Hey guys, if anyone know of a specific place or Dr that they or someone has dealt with , that I could call and get in touch with, please email me. So far the best I could come up with costs: $1,000 first month & $500 each month after, plus the cost of the sub. Thats a lot of money, but I'm lookin for an alternative to methadone. Actually, even if you know of someone a few hundred miles out of florida, i might do it, please let me know. E-mail me :browndog113@yahoo.com Thanx
Actually, it could be anywhere maybe up to a long days drive (16 hrs or so) that id be willing to go to. I'm getting despearate here & i really don't want to get back on methadone. Thanks
Dog..I wish I could help you with that info. Are you using now? If not, why start the sub or methadone? Are you having a hard time with cravings? Life? What else can I do to help?
Cowgirl
Cowgirl
Cowgirl, thanks for your kindness, the reality with me is i might be one of thosthat are, well beyond hope. I can be clean for a day , a week , a year,, have no thought or consideration of using, but , well its really a long story that i'm tired of thinkin about. Right now it looks like i got 2 options, meth for life or sub. Briefly, several years ago i read one of my medical files and it had the diagnoses "unreoverable drug addict" which i thought was wrong, stupid & arrogent. More then several months ago, after i started seeing a shrink , trying again, to get clean, succeeding, 2 months later relapsing, the continuous cycle repeating and repeating, the shrink suggested (and he is not a pro meth guy) to quit fu..in around & get back on methadone. I told him i was gonna take one more solid roll at recovery, I owed it to myself. Since then I dont know how many times ive stopped and started. I just want to get my life on even keel. It might seem like the easy way out, but there are several objective factors to consider: (1) I always have to function at a high level to be able to provide for my family (2)I just want to live my life (3)I dont care about getting high most of the time , i just want to fell a little better then normal (maybe that is normal for most people) and motivated. (4)I literally hate myself when i am apathetic, lazy and unmotivated, i also cant get out of it sometimes (5)im getting old, and i don't want to f..ck with drugs/recover, etc etc., I just want to live. I wish i could be different, but i am who i am, and i want to find a reasonable way to live. Methadone is a choice i dont want, because ive been there, and if after 6 months or a year, i want to get off, i just don't know if i could go thru that again, but i hear suboxone, thuogh problematic, is much friendlier then methadone.
Again, thank you for your genuine concern, but when i wegh the pros & cons, sub seems like a better choice then methadone, methadone then living in this constant cycle, (sometimes long, sometims short) that i go thru. I have a hard time convincing myself that using these things is the way God intended me to live my life, but God has not walked in my shoes, & sometimes I don't know anything. Love, Harry
Again, thank you for your genuine concern, but when i wegh the pros & cons, sub seems like a better choice then methadone, methadone then living in this constant cycle, (sometimes long, sometims short) that i go thru. I have a hard time convincing myself that using these things is the way God intended me to live my life, but God has not walked in my shoes, & sometimes I don't know anything. Love, Harry
Harry.. I hear what you're saying. I am all of those things. You want to just live you life? Not like this. This will kill you. You want to provide for your family? Not like this. This will kill you and then who will provide for them?
I don't know what the answer is... I have mixed feelings about Sub. But if it keeps people from addictive behaviors that are self destructive, then maybe that's the way to go. I just know that I have been where you are. I'm not a young person. I've been doing this dance for as close to the same amount of years as you. I also know that getting clean and staying clean, while living a good, normal, active life, can be done. I'm doing it now. I hit the ground running every morning and I don't stop until I go to bed late at night. I do it because I know how. My recovery program has taught me how. I'm learning to let go of my demons and love myself again.
Everyone is different. You have to do what works for you. But have you tried all of the options? You are an intelligent, witty, and warm person... you can have it all.
With love
Cowgirl
I don't know what the answer is... I have mixed feelings about Sub. But if it keeps people from addictive behaviors that are self destructive, then maybe that's the way to go. I just know that I have been where you are. I'm not a young person. I've been doing this dance for as close to the same amount of years as you. I also know that getting clean and staying clean, while living a good, normal, active life, can be done. I'm doing it now. I hit the ground running every morning and I don't stop until I go to bed late at night. I do it because I know how. My recovery program has taught me how. I'm learning to let go of my demons and love myself again.
Everyone is different. You have to do what works for you. But have you tried all of the options? You are an intelligent, witty, and warm person... you can have it all.
With love
Cowgirl
thanx Cowgirl, honestly, i don't know whats right or wrong about a lot anymore when it comes to this stuff, and please dont let me discourage you. I'm just tired, in more ways then you could imagine. take care.
Oh BTW Cowgirl, to honestly answer ur question which i cleverly avoided (knowing how much u love blatant dishonesty) I havent used any narcotics since Sat. night, but I've been chippin awy (maybe alittle more then chippin) again for the past- I'm not sure- 3 weeks, 2 months?, it gets confusing, cause i think theres days off in between, mostly just vikes, a few percs, some ocs a couple times, &a little morph, so i guess i have been using again. I dont feel sick, just samll leg cramps, runny nose, etc, so i dont think im gonna have anykind of serious wd (if i last long enuf for it to become apparant) but if i do or dont, i have to work thru it, so im not gonna focus on that aspect or even think of it. Right now i am one confused person, but i gotta be up by 6 & im gonna try to get some sleep. good night, Peace & love.
Hi Dog,
You probably already have this link, but just in case, here's the Physician Locator link from the Samhsa website:
http://buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/bwn...ator/index.html
It at least provides a list of physicians in FLA authorized to dispense bup.
Peace, M.
You probably already have this link, but just in case, here's the Physician Locator link from the Samhsa website:
http://buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/bwn...ator/index.html
It at least provides a list of physicians in FLA authorized to dispense bup.
Peace, M.
I have to be totally honest here...
Dog, I can't tell you much. It is only my first day. But if you aren't seeking a way to detox...then I don't really know if sub is the answer...I almost cried when I read your story..
I can relate..
But I am afraid once I come off the suboxone.
But just know that if Cowgirl can do it..then you might be able to also....
Shes got honest clean time. So does none, and so does rach..
and it is good sobriety..
I am babbling..but just want to let you know that you aren't alone.
kerry
Dog, I can't tell you much. It is only my first day. But if you aren't seeking a way to detox...then I don't really know if sub is the answer...I almost cried when I read your story..
I can relate..
But I am afraid once I come off the suboxone.
But just know that if Cowgirl can do it..then you might be able to also....
Shes got honest clean time. So does none, and so does rach..
and it is good sobriety..
I am babbling..but just want to let you know that you aren't alone.
kerry
im looking for a way to maintain & protect myself, other then methadone. thanx for the post on the link. i have most of those & ray sent me a lot of info, and i am grateful for all, but what i really want is a direct Dr that someone knows that i can call &set up an appointment instead of calling & calling & calling places & getting nowhere. I gotta go, really, hve to be out of the house in 7 minutes & still take a shower. Hope all have a blessed day. ill check back in about 1. boy, i am hooked on this site.
Dog did you use that search for drs I sent you ? if so the one you called is ripping you off . The mean price Ive noticed and will be paying is 350 for being at the drs office all day the first day and going back for the next 7 days so my vitals can be checked and so she can just check me out. I havent asked about tthe price of the sub but I will be getting that from a pharmacy not the dr.. As I lived in miami for over 20 years there are a lot of these 'clinics" that take advantage of people. . Are there any other drs on that search ,you can look at neiboring counties also. If you lost the site to do the search I will send it to you later . Also let me know the county and city your in and Ill try to find out for you , email me best ray
Hey here is a few I found for you!!
Clearwater
Andre Benson
727-507-4673
Aaron Long
Bradenton, Fl
941-727-8060
There is more in:
Brooksville
Celebration(Orlando area)
Boynton Beach area
Boca Raton
You can e-mail me and I will send you a list to pick from if that's what you like.
Bunny4804@aol.com-just put your name in the subject box
Take care and good luck, Rae
Clearwater
Andre Benson
727-507-4673
Aaron Long
Bradenton, Fl
941-727-8060
There is more in:
Brooksville
Celebration(Orlando area)
Boynton Beach area
Boca Raton
You can e-mail me and I will send you a list to pick from if that's what you like.
Bunny4804@aol.com-just put your name in the subject box
Take care and good luck, Rae
dog,
I read your post and this thread... and I have loved to 'talk' with you although on most points we disagree and my 'friend' this will not be much different so let me preface what I am going to say with these words.. you do what you need to do...and I do sincerly pray that what ever that path is that you find recovery long term and the peace that comes with it... i can see by your posts that you are an extremely intelligent and compassionate individual... I think we are both passionate people and you think me too brutally honest sometimes... but
Having said all that.. I am going to say this.. I really do not believe that there are too many (if any) addicts that are not capable of recovery without methodone or sub... I do not believe that they are soooo lost in that chemical hell that they need any other opiate based chemical to correct it... sorry i just dont believe it... so I will not ever totally subscribe to methodone or sub especially long term....
and to make this post that could get incredibly long very short and too the point.. I dont think a person can go to one or maybe two NA or AA meetings and say for a certainty that they 'gave it a shot' not fairly at least..or that they didnt go with any preconcieved notions that they were fanatics talking about Higher Powers... or that they really did what was suggested and they still failed .... I dont beleive that....
Dog ... I care for you prolly more than you will ever know regarding your recovery and I know it doesnt always come accross on here like that so.. what I am about to say is just going to have to come out and I hope it isnt taken the wrong way by you .... but.... I dont think you have truely went to enough meetings ...long enougn in a row... with a truely open mind (I think you go there knowing you are not going to like it or just picking on little things to not like .. exuses not to go back...so you can say i tried..) or you dont look long enough for the right one.... that in my opinion has been your problem with meetings... and second you wont go to them maybe never as long as you court the idea that you can fall back on meth or sub... maybe you will never get it... but maybe if you truely hit your lowest point and get truely deparate enough you will try them again and go for maybe a month .. make a little longer commitment... not just one or two.. not just a week....
well i dont know... but look on here ...look at the one one here that has managed to put 6,8,12 months or more on here... look at how they do it.. where do we go often .. what is our program..?.... talk to others that you know are clean and have been for long times... what works for them...
your get clean for long periods because you might be in different circumstanses than others.. doesnt mean that you are really different ..your demons still get you.. cause you dont have the answers alone, harry... you need people .. you need a program not another drug....
please dont get mad at me.... just my thoughts...
Teresa
I read your post and this thread... and I have loved to 'talk' with you although on most points we disagree and my 'friend' this will not be much different so let me preface what I am going to say with these words.. you do what you need to do...and I do sincerly pray that what ever that path is that you find recovery long term and the peace that comes with it... i can see by your posts that you are an extremely intelligent and compassionate individual... I think we are both passionate people and you think me too brutally honest sometimes... but
Having said all that.. I am going to say this.. I really do not believe that there are too many (if any) addicts that are not capable of recovery without methodone or sub... I do not believe that they are soooo lost in that chemical hell that they need any other opiate based chemical to correct it... sorry i just dont believe it... so I will not ever totally subscribe to methodone or sub especially long term....
and to make this post that could get incredibly long very short and too the point.. I dont think a person can go to one or maybe two NA or AA meetings and say for a certainty that they 'gave it a shot' not fairly at least..or that they didnt go with any preconcieved notions that they were fanatics talking about Higher Powers... or that they really did what was suggested and they still failed .... I dont beleive that....
Dog ... I care for you prolly more than you will ever know regarding your recovery and I know it doesnt always come accross on here like that so.. what I am about to say is just going to have to come out and I hope it isnt taken the wrong way by you .... but.... I dont think you have truely went to enough meetings ...long enougn in a row... with a truely open mind (I think you go there knowing you are not going to like it or just picking on little things to not like .. exuses not to go back...so you can say i tried..) or you dont look long enough for the right one.... that in my opinion has been your problem with meetings... and second you wont go to them maybe never as long as you court the idea that you can fall back on meth or sub... maybe you will never get it... but maybe if you truely hit your lowest point and get truely deparate enough you will try them again and go for maybe a month .. make a little longer commitment... not just one or two.. not just a week....
well i dont know... but look on here ...look at the one one here that has managed to put 6,8,12 months or more on here... look at how they do it.. where do we go often .. what is our program..?.... talk to others that you know are clean and have been for long times... what works for them...
your get clean for long periods because you might be in different circumstanses than others.. doesnt mean that you are really different ..your demons still get you.. cause you dont have the answers alone, harry... you need people .. you need a program not another drug....
please dont get mad at me.... just my thoughts...
Teresa
Hey Dog don't forget not all doctors who can prescribe are listed....you got to get on the phone man and make some calls.......a grand is way to much, it is usually no more than 350.00 from what I have seen in the posts and some like Johnd's doc were way less......
Good luck, I hope you can find a doc.........and soon!
Tina
Good luck, I hope you can find a doc.........and soon!
Tina
You're in my thoughts and heart today, Harry. I wish you peace and some quieting of your soul.
For all of your blustering...you're not so tough, are you? You're not alone. We're all standing right here beside you.
Love
Cowgirl
For all of your blustering...you're not so tough, are you? You're not alone. We're all standing right here beside you.
Love
Cowgirl
Dog
Your post really touched a place in my heart and I am sure many others too. I don't think we have spoken and I am not around these parts very often because I don't believe I have much to offer in the way of recovery advice. I always look for your posts they speak to me of an intelligent witty guy but the one above made me really want to reach out to you, don't really know what I can say its just I relate to your struggle so much.
Mostly I agree with Teresa, no one is so different that they are beyond "redemption" and everyone such be able to work the program. However I too couldnt make it work for me just yet. Probably did not try hard enough and would never discredit a program because I could not work it. So thats were I am at. I know the story of days off then relapse and mixing it up dangerously. So the best for me at this time is subbing I do it, work my job, play with the children and put addiction on the back burner for a while. The stability it gives me is very important, I know the reasons for and not for taking it but this moment today I feel normal? I feel like I imagine "normalis" feel like. As you probably have guessed I am not a fundamental in any walk of recovery, I take what I need which for me is very little. The big part for me was when my multidisciplinary healthcare team said to me "its time to be the patient, do what we say, don't try to work it all out, dont fiddle with the dose" once I did that I felt some small liberation I could concentrate and doing stuff and I am happy....very happy.
Just before I wrote this I got an email from someone very dear and who has helped made me see how living life today can be great. Looking at my kids and meeting their smiles almost gives me a "rush" of love that has come from an act of will, I purposely went out my way to show my love with a smile but the fruit of that act was a heartfelt love.
Sub allows me to do these things, I am not having obsessions but living and loving now. I am living without too much physical pain. I could not stand another AA meeting, sorry I just could not, I obviously have missed the message and never connected with any of the groups Their intentions were to be admired but to be honest I think non of them "got it" either (locally). Most I got from folk was "keep coming back it works" I tried lots of groups but they were making me more sick....sorry the bad way I reacted to them made me like that. I worried and debated constantly in my head all the why's and wherefores of AA. Just too many questions and for a simple plan it became really complicated for me. Totally my fault.
So for me Sub=stability=pain relief=work for long periods=family health just normal without continually obsessing about stuff. The idea, to me, of going to a program several times a week just bugs me like hell I dont want to talk about drugs forever, I just want to get on with things, I know I have to remember who I am but I do not want to change my social circle for an AA one
I lived clean fifteen years before my last relapse with no program just and guidance from the Christian God, and it was good, things feel different this time, my faith has changed but Sub has helped it stops the down ward spiral, stabilising life enough to live it.
You know, tonight I have booked a fishing holiday (vacation) and am so exited, its not until may but already I have had the rods out to inspect them with the boys. 2 weeks in a log cabin by a lake in the country fishing. now thats some thing I would not have been doing, and being exited about it pre Sub. Coss I know the dose I will be on and how I will feel......stability.....wonderful
Life is FAB
Neon
Your post really touched a place in my heart and I am sure many others too. I don't think we have spoken and I am not around these parts very often because I don't believe I have much to offer in the way of recovery advice. I always look for your posts they speak to me of an intelligent witty guy but the one above made me really want to reach out to you, don't really know what I can say its just I relate to your struggle so much.
Mostly I agree with Teresa, no one is so different that they are beyond "redemption" and everyone such be able to work the program. However I too couldnt make it work for me just yet. Probably did not try hard enough and would never discredit a program because I could not work it. So thats were I am at. I know the story of days off then relapse and mixing it up dangerously. So the best for me at this time is subbing I do it, work my job, play with the children and put addiction on the back burner for a while. The stability it gives me is very important, I know the reasons for and not for taking it but this moment today I feel normal? I feel like I imagine "normalis" feel like. As you probably have guessed I am not a fundamental in any walk of recovery, I take what I need which for me is very little. The big part for me was when my multidisciplinary healthcare team said to me "its time to be the patient, do what we say, don't try to work it all out, dont fiddle with the dose" once I did that I felt some small liberation I could concentrate and doing stuff and I am happy....very happy.
Just before I wrote this I got an email from someone very dear and who has helped made me see how living life today can be great. Looking at my kids and meeting their smiles almost gives me a "rush" of love that has come from an act of will, I purposely went out my way to show my love with a smile but the fruit of that act was a heartfelt love.
Sub allows me to do these things, I am not having obsessions but living and loving now. I am living without too much physical pain. I could not stand another AA meeting, sorry I just could not, I obviously have missed the message and never connected with any of the groups Their intentions were to be admired but to be honest I think non of them "got it" either (locally). Most I got from folk was "keep coming back it works" I tried lots of groups but they were making me more sick....sorry the bad way I reacted to them made me like that. I worried and debated constantly in my head all the why's and wherefores of AA. Just too many questions and for a simple plan it became really complicated for me. Totally my fault.
So for me Sub=stability=pain relief=work for long periods=family health just normal without continually obsessing about stuff. The idea, to me, of going to a program several times a week just bugs me like hell I dont want to talk about drugs forever, I just want to get on with things, I know I have to remember who I am but I do not want to change my social circle for an AA one
I lived clean fifteen years before my last relapse with no program just and guidance from the Christian God, and it was good, things feel different this time, my faith has changed but Sub has helped it stops the down ward spiral, stabilising life enough to live it.
You know, tonight I have booked a fishing holiday (vacation) and am so exited, its not until may but already I have had the rods out to inspect them with the boys. 2 weeks in a log cabin by a lake in the country fishing. now thats some thing I would not have been doing, and being exited about it pre Sub. Coss I know the dose I will be on and how I will feel......stability.....wonderful
Life is FAB
Neon
Sorry the dreaded double push lol
guys,thanks for all your posts, & the love, I mean it. I know this might sound crazy, buti hope im not projecting 'negative' vibes, if that even makes sense in this context. i am serious about that. its just the point at the for at the struglle, where i cant play, wallow& i know this might sound insane, but i dont 'crave', right now i crave a level keel, & im not like whining here, i'm just expressing, which is what i love about this board. we all have to make our own decisions, but we understand each other like others just cant. I mean its nothing so far off like describing color to someone who has never seen, but its in the samedirection as that. i gotta get some sleep & read these posts again, cause some had so much meaning and dept, that u miss a lot. But i really want to thank everyone for being here for me, cause just that helps a lot. good night.
Dog. We understand. You made me smile when you said Mr. Jones. I have never heard that before...but I am full aware of the reason Mr. Jones would be knocking at the door for.
Definately not to borrow sugar.
Kerry
Definately not to borrow sugar.
Kerry
Dog, my doctor charged $400 for the first two visits (she is the only doctor around for 40 miles). The first day I stayed in her office for 3 hours, then one week later I went back to have my vitals checked and talk to her about how I've been doing.
Now she charges $200 a visit (I go back after two weeks on the sub, but after that I only have to go back once a month)
My insurance does not cover the sub (don't know why).... the pharmacy charged me $130 for 2 weeks worth of meds, but it is soooo worth it to me.
Now she charges $200 a visit (I go back after two weeks on the sub, but after that I only have to go back once a month)
My insurance does not cover the sub (don't know why).... the pharmacy charged me $130 for 2 weeks worth of meds, but it is soooo worth it to me.
