The other threads were getting a little lengthy, so thought I'd start a new one. BTW, just checking out other areas of this site, I came across hi it's Jenniferlee on friends and relatives of addicts.
Oh, my god! What a depressing horrrible story. I feel so bad for her and really couldn't think of anything to say, other than just send her good vibes.
Too bad stories like that are legion.
I guess I'm on day 10 clean now (I should have marked the calendar) Thinking of going outside today. May continue on my novel today. Just wrote a new beginning (the last six months) then it jumps back to Thailand during the Vietnam war, then it jumps back to my f---ed up childhood and takes off in a direct timeline from there. It's about half done. Those that I've let read it say they can't put it down. (only about eight poeple, since it's really an autobiography more than a novel) and some very strange personal stuff in it.
I find the easier parts to write are the few great loves I've been lucky enough to have. (my ex wife not being one of them) I'm currently loveless. I'm determined to find that one great last love to grow old with! I know she's out there! P.S. One way I know i'm getting better is I had a wet dream this morning just before waking! Too cool! only the third one I've ever had in my life! Don't mean to be crude, just truthful.
I'm rambling again, so I'll close for now.
Love and strength to you all!
I'm gonna go eat a plum
Mark
Hi there
Ive just been reading ur threads (sorry I not been on for a few wks). Ur doing so well......just stick with it it does get easier, its just gona take sum time.
I am 7months clean in 10days after approx 18yrs of H addiction, like u I just cold turkied it. I have dun it b4 but never managed to stay clean for very long, as I would get lonely (as the only people I knew were other using addicts) and wld inevitably end up back in touch, all the time teln myself I wasnt goin to use again but it was only a matter of time........However this time I had had enuf so I hunkered down the wk b4 Xmas and put myself thru the s*** of withdrawal again.
I totally relate to what ur sayin regardin ur age etc as well as I am 41 & often feel like life has passed me by, not havin dun any of the "normal" things that people do, like holidays, spendin time wi friends & family etc etc However today I have all this & so much more in my life. I see my family all the time, I am a productive member of society (tho I did work all thru my addiction), People trust me, I have friends who care & I care about them. I suppose my biggest regret is that I never had family of my own but I have the 2 most gorgeous nephews who love me to bits & me them. Life is good today, yeah I stil have ups & downs but i dont turn to drugs to get me thru those ups & downs.
As I said at the beginning of my post things will get easier with u, it just takes a bit o time for your sleep pattern to return and for you to start feelin like u have energy and want to be around people. Ru keepin busy durin the day? I know it can be hard but even goin out for a walk for a wee bit can help. Ur lucky to have Greg, he sounds like a fantastic friend and ur sister for being so supportive as well.
Just keep up with what ur doing, u can have ur life back if thats what u really want & it sounds to me like u do.
All the best xxx
Ive just been reading ur threads (sorry I not been on for a few wks). Ur doing so well......just stick with it it does get easier, its just gona take sum time.
I am 7months clean in 10days after approx 18yrs of H addiction, like u I just cold turkied it. I have dun it b4 but never managed to stay clean for very long, as I would get lonely (as the only people I knew were other using addicts) and wld inevitably end up back in touch, all the time teln myself I wasnt goin to use again but it was only a matter of time........However this time I had had enuf so I hunkered down the wk b4 Xmas and put myself thru the s*** of withdrawal again.
I totally relate to what ur sayin regardin ur age etc as well as I am 41 & often feel like life has passed me by, not havin dun any of the "normal" things that people do, like holidays, spendin time wi friends & family etc etc However today I have all this & so much more in my life. I see my family all the time, I am a productive member of society (tho I did work all thru my addiction), People trust me, I have friends who care & I care about them. I suppose my biggest regret is that I never had family of my own but I have the 2 most gorgeous nephews who love me to bits & me them. Life is good today, yeah I stil have ups & downs but i dont turn to drugs to get me thru those ups & downs.
As I said at the beginning of my post things will get easier with u, it just takes a bit o time for your sleep pattern to return and for you to start feelin like u have energy and want to be around people. Ru keepin busy durin the day? I know it can be hard but even goin out for a walk for a wee bit can help. Ur lucky to have Greg, he sounds like a fantastic friend and ur sister for being so supportive as well.
Just keep up with what ur doing, u can have ur life back if thats what u really want & it sounds to me like u do.
All the best xxx
PS I forgot to add - yeah a great love to spend our twilight years with, I would like that 2 but if its meant to be it will happen!!!!!!! Fingers crossed ha ha xx
Finally went outside. Went with Greg to a bar and played three games of pool. I had a diet coke. All I could do, but I still beat him two out of three games. Go figure? My hands were shaking the whole time and I couldn't sit down. Now home and seem to be crashing... Day 12 now and this seeems to be a hard one. I've got thousands of dollars in cash lying around and all I need to do is call a number and an Illegal Alien will deliver heroin to my front door in 15 minutes. They even keep hours. 8 am to 8 pm. It's a real business here in Phoenix. I've been reading that the Mexican Black Tar Heroin that they sell here now is way stronger than the old days. 70% pure I'm told. I guess that's why my $120 a day habit kicked my a** so bad when I quit!
But of course, I'm not going to make that call!
It would be suicide. And I'm not into that.
Guess I'll go do some sit-ups and eat a nectarine.
Lord, give me strength.
Mark
But of course, I'm not going to make that call!
It would be suicide. And I'm not into that.
Guess I'll go do some sit-ups and eat a nectarine.
Lord, give me strength.
Mark
Momentarily the eastern european couple that bought my business insist on coming by to discuss business matters!!! (Now that I'm back from "vacation").
Wish to hell I'd told them I was taking a longer vacation! This could be bad... I'm in no shape to see anyone, much less them! Well, no choice, so here we go.....
Wish to hell I'd told them I was taking a longer vacation! This could be bad... I'm in no shape to see anyone, much less them! Well, no choice, so here we go.....
omg. I thought they'd never leave! One question after the next! They said I look fine.Ha! Appearances can be deceiving! I'm anything but! I was crashing and sucked it up and did it! It took strength. I'm proud of myself! I know it doesn't sound like much, but it was quite the feat today!
I think I'll treat myself to some KD Lang turned up to 10.
Mark
I think I'll treat myself to some KD Lang turned up to 10.
Mark
I;m stopping the sleeping pills tonight. I have a feeling they're hindering my progress. If I don't sleep, I don't sleep. I know they are strong and even though I'm cutting them in half, I don't trust them! I don't trust any drugs anymore. Mark
Just a note;
This board, all of you... Are helping me alot!
My heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you!
Love, Mark
tears...
This board, all of you... Are helping me alot!
My heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you!
Love, Mark
tears...
What are you going to do differently to stay clean this time?
Ever been to NA?
Also be careful going into bars. Some of us can't be around all those partiers. I know I can only take small doseages of that atmoshere. I get very fidgety. I haven't had a drink in over 22 years and still get that way. I also sweat when I go into a pharmacy to pick up a prescription.
Ever been to NA?
Also be careful going into bars. Some of us can't be around all those partiers. I know I can only take small doseages of that atmoshere. I get very fidgety. I haven't had a drink in over 22 years and still get that way. I also sweat when I go into a pharmacy to pick up a prescription.
To stay clean, I will:
1) Just wrote copy for flyers I have to mail to thousands to generate new business.
2) Stay busy with building my business including hiring a girl to do cold calls.
3) Hang with my friends and extended family all of whom are sober and supportive.
4) Continue with my hobby of building fine furniture.
5) Know in my heart that I can never take any narcotics or I'm dead.
6) Take Greg on a week long trip through the Rocky Mountains as thanks for saving my bacon. He's a mountain man at heart.
7) Finish my novel. It's been a very cathartic experience.
I may visit a NA meeting, but I have come to have my own spiritual feeling as I've grown older and I don't think they comport with the 12 step program. But I'll give it a try. I really don't care to listen to a lot of ex-junkies tell war stories. Since I deleted that call-girls number, I don't know a single junkie or drug addict. And I know a lot of people.
I stubbed my toe, and it will never happen again! I KNOW THAT IN THE DEEPEST RECESSES OF MY SOUL. And that's enough for me for now.
I may come back here for support once in a while though, if you'll have me.
You people are fantastic! I wish I could hug each of you!
Mark
1) Just wrote copy for flyers I have to mail to thousands to generate new business.
2) Stay busy with building my business including hiring a girl to do cold calls.
3) Hang with my friends and extended family all of whom are sober and supportive.
4) Continue with my hobby of building fine furniture.
5) Know in my heart that I can never take any narcotics or I'm dead.
6) Take Greg on a week long trip through the Rocky Mountains as thanks for saving my bacon. He's a mountain man at heart.
7) Finish my novel. It's been a very cathartic experience.
I may visit a NA meeting, but I have come to have my own spiritual feeling as I've grown older and I don't think they comport with the 12 step program. But I'll give it a try. I really don't care to listen to a lot of ex-junkies tell war stories. Since I deleted that call-girls number, I don't know a single junkie or drug addict. And I know a lot of people.
I stubbed my toe, and it will never happen again! I KNOW THAT IN THE DEEPEST RECESSES OF MY SOUL. And that's enough for me for now.
I may come back here for support once in a while though, if you'll have me.
You people are fantastic! I wish I could hug each of you!
Mark
Btw, I don't have a problem with alcohol. I have no problem going out with friends and having a drink or two and switching to diet Coke. I'm often the designated driver. I do find that I dance better after a drink or two, though! lol
I've gone years without a drink for no particular reason. But lately, I find it a nice social lubricant, as it were. No, my brain is wired for narcotics! Miswired I should say. I'm an intelligent, funny, nice looking man. I'll always just be a recovering narcotics addict. I can deal with that. M.
I've gone years without a drink for no particular reason. But lately, I find it a nice social lubricant, as it were. No, my brain is wired for narcotics! Miswired I should say. I'm an intelligent, funny, nice looking man. I'll always just be a recovering narcotics addict. I can deal with that. M.
after dark here. Just walked around the block. It was surreal! All the lights were sooo bright! Almost phychedelic! I'm definitely not right! But I made it!
Mark
Mark
Hi Mark
Wow what a day u had ystrdy. I recall that sort o situations so well. I bet when the people that turned re business u really didnt feel like seein them, even less talkin to them!! Funny how we build these things up in our heads but........u got thru it & it prob helped u to stop thinkin about how ur feelin for a short time anyway!!!
It sounds to me like ur doing plenty of the right things, ur getn out & about, ur surrounding urself with clean people, people who love u & care for you & are being supportive. Ur even getn urself out & about - just keep on doing all that. Yeah there will prob be more highs & lows to come (just tryn to be realistic here), but it sounds like me that u wil get thru them.
As Alice suggested have u thought about NA meetings, I did them for a while in the beginning & it did help (gave me sumat to focus on), though it wasnt really for me and I no longer attend. Though Im not knockin it as it really helps a lot of people, could be worth a try?? Ultimately the decision is urs.
Im enjoyin getn up in the morning & reading ur posts (its 9.21am here wed morn in Scotland) and a bit chilly today. Summer doesnt really exist here, hee hee although it was rather warm this past wk. Which doesnt happen very often, so many people are resembling lobsters at the minute as everyone tends to overdo it when the sun comes out & for sum reason dont seem to think they need sunscreen (thats the pharmacy asst in me comin out!!!).
I hope uve had a good day, not sure what the time diff is between us, im useless at these things, I think ur possibly behind me, in time, not literally!!!!
Oh my sense of humour - crap know!!!
Anyhow beta go got stuff to do b4 headin into work, keep up the good work, stay positive & focused and thank god for Jeff - he is a friend in a million ur a very lucky man.
Hugs xxx
Haylz
Wow what a day u had ystrdy. I recall that sort o situations so well. I bet when the people that turned re business u really didnt feel like seein them, even less talkin to them!! Funny how we build these things up in our heads but........u got thru it & it prob helped u to stop thinkin about how ur feelin for a short time anyway!!!
It sounds to me like ur doing plenty of the right things, ur getn out & about, ur surrounding urself with clean people, people who love u & care for you & are being supportive. Ur even getn urself out & about - just keep on doing all that. Yeah there will prob be more highs & lows to come (just tryn to be realistic here), but it sounds like me that u wil get thru them.
As Alice suggested have u thought about NA meetings, I did them for a while in the beginning & it did help (gave me sumat to focus on), though it wasnt really for me and I no longer attend. Though Im not knockin it as it really helps a lot of people, could be worth a try?? Ultimately the decision is urs.
Im enjoyin getn up in the morning & reading ur posts (its 9.21am here wed morn in Scotland) and a bit chilly today. Summer doesnt really exist here, hee hee although it was rather warm this past wk. Which doesnt happen very often, so many people are resembling lobsters at the minute as everyone tends to overdo it when the sun comes out & for sum reason dont seem to think they need sunscreen (thats the pharmacy asst in me comin out!!!).
I hope uve had a good day, not sure what the time diff is between us, im useless at these things, I think ur possibly behind me, in time, not literally!!!!
Oh my sense of humour - crap know!!!
Anyhow beta go got stuff to do b4 headin into work, keep up the good work, stay positive & focused and thank god for Jeff - he is a friend in a million ur a very lucky man.
Hugs xxx
Haylz
Haylz,
Thanks for that. Day 13. I am a prolific writer, so i kind of feel like I'm taking over this board. I know there's so many other people out there that need help, so I hope I'm not crowding anyone out! I've never done this kind of thing before but I'm finding it therapeutic to communicate with others that understand what I'm going through.
Btw, to the one who asked me what am I going to do different to stay clean, I know I rattled off a list of things. But that was a very profound question that I pondered while trying to sleep last night for hours. The truth is, I am going to have to change at my very core. I've been hooked on Heroin three times. Twice in my twenties and then this time at 55. But between the H, i've gottn hooked on percocettes (oxycodone) probably average once a year my whole life.
There were several years that would go by clean, and then I'd get hooked and kick two or three times a year for a while. I think when I was in Thailand shooting that pure stuff it mess up my brain receptors. It was so pure, it was still white granules, not powder. just add water and instantly dissolve. no cooking or cotton needed. Just draw it into the glass syringes the stores sold.
I was doing MASSIVE QUANTITIES
Thanks for that. Day 13. I am a prolific writer, so i kind of feel like I'm taking over this board. I know there's so many other people out there that need help, so I hope I'm not crowding anyone out! I've never done this kind of thing before but I'm finding it therapeutic to communicate with others that understand what I'm going through.
Btw, to the one who asked me what am I going to do different to stay clean, I know I rattled off a list of things. But that was a very profound question that I pondered while trying to sleep last night for hours. The truth is, I am going to have to change at my very core. I've been hooked on Heroin three times. Twice in my twenties and then this time at 55. But between the H, i've gottn hooked on percocettes (oxycodone) probably average once a year my whole life.
There were several years that would go by clean, and then I'd get hooked and kick two or three times a year for a while. I think when I was in Thailand shooting that pure stuff it mess up my brain receptors. It was so pure, it was still white granules, not powder. just add water and instantly dissolve. no cooking or cotton needed. Just draw it into the glass syringes the stores sold.
I was doing MASSIVE QUANTITIES
OOPS, hit post by mistake, wasn't done.
So, I'd sit in my little hootch in Thailand and shoot what would sell on the streets here for $500 these days no doubt. I'd get this medicinal smell in my nose and lean forward and more than once the glass syringe would slip from my hand and stick in the top of my sandaled foot. I'd just look at it and think "that looks like it would hurt". I'd open my eyes hours later (luckily) and still be looking at a big glass syringe with a three inch needle buried into my foot! I'd get my mind and muscles to respond and pull it out. That happened way to many times. But that was on my third tour to S.E. Asia, by which time I was a heroin machine! It's all in the book.
Anyway, I think that's when my receptors got wired to "want" narcotics.
I will tell you, I can take one large shot of H and will go through withdrawals for several days! I don't care what the "experts" say. I get physically addicted to narcotics at the drop of a hat!
If a dentist does some work and hands me five pain pills, that's it, I'm hooked!
So, things will definitely have to change from here on out.
Sincerely, Mark
So, I'd sit in my little hootch in Thailand and shoot what would sell on the streets here for $500 these days no doubt. I'd get this medicinal smell in my nose and lean forward and more than once the glass syringe would slip from my hand and stick in the top of my sandaled foot. I'd just look at it and think "that looks like it would hurt". I'd open my eyes hours later (luckily) and still be looking at a big glass syringe with a three inch needle buried into my foot! I'd get my mind and muscles to respond and pull it out. That happened way to many times. But that was on my third tour to S.E. Asia, by which time I was a heroin machine! It's all in the book.
Anyway, I think that's when my receptors got wired to "want" narcotics.
I will tell you, I can take one large shot of H and will go through withdrawals for several days! I don't care what the "experts" say. I get physically addicted to narcotics at the drop of a hat!
If a dentist does some work and hands me five pain pills, that's it, I'm hooked!
So, things will definitely have to change from here on out.
Sincerely, Mark
Ok, BIG PROBLEM!!!!
It's noon and Greg informs me there's been a cop car blocking my driveway all morning! I scrubbed down the bathroom and am even washing the bathroom rugs. I scrubbed the walls and sink and everything I could think of. I even remembered I've had a tiny amount of Marijuana in a little box for years just cause someone gave it to me years ago. I haven't smoked pot in thirty years or more!
I bet they busted my supplier and got my number off his cell phone or some such thing! I really dont want to open the door to a group of police with drug sniffing dogs!!!! And probably a search warrant....
I've scrubbed all I can. It's in gods hands now.
Mark
P.S. I took out all the trash, but the truck just did his weekly pickup about an hour ago, so the only trash in the big dumpsters is mine! Paraphernalia? Who knows?
It's noon and Greg informs me there's been a cop car blocking my driveway all morning! I scrubbed down the bathroom and am even washing the bathroom rugs. I scrubbed the walls and sink and everything I could think of. I even remembered I've had a tiny amount of Marijuana in a little box for years just cause someone gave it to me years ago. I haven't smoked pot in thirty years or more!
I bet they busted my supplier and got my number off his cell phone or some such thing! I really dont want to open the door to a group of police with drug sniffing dogs!!!! And probably a search warrant....
I've scrubbed all I can. It's in gods hands now.
Mark
P.S. I took out all the trash, but the truck just did his weekly pickup about an hour ago, so the only trash in the big dumpsters is mine! Paraphernalia? Who knows?
While I sit here waiting for the knock on the door, might as well add just a bit to my Thailand story. A few days after returning from my third and final tour to thailand, The sweet girl I had been living with (and tried to help me kick before I left the country) sent me a letter with $10 worth of Heroin in it as I had asked her to do.
I never in a million years thought she would take that $10 I left her and spend it on me, whom she knew would never return! I was one of the last servicemen out of the country and all the American bases were closing. WE might have discussed me coming back to Thailand after I got out of the service, but surely she didn't believe THAT was going to happen! I figured she'd just keep the damn $10 and swore to myself that I didn't have more to give my sweeet angel!
She'd literally shielded me from an attacker with a Machete only days before!
And she'd been a fabulous lover!
In any case, what I smuggled back with me was just about gone and it had only been a few days when her poorly packaged letter with Heroin spilling out was discovered at the San Francisco entry point.
When I walked in my house that day after work and was confronted with about 20 law enforcement officers from every law enforcement agency in the country.
(Postal Agents, FBI, DEA, CIA, and of course all the state and local constabulary). I had no idea what was up till one of the cops walked up witha dinner plate with about a tablespoon of white powder in the center and asked me "have you ever seen this before". Dumb a**, he knew damn well I'd never seen it! But I instantly knew Tran had done me that one last favor. God bless you, Tran. Wherever you are.
It was anylized and found to be the purest heroin ever found in the United States! Damn right it was pure! Direct from the fields of Burma, by way of my little lover who lived in a little hut in the Jungle outside Satahip, Thailand.
That night in Jail with 50 other criminals in a big cell was about as bad as it can get I think and still live... I was crashing down from what would have been a $1000 dollar a day habit in the U.S. I'm not going to rewrite the whole book here. Just a taste.
Still no cops... maybe he was just doing paperwork and happened to be parked in front of my house.
If so, thank you, Lord. Amen
Mark
I never in a million years thought she would take that $10 I left her and spend it on me, whom she knew would never return! I was one of the last servicemen out of the country and all the American bases were closing. WE might have discussed me coming back to Thailand after I got out of the service, but surely she didn't believe THAT was going to happen! I figured she'd just keep the damn $10 and swore to myself that I didn't have more to give my sweeet angel!
She'd literally shielded me from an attacker with a Machete only days before!
And she'd been a fabulous lover!
In any case, what I smuggled back with me was just about gone and it had only been a few days when her poorly packaged letter with Heroin spilling out was discovered at the San Francisco entry point.
When I walked in my house that day after work and was confronted with about 20 law enforcement officers from every law enforcement agency in the country.
(Postal Agents, FBI, DEA, CIA, and of course all the state and local constabulary). I had no idea what was up till one of the cops walked up witha dinner plate with about a tablespoon of white powder in the center and asked me "have you ever seen this before". Dumb a**, he knew damn well I'd never seen it! But I instantly knew Tran had done me that one last favor. God bless you, Tran. Wherever you are.
It was anylized and found to be the purest heroin ever found in the United States! Damn right it was pure! Direct from the fields of Burma, by way of my little lover who lived in a little hut in the Jungle outside Satahip, Thailand.
That night in Jail with 50 other criminals in a big cell was about as bad as it can get I think and still live... I was crashing down from what would have been a $1000 dollar a day habit in the U.S. I'm not going to rewrite the whole book here. Just a taste.
Still no cops... maybe he was just doing paperwork and happened to be parked in front of my house.
If so, thank you, Lord. Amen
Mark
one more thing. (Like I'll only write this one thing) lol
I'm also a gambling addict. I've spent (lost) close to $300,000 in the past two and a half years.But I brought that s*** to a screeching halt. That was nothing compared to these drugs!
I love women too, and I'm told there's such a thing as an addiction in that regard.
But I don't view it that way. I'm a one woman man, so I don't see it as an addiction. I may be a sexaholic, but I've never heard any complaints! I just adore the female body, that's all, and view it as my playground. So that part of me is gonna stay the way it is.
And I smoke. I guess I'm just an addictive son of a b....
I'm also a gambling addict. I've spent (lost) close to $300,000 in the past two and a half years.But I brought that s*** to a screeching halt. That was nothing compared to these drugs!
I love women too, and I'm told there's such a thing as an addiction in that regard.
But I don't view it that way. I'm a one woman man, so I don't see it as an addiction. I may be a sexaholic, but I've never heard any complaints! I just adore the female body, that's all, and view it as my playground. So that part of me is gonna stay the way it is.
And I smoke. I guess I'm just an addictive son of a b....
Hi Mark
I had to laf at ur final post........I think ur finally beginning to realise that yes, you do have an addictive personality!! From personal experience and from what I have gleaned from others like us, that is what we tend to do. We either swap one drug for another, or once we put down the drugs we then notice we exchange this for other "things" like sex, shopping, fitness, cleaning, music......whatever Its as if we have to become totally obsessed about sumthing, in fact anything!!
I suppose in sum ways we could use this aspect of our personality to good use, but in a positive way. Not sure if that makes any sense!!
I think u were prob bein paranoid about the police and no doubt u never received the knock on the door, ah the things we think...lol
Ur sounding more positive again today and it seems like ur finding it cathartic to get ur stuff out on this board. I certainly found in early recovery and even now that if I just come on here and post what Im feelin that day, be it positive or negative, it helps. Even if I dont get feedback it enables me to get out what is goin around and around and around in my head. Have u ever considered sum form of counselling, it may help. U dont want to find urself back on the H or even on the Oxy's (though I dont think we get them here in UK - or more likely they are called sumthing else).
Anyhow hope ur day has been good and ul be 2wks clean shortly - just focus on each day as it comes and try not to think to far ahead for the moment.
Keep On Keepin On
Hugs
Haylz
I had to laf at ur final post........I think ur finally beginning to realise that yes, you do have an addictive personality!! From personal experience and from what I have gleaned from others like us, that is what we tend to do. We either swap one drug for another, or once we put down the drugs we then notice we exchange this for other "things" like sex, shopping, fitness, cleaning, music......whatever Its as if we have to become totally obsessed about sumthing, in fact anything!!
I suppose in sum ways we could use this aspect of our personality to good use, but in a positive way. Not sure if that makes any sense!!
I think u were prob bein paranoid about the police and no doubt u never received the knock on the door, ah the things we think...lol
Ur sounding more positive again today and it seems like ur finding it cathartic to get ur stuff out on this board. I certainly found in early recovery and even now that if I just come on here and post what Im feelin that day, be it positive or negative, it helps. Even if I dont get feedback it enables me to get out what is goin around and around and around in my head. Have u ever considered sum form of counselling, it may help. U dont want to find urself back on the H or even on the Oxy's (though I dont think we get them here in UK - or more likely they are called sumthing else).
Anyhow hope ur day has been good and ul be 2wks clean shortly - just focus on each day as it comes and try not to think to far ahead for the moment.
Keep On Keepin On
Hugs
Haylz
Haylz,
You are right on! With all of it. I intend to focus my attentions on business for once in my life. I've always found it easy to make good money, but this time, I'm goin for the big time! If I can stay focused, there's no doubt I'll be a multimillionaire by this time next year. I know exactly how to do it, I've done it half assed several times. I always get side tracked by some needy chick with head problems or gambling or drugs or usually all the above. My friends and sisters just meet these chicks and shake their heads cause every one of em knows I should be pulling from the top of the heap. I'm actually very handsome, witty, creative, intelligent, and self destructive. Quite a combination, huh? The more I write of my "novel" the more I see where the self destructive part comes from. In fact I just wrote 15 more pages today. You watch, it'll get published. I read the best seller "A million little pieces" before it came out that he was lying about most of it. Mine is better and it's true!
Wish I could share the first 100 pages I've written with you! I know you'd love it!
I've had an incredible life.
But the best is yet to come. Up to now has just been a learning experience.
(I'm a slow learner). But eventually stuff sinks in. I intend to shed a lot of baggage this time and go for the gusto! But I know I need female companionship.... I'll just have to choose carefully this time. That's the only pothole I'm leary of. Drugs? No Way! Gambling? Not a problem.
Women? I'm going to have to work that one out................................
You are right on! With all of it. I intend to focus my attentions on business for once in my life. I've always found it easy to make good money, but this time, I'm goin for the big time! If I can stay focused, there's no doubt I'll be a multimillionaire by this time next year. I know exactly how to do it, I've done it half assed several times. I always get side tracked by some needy chick with head problems or gambling or drugs or usually all the above. My friends and sisters just meet these chicks and shake their heads cause every one of em knows I should be pulling from the top of the heap. I'm actually very handsome, witty, creative, intelligent, and self destructive. Quite a combination, huh? The more I write of my "novel" the more I see where the self destructive part comes from. In fact I just wrote 15 more pages today. You watch, it'll get published. I read the best seller "A million little pieces" before it came out that he was lying about most of it. Mine is better and it's true!
Wish I could share the first 100 pages I've written with you! I know you'd love it!
I've had an incredible life.
But the best is yet to come. Up to now has just been a learning experience.
(I'm a slow learner). But eventually stuff sinks in. I intend to shed a lot of baggage this time and go for the gusto! But I know I need female companionship.... I'll just have to choose carefully this time. That's the only pothole I'm leary of. Drugs? No Way! Gambling? Not a problem.
Women? I'm going to have to work that one out................................
