Good luck Cowgirl, I've been through a few counselors in my life and Im starting with a new one next week, hopefully she'll be the one that can do it for me.
JohnDee
Teresa you ae so right and intellectually I know all of that. It's just plain old good common sense but emotionally I am so stuck that I can't get my head wrapped around what I know I need to do. It's going to take alot of long hard work. I'm not afraid of that work anymore now that I'm clean.... hmmm.
JohnD...good luck with the counselor. I kept looking until I found the one that could really help and not just tell me "it wasn't my fault and why do I hate my mother?" With the money I've paid in therapy, I could of bought 2 or 3 really nice horses and a truck to go with 'em.
Liz, darlin, it's nice to see you post too. How are you? I miss talking to you.
Sharon, where are you? Kat?
Love you all
Cowgirl
JohnD...good luck with the counselor. I kept looking until I found the one that could really help and not just tell me "it wasn't my fault and why do I hate my mother?" With the money I've paid in therapy, I could of bought 2 or 3 really nice horses and a truck to go with 'em.
Liz, darlin, it's nice to see you post too. How are you? I miss talking to you.
Sharon, where are you? Kat?
Love you all
Cowgirl
liz,
hi.... i was just telling gina the other day i missed you ... and asked how you were.. thanks for your words... really.... hope you are doing well....
As you can see I am better.. lol....
How are you?
Teresa
hi.... i was just telling gina the other day i missed you ... and asked how you were.. thanks for your words... really.... hope you are doing well....
As you can see I am better.. lol....
How are you?
Teresa
Hey Cowgirl, how are you? What an intense thread. Reading through it made me remember something that happened on my one and only visit with a counselor around twenty years ago, (long before I ever touched narcotics). The counselor had me take several tests. I remember one of them you had to put a number next to a word describing the intensity of your feelings. Anyway, when I was finished, he looked over my tests, frowned at me and said "What the hell happened to you?" He told me in all his years of giving those tests no one had ever scored that way. He was convinced that something catostrophic had happened to me as a child and I was either in denial about it or had blocked the memory completly. I thought he was a nut. Now I wonder...... Oh well, come say hi Cg, and where are you today teresa? Love, Kat
Cowgirl...
" How do I change those thought process's and behaviors?"
You already are.Be kind to yourself and deal with the feelings as they come.you will make it thru and be much stronger.
love,
ladybug
" How do I change those thought process's and behaviors?"
You already are.Be kind to yourself and deal with the feelings as they come.you will make it thru and be much stronger.
love,
ladybug
Buggy...I thought that I wasn't afraid of the hard work now that I'm clean but I don't know..sometimes I think that it's so damn scary that it's better left alone. I know that's not right though, I need to get it out and deal with it.
I guess we never stop looking for that easier way out.
Thanks for caring.
Kat, have you thought about therapy again? Once we're clean, that's only have the battle.
I love you girlie
Cowgirl
I guess we never stop looking for that easier way out.
Thanks for caring.
Kat, have you thought about therapy again? Once we're clean, that's only have the battle.
I love you girlie
Cowgirl
Hi Teresa and Cowgirl,
I'm doing ok, Just got a little irrated listening to somebody call somebody in a recovery forum a junkie. Like aren't we all? LOL. Anyway, I'm in counseling too Cowgirl, Just started. The counselor has gotten so much out of me in this first 2 sessions then any other I've seen. It's so uncomfortable though. But just like you I want to try and stick it out this time and not run when I start to feel some emotions, ya know? I want to get to the bottom of everything so I can move on. Nice hearing from you both. Really missed you guys.
Love,
Liz
I'm doing ok, Just got a little irrated listening to somebody call somebody in a recovery forum a junkie. Like aren't we all? LOL. Anyway, I'm in counseling too Cowgirl, Just started. The counselor has gotten so much out of me in this first 2 sessions then any other I've seen. It's so uncomfortable though. But just like you I want to try and stick it out this time and not run when I start to feel some emotions, ya know? I want to get to the bottom of everything so I can move on. Nice hearing from you both. Really missed you guys.
Love,
Liz
Hey Cowgirl, yes I have thought about it. I'm not sure I want to know anymore than what I already do, lol. What made you guys decide counselling was a good thing for you? love, Kat
Therapy,
for the most part bites!When you start bringing stuff up you feel like a mac truck has run over you.you feel so drained and tired all the time.The good thing is that when you bring out things you have surpressed for so long you can finally release them.they no longer have that unhealthy hold on you.We don't realize it but that icky stuff....we stuff it and it does so much harm until unstuffed lol.hope that makes sense.As for me.I am probably a lifer when it comes to therapy.sometimes it is so refreshing and othertimes it exhausting.
I do know that i am a better person because of it.
Kat,
I think it would be a good idea for you to go.it can't hurt right?
love,
ladybug
for the most part bites!When you start bringing stuff up you feel like a mac truck has run over you.you feel so drained and tired all the time.The good thing is that when you bring out things you have surpressed for so long you can finally release them.they no longer have that unhealthy hold on you.We don't realize it but that icky stuff....we stuff it and it does so much harm until unstuffed lol.hope that makes sense.As for me.I am probably a lifer when it comes to therapy.sometimes it is so refreshing and othertimes it exhausting.
I do know that i am a better person because of it.
Kat,
I think it would be a good idea for you to go.it can't hurt right?
love,
ladybug
Thanks Ladybug, you're probably right. Anything to stay clean, right? Love, Kat
Me a junkie? No way. LMAO. That thread got deleted before I could respond, probably better that way. Your remark about the headcase was so funny though, I think I peed a little. That's one thing we can't lose through all of this is our sense of humors.
Kat, I decided on therapy (yes it sucks) because I got tired of the merry go round. Nothing I was doing was working..same s***, different day. It was time to get to the bottom of it.
Love you all
Kat, I decided on therapy (yes it sucks) because I got tired of the merry go round. Nothing I was doing was working..same s***, different day. It was time to get to the bottom of it.
Love you all
yeah kat,
it is important for staying clean but it is about peace of mind too.
i guess i am just a big supporter of therapy.I have a 13 year old that went thru 4 years of therapy and it's a long story but it saved his life.without it ....well i don't even want to go there.Trust me it was bad.I can't even imagine the types of problems he would of grown into if not for the therapy.Now that he is ok,I am dealing with what it put me thru.like i said i am a 'lifer'lol
love,
ladybug
it is important for staying clean but it is about peace of mind too.
i guess i am just a big supporter of therapy.I have a 13 year old that went thru 4 years of therapy and it's a long story but it saved his life.without it ....well i don't even want to go there.Trust me it was bad.I can't even imagine the types of problems he would of grown into if not for the therapy.Now that he is ok,I am dealing with what it put me thru.like i said i am a 'lifer'lol
love,
ladybug
And that's what it all comes down too..peace of mind.
What the hell is THAT??????????????????
lol
What the hell is THAT??????????????????
lol
roflmao,
I will let you know...uh...someday?
like i said i am truly a lifer!
i have made my therapist rich$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
love ya
buggy
I will let you know...uh...someday?
like i said i am truly a lifer!
i have made my therapist rich$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
love ya
buggy
Hey Cowgirl - Glad you seem to have found the right counselor!! Keep pluggin' and the answers will keep comin'
Doing my best, Eddie. How about you? How are things these days?
Cowgirl
Cowgirl
Cowgirl,
Thanks for the post. You've got me seriously considering getting some counseling myself. Although I originally started using for medical reasons, I eventually used the pills to escape my reality. I was 7 months pregant and went into premature labor. My boyfriend; who lived in a different state, decided to break up with me during this time. That's when it all started. Then having a baby that was 2 months premature, having to leave him in the hospital for 6 weeks . . . It was hell. 7 months later, my baby underwent heart surgery - yet another hell to go through. The fact that his father chose to abondon me at that point was unbareable to me.
Then came the fights and mental and emotional abuse. It has stormed into an awful nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from. Sorry for getting so personal, but I said all of that to say: I guess we all have our story. Maybe if I go talk to someone it can help me too. What do you guys think???
-nugirl
Thanks for the post. You've got me seriously considering getting some counseling myself. Although I originally started using for medical reasons, I eventually used the pills to escape my reality. I was 7 months pregant and went into premature labor. My boyfriend; who lived in a different state, decided to break up with me during this time. That's when it all started. Then having a baby that was 2 months premature, having to leave him in the hospital for 6 weeks . . . It was hell. 7 months later, my baby underwent heart surgery - yet another hell to go through. The fact that his father chose to abondon me at that point was unbareable to me.
Then came the fights and mental and emotional abuse. It has stormed into an awful nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from. Sorry for getting so personal, but I said all of that to say: I guess we all have our story. Maybe if I go talk to someone it can help me too. What do you guys think???
-nugirl
Hi Cowgirl - I have good days and bad days like everyone else...I just appreciate the good days so much more and push through the bad days. I try and keep a positive outlook on life.
Good luck with counseling! I truly hope you find the answers you are looking for. Take care of yourself.
Good luck with counseling! I truly hope you find the answers you are looking for. Take care of yourself.
NuGirl...absolutly I think counseling would help you. You have a lot of crap to work through and doing it alone is futile because we never want to go to that deep dark place in our soul by ourselves. It's much too painful.
I think that using pills to replace reality is a common story here, I know it was for me. But, you know what? I kinda like my reality now....
Eddie boy, I like what you said about pushing through the bad days...it's really like that isn't it? Somedays I have to push a little harder than others.
Cowgirl
I think that using pills to replace reality is a common story here, I know it was for me. But, you know what? I kinda like my reality now....
Eddie boy, I like what you said about pushing through the bad days...it's really like that isn't it? Somedays I have to push a little harder than others.
Cowgirl
Now at 40 yrs old , I have my own buisness make good money nice house so on and so forth and I give myself no credit whatsoever on what Ive accomplished or the thousands of people Ive helped because My sick mind says its no big deal I should have been able to do it any way. But if one thing goes wrong the smallest I beat the crap out of my self, still am fearful of what "Might come up" that I wouldnt be able to handle etc. I know from where my emotional problems come from as Ive seen counselors over the years and I know for certain that Ive self medicated to relieve that feeling of being scared and feeling worthless. the hard part is letting go of that sack of bricks. Patterns as all addicts know are hard to break especially what we think about ourselves.
you just wrote my story...besides the age..and I don't own a home, just a condo. but I did it myself as a single mom..I still beat myself up because it isn't a house...
I think that I have the hardest time with not beating myself up.
I was never abused sexually as a child, but I know that my parents did some serious abandonment s*** on me..
I know now that meetings are great, but there is some serious conseling needed..I don't really live in the right place for that, though..
Sorry to hear that mom, that must have been so hard.
One of the reasons that I got sober was because I was snapping at my babies too much. I have seen major changes in them even in six months.
You have just given me more reasons to move home; I need help raising my girls..they need a better chance than a single mom can give them. At least with family around, I can have support..
The only thing that I really care about now is their health..mental health that is..
Thanks for letting me share.
Kerry
you just wrote my story...besides the age..and I don't own a home, just a condo. but I did it myself as a single mom..I still beat myself up because it isn't a house...
I think that I have the hardest time with not beating myself up.
I was never abused sexually as a child, but I know that my parents did some serious abandonment s*** on me..
I know now that meetings are great, but there is some serious conseling needed..I don't really live in the right place for that, though..
Sorry to hear that mom, that must have been so hard.
One of the reasons that I got sober was because I was snapping at my babies too much. I have seen major changes in them even in six months.
You have just given me more reasons to move home; I need help raising my girls..they need a better chance than a single mom can give them. At least with family around, I can have support..
The only thing that I really care about now is their health..mental health that is..
Thanks for letting me share.
Kerry
