note to self:
Rage. feeling so much rage and have no idea where its coming from...PMS???
I am angry and pissed off, cant get the motivation to clean the house or get ready for Christmas. Perhaps not having the pills to give me that.....what is it???? boost, cheer, false bravado????? is getting to me. Im just so angry. sticking to the taper but angry. switch from anger to tears in an instant. this isnt me.............wtf????????
I will feel better...i will feel better hang on......
hang on...stick to your taper.
Hugs to self,
Ali
I love James Frey Writing style too LOL!
Hang on Ali. Angerr is an umbrella emotion used to cover fear. Are you getting down there on your taper? The fear of losing your best friend and soul mate is tough. That would be the pills. You'll get through this if you continue on the path of your will.
Ben
Hang on Ali. Angerr is an umbrella emotion used to cover fear. Are you getting down there on your taper? The fear of losing your best friend and soul mate is tough. That would be the pills. You'll get through this if you continue on the path of your will.
Ben
Ben,
Was i writing like him? Gosh thats no good, if I hang around with friends that have an accent I start talking like them too....lm like a sponge i guess, in a bad way.....anyway ben yes..down to 5 and angry as hell, not good to be around at all...i do appreciate the support Ben...hopefully this wont last...crap..i've already got someone pissed at me for a comment about dorothy having had the power all along........( thought that was apostive statement)
i guess i should stay away from the board for a couple of days...dont want to spread this negative toxic poison spewing from my brain.
Now keep running to make your ammends, Your inspiring me daily.
Big mad Bitchy hug,
Ali
Was i writing like him? Gosh thats no good, if I hang around with friends that have an accent I start talking like them too....lm like a sponge i guess, in a bad way.....anyway ben yes..down to 5 and angry as hell, not good to be around at all...i do appreciate the support Ben...hopefully this wont last...crap..i've already got someone pissed at me for a comment about dorothy having had the power all along........( thought that was apostive statement)
i guess i should stay away from the board for a couple of days...dont want to spread this negative toxic poison spewing from my brain.
Now keep running to make your ammends, Your inspiring me daily.
Big mad Bitchy hug,
Ali
Ben,
Just reread your post....it was so good. Sounds like youve been here.
Im so grateful to you.
Thankyou,
Now im crying what a wuss....bitchy wuss.....lol
Hugs,
Ali
Just reread your post....it was so good. Sounds like youve been here.
Im so grateful to you.
Thankyou,
Now im crying what a wuss....bitchy wuss.....lol
Hugs,
Ali
Hey Ali, sorry to hear that you aren't having one of the best days. Hang in there dear, things will get better. If you would like to email me please feel free to do so.
Pam,
Just read your post at the other site, then came here and here you are again.lol
Thanks for thinking of me. will email you in a bit. cant believe how crappy i feel today..im actually scared of myself!
Hugs,
Ali
Just read your post at the other site, then came here and here you are again.lol
Thanks for thinking of me. will email you in a bit. cant believe how crappy i feel today..im actually scared of myself!
Hugs,
Ali
Ali: Boy have I had those days. Still do sometimes. I think it comes with Life. I of course thought that getting drug free would allow me to be calm and loving at all times. ha ha ha. Some days I want to lock myself in a room and scream. Just remember, it's only a bad day, not a life sentance. Some days are just crappy days for absolutly no good reason. I don't even have any good ideas for you, except to keep breathing. The day will be whatgever it is, and then it will be the next day. That day will be different, they always are. That's the joy of life I guess. Each day is another chance to be the best of who we are meant to be.
jaci
jaci
Jaci,
How do you do that??
calm me with your words.
Thankyou
Big grateful hug,
Ali
How do you do that??
calm me with your words.
Thankyou
Big grateful hug,
Ali
YGM
wiverson,
ive seen you post that before but dont know what it means...
YOU GO MAN?
YOU...just figured it out..lolol
Ill go check..lol
Hugs,
Ali
ive seen you post that before but dont know what it means...
YOU GO MAN?
YOU...just figured it out..lolol
Ill go check..lol
Hugs,
Ali
Hey Ali,
I want to wish you all the best on your road to recovery. I posted for the first time a couple of days ago, and you gave me some great advice. Sometimes the road is going to be rough, and you'll think to yourself that you'll never make it. But just be strong, pray, and you will make it. We're all rooting for you!
Flowers
I want to wish you all the best on your road to recovery. I posted for the first time a couple of days ago, and you gave me some great advice. Sometimes the road is going to be rough, and you'll think to yourself that you'll never make it. But just be strong, pray, and you will make it. We're all rooting for you!
Flowers
Flowers,
Your name alone makes me smile.
i needed to smile today.
thankyou.
Hugs,
Ali
Your name alone makes me smile.
i needed to smile today.
thankyou.
Hugs,
Ali
Note to self:
You made it through yesterday...barely but made it...felt like you were going to die, mental pain the likes of which youve never seen.
In a moment of rage, you let your husbands birds out of their cage for pecking at you, after all he said if they are driving you that nuts....get rid of them ...didnt he know how crazy you were.....he wasnt gone 2 mins, you got pecked and picked the cage up, outside to the snow. opened the door and watched in horror as they....flew the coupe......you panicked....whathad you done?? theyd surely freeze!!! So like a wild woman with your housecoat still on you started crying, yelling "COME BACK".."COME BACK";making pathetic finch noices, to entice them back into the saftey of the cage..........threw yourself on the snow when you realized they werent coming back...........cried for 10 mins in the snow...questioned your sanity.
But you made it through, feel better today, though you are sure the dog is passing judgement on you. He stares at you, then the empty cage. This is your guilty conscience, something you excel in lately.Guilt.
You are still tapering, youve been tested and tested once more, you did not let yourself down. You are at 5 pills a day...less than a month it was up to at least 30............youve come so far..how COULD YOU TURN BACK NOW???
Youve had moments of feeling good, like the old pre-pill you, moments you laughed out loud, laughed till your stomach hurt...You did a little song and dance for hubby when the "hands in your pocket " commercial came on. He laughed and kissed you. You froze frame his smile in your mind. Freeze framed his face...frozen for future use....hes so much older than you..you worry one day..he wont be here to laugh with you.........but You both laughed...You werent high...didnt that feel great. ?? hes here now...you have to love him and live in the moment...
you are capable of enjoying your life WITHOUT numbing your brain with pain pills....mental pain will come but you are strong and you will ride it through, stronger for having lived it.
Not to self. Your doing good. Keep it up!
Hug to self,
Ali
You made it through yesterday...barely but made it...felt like you were going to die, mental pain the likes of which youve never seen.
In a moment of rage, you let your husbands birds out of their cage for pecking at you, after all he said if they are driving you that nuts....get rid of them ...didnt he know how crazy you were.....he wasnt gone 2 mins, you got pecked and picked the cage up, outside to the snow. opened the door and watched in horror as they....flew the coupe......you panicked....whathad you done?? theyd surely freeze!!! So like a wild woman with your housecoat still on you started crying, yelling "COME BACK".."COME BACK";making pathetic finch noices, to entice them back into the saftey of the cage..........threw yourself on the snow when you realized they werent coming back...........cried for 10 mins in the snow...questioned your sanity.
But you made it through, feel better today, though you are sure the dog is passing judgement on you. He stares at you, then the empty cage. This is your guilty conscience, something you excel in lately.Guilt.
You are still tapering, youve been tested and tested once more, you did not let yourself down. You are at 5 pills a day...less than a month it was up to at least 30............youve come so far..how COULD YOU TURN BACK NOW???
Youve had moments of feeling good, like the old pre-pill you, moments you laughed out loud, laughed till your stomach hurt...You did a little song and dance for hubby when the "hands in your pocket " commercial came on. He laughed and kissed you. You froze frame his smile in your mind. Freeze framed his face...frozen for future use....hes so much older than you..you worry one day..he wont be here to laugh with you.........but You both laughed...You werent high...didnt that feel great. ?? hes here now...you have to love him and live in the moment...
you are capable of enjoying your life WITHOUT numbing your brain with pain pills....mental pain will come but you are strong and you will ride it through, stronger for having lived it.
Not to self. Your doing good. Keep it up!
Hug to self,
Ali
Way to go Ali...............You are getting there...Hey at least you didn't kill the bird, like I did...lmfao...yeah, i really did kill the bird here.......YIKES.... I got in trouble too....lol
what????????? Do tell..come on your just trying to make me feel better..
right?
Hugs,
ALi
right?
Hugs,
ALi
I swear, I killed the parrot... Yes mam, I did, I did....Ewwwwwww, did I ever get into trouble.... See, I didn't mean to do it, lmfao....do we ever mean to do it? LMFAO, again....
I was w/d from oxycontin and a bunch of other junk at the end of January and the first of February of this year and Heck, it gets cold in Florida, if ya can believe that one. Anyhow, I left the bird outside in his cage and I guess he froze to death. LOL, now............Oh, he was mean as chit and he would bite the crap out of everyone.
That bird was my husbands bird too and boy oh boy was he pissed, but ya know what, he got over it and we won't be having anymore damn birds here....End of Story... Oh, I accidentally on purpose let the Peach Faced Love Bird fly away too..............LOL........
I was w/d from oxycontin and a bunch of other junk at the end of January and the first of February of this year and Heck, it gets cold in Florida, if ya can believe that one. Anyhow, I left the bird outside in his cage and I guess he froze to death. LOL, now............Oh, he was mean as chit and he would bite the crap out of everyone.
That bird was my husbands bird too and boy oh boy was he pissed, but ya know what, he got over it and we won't be having anymore damn birds here....End of Story... Oh, I accidentally on purpose let the Peach Faced Love Bird fly away too..............LOL........
Pam,
LOLOLO
Thanks for making me laugh...someone told me that they were born to the skies so.............anyway hopefully I'll be able to laugh at MY bird story..rright now..i just feel bad, and have the cage outside with door open...hoping they'll return..secretly praying they are safe but wont....
...LOL thanks for sharing that story Pam...makes me feel better.
Hugs,
Ali
LOLOLO
Thanks for making me laugh...someone told me that they were born to the skies so.............anyway hopefully I'll be able to laugh at MY bird story..rright now..i just feel bad, and have the cage outside with door open...hoping they'll return..secretly praying they are safe but wont....
...LOL thanks for sharing that story Pam...makes me feel better.
Hugs,
Ali
I'm still LMFAO.............thanks for letting me share.......and remembering....
Ali,
I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing at you saying that you have the cage outside with the door open. That is soooooo something that I would do... "maybe they'll smell their scent and come home...."
Girl, as my husband would say...I would s*** a brick if I went and saw those birds back in that cage.... LOLOL
You're such a sweetie
Stac
I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing at you saying that you have the cage outside with the door open. That is soooooo something that I would do... "maybe they'll smell their scent and come home...."
Girl, as my husband would say...I would s*** a brick if I went and saw those birds back in that cage.... LOLOL
You're such a sweetie
Stac
Stacey,
LOLOL...your too funny..crikes...by the way Ben did post a link to the song...get it from his 2nd post, not the first as that one didnt work..
Let me know if you like it...
realizing for me,
There aint no Arizona,
Your bud,
Ali
LOLOL...your too funny..crikes...by the way Ben did post a link to the song...get it from his 2nd post, not the first as that one didnt work..
Let me know if you like it...
realizing for me,
There aint no Arizona,
Your bud,
Ali
