month now...each day being a little bit harder than the last...but TWO days in a row we didnt fight and I didnt cry. I know that sounds so small, but for me, its amazing. I went out with friends, just tried to have a normal life...while he was off relaxing and camping anyway. But then he had a family issue and would be basically driving through to get to where he was going...so he called and asked if I wanted to see him. Isn't it ironic that as soon as I knew I would actually see him again I almost regretted saying yes....but I was alright at first, he came and we had barely started to talk when he reached out to hug me...not what I expected so I didnt hug him back...instead I silently began to cry. He kept asking why and ya know what I still dont know...its all the emotion pent up inside me and when I finally DO get to see him, its like AHHHH my body is going haywire. Also the fact that he reached out to hold me....blah. So anyway we tried to talk and have it be ok, we didnt have much time so its kind of a weird situation. Things went a little better after that...he kept saying things like now I know how much I really did miss you and just generally nice things. I mean I hope this isnt it for another month because emotionally I need someone HERE for me...I need to know I have someone who wants to reach out and hold my hand. It is the best feeling in the world to have someone you love want to hold you and love you back...and after all this time its even more powerful. I just hope things all fall into place soon, for now I think I'm gonna go lay down for a bit....have a good ady folks.
And today I fell into the abyss that is anger, jealousy and self pity. I want more than anything to be able to tell him how I feel sometimes....but I feel that I'm not allowed to. I feel like my problems arent good enough to tell him, and that I should just suck it up and deal with it. But its hard to wonder just what love is to someone else, or if anything has happened in this now month. Its hard to feel like I can tell him any of my issues when he has so much going on in his own life that I dont know what to do. How can I complain about my life when hes still in withdrawls and trying to pay back money he owes for things? I know my concerns are real, I cant get an interview for a job I really need....there is a lot in my life that I need to feel good, that I dont have. Him included. So I started to tell him but he had to leave, which makes me not feel very good either. But again I've delt with everything on my own now for a month, its just hard sometimes when I'm all alone. Soooo I guess I'm just venting for no real reason...I know you all have bigger fish to fry, I just feel myself slowly drifting into a depressed state, which I am doing my best to fight....
Hmm...today has been rather interesting. It all started yesterday after a good convo w/ him, finally I got to tell him everything that has been bothering me and how hard it is for me to deal with....that kind of stuff. He was finally listening, finally I feel like I'm talking to him, not a disease. I think he finally might be clearly seeing what happened....he didnt do the whole 12 step thing and even after reading it I still dont really understand it so I dont know if hes somewhat in the clear now or if there is more? I can only hope that things keep going up. Last night kind of hurt because I knew some girls were hitting on him and what not, and I know he didnt mean to but he was flirting too...and its just hard ESP for me being miss queen of jealousy to not be there to make sure that those girls dont try something stupid. But today we talked about it and I really think maybe this time things are different...I think hes really turning his life around. Its amazing to think how time has passed..I mean a month seemed to fly by, however, every day crawled min by min. In my own way I'm scared to that that could happen again, the amount of pain and suffering that goes with withdrawl, but hopefully he slowly learns to deal with the real emotions and problems int he world...I just hope I did the right thing, and I really think I did when I helped him, but I guess there is noone to tell you what right or wrong is....but I know how much I did love him and always will. Stay strong, fight addiction everyone please
Sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde when dealing with him and the addiction...or maybe its not the addiction anymore. I dont really know, but sometimes he flies off the deep end and is hollering and swearing and stuff at me, whic scares me. Then a few minutes later he'll be back to himself and things will be ok again. Its just hard to decide what will and will not bother him, and if its ok for me to tell him how I feel if it will bother him. I wish that things were easier dealing w/ addiction...its obvious that it ruins so many lives but it seems like noone really has an answer. I get angry sometimes when I think about hte fact that doctors everywhere are handing out this drug, assuming it only helps deal with the pain, but it seems to do so much more. I wish I had realized it to begin with, sometimes I blame myself for being so blind. I feel like noone really seems to care about it either, it didnt seem like his doctor really knew exactly what the problems would be or how to deal with it. But I dont blame him, because then again he cant know everything. I just wish that there was an end, a day where you could say OK addiction is OVER! Blah thats currently whats bothering me...the fact that there might not be an end, that maybe just maybe it will always be an uphill battle....I just wish he was with me and I didnt feel so all alone.
Amanda
what about YOUR choice. How much are you willing to put up with? I don't know what stage of recovery your partner is at, but I do know that you haven't given much thought about what you are willing to put up with and at which point enough is enough.
That decision is yours, not his.
good luck
Sean
what about YOUR choice. How much are you willing to put up with? I don't know what stage of recovery your partner is at, but I do know that you haven't given much thought about what you are willing to put up with and at which point enough is enough.
That decision is yours, not his.
good luck
Sean
SeanMichael-
To answer your question...my choice is that I want him back.....a healthier him. But youre right, I need some sort of limit as to what I will put up with, but the sad thing is I deal out as much as I take in some ways. I think he is at the poit where its not nearly as much of a mind game, but yet there will still be harder days than others. Today so far has been great, even though hes at work, he has made time to talk to me and is being sweet. The times that we fight and he gest mean is when I bring up some girl or him moving to the same town as his exwife...those are touchy subjects where we just dont see eye to eye. But youre absolutely right in the fact that I need to have a limit, there will either come a day where things finally are better or a day when I just cant take it any longer...I'm just hoping for the first.
To answer your question...my choice is that I want him back.....a healthier him. But youre right, I need some sort of limit as to what I will put up with, but the sad thing is I deal out as much as I take in some ways. I think he is at the poit where its not nearly as much of a mind game, but yet there will still be harder days than others. Today so far has been great, even though hes at work, he has made time to talk to me and is being sweet. The times that we fight and he gest mean is when I bring up some girl or him moving to the same town as his exwife...those are touchy subjects where we just dont see eye to eye. But youre absolutely right in the fact that I need to have a limit, there will either come a day where things finally are better or a day when I just cant take it any longer...I'm just hoping for the first.
Good Luck Amanda, I hope your dream coems true.
best wishes
Sean
best wishes
Sean
hey amanda...i dont know if u are an addict urself or just him...but ive been in his place...embarassed as hell to tell my gf about my usage....and needing to take pills just so i can function properly and treat her good....and one girl i actually got hooked on drugs with me....which i feel like an a** about....but anyway. i dont know how long uve been with him or if u knew him before he started the drugs but u have to keep in mind his moods and how he acts is going to change when hes clean. just make sure u dont start using the drugs cuase they are tempting and if u realllllly cant live without him them be prepared for alot of work on both ur parts and possibly seeing him in pain if he ever goes back to the drugs and has to go through a more serious withdrawl....good luck sweetheart....u sound like a great girl to be on here talking about this....shows ur a stand up person. bye.....SCOTT :) winny6778@aol.com
Scott- Just so you know, no I am not an addict, just happened to be dating someone who came out to me about a month and a half ago now that they were addicted to pain pills. I knew him just barely I guess before he got addicted...I mean he got his legal perscription right about the time we started dating, as far as when he got addicted it was probably not too far into the realationship. I would never do any drugs, but sometimes I feel completely lost with no where to turn. Thank you for being so kind.
Today I got to the point where I gave an ultimatum, and quite frankly if I dont really see an effort than I cant do this anymore. In a way I feel like such an a** because he really needed some money today for a legal matter, which I trust he will use it on, and I'm the sucker who gave it to him. All day when he was telling me how much he needed it and how noone would give it to him I was like ok Amanda you can be strong....well when the end of the day came, so did the end of my stength and I gave in. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a putz for everything...I mean maybe I'm just playing into some weird mind game. But when he tells me he is trying but its just hard and what not I know hes telling the truth so I'm doing my best. SeanMichael told me in the post just a couple up that I need to know my limit annnd he is right, I do. I know the point I was at today I will never be at again, with anyone. So if things dont change I will soon be dealing with my own reality of putting my own life together and figuring out how to just be friends with somenoe that I love.
Today I got to the point where I gave an ultimatum, and quite frankly if I dont really see an effort than I cant do this anymore. In a way I feel like such an a** because he really needed some money today for a legal matter, which I trust he will use it on, and I'm the sucker who gave it to him. All day when he was telling me how much he needed it and how noone would give it to him I was like ok Amanda you can be strong....well when the end of the day came, so did the end of my stength and I gave in. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a putz for everything...I mean maybe I'm just playing into some weird mind game. But when he tells me he is trying but its just hard and what not I know hes telling the truth so I'm doing my best. SeanMichael told me in the post just a couple up that I need to know my limit annnd he is right, I do. I know the point I was at today I will never be at again, with anyone. So if things dont change I will soon be dealing with my own reality of putting my own life together and figuring out how to just be friends with somenoe that I love.
Alright its been a few days because I wasnt quite sure what to post or what to say.....I have been stressed out trying to figure everything out going on...so now as usual I turn to you all for help. He has seemed to become somewhat worse? Anger has returned....I will say something and BAM flying off the handle, hanging up on me and turning off his phone until HE is ready to talk. But the thing that gets to me most is his new found desire to be alone....in this I mean he would rather sit at home alone then see people. This alone seems strange to me, and I just plain dont understand (as usual).
The weeks leading up to the 4th we had discussed hanging out on the fourt and going to the fireworks with my family and hanging out that day in the town where he lives/I used to live seeing a movie etc. SOOOOOO we did that, hung out then saw a movie....immediately after the movie he turns to say " I dont wanna go to the fireworks, k?" as much as I thought he was kidding suddenly I felt a pit in my stomach...the comment he made started about a 3 hour crying/fighting fit. He just plain "couldnt stand being around that many people" and "seeing people he didnt want to see" THIS IS PROBABLY NOT FAIR but the one person I wanted to spend the darn holiday with was him, it means a lot to me to have him there esp when I knew my family would ask about him (of course, they did) soo yes I was pissed and yes I think I have a right to be seeing that he had promised me and then I was already IN THE TOWN instead of home at the fireworks with my friends. GRRR so then what makes me more mad is he KNOWS that this is what I NEED and yet he cant do it b/c he doesnt want to SEE ANYONE.....how does that make sense?! How is it that he wants to see me and spend time with me, BUUUUT YET he can not sit there and have other HUMANS AROUND?!!!!!! GRRRR.
I just dont understand if its normal to want to be alone? I feel like not facing his issue of being around people is just giving in..I mean he knew how much it meant to me but refused...which kinda makes me believe he is just in fact trying to boot me out of his life. But the stuff he says and does makes me doubt that he would ever want me to go....I guess I just was wondering if anyone else experienced withdrawl between the first and second month? Does it get better or maybe is this HIM and if I dont like it I need to get over it? Just wondering again, thanks in advance
The weeks leading up to the 4th we had discussed hanging out on the fourt and going to the fireworks with my family and hanging out that day in the town where he lives/I used to live seeing a movie etc. SOOOOOO we did that, hung out then saw a movie....immediately after the movie he turns to say " I dont wanna go to the fireworks, k?" as much as I thought he was kidding suddenly I felt a pit in my stomach...the comment he made started about a 3 hour crying/fighting fit. He just plain "couldnt stand being around that many people" and "seeing people he didnt want to see" THIS IS PROBABLY NOT FAIR but the one person I wanted to spend the darn holiday with was him, it means a lot to me to have him there esp when I knew my family would ask about him (of course, they did) soo yes I was pissed and yes I think I have a right to be seeing that he had promised me and then I was already IN THE TOWN instead of home at the fireworks with my friends. GRRR so then what makes me more mad is he KNOWS that this is what I NEED and yet he cant do it b/c he doesnt want to SEE ANYONE.....how does that make sense?! How is it that he wants to see me and spend time with me, BUUUUT YET he can not sit there and have other HUMANS AROUND?!!!!!! GRRRR.
I just dont understand if its normal to want to be alone? I feel like not facing his issue of being around people is just giving in..I mean he knew how much it meant to me but refused...which kinda makes me believe he is just in fact trying to boot me out of his life. But the stuff he says and does makes me doubt that he would ever want me to go....I guess I just was wondering if anyone else experienced withdrawl between the first and second month? Does it get better or maybe is this HIM and if I dont like it I need to get over it? Just wondering again, thanks in advance
