Ok Time For Mollyjean To Come Clean

OK first this is so hard for me,I hope I don't let too many of my friends down,but I have learned from being here that if your not honest you waste everybodys time.So here it goes,as most of you know I have a nasty ultram addiction,.I gave it my best shot to taper only to sneak pills in like the jerk I am.I guess I felt like I just couldn't tell the truth.I have been doing worse for a couple days I mean real bad.Today was the day you all should know what I mean.I went to my MD who is the only one in my area to be able to prescibe suboxone and I fessed up everything.This Dr has been with me since I was 17 he knows now of how bad my addiction is.SO as of Monday I start the Suboxone.I am really scared knowing I have to be in W/D for 24 hours.After I left his office I did something that was even harder for me.I went to my mom who has known for years about my probaly and I told her all.I also asked her if she would take the rest of my prescription for ultram as shes on it but only takes 1 maybe 1 1/2 as needed.And I figured that she deserves them.I was really surprised of her reaction.I have tears now because she was nice to me and just well acted like a mom.I am so sorry for not being honest with you all.You have given me nothing but support and I don't blame any of you that get really upset with me.I know I don't have the right to ask this and I don't know if I'm even allowed to come to the board anymore but I know I will need help to get through the w/ds.Please forgive my weakness.If I'm not welcome here anymore I will totally understand,but I am very sorry and now I'm getting really scared not knowing if I can do this.Anyways I felt you all deserved to know the truth,so I am sorry for letting you and myself down.A very sad.....mj
Congatulatioons MJ for taking the first step in your recovery, being honest with yourself...it takes a lot of courage to face your problem head on and tackle the problem. Its great you can get on the sub, if you have any questions feel free to ask me, I also did the sub route and it worked for me.
As addicts we all lie at some point to others and ourself, thats the nature of the beast so dont worry about the past only worry about the future.

Good luck
JohnDee


MJ.....STOP IT!!!!!!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! Quit beating yourself up like this. You have been around long enough to know that we love you, will support you, will NOT judge you and, although we care that you relapsed, we will not hold it against you. We will help you.

You went to the Dr. and confessed all. You did the right thing towards getting your addiction under control. Why do you feel so guilty? You should be so proud of yourself. This is a great day for you, your family, your Mom! Will you just quit being so hard on yourself??? Please!

I have read so much on board about the Sub. Sounds pretty good in most cases. If I were you, I would be so excited to know there is a plan in place and it's all because you make up your mind to do the right thing....and did it!!

You have been so kind and helpful to everyone here. You, of all people, know that us addicts have a really hard time with this recovery thing. Now, pick yourself up and put a smile on your face. You are on your way to a new and better life and there is no quilt or shame allowed there. OK? Write me back and let me know that you get it!!!!

With much love, Carol
MJ- We love you.
look mj
i know that you feel you have let everybody down well that's bull crapp i believe noone has been let down. and as for the w/d's 24 hrs ain't gonna be bad and after that i believe you are gonna have a real chance. as far as i am concerned you are always welcome on this board, afterall "let him that has no sin cast the first stone" we will always be here for you. i just want to know how the sub works for you if i can't do it this time it may be something i can save up to try. i have no ins. and i hear it is real expensive. pray that i can and will do it this time.
hey, and when you are able to feel again just think of what God can do in your life then
sending lots of faith
johnny
A quick answer before I'm out the door to get dinner,A quick answer just to say....YES I GET IT AND GOD THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!!!mj
MJ, dont worry about the withdrawals for that 24 hour period, it wasn't as bad as I thought, probably because I knew help was on the way.
You can do it, you'll be fine, post here if your not feeling well and we'll help you through it.
Moms right, you should be very proud of yourself, dont beat yourself up, give yourself a pat on the back for taking a step in the right direction, its going to workout, you'll see.

JohnDee

i love you as well always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MJ:

Way to go. Rigorous honesty is what it's all about. You're doing the footwork and that's what counts. Congratulations on the first day of the rest of your life. I would suggest starting a program either AA/NA for learning the tools to stay clean and sober. Take care.

RAch


MJ..........OK, good. To even suggest we would not want you on the board, you! You are just feeling bad today, and when the dust settles you will realize that your honesty and kind heart have saved your life. Probably a few other lives have been made much better because of you, too. So, you hold your head high, girlfriend!
I am off now to hang with my daughter and do stuff in the "city" tonight. I will not be back on until tomorrow. But you and the others will be in my thoughts and prayers. I am so proud of you! I know you're going to do fine with this and succeed. Take care of yourself! We will always be here for you, no matter what.

Love, Carol
MJ: NONE OF US ARE PERFECT......ATLEAST YOU MUST FEEL A WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED? AND WHEN IT IS SAID AND DONE....I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU TO CARRY SOME OF YOUR LOAD!!!! IF YOU NEED TO TALK...YOU HAVE MY EMAIL.........PLEASE USE IT!!!! HUGS.......JENNY2
MJ, for me, it was days 2-5 that were rough, not the first twenty four hours, so you'll be just fine. You'll be a little anxious and nervous, but just keep counting down the hours and know that help will be there soon.

As far as the other thing, you have not let anyone down...... We are all here to HELP each other, not judge. None of us are God and I'm sure we've all done the same thing you have..... Lying to other people is one thing, but lying to yourself is another.... you just got honest with yourself and now you are REALLY on your road to recovery. YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS!

We are all here for you...... if you want to email me, my email address is danni80419@aol.com .... or I'm always on here..... We'll be here for you every step of the way.
Danielle
Hello eveyone...Im back now that dinner is all set.You guys just when I feel so down on myself I still have to strange it is to feel love for people I never met.Listen from Sunday on I may end up being here 24/7 but I want all of you to know yes I got a ruff road ahead but I will still be here to help anyone I always feel better trying to help anyone on here.So on that note I'll be here for a bit jumping post to post saying hi.....love....mj
Hey Molly,
I am so proud of you......what a great first step. How could anyone be upset at all.....You came here and supported and loved and learned.....You took that learning and look what you did for yourself.....You were honest with your doctor and you even trusted enough in yourself to talk to your mom.....
Congrats.......you are on your way in fine fashion!
Hugs,
Tina
Tina I was hopen you were here.Now your husband took this right?I just started a topic"suboxone????" could you maybe go to it.Thank you you are so sweet to me.....mj
I feel I have no place saying this to you since I just started and was only looking for advice for my own situation...(selfish I guess!) I hardly feel like and authority on any of this but you are congratulated on your honestly.

We are only human, we all make mistakes. Most of which we can hide behind, and ignore. You have been very courageous by being honest and straightforward...Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are on the right path, and I think you will succeed when you believe that you are worthwhile and you certainly seem stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I probably have no business saying this...just that I read your other posts (most of everyones really...I have been at this computer and at this site for more hours than I would care to admit) but I think that you are doing GREAT!

Happy New Year to you and your family. This is a great time to look ahead and imagine an easier time(that's what I am trying to do!)

Jennelle
Molly, also i wanted to add that your a dear friend to me and i love ya, and i just wanted to say that is great that you fessed up, i am soooo proud of you!!
if there is anything that i can do to help you thru this crap i am here for you always!! take care my friend.............................
Hey Mj,
I am so proud of you talking to your doctor. That must have been hard asking for help even though he already knew you were an addict and needed help. He has been your doctor for what 20 yrs? He should know you better than anyone and I am so happy you are going to finally attempt to put an end to this madness. Let me know how everything is going. If you need someone to talk to you know you can call me or e-mail me anytime, sweetie. I love you, Your friend always, Rae
dear Molly, I respect your honesty. You're taking the steps you have to to overcome. It takes courage to come forward and admit things you did. How could anyone look down on you? You've earned everyone's respect. I'm very proud of you. Love, Kat
Molly, hugs to you....Lady, I was there. Fear is the biggest thing, and please know that you are going to be okay.
Don't ya feel a sigh of relief????
Please post anything you can, and Danni had my email..I would love to help. I was there. It is hard, but it is possible...and it is better than being stuck..
And take it from me, once you get clean, it is going to take alot of work to stay clean. For me it takes alot of accountability...like people who will call your butt to see if you are okay...alot...
Why don't you post me your email?
Kerry