llh,
I feel your pain.
I still feel i am not the one to really give you too much feedback b/c I am still early on my own journey into sobriety.
From what i read, you were on Oxycontin?. I was on percs. You also took Ativan to help w/ withdrawals? I feel the Ativan can cause some of your anxiety besides the Oxys. They are a mess to deal with themselves. Cause depression and there will be traces of these in your system for approx 30 days after ingesting the last one. As a benzo is leaving your system (even if you have not abused it--and i think you said you only used them for a short period) you will notice times of anxiety because the benzo level in your system is decreasing also..
When i took the valium for 3 days, I did feel a bit anxious after that and i felt it was from the benzo beside the opiate even though i took it for a very short period. .
Also, as people have posted there are a lot of factors that you have to take into consideration when looking at the weeks following cold turkey.
You age
Amount of time on the drug
The drug of choice
Your liver function and kidney function, etc (each of us are different)
Usually opiates stay in your body for at least 7-10 days. Then after this I found you can go through a period when the withdrawals can be magnified again because now the body is really reacting to not having the drug in it's system. .............. There will be periods for days, weeks were your body is ridding (sp?) itself of the opiates in your tissues no matter how minute the amount is......... And even though you took the ativan for withdrawal, there is still a trace of it in your system.
I hope this is helping.
What i feel today? Ups and downs. Much better physically than i did before. I find that exercising has been a godsend because it truly helps with the depression which is paramount in early recovery.
I stressed meetings were important because isolation has caused depression and stinkin thinkin for me. I get into my head too much and going to meetings gets me out of myself and changes my focus. I know if I didnt I would be a prisoner in my mind................. I found friends and listen to others to get out of my head.
Each day will be up and down for a period and if you keep on track, there will be more days in your future that you will feel a peace.. But, you have to walk through the darkness to get to the Light. Time, time and as CG says, baby steps....
Again, I hope this helps and this is my opinion.
-Gentlepeace
Thank you for responding. i have been taking 1mg of ativan to sleep. I don't know how I could have gotten through this without sleep. I feel now that I should stop that asap. Should I go to 1/2 for a couple of days and then 1/4 or is it safe to just stop if I am only taking it once a day? I am scared to put my body through anything else so would it be better to do it slowly. I have only taken it for a couple of months.
llh,
I would be trying to play doctor if i did not tell you need to talk w/ your doctor about this. I feel uncomfortable telling you to do anything when withdrawing from a benzo. Though, it seems ;you havent been on Ativan too long which is a blessing. Talk w/ him/her and see if they can give you an idea on how to taper so you won't have such a hard time. Maybe they will dispense valium which has a longer half life (i think) and is a good benzo for taper........again, talk w/ your doctor.
Benzo's will exascerbate (sp) your depression though if you continue. I do understand your issues w/ sleep. Been there, but you know, it will return without medicating. I can promise you this. Again, time. Many a nights i was awake and had to say to myself, "this too shall pass". Saw a lot of sunrises and this is when i had to mentally make a gratitude list so my mind would not be so negative and take me prisoner.
llh, you can do it! If i can, you can. Just take tonight, then tomorrow. Do not look so far ahead. :You have many days behind you now and NEVER have to go through this again if you choose not to.
Keep posting and asking for what you need from the board. These people care and so do I. I will try to post to you daily if you want me to.
-Gentlepeace
I am just freaking out about everything..... I hope that is just a symptom of withdrawl. It would help me so much if you would post to me and tell me how you are doing. Now I am freaked about the ativan. I know you are right I just have to be where I am and try to stay calm. I have come so far. Someone said that you need to fake it till you make it and that is what I am doing right now. I wish it would go faster. Thank you so much for writing to me.
IIh,
Have you thought about seeing your doctor. If you are really worried it will put your mind at ease to speak to a professional.
I remember my withdrawls last time were horrendous and went on for about three weeks.
Again, make an appt with your doctor in the am.
With regards
Wendy
Have you thought about seeing your doctor. If you are really worried it will put your mind at ease to speak to a professional.
I remember my withdrawls last time were horrendous and went on for about three weeks.
Again, make an appt with your doctor in the am.
With regards
Wendy
DEFINITELY!
I know I have said this like, 500 times and you're probably sick of hearing it right now, but IIh, you really need to go to the doctor, lay it all out (how you're feeling physically and emotionally, what you're taking, how you want to feel, any other medical problems) and see if a) they can maybe put you on a medication that feels right for you and is something you would be interested in, b) help you with a plan for the future of all of this, and c) know that someone is at least aware that this is going on and that your body and mind are going through this.
I can't emphsize this enough. And if your current doctor is a moron, just make an appointment with another one and start fresh. SOmetimes that's even easier.
I am a strong girl. You would not want me to body slam you..
:)
SP
I know I have said this like, 500 times and you're probably sick of hearing it right now, but IIh, you really need to go to the doctor, lay it all out (how you're feeling physically and emotionally, what you're taking, how you want to feel, any other medical problems) and see if a) they can maybe put you on a medication that feels right for you and is something you would be interested in, b) help you with a plan for the future of all of this, and c) know that someone is at least aware that this is going on and that your body and mind are going through this.
I can't emphsize this enough. And if your current doctor is a moron, just make an appointment with another one and start fresh. SOmetimes that's even easier.
I am a strong girl. You would not want me to body slam you..
:)
SP
gentlepeace,
Were you still having stomach trouble last week? I feel like I am going to throw up a lot during the day. And the last two mornings when I get up and my stomach is empty I just heave into the sink. Nothing comes up but spit and then I feel a little calmer for a bit. As soon as I try to eat I feel nauseated again. Is that a typical thing at 22 days?
Were you still having stomach trouble last week? I feel like I am going to throw up a lot during the day. And the last two mornings when I get up and my stomach is empty I just heave into the sink. Nothing comes up but spit and then I feel a little calmer for a bit. As soon as I try to eat I feel nauseated again. Is that a typical thing at 22 days?
Sp
I didn't sleep at all last night. I really don't want to bug my Dr. again if this is just normal withdrawl. I live in a small town and I work in healthcare so I am so embarrassed about this. I just want to leave it in the dust and move on, but keep having this nagging fear that this is taking to long. I just need to know that others felt like this for this long. I am not at all worried about ever using again. You don't have to hit me over the head twice. I am way to old for this. I just really feel uncomfortable calling my Dr. And there isn't anywhere else to go that I would feel like I had any privacy. L
I didn't sleep at all last night. I really don't want to bug my Dr. again if this is just normal withdrawl. I live in a small town and I work in healthcare so I am so embarrassed about this. I just want to leave it in the dust and move on, but keep having this nagging fear that this is taking to long. I just need to know that others felt like this for this long. I am not at all worried about ever using again. You don't have to hit me over the head twice. I am way to old for this. I just really feel uncomfortable calling my Dr. And there isn't anywhere else to go that I would feel like I had any privacy. L
llh,
Sorry to hear the nausea/vomiting is still an issue. Yes, I had waves of this last week around day 26. It could also be from the anxiety.
You say you have gone back to your doctor and he checked you out and told you, you were fine? Did he take your B/P, etc?
llh, the anxiety can be debilitating at times. A couple years ago when i was detoxing from benzos i felt agoraphobic, depressed, and had anxiety that I never want to experience again. There are still periods as i go through opiate withdrawal that i wake up with this impending doom feeling. I can wake up from sleep and feel okay and within a couple minutes wish i had never woken up because the anxiety has reared it's ugly head again. As time goes on, it lessens and i am able to function more normally. Am i feeling better now? Very much. Periods of feeling normal (still get periods of depression) and even laughter is returning. These feelings have returned after being off all medications for 30 days.
Please remember that nothing is written in stone. Everyone's detox diary can be different.
Please talk w/ your doctor about the benzo. Again i will say it will play w/ your mind and exascerbate the depression you are feeling. I know you are hesitant about calling.
If you want to give me your personal email address, I will be happy to communicate more with you.
-Gentlepeace
Sorry to hear the nausea/vomiting is still an issue. Yes, I had waves of this last week around day 26. It could also be from the anxiety.
You say you have gone back to your doctor and he checked you out and told you, you were fine? Did he take your B/P, etc?
llh, the anxiety can be debilitating at times. A couple years ago when i was detoxing from benzos i felt agoraphobic, depressed, and had anxiety that I never want to experience again. There are still periods as i go through opiate withdrawal that i wake up with this impending doom feeling. I can wake up from sleep and feel okay and within a couple minutes wish i had never woken up because the anxiety has reared it's ugly head again. As time goes on, it lessens and i am able to function more normally. Am i feeling better now? Very much. Periods of feeling normal (still get periods of depression) and even laughter is returning. These feelings have returned after being off all medications for 30 days.
Please remember that nothing is written in stone. Everyone's detox diary can be different.
Please talk w/ your doctor about the benzo. Again i will say it will play w/ your mind and exascerbate the depression you are feeling. I know you are hesitant about calling.
If you want to give me your personal email address, I will be happy to communicate more with you.
-Gentlepeace
I am very freaked out about the ativan. I took just a 1/2mg last night and didn't sleep very well,,, but I want to just taper off as soon as possible. I just can't think to much about it or it makes me crazy. I am very glad to hear that you are feeling better. Was it mostly in the morning that you felt like throwing up or was it all day sometimes. I just dreaded getting up because I knew it was coming. Did you loose weight? I have lost so much weight, I feel so skinny and weak. I don't feel like myself, kind of like a shell with no soul. I keep trying to think of a happy list, but I am just not there yet. I can't e-mail from here so I guess I just have to hope to find you on. Thanks for talking to me. L
L,
There was no rhyme or reason to the nausea/vomiting.
I lost between 10-20 lbs when detoxing. I kept eating banannas and I hate bannanas! But, there are an excellent source of potassium, energy,etc. Do not worry about your weight. You will put it back on in time.
I do understand when you say shell with no soul. Depersonalization (sp) Feel like you are not there; just watching yourself. Opiate and benzo withdrawal can make you feel this way.
I am not trying to scare you about the ativan, just make you aware that you are not going crazy, that there is a reason. The levels in your blood rise and fall after your dose. You might find when you take the 1/2 that for approx a couple hours (maybe less) you will feel that the anxiety attacks have lessened. Then they might return again because the level of the drug decreases in time.............. I say this so you will be somewhat reassured.
Walking will help with the anxiety if you can.
-Gentlepeace
I am only taking the ativan at night so I haven't noticed anything but sleep with it. I havent taken it for anxiety at all. I am just trying to breathe throuth that. I am glad to hear about the weight loss, it helps to know I'm not the only one. I have felt a stretch of the more peaceful feeling this morning.... but still no joy yet. I want a little glimpse so bad. I am tired of feel like a walking body with no personality. I walked for 15 minutes up and down my stairs and around the house. I set the timer.
Good for you for getting some exercise. You sound pretty determined that you will not see your doctor about this. I understand your problem but it is not a crime to become addicted to pain pills. It can and does happen to anyone.
I live in a small town and work in healthcare and I go to my local pharmacy to pick up my sub a couple of times a week and no one knows apart from the pharmacy and my doctor. Part of staying clean is being honest and cutting of your sources ie. doctor
Please think about it. I believe it is the guilt, shame and isolation that is making this worse for you
With respect
Wendy
I live in a small town and work in healthcare and I go to my local pharmacy to pick up my sub a couple of times a week and no one knows apart from the pharmacy and my doctor. Part of staying clean is being honest and cutting of your sources ie. doctor
Please think about it. I believe it is the guilt, shame and isolation that is making this worse for you
With respect
Wendy
Thanks Wendy. Not wanting anyone to know doesn't have anything to do with sources for me. I took cared of all of that. It has more to do with not wanting my family and friends to worry or think bad of me. I understand that this can happen to anyone, I am standing here as proof. I have so much respect for anyone who is able to overcome an addiction including myself. I really mean that. I am determined to leave this behind me. If I ever relapse even one time I promised myself and my husband that I would get help. I am giving my self one chance and I think I can do it. I never want to go through this again.
I agree Wendy about the exercise. Good going!
Hope you are doing okay tonight.
-Gentlepeace
Hope you are doing okay tonight.
-Gentlepeace
Gentlepeace, I had several periods of calm today and less nausea. I am still waiting for some joyful feelings, still nothing in that department. Today was a lot easier then yesterday I hope that is a sign. Once it got better it didn't go back did it? I am a little anxious this afternoon but am just doing the breathing and making some tea. I just don't want to go backwards. Can you describe to me how you felt when knew you were getting better?
L,
it is so good to hear you are experiencing periods of being calm.
I am not going to tell you that it is smooth sailing all the way now because sometimes it can be one step forward, two steps backwards. That is why this disease is described as "cunning and baffling". This is also why i needed the support from these boards and face to face contact w/ other addicts. I can tell you if you don't use and continue on the path of sobriety you will find one day the good days out weigh the bad ones. But, I can not promise you a (as one person said to me) a rose garden. Part of the journey is being clean and seeing who you really are. As your mind clears you will have the normal ups and downs in life and will need time to learn to cope in a healthy way.
What i wanted being sober was the euporhia I only knew that was drug induced. That is an artificial euphoria and is not how life is. That is what i call an unpredictable, artificial euphoria. I realize the euphoria i seek and experience will be different than this. It will be predictable and not the high, highs............but a better one; one that will put a smile on my face at times from just living life.
-Gentlepeace
it is so good to hear you are experiencing periods of being calm.
I am not going to tell you that it is smooth sailing all the way now because sometimes it can be one step forward, two steps backwards. That is why this disease is described as "cunning and baffling". This is also why i needed the support from these boards and face to face contact w/ other addicts. I can tell you if you don't use and continue on the path of sobriety you will find one day the good days out weigh the bad ones. But, I can not promise you a (as one person said to me) a rose garden. Part of the journey is being clean and seeing who you really are. As your mind clears you will have the normal ups and downs in life and will need time to learn to cope in a healthy way.
What i wanted being sober was the euporhia I only knew that was drug induced. That is an artificial euphoria and is not how life is. That is what i call an unpredictable, artificial euphoria. I realize the euphoria i seek and experience will be different than this. It will be predictable and not the high, highs............but a better one; one that will put a smile on my face at times from just living life.
-Gentlepeace
Those joyful feelings don't just come out of the blue. Start a gratitude list and I'll bet you start to feel a little better.
Just a suggestion
Wendy
Just a suggestion
Wendy
hey wendy! long time no post!
llh:
take wendy's advice......start a gratitude list. it is a VERY powerful thing you can do for yourself!
peace.
sarah
llh:
take wendy's advice......start a gratitude list. it is a VERY powerful thing you can do for yourself!
peace.
sarah
Hey Sarah,
It's a beautiful hot summers day here in Oz. I've been washing walls and windows and am gateful I have the energy to do it before heading off to work this evening. When I was using I would have found it all too much.
Wendy
It's a beautiful hot summers day here in Oz. I've been washing walls and windows and am gateful I have the energy to do it before heading off to work this evening. When I was using I would have found it all too much.
Wendy
