Well, I thought I was doing so good. And I guess I am physically. I am on day 27 now and 97% of the physical symptoms are gone, but I am so pissed off I could just explode. At what? Don't know. Everything. Everyone.
In my heart, I am happy to be off the pills, but subconciously I think I am angry that I can't have anymore. I am not craving them, per se, but wouldn't mind having one or two to just get going, get something done, maybe feel better mentally. Is that sick? Is it normal? Could that be where all this anger is coming from? I have no intention of taking any and have no source to get them any longer even if I did.
Just wondering if anyone could shed some light on this new dilemma. My husband is not very happy with me and my attitude right now and I really need to find a way to get through this day with out being so mean. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Dear tmom What your feeling is normal all the anger all the sadness.It sounds like you have already done the hard work of cleaning your body out.The mental cravings will probaly always come and go.Can you talk to your husband about this?Would he understand?I hope so having a good partner along with this board is a great support system.If I can help in anyway please say....mollyjean..mj
Mollyjean you are so sweet. Yes, I have an awesome husband who has been EXTREMELY supportive through all of this. I mean for many years he has been my rock. And now I am treating him like s***. Ofcourse, I am lashing out at everyone and he's the closest one to me so MAN he's really catching h***. I hate byself for feeling this way, but just can't seem to shake it. I am currently not on an anti-depressant, do you think I should try that? I've read on here about something new some of you are using........starts with a "M".............
Thanks!
Hi I really would talk it over with your MD as far as that is concern Your husband must be a very sweet person who loves you alot(there are some real great men out there)When to have a moment to speak with him I would try to explain that its not him doing it to you and tell him what you said to me about him.I mean isn't a marriage just that a give & take the good and bad,I'm sure he'll understand.As far as feeling as you do just try to ride with it it will pass I know it doesn't feel like that yet but it will.As I said your body did the hard part but the human mind is such a mistery ya know.Hang in there it will get better...mollyjean
Thanks so much for your replies. I have been reading other posts on here this morning and have found some things which I hope to apply to life today. I will talk to hubby.
Have a great day, and I appreciate you responding!
Any time I will help anyway I can.All of us here are like alittle family so we will do what we can.Have a great day too take care.....mj
Hey trideltmom,
I want you think about something......you can't do it all, you only can try your best, and in time all will get done! Maybe you are pushing yourself to hard to be perfect, and on top of everything. I have seen on here at times the women wondering why they can't seem to get anything done without the pills. You are not that woman on pills anymore. You are a better woman, stronger without them......and human....above all. Give yourself some time, no one in this world is perfect and should never expect themselves to be, or be expected to be either. I hope this makes sense to you.
One day a at time!
Tina
I want you think about something......you can't do it all, you only can try your best, and in time all will get done! Maybe you are pushing yourself to hard to be perfect, and on top of everything. I have seen on here at times the women wondering why they can't seem to get anything done without the pills. You are not that woman on pills anymore. You are a better woman, stronger without them......and human....above all. Give yourself some time, no one in this world is perfect and should never expect themselves to be, or be expected to be either. I hope this makes sense to you.
One day a at time!
Tina
Misty eyes........You are so right. I am definately one of "those" who want to do it all and it be perfect. My shrink and I are dealing with that, and I truly do believe I have let some of my "need" to excel go. It's a childhood thing, being brought up by the Wicked Witch, who I still to this day can NEVER please. It is actually one of the things I am most proud of in my recovery.........let the small things go, they are all small things.
This anger is about something else. Not sure what. But I DO know I will beat it, also. I didn't get clean just to be an angry b**** all the time.
It is no coincidence my first thought goes to "What pill can I take to fix this?" But, I have used antidepressants successfuly before and am hoping to try that.
Just wondered if anyone else was having the same reaction to the clean life. Thanks so much for your input! Have a nice Sunday. It is a beautiful day in Georgia. Hope it is where you are, too!
This anger is about something else. Not sure what. But I DO know I will beat it, also. I didn't get clean just to be an angry b**** all the time.
It is no coincidence my first thought goes to "What pill can I take to fix this?" But, I have used antidepressants successfuly before and am hoping to try that.
Just wondered if anyone else was having the same reaction to the clean life. Thanks so much for your input! Have a nice Sunday. It is a beautiful day in Georgia. Hope it is where you are, too!
Mom, I WAS THERE.....
I used to get so angry, over nothing, really. I couldn't control myself sometimes...I hated it, and it was dangerous for me because losing control is one of my biggest triggers....(I am like you, everything has to be perfect or I lose it..)
What you might want to do is be kind to yourself. Just do the best you can. When we give up our best friends, we go through a grieving process. Norco was my best friend for the longest time....the stages are denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance...and finally hope.
You are normal at getting mad for not having any. I STILL go through that sometimes. I had a script for 240 a month, but filled at 19 days, 21 days..you do the math. I thought who in the world would give that up...it only cost me $5 to refill...I see people at pharmacies and I get mad...mad that I gave that up, and mad that I can't have any...
But then I get honest, and rememeber why I quit. I cut myself off...I got sober on my own....no one made me. I know that if you take one, it is more than likely you will go back to 6, or whatever you were up to.
And exersize helps me....it gets those happy juices flowing.
You can make it through..
Just remember that it isn't worth it.
The anger will go after a while. I had that too.....it is normal.
Hugs to you...
Kerry
I used to get so angry, over nothing, really. I couldn't control myself sometimes...I hated it, and it was dangerous for me because losing control is one of my biggest triggers....(I am like you, everything has to be perfect or I lose it..)
What you might want to do is be kind to yourself. Just do the best you can. When we give up our best friends, we go through a grieving process. Norco was my best friend for the longest time....the stages are denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance...and finally hope.
You are normal at getting mad for not having any. I STILL go through that sometimes. I had a script for 240 a month, but filled at 19 days, 21 days..you do the math. I thought who in the world would give that up...it only cost me $5 to refill...I see people at pharmacies and I get mad...mad that I gave that up, and mad that I can't have any...
But then I get honest, and rememeber why I quit. I cut myself off...I got sober on my own....no one made me. I know that if you take one, it is more than likely you will go back to 6, or whatever you were up to.
And exersize helps me....it gets those happy juices flowing.
You can make it through..
Just remember that it isn't worth it.
The anger will go after a while. I had that too.....it is normal.
Hugs to you...
Kerry
Dear Tmom,
Anger is the number ONE reason I always go back to pills. I get so angry and I'm not like that. Maybe its just one of our emotions coming back in full force, but you brought up a good point, every time I've quit, thats the reason I go back, I get angry at everything and am a total b**** and have no patience.
Anger is the number ONE reason I always go back to pills. I get so angry and I'm not like that. Maybe its just one of our emotions coming back in full force, but you brought up a good point, every time I've quit, thats the reason I go back, I get angry at everything and am a total b**** and have no patience.
that is actually why I went out before.... I couldn't handle the rage. I guess this time I know what to expect, and just put on a headset, go for a looonnnnngggg walk, swearing at everything the whole time. If you saw me, you'd think I was nuts....lol....
Kerry
Kerry
okay, not really visible swearing..but I must have a pretty intense look...just wanted to clarify...lol..
Kerry
Kerry
I never thought about it, but after the withdrawal phase, I WAS angry... I was angry at myself to let my little pills become an addiction. I was mad at my husband and family for not understanding why I took them in the first place. I was mad that I would never be able to have a little pick me up or feel that feeling that Norcos gave me ever again.....
Well, I gave in to that anger.... when my dentist did the work on me, I didn't tell her I was an addict. I WANTED to have that little buzz again and I really thought I could handle just taking them AS NEEDED. Boy, was I wrong....
Now I'm still angry
Well, I gave in to that anger.... when my dentist did the work on me, I didn't tell her I was an addict. I WANTED to have that little buzz again and I really thought I could handle just taking them AS NEEDED. Boy, was I wrong....
Now I'm still angry
WOW, well at least I know I'm not alone in my rage. I didn't really think I was mad at not being able to take any pills, but I guess that's it.
I know going back to it will only lead to things much worse that this temporary insanity I have, and I truly do not want to do that. I will just follow your suggstions and try to let some things go. Thanks so much for your input.
Actually, I wound up having an awesome day yesterday. Went on a Tour of Homes with a non-using friend and can't remember when I have laughed so much! Getting out of my same old enviroment was very healthy to my current state of mind.
Of course, I got pissed off at seeing those absolutely PERFECT homes with multiple PERFECTLY decorated trees, decorations, etc. I mean, there has never been a time in my life, using or not, when I would think 12 Christmas trees in one house is something to be admired. That, to me, is just a different type of obsession and abuse! LOL!
TriedItMom:
I agree that some of that anger is due to not having the pills anymore. I know that it is just my nature to want what I want when I want it.....damn it! A picture of a baby banging on the high chair comes to mind....lol. Anyway, sometimes it helps to remind myself that this is all MY CHOICE -- I choose not to run around hiding and taking pills and keeping secrets from others; I choose to have the courage to be clean today; I choose to live a life without dependence on those little yellow pills; I choose to try and have integrity and honesty in all aspects of my life. And I may even deserve this kind of life ......now there's a concept! Peace, M.
I agree that some of that anger is due to not having the pills anymore. I know that it is just my nature to want what I want when I want it.....damn it! A picture of a baby banging on the high chair comes to mind....lol. Anyway, sometimes it helps to remind myself that this is all MY CHOICE -- I choose not to run around hiding and taking pills and keeping secrets from others; I choose to have the courage to be clean today; I choose to live a life without dependence on those little yellow pills; I choose to try and have integrity and honesty in all aspects of my life. And I may even deserve this kind of life ......now there's a concept! Peace, M.
Hi Mom - I'm so glad you liked our house and all of the decorations yesterday....just kidding!
Okay, time for me to come back down to planet earth. Actually, what I want to share is something I hear in 12 steps rooms called HALT .
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
It came up in a meeting I went to last week, and for me it's the "angry" part that seems to be able to get me the most. Just being aware of these triggers is progress for me, and it sure helps to be able to share where I'm at at a meetin. Sounds like you're doing better. Stay strong!
Jim
Okay, time for me to come back down to planet earth. Actually, what I want to share is something I hear in 12 steps rooms called HALT .
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
It came up in a meeting I went to last week, and for me it's the "angry" part that seems to be able to get me the most. Just being aware of these triggers is progress for me, and it sure helps to be able to share where I'm at at a meetin. Sounds like you're doing better. Stay strong!
Jim
None...........LOL.....Totally agree. I wanted LOTS of pills and was determined NOBODY and NOTHINg was going to stop me. And they didn't. I stopped me. And I didn't have to. And still had plenty of resources. It just got to the point where I made myself so disguisted.
And the work involved was overwhelming. I spent EVERYDAY ordering/seeking, waiting on a delivery and praying no one would be here when it came. Hiding the pills. Hiding my hand going to mouth every hour. Hiding the Visa bill I charged it all on. It was such a chore to maintain. A full time job. At some point I was so TIRED of all the effort it took, that was a huge factor in ME CHOOSING I had had enough. It is such a feeling of freedom not having to deal with all of that anymore. But yes, I miss the warm, fuzzy feeling, the energy.....just hopefully not enough to go back to it.
JR........yep, loved your over-decorated, obstentatious showplace!
Thanks for the help, guys! Have a great Monday! (oxymoron?)
And the work involved was overwhelming. I spent EVERYDAY ordering/seeking, waiting on a delivery and praying no one would be here when it came. Hiding the pills. Hiding my hand going to mouth every hour. Hiding the Visa bill I charged it all on. It was such a chore to maintain. A full time job. At some point I was so TIRED of all the effort it took, that was a huge factor in ME CHOOSING I had had enough. It is such a feeling of freedom not having to deal with all of that anymore. But yes, I miss the warm, fuzzy feeling, the energy.....just hopefully not enough to go back to it.
JR........yep, loved your over-decorated, obstentatious showplace!
Thanks for the help, guys! Have a great Monday! (oxymoron?)
P>S> JR............I'll remember HALT.
I liked this one, too...........
S Son
O of a
B *****
E everythings
R real!
HOW TRUE!
I came back to the board today intending to post about my feelings and my bad day yesterday when I stumbled across this post and thread -- and realized I didn't even have to write because you all just said it all. I was so angry yesterday. I feel so overwhelmed with having so much to do all the time and trying to be perfect and not being able to let go. Mad at having gotten myself into this predicament, mad at my still continuing to take 1 pill (or 1-1/2 pills) a day and knowing I just need to stop altogether. I keep wondering where I can turn for help. Should I go to the evaluation session at The Guidance Center? I saw my counselor last week -- not a lot of help there. I feel like no one really understands or can tell me why I'm so f***ed up. I feel like a failure and a total mess. I feel like everyone needs something from me. We have 3 kids attending the university (in the town we live in) and one lives here. They all come over once a week for dinner and it's just such an effort. I nearly had a breakdown in the grocery store yesterday feeling overwhelmed by little things, such as them being out of one kind of milk and not being able to decide which other kind to get. I just stood there frozen. The weekend is already over and all I did was chores, Christmas shopping, etc. And when I get stressed, I just want a pill.
Maggie.........Your post made me want to laugh........I cried in the grocery store too! Exactly as you said, something wasn't where I wanted it to be, my vision was so foggy, and then I ran into someone who wanted to chat and that was the last thing I could do at the moment. I cried all the way home because I couldn't even handle a basic grocery shopping assignment. I got over it though, and you will, too.
I was very angry Saturday when I started this post, but seem much better Sun. afternoon and today. I hope your days get better, too. The "gloom" and anger seems to have subsided, but I have a sneaky feeling it will be back. In the meanwhile, I am enjoying this day and getting as much done as I can while my mood allows it. Take care.
