I have no choice now. Right after the holiday, I'm done. I don't have much of a choice anymore unless I'm willing to sell my soul. I'm not at that point yet. So I'm having alot of anxiety these last 48 hours or so.
I will be needing you all, even if on a limited basis. I'm trying to think of a new name to sign in as. I'm going to have to INSIST to my husband that I need some kind of help....even if only on this board for now. But he can't know my history here. I want to sign in in a way that I am still recognized by everyone here but that he can't trace my past posts.
I wish I could go into further detail right now but I can't. All I can say is that I am scared and desperate and I need all of you. So many of you have been there for me in the past and I have let you down....Ali, Atlas, Lisa, Kerry, Amy, Jim, Tim, Janet, Kat and Kat and Teresa, Michelle, Gina, Denae and Stacey and Shantel and so many others that I can't even name right now. I'm sorry if I didn't name you personally. I know alot of you have probably given up on me by now. I love all of you and I need you so bad. I wish I had people to rally around me in my real life...but for now, I have you all....and I am so grateful for that.
This board has been a lifeline for me and in alot of ways my only connection with the outside world. Please, continue with your patience and understanding for me. I appreciate more than you could ever know.
I'm scared, you guys....yet, excited at the same time. I'm on my way to getting my life back....whether I like it or not.
I have to.
I'm out of choices.
It's now or never....it's life or death....
And I'm gonna give life a shot for now.
Are you with me?
well girl i am a hundred and ten percent with you!!! life is scary but the scariest part about it all is when we dont join in and join it. ... . . . If you need anything just let me know!!! we have all been there, just take it one day at a time........ life is scary sometims but sorry jane stealing your line again, faith over fear!!! i gave red a pinki and i will give you one as well it does get better, we just have to do are part to get there!!! hang in there!!!!
will keep you in my prayers!!!
Pants
will keep you in my prayers!!!
Pants
I am glad that you are deciding to take your life back. It does get better once you quit. I will keep u in my prayers and if you ever want to email me my email is: sweet_pea_6935@yahoo.com
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
i am with you sister and will keep you in my heart of prayers.
i have an idea .....after you come up with a new name.......
just sign it JJ...............for just jane......or just sign your name.
were with you all the way..........
God Bless you honey........
its gonna be ok.
you can do this.
thumper
i have an idea .....after you come up with a new name.......
just sign it JJ...............for just jane......or just sign your name.
were with you all the way..........
God Bless you honey........
its gonna be ok.
you can do this.
thumper
Jodi............
So glad to hear this..........
Dont be anxious, be excited, you are going to get your life back..........
Hang in there......
We are here for you anytime, I mean it........
I have always followed your story, and I have no doubt that you are going to come out of this stronger than ever.
Big Hugs.
So glad to hear this..........
Dont be anxious, be excited, you are going to get your life back..........
Hang in there......
We are here for you anytime, I mean it........
I have always followed your story, and I have no doubt that you are going to come out of this stronger than ever.
Big Hugs.
You never disappointed us....sometimes, it takes what it takes. Lots of us wanted to quit for a long time....that is why I could relate so much to your posts.
Don't let the fear get to you....YOU WILL MAKE IT...
And remember, the farther away you get from your last drink/drug, the easier it gets. It may be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier.
Don't let the fear get to you....YOU WILL MAKE IT...
And remember, the farther away you get from your last drink/drug, the easier it gets. It may be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier.
jodi,
i don't know you, but i am certainly pulling for you. no one gives up on another, as long as you don't give up on yourself...i remember just last week Lisa saying that you couldn't "run her off". your support is still in tact.
good luck to you, and god bless you.
notfeelingclever
sarah
i don't know you, but i am certainly pulling for you. no one gives up on another, as long as you don't give up on yourself...i remember just last week Lisa saying that you couldn't "run her off". your support is still in tact.
good luck to you, and god bless you.
notfeelingclever
sarah
Jodi, It was so good to wake up and see your post. It's gonna be hard but you can so do this and from you're post it sounds like you are ready. If Bish was around to see this he would be so happy for you just like I am. If you need anything just let me know. Shantel
Jodi,im with you all the way!
You have always seeemed like such a very nice person,ive always known someday you were going to "do this"!!!!
You know we'll all be here for you. I highly doubt ANYONE ever gave u[ on you.
Im so very happy to see youre ready to take the steps(no matter what the reasons)the results will be the same,and you wont be sorry! Best of luck,keep posting~KIM
You have always seeemed like such a very nice person,ive always known someday you were going to "do this"!!!!
You know we'll all be here for you. I highly doubt ANYONE ever gave u[ on you.
Im so very happy to see youre ready to take the steps(no matter what the reasons)the results will be the same,and you wont be sorry! Best of luck,keep posting~KIM
Jodi-I say this with all the love and concern but we've through this before.You will have to do things differently this time.I will be more than willing to help you detox but unless you get outside help,I don't see anything changing long term.I can help you in that area if you are not sure what's available to you.You have my e-mail and I will research everything available to you.
I got your e-mail yesterday and I'm just slow in responding because I haven't been around.
Don't get too stressed out about this now but that toxic situation you are in is going to have to change.
Be honest with yourself.It doesn't matter if it's not what you think we want to hear.Are you willing to go to any length to save your life?What are you going to do different this time?
I'll shoot you off an e-mail today.
This isn't going to be easy but the greatest rewards never are.
I got your e-mail yesterday and I'm just slow in responding because I haven't been around.
Don't get too stressed out about this now but that toxic situation you are in is going to have to change.
Be honest with yourself.It doesn't matter if it's not what you think we want to hear.Are you willing to go to any length to save your life?What are you going to do different this time?
I'll shoot you off an e-mail today.
This isn't going to be easy but the greatest rewards never are.
Jody, I'm so happy that you have made a decision...I will be here for whatever I can do to help you make it through this.
{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Baby doll, i'd never give up on you. ever.
you are a wonderful person. we can see it, and we'll continue to tell you until you realize it yourself.
keep my email close
kaylinsmom440@yahoo.com
Love you
stac
you are a wonderful person. we can see it, and we'll continue to tell you until you realize it yourself.
keep my email close
kaylinsmom440@yahoo.com
Love you
stac
To be brutally honest, I don't know if I'm willing to go to any length to save my life. To be even more honest, most days I don't feel like my life is worth saving. But I've gotta start somewhere. And maybe if I can get my head clear long enough, maybe, just maybe, my feelings about myself will change. God I hope so. Because this is brutal living in misery day after day.
Obviously, I don't know what is best for me. I haven't made very healthy decisions my whole life. So I am atleast willing to listen to those that have gone before me.
I hate addiction. And I've been asking "why me?" for so long now. I have 2 sisters, neither of them have an issue with addiction. So, why me? That's all I keep asking. But it doesn't matter anymore. It did happen to me. And I have to accept it....right?
My name is Jodi and I am an alcoholic and an addict....Period.
Obviously, I don't know what is best for me. I haven't made very healthy decisions my whole life. So I am atleast willing to listen to those that have gone before me.
I hate addiction. And I've been asking "why me?" for so long now. I have 2 sisters, neither of them have an issue with addiction. So, why me? That's all I keep asking. But it doesn't matter anymore. It did happen to me. And I have to accept it....right?
My name is Jodi and I am an alcoholic and an addict....Period.
Hi Jodi...I'm Stacey and I'm an alcholic and an addict...welcome...
Your share reminded me some of the exact feelings I had before I finally surrendered, then accepted that I am powerless over drugs and alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.....then I saw the glimmer of hope and I just held on to that thread of hope and prayed....
Can you get to any meetings? Do you still have a Big Book?
For me, it took what it took for me to get where I am today.....as long as you are breathing, there is hope....
xoxo
Your share reminded me some of the exact feelings I had before I finally surrendered, then accepted that I am powerless over drugs and alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.....then I saw the glimmer of hope and I just held on to that thread of hope and prayed....
Can you get to any meetings? Do you still have a Big Book?
For me, it took what it took for me to get where I am today.....as long as you are breathing, there is hope....
xoxo
Jodi
When you're ready, we'll be here.
When you're ready, we'll be here.
Jodi,
Make up some random sign in name that he would never think is you. Then, when you are online you can change your signature to say who you are. Remove the signature when you sign out. Unless he is looking from another computer when you are online it will work. And everyone will know who you are quickly and you won't have to do that for long. I'm happy to hear you say you are ready. If I can ever help, please let me know. Email me anytime.
Make up some random sign in name that he would never think is you. Then, when you are online you can change your signature to say who you are. Remove the signature when you sign out. Unless he is looking from another computer when you are online it will work. And everyone will know who you are quickly and you won't have to do that for long. I'm happy to hear you say you are ready. If I can ever help, please let me know. Email me anytime.
Jodi quotes-To be brutally honest, I don't know if I'm willing to go to any length to save my life.
You have to Jodi.You can't be sorta or maybe.Many before you have been in even worse situations.Some lost their homes,their kids and were living on the street.Some women had to sell their bodies and even worse.
You still are in a house,have a job and are certainly not destitute.
You have to reach inside yourself and grab some bit of strength you may not realize you have,but you do.
This is not going to go away and it is not hopeless.
All that defeatism and self pity are the drugs/alcohol talking.They don't want to lose their best friend.
You can do this and have made enough friends on here to help you....but they can't do it for you and it will require some outside intervention like NA.
You have to Jodi.You can't be sorta or maybe.Many before you have been in even worse situations.Some lost their homes,their kids and were living on the street.Some women had to sell their bodies and even worse.
You still are in a house,have a job and are certainly not destitute.
You have to reach inside yourself and grab some bit of strength you may not realize you have,but you do.
This is not going to go away and it is not hopeless.
All that defeatism and self pity are the drugs/alcohol talking.They don't want to lose their best friend.
You can do this and have made enough friends on here to help you....but they can't do it for you and it will require some outside intervention like NA.
Jodi....
I wish you well and will send good, harmonious thoughts your way. As you know, I threw in the towel and now am going into a methadone program, because I keep relapsing. I wish you luck.
Love,
Deirdre
I wish you well and will send good, harmonious thoughts your way. As you know, I threw in the towel and now am going into a methadone program, because I keep relapsing. I wish you luck.
Love,
Deirdre
jodi, this is it, for me too, after the holedays i have to make a big dission, on my life, things are realy bade in my famile writ know, and a lot has to do with me, i can,t seem to suernder to this addiction, i pray things work out for both of us, love karen.
Jodi,
Even with the stress and anxiety of Christmas, I think this is the best present you can give yourself. Of course we're with you, honey and prayers are on the way. There's a higher power who can REALLY help. You're not alone. Wish you could go to some meetings to help you through it. Hang in ther honey and (((((Hugs))))) and the best of luck.
Even with the stress and anxiety of Christmas, I think this is the best present you can give yourself. Of course we're with you, honey and prayers are on the way. There's a higher power who can REALLY help. You're not alone. Wish you could go to some meetings to help you through it. Hang in ther honey and (((((Hugs))))) and the best of luck.
