I dated a guy who was a drug addict and I've been no contact to move on. He was the one who broke up with me, we also live very far from each other. One day his mom texted me saying his best friend died. I felt very sad about it because I know he was like a brother to him.
A month before that he contacted me saying he was a mess, he relapsed and gambled all of his money. And now that happened...I'm afraid he is going to be even more self-destructive.
His mom texted me on Thursday and she was very nervous. Their house was broken into and some guys stole his cash. It seems like he owed thousands of dollars because he relapsed heavily after the death of his friend. He moved to another state on the same day and he is living with a relative.
His mom told me he is having withdrawals now. Is there anything I can say to help him? We are not dating and he was terrible to me but it makes me sad that he completely destroyed his life.
Nope...nothing ..dance with the dope God ...dance with death...every day... means eventually watching yourself and friends die...longer in...more you lose...price of the game...not all of us make it out to play again
his mom is pulling you into the drama - that you do not want to be in.
she is desperate for help and sees you as a 'good' person to help her son. you need to tell her to go to Alanon, her son to go to NA and live in a sober living home. that is the best start for someone who WANTs to stop abusing drugs/medications. The rest is up to them.
she is desperate for help and sees you as a 'good' person to help her son. you need to tell her to go to Alanon, her son to go to NA and live in a sober living home. that is the best start for someone who WANTs to stop abusing drugs/medications. The rest is up to them.
Thank you!
I wish I could say something to make it easier for him. His mom is desperate yes, she said she just wants her son back.
I wish I could say something to make it easier for him. His mom is desperate yes, she said she just wants her son back.
We are all a bunch of desperate family members and addicts on this board! LOL
Thats why were here, to find answers, and support eachother. If we cant help our addict, maybe our advice can help others. Give the mom this website. We will tell her to stop enabling and give her advice that is meant to be helpful. some of us have been going thru this for 20 years, some of us a few years. We all are better able to function when we stop enabling. It can be difficult depending on the addict.
He needs to feel the joy and pain of being financially independent from others. These are the skills he has been avoiding while addicted. my son is in recovery, had some relapses over two years. he has been to rehab, and sober living, etc - I know he has learned what he needs to know. It is just up to him now. Living away from home has been easier for us. Easier to not enable when he is not under our feet every day.
Unfortunately, my son also lost a best friend this past year - Also like brothers. They had been apart for the past 2 yrs bc my son was living out of state. But the friend was also struggling in addiction. In this world people loose a lot of friends. It is still sad - knowing it could be avoided .
my son also lost his job and apartment within weeks of each other.- but his fault bc he did not pay rent. and was probably acting dumb at work.
he is now living w a relative. he has been clean for about 3 months. which is not a long time. it is just putting on the breaks for a bit. now he has to turn the train around. This process can take a year or longer.
he may come back home, but I think we all know how tense that will be - until he proves he can stay clean on his own.
Good Luck - thanks for posting!
Thats why were here, to find answers, and support eachother. If we cant help our addict, maybe our advice can help others. Give the mom this website. We will tell her to stop enabling and give her advice that is meant to be helpful. some of us have been going thru this for 20 years, some of us a few years. We all are better able to function when we stop enabling. It can be difficult depending on the addict.
He needs to feel the joy and pain of being financially independent from others. These are the skills he has been avoiding while addicted. my son is in recovery, had some relapses over two years. he has been to rehab, and sober living, etc - I know he has learned what he needs to know. It is just up to him now. Living away from home has been easier for us. Easier to not enable when he is not under our feet every day.
Unfortunately, my son also lost a best friend this past year - Also like brothers. They had been apart for the past 2 yrs bc my son was living out of state. But the friend was also struggling in addiction. In this world people loose a lot of friends. It is still sad - knowing it could be avoided .
my son also lost his job and apartment within weeks of each other.- but his fault bc he did not pay rent. and was probably acting dumb at work.
he is now living w a relative. he has been clean for about 3 months. which is not a long time. it is just putting on the breaks for a bit. now he has to turn the train around. This process can take a year or longer.
he may come back home, but I think we all know how tense that will be - until he proves he can stay clean on his own.
Good Luck - thanks for posting!
you are lucky you escaped all that s*** ... dont get involved dont!!!! Leave it be, you can be nice to mum and tell her about this website so she can find here support otherwise do not let their problems become yours! Live your life in happy knowing you had lucky escape
ps; if his mum akses of you favours to help him in any way dont do it pls!
ps; if his mum akses of you favours to help him in any way dont do it pls!
pls listen what we are telling you, its in your best interest .. give her links or addresses for local meetings as already suggested
I'm so sorry for the ones who have sons who are suffering from addiction.
I will take your advice because you know more about addiction than me. His mom asked me for help because she thinks I know him better than her.
I am relieved that he broke up with me months ago because I don't think I could handle all of this...I would have to move to his city and I think that I would be permanently in dangerous because it seems that he gets involved with dangerous ppl to ask for money. It sucks because he makes good money working in construction and he doesn't have anything...
I will take your advice because you know more about addiction than me. His mom asked me for help because she thinks I know him better than her.
I am relieved that he broke up with me months ago because I don't think I could handle all of this...I would have to move to his city and I think that I would be permanently in dangerous because it seems that he gets involved with dangerous ppl to ask for money. It sucks because he makes good money working in construction and he doesn't have anything...
It is sad - many of our children had full time, professional jobs, car, apartment, etc. over a period of time - the addiction gets worse and worse. my son hid it for maybe 4 years. It started in college. the only clue was that he never had money saved from one paycheck to the next. a few years he lived away from home - we thought it was low pay, high rent issues. one year he lived home and still had no money??!!! that was the year we started suspecting something. Then he moved again - going to get life together. then last 2 years struggling w relapse and recovery. for those who can not jump out of it, it becomes a long time struggle. He has lost all of his belongings at least twice. due to living circumstances.
the sad thing is that now he is 27yro, lost several years of working in his profession, and will be starting over at entry level instead of having 5 years of pay and benefits accumulated. addiction keeps some people at ground zero. unfortunately they dont see until they are too old to fix it. And it takes many years to fix.
homelessness, trying to keep a job, keeping his stuff safe - are daily issues.
Stay out of it. and do not let him move in w you or anything like that.
stay out of it from the beginning or they (he and his mom - will suck you in and you will be put in difficult situations and loose a lot of money.
the sad thing is that now he is 27yro, lost several years of working in his profession, and will be starting over at entry level instead of having 5 years of pay and benefits accumulated. addiction keeps some people at ground zero. unfortunately they dont see until they are too old to fix it. And it takes many years to fix.
homelessness, trying to keep a job, keeping his stuff safe - are daily issues.
Stay out of it. and do not let him move in w you or anything like that.
stay out of it from the beginning or they (he and his mom - will suck you in and you will be put in difficult situations and loose a lot of money.
as our Con would say not your monkey not your circus ... absolutely no moving to his city, why in God name would you uproot yourself for old flame.. i bet he wouldn't do any of that for you but I am glad you are reasoning well ... try to distance yourself nicely if she persisting then change your number but dont let "their " problems become yours pls
I am battling addiction and its hard and ugly, trust me you dont want any part of that
I am battling addiction and its hard and ugly, trust me you dont want any part of that
sorry to keep beating a dead issue - if he calls you - dont answer. Once you answer the phone, you will be on the hook for something... If you do answer, be prepared to stay - "no, I cant do that" -- just words to the wise from people who have been there - it is hard for me to say 'no' to my son. Its easier to not have contact. they need us to say NO - they need to feel the pain of their actions - decisions.
It's nice to see how people who are battling addiction would say to me to keep myself away from an addict. I've been in a group on Facebook about addiction and when I posted my story they all told me to distance myself from that situation. That's very nice of them.
I noticed your nickname "NytoFlorida", my ex-bf is from Nyc and he is 26 years old. I live in Europe and I didn't know that in Nyc there is a huge opiates epidemy. It's sad because he has so much potential, and he has a good heart but his head is so messed up.
He never really asked me for anything, like money, etc the few times he contacted me after the breakup was to act silly and saying stupid things. There was a time he contacted me saying he broke up with because of his addiction and because his head is all f***ed up.
I noticed your nickname "NytoFlorida", my ex-bf is from Nyc and he is 26 years old. I live in Europe and I didn't know that in Nyc there is a huge opiates epidemy. It's sad because he has so much potential, and he has a good heart but his head is so messed up.
He never really asked me for anything, like money, etc the few times he contacted me after the breakup was to act silly and saying stupid things. There was a time he contacted me saying he broke up with because of his addiction and because his head is all f***ed up.
I'm in Europe. ..might say a bit of an epidemic here too...
We all want our sons back, but it has to be them that wants their life back! We can wish all we want, but until the addict wants to change nothing will change!
Sadly waiting for that change to happen--
Lori
Sadly waiting for that change to happen--
Lori
He randomly sent me a picture of his p****..?! I don't understand what's going on with him.
Drugs will make you do weird and crazy things! Ignore and move on! You can't fix this--
Lori
Lori
haaha - acting silly and stupid again. do not respond. he does not expect a response. just being 'silly' . probably thought it was funny at the moment. he probably did not think about it again after sending it. it is a shame, drugs distort their reality. they think they are acting fine, cool, better than everyone else..
Yes, it's so annoying. He also said he was sober for 8 days but he is acting retarded.
I'm sorry that your ex's mother is trying to pull you into their drama. Even though you are not together, I'm sure it is hard to say you won't help her when you can undoubtedly hear the angst in her voice.
The one thing that you said that really jumped out at me was that your ex was horrible to you! You deserve to be treated with love and respect! Active addiction can absolutely make us (I am an addict in recovery for a bit over three years) angry, cranky, short-tempered and easily agitated. We often lash out at the ones we love and trample all over their feelings and boundries. Though our drug use can explain why we are treating our loved ones like, for a lack of better word, crap, it DOES NOT excuse our abusive and obnoxious behavior. We are 100% responsible for our behavior AND our drug abuse! It is all on us!
Do NOT even answer his calls. There is a brilliant poster (as in someone who writes posts, not the over sized pictures that you hang on walls! lol) on here named Constantine and she sums it up with a wonderful quote! She says "not my monkey, not my circus!" You do not want to buy popcorn and pull up a front row seat this trainwreck!! Count your blessings that you got out before the poop hit the fan!!!
I can tell that you have a very kind heart! Unfortunately, there is NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, that you can say or do that will make him seek recovery! There is also nothing you can do or say that can make him `use drugs. You have absolutely no power over his addiction!. The only thing you have any control over is yourself and how much or how little you allow yourself to get sucked into his drug-induced nightmare!
If his mother contacts you again, I would just tell her that you are sorry for what she is going through and, perhaps mention a few resources that she might find helpful such as this website and/or Al-Anon or Nar-anon, which can help her understand his addiction and perhaps CoDA(co-dependents anonymous) where she can learn to stop enabling him and learn to detatch with love. Hopefully she will be able to divorce herself from the rollercoaster of his addiction!
Good luck with everything! Thank God you were able to get out before you had a starring role in this tragic drama!
The one thing that you said that really jumped out at me was that your ex was horrible to you! You deserve to be treated with love and respect! Active addiction can absolutely make us (I am an addict in recovery for a bit over three years) angry, cranky, short-tempered and easily agitated. We often lash out at the ones we love and trample all over their feelings and boundries. Though our drug use can explain why we are treating our loved ones like, for a lack of better word, crap, it DOES NOT excuse our abusive and obnoxious behavior. We are 100% responsible for our behavior AND our drug abuse! It is all on us!
Do NOT even answer his calls. There is a brilliant poster (as in someone who writes posts, not the over sized pictures that you hang on walls! lol) on here named Constantine and she sums it up with a wonderful quote! She says "not my monkey, not my circus!" You do not want to buy popcorn and pull up a front row seat this trainwreck!! Count your blessings that you got out before the poop hit the fan!!!
I can tell that you have a very kind heart! Unfortunately, there is NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, that you can say or do that will make him seek recovery! There is also nothing you can do or say that can make him `use drugs. You have absolutely no power over his addiction!. The only thing you have any control over is yourself and how much or how little you allow yourself to get sucked into his drug-induced nightmare!
If his mother contacts you again, I would just tell her that you are sorry for what she is going through and, perhaps mention a few resources that she might find helpful such as this website and/or Al-Anon or Nar-anon, which can help her understand his addiction and perhaps CoDA(co-dependents anonymous) where she can learn to stop enabling him and learn to detatch with love. Hopefully she will be able to divorce herself from the rollercoaster of his addiction!
Good luck with everything! Thank God you were able to get out before you had a starring role in this tragic drama!
So very well said, Lolle!!!!
Mary . . .All I can say after what Lolle so eloquently wrote is . . . ditto!!! I concur 1000% with her!
Be strong & stay away from this trauma & drama,
Lynn
(PS You know I love Con's monkey & show. Now I've got a new one . . .I love it, Lolle . . .buy popcorn . . .front row seat. . .time to plagarize again!!!! Such a great description!!!!)
Mary . . .All I can say after what Lolle so eloquently wrote is . . . ditto!!! I concur 1000% with her!
Be strong & stay away from this trauma & drama,
Lynn
(PS You know I love Con's monkey & show. Now I've got a new one . . .I love it, Lolle . . .buy popcorn . . .front row seat. . .time to plagarize again!!!! Such a great description!!!!)
