It's kind of funny. I just wanted to quit due to the money. Then I found out it wasn't that easy.But I still figured if I detoxed this crap from my system, it would be easy. Now I continue to make these "deals" with myself when to kick it. I actually came to this site to understand how I could detox. Now as I read and am really thinking about how bad I've become, I can't stop crying.(Yet I still am popping my pills just the same) I really believed my body was addicted, not me. I can finally admit I really am a drug addict(and that was very difficult to say and none of you even know me) I'm really curious at what got any of you to really get there, you know quit the pills? I swear I never thought this was that big of deal until recently when a special and dear friend asked if I had ever considered rehab.
Anyway, just curious
LAP
p.s. I love this site-you guys are really cool!!!!
hello lap -
although i understand your irony, it wasn't too funny when i made the decision to quit. ya see - this is a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease - yep this addiction sure is. i use to make those "deals" with myself too - those "deals" are nothing more than rational-lies and oh so cunning. ;)
the baffling part was my insanity - doing the same thing over and over again (using/abusing drugs) and expecting a different more positive outcome each time i used.
the powerful part came into play when i woke from a coma that i had been in after an unintentional overdose. i don't suppose that it would matter much what my intentions were had i physically died - do you? i woke tethered to a cot in a cell - my room - at an intensive care psychiatric unit. i had lost it all and dang near lost my life. i realized i needed to empower myself through recovery.
when the pain of the consequences of my behavior became too severe to live with, it was then and only then that i surrendered to the thought that this gig (being addicted) was up.
the good news is - there is a solution.
hey lap - thanks for letting me share. great topic!
namaste'
sammy
although i understand your irony, it wasn't too funny when i made the decision to quit. ya see - this is a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease - yep this addiction sure is. i use to make those "deals" with myself too - those "deals" are nothing more than rational-lies and oh so cunning. ;)
the baffling part was my insanity - doing the same thing over and over again (using/abusing drugs) and expecting a different more positive outcome each time i used.
the powerful part came into play when i woke from a coma that i had been in after an unintentional overdose. i don't suppose that it would matter much what my intentions were had i physically died - do you? i woke tethered to a cot in a cell - my room - at an intensive care psychiatric unit. i had lost it all and dang near lost my life. i realized i needed to empower myself through recovery.
when the pain of the consequences of my behavior became too severe to live with, it was then and only then that i surrendered to the thought that this gig (being addicted) was up.
the good news is - there is a solution.
hey lap - thanks for letting me share. great topic!
namaste'
sammy
Sammy,
That's scary! and I don't plan on that but then again I never planned on this either.Then what? you got so scared you just quit? Do you still have to fight the cravings? Thanks for responding. I've been waiting to just chat with someone. Love
LAP
That's scary! and I don't plan on that but then again I never planned on this either.Then what? you got so scared you just quit? Do you still have to fight the cravings? Thanks for responding. I've been waiting to just chat with someone. Love
LAP
LAP;
For me it was the fear of losing my family. I recently got caught by my wife using again (3rd time in 3 years), and draining $$$ using credit cards and my 401K. I'm so lucky I didn't get tossed out on the street! Usually it's 3 strikes and you're out.
So given the choice (drugs or family) there really was no choice for me. I've been clean just over a month now, and as tough as it's been I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.
The reason I'm confident I'll stay clean this time is simple - I'm working a plan of recovery, with NA as my primary source of support. I didn't do this before. I got clean and soon relapsed. Not now. I finally realized that I can't do this alone. Putting my ego aside and getting honest will do wonders for the human soul.
I pray that you too will find peace in recovery soon. It's the best gift you can give yourself.
Take care;
Jim
For me it was the fear of losing my family. I recently got caught by my wife using again (3rd time in 3 years), and draining $$$ using credit cards and my 401K. I'm so lucky I didn't get tossed out on the street! Usually it's 3 strikes and you're out.
So given the choice (drugs or family) there really was no choice for me. I've been clean just over a month now, and as tough as it's been I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.
The reason I'm confident I'll stay clean this time is simple - I'm working a plan of recovery, with NA as my primary source of support. I didn't do this before. I got clean and soon relapsed. Not now. I finally realized that I can't do this alone. Putting my ego aside and getting honest will do wonders for the human soul.
I pray that you too will find peace in recovery soon. It's the best gift you can give yourself.
Take care;
Jim
Dear Lap, I knew for a long time I was addicted. What got me was being so tired of waking up each morning of my life with pills being my first thought. Before I even opened my eyes! Plentiful supply-good day, none-nightmare day of seeking, a few-worried over tommorrow. What insanity! Not to mention the expense. I was reasonably functional for the most part, kept up my responsibilities, but the battle in my head just sucked. Peace of mind is nice. Life doesn't just get all nice cause we quit, we have to constantly work at recovery, we have to learn how to deal with things we used pills to deal with before, but all in all......it's worth it. You feel better after awhile too. You find energy to do things that isn't wrapped up in a pill. You also feel pride in an accomplishment. You did something tough, but you did it for yourself. Good luck to you. Much love, Kat
I finally decided to quit because the drugs ceased to numb the pain of my daily existence. My life was out of control--every aspect of it, including finances, but also relationships, family, work, to name of few of the main ones. It was either escalate my drug use (again) or seek a solution.
I had a relationship that ended crushingly and it seemed like my world fell apart. Around this same time, I attended a wedding and while stoked on drugs I behaved obnoxiously and literally got blown off by every friend I had in the world. I was completely devastated emotionally and unlike other set backs I had had in my life, it seemed that I simply could not recover. I had alienated myself from my family years earlier and there was no way I could turn to them for help.
I turned inward and my drug use took on an entirely new importance to me. Whereas in the past, I often had used in a social context, now I slid into isolation and despair. I used because it was the only salve that could make the hurting go away.
I stayed in this holding pattern for a couple of years. The end came for me when the drugs ceased to work. Slowly, the pain, despair, and self-loathing that I had run from for so long began breaking through the insulation of the drugs. I was in a deep depression. I built up protective walls that allowed no one in. Slowly, on the inside, I was dying. I felt surrounded by darkness and decay and I had no way out.
As my slide into darkness and depression worsened, I realized that I was at the end of the line that it was over for me. I had no friends and no hope of anything other than a hopeless slide into insanity and poverty. It was easy for me to see that I was only a quick step away from losing my job, then my house, and then I would be one of those pathetic homeless people you see on the streets.
I gave up. I was desperate--so desperate that I was willing to listen to suggestions offerred and to follow them to the best of my drug addled ability.
That was 15 years ago.
Nothing changed for me overnight. The first year was not easy. It took a lot of commitment and tons of support recovering addicts. But slowly, life turned from a sour horrible experience to a very rich, good one. My life is much richer today than anything I could have dreamt of on the day that I picked up that white chip.
Good luck.
August
I had a relationship that ended crushingly and it seemed like my world fell apart. Around this same time, I attended a wedding and while stoked on drugs I behaved obnoxiously and literally got blown off by every friend I had in the world. I was completely devastated emotionally and unlike other set backs I had had in my life, it seemed that I simply could not recover. I had alienated myself from my family years earlier and there was no way I could turn to them for help.
I turned inward and my drug use took on an entirely new importance to me. Whereas in the past, I often had used in a social context, now I slid into isolation and despair. I used because it was the only salve that could make the hurting go away.
I stayed in this holding pattern for a couple of years. The end came for me when the drugs ceased to work. Slowly, the pain, despair, and self-loathing that I had run from for so long began breaking through the insulation of the drugs. I was in a deep depression. I built up protective walls that allowed no one in. Slowly, on the inside, I was dying. I felt surrounded by darkness and decay and I had no way out.
As my slide into darkness and depression worsened, I realized that I was at the end of the line that it was over for me. I had no friends and no hope of anything other than a hopeless slide into insanity and poverty. It was easy for me to see that I was only a quick step away from losing my job, then my house, and then I would be one of those pathetic homeless people you see on the streets.
I gave up. I was desperate--so desperate that I was willing to listen to suggestions offerred and to follow them to the best of my drug addled ability.
That was 15 years ago.
Nothing changed for me overnight. The first year was not easy. It took a lot of commitment and tons of support recovering addicts. But slowly, life turned from a sour horrible experience to a very rich, good one. My life is much richer today than anything I could have dreamt of on the day that I picked up that white chip.
Good luck.
August
hiya again lap -
when i realized the gig was up and surrendered, i came to the acceptance that i am addict.
i detoxed inpatient over about a 5 day span (this was after the previous 4 that i had spent in a coma). was discharged from the hospital and you talk about depression! it was all i could do to put one foot in front of the other.
you see - the detox was the easy part. the thought of not living with drugs in my daily regimen of life is what scared the beejeebers out of me. i had to find a way to live life on life's terms without using, because up to this point, my way of dealing with life just wasn't working.
there was no bolt of light that left me awestruck like some people experience. i just came to a point where deep down inside i was finally able to get honest with myself and i humbly asked the God of my understanding for the courage to put one foot in front of the other to do the next right thing.
i needed a whole lot of help in the way of meetings, a sponsor, working the steps, the fellowship of AA/PA/NA, one on one counseling and an intensive outpatient group, after i got clean. i attribute the willingness to do this to this incredible, loving, Power - the most sacred place within my spirit - that enabled me to do so. this Power did for me when i was unable to do for myself.
this is perhaps one of the most awesome things of recovery i have learned - we do recover. we recover from that seemingly hopeless state of mind, body and spirit. and with this recovery the obsession and compulsion to use is lifted. so in a nutshell, the answer to your question about cravings - do they go away - is yes.
here's a little way that i perceive the cravings that i had in a different light other than fear and i hope this helps you. i learned to welcome my cravings, because a craving to me is simply a sign that there is something; some issue that i have not addressed. using was an old way for me to cope with unresolved issues or turmoil i might be experiencing. however, if i don't use - do the next right thing - working a step, talk with my sponsor, sharing at a meeting, sharing at outpatient group, praying, listening, putting into action what i have learned, it passes. when i work through my problems and don't use, my spirit awakes.
now i ask you, how awesome and simple is that?
thank you for writing back to me and thanks again for letting me share.
it works - it really does.
namaste'
sammy
when i realized the gig was up and surrendered, i came to the acceptance that i am addict.
i detoxed inpatient over about a 5 day span (this was after the previous 4 that i had spent in a coma). was discharged from the hospital and you talk about depression! it was all i could do to put one foot in front of the other.
you see - the detox was the easy part. the thought of not living with drugs in my daily regimen of life is what scared the beejeebers out of me. i had to find a way to live life on life's terms without using, because up to this point, my way of dealing with life just wasn't working.
there was no bolt of light that left me awestruck like some people experience. i just came to a point where deep down inside i was finally able to get honest with myself and i humbly asked the God of my understanding for the courage to put one foot in front of the other to do the next right thing.
i needed a whole lot of help in the way of meetings, a sponsor, working the steps, the fellowship of AA/PA/NA, one on one counseling and an intensive outpatient group, after i got clean. i attribute the willingness to do this to this incredible, loving, Power - the most sacred place within my spirit - that enabled me to do so. this Power did for me when i was unable to do for myself.
this is perhaps one of the most awesome things of recovery i have learned - we do recover. we recover from that seemingly hopeless state of mind, body and spirit. and with this recovery the obsession and compulsion to use is lifted. so in a nutshell, the answer to your question about cravings - do they go away - is yes.
here's a little way that i perceive the cravings that i had in a different light other than fear and i hope this helps you. i learned to welcome my cravings, because a craving to me is simply a sign that there is something; some issue that i have not addressed. using was an old way for me to cope with unresolved issues or turmoil i might be experiencing. however, if i don't use - do the next right thing - working a step, talk with my sponsor, sharing at a meeting, sharing at outpatient group, praying, listening, putting into action what i have learned, it passes. when i work through my problems and don't use, my spirit awakes.
now i ask you, how awesome and simple is that?
thank you for writing back to me and thanks again for letting me share.
it works - it really does.
namaste'
sammy
Hi Sammy:
It's great to see you post. I always get something out of your posts. You are a true example of what working the program is all about. I can see that you are living proof that the steps work and the promises do come true for you and me and countless others. Thanks for being you. Thanks for always being there for the newcomer and to stay out of judgement and controversy.
Peace,
rachel
It's great to see you post. I always get something out of your posts. You are a true example of what working the program is all about. I can see that you are living proof that the steps work and the promises do come true for you and me and countless others. Thanks for being you. Thanks for always being there for the newcomer and to stay out of judgement and controversy.
Peace,
rachel
dearest rachel -
your kind words and precious spirit have warmed my soul.
i'm off to beddy bye with a heart filled with gratitude and a smile on my face.
thank you, my friend.
namaste'
sammy
your kind words and precious spirit have warmed my soul.
i'm off to beddy bye with a heart filled with gratitude and a smile on my face.
thank you, my friend.
namaste'
sammy
My words are true my friend. You are what unconditional love is all about. I bet you even practive the 10th step daily! I try so hard to practice a program free from judgement, to try and keep my side of the street clean, make sure my own house is in order ( I know I fall short) and it's people like you who I admire. It shows that you know the true meaning of the program and a 12 step call. Many times I consider this board a 12 step call. Your spirituality shows. I'm gonna stick with you my dear because you are a winner!
Love,
Rach
Love,
Rach
Hi Sammy,
Hope your trip was fun, glad your back. Talk to ya' soon, love ya'.
Take care...................................God bless...........................................Bob
Hope your trip was fun, glad your back. Talk to ya' soon, love ya'.
Take care...................................God bless...........................................Bob
LAP.. I quit because I was afraid I was going to die. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. It was because of the people on this board, kicking my butt and telling me to get over myself that finally pushed me in the right direction and that was back to a 12 step program.
I understand your fear and crying all of the time..I've been there and am still at times, but at least I do it now with love and support from those who truely care about me.
We care about you too.
Cowgirl
I understand your fear and crying all of the time..I've been there and am still at times, but at least I do it now with love and support from those who truely care about me.
We care about you too.
Cowgirl
I just wanted to say your all so great and thats what makes life alittle easier. is people like you all a good nite YSPEARING //////// ;'
;';';';
;';';';
WELL I ALSO GOT TIRED OF DEPENDING ON PILLS FOR EVERTHING,IT SEEMED TO RULE MY LIFE,COULDN'T GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING UNLESS I WAS STONED,THE FINICIAL PART REALLY DIDN'T APPLY BETWEEN ME AND MY WIFES INCOME WE ARE SET PRETTY GOOD,IT WAS MORE OF DEPENDING ON A LITTLE f***IN PILL TO DECIDE EITHER I WAS GOING TO BE ACTIVE TODAY OR LAY AROUND AND DO NONTHING,EVEN THOUGH I TRULEY HAVE PHYSICAL PAIN I WOULD RATHER DEAL WITH THAT THAN THE CRAZY LIFE THAT THOSE f***IN PILLS HAVE TO OFFER,AND BESIDES THAT I GOT MY SEXUAEL DRIVE BACK,NONTHING LIKE WAKEING UP WITH A BONER!!!!!!!!!.....VINNY.
Ok, we got it Vinny..enough with the boner already.
:o)
:o)
It has almost always taken some jarring, denial-lifting event to start me on the abstinence trail, usually getting "caught" in some fashion -- and the fear and extreme shame that followed. This past time was different... although fear was still a big part of what led to my flushing the remainder of the pills down the john one Saturday morning, five months ago. In my experience, although fear and shame are great short-term motivators, they subside remarkably quickly ....and something has to replace them. Gratitude. Personal change. Counseling. Peer support. Reovery programs like NA/AA. All or none of the above, but something substantial. The mental addiction has a tremendously long half-life..... M.
well,
two things really.... my first thoughts of quiting started when I had to start setting my alarm clock to wake up at 310 to take more pills so I didnt wake up sick... then right about the same time I got arrested.. the sound of that big door closing behind you ..... well if that wont at least make you think ...
I got tired of thinking about them all the time watching the clock all the time.... ect..
Teresa
two things really.... my first thoughts of quiting started when I had to start setting my alarm clock to wake up at 310 to take more pills so I didnt wake up sick... then right about the same time I got arrested.. the sound of that big door closing behind you ..... well if that wont at least make you think ...
I got tired of thinking about them all the time watching the clock all the time.... ect..
Teresa
For me it was the realization that despite their name, painkillers dont kill my pain, they merely push it off, I can either deal with it now while i'm young and have time, or I can deal with it when i'm 30 and have the realization that i've wasted half my life.
Josh said: "I can either deal with it now while i'm young and have time, or I can deal with it when I'm 30 and have the realization that i've wasted half my life."
Ouch! lol (speaking for us 40 somethings).
Ouch! lol (speaking for us 40 somethings).
Hi,
Wow, ouch is right! lmao Damn I guess my times almost up huh! lol too funny!
Take care...............................God bless............................................Bob
Wow, ouch is right! lmao Damn I guess my times almost up huh! lol too funny!
Take care...............................God bless............................................Bob
