Wow- I wrote that 4 years ago
Still here !!!'
time flies,
jack
Not only is IT still here, but it is an amazing piece of writing from one smart guy. The real bonus is that YOU are still here =)
Thanks for being here, Jack.
Peace~M&M
Thanks for being here, Jack.
Peace~M&M
Jack, its the best thing you have ever written as far as I am concerned....its magic...when I start thinking and craving and wondering...I re-read it...and it brings me up cold...stops those stupid thoughts in a heartbeat...everything you wrote is the honest truth....and it reminds me I never want to go there again....
a million thanks can never be enough for that piece of truth you wrote...you may never know just how many lives you have saved....
Con
a million thanks can never be enough for that piece of truth you wrote...you may never know just how many lives you have saved....
Con
jack,just read this post and it brought it all flooding back,i was clean for 2 years and have only just found this board again.i was posting on here 4 years ago and your post hit home....it has again 4 years later.....been using for the last 7 months and i am trying to undo the damage done
Jack, I believe you said something to me on another thread and I've been meaning to get back to you. I just read your decription about how a lot of us used to be and you nailed it. I don't know if you're working now or what you do, but your gift with words is fantastic. A lot of people have probably told you this already but if you're not a writer you could easily become one. I hope you are doing well. Mike.
ha! am not the only1 too! only didnt sel me house goods just me car nd van started using abt 1 year ago after loosing job hvn 2 move house nd gess what write next door to a H deela if i didnt live where i do now i wud be my normal self sad ah! but true nd av just got 2 move on close my eyes to it all i told my partner a few month after a relised my adiction not long after that i was a deela 4 my next door nayber/thinking then this is not me what the hell am i doing just to feel normal but that was after i went from 13 stone bodybuilding to a sad 9 stne then my mam looked at me and sead u wud tel me if were ill or cancer i looked in shame and told her the truef a cudnt hv a thinkin that she cryd nd i did i then stoped deeling went 2 docs started the meth got up 2 110ml slowly cumin down with lots of relapses then a done it stoped the H for 2 months nd just got down to 30 ml just 2nd a half weeks ago then stopet but then bk on H sunday just gone was my last my doc put me on df,s bcars a didnt wont 2 start meth agen am hot cold nd u no the rest am doing it this time 4 me and my family was using a bg a day for the 2 nd a half weeks with out meth can any 1 tel me how long a wil feel withdrols pls av readed all on this site nd hope i get sun mental suport lyk all of yous on here its made me feel beta just reading all the amaizin storys am in england/newcastle cud do with sum soporte nd ansers am mark got 2 boys 3nd4 nd my lass what i love lots am realy doing my best 4 them evan no i keep thinking its just there nd me trubles wud be ova but i no thats wrong it wud just get wers am fyting it not going bk to that dark lonely place thanks and good look too all al be bk 2 check thins out realy soon god bess
and am also bk up to 12 stone tryin my best to get to gym but am more wontin to do my detox at the moment the saying drugs are bad is so true evan tho av smoked weed tuck [e] coke al that palarver never thought ad end up a smack head are shud i say x smack haed cos am wiling not going bk noway wont my life bk only time will tell al be bk soon thanks to all
and am also bk up to 12 stone tryin my best to get to gym but am more wontin to do my detox at the moment the saying drugs are bad is so true evan tho av smoked weed tuck [e] coke al that palarver never thought ad end up a smack head are shud i say x smack haed cos am wiling not going bk noway wont my life bk only time will tell al be bk soon thanks to all
Jack,
This made me cry. Now picture going through that every day but with a girl by your side that loves you. Yes, he pawned alot of stuff when he was too ashamed to come to me for money. But many of those mornings when he was sick, it was ME who gave him the money. It was ME who stuck it out with him through the "sick". It was ME who kept his cell on so he could call the dealers and not have to use a pay phone.
I am crying again. I can't take this rejection. Is it all my own fault cause I enabled him? Did he turn to the arms of someone else because she has also been there? Is it because they have this disease in commen? Is she giving him the emotional comfort now that he is clean that I couldn't give? What hurts the most is that he is now doing things that he didn't do for YEARS. Going to the beach. Things that we didn't do because he needed to stay close to home. Going away for the weekend. With her. I am the one who stuck by him and she is the one who gets the good clean guy that I met years ago. It's not fair. Life isn't fair. I am really hurting Jack.
Danie
This made me cry. Now picture going through that every day but with a girl by your side that loves you. Yes, he pawned alot of stuff when he was too ashamed to come to me for money. But many of those mornings when he was sick, it was ME who gave him the money. It was ME who stuck it out with him through the "sick". It was ME who kept his cell on so he could call the dealers and not have to use a pay phone.
I am crying again. I can't take this rejection. Is it all my own fault cause I enabled him? Did he turn to the arms of someone else because she has also been there? Is it because they have this disease in commen? Is she giving him the emotional comfort now that he is clean that I couldn't give? What hurts the most is that he is now doing things that he didn't do for YEARS. Going to the beach. Things that we didn't do because he needed to stay close to home. Going away for the weekend. With her. I am the one who stuck by him and she is the one who gets the good clean guy that I met years ago. It's not fair. Life isn't fair. I am really hurting Jack.
Danie
Honey, YOU know if you're a good person or not. You would feel the guilt for having done something MORALLY wrong. MORALS. A whole new thread. Look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself akiss, from me. Mike.
Hey all , been visiting this site now for 6 months and still clean of the h ,this is for dbest you were asking how long the rattles will last - well a few years ago i was on between a gram and a half gram a day more at the weekends anyway i went on holiday for 14 days to minorca with the girl and two kids and i took 65 df's (30mg) thinking i'd do a tapper well i went on the saturday and had done all my diffs in by the tuesday then i had 8 more days of no sleep not being able to eat and after about a week i was being sick and had to go to doctors who saw i was in pretty bad shape and wanted to take blood and put me on a saline drip for 24 hrs ofcourse i panicked thinking that they would suss out all the crap in my blood so i made my excuses and left anyway by the 11 or 12 day of my holiday i started to eat and sleep and actually felt amazing but by then the damage was done with my girl who all this time didn't even know yet i was an addict needles to say as soon as we got back home she dumped me and i went out and scored 2 grams and it was another 2 years before i got of the s*** for real and i never say never as i lied about being clean so many times i'm like the boy that cried wolf but deep down inside i think this is my time i'm back with that amazing girl and things are peachy .... stick with it mate the rewards are way better than any high...PEACEOUT!!!..paul
St. Pauli, I think you're the first person I replied to (on another thread) and one day, when I make it to Europe, I'd like to meet you. I just fessed up to a slip, but reading between here and the pp board, makes you wonder about some people. Anyways, I don't know if you have heard of "David Gogo" a blues, rock guitarist from here, but he's playing here in town (outdoors) for FREE on monday. I don't know about you, but somehow good music ALWAYS makes me feel better. If you can, check him out, online or a cd, and let me know what you think. I know monday is going to be a great day! Take it easy, Mike.
jack, the day in the life of h sounds so much of my spouses days i guess its like every addicts day. my spouse has relapsed again its been 3 yrs now. this last yr being the worst if thats possible. any way i have been supportive as usual i know better than to focus on spouse. im not gonna leave my home, its almost pd for. and if i did spouse wont pay the mortg cause they never have any money so it would for close. so i dont know, i just exist. always promises this is it. and then says i know i always say it but today. and im like in my head going yea.. spouse has been on meth prog at least 3 times this yr on and off. and in the past they have been to 2 rehabs. over the past 20 yrs some dibbing and dabbing not good but u know.. some times ill say knowing what u know and how hard it is to stop and what u go thru, in gods name why would u even pick up again? what do u think the answer is ( i know) and all the (thats it im done). and when i start to talk about getting treatment spouse will say i know what i have to do better than anybody and ill do it. counslors just spoke with spouse and say u need at least a couple of weeks inside they agreed and of course the plan changed in a few days just gonna try to get on meth prog again and work it this time. when i read your post i said let me share this, when i read it to spouse they were like yea thats it. and then told me to get off this site cause im gonna make myself sick. then came back in the room and said and thanks for reminding me to clean the cotton. can u imagine, like its my fault i read this and made them think of oh yea good idea. spouse came from a loving home middle class always worked. i just think spouse loves the high. a great person is in there sometimes for 5 minutes of clearity i can see them. but it doesnt last. its gone. i have nothing left of myself to give anymore. spouse is in late 50s this is the choice spouse has made. for me im getting to old for this s--t
this time in their relapse ive seen different things like temperment. and other stuff maybe the age i dont know. ive said please leave and go be happy some where. u wont have to see my face and i wont ruin you high. u know i care about my spouse but i just cant stand to see it anymore. its really hard to watch. i pray for us all, for every one to stay clean ,keep remembering what got u there and truly what it was like. how bad it was to feel sick and never go back. reading the post ive never used but i truly could feel the pain and agony. maybe cause its to close to home for me. me and spouse grew up together. so sorry to bend you ear. i dont want to depress u. with my b/s. stay well and keep fighting
this time in their relapse ive seen different things like temperment. and other stuff maybe the age i dont know. ive said please leave and go be happy some where. u wont have to see my face and i wont ruin you high. u know i care about my spouse but i just cant stand to see it anymore. its really hard to watch. i pray for us all, for every one to stay clean ,keep remembering what got u there and truly what it was like. how bad it was to feel sick and never go back. reading the post ive never used but i truly could feel the pain and agony. maybe cause its to close to home for me. me and spouse grew up together. so sorry to bend you ear. i dont want to depress u. with my b/s. stay well and keep fighting
Hey there mike was actually listening / downloading some peter green stuff when i wandered onto this site so i d/loaded one song of David Gogo and yes that man is tight he's actually got a good web site you can't beat the blues eh? i think anyone who was half decent since way back was influenced by the blues anyway mate i'm actually sitting on my dinner break at the course i'm doing and have to kinda keep it short so i'll need to wrap this up ..hope your winning your fight and getting where you want to be enjoy the gig today and stay in touch...as always PEASEOUT...paul
Bumping for a friend...
Jack, I love you for putting this here. Talk to you next Monday, buddy!
Love and respect ~ S xo
Jack, I love you for putting this here. Talk to you next Monday, buddy!
Love and respect ~ S xo
I sure was a mess back then- Obviously Ive changed my thinking about medically assisted treatment.
I guess as I reread that , I was using while on a low dose of methadone - - I dont even remember if I walked off the klinic for awhile or not - -
Imagine putting a dollar worth of gas in the car these days ??
Yeah, the good ol days - haahaa
I guess as I reread that , I was using while on a low dose of methadone - - I dont even remember if I walked off the klinic for awhile or not - -
Imagine putting a dollar worth of gas in the car these days ??
Yeah, the good ol days - haahaa
That. was. an. AMAZING. read.
Thank you Jack.
Wow....I know someone just like that now. I was getting to that state myself.
Incredible read. Very much "the day in the life of a heroin addict."
Thanks Jack, these reminders of the past are good to have, they make me realize how lucky I am to have found this site, gotten help in my real life and am now a recovering addict, not just simply an addict.
All that scrambling around..hustling...lying..stealing....da.mn, it becomes so "every day" that you hardly think of it being against the law or going against your own morals. It becomes about surival and not being sick, that is all. Nothing or no one matters more. I was in the most rotten parts of town...places I'd not even drive through before my addiction....giving my money to the dealer who was snickering like I was some kind of fool......and I was. Wow.
I am so grateful I never used needles too. I will admit that I was curious about them and would get pi*sed off because I wasn't getting the full effect of the H by snorting, therefore I was wasting about 40% of the product by snorting. So I had thought about switching to shooting up..haha..in order to "save" money, isn't that funny?! Ridiculous and thank you God or whatever/whoever you are for pushing me out of the way before it was too late!!
I am very much impressed Jack!..and humbled...thank you so much for posting that...YEARS and YEARS before I even needed it.
Love
Melissa
Thank you Jack.
Wow....I know someone just like that now. I was getting to that state myself.
Incredible read. Very much "the day in the life of a heroin addict."
Thanks Jack, these reminders of the past are good to have, they make me realize how lucky I am to have found this site, gotten help in my real life and am now a recovering addict, not just simply an addict.
All that scrambling around..hustling...lying..stealing....da.mn, it becomes so "every day" that you hardly think of it being against the law or going against your own morals. It becomes about surival and not being sick, that is all. Nothing or no one matters more. I was in the most rotten parts of town...places I'd not even drive through before my addiction....giving my money to the dealer who was snickering like I was some kind of fool......and I was. Wow.
I am so grateful I never used needles too. I will admit that I was curious about them and would get pi*sed off because I wasn't getting the full effect of the H by snorting, therefore I was wasting about 40% of the product by snorting. So I had thought about switching to shooting up..haha..in order to "save" money, isn't that funny?! Ridiculous and thank you God or whatever/whoever you are for pushing me out of the way before it was too late!!
I am very much impressed Jack!..and humbled...thank you so much for posting that...YEARS and YEARS before I even needed it.
Love
Melissa
Holy Crap Jack......
I was just checking in and saw your post.....and you were just 7 days into this site. I felt like I was reading my own story...So much the same, as I'm sure lots of other people are relating to it too. Really puts you back in a bad time in our lives. Sure makes me glad I am not there anymore.
And a crock pot??? What were you thinkin"!!!!! LMFAO. The dude at the pawn shop where I went was quite a character...probably thought the same of me. His store was right at the corner where the apartments were that had all the connects. Sure made it easy. It was te drive back home that was bad. Sometimes I would pull into a gas station 1/2 way between there and home and try to fix in my car. Dumb idea.Those were the days......I am so glad they are in the past.
Thanks for the refreshing memories......LOL
Granny
I was just checking in and saw your post.....and you were just 7 days into this site. I felt like I was reading my own story...So much the same, as I'm sure lots of other people are relating to it too. Really puts you back in a bad time in our lives. Sure makes me glad I am not there anymore.
And a crock pot??? What were you thinkin"!!!!! LMFAO. The dude at the pawn shop where I went was quite a character...probably thought the same of me. His store was right at the corner where the apartments were that had all the connects. Sure made it easy. It was te drive back home that was bad. Sometimes I would pull into a gas station 1/2 way between there and home and try to fix in my car. Dumb idea.Those were the days......I am so glad they are in the past.
Thanks for the refreshing memories......LOL
Granny
ahhh, the good ole days....thanks for the reminder jack...your never clean long enough were you don't need it....and i needed it...good timing for it to be brought back
Con
Con
