Theresa Hun:
The only thing that annoys me about you is you spend too much time blasting people or trying to begin some sort of saga. Im not into that which I have already proven. Spend only 5 minutes a day you set aside to attack me and use that to help a newbie and I will not only respect you a little more but I would also be impressed. Maybe you do have it in you to reach out to people that need you rather than pick on me.
People here read the posts, most understand your intentions would never be to help me. In fact, my recovery seems to eat you alive. This will be the last time I address you or anything YOU are trying to create.
All the best to you and please, as you have given me things to consider, put a little thought into you bitterness issues.
You have been formally dismissed. Wish you the best !
now i'm not picking on anyone, but i would like to share something very valuable to me that i learned dealing with co-dependency -- which is a form of addiction in which a person who is not addicted to substances becomes in essence addicted to a person who is addicted to substances. the mental obsessions are roughly the same.
maybe readers have heard of the process that i am about to describe, maybe not. if not, sometimes understanding and being introduced to the process goes a long way towards resolving unintended conflict.
but, in group work, a person sits quietly, without speaking, and listens to a concern expressed to that person about that person -- by another person, perhaps a member of the group. a concern can be anyting from how the person is acting, how they are thinking, how they are interacting.
the concern is expressed and the person receiving the concern is neither expected, nor allowed to respond to the concern verbally or otherwise.
because the concern is just a concern, maybe an observation, not necessarily advice, but it can be. it may be totally off base.
but the person receiving the concern is "caused" to look at it and discern for themselves whether the concern should be addressed -- or not. sometimes several people over time, out of love, will express the same concern for the person -- which, at times, causes the person to maybe look closer at the concern.
there's really nothing personal about a concern being expressed in that way. there's no response to it. it's objective, not subjective. a concern is expressed out of love for the person. it may hurt. it may cause grief. it may cause pain.
sometimes receiving a concern helps us clarify our thinking.
sometimes expressing concerns are like church preachers or street preachers -- the person delivering the message is there to "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable."
usually, a concern is expressed by the person delivering the concern saying,
"____________, i have a concern that i would like to express to you." that's the cue.
my 25 year old son and i use the process with each other. he is an addict and an alcoholic. it works beautify and we don't struggle with our relationship like we used to. beacause we have agreed to the process. neither of us get defensive much anymore and our aggression towards each other is substantially diminished.
for me, i'm still working on the self-pity issue, and my prayer today is that if i am willing to do the work and i actually do the work, my Higher Power will remove from me this character defect.
and, thank God, my resentments are being plucked out one by one, i think, for which i am grateful today.
peace to everyone -- and to your household.
maybe readers have heard of the process that i am about to describe, maybe not. if not, sometimes understanding and being introduced to the process goes a long way towards resolving unintended conflict.
but, in group work, a person sits quietly, without speaking, and listens to a concern expressed to that person about that person -- by another person, perhaps a member of the group. a concern can be anyting from how the person is acting, how they are thinking, how they are interacting.
the concern is expressed and the person receiving the concern is neither expected, nor allowed to respond to the concern verbally or otherwise.
because the concern is just a concern, maybe an observation, not necessarily advice, but it can be. it may be totally off base.
but the person receiving the concern is "caused" to look at it and discern for themselves whether the concern should be addressed -- or not. sometimes several people over time, out of love, will express the same concern for the person -- which, at times, causes the person to maybe look closer at the concern.
there's really nothing personal about a concern being expressed in that way. there's no response to it. it's objective, not subjective. a concern is expressed out of love for the person. it may hurt. it may cause grief. it may cause pain.
sometimes receiving a concern helps us clarify our thinking.
sometimes expressing concerns are like church preachers or street preachers -- the person delivering the message is there to "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable."
usually, a concern is expressed by the person delivering the concern saying,
"____________, i have a concern that i would like to express to you." that's the cue.
my 25 year old son and i use the process with each other. he is an addict and an alcoholic. it works beautify and we don't struggle with our relationship like we used to. beacause we have agreed to the process. neither of us get defensive much anymore and our aggression towards each other is substantially diminished.
for me, i'm still working on the self-pity issue, and my prayer today is that if i am willing to do the work and i actually do the work, my Higher Power will remove from me this character defect.
and, thank God, my resentments are being plucked out one by one, i think, for which i am grateful today.
peace to everyone -- and to your household.
K,
You just lashed out at Theresa for something you condoned in a previous post, "tough love" yeah right, only when it doesnt apply to you, right? You cant be for real..... and btw Theresa couldnt have been more correct in her assesment IMO...
You just lashed out at Theresa for something you condoned in a previous post, "tough love" yeah right, only when it doesnt apply to you, right? You cant be for real..... and btw Theresa couldnt have been more correct in her assesment IMO...
Bob B. wrote.......
usually, a concern is expressed by the person delivering the concern saying,
"____________, i have a concern that i would like to express to you." that's the cue.
Bob B.....thanks for your post above on concerns. Based on what you wrote,
perhaps we should express our concern for her.........soon.
usually, a concern is expressed by the person delivering the concern saying,
"____________, i have a concern that i would like to express to you." that's the cue.
Bob B.....thanks for your post above on concerns. Based on what you wrote,
perhaps we should express our concern for her.........soon.
you're welcome. i hope it helps.
in relationships, it sometimes helps to agree on some processes, particularly if they require, by their naure, come level of conflict or change. and recovery, as we have all come to know, ususally requires both. and heavy doses of compassion.
my love to you.
in relationships, it sometimes helps to agree on some processes, particularly if they require, by their naure, come level of conflict or change. and recovery, as we have all come to know, ususally requires both. and heavy doses of compassion.
my love to you.
Hang at the front. Vinny u gotta do this it is a testl ((((HAHAHAHA))))
tina
tina
I have to say this only because I am truly sick and tired of it. Mrs, I don't know why you act this way, and please don't feel like I am attacking you, because I am just wondering. Why when someone questions something you put in a post, that you get so defensive? Teresa was just saying that in a previous post you had, you said you didn't get enough tough love, then when someone tries to give it to you, you get defensive and out right rude. I am very confused? I have no ill will towards you, but sometimes your comments are too rude. I wish you well with your tapering though, and hope it all goes well.
Teresa your post was just fine chicky...Big hugs to all, Kim
Teresa your post was just fine chicky...Big hugs to all, Kim
OK, your spiel on self-pity got to me. I have a debilitating injury going on 6 years, pain pills 4 years. Single mom to a small child I grieve over because I want to give him so much more.
I was thinking to myself, who cares? Go get yourself a liquor habit or coke . . . heroin, whatever. Do it up right girl. The idea of free falling into numbness is so attractive.
After reading your bit on pity, a glimmer of hope returns. Then it fades.
I was thinking to myself, who cares? Go get yourself a liquor habit or coke . . . heroin, whatever. Do it up right girl. The idea of free falling into numbness is so attractive.
After reading your bit on pity, a glimmer of hope returns. Then it fades.
I care, Lisa, Okay, there's one. I bet alot of people will come on to say they do too. I bet your child cares and other people in your life too. You said you got some hope, even though it faded. Hey, read it again. Don't give up. Let those ideas really sink in. Try the exercise that Bob suggested. What do you have to lose? You matter, you are important. You also showed signs of courage by coming and telling what was on your heart. It's not always easy to do that. Keep trying, Lisa. Love, Kat
I too care Lisa. A drug addiction will take you MUCH further away from your baby emotionally than your illness ever could. If you are sick, that is NOT YOUR FAULT. Do as much for/with your baby as possible and rest in knowing you child is loved.... and knows it.
IF you are using your meds to get high, or have ever even considered it, please stick around this board. You think you are sick now, you dont want what we have darling, I assure you. Maybe reading posts and seeing the pure horror that using, excuse me, abusing drugs has brought to so many lives will sway your decision. I pray that saves you. It starts out with "hrm, wonder what it would feel like if I took two". Then next week it is three... sooner or later it is 10 or more a day and you look back and dont even realize how it happened or when. In short, you're high. High consumes you and your thoughts. Most importantly, it consumes your mind and turns you into a selfish person and in most cases one that is mad at the world until we get clean.
Are you lonely? I am. I admit it, and I have four kids! Some can be surrounded by people that love them and still feel lonely. If that is something you are going through simply post "Hey people, Im lonely... hang out with me. We will. Aint no shame in this game.
Welcome to the board. Although you say you havent began abusing I still feel like you belong here. Considering it is only one step away from doing it. Please keep that in mind. Even if you dont feel the need to post, please read because as I said... you may be sick now but you dont want what we have. Untreated, our disease is like AIDS, only a matter of time before we wither away and die as our family that loves us has to sit by and watch. Dont do that to your baby.
If guilt is an issue with you, guilt which is unfounded, no good reason to feel it, I relate. If you would like to talk about that, Im here... let me know.
And by way, let me say it again WE CARE.
IF you are using your meds to get high, or have ever even considered it, please stick around this board. You think you are sick now, you dont want what we have darling, I assure you. Maybe reading posts and seeing the pure horror that using, excuse me, abusing drugs has brought to so many lives will sway your decision. I pray that saves you. It starts out with "hrm, wonder what it would feel like if I took two". Then next week it is three... sooner or later it is 10 or more a day and you look back and dont even realize how it happened or when. In short, you're high. High consumes you and your thoughts. Most importantly, it consumes your mind and turns you into a selfish person and in most cases one that is mad at the world until we get clean.
Are you lonely? I am. I admit it, and I have four kids! Some can be surrounded by people that love them and still feel lonely. If that is something you are going through simply post "Hey people, Im lonely... hang out with me. We will. Aint no shame in this game.
Welcome to the board. Although you say you havent began abusing I still feel like you belong here. Considering it is only one step away from doing it. Please keep that in mind. Even if you dont feel the need to post, please read because as I said... you may be sick now but you dont want what we have. Untreated, our disease is like AIDS, only a matter of time before we wither away and die as our family that loves us has to sit by and watch. Dont do that to your baby.
If guilt is an issue with you, guilt which is unfounded, no good reason to feel it, I relate. If you would like to talk about that, Im here... let me know.
And by way, let me say it again WE CARE.
Morning Lisa.....
In the few words you wrote, volumes were spoken....
Free falling into the numbness, will only serve to take any glimmer of hope away, and strip more of your heart in the process.......
Read here, read the desperation, the pain, heartache......then read the hope, the newness if life in the eyes of those who have just found freedom, some for the first time....some who are starting out again, still fighting the demons.....
Read the pain of those like me on the other side of this disease......what you wrote doing it up good....well I have seen the damage pills can do...then herion came back and that damage is far worse......Read Janets(bumpandbad) posts she wrote so beautifully on the hell of coke, how it wrapped her up again, and how fast it brought her to her knees......
Read phantom's and the decisions that are ever present because the drugs are still calling.....I could go on and on.......Read the fighing that happenes here everyday, the support that comes to lift the souls of those hurting, maybe thinking that life is not worth the fight.......
I will tell you it is, It is a gift each day and each day we all get a chance to make positive changes in our lives, to smile, to laugh, to love.....most days the choice is ours whether it will be good or bad....Today is a new day for all of us, that includes you.....Take today and find the beauty in it, the smiles, the laughter.....find you in it and know that you are worth this day, and those to come........
Love,
Tina
In the few words you wrote, volumes were spoken....
Free falling into the numbness, will only serve to take any glimmer of hope away, and strip more of your heart in the process.......
Read here, read the desperation, the pain, heartache......then read the hope, the newness if life in the eyes of those who have just found freedom, some for the first time....some who are starting out again, still fighting the demons.....
Read the pain of those like me on the other side of this disease......what you wrote doing it up good....well I have seen the damage pills can do...then herion came back and that damage is far worse......Read Janets(bumpandbad) posts she wrote so beautifully on the hell of coke, how it wrapped her up again, and how fast it brought her to her knees......
Read phantom's and the decisions that are ever present because the drugs are still calling.....I could go on and on.......Read the fighing that happenes here everyday, the support that comes to lift the souls of those hurting, maybe thinking that life is not worth the fight.......
I will tell you it is, It is a gift each day and each day we all get a chance to make positive changes in our lives, to smile, to laugh, to love.....most days the choice is ours whether it will be good or bad....Today is a new day for all of us, that includes you.....Take today and find the beauty in it, the smiles, the laughter.....find you in it and know that you are worth this day, and those to come........
Love,
Tina
Good Morning Tina as always your words are beautiful & touching.Im so glad your apart of this board....
lisa, so often real healing begins with an awareness and acknowledgement of what we are thinking and what we are feeling. so many never take the time each day to even ask the question -- what am i thinking ? what am i feeling ? where is God ? have I taken the time today to align my will and my spirit with God ? today, who am i ? is this who i should be ? are there some things that I just need to throw away -- like cleaning out the closet or garage every now and then or cleaning out the refrigerator. and when we do that, we find we have a lot more room than we thought to add something that we really like or that we really need.
self pity is like a lot of other emotions that are destructive. and we can't get rid of them all at one time. but we can work on one of them each day, for say, 10 minutes.
you have a little hope -- build on it. pray for hope, if you are one to pray. over two weeks, just pray for hope 10 minutes a day, first thing in the morning. you will be amazed at the difference it makes. i used to pray for faith. i still pray every day for an increase in faith. because there was a time when i had none. and it became a very dark, down, depressing existence, and once faith was gone, hope diminished also -- it just has to.
may you find peace today, just today, and a relief from your burdens. or someone to help you bear them.
please keep sharing -- it's good for the soul . . . and often brings healing. thanks for being with us.
self pity is like a lot of other emotions that are destructive. and we can't get rid of them all at one time. but we can work on one of them each day, for say, 10 minutes.
you have a little hope -- build on it. pray for hope, if you are one to pray. over two weeks, just pray for hope 10 minutes a day, first thing in the morning. you will be amazed at the difference it makes. i used to pray for faith. i still pray every day for an increase in faith. because there was a time when i had none. and it became a very dark, down, depressing existence, and once faith was gone, hope diminished also -- it just has to.
may you find peace today, just today, and a relief from your burdens. or someone to help you bear them.
please keep sharing -- it's good for the soul . . . and often brings healing. thanks for being with us.
Lisa,
Tell us your story, whats going on in your life? I read you saw hope, but it quickly fades. There is hope.....its up to us to find it and hold onto it.
What can we do to help you?
On a side note regarding this thread I have to address a few things.
I see where respect is demanded, but the person demanding it having total disregard for the same conditions being asked to apply to themselves.
I have found in my own personal journey that sometimes being asked to look into myself, and put my defenses down is crucial.
We are all at different spots in our recovery, to formally dismiss someone that has been where I have been, and is trying to get at honesty is just foolish. To assume my recovery is eating away at someone, someone trying to help in a respectful manner, is again foolish.
I have been there, that place that I don't want to admit things, the truth, especially our own truth can hurt. I urge all of us to try to get honest with ourselves.
We all need to be careful not to get in our own way.
JMHO.
Redd
Tell us your story, whats going on in your life? I read you saw hope, but it quickly fades. There is hope.....its up to us to find it and hold onto it.
What can we do to help you?
On a side note regarding this thread I have to address a few things.
I see where respect is demanded, but the person demanding it having total disregard for the same conditions being asked to apply to themselves.
I have found in my own personal journey that sometimes being asked to look into myself, and put my defenses down is crucial.
We are all at different spots in our recovery, to formally dismiss someone that has been where I have been, and is trying to get at honesty is just foolish. To assume my recovery is eating away at someone, someone trying to help in a respectful manner, is again foolish.
I have been there, that place that I don't want to admit things, the truth, especially our own truth can hurt. I urge all of us to try to get honest with ourselves.
We all need to be careful not to get in our own way.
JMHO.
Redd
I was always told "guilt is a useless emotion" but my therapist told me, yes, it is something we should feel. If you do something wrong and you feel quilty about it, don't you think it will change you to make you a better person? I'm not talking about petty little things, but what might hurt others or yourself. I'm not trying to make anyone upset, just something I heard that I thought was really interesting.
donna, oh, real guilt, not unjustified guilt, absolutely serves a very valid purpose. i agree. without is, we are less than human. it's when we take on someone else's guilt or wallow in our own guilt because we cannot or will not "accept" forgivenss that we really get in trouble.
some people pooh-pooh guilt as a positive thing and blame others, the church, teachers, rabbis, bosses, wives, husbands, God, and others for their guilt. that's not fair. no one "makes us guilty, but our own consciences." no one can "make us guitly," unless we allow them to.
guilt is a very good thing.
accepting and acknowledging our guilt is a very,very good thing.
asking for forgiveness is a very good thing.
forgiveness is a very good thing.
accepting forgiveness is a very, very good thing. it's a decision that we make.
each of us has our way of asking for forgiveness and accepting it. many never decide how they are going to do it. agreeing on a way and being very conscious of it is very healthy. for me, i use sacramental confession and find it very beneficial, healing, and full of graces to avoid the action, activity, thoughts, etc. that creates guilt and there it's my way of receiving forgiveness. my guilt and shame evaporates. i know when i walk out of there after facing my shortcomings, verbalizing them, and expressing contrition for them, it is over. if i can make amends to someone else who has been hurt or suffered as a result of my actions, i do my best to make amends.
others have other ways of accepting forgiveness. the important thing is to accept -- then the guilt is gone.
self pity, on the other hand, is useless and should be trashed. it serves no useful purpose and only makes us sick. needs to be rooted out as best we can and given over to God to remove. just like Steps 6 and 7 of the 12 Steps say.
thanks for sharing. in my own mind, i would separate guilt from self pity, which to me are two different things.
peace to you.
donna, someone posted this on another board --
The two forms of guilt:
Genuine guilt--that is when we violate man's law or one's moral belief.
False guilt comes from misconceptions of feelings, emotions that are totally messed up or illogical, and causes a person to actually feel guilty without commiting any type of violation to God or man.
Well Bob you just saved me a long post...especially with the second one you put up on guilt.....
I was just going to write about that...the feeling of guilt that one may have when they did nothing or had no control of the situation at hand.....there is also the guilt that many hang on to after they have made ammends for thier past actions.....Another thing that should be trashed....right along with self pity.....
Love,
Tina
I was just going to write about that...the feeling of guilt that one may have when they did nothing or had no control of the situation at hand.....there is also the guilt that many hang on to after they have made ammends for thier past actions.....Another thing that should be trashed....right along with self pity.....
Love,
Tina
Spend only 5 minutes a day you set aside to attack me and use that to help a newbie...
Words to live by on this board, people. Myself included.
Lisalew... if you're still around, please check in and let us know how you are. There are so many of us here that relate to what you're feeling and could help you in so many ways. But you gotta stay in touch. Don't bag out on us.
Bob B... I love your words (even if some are other's words lol), you give something to think about every time I see you're posts. Sometimes it's exactly what I need to hear.
Peace to all
Cowgirl
Words to live by on this board, people. Myself included.
Lisalew... if you're still around, please check in and let us know how you are. There are so many of us here that relate to what you're feeling and could help you in so many ways. But you gotta stay in touch. Don't bag out on us.
Bob B... I love your words (even if some are other's words lol), you give something to think about every time I see you're posts. Sometimes it's exactly what I need to hear.
Peace to all
Cowgirl
hey lisa. thanks for the affirmation. we all need those.
yep, if someone says something better than i can say it, i'll pick it up pretty quickly.
so glad to hear of your anniversary. i can only imagine the work that went into it.
peace.
