My neighbor just passed away.We always talked and I really liked her as well as anyone who would meet her.She was probably about 79,80 and a real talker.Non-Jundgemental and had lived in that house since it was built.Her husband passed away awhile back and she was dating a guy that was about 65.I was not a close friend and she has tons of relatives,grandchildren,children, etc.She also had her won bussiness that her brothers shared with her.
I really will miss her.We would talk over the fence almost every day and I always kept a look out for her house when she was out of town.
Im taking her over a plant today that I potted up with some other really nice plants.Im putting a ribbon and card on it.I just got a call from her daughter who asked if I would mind being a pall bearer at the funeral.I felt really weird about it because I thought that was supposed to be done by family members or close friends.I really dont want to do it, but I told her I would if she couldnt find enough fanily or friends to do it.Now,Im feeling guilty because I wanted to pay a visit to her when she was in ICU and never made it up there.I know there isnt a shortage of male relatives.Im feeling really selfish now,too because I dont even own a suit and dont want to go buy one.
What do yall think.Be honest.You cant hurt my feelings.
Tim
Even tho' we've never spoken, thought I'd reply. She sounds like she really thought highly of you-enough so that her family though of you for such an honour. Can ya borrow a suit?
Best,
~Rach
Even tho' we've never spoken, thought I'd reply. She sounds like she really thought highly of you-enough so that her family though of you for such an honour. Can ya borrow a suit?
Best,
~Rach
dear tim~
i would suggest walking away from your computer - turning off your t.v. or radio...anything that could lend distraction to your thoughts and walk into your bedroom - get down on your knees and ask the God of your understanding what He would do in this situation.
i promise you - your answer will come.
love ~
sammy
i would suggest walking away from your computer - turning off your t.v. or radio...anything that could lend distraction to your thoughts and walk into your bedroom - get down on your knees and ask the God of your understanding what He would do in this situation.
i promise you - your answer will come.
love ~
sammy
Tim... she obviously thought very highly of you. If it were me i would borrow a suit or rent a suit. I know that you feel uncomfortable... i would feel that way too... but i think the family knows how much she cared for you. I think once you get there and get thru it you will be really glad you did. I am really sorry you lost such a good friend... Love and God Bless,Bri :)
Tim a few ways to go. Since I despise Federated stores Go into Bloomingdales and purchase a top notch jacket. You dont have to wear a suit. Must use a credit card. Amex the best as it cost bloomingdales a higher % then Visa.
Return it the next day. You have 72 hrs
_________________________________________________________________
Go to a thrift shop you may find something.
Or Just wear the nicest clothes you have.
Were you told you must wear a suit if yes then F bloomingdales and use them as your personal shopping spree.
Return it the next day. You have 72 hrs
_________________________________________________________________
Go to a thrift shop you may find something.
Or Just wear the nicest clothes you have.
Were you told you must wear a suit if yes then F bloomingdales and use them as your personal shopping spree.
PS... i really like what sammy said... try that... your answer will come.
We would talk over the fence almost every day
Tim,
The only people I do that with I would consider family. (Now, anyway. My blood family I don't speak to at all, LOL.) You sound like you're really going to miss her. Non-judgmental is nice in a next-door neighbor.
What do you think is the right thing to do? Sounds like you meant a lot to her. What do you want to do?
An 80 year old chick who dated a guy 15 years her junior? Sounds like she was pretty cool. Personally, I wouldn't mind a 6 foot surfer dude carrying me to my final resting place. Can you rent a suit?
Gina
Tim,
The only people I do that with I would consider family. (Now, anyway. My blood family I don't speak to at all, LOL.) You sound like you're really going to miss her. Non-judgmental is nice in a next-door neighbor.
What do you think is the right thing to do? Sounds like you meant a lot to her. What do you want to do?
An 80 year old chick who dated a guy 15 years her junior? Sounds like she was pretty cool. Personally, I wouldn't mind a 6 foot surfer dude carrying me to my final resting place. Can you rent a suit?
Gina
tim
i can cetainly relate to your dilemma.
placing myself in this circumstance, i would respectfully decline - only because, like you, i haven't owned a suit in quite some time. on short notice it would be tough to come up with one.
i'm sure you'd do it without a second thought if you had a suit - i know i would.
let us know what you decide.
*sdr*
i can cetainly relate to your dilemma.
placing myself in this circumstance, i would respectfully decline - only because, like you, i haven't owned a suit in quite some time. on short notice it would be tough to come up with one.
i'm sure you'd do it without a second thought if you had a suit - i know i would.
let us know what you decide.
*sdr*
Tim,
Its the day after the funeral. You are home with your thoughts and you feel:
A - justified that you turned down the offer since you truly did not have the appropriate attire to wear and you know there were others who could do the job instead. You have no regrets.
B - Upset you did not carry out this task as you know deep down you could have done so. You regret not rising to the occassion.
Speak with God as advised earlier, and together you will come up with the right answer.
Its the day after the funeral. You are home with your thoughts and you feel:
A - justified that you turned down the offer since you truly did not have the appropriate attire to wear and you know there were others who could do the job instead. You have no regrets.
B - Upset you did not carry out this task as you know deep down you could have done so. You regret not rising to the occassion.
Speak with God as advised earlier, and together you will come up with the right answer.
Tim,
I think you already answered your question. You explained exactly how you felt. Your a nice guy and she saw that in you. Your kindness was obviously talked about.
It sounds like you made friend.
If they call you back (because you said you would do it if FAMILY wouldnt, right?) I would graciously accept. Borrow a suit or a nice sweater and go. You already feel bad because you did't go to ICU, you will feel worse if you decline a second time. Nonetheless, even though you don't know anyone there I would go to the funeral regardless.
JMO
I think you already answered your question. You explained exactly how you felt. Your a nice guy and she saw that in you. Your kindness was obviously talked about.
It sounds like you made friend.
If they call you back (because you said you would do it if FAMILY wouldnt, right?) I would graciously accept. Borrow a suit or a nice sweater and go. You already feel bad because you did't go to ICU, you will feel worse if you decline a second time. Nonetheless, even though you don't know anyone there I would go to the funeral regardless.
JMO
Tim,
I understand your reasons for being undecided. I don't think being a pallbearer is something anyone really wants to do, but it sounds like she thought and spoke highly of you if her own daughter called and made the request. If you're feeling bad about not being able to see her before she died, then I'm afraid you might feel bad, moreso, in the long run, if you decide not to do this. Who knows, you might find a sense of closure, by participating in carrying her to her final resting place.
I'm sorry you lost a friend.
DeNae
I understand your reasons for being undecided. I don't think being a pallbearer is something anyone really wants to do, but it sounds like she thought and spoke highly of you if her own daughter called and made the request. If you're feeling bad about not being able to see her before she died, then I'm afraid you might feel bad, moreso, in the long run, if you decide not to do this. Who knows, you might find a sense of closure, by participating in carrying her to her final resting place.
I'm sorry you lost a friend.
DeNae
I think you should go. Is there anyone that you could borrow a suit from? I like the return idea too....I know that is bad, but hey, retail is a rip off anyway.
Kerry
Kerry
Hi there,
Being asked to be a pallbearer is not an obligation, in fact in the lastyear my husband lost both his brothers, and several close friends could not be a pallbearer because it was too emtional for them. They just couldnt do it. We did not think less of them for it.
Show up at the funeral, sayyour goodbyes to her, tell her you are sorry you didnt see her in the hospital, bless her and wish her gods speed. Your presence at the funerl is what is important. Borrow a suit or wear dark respectable clothing and go. You will regret not doing so.
I know you will sort your way through the abundanbce of ifs and shoulds, and do the right thing for you.
Big tight hug,
Ali
Being asked to be a pallbearer is not an obligation, in fact in the lastyear my husband lost both his brothers, and several close friends could not be a pallbearer because it was too emtional for them. They just couldnt do it. We did not think less of them for it.
Show up at the funeral, sayyour goodbyes to her, tell her you are sorry you didnt see her in the hospital, bless her and wish her gods speed. Your presence at the funerl is what is important. Borrow a suit or wear dark respectable clothing and go. You will regret not doing so.
I know you will sort your way through the abundanbce of ifs and shoulds, and do the right thing for you.
Big tight hug,
Ali
I needed to hear everything that was just said to me.everything.You guys were honest and right now Im feeling some pain.
Sammy-I did walk away from my computer,took over a really cool pot filled with white poinsettas,white pansies,varigated ivies,white paperwhites and polka dot plants.I found a card and I wrote"This was a just a rehearsal,Ill see you when the real journey begins".....I will be a pall beraer when her sister calls again,I will go to Foleys.They should have suits for 150.00.Im just a little freaked because I dont know her family and thought they might resent my presence since Im a stranger.Shes the only one I knew.Her daughter just met me the other day.Im just really sad because she was such a nice lady.People like her should live forever.
Sammy-I did walk away from my computer,took over a really cool pot filled with white poinsettas,white pansies,varigated ivies,white paperwhites and polka dot plants.I found a card and I wrote"This was a just a rehearsal,Ill see you when the real journey begins".....I will be a pall beraer when her sister calls again,I will go to Foleys.They should have suits for 150.00.Im just a little freaked because I dont know her family and thought they might resent my presence since Im a stranger.Shes the only one I knew.Her daughter just met me the other day.Im just really sad because she was such a nice lady.People like her should live forever.
Tim,
If you really don't want to do it, then you can respectfully decline. That said, being asked to be a pallbearer is a huge honor. Like dsam said, asking God's intervention may enlighten you.
I hope you find your peace.
Your neighbor sounds as if she was very special, as you are.
Kelly
If you really don't want to do it, then you can respectfully decline. That said, being asked to be a pallbearer is a huge honor. Like dsam said, asking God's intervention may enlighten you.
I hope you find your peace.
Your neighbor sounds as if she was very special, as you are.
Kelly
Tim,
Thats the old negative voice that says thather family would resent you for being there because you are a stranger. They would not, theyeven asked you to be a pallbearer, which is an honor in at by itself, and they wouldnt have done that to a stranger.
The family has obviously heard about the dear "neighborhood boy" and the joy that you gave this woman in your daily conversations over the fence. Old people are often overlooked and under respected in our country, and it sounds like you added joy to her life and took away some lonliness for her once her husband passed on.....
Go, pallbearer or not, your presence would be appreciated. remember she will be watching you from above, and know that you are there.
Big Bear Hug,
Ali
Thats the old negative voice that says thather family would resent you for being there because you are a stranger. They would not, theyeven asked you to be a pallbearer, which is an honor in at by itself, and they wouldnt have done that to a stranger.
The family has obviously heard about the dear "neighborhood boy" and the joy that you gave this woman in your daily conversations over the fence. Old people are often overlooked and under respected in our country, and it sounds like you added joy to her life and took away some lonliness for her once her husband passed on.....
Go, pallbearer or not, your presence would be appreciated. remember she will be watching you from above, and know that you are there.
Big Bear Hug,
Ali
dear tim ~
i don't think it was any coincidence that you chose the color white for your floral arrangement. white is associated with truth, purity, cleansing, healing and protection. it is a good general healing color for the removal of pain and suffering. in the aura it signifies a high level of attainment, a higher level soul incarnate to help others. a higher level of attainment, a higher level soul incarnate to help others...that tim, to me, is the definition of love.
what a beautiful spirit you are!
love ~
sammy
i don't think it was any coincidence that you chose the color white for your floral arrangement. white is associated with truth, purity, cleansing, healing and protection. it is a good general healing color for the removal of pain and suffering. in the aura it signifies a high level of attainment, a higher level soul incarnate to help others. a higher level of attainment, a higher level soul incarnate to help others...that tim, to me, is the definition of love.
what a beautiful spirit you are!
love ~
sammy
Sammy-Man,what a wonderful thing to say to me and an even more insightful thing to know.I just called Foleys and they have a black suit for 165.00.He said it was prettty bottom line but thats cool,I knew it wouldnt be an Armani.As long as the stitches dont start coming out when Im walking I can live with that.
Ali-You are right on.Its that old voice thats always telling me that Im not good enough.
Im actually feeling a lot better.I finnaly let myself just cry and now I cant stop.I may have to try the mirror trick(look in the mirror when your crying and you see how pathetic it looks,and then you start laughing).Its such a sad feeling knowing that this woman is gone.She always had a smile on her face and loved the fact that I surfed.She never made any kind of negative comments about me running away to the beach on days I probably should have been working.It was always "Catch some for me honey"
Ali-You are right on.Its that old voice thats always telling me that Im not good enough.
Im actually feeling a lot better.I finnaly let myself just cry and now I cant stop.I may have to try the mirror trick(look in the mirror when your crying and you see how pathetic it looks,and then you start laughing).Its such a sad feeling knowing that this woman is gone.She always had a smile on her face and loved the fact that I surfed.She never made any kind of negative comments about me running away to the beach on days I probably should have been working.It was always "Catch some for me honey"
Good Job Tim, it is an honor to be asked to be a pallbearer and I am glad that you decided to go for it.
Just think of how good you will feel when its over knowing you did something for someone else. And this is a Big Deal.
