I'll just start by saying I'm so relieved to find this board and to realize that I'm not the only one with the problems I have. I have smoked pot for 14 years (daily for most of that time). I have been able to be a 'functional stoner', which may be a curse instead of a blessing since my life doesn't fall apart to the point where I feel I must quit.
I feel my life is falling apart, professionally, relationship wise. I have an engineering degree but haven't used that for a long time. I'm been a chronic underachiever lately, don't feel motivated to do much of anything. I ended a relationship 6 months ago (we were together 4 years). While my partner didn't smoke nearly as much as me, she tolerated my smoking - I'm starting to realize she was an enabler (a beautiful person, and I don't think she realizes she was enabling me). Being with her did moderate my smoking a bit. Since the breakup I've had nothing to moderate and have been smoking pretty much constantly for 6 months (when I wake up in the middle of the night I roll a spliff).
Don't know what else to say today. Just meditated for a few minutes, my first intense cravings to smoke are gone for the moment. Going to take a long shower and take things one minute at a time. I don't know if I want to quit completely, but I know I want to cut my smoking way back (about a third of my present usage would still be more than enough).
I'll be back soon to read more. I'm just really happy I found this board so I can interact with others with similar experiences. Looking for words of encouragement. And thanks in advance, they are appreciated from the bottom of my heart.
Nathan
San Francisco
welcome to the board, you are right, the functioning part is the curse. pot seems to be pretty evil, cause most of us seem so "normal" and some of us function in executive roles, are parents, PTA members, etc.
Your post states "I am a pot addict" It seems you know this and are stating it. However, you are falling into the pattern of thinking that we all go through at some point in the game, and still do. That I can cut back, or maybe i dont really want to quit, etc.
For some reason you are looking at a board with other addicts, some reason you have concerns about your use. I tried to cut back for years, it never worked, but no one could have told me that it wouldn't i had to learn that on my own. I am clean from pot my DOC, for over 5 mo. on occasion i have a drink, i am learning from other post some do not believe that is considered clean. I really have no argument for that, I may end up at a bottom with drinking just as i did with pot.
I guess my point is, trying to CONTROL things on your own, usually doesnt work if you are an addict. You just have to stop or dont. good luck on your process, took me several years to figure out i was addicted, and numerouse health issues
Your post states "I am a pot addict" It seems you know this and are stating it. However, you are falling into the pattern of thinking that we all go through at some point in the game, and still do. That I can cut back, or maybe i dont really want to quit, etc.
For some reason you are looking at a board with other addicts, some reason you have concerns about your use. I tried to cut back for years, it never worked, but no one could have told me that it wouldn't i had to learn that on my own. I am clean from pot my DOC, for over 5 mo. on occasion i have a drink, i am learning from other post some do not believe that is considered clean. I really have no argument for that, I may end up at a bottom with drinking just as i did with pot.
I guess my point is, trying to CONTROL things on your own, usually doesnt work if you are an addict. You just have to stop or dont. good luck on your process, took me several years to figure out i was addicted, and numerouse health issues
Nathan, Welcome to the Board....so happy that you have decided to join.
I would like to suggest NA/AA meetings and literature...the power of one addict helping another is without parallel
My DOC was pot for 34 years, i decided to stop buying it and smoking because i found cocaine was more to my choosing...yeah, right...i became an IV cocaine addict...so if you don't believe that Pot is a gateway drug, you need to look at me...
I have 90 days clean Oct. 2nd and I owe it to the NA program...and my higher power, whom I choose to call God...
God is the power that I choose to surrender my will and my life daily to...
because of that surrender, I am given a daily choice to not use...
I would like to suggest NA/AA meetings and literature...the power of one addict helping another is without parallel
My DOC was pot for 34 years, i decided to stop buying it and smoking because i found cocaine was more to my choosing...yeah, right...i became an IV cocaine addict...so if you don't believe that Pot is a gateway drug, you need to look at me...
I have 90 days clean Oct. 2nd and I owe it to the NA program...and my higher power, whom I choose to call God...
God is the power that I choose to surrender my will and my life daily to...
because of that surrender, I am given a daily choice to not use...
Thanks for the responses so far. One question: what is DOC? I'm sure this is covered quite a bit in the board, I did a quick search and couldn't find the definition.
I do have a mental block against NA/AA/Marijuana anonymous. I'm an atheist and don't believe in a higher power to turn my life over to. I'd like to believe the power to quit is within myself and can be sustained from myself. I do believe that reaching out to other's will be of help to me.
I did a quick search of Marijuana Anonymous' site, and most of the 12 steps have to do with god. I realize this is not 'god' in a literal sense, but each individual's concept of a higher power. But it still bother's me enough that I would never seriously consider meeting with one of those organizations.
I did a quick search of Marijuana Anonymous' site, and most of the 12 steps have to do with god. I realize this is not 'god' in a literal sense, but each individual's concept of a higher power. But it still bother's me enough that I would never seriously consider meeting with one of those organizations.
Nathan, DOC is drug of choice...
I didn't have faith in God myself at one point in my life...in fact, if you jump onto the pain pills forum there is a person that posted Is There a God...
All I can say to you, is that without NA I would still be using...having other addicts share their experience, strength and hope has helped me immeasurably
I had a very hard time with God...or even using another concept of someone's higher power...
If you believe that it is within yourself to quit, then so be it...just do it...
I know that my self will lead me to pick up needles and cocaine and that if I was still living by my will...well, you know the drill
Good luck sweetie, and keep on posting
I didn't have faith in God myself at one point in my life...in fact, if you jump onto the pain pills forum there is a person that posted Is There a God...
All I can say to you, is that without NA I would still be using...having other addicts share their experience, strength and hope has helped me immeasurably
I had a very hard time with God...or even using another concept of someone's higher power...
If you believe that it is within yourself to quit, then so be it...just do it...
I know that my self will lead me to pick up needles and cocaine and that if I was still living by my will...well, you know the drill
Good luck sweetie, and keep on posting
nathan, dont get hung up on the god thing, and i even think there are groups specifically for atheists. on the MA board not only look at the 12 steps, i was referring to the 12 questions that help you decide if you are an addict or not. you said you meditate??? do you believe all your strength comes from you?, the earth? where? just wondering, your higher power could be a rubber tree plant if need be. right now your higher power is pot. (or at least it was for me)
Well, I did check out the 12 questions. Unfortunately, I answered yes to all 12. Not a good sign.
And as for the meditation, today was the first time I've done it in years. Things have just reached a point where I have to try something. A somatic emotional healer suggested the meditation (I work near him and he noticed I have been out of sorts lately).
As for my power, I say that it comes from within myself (for the most part). This would include all the survival instincts that have been instilled in the human species over the course of our evolution.
I feel okay, haven't smoked yet today...midnight last night was the last one. (about 19 hours ago). Don't know if I'll make it through the whole day. I am thinking more clearly, my emotions are making more sense. Haven't taken a whole day off in 10 months (went about 6 days without, the longest I've gone in the 14 years).
My parents are going to call soon, want to talk to them about it. My dad was addicted to pot for years, was an alcoholic. My sister is addicted to heroin and/or speed. Definitely runs in the family.
Be back soon.
And as for the meditation, today was the first time I've done it in years. Things have just reached a point where I have to try something. A somatic emotional healer suggested the meditation (I work near him and he noticed I have been out of sorts lately).
As for my power, I say that it comes from within myself (for the most part). This would include all the survival instincts that have been instilled in the human species over the course of our evolution.
I feel okay, haven't smoked yet today...midnight last night was the last one. (about 19 hours ago). Don't know if I'll make it through the whole day. I am thinking more clearly, my emotions are making more sense. Haven't taken a whole day off in 10 months (went about 6 days without, the longest I've gone in the 14 years).
My parents are going to call soon, want to talk to them about it. My dad was addicted to pot for years, was an alcoholic. My sister is addicted to heroin and/or speed. Definitely runs in the family.
Be back soon.
Hi Nathan, I was so happy when i found this message board too. I've been writing for a couple of weeks now, trying to quit. One thing I've realised is that you shouldn't feel bad if you have a weak point and have some pot. The fact that you have taken the steps to help you quit is fantastic. I haven't quit yet, if you go over my messages, i've quit, started,quit, started. It is such a long process and won't happen over night. Cold turkey I found was really bad for me and i spoke to a doctor who prescribed valium to help with the withdrawals. I'm not advocating another drug but withdrawals from pot do exist. If you find yourself feeling really down, talk to us. I am no expert and need just as much help as you to get through this. I also find that quitting is hard because i consider myself a functioning drug addict. I am a successful nurse, who is working and studying at the same time. I always have enough money and my friend and family life is good. But i'm sure i'd function 100% better without pot. Imagine how good life would be then! Anyway, keep in touch and we'll try to help each other.
Chrissie
Chrissie
Hey Nathan I just wanted to welcome you to the board! This could be a great place to get the support & direction we need to turn it all around. Good luck to you in your search for sobriety. Hang in there & keep us updated. I am only on my 1st day so I really don't feel like I should be offering advice.
Me
Me
ava-sometimes those closest are the ones best equipped to give advice
I've been having night sweats the last 2 nights. I've cut back to about 20% of what I was smoking the past 2 days. Are night sweats a common withdraw sympton? Never really had them before, sheets are soaking when I wake up.
i'm curious.
i'm curious.
welcome to withdrawal, nathan
Nathan Im not preaching to you and I dont want you to feel this way.... I know what you are going through I have been there only my DOC was any pain killers I could get my hands on... You need to relieze that to start living life the way that you want you need to quit and get help doing..... part of the addictive nature is to isolate and hide the problem.... we tend to rationalize, cut back, and or abstaine from use..... Well that only gets us so far.... If you truly want a good quality of life and to see clearly then admit it 100% , and start doing the foot work to truly HEAL.......... Addiction is a disease for which there is no cure, but from experience I can tell you that the best medicine I have ever found is NA, AA, and my higher power.......... Like my favorite quote says "The day I gave my life to the Lord is the day I took my life out of the hands of an idiot" Just know that abstaining from using only goes so far and cutting back doesnt work...... you said it yourself it runs in the family in the bloodline well then you know its an addiction problem altogether not just the DOC problem..... Get to the addiction problem before you quit one and find another..... I am speaking from my own experiences I have been clean and sober off everything alcohol, drugs , everything for three years in October so listen IT CAN HAPPEN JUST DONT DO IT ALONE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Love
Jacque Rauch321@hotmail.com if you need to talk Im here anytime
Love
Jacque Rauch321@hotmail.com if you need to talk Im here anytime
Nathan,
Hi. I'm not doing NA or AA either. Are you a reader? I'm reading a memoir called "A Million Little Pieces." I don't remember the author because my memory is shot. It's opened my eyes to addiction in ways I never thought possible. Do whatever works for you. Let the universe unfold as it should. The message board has been helpful as I am isolated, so getting stuff out there helps me. I hope you get what you need from this board. Toxins are trying to leave your body. Good job on cutting back. No rush. My best advice is don't be hard on yourself as the days go by. I can't remember if you wanted advice. Take care. Today is day 18 of sobriety for me. I still get achey legs and low appetite withdrawal symptoms.
Hi. I'm not doing NA or AA either. Are you a reader? I'm reading a memoir called "A Million Little Pieces." I don't remember the author because my memory is shot. It's opened my eyes to addiction in ways I never thought possible. Do whatever works for you. Let the universe unfold as it should. The message board has been helpful as I am isolated, so getting stuff out there helps me. I hope you get what you need from this board. Toxins are trying to leave your body. Good job on cutting back. No rush. My best advice is don't be hard on yourself as the days go by. I can't remember if you wanted advice. Take care. Today is day 18 of sobriety for me. I still get achey legs and low appetite withdrawal symptoms.
Why do the 12 steppers feel that their way is the only way? worse than Jesus freaks!
I guess caused it worked
To answer someone's question, I am looking for advice (and I really do appreciate what I've gotten so far).
I am a reader. Read the "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle yesterday. I've tried to get through it in the past and ended up losing interest. I guess things have gotten so bad for me recently that I was determined...so determined I read the whole thing in less than a day. Gave me many insights into my addiction (and to life in general, I'm happy to say). Still, applying what one reads is not nearly as easy as reading it (seems obvious, but stating that for myself).
I haven't smoked yet today (8pm west coast time). I've really got to try and keep myself busy. Books really help, I should continue my reading. Drank a few detox teas today, looked into Amino Acid supplements (I work at a health/natural food store). Oh, life's ironies....working at a health food store, don't feel that healthy. LOL
I really need to stay focused, stay in the present. There is really no easy way to do this, just need to keep pushing forward.
I am a reader. Read the "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle yesterday. I've tried to get through it in the past and ended up losing interest. I guess things have gotten so bad for me recently that I was determined...so determined I read the whole thing in less than a day. Gave me many insights into my addiction (and to life in general, I'm happy to say). Still, applying what one reads is not nearly as easy as reading it (seems obvious, but stating that for myself).
I haven't smoked yet today (8pm west coast time). I've really got to try and keep myself busy. Books really help, I should continue my reading. Drank a few detox teas today, looked into Amino Acid supplements (I work at a health/natural food store). Oh, life's ironies....working at a health food store, don't feel that healthy. LOL
I really need to stay focused, stay in the present. There is really no easy way to do this, just need to keep pushing forward.
Finally registered, I'm official!
And great job wonderwoman....day 18 is something to be proud of.....hope to make it there one of these days in the not too distant future myself.
And great job wonderwoman....day 18 is something to be proud of.....hope to make it there one of these days in the not too distant future myself.
A Million Little Pieces is by James Frey....thanks for the recommendation.
