When we get up in the morning..we can think dire thoughts about the upcoming day or positive thoughts...we DO have control over our thinking process..when we were using, our ability to think was impaired..in recovery it is easy to get bogged down in the despairing aspects of life...My point is that it is to all our benefit to try and focus on our good fortune and blessings..I, for one am grateful to have 4 clean days under my belt, a loving kitty on my lap, and a warm home...my pain is better and I will NOT think about what "could" happen tomorrow..I hope today finds all of you in good spirits with hope and peace in your hearts...Please...no more arguing...Love,S
Sharonn, I'm so happy that you have been given a respite from your pain. Congrats on 4 days!
you are exactly right sharron you ever heard that song from kenny chesney thats why im here. it talks about the simple things in life and about him and his drinking good song. and so true your thinking is so messed u when using we forget the simple things in life. last night we went to a halloween carnival i had a great time and the best thing about i was sober with my kids and wife around me. it was great i think sometimes we get so caught up in lifes crap we dont stop to thank him for all the simple things. congrats on 4 days hang in there!
Just want to say that the song you mentioned can bring me to tears everytime...mj
Sharon,i so agree with your post.We do have control over out thinking process.I only wish it were that simple.For example,i am a very positive person.I have always tried to find the good in everybody and every situation.I have an open mind,i like to learn from others.Basically,i have always seen the glass as half full.My husband of 23 years is the total opposite.He is the most negative person i have ever none.Everybody is out to get you.Nobody gives a crap about anybody else.Everything is about money,none of the cahrities really help anybody,it's all lining peoples pockets but the ones who need it,etc...i could go on for ever.We clash constantly and it is a true battle living with a person like this.I love him,he loves me,but...he brings me down constantly.I wake up each day ready to take on the world(im 44 but feel like im 20)he wakes up moaning and groaning about all is aches and pains,about how old hes getting(hes the ripe old age of 47)HOW do you deal/live with somebody like that.How do you day after day,month after month,year after year,live with this type of constant pesimissm and yes,lots of critisism.Its hard,very hard some days to keep my positive outlook.Part of me truly believes my drug problem started to deal with this very issue,i was at the end of my rope.I dont want to give up on 23 years of marriage but....life is not as good sa i know it could be.Sorry,i have never talked this way before,but this topic just brought it all out.I try,i constantly try and point out the positvie of situations to him but for the most part,he continues to prefer things are all bad.When i first opend up to him and confessed my addiciton,he did change for a bit,i truly believe he felt guilty(as if he were to blame)though i have never ever said that,and never ever would.So...he has tried and gotten somewhat better.I continue to try and be happy with myself and what i have and all ive accomplished,but deep down,i know things could be much better,i have a force that can/will/and does bring me down much too often.Do any of you have the same problems and how do you deal with ti?Thanks so much for listening to my rambling,i appreciate it~KIM
dear Kim You ramble as much as you want youve earned that sweety.As for what you said.If I read it right than I can say that I myself am my own worse enemy.My mind can easily think of sad depressing things(part of having depression I guess.Yes somedays for the sake of the people I love I fake it,but the funny thing about that is if I fake it long enough somehow I always end up happy....mj
MJ,the "Experts" claim that is very true,faking it can actually make it come true.It just goes to show how powerful our minds really are.I only wish he(my husband) could fake it from time to time.I ask him"arent you just miserable and exhausted being so negative all the time" and he says thats just the way he is and will always be.I beleive his childhood had a lot to do with his thinking but people survive much much worse situations than he has and become very positive people,in fact many of these experts have come from such backgrounds and have pulled themselves up and made wonderful lives for themselves.To me,thats very empowering,and very encouraging.I just tell myself that i can only control my feelings and thinking i cant change him,but i just feel so sad watching him live his life this way.And it does effect me each and every day too. MJ,depression runs in my family and it can be devestating,im gald to hear youve managed to find a few tricks that work for you to help improve your life,that is very encouraging to hear.~KIM
I chose to be happy this morning. So I went to an AA meeting.
Now I'm happy. Pretty simple for me.
Congrats on those 4 days, Sharon. You have mail by the way.
XXX
CG
Now I'm happy. Pretty simple for me.
Congrats on those 4 days, Sharon. You have mail by the way.
XXX
CG
Hey Sharon:
You sound so good and happy.
Will email you shortly, only have a few more minutes to be on the board - busy day.
Love you,
Jean
You sound so good and happy.
Will email you shortly, only have a few more minutes to be on the board - busy day.
Love you,
Jean
Dear kim Your reply touched me.Its so clear to see that you would do anything to make your man even content.Im so sorry to say this but I think your fighting a looing battle.No matter what you do even if you change yourself into all HE wants he will probaly not be happy.What I worried about reading that was you.Its so sad to see you feel so low.I have depression & I know that the people in our lives can really effect that.
You sound as if you really dont know what to do.Maybe Im wrong but thats what I got from your post.I wish I had the right words to comfort you but all I can say or offer is my friendship if ever you need to talk.Pleaze if you ever feel the need to talk to me just start a post.Ive been comming back here more & more & would like to help as many as I can.Take Care Kim I always thought you were awesome...mj
You sound as if you really dont know what to do.Maybe Im wrong but thats what I got from your post.I wish I had the right words to comfort you but all I can say or offer is my friendship if ever you need to talk.Pleaze if you ever feel the need to talk to me just start a post.Ive been comming back here more & more & would like to help as many as I can.Take Care Kim I always thought you were awesome...mj
Dear Kim:
Your story reminded me of a couple who lived in the active retirement comm where I worked for so long.
This one couple lived there the whole 13 years that I worked there. The man was just miserable to his wife, their happy grown children , g'children and us.
She was just full of happiness.
One day she talked about it and said that she had tried so hard to make him happy - had been married a long time. She said one day she said to him, you are a surgeon and have a wonderful practice, we have healthy children and g'children, we are comfortable and out health is still good to where we can do anything we want.
He looked at her and said "so what" She said she stopped trying to get him to be happy. She went on trips with friends and children. She swam laps in the pool - she was there every morning in the summer - went to the Y in the winter. She was very active in the community. She said she just filled up her life with happy things even did what she wanted at home and didn't care whether he liked it or not - like having people over.
So, after all of this, I hate to say it but that old saying "we can only change ourselves" but I believe that's true.
Hope you find a way.
Love, Jean
Your story reminded me of a couple who lived in the active retirement comm where I worked for so long.
This one couple lived there the whole 13 years that I worked there. The man was just miserable to his wife, their happy grown children , g'children and us.
She was just full of happiness.
One day she talked about it and said that she had tried so hard to make him happy - had been married a long time. She said one day she said to him, you are a surgeon and have a wonderful practice, we have healthy children and g'children, we are comfortable and out health is still good to where we can do anything we want.
He looked at her and said "so what" She said she stopped trying to get him to be happy. She went on trips with friends and children. She swam laps in the pool - she was there every morning in the summer - went to the Y in the winter. She was very active in the community. She said she just filled up her life with happy things even did what she wanted at home and didn't care whether he liked it or not - like having people over.
So, after all of this, I hate to say it but that old saying "we can only change ourselves" but I believe that's true.
Hope you find a way.
Love, Jean
Thanks for the replies everybody.I didnt mean to take over this subject,but it struck a cord with me.
MJ....your words and concern touched my heart,thank you so much. I guess i was having a bad day yesterday,i really wasnt contemplating what to do...i KNOW i will never leave him,as far as that goes,i love him,he loves me,he loves his kids and grandchildren,we are his world and he is mine.It is just very frustrating.I stopped trying to change him a long time ago really,i just hoped that he would eventully learn by example.I dont think he KNEW any thing different.I Remember this old plaque i saw somewhere once,with the saying...live with hatred,learn to hate...live with criticism learn to criticize....live with love,learn to love,etc...well i believe that. I probably am fighting a losing battle and after 23 years ive seen some small changes.But i know a miracle is never goin to happen after all this time.But like Jean and Sharon said,im just going to move on with life ,keep up the positive thinking,and concentrate on MY happiness,and try not to let him bring me down,some days thats extremely hard but im working on it everyday.~KIM
MJ....your words and concern touched my heart,thank you so much. I guess i was having a bad day yesterday,i really wasnt contemplating what to do...i KNOW i will never leave him,as far as that goes,i love him,he loves me,he loves his kids and grandchildren,we are his world and he is mine.It is just very frustrating.I stopped trying to change him a long time ago really,i just hoped that he would eventully learn by example.I dont think he KNEW any thing different.I Remember this old plaque i saw somewhere once,with the saying...live with hatred,learn to hate...live with criticism learn to criticize....live with love,learn to love,etc...well i believe that. I probably am fighting a losing battle and after 23 years ive seen some small changes.But i know a miracle is never goin to happen after all this time.But like Jean and Sharon said,im just going to move on with life ,keep up the positive thinking,and concentrate on MY happiness,and try not to let him bring me down,some days thats extremely hard but im working on it everyday.~KIM
Dear Sweet Kim Im taking a break from cleaning my messy house but I wanted to let you know I will always try to be here for you.Even if its only "a bad day"please know you have a friend in me.Is there anyway we can exchange emails?I would like it if you have mine just in case you EVER need to talk....mj
Hi There,
The glass is always half full for me. No matter how bad things get for me I think about my cousin and his buddies in Iraq. Sleeping in a fox hole can't be fun.
It's raining like a cow pissin' on a flat rock, I have four semis to unload with one of them stuck in the mud, our generators are 4 hours overdue and we have a show at 8pm. Hey, life is good....I'm clean!
The glass is always half full for me. No matter how bad things get for me I think about my cousin and his buddies in Iraq. Sleeping in a fox hole can't be fun.
It's raining like a cow pissin' on a flat rock, I have four semis to unload with one of them stuck in the mud, our generators are 4 hours overdue and we have a show at 8pm. Hey, life is good....I'm clean!
Yes MJ,i would love that,thank you,you're such a nice lady,so sweet!!!! Heres my email,look forward to hearing from you!~KIM
kelleykeeley1@aol.com
Bikeman,what a great attitude,i love it!!!!
kelleykeeley1@aol.com
Bikeman,what a great attitude,i love it!!!!
LOL Bikerman....hey, I hope that your show goes well.
Feeling better?
CG
Feeling better?
CG
yeah, we're good....all is good.
Hey Kim
I know right where you are coming from as far as using the drugs to bury the distances between us.and our partners If I came home and said I got a raise she would say its not enough..lmao I HATE NEGATIVATY. I was with someone for 18 years before I realized
that I had the power to change it ..I have been living alone for 6 months I have quit smoking after 32 years I am working out and eating right...and now I will put the perks behind me after 3 years good luck...and the truth will set u freeee
I know right where you are coming from as far as using the drugs to bury the distances between us.and our partners If I came home and said I got a raise she would say its not enough..lmao I HATE NEGATIVATY. I was with someone for 18 years before I realized
that I had the power to change it ..I have been living alone for 6 months I have quit smoking after 32 years I am working out and eating right...and now I will put the perks behind me after 3 years good luck...and the truth will set u freeee
Steve....just wanted to say hi and welcome you to the board....have you quit abusing the perks yet? What are you doing to say clean or get clean?
Cowgirl
Cowgirl
hey cow girl I am just saying no I am only on day 2 without perks,,I have just
taken zantac,,and immoduium to stop the water works..I am a private person and have never thought about meetings..I am sure they are good for some
but I have always done on my own gave up booze and coke in the 80s just went cold turkey.. did the same with cigs aa few months back,,I decided it was time to change my life and I will..I will never take another pain pill...you see I did not take them because i was injured I just liked to get high well I guess im babbling
my mind is everywhere anyway I will win
thanks
steve
taken zantac,,and immoduium to stop the water works..I am a private person and have never thought about meetings..I am sure they are good for some
but I have always done on my own gave up booze and coke in the 80s just went cold turkey.. did the same with cigs aa few months back,,I decided it was time to change my life and I will..I will never take another pain pill...you see I did not take them because i was injured I just liked to get high well I guess im babbling
my mind is everywhere anyway I will win
thanks
steve
