Goos all well today I already feel some sadness of the day.
It was 4 years ago today that my father passed away from Lung Cancer.I have alot of issues as far as this subject goes & right now Im trying NOT to think about it yet,I have such a heaviness in my heart,my head is achen so bad,.
Im waiting for my healthy breakfast to finish,but honest I got yuck tummy pretty bad.
I guess it would of been easier(as far as deaths go)if my dad & I made up before he passed.But the last thing I felt from him was...disapproval,anger,bitterness.
Never got a chance to say goodbye.
After being at the hospital every night for 2 weeks,than my sister & I getting called at 10pm telling us he wouldnt make it through the night,my sister still clinging to hope & making him go through more test.I stayed & stayed & stayed...I wanted to be there when he went,I wanted him to know that through all the pain he cause I always loved him & wanted so bad for him to love me.I wanted to hold his hand so he wasnt scared,I wanted to hold my sister who was falling apart.But did any of those things happen?
No at 7am that morning I had my sister drive me home so I could get Anne off to school,
At 8:20am that morning with the only 2 women he ever loved my mother & my sister by his side....the man I needed love from the most left & I never got a chance to say good bye & tell him I was sorry for not being what he wanted
Oh MJ.....so so sorry...4 years is not that long when it comes to grief..all I can possibly think to say as comfort to you is I truly believe that there is peace and love at the end...no more pain. I often think of my mom and sister...it hurts but they are ok...not subject to all the pain of the physical world. Love you little s...hang in there..this too shall pass..........Big S
Just know he loved you.
And know that you did what you had to do that morning. And in all honesty I often question how things work, why they play out like they do. I often wonder why we are where we are in those most tragic of times in are lives, or not there.
YOU were where you were suppose to be that morning. That simple. Try not to make this hurt anymore then it should, in regret, in wondering what it was.....
In his perception of you....
You know how to find me...
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Love,
Tina
And know that you did what you had to do that morning. And in all honesty I often question how things work, why they play out like they do. I often wonder why we are where we are in those most tragic of times in are lives, or not there.
YOU were where you were suppose to be that morning. That simple. Try not to make this hurt anymore then it should, in regret, in wondering what it was.....
In his perception of you....
You know how to find me...
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Love,
Tina
Hi MJ,
It's not too late to talk to him, I believe he is still around you and can see and hear everything you do or say.
He knows you love him and he loves you too.
I'm sorry today is rough for you, as Sharonn said, 4 years wasn't long ago. I hope the day gets better for you.
Love,
Liz
It's not too late to talk to him, I believe he is still around you and can see and hear everything you do or say.
He knows you love him and he loves you too.
I'm sorry today is rough for you, as Sharonn said, 4 years wasn't long ago. I hope the day gets better for you.
Love,
Liz
Both of you thanks.See I plan on letting myself hurt today & hopefully at some point go to that cemetary & saying goodbye.When all this happen what he thought of me was true.
I was nothing but a drug addict in his eyes.and I was,I dont remember much of his furneral,I remember my sister me pill after pill of lortabs,I remember going to the Dr & getting pills.
So all this time I held it in & HATED myself for failing him.More important...I hated HIM for failing me.
Tina as far as what you said....I truley believe he just wanted my mom & sister there.And I WAS where I should of been,by my beautiful Anne.
I knew for many years even after they seperated my mom was my dads love of life & my sister was his everything.I may never understand WHY it happened like I did.s*** at this point I dont care why he didnt like me let alone love me,I just need to let myself grieve so I can finally say good bye.
I feel Im strong enough today to try & do this.I am not popping pills to live anymore,Im getting out in the world & actually living not just staying at home letting it pass me by.Im an awesome mother to my youngest & a darn good one to my oldest.Both my daughter feel my love,both my girls can tell me anything without fear of judgement.....Im the type of parent that maybe he wished he could be.
For me writing it out,feeling it,letting myself hurt & dealing with this pain instead of blocking it out is to me an important process in my recovery.
thank you liz
I was nothing but a drug addict in his eyes.and I was,I dont remember much of his furneral,I remember my sister me pill after pill of lortabs,I remember going to the Dr & getting pills.
So all this time I held it in & HATED myself for failing him.More important...I hated HIM for failing me.
Tina as far as what you said....I truley believe he just wanted my mom & sister there.And I WAS where I should of been,by my beautiful Anne.
I knew for many years even after they seperated my mom was my dads love of life & my sister was his everything.I may never understand WHY it happened like I did.s*** at this point I dont care why he didnt like me let alone love me,I just need to let myself grieve so I can finally say good bye.
I feel Im strong enough today to try & do this.I am not popping pills to live anymore,Im getting out in the world & actually living not just staying at home letting it pass me by.Im an awesome mother to my youngest & a darn good one to my oldest.Both my daughter feel my love,both my girls can tell me anything without fear of judgement.....Im the type of parent that maybe he wished he could be.
For me writing it out,feeling it,letting myself hurt & dealing with this pain instead of blocking it out is to me an important process in my recovery.
thank you liz
MJ,
I'm thinking of you today. I'm sure your father loved you and didn't know how to show you. The disagreements you had here won't matter when join him someday. I'm so sorry that your heart is hurting today. Do something special today, if you can. I wish I had words to make it easier for you....
(((((HUG))))))
I'm thinking of you today. I'm sure your father loved you and didn't know how to show you. The disagreements you had here won't matter when join him someday. I'm so sorry that your heart is hurting today. Do something special today, if you can. I wish I had words to make it easier for you....
(((((HUG))))))
Mj..............this day has finally come........
i am so glad that you decided to open up about this on the board............
its early and there are already people here to support you..............
with good hearts................
you guys should come in the goos more often...........=^_^=
Mj keep letting it pour out , all the way out............
because your gonna be amazed at the healing your body will begin to do.....
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MJ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
please know that i will be praying for you today................
that i will be thinking about all day...............
i hope you feel my spirit lifting yours up..............
i love you molly jean..............
thumper
i am so glad that you decided to open up about this on the board............
its early and there are already people here to support you..............
with good hearts................
you guys should come in the goos more often...........=^_^=
Mj keep letting it pour out , all the way out............
because your gonna be amazed at the healing your body will begin to do.....
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MJ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
please know that i will be praying for you today................
that i will be thinking about all day...............
i hope you feel my spirit lifting yours up..............
i love you molly jean..............
thumper
Atlas....you did have words for helping.
Ill come right out & say this...Ive been talking with Thumper alot about this & I finally feel this faith thing,this HP Ive heard so much about.While talking with her I realized that my posting here & getting these feelings out is a positive thing for me.
Not only to get these feelings out but because I know no matter what that you all will be cyberally,mentally holding me & I will be getting the support I need on this.Im no longer scared to share one of the most painful moment with not only you guys but to realize myself..."Yeah this hurts like Hell"but Im going to grow from this pain.
Like I said I hope more than anytrhing that sometime today,I can go to that cemetary,place a rose on the grave that holds my dad,his mom & his dad & Ill say goodbye for the first time with a clear mind to my dad.
I know I can never change what has been but I must face what happen changed me.
Right now I just need the support I get from here,something that has always helped me in my darkest moments
I love you Thumper & youll never know how grateful I am we are friends
Ill come right out & say this...Ive been talking with Thumper alot about this & I finally feel this faith thing,this HP Ive heard so much about.While talking with her I realized that my posting here & getting these feelings out is a positive thing for me.
Not only to get these feelings out but because I know no matter what that you all will be cyberally,mentally holding me & I will be getting the support I need on this.Im no longer scared to share one of the most painful moment with not only you guys but to realize myself..."Yeah this hurts like Hell"but Im going to grow from this pain.
Like I said I hope more than anytrhing that sometime today,I can go to that cemetary,place a rose on the grave that holds my dad,his mom & his dad & Ill say goodbye for the first time with a clear mind to my dad.
I know I can never change what has been but I must face what happen changed me.
Right now I just need the support I get from here,something that has always helped me in my darkest moments
I love you Thumper & youll never know how grateful I am we are friends
I often think about my mother, sister, dad, fianc, two of my best friends who died, it is part of life, we are born to die. Hurt? you bet, devastated yep, but you go on and I know I will see them all again, and it will be the most wonderful reunion of all.
If I didn't have my faith, I would have never been able to handle it. The past is just that, the past, I only think of the good memories, not what could or should have been. I have no regrets, cant' turn back the hands of time. If you do it will drive you crazy.
I am very fortunate I was with my mother when she took her last breath. I was where I was supposed to be.
Had I gone home the night my fiance' died, I would have been there when he passed on. It wasn't meant for me to be there. See I would have stayed with him like I always did, but I had a presentation to write for work. I always put him before work, so why didn't I that night? Only God knows this one. I said the what ifs, at first, then realized that got me nowhere but more hurt inside. I accepted the fact that things happen as they do for a good reason.
If I didn't have my faith, I would have never been able to handle it. The past is just that, the past, I only think of the good memories, not what could or should have been. I have no regrets, cant' turn back the hands of time. If you do it will drive you crazy.
I am very fortunate I was with my mother when she took her last breath. I was where I was supposed to be.
Had I gone home the night my fiance' died, I would have been there when he passed on. It wasn't meant for me to be there. See I would have stayed with him like I always did, but I had a presentation to write for work. I always put him before work, so why didn't I that night? Only God knows this one. I said the what ifs, at first, then realized that got me nowhere but more hurt inside. I accepted the fact that things happen as they do for a good reason.
your doing the right thing molly...........
its like holding a feather in your hand and letting it go in the wind.....
if holding that feather helped you well then i would say hold on to it........
but this feather is not, i am positive now that your father has crossed over that
he is sorry and the last thing he would want is for his daughter that he brought into this world and help raise up to be a wonderful lady.......
to hold on the a pinful past and to hold on to his words...........
i am sure he wants his daughter to be happy and enjoy her life.......
ya know i was thinking............remember when you told me the things he said in the hospital........
i thinki have explation for that..........it was the morphine....
for example molly.......when my mom had her gallbladder out years ago they hooked a morphine PCA to her (pump)....
and molly........she pinched me and hit me on my leg and swore at me...
she said she was mad at me beacuse she knew i did not take a shower beofre i sat on her bed...........LOL..........then she told me to go and take a shower "right Now!"..........
and when the nurse came in....she smiled at the nurse and pinched me under the blanket..........so morphine can make you weird...........and say things you dont mean........my mom still apliozes to me till this day.....
and that her room mates were people on the front pourch.......
they could hear everthing , i was only 16 and i was so embarressed.......
we laugh so hard about it today..........until my mom almost pees her pants..
so you see molly sometimes the medication have you saying weird things.....
can you forgive your dad?
thumper
its like holding a feather in your hand and letting it go in the wind.....
if holding that feather helped you well then i would say hold on to it........
but this feather is not, i am positive now that your father has crossed over that
he is sorry and the last thing he would want is for his daughter that he brought into this world and help raise up to be a wonderful lady.......
to hold on the a pinful past and to hold on to his words...........
i am sure he wants his daughter to be happy and enjoy her life.......
ya know i was thinking............remember when you told me the things he said in the hospital........
i thinki have explation for that..........it was the morphine....
for example molly.......when my mom had her gallbladder out years ago they hooked a morphine PCA to her (pump)....
and molly........she pinched me and hit me on my leg and swore at me...
she said she was mad at me beacuse she knew i did not take a shower beofre i sat on her bed...........LOL..........then she told me to go and take a shower "right Now!"..........
and when the nurse came in....she smiled at the nurse and pinched me under the blanket..........so morphine can make you weird...........and say things you dont mean........my mom still apliozes to me till this day.....
and that her room mates were people on the front pourch.......
they could hear everthing , i was only 16 and i was so embarressed.......
we laugh so hard about it today..........until my mom almost pees her pants..
so you see molly sometimes the medication have you saying weird things.....
can you forgive your dad?
thumper
No matter what happens in this life..the love never dies..for what it's worth...my dad and I were pretty close...even though my parents were divorced since I was 7...when I did see him..I felt a special bond..plus LOL I inherited his ocd's about cleanliness....anyway...he was an alcoholic, and I spent much of my childhood sitting in some bar, with a fistfull of quarters(jukebox), and a coke with a cherry in it. (To thid day, I hate coke( I never hated him or judged him..he was clearly a sick man...died from complications due to smoking and drinking, at the age of 49. It was a long time ago. It still hurts. But my love for him, and his love for me will never die. As with my mom, with whom I never got along with. She passed whren I left the room. They know what you are feeling. As Liz said....you can believe it. When my mom died I was very distraught. I had to pick up her ashes at the funeral home....all the relatives had left and the fanfare died down..no more sympathy cards and well meaning friends offering their support. I was in my Jeep which can only pick up one radio station here...1007/HUD...so..I am driving north on 9D towards Beacon and start freaking out in the car...crying hystreically right near Breakneck Ridge(mountain). I could not conceive of the notion of my MOM....being in a can. So, in order to pull myself together, I pulled over and turned on the radio...static, then, a man starts speaking about "At the end of life...there is no judgement or punishment. just God's love and our own review of our lives....I think I am cracking up. I turn it off..WTH? So I look at the station and there are no #'s...just this guy talking. I start to pick up my cell to tell my sister..she wouldn't believe me, so I keep driving and listening to this man talk. Then the screen said AM (whatever station )and obviously it was a religious station...he continued to talk and I swear it was like my mom was trying to reach out and comfort me. No one else drove that car who would touch my dials so I didn't get it. At the end of his commentary,a man said "This was an excerpt from Charles Swindoll"...the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I had a meditation book on my kitchen table by him...I was reading a daily excerpt each day to get me thru....what a coincidence! I turn it off and felt like it might be some kind of miracle, but still skeptical...turn off the radio..run into the house and stare at the book.Close my eyes and open to a page...it said "Hooray fotr Mom(the only reference in the entire book on mothers) I then go back to my car and turn it on...turn radio on and it was on WHUD(never touched the dial) To this day I feel this was more than coincidence and often think about it when I lose faith. Sorry to be so long winded but you should never give up hope....Love you, S
Boy thumper I had forgotten about the morphine mom was on and the things that came out of her mouth. The nurses told us it was the medication, not her thoughts.
Some things bothered us she was saying, and we were like 'where is she getting this stuff'. But we knew when she smiled and died; she saw something pleasant. I would like to think it was heaven.
Some things bothered us she was saying, and we were like 'where is she getting this stuff'. But we knew when she smiled and died; she saw something pleasant. I would like to think it was heaven.
Goos morning all,
Taday is not so goos for me either. I have a lot of stress right now. My cell phone got disconnected, sucks for me.
Mj,
I am sorry for how you are feeling. I think death can be really hard to get over, especially when it is one of your parents. I have never lost a parent, well my father died when I was young, but I didn't know him. I dread the day I have to go through that. But we never know when it will come. Kinda scares me, so I don't like to think about it.
Thumper,
I called you last night, but then my phone got disconnected.
Taday is not so goos for me either. I have a lot of stress right now. My cell phone got disconnected, sucks for me.
Mj,
I am sorry for how you are feeling. I think death can be really hard to get over, especially when it is one of your parents. I have never lost a parent, well my father died when I was young, but I didn't know him. I dread the day I have to go through that. But we never know when it will come. Kinda scares me, so I don't like to think about it.
Thumper,
I called you last night, but then my phone got disconnected.
Sharon......Thank you for sharing that.And long winded????LOL Girl with me you can be as long winded as you need.Youve always known that.
You brought back memories too.Talking about being in a bar with a handful of quaters & playing pinball & listening to music.
I also remember the fights before my folks broke up.THAT is where my issues lie I think.I seem to remember only the bad while my sister remembers the good(as she was the princess)If I sound bitter against her,than I probaly am alittle still.I remember after he died trying to take care of her because she was a wreak & because I knew thats what he would of wanted.
finally the day came months later I just couldnt take it & I said to her....At least you had a father to miss...It never dawned on her how bad I was hurting.Heck it never dawned on me until I pulled my head out of my butt.Thats the reason Im LETTING IT HURT & if I get mad at being hurt so be it.I need to do this,Ive held onto this for so long,I never even talked to Mikey about this & he was here with me through it all.
Thumper ya know I know your right & thats what my sister said too but it hurts...it still hurts.I wasnt some street bum I was his flesh & blood.I was told over & over I was suppose to be a son.If I had been a male doing what I was doing the SOB would of been proud of me.Instead he was ashamed.
I think a part of me will always wounder what its like to have a dad that loves & wants you.
A part of me(as pitiful as this sounds)I guess will always long for the daddy I never had...I wish I could change how things were between us,I wish he could see how strong Ive become,what a giving loving woman I am.
If he does see me now....I hope at last ...hes proud
You brought back memories too.Talking about being in a bar with a handful of quaters & playing pinball & listening to music.
I also remember the fights before my folks broke up.THAT is where my issues lie I think.I seem to remember only the bad while my sister remembers the good(as she was the princess)If I sound bitter against her,than I probaly am alittle still.I remember after he died trying to take care of her because she was a wreak & because I knew thats what he would of wanted.
finally the day came months later I just couldnt take it & I said to her....At least you had a father to miss...It never dawned on her how bad I was hurting.Heck it never dawned on me until I pulled my head out of my butt.Thats the reason Im LETTING IT HURT & if I get mad at being hurt so be it.I need to do this,Ive held onto this for so long,I never even talked to Mikey about this & he was here with me through it all.
Thumper ya know I know your right & thats what my sister said too but it hurts...it still hurts.I wasnt some street bum I was his flesh & blood.I was told over & over I was suppose to be a son.If I had been a male doing what I was doing the SOB would of been proud of me.Instead he was ashamed.
I think a part of me will always wounder what its like to have a dad that loves & wants you.
A part of me(as pitiful as this sounds)I guess will always long for the daddy I never had...I wish I could change how things were between us,I wish he could see how strong Ive become,what a giving loving woman I am.
If he does see me now....I hope at last ...hes proud
MJ,
I went through a grieving course and read grieving books. You really need to know that what you are going through is very normal. There are no set time lines for grief. It comes when it has to. I think if you find a grief book to read, you'll feel so much better about how you feel. Believing in a better life to come helps to make grief more bearable.
Many men don't know how to go about communicating what they feel and think with their wives, daughters, etc. He probably was frustrated by not being able to tell you what he was feeling and "make" you stop the self destruction. It's hard to stand by and watch a train wreck, but that is what parents must do if a grown child gets out of hand. You both will understand this better one day.
Pray for his soul and try not to make the same mistakes with your own family. You were a good daughter and spent as much time with him as possible at the end. Tina is absolutely right.
I went through a grieving course and read grieving books. You really need to know that what you are going through is very normal. There are no set time lines for grief. It comes when it has to. I think if you find a grief book to read, you'll feel so much better about how you feel. Believing in a better life to come helps to make grief more bearable.
Many men don't know how to go about communicating what they feel and think with their wives, daughters, etc. He probably was frustrated by not being able to tell you what he was feeling and "make" you stop the self destruction. It's hard to stand by and watch a train wreck, but that is what parents must do if a grown child gets out of hand. You both will understand this better one day.
Pray for his soul and try not to make the same mistakes with your own family. You were a good daughter and spent as much time with him as possible at the end. Tina is absolutely right.
Mj- I too went through the death of a parent recently..it's hard..but your father loved you. Think about your own kids. Is there anything way you could not love them? Is there anything they could even possibly do that would diminish your love for them? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. He might not of showed it or seemed like he did, but he loved you.
MJ- I sent you two emails just now, Hope you got them.
This is truly a hard day for you, but you really are doing the right thing, letting go of some of anger and hurt, will allow you to move forward..
My Dad is still alive and I still cannot bring myself to talk to him about all the hurt and anger I have for him, and I wonder sometimes if that will ever change before one of us dies. I see my mother who had to stuggle so hard to get away from him and his abuse it just makes me sick at him, and now she is the one who is terminally Ill.........It just sucks.
I so admire your strength and courage to do this. One of the things I love so much about you........
Also I agree with Atlas, It seems as if your dad truly did love you but just didnt know how to show it...........and you were hurt because of that.
Find some peace today............You are so loved here.
Hugs.
This is truly a hard day for you, but you really are doing the right thing, letting go of some of anger and hurt, will allow you to move forward..
My Dad is still alive and I still cannot bring myself to talk to him about all the hurt and anger I have for him, and I wonder sometimes if that will ever change before one of us dies. I see my mother who had to stuggle so hard to get away from him and his abuse it just makes me sick at him, and now she is the one who is terminally Ill.........It just sucks.
I so admire your strength and courage to do this. One of the things I love so much about you........
Also I agree with Atlas, It seems as if your dad truly did love you but just didnt know how to show it...........and you were hurt because of that.
Find some peace today............You are so loved here.
Hugs.
Petsmom & Danny
Thank you & I know what Im doing now is something I should of done 4 years ago but I choose to drug it all out.so now Im at the point where I am stronger,sober & can face this.Ill probaly have my tears on & off all day but at the end of the day a know I just believe a part of me will be healed.
Oh I think Pets you hit it because yes I know what its like to watch a child go into self destruct mode.and Im blessed,because maybe just maybe because of what I felt I missed growing up it has helped me be a better parent.
I have the trust of both my girls.Im proud that they feel safe & comming to me with anything(even things Id rather not know yet).
Both my girls have had moments like all teens & young women do but they both know that theres NOTHING in this world that could EVER stop my loving them.
It is possiable the childhood I had helped more than hurt & thats why today is important to me......Its a day of healing for me
Thank you & I know what Im doing now is something I should of done 4 years ago but I choose to drug it all out.so now Im at the point where I am stronger,sober & can face this.Ill probaly have my tears on & off all day but at the end of the day a know I just believe a part of me will be healed.
Oh I think Pets you hit it because yes I know what its like to watch a child go into self destruct mode.and Im blessed,because maybe just maybe because of what I felt I missed growing up it has helped me be a better parent.
I have the trust of both my girls.Im proud that they feel safe & comming to me with anything(even things Id rather not know yet).
Both my girls have had moments like all teens & young women do but they both know that theres NOTHING in this world that could EVER stop my loving them.
It is possiable the childhood I had helped more than hurt & thats why today is important to me......Its a day of healing for me
MJ thankyou so much for helping me today.
I had a bit of a ruck with my daughter yesterday but after reading your post i rung her up. ((hugs)) jaxx
I had a bit of a ruck with my daughter yesterday but after reading your post i rung her up. ((hugs)) jaxx
mj
i am so sorry for the loss of your father and i will say a prayer for you right now: dear heavenly father please bring comfort to molly today as it is the anniversary of her fathers passing, she feels guilt Lord, help the guilt to leave her because Father molly has not done anything wrong. let her know that she has a father and always will, that father is you dear Lord her heavenly father. hold in your arms dear Lord mollys earthly father tell him they will make the ammends needed and together they will be in a place where there will be no more pain or suffering, no more tears, no more addiction.... father i want to thank you for bringing mj into my life because you know dear Lord the pain i have in my heart about my father. i think you have sent molly to me for a reason dear Lord to help me heal from the pain i endure daily about what my father did to me, and Lord may i be a comfort to her as well. in your sons name i pray and give you thanks for sending us your dear son, help us all to reflect on that this holiday season, the real meaning of Christmas amen.
molly i told you i felt a connection to you and to thumper. and when i read your goos this morning and you mentioned your dad and your feelings about him,i am convinced that God has a plan.
molly i was terribly molested by my dad and he made me kill my unborn child, my adult life has been so affected by that and the abuse i suffered from my mom and siblings as well, we are all estranged and it hurts me so bad that i have parents who are not 6 feet under, yet they are gone... molly ygm, i have sent one email a few days back did you get it? love julie
i am so sorry for the loss of your father and i will say a prayer for you right now: dear heavenly father please bring comfort to molly today as it is the anniversary of her fathers passing, she feels guilt Lord, help the guilt to leave her because Father molly has not done anything wrong. let her know that she has a father and always will, that father is you dear Lord her heavenly father. hold in your arms dear Lord mollys earthly father tell him they will make the ammends needed and together they will be in a place where there will be no more pain or suffering, no more tears, no more addiction.... father i want to thank you for bringing mj into my life because you know dear Lord the pain i have in my heart about my father. i think you have sent molly to me for a reason dear Lord to help me heal from the pain i endure daily about what my father did to me, and Lord may i be a comfort to her as well. in your sons name i pray and give you thanks for sending us your dear son, help us all to reflect on that this holiday season, the real meaning of Christmas amen.
molly i told you i felt a connection to you and to thumper. and when i read your goos this morning and you mentioned your dad and your feelings about him,i am convinced that God has a plan.
molly i was terribly molested by my dad and he made me kill my unborn child, my adult life has been so affected by that and the abuse i suffered from my mom and siblings as well, we are all estranged and it hurts me so bad that i have parents who are not 6 feet under, yet they are gone... molly ygm, i have sent one email a few days back did you get it? love julie
