What Is A "dry Drunk?"

Alcohol
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This is from the SOS content:

QUOTE
The phrase "dry drunk" has two significant words for the alcoholic. "Dry" refers to the abstinence from drinking, whereas "drunk" signifies a deeply pathological condition resulting from the use of alcohol in the past. Taken together these words suggest intoxication without alcohol. Since intoxication comes from the Greek word for poison, "dry drunk" implies a state of mind and a mode of behavior that are poisonous to the alcoholic's well being.

OBVIOUS TRAITS Persons experiencing a full-blown DRY DRUNK are, for that period, removed from the world of sobriety; they fail, for whatever reason, to accept the necessary conditions for sober living. Their mental and emotional homes are chaotic, their approach to everyday living is unrealistic, and their behavior, both verbal and physical, is unacceptable.

This lack of sober realism manifests itself in many ways.

1. Grandiosity, put very simply, is an exaggeration of one's own importance. This can be demonstrated either in terms of one's strengths or weaknesses. In either case it is blatantly self- seeking or self-serving, putting oneself at the center of attention, from the "big me" who has ask the answers to the "poor me" whose cup of self-pity runneth over and wants all of our attention.

2. Judgmentalism is mutually related to grandiosity. It means that the alcoholic is prone to make value judgments - strikingly inappropriate evaluations - usually in terms of "goodness" or "badness".

3. Intolerance leaves no room for delaying the gratification of personal desires. This is accomplished by gross confusion of priorities with the result that a mere whim or passing fancy is mistakenly given more importance than genuine personal needs.

4. Impulsivity is the result of intolerance or the lack of ability to delay gratification of personal desires. Impulsivity describes behavior which is heedless of the ultimate consequence for self or others.

5. Indecisiveness is related to impulsitivity in the sense that while the latter takes no realistic account of the consequences of the actions, the former precludes effective action altogether. Indecisiveness stems from an unrealistic exaggeration of the negative possibilities of the action ; so one wavers between two or more possible courses of action, more times than not- nothing gets done.
These conditions, grandiosity, judgmentalism, intolerance ,impulsivity, and indecisiveness taken separately or together can lead to the following: a) Mood swings, which are unrelated to the circumstances to which one tries to link them. Alcoholics zero in on what they want others to think is the cause of the mood swing, when it isn't that at all. More often than not it is something much deeper than the reason given. Inversely it can also be something totally insignificant with no substance at all (e.g. the sugar is too sweet or the donut is too round). Any excuse will do. b) Unable to demonstrate emotions freely, naturally and without constraint. No emotional spontaneity, no genuine spark. c) Introspection. A very healthy thing to do is difficult if not impossible for the "dry drunk". It means to look inward to one's examining each thought and desire, which is linked directly to one's attitude. d) Detachment. Become aloof, display indifference, don't care one way or the other, no special likes or dislikes, they withdraw. e) Self-absorption- with a tendency to call attention to whatever they have attained. Narcissism which is quite simply self-love. They become pompous asses. f) The inability to appreciate or enjoy themselves - nothing satisfies. g) Evidence of disorganization, is easily distracted, complains of boredom, and nothing seems to fit. h) A nostalgia sets in, a kind of wistful yearning for something of the past, such as freedom from care associated (falsely) with drinking, bars, drinking associates, and friends; the music, blue lights, and tinkle of the ice cubes in a glass in the neighborhood saloon. i) There can be a kind of romanticism, which includes unrealistic valuations of lifestyles and character traits which can be and usually are objectively dangerous to one's sobriety. j) Escapism. Fantasizing, daydreaming, and wishful thinking are very much in evidence in the dry drunk syndrome as the individual slips farther and farther from reality.

Since the abnormality of the alcoholic's attitudes and behavior during the drinking career is generally recognized, the persistence or these character traits after stopping drinking (or the reappearance after an interlude of sobriety) is equally abnormal.

The term "dry drunk" therefore denotes the absences of favorable change in the attitudes and behavior of the alcoholic who is not drinking, or the reversion of these by the alcoholic who has experienced a period of successful sobriety. From these conditions, it is to be inferred that the alcoholic is experiencing discomfort in life.

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I like to look at a "Dry Drunk" in this way: What do you call a drunken horse thief without the alcohol? A horse thief.
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Yeah, well, there's always that, too...
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True story

A guy came into AA and after awhile was managing to stay sober and it comes out at a meeting that the reason he wants to stay sober is because when he is drunk he gets caught doing robberies.....and when he is sober he doesnt....

I never heard the outcome and i hope he is still sober and the only thing he is taking is others E.S.H

light and love zac
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Zac like most of us alcoholics I think the biggest thing he have robbed is himself of precious time and memories and self respect.
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Pirate,
You DO understand that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous IS the 12 Step Program, right? The steps are in sequence for a reason, and are there to help alcoholics DEAL and reconcile those feelings of guilt, shame, resentment and fear. For those who choose sobriety and choose the AA way of life, they find out after their journey that they've been given a "Guide to Living," that apparently is a secret. If it weren't, there wouldn't be NEARLY the amount of sick people there are in our world.
Keep The Promises as your inspiration. They are, in fact, PROMISES. Where else in life are you GUARANTEED a result?
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Hi skg. Yes I do know about the 12 steps. I must admit I am a bit confused over how to do them actually. There are no meetings to attend here but I do have a sponsor that I keep in touch with by telephone and internet.He assures me he will help me do them all. I also have the BB and the daily reflections. I have done number 1 i guess by admitting that I am powerless over alcohol. I still don't like the word alcoholic . I rather call myself a problem drinker. It don't sound so morbid to me but my sponsor says that is something else I have to work on because I have to admit what I am. I guess my perception of an alcoholic is one who is out on the streets with the booze in the paper bag. Although my sponsor tells me you can hit skid row in your own living room which i basically did 3 weeks ago. I am also in an addiction program. I have to travel there because it is out of town.(I go every second week) In the meantime I go to a mental health nurse here where I live ( I live in a small remote town away from all centers where help is available. )That is why I find this site so helpful.It's like a life line for me. I am doing really well considering how I was not that long ago. My family is proud of my progress and is very supportive. I thank you so much for all your imput and support and every day I look forward to going on this site. It has helped me stay sober . It is getting easier for me and I am starting to feel a freedom that I have never felt before. I am learning to live a life without alcohol but I have a lot of work to do before I can say I actually like myself. I guess that will come with time. I never expected to stay sober this long but I have so that gives me hope .Take care skg God bless and be safe.
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:I do have a sponsor that I keep in touch with by telephone and internet.
Okay--good for you. He'll help you with The Steps, then. It's important to have someone you can see Face-2-Face from time to time.

:I have done number 1 i guess by admitting that I am powerless over alcohol. I still don't like the word alcoholic .
Would you prefer, "Drunk?" "Addict?" What would you like the program to change for you? That's what my Sponsor said to me--kinda jolted me a bit, too. The term, "Alcoholic," is a perception problem that you'll get to work through. I'd rather be a recovering alcoholic than a dead practicing one, that I can tell you of MY druthers... :) Don't let semantics get in your way--you'll see why later on.

:that is something else I have to work on because I have to admit what I am. I guess my perception of an alcoholic is one who is out on the streets with the booze in the paper bag.
Looks like you've answered your own question. Step #1 is the ONLY step you need to get 100% right: HONESTY. It's the foundation of the journey you're about to get underway and it's one of the toughest to come to grips with. But there it is: If you don't believe it, go out and do some more research--tell me what you find out when you come back...

Addiction to drink, or drugs, or other people (AlAnons), or whatever is but a SYMPTOM of what is killing us.

:site so helpful.It's like a life line for me.
If you'll look back over the posts (you can sort them by personality if you want) you'll be able to track MY journey, VWGirl's, and many others who rely HEAVILY on this medium to share our Experience, Strength, and Hope (and in the beginning, fears and shortcomings). If it works, WORK IT.

:I am doing really well considering how I was not that long ago.
Yes you are. There's much to do, though. When I rest on my laurels I quickly realize that my 24 Hours is up and I need to start again. If you stick with The Program you'll realize the Promises.

My e-mail's on my website which is on my profile if you have Step Questions. Just let me know in the Subject block that you're from ARG...

It works if YOU work it...



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Hi Pirate,

QUOTE
I still don't like the word alcoholic


It took a long time before I could use the "a" word in reference to myself. I realize now that an alcoholic isn't someone under a bridge with a bottle in a paper bag, but rather someone that tries to escape from themselves with alcohol. As soon as I realized this then I had to admit that I am an alcoholic. That's exactly what I did, tried to escape from parts of myself that I didn't like.

I'm getting better at liking myself, but I still have a long way to go. I'm glad to hear that you are making progress, keep it up!

one day at a time, Cookster
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Pirate
I think many of us went into AA or recovery with that perception of the alcoholic as the guy living under a bridge drinking metho out of a paperbag.

Of course there are some alcoholics like that - but for the majority that's just not the case.

I think this is where not having access to AA meetings is hard for you because you are not hearing the variety of stories and meeting the variety of people that all fall under the heading of "alcoholics"

Many alcoholics, are married, have children, have jobs and on the outside may seem perfectly normal (unless you are in their inner circle).

May I suggest you search this message board and look for the old "picture" threads, many of us have posted photos of ourselves on there. Have a look through those pictures - and maybe you will see that some very ordinary and respectable looking people - are alcoholics.

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Heard something good at an AA meeting and thought I'd throw it in here, "if I am really working the program, it works, and I've yet to prove that wrong......." I loved hearing that today!
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QUOTE

With a tick tock rhythm and a bump for the drop,
And then I bumped up. I took the hit I was given,
Then I bumped again,
And then I bumped again....

From "Semi Charmed Kind of Life," by Third Eye Blind


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bump
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Bump for Ruth
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hey thanks for that skg good stuff food for thought for the weekend
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Bump for Hiyer
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Wow! I was reading this and wondering "Pirate, what the hell happened?" then I looked at the date. Sheesh. Don't scare me like that. <G>
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Actually those symptoms are a pretty good summary of what's in the DSM IV around the Personality Disorder diagnostics, and the so-called "dry drunk" is probably quite often someone who has gone through the steps but whose defence mechanisms continue to prevent them doing anything much but cope with, rather than heal, their emotional problems.

The research shows that around 40% of alcoholics would receive a diagnosis of Personality disordered, and so God knows what percentage would be struggling with those defences and resulting symptoms without actually being SO troubled as to receive a full blown diagnosis.60%? 80%?

In the UK you can get free professional counselling for drug and alcohol problems from your local NHS Drug and Alcohol Action Teams, and professional help will enable you to deal with the underlying problems. If you're able to find the courage to dig deep and find out what's REALLY going on.

Read lots, ask lots, discover lots. If you can read you can learn. Information is power and the internet is an amazing weapon in the fight for freedom.

Martin
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and the so-called "dry drunk" is probably quite often someone who has gone through the steps but whose defence mechanisms continue to prevent them doing anything much but cope with, rather than heal, their emotional problems.

Actually, from what I've seen, the dry-drunk is someone who hasn't gone through the steps, the one that thinks I can do this on my own without your help and won't reach out and ask for help. A dry-drunk is usually so wrapped up in grandiose sense of being, full of inflated ego and pride that is guaranteed to take them back out into active addiction/alcoholism.

I was a dry drunk, that description above was me and it just about killed me. I found the relief when I got honest with God, myself and another human being. The relief came after I completed the first 3 steps and then got rigorously honest doing my 4th step and sharing all of it with my sponsor during my 5th step.

It truly is an amazing process and program, one I wish everyone could embrace as it leads to a new way living, a spiritual way of living, skyrocketed into the 4th dimension is what the Big book promises...

For those of you following along at home, the program is free and there are hundreds of people willing to help expecting nothing in return, absolutely selfless people just wanting to help by sharing their ESH and helping you learn how to live sober, one day at a time.
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I am new but have done 3 steps now and am working on 4. I have started to make amends so I guesss I have touched on 5.

Cannot be done alone.

Any help with working on step 5 ? Long list of course.

Kaz from oz