Let me begin by saying my last thread was posted in an obvious fit of denial and spite. So, I apologize for being like that. And, its no surprise that i drank not too long after i posted that thread.
I went to my first meeting last night. It was an older group, so i felt a little uncomfortable, but not too bad. It was very candid, which i didn't really expect. I mean i knew people were going to share their stories and be open, but people were cracking jokes here and there, and everyone seemed to know each other pretty well. I'll say the meeting was crazy only because I saw my parent''s neighbor in there, who i know VERY well, and he's a district judge, directly involved with a case of mine 7 yrs ago. You should have seen his face when i walked in. There was also a janitor whom I'd seen earlier in the day while working and who ive known since she busted me for vandalism in the 7th grade. She came up to me afterwards and spoke with me kindly. I shared a little bit, maybe 30secs, and felt not so out of place by the end. 4 people came up to me and gave me their #''s. I'm meeting the guy i called on the hotline tonight at another meeting.
I will be honest thought; I drank last night after the meeting. I justified my drinking once again by rewarding myself after taking what i thought was a big step. I am not real dejected about drinking last night. Getting a little exposure to AA is all i am setting in front of me. So, I'm not here as an unequivical member of AA, just testing the waters. Sorry if that is not bold enough, but I appreciate the kind words and wise advice from valarie, Pirate, Martin and skg that have helped me i think, get to this point. One of the older guys at the meeting last night said, (in referring to AA) that young people hardly ever stick. We'll see.
Dodsworth
you're not ready yet....
generally you have to be to a point where you're just too beat up, and if you're drinking after a meeting........ you went in for the wrong reason !
might wanna start here !
the big book of A.A
generally you have to be to a point where you're just too beat up, and if you're drinking after a meeting........ you went in for the wrong reason !
might wanna start here !
the big book of A.A
Dodsworth, I went to AA purely because my ex's drinking was driving me insane....I sat in open meetings for about six months recognising her story and pain in the shares and feeling compassion for her before I realised that every bloody share had been about MY emotions, MY insecurities, MY reasons for drinking. It took that long for my denial to start to give, and it this disease is STILL fighting against my acceptance that I need help.
It's not true that everyone has to end up in the gutter before regaining the plot. You're here because you're concerned about what you're doing. You went to AA because you want to stop. Some people need AA to stop, others don't. AA works for millions of good people and it might work for you. By all means give it a try. My experience was similar to yours, a room full of accepting, non-judgemental people who know how to help you and want to do just that.
All that is required is a desire to stop drinking and it's clear that you have that desire. ALl you need is encouragement, support and the right tools. AA can give you all that and for free.
Sounds like a good deal to me.
Keep coming back, take what you like from the posts and leave the rest. And try anything you can to stop drinking before this disease kills you, because it will.
Thank You Martin.
Hey Dodsworth has anyone told you yet? that alcoholism is a disease that tell us we don't have a disease. I think you know that you are an alcoholic but as of yet you are not willing to admit it to yourself and you are the most important person you have to admit it to. You will do that when you are ready. It can't be forced upon you. Took me many years to admit it . I thought because I could do without during the week and just drink on weekends I was fine. then it was Mon ,Tue and Thurs I be sober. than on the last of it. it was neither day. It progressed to where I hit my bottom. Until that time nobody could convince me I had a problem or should I say I could not convince myself. It is only when we are ready to admit we are powerless over alcohol that we can seek the help we need and powerless means not been able to stop drinking once we start. I know how you feel.I know you can't imagine life without booze right now. I know how you need it.I also know there is nothing I can say that will help you think otherwise unless you are ready. I just hope you get honest with yourself before it is too late.
Whether you drink or not after a meeting, just keep coming back. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. Just sit and listen. You'll be surprised at what you'll hear. I was anyway. I never thought I'd get to a point where I would be able to joke and laugh at the things I did while under the influence but everyone there understands.
I'm aware that I'm not resolute about being sober at this point. I'm here to flesh things out, voice my concerns and read posts. If you guys would rather i didn't post because all i seem to post are how Im NOT in recovery, then that is fine, i understand. This is a Recovery Board, so that makes sense.
Regards,
Dodsworth
Regards,
Dodsworth
post away...
personally I think all of us would like to see ya get to the point where ya get some sober time under your belt so ya can share your strengths and weakness's
personally I think all of us would like to see ya get to the point where ya get some sober time under your belt so ya can share your strengths and weakness's
Adam,
There are more people than you think on these boards that aren't sober. As I have seen over the time I have been here many say they are sober and then you get a relapse thread and then you get an admission thread.
You are welcome here regardless if you are sober or not. I know why you are here. You know why you are here. You also know that you are an alcoholic. Maybe you are unable to say it outloud yet but that's okay.
You made a great step last night in going to the meeting. That's awesome pal. Good job and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep working at sobriety. It's not easy but you can do it.
Good job on your great progress and testing out the waters!
Your Friend, Valarie
There are more people than you think on these boards that aren't sober. As I have seen over the time I have been here many say they are sober and then you get a relapse thread and then you get an admission thread.
You are welcome here regardless if you are sober or not. I know why you are here. You know why you are here. You also know that you are an alcoholic. Maybe you are unable to say it outloud yet but that's okay.
You made a great step last night in going to the meeting. That's awesome pal. Good job and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep working at sobriety. It's not easy but you can do it.
Good job on your great progress and testing out the waters!
Your Friend, Valarie
What Kat said...
"Fake it til you make it."
or, "They'll love you until you can love yourself."
Just Keep Going Back--you might make some life-long friendships and who knows, you might not drink.
"Fake it til you make it."
or, "They'll love you until you can love yourself."
Just Keep Going Back--you might make some life-long friendships and who knows, you might not drink.
Hey Dodsworth I wanna see ya keep posting. I am concerned about you. We all want you to get better. Don't take offense to anything that is said to you. everybody has your best interest at heart and if you stay on the board long enough, someday you will see and understand that. Take it easy guy and please keep posting.
Gidday Dodsworth
Keep posting as it does help not only you but me as well
You know why you drink and you have a desire to do something about that...good on you and as i posted in another thread just do whatever you have to in regards to stopping drinking and as the others have said keep hanging around the meetings and listening as it does work and you can pick up some pretty good life tools to help in the journey
light and love Zac
Keep posting as it does help not only you but me as well
You know why you drink and you have a desire to do something about that...good on you and as i posted in another thread just do whatever you have to in regards to stopping drinking and as the others have said keep hanging around the meetings and listening as it does work and you can pick up some pretty good life tools to help in the journey
light and love Zac
HI Dodsworth,
I have been following your story and just wanted to say High. You have been getting really good advice here methinks.
I found my recovery in the rooms of NA and AA. I am an addict of all mind altering substances.
Please don't stop posting about youer journey, but appreciate that for those who have found recovery through whatever way, will want to share that.
I know for myself that the gift of recovery has been beyond my wildest dreams, I never knew life could be so good - clean and sober!
What made me commit to recovery was that eventually the pain of using just got to much. I was so damn desperate when I went to my first meeting that I did not have the space to question, argue, interogate. I just wanted help - desperately. VW Girl always talks of the gift of desperation! I had it! Thank God, it saved my life.
I hope the pain of drinking gets too much for you soon - so that you can begin the journey back to who you really are.
Try and stay sober - just for today.
Most importantly, just keep going to meetings.
take care
Calabash
I have been following your story and just wanted to say High. You have been getting really good advice here methinks.
I found my recovery in the rooms of NA and AA. I am an addict of all mind altering substances.
Please don't stop posting about youer journey, but appreciate that for those who have found recovery through whatever way, will want to share that.
I know for myself that the gift of recovery has been beyond my wildest dreams, I never knew life could be so good - clean and sober!
What made me commit to recovery was that eventually the pain of using just got to much. I was so damn desperate when I went to my first meeting that I did not have the space to question, argue, interogate. I just wanted help - desperately. VW Girl always talks of the gift of desperation! I had it! Thank God, it saved my life.
I hope the pain of drinking gets too much for you soon - so that you can begin the journey back to who you really are.
Try and stay sober - just for today.
Most importantly, just keep going to meetings.
take care
Calabash
Welcome, Calabash.
Thanks for sharing, too. I can relate to the "Addicted to all mind-altering substances" and I've managed to take it even further than that! I can get addicted to getting addicted! Except IV drugs--those will make a person addicted... ~wink~
You're right about the pain. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Among other things, of course. I posted a 'shopping list' of things I didn't like about my life (physically and situationally) probably 9 or 10 months ago and the majority of them were things about how I FELT. I came to realize that pain was the great motivator--and humility goes a long way.
Keep coming back and sharing, please?
Thanks for sharing, too. I can relate to the "Addicted to all mind-altering substances" and I've managed to take it even further than that! I can get addicted to getting addicted! Except IV drugs--those will make a person addicted... ~wink~
You're right about the pain. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Among other things, of course. I posted a 'shopping list' of things I didn't like about my life (physically and situationally) probably 9 or 10 months ago and the majority of them were things about how I FELT. I came to realize that pain was the great motivator--and humility goes a long way.
Keep coming back and sharing, please?
whoever said i need to get some sober time under my belt and then post is exactly right..I just keep posting the same drivel. Im going to my 3rd meeting in 3 days tonight and I am not going to drink tonight. I do appreciate everyone's posts.
Dodsworth
Dodsworth
Dodsworth, that's entirely up to you and if that's what you need to do to help yourself then it's great that you've realised it.
My own experience was that it was only by posting what I was feeling that enabled someone here (Valarie) to help me look at my responses to people on the board here from another perspective, and THAT made me realise I had something wrong with me, with the way I was genuinely thinking and feeling and believing the world to be. If I'd waited until I had sober time before I posted here I'd still be in denial and long gone.
That's MY experience, not anyone else's or yours. There are no rules on this board about who posts when or what. The only rule that counts is that it's your life and you need to find what works for your recovery. Have at it!
Martin
My own experience was that it was only by posting what I was feeling that enabled someone here (Valarie) to help me look at my responses to people on the board here from another perspective, and THAT made me realise I had something wrong with me, with the way I was genuinely thinking and feeling and believing the world to be. If I'd waited until I had sober time before I posted here I'd still be in denial and long gone.
That's MY experience, not anyone else's or yours. There are no rules on this board about who posts when or what. The only rule that counts is that it's your life and you need to find what works for your recovery. Have at it!
Martin
Adam,
You DO NOT have to have more sober time under your belt before you post. Like Kat said, "Fake it til you Make it!". You keep posting pal. We are all here in different stages of our own recovery whether it be...active addiction, recently relapsed or in recovery. We are all in the same boat and we are all here to help eachother. JMHO
Keep plugging along and go to the meetings and KEEP POSTING!
Your Friend, Valarie
You DO NOT have to have more sober time under your belt before you post. Like Kat said, "Fake it til you Make it!". You keep posting pal. We are all here in different stages of our own recovery whether it be...active addiction, recently relapsed or in recovery. We are all in the same boat and we are all here to help eachother. JMHO
Keep plugging along and go to the meetings and KEEP POSTING!
Your Friend, Valarie
I think from your very first post and perhaps even before that you had started recovery. And now look at you progressing faster than many.
Last year I told my favorite alcohol counselor at op re-hab that I was getting ready to get ready. He repeated that with a smile. I think he got it and put it under his hat. He is a recovered Alcoholic from NY, also a member of AA. At that point with just about 20 years of sobriety he didn't attend as much as he once did. It's different for everyone. How often they need, or want to go.
He was 60 years old told us how he earned his BA at 30 and then went back to under graduate school at age 50. I really loved the guy and learned a lot from that big burly man from New York, loved his accent. His boss use to bug me and then I overlooked that and learned to love and respect him to, he was my case mgr. My op re- hab is one of the best things I ever did for me. It's not for everyone though.
Hey you are doing better than me. My second visit, but first meeting to AA 3 1/2 yrs ago I went in drunk, not super drunk. I spoke up and said I've been drinking and I'm sick of it. Normally I would have been quiet. This woman took me out of the meeting and talked with me the whole time and then another one came. They gave me the BB with phone numbers. They insisted in driving me home. Of course I told them hey I'm not that loaded. They didn't want me to get DUI. As one of them had one in the past.
Those two ladies came in the house meant my hubby and poured out the rest of my beer. She asked me if I had any other liquor hidden. I lied and I think she knew. It didn't have much left about a shot or two of vodka. They left I drank it. Then I needed and wanted more. So when the hubby went to bed I left for the bar. Drank and played some video poker. The bartender cut me off. There was this guy passed out when I first arrived on the pool table. Later he was coming to with some coffee.
I convinced the bartender I was an OLCC rep. Told him I was going to report the whole incident if he didn't give me another round. I don't remember every thing I said to him. One of my convincing lines was do you think we under cover agents come in and don't drink observe and are taking notes. Why do you think I can hold so much liquor. This poor fella believed me, another round he served. It wasn't a weak drink either. How about a double shot of vodka and a Heinkein. It talks about in the BB what actors/actresses we are and the world is are stage. I don't know about others, but it sure was mine that night and plenty of others.
I have no idea how I drove home that night. I did have plenty of neighborhood bars close by. I was swerving on the road at 2:30 am. I'm thinking some power greater than my self was watching over me and the other innocent people.
The last year, or two I drank alone at home. I was really getting scared I was going to get busted. Paranoia had set in. After all I might not have been cited for the DUI'S, but I deserved them. I'd had a 2, or 3 rides in the police cars. At your age I wasn't drinking much, but liked weed instead. But when I did drink it was normal for me to get good and drunk.
Glad to see your stepping into action. Thank You, for keeping me sober the other day. I'd been entertaining thoughts of drinking. Luckily I do have some tools to help me now. But you were a gift to me. This is a positive and grateful statement, not a bad one, OK.
Hey my beautiful 20 year old just walked in from college. So I told her about my actress and drinking adventure. She's like Mom. Do you remember what you said to the pizza delivery guy. Thats another story. I was a bad girl.
Have a good day.
Last year I told my favorite alcohol counselor at op re-hab that I was getting ready to get ready. He repeated that with a smile. I think he got it and put it under his hat. He is a recovered Alcoholic from NY, also a member of AA. At that point with just about 20 years of sobriety he didn't attend as much as he once did. It's different for everyone. How often they need, or want to go.
He was 60 years old told us how he earned his BA at 30 and then went back to under graduate school at age 50. I really loved the guy and learned a lot from that big burly man from New York, loved his accent. His boss use to bug me and then I overlooked that and learned to love and respect him to, he was my case mgr. My op re- hab is one of the best things I ever did for me. It's not for everyone though.
Hey you are doing better than me. My second visit, but first meeting to AA 3 1/2 yrs ago I went in drunk, not super drunk. I spoke up and said I've been drinking and I'm sick of it. Normally I would have been quiet. This woman took me out of the meeting and talked with me the whole time and then another one came. They gave me the BB with phone numbers. They insisted in driving me home. Of course I told them hey I'm not that loaded. They didn't want me to get DUI. As one of them had one in the past.
Those two ladies came in the house meant my hubby and poured out the rest of my beer. She asked me if I had any other liquor hidden. I lied and I think she knew. It didn't have much left about a shot or two of vodka. They left I drank it. Then I needed and wanted more. So when the hubby went to bed I left for the bar. Drank and played some video poker. The bartender cut me off. There was this guy passed out when I first arrived on the pool table. Later he was coming to with some coffee.
I convinced the bartender I was an OLCC rep. Told him I was going to report the whole incident if he didn't give me another round. I don't remember every thing I said to him. One of my convincing lines was do you think we under cover agents come in and don't drink observe and are taking notes. Why do you think I can hold so much liquor. This poor fella believed me, another round he served. It wasn't a weak drink either. How about a double shot of vodka and a Heinkein. It talks about in the BB what actors/actresses we are and the world is are stage. I don't know about others, but it sure was mine that night and plenty of others.
I have no idea how I drove home that night. I did have plenty of neighborhood bars close by. I was swerving on the road at 2:30 am. I'm thinking some power greater than my self was watching over me and the other innocent people.
The last year, or two I drank alone at home. I was really getting scared I was going to get busted. Paranoia had set in. After all I might not have been cited for the DUI'S, but I deserved them. I'd had a 2, or 3 rides in the police cars. At your age I wasn't drinking much, but liked weed instead. But when I did drink it was normal for me to get good and drunk.
Glad to see your stepping into action. Thank You, for keeping me sober the other day. I'd been entertaining thoughts of drinking. Luckily I do have some tools to help me now. But you were a gift to me. This is a positive and grateful statement, not a bad one, OK.
Hey my beautiful 20 year old just walked in from college. So I told her about my actress and drinking adventure. She's like Mom. Do you remember what you said to the pizza delivery guy. Thats another story. I was a bad girl.
Have a good day.
" He is a recovered Alcoholic from NY"
no such thing !
no such thing !
Oh yeah and by the way I posted here when I was drunk last year. People from other forums have to from my understanding. No I'm not proud of it! Learning to be more honest. Not letting fear and denial rule me. It takes what it takes. I have to do this one day at a time. I'm an alcoholic. It's natural for me to sometimes think of drinking. My sponsor says she occasionally does to. I thought she was coming up on 12 years, but it will be 11yrs. of sobriety on May 5th for her.
I didn't understand for a while why the new person is so important to another persons sobriety. I do now. Thank You, again for helping me stay sober. I believe you can do this to! Oh it wasn't just you. Other new comers help my sobriety as well as people who have more time. It all helps me if I just get over myself and look for it. Let my HP do his part. For me that takes patience and work.
I didn't understand for a while why the new person is so important to another persons sobriety. I do now. Thank You, again for helping me stay sober. I believe you can do this to! Oh it wasn't just you. Other new comers help my sobriety as well as people who have more time. It all helps me if I just get over myself and look for it. Let my HP do his part. For me that takes patience and work.
