This Could Be A Problem

I haven't been on the boards much and honestly I haven't had a desire to even get high. As long as I've been around recovery I still thought that I was different because I had no desire to get high.

I don't know who has used sub or methadone to get passed addiction but now that I'm down to only 5mg of methadone, been weaning off for several weeks now, the urge to get high has been so strong. I wasn't over it as I thought, it didn't disappear, it was numbed by the use of methadone. It's always been here and I thought I had it easy because I would read how others were struggling with the urge to use and yet not "I."

I don't know if this happens to anybody else people who tried getting off the sub or happens to others who try getting off methadone but to me it only prolonged the recovery process I think. Now I have to deal with this urge and I thought I found a way around it. Who knows, maybe it's just me.
No Liz...(by the way good to see you post.)No its not just you.I get the feeling that most of us addicts,think if we stop usen thats the end of the struggle,when really its just the start.
No matter how long youve been sober,that beast we all work so hard to rid ourselve of still lurk.It probaly always will...I guess that the MAJOR part of recovery.

As for the cravings...Liz huny you arent the only one.This time of year,with winter setting in holidays comming...seems to be a huge trigger for most.If your under more stress than normal your addict mind will try real hard to trip you up.

By the way...I wanted to say...Im so proud of you,youvetapered so much.Maybe if you kweep telling yourself just how unhappy you actually were high it may help keepthe cravings at bay.And you know by niw that ashard as it can be talking about it helps so much.

Take Care Liz...you have my addy if you want orneed to talk.
Love mj
Hi MJ,

Yeah, you could be right, this is a rough time of year for everybody and that could be part of the problem. I know if I don't give in the urges do subside, as they have already. Earlier I was getting hit pretty hard. But still, I don't remember feeling the urges like this last year at this time and I think because they methadone has kept it away.
5mg is nothing and yet I won't just let it go yet, but I have to soon because my husband will no longer be getting that prescription anymore anyway. Methadone just made me feel so lathargic, I won't miss that, I will only miss never feeling the urge to use again..

Well, My son is here and I'm visiting with him. I'll catch up with you through email soon MJ.

Love,
Liz
Well with my story here, I was hoping that maybe I can help even if one person. Just hoping if anybody thinking of using pills like sub or methadone to get off of pills, will understand it's not going to heal you of addiction. Eventually you will have to get off the sub or methadone and go through the withdrawals anyway. I don't have any experience with sub but the methadone has been extremely hard to get off of, I've been dealing with withdrawal since I started the weening off process several weeks ago. As I've stated too, now I'm forced to deal with learning how to handle the urge to use, how I see it is this stuff only prolonged the inevitable. To me it wasn't worth it, but I'll get through it.

As I see it with the lack of responses here that I will get through it on my own with the help of God.The only person who responded was MJ. MJ I really appreciate your support, you have always been an angel on this board, reaching out to those who need it, the way it really should be, addicts supporting addicts. Thank you MJ.

So with that, I wish you all well and God Bless you all.

Love,
Liz

Liz, I think more people would have responded if they had some experience with methadone which is what you asked for, I think. As far as dealing with the cravings, what have you been doing? Have you been in therapy or going to meetings? I know about cravings but never took methadone. I'm pretty sure you know how I learned to deal with them. <G> I went to AA and it worked for me. Good luck with your withdrawals. I've heard they are pretty intense.
Hi Liz! I do not know about meth. but I hope everything gets better for you.
I get intense cravings alot and never been on that. Mj or I think that was her who posted? The holidays are a huge trigger!! At least for me that I have been resenting this time of year cuz I will be sober. But I have to learn how to like the feeling of this.
I do not like drama and it really has been hitting hard.I will just deal the best I can. Sorry you feel you do not get much responses as I do not get that much either. Your right it is about addicts supporting addicts.Take care of yourself!
Oh my gosh, Liz, it's so good to see a message posted by you! I haven't been around much either, but would love to catch up with you.

When you get a chance, please email me at dsam2u@gmail.com

I hear ya and will lend what support I can.

Hugs and love to you ~

Sammy
Hi there,
I am glad you are on the right path...It is cathartic just to write here, regardless of the responses..All of us have our own addictions, issues. I have been the sub route, and know it isn't the magic cure, like methadone...
I wish you well, and am glad you are here writing. I know I feel badly when people don't acknowledge my posts, but, it's all good. I am writing and expressing, not using...and they say we can't think of two things at once, so I use this to keep my mind of enemy # 1, addiction.
My best to you, I hope the weaning gets better for you, know that pwople care, some just don't post, but read your story and it helps them through their own pain, or struggles...
Take care :)
Lucky
Hey Kat, Bianca and Lucky,

I was just having a rough time when I wrote the above and its part due to the withdrawals and I'm sure the holidays are a trigger, especially when you're broke.
I have seen Kat around when I used to come to this forum but I don't think I ever met Bianca or Lucky, welcome to the board. I hope you find the support you need here, if not and you need a response email me anytime @ Liz04here@yahoo.com. Take Care and God Bless.

Sammy, I'm so glad to see you and will be sending an email to you soon.

Love,
Liz
you got mail,,,hope it goes throw ,,been having trouble,,,im so sorry liz,,about your problem,,no that your loved by me and others here ok,,now read a personel message I sent you ok,,tell me you got it ,,love you sweety,,poopie
Liz

I really don't think it has anything to do with the Holidays,although that is a stressful period.From a biological point if you have methadone or suboxone in your system,the receptors in the brain are being constantly fed with opiates.Of course you wouldn't have physical cravings.Getting off after long periods of use is brutal.This seems to be the Achilles Heel of addiction medicines.

The whole purpose is to be as comfortable as possible while you pursue a recovery program.I know some guys who are on Methadone in my group who really struggle with this.They want to get off so bad but taking that plunge is terrifying.

I would suggest going to some meetings and speaking with some others who have successfully tapered off.There will be plenty who can share their experiences.
Hey Poopie,

I didn't get an email but appreciate your thoughts.

Hey Tim,

I guess that's why I don't understand using Methadone or Sub to get off of pain pills. To me it only replaces one drug for another and still have to go through the recovery at some point anyway. Mind as well get it over with. The fact that I had reported my husband's drug abuse with his prescriptions when he overdosed a couple of months ago had made it so neither one of us will have access to it anymore, in which is good because going through this now I know I would had ran back to it if the supply kept coming in as it was to get rid of the cravings that come. Now I have to get through it and I'm glad about that. Methadone turns you into a zombie, so lathargic, so if I have to get through this to actually be able to live again then it will be worth it. Plus, I know my husband would had killed himself on it yet, that was coming.
Sometimes God does for us what we can't do for ourselves.Keep us updated.
Besides getting off methadone are you planning on doing anything else, Liz?
Hi Kat,

Well besides getting off the methadone I keep myself busy with rescueing cats. An organization called Animalkind covers the cost of the vet bills and I foster them until I can find a home for them. Because of the recession, people are dumping their cats in trailer parks and on farms or just moving out and leavving their cats behind. I take them in so they don't freeze to death, get them to the vet to get them spayed or neutured, feed them and hope to find homes for them.. I keep myself busy, but the number one thing I do to help myself is I put my faith in the Lord because I know there is no way I can get or stay clean on my own.
Far as AA or NA meetings go, been there and done that route and it just isn't for me. For me to sit in the meetings and listen to drug or drinking stories only makes the urge to use even greater.
Therapy is something I could probably benefit from but without health insurance I'm placed on a sliding scale that is supposed to go by your income but it always end up costing me $20 a visit and I can't afford it. Doesn't sound like much and it isn't much, unless you have nothing than it's too much.

I knew getting off methadone wasn't going to be easy, So none of this is a surprise to me, the only thing I didn't expect was having the urge to get high. I thought I was passed that, at least past it being overwhelming at times.

Hi Liz, I do not think we have talked before however I read your post and wanted to reply. I have been on the boards for awhile and have not posted much at all due to just living life and stepping away from the computer and dealing with reality on a day to day basis. I totally understand you do not want 12 step anymore, I respect that however you need to have safeguards in place that are recovery related. If you are feeling vulnerable at 5mg of methadone, then when you step off totally you will need a cushion of recovery. Even though I use 12 step I do not like people throwing 12 step in my face either, however you are in a slippery slope right now. For you to come on the board and post that you are craving proves that you know you are getting to the edge. I admire that you are going to rescue cats, however you will be newly sober as far as no substance in your body at all and it will be completly different. Cutting off the source is wonderful, however when we really want something as addicts we usually make it appear. I hope that you have some type of supportive recovery related measures in place. Great to see you post

take care

Carol
As long as you do something, Liz. Meetings are free but if they're not for you then they are pretty useless. Maybe you could check your community and see what else is available at low cost. Doing nothing but quitting doesn't seem to work for long. I tried it and was miserable for 7 months till I picked up again. Then I was REALLY miserable.
Hi Liz -

I admire what you are doing to rescue abandoned cats. I've told my son that after the New Year I'd like to go to the local humane society and adopt a couple of cats. It's so sad to read of pets being left behind. And I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. Recovery is different for all of us Liz. Are there others in town or nearby who like you, are rescuing abandoned animals? Is there someone you can confide in and share your personal struggles? I've been a chronic relapser because I've always been one to isolate after I get some clean time under my belt, and when I do that the results are predictable and never good. Right now I'm fortunate that I do enjoy a couple of meetings a week, and have recently utilized my company's EAP to find a really good counselor.

Reminding myself daily that "I can't do this alone" keeps my ego at bay and allows me to drop the walls I've historically built around myself. In the past I would only let people get just a little bit close to me, then I'd retreat. If you can Liz try to find someone who you can be totally honest with. Make it a two-way street, because there are others out there who could benefit from your life experiences and your wisdom.

Good luck,
Jim
Hey Carol and Kat,

I will give what was said some thought.

Hey Jim,

Good to see you, yep, you described me totally here. I'm like that where I allow people so close than I retreat. I've tried fighting that and I just find myself back in isolation for the most part.

Far as the cats go, I'm the only one in this neighborhood trying to save the cats. I love animals and I can't watch them suffer. It got real cold around here with temperatures only reaching 30 for the high today. I am also making some shelters to place outside for those that I can't catch yet. Animalkind website explains how to do that where it could protect them from the severe cold.

I'm so glad you and your son will be adopting a couple of cats. Animalkind keeps a watch on shelters where they house cats and dogs and will rescue them before they are put down. It's so important for everyone to spay or nueture their pets. The cats do keep me busy and I feel good that I can help them as much as I possibly can anyway.

Love,
Liz
Hi Liz - I too don't know anything about methadone or sub for that matter. I don't understand the use of another opiate to stop taking opiates. But it's not for me to judge. It seems to be a tool for people struggling to stay clean and live a normal life. It just seems like a maintance doseage of opiates. I really don't understand it. I don't know if the 12 steps are for me either. I have been going to meetings and I'm attending with an open mind. It's free and you may just inspire someone who is worse off than you. In inspring another you may give yourself another clean day. I understand that it is not all about receiving help and inspiration but giving it as well. You may meet some new people that you do have something in common with. Don't give up. NA and AA work for those who choose to have an open mind. You don't have to be a "moonie" to belong. You just have to want to quit using. I went to an outpatient group that cost me $25. I chose not to go back because I felt I got the same thing from the NA meetings for free. It's also good to be reminded that you are not alone. Good luck and nice of you to rescus the kittys. I just found a 1 1/2 pound kitten on my doorstep 3 weeks ago. I am a self proclaimed "dog person". I took her in and brought her to the vet. I couldn't let her die in the cold. She has become a nice addition to our family. She's really kind of cool (for a cat) and my cavachon Abby thinks it's her baby. One day I'll post a picture of the two "sisters". BTW she has doubled her weight in one week. No one loses weight on my watch!!