hey everyone,
things have gone from bad to worse. i finally got up enough courage to tell my boyfriends family about his Heroin addiction. i told them that i am a mess and depressed and that i am afraid for his life when he cops in really bad parts of town where people have been killed over this scumbag drug!! i asked them to intervene. my heart was in the right place. i didn't mean to hurt anyone and now i can't stop crying,
needless to say he told me that he hates my guts and that we are through. he has not called me in two days and told me that if he ever OD'd that it's my fault. He says I over stepped my bounds and who the hell do i think i am by turning to his family. he said he will never trust me again and wants me out of his life for good.
I know it sounds so childish and my best girlfriend thinks i should be happy he's gone, but i love a dope addict! isnt love supposed to be unconditional?? how will i ever gain his trust back? he says I better make things right with his family. How do I do that? i refuse to be standing over his coffin one day crying like all the rest while shaking my head and saying....."if someone only tried to help". if he died right now i would be devastated and never forgive myself.
PLEASE HELP
stupid girl
how will i ever gain his trust back? he says I better make things right with his family....
HELLO???!!!
Do you honestly believe that a junky knows the meaning of the word trust and you should start wondering how YOU will ever be able to trust him again and how will he ever gain YOUR trust back as well.
He is the one who should be 'making things right' with his family...by not being so deceptive about his addiction....do you really believe that his family is totally clueless as to the oddity of his behavior....all you did was put a label on it.
This need you have for calling yourself 'stupid' is getting kind of old...you have the guts and the smarts to 'out' him to his family....but then you quickly run behind the 'stupid' label so you won't have to deal with the follow through of the decisions you have made....or face the consequences..
why do you have to 'cope' with his decision to 'cop'?
C'mon...girl
MARY
HELLO???!!!
Do you honestly believe that a junky knows the meaning of the word trust and you should start wondering how YOU will ever be able to trust him again and how will he ever gain YOUR trust back as well.
He is the one who should be 'making things right' with his family...by not being so deceptive about his addiction....do you really believe that his family is totally clueless as to the oddity of his behavior....all you did was put a label on it.
This need you have for calling yourself 'stupid' is getting kind of old...you have the guts and the smarts to 'out' him to his family....but then you quickly run behind the 'stupid' label so you won't have to deal with the follow through of the decisions you have made....or face the consequences..
why do you have to 'cope' with his decision to 'cop'?
C'mon...girl
MARY
Mary,
thanks for the pep. i wish i felt better today. i know i'm not stupid. i just hate that he looks at me with so much hatred now becasue i did put a label on his behavior. his sisters were all concerned that on christmas eve he just pretty much sat in the lounge chair and nod out. other than to come to the dessert table and fill up on sweets, was the only time he interacted with family.
i just want him to get clean. he is an artist and an incredible musician besides having a good job. since the dope, i haven't seen him even really pick up his guitar once. he used to play every single day. Heroin is the devil. Where did it come from? i am not trying to sit here as if i am some angel. i've had my run in's with different things. i don't recall anyone ever dying from smoking weed. and that never led to bigger drugs for me. thank GOD i have a weak stomach that even taking medication for my wisdom teeth operation made me sick to my stomach.
it's not his buying drugs that i need to cope with. i need to learn to cope with someone i love so dearlly now hating me. i guess i should have thought about that before i ratted him out. i honestly feel that i did the right thing. his sisters and brothers love him and i knew that i couldn't do it alone. he told me that i'm an idiot and need to educate myself about drugs before i go shooting my mouth off. i don't need an education to know that this s*** is killing people!! he and i can sit and write down about 10 names of people in our age group that have died in the past five years becasue of HEROIN. I refuse to let him join the club!! and then i found this web-site. reading all of the postings had made me feel better and also made me cry my eyes out. i pray for everyone here that they may leave this disgusting drug in their past for good. i pray for the scum that make it and sell it.
if i lost the love of my life now, oh well......i guess i never meant that much to him. his thoughtless behavior tells me that. how he could lock himself in the basement bathroom and shoot is disgusting. what if he OD'd in the bathroom and i was kicking the door in because he's not answering me? what the hell would i tell my kids??!! we had a friend of ours about a year ago who got hold of some "hot" s***. he was found dead with a needle sticking out of his arm. the stuff killed him instantly. his wife had no idea he was using again. maybe had she have known, he might still be alive.
i hate being hated.
thanks for the pep. i wish i felt better today. i know i'm not stupid. i just hate that he looks at me with so much hatred now becasue i did put a label on his behavior. his sisters were all concerned that on christmas eve he just pretty much sat in the lounge chair and nod out. other than to come to the dessert table and fill up on sweets, was the only time he interacted with family.
i just want him to get clean. he is an artist and an incredible musician besides having a good job. since the dope, i haven't seen him even really pick up his guitar once. he used to play every single day. Heroin is the devil. Where did it come from? i am not trying to sit here as if i am some angel. i've had my run in's with different things. i don't recall anyone ever dying from smoking weed. and that never led to bigger drugs for me. thank GOD i have a weak stomach that even taking medication for my wisdom teeth operation made me sick to my stomach.
it's not his buying drugs that i need to cope with. i need to learn to cope with someone i love so dearlly now hating me. i guess i should have thought about that before i ratted him out. i honestly feel that i did the right thing. his sisters and brothers love him and i knew that i couldn't do it alone. he told me that i'm an idiot and need to educate myself about drugs before i go shooting my mouth off. i don't need an education to know that this s*** is killing people!! he and i can sit and write down about 10 names of people in our age group that have died in the past five years becasue of HEROIN. I refuse to let him join the club!! and then i found this web-site. reading all of the postings had made me feel better and also made me cry my eyes out. i pray for everyone here that they may leave this disgusting drug in their past for good. i pray for the scum that make it and sell it.
if i lost the love of my life now, oh well......i guess i never meant that much to him. his thoughtless behavior tells me that. how he could lock himself in the basement bathroom and shoot is disgusting. what if he OD'd in the bathroom and i was kicking the door in because he's not answering me? what the hell would i tell my kids??!! we had a friend of ours about a year ago who got hold of some "hot" s***. he was found dead with a needle sticking out of his arm. the stuff killed him instantly. his wife had no idea he was using again. maybe had she have known, he might still be alive.
i hate being hated.
Maybe you made him take the first step in admitting to himself maybe he won't. That is all beside the point. Addiction hates the light of truth. If he really hates you, you can only hope that at some point he get clean and thanks you. You can't change what he feels right now.
When I had my daughter locked up she said she hated me. She is still alive and the incedent is forgotten. I am not saying everything will turn out fine. I am saying you did what you felt was right. Do not accept blame you do not own.
When I had my daughter locked up she said she hated me. She is still alive and the incedent is forgotten. I am not saying everything will turn out fine. I am saying you did what you felt was right. Do not accept blame you do not own.
Hiya,
I did the exact same thing last year I told his family about his addiction. He hated me for a while and blamed me for his devestated mother!!
At first I felt guilty, but then realised that the more people who knew, the more people would be there to support him. I also felt that it was such a massive burdon for me to be the only one that knew. He eventually let it go and so did his family (they believe his lies and pretend everythings ok)
I totally understand how your feeling, he's the most horrible feeling in the world being so totally discusted with someone but loving them more...
The stories on here have had me in floods of tears too. I'm going to suggest that my BF looks this site up, the ppl seem amazing and it might give him the hope he needs.
Take care x
I did the exact same thing last year I told his family about his addiction. He hated me for a while and blamed me for his devestated mother!!
At first I felt guilty, but then realised that the more people who knew, the more people would be there to support him. I also felt that it was such a massive burdon for me to be the only one that knew. He eventually let it go and so did his family (they believe his lies and pretend everythings ok)
I totally understand how your feeling, he's the most horrible feeling in the world being so totally discusted with someone but loving them more...
The stories on here have had me in floods of tears too. I'm going to suggest that my BF looks this site up, the ppl seem amazing and it might give him the hope he needs.
Take care x
i just told my bf family too .he tried once coming off it amd made me an emotional wreck .this time i told them and they made it worse lol but atleast i aint alone .and if he balmed me then i was haooy to leave cause at the end of the day i was looking after him but he didnt he kissed my fore head and hugged me //
Awwww, Danielle I'm so sorry you're feeling like that. You love that man, and you did the right thing. You absolutely did the right thing.
He's PO'd now. Look at Hurt Dad had to get his child locked up. She's forgotten it. THAT IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. If you didn't give a rats butt you'd sleep at night, and not worry. He is now held accountable to other people besides YOU that's why he is so PO'd.
Baby I did the same exact thing to my gentleman friend. Trust me this poor dude did EVERYTHING. I pulled the boo freaking hoo with him, and got money cuase (whine) I was going to get sickkkkkk. WAH!!!!!! Well I tapped him out pretty good then he let me hole up in his place to kick several times so my family didn't have to see it or find out.
Danielle I ROBBED the man. I robbed him several times when he'd be out getting me asprin or soup. I pulled a cutie pie Bryn albeit smelly Bryn, and did a better act than the Barrymore's. Off he went and I took his loot. Hundreds of dollars. Then had the audacity to come back after I spent it and was sick.
Danielle, that guy would actually put himself in dangerous neighborhoods to catch me and throw me in the car when I was copping. Finally he had it and told the whole tribe, and then the stuff hit the fan, and I couldn't lie anymore or sneak and play my family against him. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh I was HOT. I was so mad I think I may have tried to like blow up his car or something. Nah, I was high so I was peaceful, but Danielle I said the same thing. "You lousy creep you are supposed to be helping me and now my family is worried sick. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!".
No it is OUR faults and not yours, Danielle. Believe all of us he will thank you later. My gentleman friend forever has my loyalty. He basically saved me by telling and shutting the door in my face. You are helping him, honey, and it may not seem so now, but PLEASE know he will be back. Let's pray back to the guy you love so much.
You did make it right. Hey, sorry if his family don't want to face it or whatever, but this is not on you. There's a family of how many? That is that many more to make him accountable to where he is or what he takes. That is typical addict behavior. We blame everyone else. Always. If I OD it is all your fault. If I get shot it's all your fault. If I get sick it is all your fault. That is how we do, honey.
He will call. He will be back, and I am hoping after a good rehab. I don't even know ya and I'd trust ya. He feels like you sabotoged him. He feels you dimed him out, and now messed up his game. He feels helpless and hopeless and now has to lie more, and scam more. The person you love will emerge and he'll be thanking you. As long as he wants to get help that is.
Make it right? He better make it right. You acted responsibly like a decent human being who cares for someone deeply. He will see that. Trust me deep down he knows it already. Do NOT let him rope ya like that. Tell him you love him, and always will but you need for him to want to get clean.
Meanwhile worry about the kids, Danielle and yourself. Take a bath. Wash your hair or whatever. It so stinks. I'm sorry but you did the right thing. You know that, right?
He's PO'd now. Look at Hurt Dad had to get his child locked up. She's forgotten it. THAT IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. If you didn't give a rats butt you'd sleep at night, and not worry. He is now held accountable to other people besides YOU that's why he is so PO'd.
Baby I did the same exact thing to my gentleman friend. Trust me this poor dude did EVERYTHING. I pulled the boo freaking hoo with him, and got money cuase (whine) I was going to get sickkkkkk. WAH!!!!!! Well I tapped him out pretty good then he let me hole up in his place to kick several times so my family didn't have to see it or find out.
Danielle I ROBBED the man. I robbed him several times when he'd be out getting me asprin or soup. I pulled a cutie pie Bryn albeit smelly Bryn, and did a better act than the Barrymore's. Off he went and I took his loot. Hundreds of dollars. Then had the audacity to come back after I spent it and was sick.
Danielle, that guy would actually put himself in dangerous neighborhoods to catch me and throw me in the car when I was copping. Finally he had it and told the whole tribe, and then the stuff hit the fan, and I couldn't lie anymore or sneak and play my family against him. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh I was HOT. I was so mad I think I may have tried to like blow up his car or something. Nah, I was high so I was peaceful, but Danielle I said the same thing. "You lousy creep you are supposed to be helping me and now my family is worried sick. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!".
No it is OUR faults and not yours, Danielle. Believe all of us he will thank you later. My gentleman friend forever has my loyalty. He basically saved me by telling and shutting the door in my face. You are helping him, honey, and it may not seem so now, but PLEASE know he will be back. Let's pray back to the guy you love so much.
You did make it right. Hey, sorry if his family don't want to face it or whatever, but this is not on you. There's a family of how many? That is that many more to make him accountable to where he is or what he takes. That is typical addict behavior. We blame everyone else. Always. If I OD it is all your fault. If I get shot it's all your fault. If I get sick it is all your fault. That is how we do, honey.
He will call. He will be back, and I am hoping after a good rehab. I don't even know ya and I'd trust ya. He feels like you sabotoged him. He feels you dimed him out, and now messed up his game. He feels helpless and hopeless and now has to lie more, and scam more. The person you love will emerge and he'll be thanking you. As long as he wants to get help that is.
Make it right? He better make it right. You acted responsibly like a decent human being who cares for someone deeply. He will see that. Trust me deep down he knows it already. Do NOT let him rope ya like that. Tell him you love him, and always will but you need for him to want to get clean.
Meanwhile worry about the kids, Danielle and yourself. Take a bath. Wash your hair or whatever. It so stinks. I'm sorry but you did the right thing. You know that, right?
Hi Danielle, so many people here have had their hearts broken by addicts. When you are an addict, it's like you are two people, You and your addict, and when in active use, the addict is in the ascendancy, and essentially holding the real you as a prisoner. Man, my addict is a stroppy, feisty selfish little b****, and when she can't get her own way, she throws the mother of all hissyfits. I well remember throwing myself on the floor and screaming, crying and having tantrums that would put a two year old to shame, just because something had come between my addict and her drug. So when he tells you he hates you and will never trust you again, that is his addict speaking, not him. Inside he is cringing with shame, you can count on that. But all that said, the addict is in control, and his attitude won't change whilst that is the case.
I've said to you before that you can't wait forever. You can't sacrifice yourself for somebody else. You're supposed to be his lover, his partner, and that means it should be a two way street, but it sounds like its all one way traffic at the moment. I understand that you are broken hearted, but the only way you can survive this is to detach yourself from his addiction. Don't bother trying to change him. It won't work, and it will f*** you up. I know this sounds tough, but when it comes to loving an addict, you either accept their addiction, or you leave, coz you will never be able to stop him, not with all the tears and effort and heartache in the world, and it will tear you to pieces if you try. I know. I've been where you are now, and as an addict myself, I had in depth knowledge, and I still tried. I only found peace when I let go. You have to go on a mission to sort your own head out, coz you can't fix him. You're not responsible for him. It ain't your job.
love
diff xxx
I've said to you before that you can't wait forever. You can't sacrifice yourself for somebody else. You're supposed to be his lover, his partner, and that means it should be a two way street, but it sounds like its all one way traffic at the moment. I understand that you are broken hearted, but the only way you can survive this is to detach yourself from his addiction. Don't bother trying to change him. It won't work, and it will f*** you up. I know this sounds tough, but when it comes to loving an addict, you either accept their addiction, or you leave, coz you will never be able to stop him, not with all the tears and effort and heartache in the world, and it will tear you to pieces if you try. I know. I've been where you are now, and as an addict myself, I had in depth knowledge, and I still tried. I only found peace when I let go. You have to go on a mission to sort your own head out, coz you can't fix him. You're not responsible for him. It ain't your job.
love
diff xxx
Diff,
It didn't sound tough. You just stated the reality of addiction.
It didn't sound tough. You just stated the reality of addiction.
Diff
thank you. i am so sick of family and friends telling me to get him out of my life.........leave him alone......he's a junkie. But that is not the guy I met and fell in love with. He has been on suboxone all week and has not touched the dope. I know becasue he has been here every day. I just pray to GOD above that payday tomorrow does not take him right back to the projects.
I love the way he looks when he is straight. So handsome and his eyes are so soft. i can tell in ONE SECOND when he's high. i don't even have to see him i can tell just by the way he says my name over the phone. i told him tonight over dinner that i loved him and the he looks so good when he's not on that s***. i hate when he is in zombie mode. i especially hate when he's high because he doesn't want sex. Why is that? Did your man not want sex when he was high? I don't get it. this is my first time ever even knowing an addict, let alone loving one to pieces.
all of your thoughts and comments help me so much and i am so thankful for finding this website. your a great group of people. how come so many awesome human beings get taken down by this horrible beast?
i pray for each and every one of you. that you stay clean and always be happy.
xoxoxo
thank you. i am so sick of family and friends telling me to get him out of my life.........leave him alone......he's a junkie. But that is not the guy I met and fell in love with. He has been on suboxone all week and has not touched the dope. I know becasue he has been here every day. I just pray to GOD above that payday tomorrow does not take him right back to the projects.
I love the way he looks when he is straight. So handsome and his eyes are so soft. i can tell in ONE SECOND when he's high. i don't even have to see him i can tell just by the way he says my name over the phone. i told him tonight over dinner that i loved him and the he looks so good when he's not on that s***. i hate when he is in zombie mode. i especially hate when he's high because he doesn't want sex. Why is that? Did your man not want sex when he was high? I don't get it. this is my first time ever even knowing an addict, let alone loving one to pieces.
all of your thoughts and comments help me so much and i am so thankful for finding this website. your a great group of people. how come so many awesome human beings get taken down by this horrible beast?
i pray for each and every one of you. that you stay clean and always be happy.
xoxoxo
Hi Danielle, I'm so glad to hear that he is on the subs. That's what I used to get clean, and it's the only thing that worked for me. Along with massive determination to get clean. It did take me a while, and I didn't get it right first time. I can't predict how it's going to go with him, but when you give up heroin, it's like a bereavement, and you grieve for it, so don't expect things to just go back to normal. Heroin changes you forever - you can never go back to the person you were before. It's like eating from the tree of knowledge, and you can't unlearn it.
And as for the sex - bottom line? Heroin is better than sex. Sorry, but heroin is better than anything you've ever experienced before. That's why it's so dangerous and damaging. Once you've got a taste for it, everything else, relationships, love, work, play, they all seem to pale into insignificance. And before you know it, you've given away everything that kept you grounded, everything that made you who you were, and you're just an empty vessel, a slave to a substance, and there's nothing you wouldn't do to keep on having that drug. That's when you really start to hate yourself. But heroin takes away those feelings of self-loathing, temporarily at least, so you're trapped in a vicious circle.
But it isn't hopeless. The sex drive comes back. The desire to be in a loving relationship comes back when you conquer the addiction. And it's a wonderful feeling when you finally free yourself. You see the world with fresh new eyes, and get a feeling of urgency, to re-aquaint yourself with all the things you lost. But there is a period, which can last for varying amounts of time, sometimes a few months, and for others, they never quite get over it, where you feel so heartbroken and lost without the drug that gave you so much comfort. I felt quite bitter about it for a while. Like there was a party going on and I wasn't invited. Like I was denying myself the thing I loved the most. I got over it, and came to realise that life was so much better without it. But it's not overnight. Be prepared for it, coz for a partner, I guess it must feel like you're in love with someone who'd rather be with someone else, and that must really sting. I eventually came to know that the feeling you get when you're wrapped in the arms of someone you love, when their kiss sets you on fire, is infinitely better than the chemical kiss from heroin. But like I said, it takes time.
love
Diff xxx
And as for the sex - bottom line? Heroin is better than sex. Sorry, but heroin is better than anything you've ever experienced before. That's why it's so dangerous and damaging. Once you've got a taste for it, everything else, relationships, love, work, play, they all seem to pale into insignificance. And before you know it, you've given away everything that kept you grounded, everything that made you who you were, and you're just an empty vessel, a slave to a substance, and there's nothing you wouldn't do to keep on having that drug. That's when you really start to hate yourself. But heroin takes away those feelings of self-loathing, temporarily at least, so you're trapped in a vicious circle.
But it isn't hopeless. The sex drive comes back. The desire to be in a loving relationship comes back when you conquer the addiction. And it's a wonderful feeling when you finally free yourself. You see the world with fresh new eyes, and get a feeling of urgency, to re-aquaint yourself with all the things you lost. But there is a period, which can last for varying amounts of time, sometimes a few months, and for others, they never quite get over it, where you feel so heartbroken and lost without the drug that gave you so much comfort. I felt quite bitter about it for a while. Like there was a party going on and I wasn't invited. Like I was denying myself the thing I loved the most. I got over it, and came to realise that life was so much better without it. But it's not overnight. Be prepared for it, coz for a partner, I guess it must feel like you're in love with someone who'd rather be with someone else, and that must really sting. I eventually came to know that the feeling you get when you're wrapped in the arms of someone you love, when their kiss sets you on fire, is infinitely better than the chemical kiss from heroin. But like I said, it takes time.
love
Diff xxx
Hey guys,
Well today is the moment of truth. He just left for work. I made him a fresh fruit smoothie this morning and I have made sure that he has been eating good all week. He looks better and I love his personality when he is off the s***. He's been on subs all week. PLEASE GOD, I pray that once he gets paid today that he doesn't go and cop. I will know the minute he gets home from work. We made love last night for the first time since Christmas. I was surprised when he came into bed and wanted to. I haven't pushed the issue becasue when he's been high and he doesn't want to, it starts an argument, so I have stayed away from him physically and figured when he's not on dope, he'll want to make love. These fights have damaged my self esteem, becasue I am a very pretty girl. I never knew an addict and Diff has shed some light on the reasons he didn't want sex. Thank you Diff. Maybe not EXACTLY what I wanted to hear but the truth is what i need and what I crave right now.
Now, one very important question. How (God forbid) do I handle things with him if he comes home high after doing so good all week? I don't want to fight anymore, I don't want sleepless nights because he is nodding out downstairs, etc............. IF HE f***S UP TODAY, how do I handle it? I need to be careful or he will just leave again. This sucks. I actually feel happy today. I hope he doesen't cop after work. I told him before he left that I am here if he needs me. Call me. Come home if you feel the urge. I asked him if he wanted to go to a meeting together this weekend. He said sure. I said if you feel weak and can't control your desire to get high.....call me. We can talk it out or go straight to N/A for a meeting. Am I doing the right thing?
Love you Girls,
Your my backbone right now.
Danielle
Well today is the moment of truth. He just left for work. I made him a fresh fruit smoothie this morning and I have made sure that he has been eating good all week. He looks better and I love his personality when he is off the s***. He's been on subs all week. PLEASE GOD, I pray that once he gets paid today that he doesn't go and cop. I will know the minute he gets home from work. We made love last night for the first time since Christmas. I was surprised when he came into bed and wanted to. I haven't pushed the issue becasue when he's been high and he doesn't want to, it starts an argument, so I have stayed away from him physically and figured when he's not on dope, he'll want to make love. These fights have damaged my self esteem, becasue I am a very pretty girl. I never knew an addict and Diff has shed some light on the reasons he didn't want sex. Thank you Diff. Maybe not EXACTLY what I wanted to hear but the truth is what i need and what I crave right now.
Now, one very important question. How (God forbid) do I handle things with him if he comes home high after doing so good all week? I don't want to fight anymore, I don't want sleepless nights because he is nodding out downstairs, etc............. IF HE f***S UP TODAY, how do I handle it? I need to be careful or he will just leave again. This sucks. I actually feel happy today. I hope he doesen't cop after work. I told him before he left that I am here if he needs me. Call me. Come home if you feel the urge. I asked him if he wanted to go to a meeting together this weekend. He said sure. I said if you feel weak and can't control your desire to get high.....call me. We can talk it out or go straight to N/A for a meeting. Am I doing the right thing?
Love you Girls,
Your my backbone right now.
Danielle
hows things going ?
after i told the bf parents thiings are going okay for my bf a little hard but getting there and lke you i did it to help byt honestly the parents are driving us crazy i begin to wonder why i did tell them i hope it is working out for you
after i told the bf parents thiings are going okay for my bf a little hard but getting there and lke you i did it to help byt honestly the parents are driving us crazy i begin to wonder why i did tell them i hope it is working out for you
One thing at a time, Danielle. Let's see how he does with the loot in hand.
I so hope you are right now relaxing a little bit, and he skeedaddles home after work. You know it can be done. We're testament to that here.
By the by.....the sex thing......drugs come first....before everything including sex......on heroin we pretty much have our priorities and unless we have a rack which would be 13 bags.....we're preoccupied with how we'll get the next bag.
Sex breaks up our high as well.....high we want to just have that....heck with sex......later on anyway.....so it ain't you, Danielle....I used with the lovely, wonderful man turned me on to heroin.....prison time for seven years, and that dude was sex crazy.....well once he started using as well the sex went out the window, and down the drain.....we were partners in getting high and that was it.
Hope it works out tonight, Danielle, and ya know what? You can hear it in his voice. Our voices change. For some of us our eye color changes. My friend he KNEW when I was high, pronto. Of course I lied like a nut, but he knew. He'd say I hear it in your voice, and your eyes are green. I have brown eyes so yeah you hear it. Good lookout. Thinking of ya.
I so hope you are right now relaxing a little bit, and he skeedaddles home after work. You know it can be done. We're testament to that here.
By the by.....the sex thing......drugs come first....before everything including sex......on heroin we pretty much have our priorities and unless we have a rack which would be 13 bags.....we're preoccupied with how we'll get the next bag.
Sex breaks up our high as well.....high we want to just have that....heck with sex......later on anyway.....so it ain't you, Danielle....I used with the lovely, wonderful man turned me on to heroin.....prison time for seven years, and that dude was sex crazy.....well once he started using as well the sex went out the window, and down the drain.....we were partners in getting high and that was it.
Hope it works out tonight, Danielle, and ya know what? You can hear it in his voice. Our voices change. For some of us our eye color changes. My friend he KNEW when I was high, pronto. Of course I lied like a nut, but he knew. He'd say I hear it in your voice, and your eyes are green. I have brown eyes so yeah you hear it. Good lookout. Thinking of ya.
Hey Danielle, glad that things seem to be going a bit better for you (from reading your other post)
I never usually talk about the sex thing but just wanted to post to let you know its normal and it isn't you. It is really difficult when your BF doesn't want sex. I didn't know about my BF addiction and so for months i didn't even know why he didn't want sex anymore and this was difficult, confusing and painful. Even after i found out about the addiction and so the reason why he didn't want sex, it was still difficult. It really batters your self esteem....well it did to mine. I felt really rejected. Things are better now...by no means perfect, he is still on methadone and so this doesn't help the sex drive either but luckily he is really good about showing affection, which helps.
Have a good weekend
I never usually talk about the sex thing but just wanted to post to let you know its normal and it isn't you. It is really difficult when your BF doesn't want sex. I didn't know about my BF addiction and so for months i didn't even know why he didn't want sex anymore and this was difficult, confusing and painful. Even after i found out about the addiction and so the reason why he didn't want sex, it was still difficult. It really batters your self esteem....well it did to mine. I felt really rejected. Things are better now...by no means perfect, he is still on methadone and so this doesn't help the sex drive either but luckily he is really good about showing affection, which helps.
Have a good weekend
Girl, love is blind. But if you can't see that hes already putting dope before you than your blind too. You care, and maybe one day he'll see that. But nobody's going to be able to help him until he ask's for help. Dope is an evil selfish,b*tch. The only thing you can do at this point is let him know you care, then pray for him.
Hi, well done for having the courage to speak out, i have just been faced with the same situation my brother is on the "h" just had to break the news to my mum and dad, i feel terrible for this, but its been affecting my life so bad that my family life has been suffering too, i know deep down i have done the best for my brothers sake, its affected my life and im sure u feel exactly the same as me, my brother has told me he never wants to speak to me for as long as he lives, i know at this minute in time he hates me for breaking his loyalty but im sure maybe in time he will thank me.
If u need to talk as i know i need to, u can keep postin and i will help u, and i know u will help me.
Try not to feel bad, heres me telling u all this but i cant get my head round anything, its easy to give advice but its harder to take it in.
keep ur chin up
michelle
If u need to talk as i know i need to, u can keep postin and i will help u, and i know u will help me.
Try not to feel bad, heres me telling u all this but i cant get my head round anything, its easy to give advice but its harder to take it in.
keep ur chin up
michelle
Hi Ive been here awhile now and I know exactly how you are feeling. The heart ache/heart break the lies watching someone you love dearly slowly killing them selves its a nightmare but your awake.. jumping everytime the door bell goes/ the phone rings thinking its someone going to tell you there dead. Ill post some topics I got from this site.
Take care & keep in touch
Take care & keep in touch
What Addicts do?
Saw this on another board.
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behaviour. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behaviour cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-Jon
Saw this on another board.
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behaviour. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behaviour cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-Jon
10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem
By Ed Hughes, MPS
The pain and suffering of addiction is not limited to the alcoholic or drug addict. Family members share a tremendous burden as well. Shame, guilt, fear, worry, anger, and frustration are common , Everyday feelings for family members concerened about a loved ones drinking or drug use. In most cases, the family has endured the brunt of the consequences for the loved ones addiction, including the stress of worry, financial costs, and life adjustments made to accommodate the addicted persons lifestyle. Addiction leads the addict away from positive influences of the family. The disease twists love, concern, and a willingness to be helpful into a host of enabling behaviors that only help to perpetuate the illness.
Family and friends are usually very busy attempting to help the alcoholic or addict, but the help is of the wrong kind . If directed toward effective strategies and interventions, however, these people become powerful influences in helping the loved one hit bottom and seek professional help. At the very least, families can detach themselves from the painful consequences of there loved ones disease and cease their enabling behavior.
Here are 10 ways family members can help there loved one and themselves:
1) Do learn the facts about alcoholism and drug addiction . Obtain information through counseling, open AA/NA meetings, and Alanon/Naranon.
Addiction thrives in an environment of ignorance and denial . Only when we understand the characteristics and dynamics of addiction can we begin to respond to its symptoms more effectively. Realizing that addiction is a progressive disease will assist the family members to accept there loved as a sick person rather than a bad person. This comprehension goes a long way toward helping overcome the associated shame and guilt. No one is to blame . The problem is not caused by bad parenting or any other family shortcoming. Attendance at open AA/NA meetings is important: families need to see that not only are they not alone in there experience, but also that there are many other families just like theirs involved in this struggle. Families will find a reason to be hopeful when they hear the riveting stories of recovery shared at these meetings.
2) Dont rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of their disease.
Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for anyone to be loved into recovery. Recovering people experience a inshitting bottom. This implies an accumulation of negative consequences related to drinking or drug use which provides the necessary motivation and inspiration to initiate a recovery effort. It has been said that truth and consequences are the foundations of insight and this holds true for addiction. Rescuing addicted persons from there consequences only ensures that more consequences must occur before the need for recovery is realized.
3) Dont support the addiction by financially supporting the alcoholic or addict.
Money is the lifeblood of addiction . Financial support can be provided in many ways and they all serve to prolong the arrival of consequences. Buying groceries, paying for a car repair, loaning money, paying rent, and paying court fines are all examples of contributing to the continuation of alcohol or drug use . Money is almost always given by family members with the best of intentions, but it always serves to enable the alcoholic or addict to avoid the natural and necessary consequences of addiction. Many addicts recover simply because they could not get money to buy their drug. Consequently they experience withdrawal symptoms and often seek help.
4) Dont analyze the loved ones drinking or drug use. Dont try to figure it out or look for underlying causes.
There are no underlying causes. Addiction is a disease. Looking for underlying causes is a waste of time and energy and usually ends up with some type of blame focused on the family or others . This paralysis by analysis is a common manipulation by the disease of addiction which distracts everyone from the important issue of the illness itself.
5) Dont make idle threats. Say what mean and mean what you say. Words only marginally impact the alcoholic or addict . Rather actions speak louder than words applies to addiction. Threats are as meaningless as the promises made by the addicted person.
6) Dont extract promises. A person with an addiction cannot keep promises. This is not because they dont intend to, but rather because they are powerless to consistently act upon their commitments . Extracting a promise is a waste of time and only serves to increase the anger toward the loved one.
7) Dont preach or lecture. Preaching and lecturing are easily discounted by the addicted person.
A sick person is not motivated to take positive action through guilt or intimidation . If an alcoholic or addict could be talked into getting sober, many more people would get sober.
8) Do avoid the reactions of pity and anger. These emotions create a painful roller coaster for the loved one.
For a given amount of anger that is felt by a family member in any given situation, that amount-or more-of pity will be felt for the alcoholic or addict once the anger subsides. This teeter-totter is a common experience for family membersthey get angry over a situation, make threats or initiate consequences, and then backtrack from those decisions once the anger has left and has been replaced by pity . The family then does not follow through on their decision to not enable.
9) Dont accommodate the disease.
Addiction is a subtle foe. It will infiltrate a familys home, lifestyle, and attitudes in a way that can go unnoticed by the family. As the disease progresses within the family system, the family will unknowingly accommodate its presence. Examples of accommodation include locking up ones and other valuables, not inviting guests for fear that the alcoholic or addict might embarrass them, adjusting ones work schedule to be home with the addict or alcoholic, and planning ones day around events involving the alcoholic or addict.
10) Do focus upon your life and responsibilities.
Family members must identify areas of there lives that have been neglected due to their focus on, or even obsession with, the alcoholic or addict. Other family members, hobbies, job, and health, for example, often take a back seat to the needs of the alcoholic or addict and the inevitable crisis of addiction. Turning attention away from the addict and focusing on other personal areas of ones life is empowering and helpful to all concerned .
Each of these suggestions should be approached separately as individual goals. No one can make an abrupt change or adjustment from the behaviors that formed while the disease of addiction progressed. I can not over-emphasize the need for support of family members as they attempt to make changes. Counseling agencies must provide family education and programs to share this information. They must offer opportunities for families to change their attitudes and behaviors. The most powerful influence in helping families make these changes is Al-Anon/Naranon . By facing their fears and weathering the emotional storms that will follow, they can commit to ending their enabling entanglements.
The disease of addiction will fervently resist a familys effort to say no and stop enabling. Every possible emotional manipulation will be exhibited in an effort to get the family to resume business as usual . There will always be certain family members or friends who will resist the notion of not enabling, join forces with the sick person, and accuse the family of lacking love. This resistance is a difficult but necessary hurdle for the family to overcome. Yet, it is necessary if they are to be truly helpful to the alcoholic or addict. Being truly helpful is what these suggestions are really about. Only when the full weight of the natural consequences of addiction is experienced by the addict- rather than by the family- can there be reason for hope of recovery .
By Ed Hughes, MPS
The pain and suffering of addiction is not limited to the alcoholic or drug addict. Family members share a tremendous burden as well. Shame, guilt, fear, worry, anger, and frustration are common , Everyday feelings for family members concerened about a loved ones drinking or drug use. In most cases, the family has endured the brunt of the consequences for the loved ones addiction, including the stress of worry, financial costs, and life adjustments made to accommodate the addicted persons lifestyle. Addiction leads the addict away from positive influences of the family. The disease twists love, concern, and a willingness to be helpful into a host of enabling behaviors that only help to perpetuate the illness.
Family and friends are usually very busy attempting to help the alcoholic or addict, but the help is of the wrong kind . If directed toward effective strategies and interventions, however, these people become powerful influences in helping the loved one hit bottom and seek professional help. At the very least, families can detach themselves from the painful consequences of there loved ones disease and cease their enabling behavior.
Here are 10 ways family members can help there loved one and themselves:
1) Do learn the facts about alcoholism and drug addiction . Obtain information through counseling, open AA/NA meetings, and Alanon/Naranon.
Addiction thrives in an environment of ignorance and denial . Only when we understand the characteristics and dynamics of addiction can we begin to respond to its symptoms more effectively. Realizing that addiction is a progressive disease will assist the family members to accept there loved as a sick person rather than a bad person. This comprehension goes a long way toward helping overcome the associated shame and guilt. No one is to blame . The problem is not caused by bad parenting or any other family shortcoming. Attendance at open AA/NA meetings is important: families need to see that not only are they not alone in there experience, but also that there are many other families just like theirs involved in this struggle. Families will find a reason to be hopeful when they hear the riveting stories of recovery shared at these meetings.
2) Dont rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of their disease.
Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for anyone to be loved into recovery. Recovering people experience a inshitting bottom. This implies an accumulation of negative consequences related to drinking or drug use which provides the necessary motivation and inspiration to initiate a recovery effort. It has been said that truth and consequences are the foundations of insight and this holds true for addiction. Rescuing addicted persons from there consequences only ensures that more consequences must occur before the need for recovery is realized.
3) Dont support the addiction by financially supporting the alcoholic or addict.
Money is the lifeblood of addiction . Financial support can be provided in many ways and they all serve to prolong the arrival of consequences. Buying groceries, paying for a car repair, loaning money, paying rent, and paying court fines are all examples of contributing to the continuation of alcohol or drug use . Money is almost always given by family members with the best of intentions, but it always serves to enable the alcoholic or addict to avoid the natural and necessary consequences of addiction. Many addicts recover simply because they could not get money to buy their drug. Consequently they experience withdrawal symptoms and often seek help.
4) Dont analyze the loved ones drinking or drug use. Dont try to figure it out or look for underlying causes.
There are no underlying causes. Addiction is a disease. Looking for underlying causes is a waste of time and energy and usually ends up with some type of blame focused on the family or others . This paralysis by analysis is a common manipulation by the disease of addiction which distracts everyone from the important issue of the illness itself.
5) Dont make idle threats. Say what mean and mean what you say. Words only marginally impact the alcoholic or addict . Rather actions speak louder than words applies to addiction. Threats are as meaningless as the promises made by the addicted person.
6) Dont extract promises. A person with an addiction cannot keep promises. This is not because they dont intend to, but rather because they are powerless to consistently act upon their commitments . Extracting a promise is a waste of time and only serves to increase the anger toward the loved one.
7) Dont preach or lecture. Preaching and lecturing are easily discounted by the addicted person.
A sick person is not motivated to take positive action through guilt or intimidation . If an alcoholic or addict could be talked into getting sober, many more people would get sober.
8) Do avoid the reactions of pity and anger. These emotions create a painful roller coaster for the loved one.
For a given amount of anger that is felt by a family member in any given situation, that amount-or more-of pity will be felt for the alcoholic or addict once the anger subsides. This teeter-totter is a common experience for family membersthey get angry over a situation, make threats or initiate consequences, and then backtrack from those decisions once the anger has left and has been replaced by pity . The family then does not follow through on their decision to not enable.
9) Dont accommodate the disease.
Addiction is a subtle foe. It will infiltrate a familys home, lifestyle, and attitudes in a way that can go unnoticed by the family. As the disease progresses within the family system, the family will unknowingly accommodate its presence. Examples of accommodation include locking up ones and other valuables, not inviting guests for fear that the alcoholic or addict might embarrass them, adjusting ones work schedule to be home with the addict or alcoholic, and planning ones day around events involving the alcoholic or addict.
10) Do focus upon your life and responsibilities.
Family members must identify areas of there lives that have been neglected due to their focus on, or even obsession with, the alcoholic or addict. Other family members, hobbies, job, and health, for example, often take a back seat to the needs of the alcoholic or addict and the inevitable crisis of addiction. Turning attention away from the addict and focusing on other personal areas of ones life is empowering and helpful to all concerned .
Each of these suggestions should be approached separately as individual goals. No one can make an abrupt change or adjustment from the behaviors that formed while the disease of addiction progressed. I can not over-emphasize the need for support of family members as they attempt to make changes. Counseling agencies must provide family education and programs to share this information. They must offer opportunities for families to change their attitudes and behaviors. The most powerful influence in helping families make these changes is Al-Anon/Naranon . By facing their fears and weathering the emotional storms that will follow, they can commit to ending their enabling entanglements.
The disease of addiction will fervently resist a familys effort to say no and stop enabling. Every possible emotional manipulation will be exhibited in an effort to get the family to resume business as usual . There will always be certain family members or friends who will resist the notion of not enabling, join forces with the sick person, and accuse the family of lacking love. This resistance is a difficult but necessary hurdle for the family to overcome. Yet, it is necessary if they are to be truly helpful to the alcoholic or addict. Being truly helpful is what these suggestions are really about. Only when the full weight of the natural consequences of addiction is experienced by the addict- rather than by the family- can there be reason for hope of recovery .
