Dobre- dyen Drugas ( Good-day friends)
Some of you may be thinking that its just not normal for somebody to just hand over 1500 dollars like that. Of course it isnt, obviously there is a bit more to it than that. I kind of perverted the truth a little when I told the kind lady that I was the son of wealthy businessman in the UK and that paying back this cash would be no problem at all. To add to this, desperate situations require desperate measures.
I floated home via germany where I was originally to have been dumped without a ride back to the UK, in the secure knowledge that i'd arrive back home with more money than I set out with. Not only that, I had failed miserably in my quest to stop using and to be honest all I wanted to do was repair my damaged self using the wrong methods.
This plan was put into action and i'd already scored before seeing my parents. It made things a hell of lot easier to explain. I already felt on the edge of a breakdown and using again was just adding more fuel to the fire of my depression.
As I slowly settled back into the usual routines of life back home, my promises also drifted into the back of my minds filing cabinet marked , 'to be dealt with at a later date, 'if ever at all'.
It must have been around the 2 months mark when my parents had gone away on holiday, that there was a knock on the front door, late one night.
I opened the door only to find I@%$ standing there, the woman who had lent/given me the $1500. I closed the door quickly in fear of what I was seeing was some kind of bad flashback hallucination. It wasnt.
What else could i do but invite her in. The night trundled along, both of us knowing the real purpose of her visit but not mentioning it. The least I could do was give her a bed for the night. We had agreed to get up about 9.00am and then do some sight seeing or something else uniteresting to my junky lifestyle tommorrow. By the time i'd awoke, she'd gone.
I never heard from her again but I still promise myself to this day that i'll pay her back her money the moment I become the benefactor of my fathers multi-million dollar business!
Please dont judge me on these actions as im sure we've all got similar skeletons in our cupboards.
Dosvendanya.
Rasputin-Paul xxx
Hie Ruski sweetie:
No one is in the possition here to judge you we all have done thing's that we are not proud of or that to this day realy haunt us cause I sure as hell have done some thing's that are so bad that if I would have gotten caught I'd still be doing some hard time.We all have done thing's that will stay with us till death do us part,thing's that we are not realy proud of.Besides all that WHO GIVES A S%!^T WHAT PEOPLE THINK OR SAY!!!!!!!!!! I know and you know what we did we would have never done if it wasen't for the drug.
Sweetie have you noticed how it's alway's the good people that get f$%#@d up on drug's,hell so far everyone that I have met is so intelegent either good with their hand's or very good with computer's,or something else without ever going to school.I remember my mom saying to me when I would be at home doing my detox,look what you have become instead of being on the right side of the law like you wanted since you were only a child you are on the wrong side of the law,I never expected you to become the person that you have become.You see ever since I can remember I alway's wanted to be a cop or a detective to help people,what a crock look at me now....
What did you want to become when you were young hon.
About you comeing back from Russia and scoring dope literaly before stepping off the plane well it's like I tell so many mom's and dad's and loved ones of drug user's I know around here who come to me for guidence,when they are ready they will come to you ,they will get help themselves until then there isen't much you or anyone can do.How can you help a person who doesen't want to help themselves,you can't.
It's now 2:33am and I will let you go for a while honey and go see the other post's and then go to bed,tonight it's a real treat for the girl's they wanted to sleep with mommy in the big bed,so I have company tonight two little munchkins,loll.Like they told me,mommy we like our bed but we don't want you to feel loney so we will sleep with you together tonite and then we will take turns once a week one of us will keep you company,how sweet.I got them these freaky new bed's this past summer the same time I bought my washer and dryer I couldn't resist,they are a little lower than an upper bunk bed but it's just one bed and underneath it there's a beautiful desk with a stainless steal and black chair oh the bed is all stainless steal also it goes so well with there chinese decor and their burrow's are stainless steal with mocca coloured wood or imitation wood I guess ,there real nice,as soon as I finish the house I will send pictures ok.
Enough with boring you with girly stuff,loll,hope you have a super good-night in that heavenly bed of your's.
GOOD-NIGHT MY LOVE SWEET DREAMS
TEENA.........
No one is in the possition here to judge you we all have done thing's that we are not proud of or that to this day realy haunt us cause I sure as hell have done some thing's that are so bad that if I would have gotten caught I'd still be doing some hard time.We all have done thing's that will stay with us till death do us part,thing's that we are not realy proud of.Besides all that WHO GIVES A S%!^T WHAT PEOPLE THINK OR SAY!!!!!!!!!! I know and you know what we did we would have never done if it wasen't for the drug.
Sweetie have you noticed how it's alway's the good people that get f$%#@d up on drug's,hell so far everyone that I have met is so intelegent either good with their hand's or very good with computer's,or something else without ever going to school.I remember my mom saying to me when I would be at home doing my detox,look what you have become instead of being on the right side of the law like you wanted since you were only a child you are on the wrong side of the law,I never expected you to become the person that you have become.You see ever since I can remember I alway's wanted to be a cop or a detective to help people,what a crock look at me now....
What did you want to become when you were young hon.
About you comeing back from Russia and scoring dope literaly before stepping off the plane well it's like I tell so many mom's and dad's and loved ones of drug user's I know around here who come to me for guidence,when they are ready they will come to you ,they will get help themselves until then there isen't much you or anyone can do.How can you help a person who doesen't want to help themselves,you can't.
It's now 2:33am and I will let you go for a while honey and go see the other post's and then go to bed,tonight it's a real treat for the girl's they wanted to sleep with mommy in the big bed,so I have company tonight two little munchkins,loll.Like they told me,mommy we like our bed but we don't want you to feel loney so we will sleep with you together tonite and then we will take turns once a week one of us will keep you company,how sweet.I got them these freaky new bed's this past summer the same time I bought my washer and dryer I couldn't resist,they are a little lower than an upper bunk bed but it's just one bed and underneath it there's a beautiful desk with a stainless steal and black chair oh the bed is all stainless steal also it goes so well with there chinese decor and their burrow's are stainless steal with mocca coloured wood or imitation wood I guess ,there real nice,as soon as I finish the house I will send pictures ok.
Enough with boring you with girly stuff,loll,hope you have a super good-night in that heavenly bed of your's.
GOOD-NIGHT MY LOVE SWEET DREAMS
TEENA.........
Goodmornin' Paul and Teena,
Hope your both well? Yeah Paul, we've all done stuff that we're ashamed of as teena said, but i wonder why the f*** did you give her you real address? I bet you died when you opend that door!!! Any ways when you've got that cash i'm sure you'll give it back.....Again Paul get your stories written down, that could become a great hobby or summat! It just seems a shame not to write em down.cos i bet everyone who's read em' has enjoyed em'.
Teena, i know what kinda bed your on about my niece has one, like a top bunk with a chair and a desk underneath, the chair can pull out into a single bed!!Just thoguht i'd share that.
I'm still catchin up on all the posts
love ya's
Gabbi
Hope your both well? Yeah Paul, we've all done stuff that we're ashamed of as teena said, but i wonder why the f*** did you give her you real address? I bet you died when you opend that door!!! Any ways when you've got that cash i'm sure you'll give it back.....Again Paul get your stories written down, that could become a great hobby or summat! It just seems a shame not to write em down.cos i bet everyone who's read em' has enjoyed em'.
Teena, i know what kinda bed your on about my niece has one, like a top bunk with a chair and a desk underneath, the chair can pull out into a single bed!!Just thoguht i'd share that.
I'm still catchin up on all the posts
love ya's
Gabbi
Hiya T & Gabs,
Im in the local library in town today but you only get a bloody hour on the i/net so by the time i read your other post and this one and took it in properly , ive already nearly run out of time. I'll start now and go to my dads place tonight and finish it off.
You know I didnt want to mention that this newly found friendship is so important to my life because it might look a bit sad, but it is. Important i mean. I know I shouldnt care what people say but I do. I dont think im being wrong by that but I only began not caring when i started using H. Its funny how you should say that because i was reading something in a book this morning and it was quote by someone famous called Blaise Pascal. It says 'only ordinary people care dont care what other people think'. If you ask me theres smoethings we should care about people thinking than others. Its a deep one that and i need to think about it , so i'll tell you later.
Also I was going to send you a hotmail but i'll do that tonight as well. The thing is I dont know what to do about that messanger thing because its my dads computer and its not like it'd be much use having a web cam and everything because my parents are sat in the same room. It sounds like a brilliant idea and if I had a link at my place i'd definatly do it. Sounds top that. Im getting carried away with my thought here. The other thing is that I dont want to leave anyone else out ie. like Gabby.
You know ive been going around yesterday worrying that i'd upset you in some way and thats why you'd not wrote anything. Its a bit wierd how my main topic of thoughts been wondering what your up to 5 hours behind.i thought you were in ottowa not Montreal. How can someone a zillion miles away occupy my life here so much. Yeh, your a big lump of my life right now.
I hope you didnt get the wrong idea about the kids thing. I really like kids probably because im a big one myself most of the time. Its just that girl i went with 2 years ago messed that idea for me. She was some girl i met at this rehab. At first i was kind of 'looking after!' her and then we both ended up just packing our bags to go and live happily ever after together. As soon as I went out the door, i new it was a stupid idea but gave it my best anyway. The kid was totaly jelous from day 1 . She did anything to get attention which is fair enough for a kid but not peeing in the middle of the floor for attention. There were some really abnormal things. Im glad your kids sound like theyve been brought up better. I still think it must have been really difficult for you but find am wondering how you managed to have kids much later. Oh I dont know hiw old your eldest is. How old were you when you had her?
I dont beleive it, theres only 5 minutes left already, s*** man. ok, i'll write to you when i go to my dads tonight. you'll be awake by then coz you'll be just getting up now.
ok, better sign off now
Missed you,
see gabs as well,
luv P x
Im in the local library in town today but you only get a bloody hour on the i/net so by the time i read your other post and this one and took it in properly , ive already nearly run out of time. I'll start now and go to my dads place tonight and finish it off.
You know I didnt want to mention that this newly found friendship is so important to my life because it might look a bit sad, but it is. Important i mean. I know I shouldnt care what people say but I do. I dont think im being wrong by that but I only began not caring when i started using H. Its funny how you should say that because i was reading something in a book this morning and it was quote by someone famous called Blaise Pascal. It says 'only ordinary people care dont care what other people think'. If you ask me theres smoethings we should care about people thinking than others. Its a deep one that and i need to think about it , so i'll tell you later.
Also I was going to send you a hotmail but i'll do that tonight as well. The thing is I dont know what to do about that messanger thing because its my dads computer and its not like it'd be much use having a web cam and everything because my parents are sat in the same room. It sounds like a brilliant idea and if I had a link at my place i'd definatly do it. Sounds top that. Im getting carried away with my thought here. The other thing is that I dont want to leave anyone else out ie. like Gabby.
You know ive been going around yesterday worrying that i'd upset you in some way and thats why you'd not wrote anything. Its a bit wierd how my main topic of thoughts been wondering what your up to 5 hours behind.i thought you were in ottowa not Montreal. How can someone a zillion miles away occupy my life here so much. Yeh, your a big lump of my life right now.
I hope you didnt get the wrong idea about the kids thing. I really like kids probably because im a big one myself most of the time. Its just that girl i went with 2 years ago messed that idea for me. She was some girl i met at this rehab. At first i was kind of 'looking after!' her and then we both ended up just packing our bags to go and live happily ever after together. As soon as I went out the door, i new it was a stupid idea but gave it my best anyway. The kid was totaly jelous from day 1 . She did anything to get attention which is fair enough for a kid but not peeing in the middle of the floor for attention. There were some really abnormal things. Im glad your kids sound like theyve been brought up better. I still think it must have been really difficult for you but find am wondering how you managed to have kids much later. Oh I dont know hiw old your eldest is. How old were you when you had her?
I dont beleive it, theres only 5 minutes left already, s*** man. ok, i'll write to you when i go to my dads tonight. you'll be awake by then coz you'll be just getting up now.
ok, better sign off now
Missed you,
see gabs as well,
luv P x
Hello there Ruski:
I'm glad you get out and go to the liberary and your parent's house at least you get to take in some air,if you had a computer at home you would then be a real hermit cause you would eat,sleep and do everything on the computer.I guess not having one is a good thing right now,right?
You too are a very big part of my life now also,like you said the other's are a great part of our daily life also,Gabbi and Sandy are real sweetheart's and I'm glad I have gotten the privlage of knowing them and sharing with them cause even though I don't use you all help me so much,you,me,Gabbi and Sandy are like a little family that I feel very honored to be a part of.There are people like us that say what do I have to give to these people(on this board,in general),but they don't know that they help alot of people every single day and time that they come on here.You don't have to be a genius,Dr.or someone with knowlege and alot of sobriety to help people struggling,cause we all struggle weather were addict's,straight,poor,middle class,rich,bum's,homeless,sientist's,etc. we all suffer from one thing or another were human not machines so we all feel so that mean's we all suffer,each and everyone of us on this board take something and at the same time give something in return.We don't alway's know if we have helped someone but I know that from each and every one of these post's I get something out of all of them,some more than other's but all help me in some form or other.
I got married,you know those big waste of money kind of greek wedding's with the work's in 1995 on July 1st,I was 25 yrs old,had my first daughter,Theodouli,Loula for short at the age of 26 on March 15th 1996,my second daughter Vasiliki,Viki for short I had when I was 27 yrs old on August 22 1997and my sweet little boy,Dimitri,I call him Mimi for short,that I wanted for a long time I had when I was 33 yrs old on June 21st 2003.First one is a Picese(? spelling),second one is a Leo and my third one is a Gemini.
While I was useing I was alway's carefull never to get ptregnant and bring a inicent baby in this kind of world so I never got pregnant,never had an abortion cause I don't belive in them for me if I would have gotten pregnant I would have kept it and changed my life for my baby,I never had a misscarrige,I was alway's so very carefull.I'm one of the lucky one's I guess,I have no sicknesses no aids,no sexualy transmitted sicknesses,no nothing,the needle thing was something for me too,I use to alway's have alot of new ones with me so if I wasen't sure if it was mine when I was in a shooting gallery I would take out a new one ,People used to call me the human pharmacy cause I alway's had clean needles,alcohool,water,cotten swab's with alcohool like the hospital,wraps for the arm,cotten's for the spoon and everything else except the kichen sink.Looking back now I still freak out that,that was me,what a change now I have smokes,diaper's,bib's,spoons(for feeding the baby),toy's,candy,gum and everything else that comes with being a mom,what a diffrence hey.
So my oldest will be 9 yrs old this March,the second one will be 8 yrs old this August and the third will be 2 yrs old this coming June,wow I have my hand's full hey but I'm a very lucky mom to have these sweet caring kid's you don't hear them at all when their in the house they play nicely and pick up after themselves,the only time that I say wow they have alot of energy for kid's that are so quiet in the house is when they are outside or at the pool,park etc.
I alway's make their birthday's a big bang celebration cause were only young and that age once in our lives so I make it a day to rememeber it never is the same or celebrated at a same place twice never every one of them are uniqe so I make it to fit their personality and the thing's they love.Just seeing their faces light up when they walk into the place makes me so happy and thankful that I got a chance in life to experience this without the use of drug's.To me I saw it this way,I had done everything but I had never been clean and had a family and I so wanted that so I did something about it,I'm a very independant person and one that when I put my mind to something I do it or will die trying.I have just one bad thing that I never sak for help even when I can't take it no more or when it's obvious that I need an extra pair of hand's I never,ever ask for help something that I'm working at with my case worker.
Hope you had a nice day today and I can't wait to hear from you and our friend's soon.
Love you's all very dear your friend Teena.....
Hello there girl's Gabbi,Sandy,Heroin-Girl:
Hope you all had a wonderful day and I will be replying to your post's later on this afternoon,keep strong and keep smiling cause this is going to be a fine day,only if you make it fine......
Your friend Teena
P.S sweetheart it's day 14 off the meth today I hope hey can't wait to hear how your holding up........... Keep it up I know you can do it,you'll feel like a winner cause you are a winner girlfriend.See ya later.... Your friend Teena
I'm glad you get out and go to the liberary and your parent's house at least you get to take in some air,if you had a computer at home you would then be a real hermit cause you would eat,sleep and do everything on the computer.I guess not having one is a good thing right now,right?
You too are a very big part of my life now also,like you said the other's are a great part of our daily life also,Gabbi and Sandy are real sweetheart's and I'm glad I have gotten the privlage of knowing them and sharing with them cause even though I don't use you all help me so much,you,me,Gabbi and Sandy are like a little family that I feel very honored to be a part of.There are people like us that say what do I have to give to these people(on this board,in general),but they don't know that they help alot of people every single day and time that they come on here.You don't have to be a genius,Dr.or someone with knowlege and alot of sobriety to help people struggling,cause we all struggle weather were addict's,straight,poor,middle class,rich,bum's,homeless,sientist's,etc. we all suffer from one thing or another were human not machines so we all feel so that mean's we all suffer,each and everyone of us on this board take something and at the same time give something in return.We don't alway's know if we have helped someone but I know that from each and every one of these post's I get something out of all of them,some more than other's but all help me in some form or other.
I got married,you know those big waste of money kind of greek wedding's with the work's in 1995 on July 1st,I was 25 yrs old,had my first daughter,Theodouli,Loula for short at the age of 26 on March 15th 1996,my second daughter Vasiliki,Viki for short I had when I was 27 yrs old on August 22 1997and my sweet little boy,Dimitri,I call him Mimi for short,that I wanted for a long time I had when I was 33 yrs old on June 21st 2003.First one is a Picese(? spelling),second one is a Leo and my third one is a Gemini.
While I was useing I was alway's carefull never to get ptregnant and bring a inicent baby in this kind of world so I never got pregnant,never had an abortion cause I don't belive in them for me if I would have gotten pregnant I would have kept it and changed my life for my baby,I never had a misscarrige,I was alway's so very carefull.I'm one of the lucky one's I guess,I have no sicknesses no aids,no sexualy transmitted sicknesses,no nothing,the needle thing was something for me too,I use to alway's have alot of new ones with me so if I wasen't sure if it was mine when I was in a shooting gallery I would take out a new one ,People used to call me the human pharmacy cause I alway's had clean needles,alcohool,water,cotten swab's with alcohool like the hospital,wraps for the arm,cotten's for the spoon and everything else except the kichen sink.Looking back now I still freak out that,that was me,what a change now I have smokes,diaper's,bib's,spoons(for feeding the baby),toy's,candy,gum and everything else that comes with being a mom,what a diffrence hey.
So my oldest will be 9 yrs old this March,the second one will be 8 yrs old this August and the third will be 2 yrs old this coming June,wow I have my hand's full hey but I'm a very lucky mom to have these sweet caring kid's you don't hear them at all when their in the house they play nicely and pick up after themselves,the only time that I say wow they have alot of energy for kid's that are so quiet in the house is when they are outside or at the pool,park etc.
I alway's make their birthday's a big bang celebration cause were only young and that age once in our lives so I make it a day to rememeber it never is the same or celebrated at a same place twice never every one of them are uniqe so I make it to fit their personality and the thing's they love.Just seeing their faces light up when they walk into the place makes me so happy and thankful that I got a chance in life to experience this without the use of drug's.To me I saw it this way,I had done everything but I had never been clean and had a family and I so wanted that so I did something about it,I'm a very independant person and one that when I put my mind to something I do it or will die trying.I have just one bad thing that I never sak for help even when I can't take it no more or when it's obvious that I need an extra pair of hand's I never,ever ask for help something that I'm working at with my case worker.
Hope you had a nice day today and I can't wait to hear from you and our friend's soon.
Love you's all very dear your friend Teena.....
Hello there girl's Gabbi,Sandy,Heroin-Girl:
Hope you all had a wonderful day and I will be replying to your post's later on this afternoon,keep strong and keep smiling cause this is going to be a fine day,only if you make it fine......
Your friend Teena
P.S sweetheart it's day 14 off the meth today I hope hey can't wait to hear how your holding up........... Keep it up I know you can do it,you'll feel like a winner cause you are a winner girlfriend.See ya later.... Your friend Teena
Hey T-
How's it goin today?? How you feelin?
I've been waiting for you to pop up on IM...where the hell are you? lol...
I'm hangin' ...woke up with a killer headache ....asprin is so much fun...not!
Whatcha got planned for today, anything fun??
Me, I'm still "locked" up here at my cousins. Its starting to get old but I have no energy to do anything. I cooked dinner last night, thats a first in a while. I've got boxes of clothes that I could unpack and put away but no desire to do that either...gees, I suck!
Keep smiling and write soon!
Sandy
How's it goin today?? How you feelin?
I've been waiting for you to pop up on IM...where the hell are you? lol...
I'm hangin' ...woke up with a killer headache ....asprin is so much fun...not!
Whatcha got planned for today, anything fun??
Me, I'm still "locked" up here at my cousins. Its starting to get old but I have no energy to do anything. I cooked dinner last night, thats a first in a while. I've got boxes of clothes that I could unpack and put away but no desire to do that either...gees, I suck!
Keep smiling and write soon!
Sandy
Cali-Spira Teena, Sandy,Gabster,H-girl - family
Overload, Overload Theres to many things for me to read and my memory is useless. We'll have to all use the same board because im just getting lost. Theres so many things I want to say that my heads just blank everytime I try and write something. Doesnt make it any easier that 'Coronation Street' is on the Tv right next to my ear. Gabbi will know what it is, so for the benefit for the rest of you its just a really annoying soap that on tv almost evryday especially for Northerners only. They kind of stereotype the different kinds of people to be found round here and its absolutly not true to real life and a waste of time watching, but saying that its the 'number 1' watched tv program in the UK. My parents get all the knowledge about drug abuse and gay relationships etc from this program, typical. Even when im trying to talk to them about something important they compare me to some bulls*** situation on this soap.
Sorry that I didnt write last night but I went all the way here to find out that my parents had gone out to the pub to watch the soccer on SKy tv at the pub. Everyone in my family is soccer mad appart from me. I dont like it because everyone else does.
Is it normal that im lying in my bed with thoughts of you lot swirling round my head. Makes it worse that i dont know what any of you look like. Ive got an idea but im probably very wrong. Its rubbish that ive not got that MSN but it'll be pointless for me as like I said its not my computer. I kind of like going to the library and stuff. I get to see my parents and have some hot food here for a change. I used to really love my flat at first until this annoying girl moved in underneath me. Im there trying not to let the doors bang and not playing my music loud at stupid times, but she just doesnt give a s***. Ive tried to talk to her about it but its pointless coz shes only 19-20 or something and I just feel bad telling her that as id just tell you to do one if you cam to my door when i was that age. All the other neighbours got a petition together to get her kicked out. I was the only one who didnt sign it for the reason I just said, but I think she thinks it was me who started the petition. Im not going to go round there and say it wasnt me because it looks like im grovelling to her. Sorry just whining about nothing.
Your right about the family thing, its nice but just a bit wierd that Ive got im the only guy or that ive got 4 sisters or wives, whatever way you look at it. The advice on this board is much better than any doctor can give because we choose to be here and have time for each other.
Teen Ive still not got any reply off the bloke about publishing yet. I was thinking that I might go and look again for some info about it. I better do it soon because im feeling enthusiastic about it right now but its not goin to last forever. Next week there'll probably be a new craze.
If it seems like im a broken biscuit today its because my brother came round to the flat for the first time since before christmas and its really stressed me out. Hes hard work as hes a scizophrenic physcopath and can be a bit of a handfull at 16 stone and mood swings that can be like that Tazmanian devil thing. You never know the right thing to say because you only need to say the wrong thing and he goes off his head. Hes never hit me properly but we've had a few fights but I reckon he'd make salad out of me but doesnt do it out of respect or simply that hes still frightened of me because of what he remembers about when I used to kicked his a** when we were kids. Up until about 20 years old he was fine but the air-force sent him to Iraq and he came back a complete basket case.
Hes a real intelligent guy and doesnt seem to want to take advice of anyone. Also hes fallen out with my mum and dad so im the only person privilidged enough in his eyes to be worth talking to. I love him so much and although I try and be strong for him, I feel completely depressed and upset once hjes gone. Hes supposed to be coming back tommorrow so that I can go to his place to fix his sink thats probably blocked up with food and to make sure his lifes in order.
I keep writing things and then erasing them because of one reason and another.
I'll be back in a second because theres a really important e-mail i have to write to someone.
back in a minute ok,
luv P.x
Overload, Overload Theres to many things for me to read and my memory is useless. We'll have to all use the same board because im just getting lost. Theres so many things I want to say that my heads just blank everytime I try and write something. Doesnt make it any easier that 'Coronation Street' is on the Tv right next to my ear. Gabbi will know what it is, so for the benefit for the rest of you its just a really annoying soap that on tv almost evryday especially for Northerners only. They kind of stereotype the different kinds of people to be found round here and its absolutly not true to real life and a waste of time watching, but saying that its the 'number 1' watched tv program in the UK. My parents get all the knowledge about drug abuse and gay relationships etc from this program, typical. Even when im trying to talk to them about something important they compare me to some bulls*** situation on this soap.
Sorry that I didnt write last night but I went all the way here to find out that my parents had gone out to the pub to watch the soccer on SKy tv at the pub. Everyone in my family is soccer mad appart from me. I dont like it because everyone else does.
Is it normal that im lying in my bed with thoughts of you lot swirling round my head. Makes it worse that i dont know what any of you look like. Ive got an idea but im probably very wrong. Its rubbish that ive not got that MSN but it'll be pointless for me as like I said its not my computer. I kind of like going to the library and stuff. I get to see my parents and have some hot food here for a change. I used to really love my flat at first until this annoying girl moved in underneath me. Im there trying not to let the doors bang and not playing my music loud at stupid times, but she just doesnt give a s***. Ive tried to talk to her about it but its pointless coz shes only 19-20 or something and I just feel bad telling her that as id just tell you to do one if you cam to my door when i was that age. All the other neighbours got a petition together to get her kicked out. I was the only one who didnt sign it for the reason I just said, but I think she thinks it was me who started the petition. Im not going to go round there and say it wasnt me because it looks like im grovelling to her. Sorry just whining about nothing.
Your right about the family thing, its nice but just a bit wierd that Ive got im the only guy or that ive got 4 sisters or wives, whatever way you look at it. The advice on this board is much better than any doctor can give because we choose to be here and have time for each other.
Teen Ive still not got any reply off the bloke about publishing yet. I was thinking that I might go and look again for some info about it. I better do it soon because im feeling enthusiastic about it right now but its not goin to last forever. Next week there'll probably be a new craze.
If it seems like im a broken biscuit today its because my brother came round to the flat for the first time since before christmas and its really stressed me out. Hes hard work as hes a scizophrenic physcopath and can be a bit of a handfull at 16 stone and mood swings that can be like that Tazmanian devil thing. You never know the right thing to say because you only need to say the wrong thing and he goes off his head. Hes never hit me properly but we've had a few fights but I reckon he'd make salad out of me but doesnt do it out of respect or simply that hes still frightened of me because of what he remembers about when I used to kicked his a** when we were kids. Up until about 20 years old he was fine but the air-force sent him to Iraq and he came back a complete basket case.
Hes a real intelligent guy and doesnt seem to want to take advice of anyone. Also hes fallen out with my mum and dad so im the only person privilidged enough in his eyes to be worth talking to. I love him so much and although I try and be strong for him, I feel completely depressed and upset once hjes gone. Hes supposed to be coming back tommorrow so that I can go to his place to fix his sink thats probably blocked up with food and to make sure his lifes in order.
I keep writing things and then erasing them because of one reason and another.
I'll be back in a second because theres a really important e-mail i have to write to someone.
back in a minute ok,
luv P.x
Gabster,
I was just wondering what Gabbi is short for or is it just your full name?
You were wondering why I told that woman my real address. well, she was a real important woman with ties to the local government. Im sure that she checked me out with the immigration. Besides that, once im away from H I am just my normal trustworthy self again. I gave her my address because i was really planning to pay her back. i dont know how but its the thought that counts!
I did almost die when I found her on my doorstep but wierder things have happenned.
I am planning to find someone who knows about publishing but with no luck yet. If I was going to give that story to a publisher it would be written with much more care with better grammer and vocabulary. If someone would just say, yeh i like your story but i want it doing properly until i even consider printing it, I would be over the moon and give 100% effort to the task.
hope youve had a nice day. It was sunny for a change but I still chose to stay in bed all day.
How long have you been clean now? Do you work and stuff?
better go home now, its late,
take it easy pet,
Senoir Rooski - Pablitto
I was just wondering what Gabbi is short for or is it just your full name?
You were wondering why I told that woman my real address. well, she was a real important woman with ties to the local government. Im sure that she checked me out with the immigration. Besides that, once im away from H I am just my normal trustworthy self again. I gave her my address because i was really planning to pay her back. i dont know how but its the thought that counts!
I did almost die when I found her on my doorstep but wierder things have happenned.
I am planning to find someone who knows about publishing but with no luck yet. If I was going to give that story to a publisher it would be written with much more care with better grammer and vocabulary. If someone would just say, yeh i like your story but i want it doing properly until i even consider printing it, I would be over the moon and give 100% effort to the task.
hope youve had a nice day. It was sunny for a change but I still chose to stay in bed all day.
How long have you been clean now? Do you work and stuff?
better go home now, its late,
take it easy pet,
Senoir Rooski - Pablitto
Goodmornin' peeps xx
Paul, Gabbi is short for Gabrielle-yes that is my curse!!!i.e.name!!
I just want you all to know that yes, your all really really important to me and i often wonder what yous look like and what your up to, so its not only you paul and BW, i would think we all value and love each other-opps didnt mean to sound mushey-
Paul, i've been off heroin since oct 01 (i did have a slip up in early 02 but dusted myself off and claimed back on the wagon and swapped meth for subutex) I'm still on subutex-down to 2mg-which is such a small amount i wish i could just stop taking it, but i do feel rough if i dont have it. I can remeber years ago laughing at my mate who was taking about 4mls of meth sayin why dont ya just stop, 4mls cant be holding ya, and now look at me!!!!......But as my drug worker says, at least i'm not using so if tapering from 2mgs of sub is what it takes for me to remain klean then so be it, then when i'm off sub i'm gonna take naltrexone for a bit, i find knowing you've got a blocker in your system really helps with the mental cravings, i tell ya since i swapped to sub it really has given me my life back...I'm just really scared when i get off everything cos all my adult life i've been addicted to summat, so i really need to jin NA or summat but with NA i cant get past the 'higher power' bit......
Yeah, i'm working now aswell-a first for me-i only work part time but it gives me summt to do everyday, and i go to the gym at work most days before i start, so i'm getting back into the 'work ethic'....
BW Thanks for your kind words i too feel part of a litte family here xxx
Love ya's
Gabbi
Paul, Gabbi is short for Gabrielle-yes that is my curse!!!i.e.name!!
I just want you all to know that yes, your all really really important to me and i often wonder what yous look like and what your up to, so its not only you paul and BW, i would think we all value and love each other-opps didnt mean to sound mushey-
Paul, i've been off heroin since oct 01 (i did have a slip up in early 02 but dusted myself off and claimed back on the wagon and swapped meth for subutex) I'm still on subutex-down to 2mg-which is such a small amount i wish i could just stop taking it, but i do feel rough if i dont have it. I can remeber years ago laughing at my mate who was taking about 4mls of meth sayin why dont ya just stop, 4mls cant be holding ya, and now look at me!!!!......But as my drug worker says, at least i'm not using so if tapering from 2mgs of sub is what it takes for me to remain klean then so be it, then when i'm off sub i'm gonna take naltrexone for a bit, i find knowing you've got a blocker in your system really helps with the mental cravings, i tell ya since i swapped to sub it really has given me my life back...I'm just really scared when i get off everything cos all my adult life i've been addicted to summat, so i really need to jin NA or summat but with NA i cant get past the 'higher power' bit......
Yeah, i'm working now aswell-a first for me-i only work part time but it gives me summt to do everyday, and i go to the gym at work most days before i start, so i'm getting back into the 'work ethic'....
BW Thanks for your kind words i too feel part of a litte family here xxx
Love ya's
Gabbi
Gabby,
Mornin'. Just got home from my local methadone clinic. Weather is awful. There's about half an inch of ice on everything, I couldn't even open the car door!
How did you do on methadone? What made you want to switch? I'm down to 40 ml now, over the past week. It's not holding me but 2-3 days without and I'm going nuts. I know this is sick but last night I sweat through a sheet and 2 blankets- woke up freezing. Does sub do that to you as well? When you're coming down on your dose?
Congrats on your 4 years or so of recovery! Gives me some hope, you know, considering what "they" say about the stats. I want to be free of this bullsh*t so badly, but it scares the hell out of me to think what it would be like to have nothing to help me along. It's like, if I'm having trouble staying clean on methadone, what's it gonna be like with nothing at all? And it's been such a huge part of my life for the past 4 years... I can't do anything or go anywhere without making prior arrangements. Really hinders my spontaneity. This will sound sick, too, but in a way it's like my baby. I know, I know- crazy!
Well, I saw you just posted so I thought I'd say hi and have a good one! So,
Hi,
heroin girl
Mornin'. Just got home from my local methadone clinic. Weather is awful. There's about half an inch of ice on everything, I couldn't even open the car door!
How did you do on methadone? What made you want to switch? I'm down to 40 ml now, over the past week. It's not holding me but 2-3 days without and I'm going nuts. I know this is sick but last night I sweat through a sheet and 2 blankets- woke up freezing. Does sub do that to you as well? When you're coming down on your dose?
Congrats on your 4 years or so of recovery! Gives me some hope, you know, considering what "they" say about the stats. I want to be free of this bullsh*t so badly, but it scares the hell out of me to think what it would be like to have nothing to help me along. It's like, if I'm having trouble staying clean on methadone, what's it gonna be like with nothing at all? And it's been such a huge part of my life for the past 4 years... I can't do anything or go anywhere without making prior arrangements. Really hinders my spontaneity. This will sound sick, too, but in a way it's like my baby. I know, I know- crazy!
Well, I saw you just posted so I thought I'd say hi and have a good one! So,
Hi,
heroin girl
Hi Hgirl,
The reason i swapped was cos i kept on 'topping up' with gear on top of meth, but on sub i found it took away a lot of the mental cravings cos there some kind of blocker in it and you may aswell burn your cash, for me it was the last option really, and to be totally honset when i did the swap it wsnt pain free but it was mild compared to the rattles i'd done before, i taperd down to about 35mls and then swapped to sub and i've never looked back and i've managed to stay away from smack since i've been on sub-this is the longest ever that i've not used, i was always trying to get klean then relapsing-you know the cycle- many people may slag off sub but for me it has given me my life back-i've also done a lot of hard work aswel, i now can hold down a job and life a 'normal life' where as when i was using i was squatting, living on site in buses and trucks and caravans ect and i've had to cut ties with everyone i knew who used, infact i've gone home to my mums.... but i think i need to join some kind of face to face support group to get over this fnal hurdle, its just getting the guts to go.....
How are you doing today?
Love Gabs xxx
The reason i swapped was cos i kept on 'topping up' with gear on top of meth, but on sub i found it took away a lot of the mental cravings cos there some kind of blocker in it and you may aswell burn your cash, for me it was the last option really, and to be totally honset when i did the swap it wsnt pain free but it was mild compared to the rattles i'd done before, i taperd down to about 35mls and then swapped to sub and i've never looked back and i've managed to stay away from smack since i've been on sub-this is the longest ever that i've not used, i was always trying to get klean then relapsing-you know the cycle- many people may slag off sub but for me it has given me my life back-i've also done a lot of hard work aswel, i now can hold down a job and life a 'normal life' where as when i was using i was squatting, living on site in buses and trucks and caravans ect and i've had to cut ties with everyone i knew who used, infact i've gone home to my mums.... but i think i need to join some kind of face to face support group to get over this fnal hurdle, its just getting the guts to go.....
How are you doing today?
Love Gabs xxx
Gabbi & H-girl
Hope u don't mind me jumping in here i just wanted to say all the best to u both, reading these posts have helped me see how hard it is to come off heroin and it has helped me to be much more supportive of my husband (who is also a recovering heroin addict) i have absolutely no idea what it must be like and i know that can be most annoying! ......take care and thanks for your help (even though you never knew!) love Molly.
Hope u don't mind me jumping in here i just wanted to say all the best to u both, reading these posts have helped me see how hard it is to come off heroin and it has helped me to be much more supportive of my husband (who is also a recovering heroin addict) i have absolutely no idea what it must be like and i know that can be most annoying! ......take care and thanks for your help (even though you never knew!) love Molly.
Hi Molly,
Your welcom to butt in anytime, Yeah it is a total life changing experiance-getting klean-and the hardest thing i've ever done!!!!....Goodluck to your husband, and know if i can do it then there is hope that anyone can, cos i'm not the most strong willed person but i knew there were 3 options left, opt1 get klean, opt2 go to prison, opt3 die!!!......I opted for the 1st one...
Hope your okay? Remember you are important too, cos i know addicts can be very very self absorbed...
Goodluck
Love
Gabs
Your welcom to butt in anytime, Yeah it is a total life changing experiance-getting klean-and the hardest thing i've ever done!!!!....Goodluck to your husband, and know if i can do it then there is hope that anyone can, cos i'm not the most strong willed person but i knew there were 3 options left, opt1 get klean, opt2 go to prison, opt3 die!!!......I opted for the 1st one...
Hope your okay? Remember you are important too, cos i know addicts can be very very self absorbed...
Goodluck
Love
Gabs
Hiya Teena,Gabrielle!,Sandy,H-girl and anyone else who knows me,
we should stay with this one I think, coz theres to many on the other Russia post and the other one wont attract any other people because its a message from teena to me.
These message boards and the new friends ive met on here are defiantly good for my life. I even woke up this morning ready and raring to get out of bed and go.
I dont know why you dont like your name Gabby, its a brilliant name. I wouldnt mind being called Gabriel, like the Angel. Angels are cool dont you think?
Anyway your name isnt as bad as 'Paul', now that is a boring as f*** name. I wish my parents could have thought of something more adventurous. Its a could job they didnt call my Boris though.
My middle name is Christopher and I suppose thats a bit better.
If I ever had any kids I like the name Lewis,Nikita Raphael and for girls Annastasia and Gemini are Nice names. Neutron for a cat and Alan for a dog.
You seem to be doing well with your habit and i wish you all the luck in the world. Personally I dont really care for work ethics and things like NA, but thats how ive always been. Im sorry to say that I hate work and I hate getting out of bed so that i can go to place where a s***head tells you what to do all day. I suppose you might think im lazy but I just like doing what I want thats all.
I still value what your saying though because ive been using meth for ages and topping up most weeks and i also wonder whst im goin to do , to replace the routine of an addicts life. I like your idea of going to the gym because I'd do that anyway.
I was wondering, you know how you all say that you go to the gym and everything. Do you not find that you end up sweating all the meth or subis out of you? Ive been thinking about going back to the gym a lot but i wonder if I could build any of myself up or whether it'll just be a waste of time.
Im so unfit that the other day i was being persued by some unhappy guys about something that i'd only run about 200 yards and I was pissing sweat from every pore on my body. It was awful and then I had to go and sit and talk to my probabtion worker for an hour coated in cold sweat.
Gabrielle, i was wondering if you ever get really bad cravings to use or have you totally kicked it out of your life now? Im worried because I know that an addicts life is bad for me and that i cant realistically be one if I ever wanted to finish the other things left that i want to do. DDo I have to totally hate drugs before I can seriously think of stopping for good. Im worried because i just dont think its going to happen as like you ive always been using something for the last 15 years of my life.
I'm still going to go into rehab and just rely on the fact that I know I cant take heroin forever and go through with it and think of a different plan once im clean. I know there are people who are readin this who'll say 'no, you'll fail and everything' but think its possible to stop taking heroin even if you do still enjoy the feeling of it. I just cant lie to myself and pretend its a s*** feeling when it isnt.
You said there were 3 options and I dont think i'll do anything thats going to lead me to prison coz i would have already done it in the past 20 years, I doubt that i'll die. You see my life is ok at the moment and the ONLY thing I would give up using for is because of either 1.I want to travel to more places or 2. If the life of a person of whom i love depended on it.
If your there Sandy, well done girl, its been 15 days now for you. Hey , dont you forget about us once your totally drug free ok.
You know, you guys are seriously good for my life and since ive been writing on here i feel like a much happier person in general. Its not mushy Gabs.
Do you think that if we all met in person that we'd get on?
Whats happenned to you T?, did you get my e-mail yesterday?
ok, best go now coz I need to get some bread and see a man about a dog.
hope your all having a good day,
Luv from R-Paul xxxx
we should stay with this one I think, coz theres to many on the other Russia post and the other one wont attract any other people because its a message from teena to me.
These message boards and the new friends ive met on here are defiantly good for my life. I even woke up this morning ready and raring to get out of bed and go.
I dont know why you dont like your name Gabby, its a brilliant name. I wouldnt mind being called Gabriel, like the Angel. Angels are cool dont you think?
Anyway your name isnt as bad as 'Paul', now that is a boring as f*** name. I wish my parents could have thought of something more adventurous. Its a could job they didnt call my Boris though.
My middle name is Christopher and I suppose thats a bit better.
If I ever had any kids I like the name Lewis,Nikita Raphael and for girls Annastasia and Gemini are Nice names. Neutron for a cat and Alan for a dog.
You seem to be doing well with your habit and i wish you all the luck in the world. Personally I dont really care for work ethics and things like NA, but thats how ive always been. Im sorry to say that I hate work and I hate getting out of bed so that i can go to place where a s***head tells you what to do all day. I suppose you might think im lazy but I just like doing what I want thats all.
I still value what your saying though because ive been using meth for ages and topping up most weeks and i also wonder whst im goin to do , to replace the routine of an addicts life. I like your idea of going to the gym because I'd do that anyway.
I was wondering, you know how you all say that you go to the gym and everything. Do you not find that you end up sweating all the meth or subis out of you? Ive been thinking about going back to the gym a lot but i wonder if I could build any of myself up or whether it'll just be a waste of time.
Im so unfit that the other day i was being persued by some unhappy guys about something that i'd only run about 200 yards and I was pissing sweat from every pore on my body. It was awful and then I had to go and sit and talk to my probabtion worker for an hour coated in cold sweat.
Gabrielle, i was wondering if you ever get really bad cravings to use or have you totally kicked it out of your life now? Im worried because I know that an addicts life is bad for me and that i cant realistically be one if I ever wanted to finish the other things left that i want to do. DDo I have to totally hate drugs before I can seriously think of stopping for good. Im worried because i just dont think its going to happen as like you ive always been using something for the last 15 years of my life.
I'm still going to go into rehab and just rely on the fact that I know I cant take heroin forever and go through with it and think of a different plan once im clean. I know there are people who are readin this who'll say 'no, you'll fail and everything' but think its possible to stop taking heroin even if you do still enjoy the feeling of it. I just cant lie to myself and pretend its a s*** feeling when it isnt.
You said there were 3 options and I dont think i'll do anything thats going to lead me to prison coz i would have already done it in the past 20 years, I doubt that i'll die. You see my life is ok at the moment and the ONLY thing I would give up using for is because of either 1.I want to travel to more places or 2. If the life of a person of whom i love depended on it.
If your there Sandy, well done girl, its been 15 days now for you. Hey , dont you forget about us once your totally drug free ok.
You know, you guys are seriously good for my life and since ive been writing on here i feel like a much happier person in general. Its not mushy Gabs.
Do you think that if we all met in person that we'd get on?
Whats happenned to you T?, did you get my e-mail yesterday?
ok, best go now coz I need to get some bread and see a man about a dog.
hope your all having a good day,
Luv from R-Paul xxxx
HIya again,
H-girl, I forgot to tell you what its like where I am. I live in a town called Bolton, North of manchester. It used to be a thriving metropolis that exported cotton and is well known for making Warburtons bread. I can smell the bread factory from my house on a windy night, its lush. Theres no cotton anymore but all the immigrants who came from India when it was part of the Empire are now living here. Half of Bolton is Indian and the other half is for Brits and other immigarnts like my family. We're Ukranians and came across at the end of WW2.
Bolton is bordered in the North by high moorland in the North and Manchester to the South. 20 minutes from my flat and you can be in the middle of no-where or in town. When I go away from Bolton I really miss the fresh Bolton countryside even though ive not been up there for a while.
The weather is mild and theres only been a couple of days snow on xmas day and that week but appart from that its been mostly dull and rainy. Theres normally more snow than this but the greenhouse effect has messed things up. the sooner the boffins figure out how to get rid of the rest of the ozone layer the better if you ask me, then we can have hot weather all year round!
I wouldnt say its a really friendly place. Its actually a bit dodgy because its a working class town with working class people. Ive heard people say New York is supposed to be rough but ive been there and its nothing compared to here, but I suppose everywhere has its bad spots.
What else? the cost of a can of coke is about 40p, thats 75 cents american. The staple dish is 'fish and chips' and Bolton people like to spend their spare time either drinking or fighting. Its a sad place but its home. I miss it until I come back.
Does that answer your question.
oh, I was wondering, whats your real name? It doesnt matter if you dont want to give it though, but you said your getting clean so h-girl might not be appropiate, maybe ,meth-girl, sub-girl or something.
take it easy,
from Ruski-Paul x
H-girl, I forgot to tell you what its like where I am. I live in a town called Bolton, North of manchester. It used to be a thriving metropolis that exported cotton and is well known for making Warburtons bread. I can smell the bread factory from my house on a windy night, its lush. Theres no cotton anymore but all the immigrants who came from India when it was part of the Empire are now living here. Half of Bolton is Indian and the other half is for Brits and other immigarnts like my family. We're Ukranians and came across at the end of WW2.
Bolton is bordered in the North by high moorland in the North and Manchester to the South. 20 minutes from my flat and you can be in the middle of no-where or in town. When I go away from Bolton I really miss the fresh Bolton countryside even though ive not been up there for a while.
The weather is mild and theres only been a couple of days snow on xmas day and that week but appart from that its been mostly dull and rainy. Theres normally more snow than this but the greenhouse effect has messed things up. the sooner the boffins figure out how to get rid of the rest of the ozone layer the better if you ask me, then we can have hot weather all year round!
I wouldnt say its a really friendly place. Its actually a bit dodgy because its a working class town with working class people. Ive heard people say New York is supposed to be rough but ive been there and its nothing compared to here, but I suppose everywhere has its bad spots.
What else? the cost of a can of coke is about 40p, thats 75 cents american. The staple dish is 'fish and chips' and Bolton people like to spend their spare time either drinking or fighting. Its a sad place but its home. I miss it until I come back.
Does that answer your question.
oh, I was wondering, whats your real name? It doesnt matter if you dont want to give it though, but you said your getting clean so h-girl might not be appropiate, maybe ,meth-girl, sub-girl or something.
take it easy,
from Ruski-Paul x
Molly,
I'm glad that what you read on here is helping you to understand your husband's situation a bit better. I wish you both the very best and I think it's very caring of you to try to learn more about addiction by reading the posts here. Sometimes it helps if you can separate the man you know as your husband from the behavior of an addict. I know, easier said than done. This disease is so horrible. I would rather deal with any other physical illness than this. You must be very supportive and I promise you that is important. But remember that you must take of yourself first.
With love,
heroin girl
I'm glad that what you read on here is helping you to understand your husband's situation a bit better. I wish you both the very best and I think it's very caring of you to try to learn more about addiction by reading the posts here. Sometimes it helps if you can separate the man you know as your husband from the behavior of an addict. I know, easier said than done. This disease is so horrible. I would rather deal with any other physical illness than this. You must be very supportive and I promise you that is important. But remember that you must take of yourself first.
With love,
heroin girl
Ruski-Paul,
Hey, how're you doing? Good to hear that you are well and all. Bolton sounds a bit shady. Doesn't all the rain depress you? Winter rain is a drag. I would prefer snow to rain in the winter just because it's so beautiful when it is fresh. But trust me, I've had enough snow for now. I was in NYC after x-mas. My first time there, too. Ever since I was little I had dreamed of going to the city. I grew up in a very small town where most folks don't go ANYWHERE. They drop out of school, get married, have a family and are forced to work in the coal mines or somewhere like Wal-Mart. It's very depressing as well. But it is a very friendly town, hell, everyone knows everyone. And if you don't know them, then you still speak or throw your hand up to them when you see them. I kinda like that. But I could do without the gossip and nosiness. I'm not there anymore anyway. I had an amazing time in NY. I loved it. You know how when you build something up in your mind for years and years and you have such high expectations that it couldn't possibly live up to your dreams? Well, NY was just how I had imagined it would be. I loved it and was heartbroken to leave.(I was there for New Year's,too) From what I learned from some locals, the city has completely changed since Gulliani took office. He attempted to rid the city of all the homeless people, the prostitutes and sex industries, and the gangs and drugs. It was a big deal because many New Yorkers thought he was violating people's civil rights. And he did.
I am a little ambivalent about using my name on here. It's very unusual. I think that's cool that your family's Ukranian. I have some unusual family roots. So, have you seen any pictures of your friends on here? Was it as you pictured? Don't you wonder if the way you see yourself is the way others see you? For me, I'd say no. Definitely no.
I'm going to have to cut this short, I am being forced off the only computer in the house by my dad. I will have to finish this up tomorrow, ok? All apologies, Paul.
Always good to talk to you,
h-girl (how 'bout I just stick to h-girl, instead of writing out the word heroin?)
Hey, how're you doing? Good to hear that you are well and all. Bolton sounds a bit shady. Doesn't all the rain depress you? Winter rain is a drag. I would prefer snow to rain in the winter just because it's so beautiful when it is fresh. But trust me, I've had enough snow for now. I was in NYC after x-mas. My first time there, too. Ever since I was little I had dreamed of going to the city. I grew up in a very small town where most folks don't go ANYWHERE. They drop out of school, get married, have a family and are forced to work in the coal mines or somewhere like Wal-Mart. It's very depressing as well. But it is a very friendly town, hell, everyone knows everyone. And if you don't know them, then you still speak or throw your hand up to them when you see them. I kinda like that. But I could do without the gossip and nosiness. I'm not there anymore anyway. I had an amazing time in NY. I loved it. You know how when you build something up in your mind for years and years and you have such high expectations that it couldn't possibly live up to your dreams? Well, NY was just how I had imagined it would be. I loved it and was heartbroken to leave.(I was there for New Year's,too) From what I learned from some locals, the city has completely changed since Gulliani took office. He attempted to rid the city of all the homeless people, the prostitutes and sex industries, and the gangs and drugs. It was a big deal because many New Yorkers thought he was violating people's civil rights. And he did.
I am a little ambivalent about using my name on here. It's very unusual. I think that's cool that your family's Ukranian. I have some unusual family roots. So, have you seen any pictures of your friends on here? Was it as you pictured? Don't you wonder if the way you see yourself is the way others see you? For me, I'd say no. Definitely no.
I'm going to have to cut this short, I am being forced off the only computer in the house by my dad. I will have to finish this up tomorrow, ok? All apologies, Paul.
Always good to talk to you,
h-girl (how 'bout I just stick to h-girl, instead of writing out the word heroin?)
Hi Friends!
Just wanted to stop by and give a "shout out" to everyone. I hope everyone is doing well and feeling good...or better...or even just ok! lol...Even though I'm feeling better I've never had so many headaches in my life! My cousin thinks I'm popping asprin cause its just a pill habit...not true! lol...
I've gotten through the shakes and sweating part....sleeping a bit more with the help of some OTC' meds. Man miss getting high though. Will that feeling EVER go away...the wanting part. I dont think I can just take one...if you know what I mean. Like potato chips...lol....
Superbowl this Sunday...anyone watching?!? If not just cross your fingers for Philly! Saturday I'm going to Portland with my cousin to see a race car. He's a huge racing freak, has two cars now and wants to get another. Not my thing, but i'm looking forward to the ride down. Sun was out today but the rain is a coming...afterall this is seattle! ugh!
Have a good night everyone. Hope to hear from you all tomorrow.
Sandy-
Just wanted to stop by and give a "shout out" to everyone. I hope everyone is doing well and feeling good...or better...or even just ok! lol...Even though I'm feeling better I've never had so many headaches in my life! My cousin thinks I'm popping asprin cause its just a pill habit...not true! lol...
I've gotten through the shakes and sweating part....sleeping a bit more with the help of some OTC' meds. Man miss getting high though. Will that feeling EVER go away...the wanting part. I dont think I can just take one...if you know what I mean. Like potato chips...lol....
Superbowl this Sunday...anyone watching?!? If not just cross your fingers for Philly! Saturday I'm going to Portland with my cousin to see a race car. He's a huge racing freak, has two cars now and wants to get another. Not my thing, but i'm looking forward to the ride down. Sun was out today but the rain is a coming...afterall this is seattle! ugh!
Have a good night everyone. Hope to hear from you all tomorrow.
Sandy-
Gabs&H-girl
Thanks for your kind words........all the stories on here have only amazed me - I really do look after myself because i know if i didn't i could only ever be a negative influence, anyway i think i have my waffling head on today so i will spare you that!!! i'm not that good at writing! thanks once again and i really wish you all the best in your recovery you deserve it.................love Molly
Thanks for your kind words........all the stories on here have only amazed me - I really do look after myself because i know if i didn't i could only ever be a negative influence, anyway i think i have my waffling head on today so i will spare you that!!! i'm not that good at writing! thanks once again and i really wish you all the best in your recovery you deserve it.................love Molly
Hey everyone, hpe y'all well?
Reguarding the gym paul, cos i'm on a really low dose now i dont sweat too much, and i dont feel rough after the gym i feel better cos it gets the endorfins(sp?) goin, i can deffo feel the bennefits. I can remember thinking at one point in my life that i'd never wake up feeling 'normal', you know waking up clucking is the worst feeling in the world, but now i never rattle, sub for me has been a godsend.......I hope that soon you'll realise life has soooooooo much more to offer than smack! Dont get me wrong i absolutly love it, but i also hate it, now if ever i get a craving i will think about it logically, I may write down the pro's and con's of using and the con's far out way the pro's......This shows i've come a long way cos when i was using i didnt have cravings cos i just constantly used, and if i did get a craving low and behold i'd just run off and score, no ifs ands or buts!!!.....Now I too hate working, and at 30yrs old this is my 1st proper job!!!!..But this has been summat i've had to do for my own sanity, cos stopping gear is all well and good but what d'ya do will all the time on your hands, cos for me being a smackhead was a full time job!!!....I had to totally changfe my life, get rid of everyone i knew and start afresh! I've got a looooong way to go but as they say, i didnt become an addict in a day so it will take time to get better, just know paul if I can get klean (people had written me off, thinking i was gonna die or get locked up) then ther is hope for anyone!!!!...
Just thought i'd say, be careful cos how do you know that next fix isnt gonna kill ya? you dont so be careful, my exboyfriend didnt think he was gonna die, but he did!!!!!.............Let us know how ya doin...Love ya's..............Gabs
Reguarding the gym paul, cos i'm on a really low dose now i dont sweat too much, and i dont feel rough after the gym i feel better cos it gets the endorfins(sp?) goin, i can deffo feel the bennefits. I can remember thinking at one point in my life that i'd never wake up feeling 'normal', you know waking up clucking is the worst feeling in the world, but now i never rattle, sub for me has been a godsend.......I hope that soon you'll realise life has soooooooo much more to offer than smack! Dont get me wrong i absolutly love it, but i also hate it, now if ever i get a craving i will think about it logically, I may write down the pro's and con's of using and the con's far out way the pro's......This shows i've come a long way cos when i was using i didnt have cravings cos i just constantly used, and if i did get a craving low and behold i'd just run off and score, no ifs ands or buts!!!.....Now I too hate working, and at 30yrs old this is my 1st proper job!!!!..But this has been summat i've had to do for my own sanity, cos stopping gear is all well and good but what d'ya do will all the time on your hands, cos for me being a smackhead was a full time job!!!....I had to totally changfe my life, get rid of everyone i knew and start afresh! I've got a looooong way to go but as they say, i didnt become an addict in a day so it will take time to get better, just know paul if I can get klean (people had written me off, thinking i was gonna die or get locked up) then ther is hope for anyone!!!!...
Just thought i'd say, be careful cos how do you know that next fix isnt gonna kill ya? you dont so be careful, my exboyfriend didnt think he was gonna die, but he did!!!!!.............Let us know how ya doin...Love ya's..............Gabs
