you got it lady m.
i'll email you in a few minutes.
i would be honored to read what you have written.
thank you, for you!
love -
sammy
woooooo hooooooo - i had green lights all the way to work this morning! definitely an indicator to how my day will be! *wink, wink*
today we are going to start on step 2 - our "hope" step. i can remember after completing step 1 feeling wow - i'm powerless over my addiction and my life had clearly become unmanageable - i was befuddled, confused, and thought now what? how on earth do i start to putting it together? overwhelmed with the mess i could see my life had become, i felt such great hope when i read that there was a solution to the insanity i had just recognized.
so here's a little about step 2. as always, i love you guys/gals to pieces and hope you make it the best day ever!
sammy
________
Step Two
"We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
Step One strips us of our illusions about addiction; Step Two gives us hope for recovery. The Second Step tells us that what we found out about our addiction in the First Step is not the end of the story. The pain and insanity with which we have been living are unnecessary, says Step Two. They can be relieved and, in time, we will learn to live without them through working the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous.
The Second Step fills the void we feel when we've finished Step One. As we approach Step Two, we begin to consider that maybe, just maybe, there's a Power greater than ourselves-a Power capable of healing our hurt, calming our confusion, and restoring our sanity.
When we were new in the program, many of us were puzzled by this step's implication that we had been insane. From acknowledging our powerlessness to admitting our "insanity" seemed an awfully large leap. However, after being around the program for a while, we began to understand what this step was really about. We read the Basic Text and found that our insanity was defined there as "repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results." We could certainly relate to that! After all, how many times had we tried to get away with something we had never gotten away with before, each time telling ourselves, "It will be different this time." Now, that's insane! As we live the principles of this step for many years, we discover how deep our insanity actually runs; we often find that the Basic Text definition just scratches the surface.
Some of us resisted this step because we thought it required us to be religious. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, in the NA program that requires a member to be religious. The idea that "anyone may join us, regardless of... religion or lack of religion" is fiercely defended by our fellowship. Our members strive to be inclusive in this regard and do not tolerate anything that compromises the unconditional right of all addicts to develop their own individual understanding of a Power greater than themselves. This is a spiritual, not religious, program.
The beauty of the Second Step is revealed when we begin to think about what our Higher Power can be. We are encouraged to choose a Power that is loving, caring, and-most importantly - able to restore us to sanity. The Second Step does not say, "We came to believe in a Power greater than ourselves." It says, "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." The emphasis is not on who or what this Power is, but on what this Power can do for us. The group itself certainly qualifies as a Power greater than ourselves. So do the spiritual principles contained in the Twelve Steps. And, of course, so does the understanding any one of our individual members has of a Higher Power. As we stay clean and continue to work this step, we discover that no matter how long our addiction has gone on and how far our insanity has progressed, there's no limit to the ability of a Power greater than ourselves to restore our sanity.
Hope
The hope we get from working Step Two replaces the desperation with which we came into the program. Every time we had followed what we'd thought would be a path out of our addiction - medicine, religion, or psychiatry, for instance - we found they only took us so far; none of these was sufficient for us. As we ran out of options and exhausted our resources, we wondered if we'd ever find a solution to our dilemma, if there were anything in the world that worked. In fact, we may have been slightly suspicious when we first came to Narcotics Anonymous, wondering if this was just another method that wouldn't work, or that wouldn't work well enough for us to make a difference.
However, something remarkable occurred to us as we sat in our first few meetings. There were other addicts there who had used drugs just as we had, addicts who were now clean. We believed in them. We knew we could trust them. They knew the places we'd been to in our addiction-not just the using hangouts, not just the geographic locations, but the hangouts of horror and despair our spirits had visited each time we'd used. The recovering addicts we met in NA knew those places as well as we did because they had been there themselves.
It was when we realized that these other members - addicts like ourselves - were staying clean and finding freedom that most of us first experienced the feeling of hope. We may have been standing with a group of members after a meeting. We may have been listening to someone share a story just like our own. Most of us can recall that moment, even years later -and that moment comes to all of us.
Our hope is renewed throughout our recovery. Each time something new is revealed to us about our disease, the pain of that realization is accompanied by a surge of hope. No matter how painful the process of demolishing our denial may be, something else is being restored in its place within us. Even if we don't feel like we believe in anything, we do believe in the program. We believe that we can be restored to sanity, even in the most hopeless times, even in our sickest areas.
==> What do I have hope about today?
today we are going to start on step 2 - our "hope" step. i can remember after completing step 1 feeling wow - i'm powerless over my addiction and my life had clearly become unmanageable - i was befuddled, confused, and thought now what? how on earth do i start to putting it together? overwhelmed with the mess i could see my life had become, i felt such great hope when i read that there was a solution to the insanity i had just recognized.
so here's a little about step 2. as always, i love you guys/gals to pieces and hope you make it the best day ever!
sammy
________
Step Two
"We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
Step One strips us of our illusions about addiction; Step Two gives us hope for recovery. The Second Step tells us that what we found out about our addiction in the First Step is not the end of the story. The pain and insanity with which we have been living are unnecessary, says Step Two. They can be relieved and, in time, we will learn to live without them through working the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous.
The Second Step fills the void we feel when we've finished Step One. As we approach Step Two, we begin to consider that maybe, just maybe, there's a Power greater than ourselves-a Power capable of healing our hurt, calming our confusion, and restoring our sanity.
When we were new in the program, many of us were puzzled by this step's implication that we had been insane. From acknowledging our powerlessness to admitting our "insanity" seemed an awfully large leap. However, after being around the program for a while, we began to understand what this step was really about. We read the Basic Text and found that our insanity was defined there as "repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results." We could certainly relate to that! After all, how many times had we tried to get away with something we had never gotten away with before, each time telling ourselves, "It will be different this time." Now, that's insane! As we live the principles of this step for many years, we discover how deep our insanity actually runs; we often find that the Basic Text definition just scratches the surface.
Some of us resisted this step because we thought it required us to be religious. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, in the NA program that requires a member to be religious. The idea that "anyone may join us, regardless of... religion or lack of religion" is fiercely defended by our fellowship. Our members strive to be inclusive in this regard and do not tolerate anything that compromises the unconditional right of all addicts to develop their own individual understanding of a Power greater than themselves. This is a spiritual, not religious, program.
The beauty of the Second Step is revealed when we begin to think about what our Higher Power can be. We are encouraged to choose a Power that is loving, caring, and-most importantly - able to restore us to sanity. The Second Step does not say, "We came to believe in a Power greater than ourselves." It says, "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." The emphasis is not on who or what this Power is, but on what this Power can do for us. The group itself certainly qualifies as a Power greater than ourselves. So do the spiritual principles contained in the Twelve Steps. And, of course, so does the understanding any one of our individual members has of a Higher Power. As we stay clean and continue to work this step, we discover that no matter how long our addiction has gone on and how far our insanity has progressed, there's no limit to the ability of a Power greater than ourselves to restore our sanity.
Hope
The hope we get from working Step Two replaces the desperation with which we came into the program. Every time we had followed what we'd thought would be a path out of our addiction - medicine, religion, or psychiatry, for instance - we found they only took us so far; none of these was sufficient for us. As we ran out of options and exhausted our resources, we wondered if we'd ever find a solution to our dilemma, if there were anything in the world that worked. In fact, we may have been slightly suspicious when we first came to Narcotics Anonymous, wondering if this was just another method that wouldn't work, or that wouldn't work well enough for us to make a difference.
However, something remarkable occurred to us as we sat in our first few meetings. There were other addicts there who had used drugs just as we had, addicts who were now clean. We believed in them. We knew we could trust them. They knew the places we'd been to in our addiction-not just the using hangouts, not just the geographic locations, but the hangouts of horror and despair our spirits had visited each time we'd used. The recovering addicts we met in NA knew those places as well as we did because they had been there themselves.
It was when we realized that these other members - addicts like ourselves - were staying clean and finding freedom that most of us first experienced the feeling of hope. We may have been standing with a group of members after a meeting. We may have been listening to someone share a story just like our own. Most of us can recall that moment, even years later -and that moment comes to all of us.
Our hope is renewed throughout our recovery. Each time something new is revealed to us about our disease, the pain of that realization is accompanied by a surge of hope. No matter how painful the process of demolishing our denial may be, something else is being restored in its place within us. Even if we don't feel like we believe in anything, we do believe in the program. We believe that we can be restored to sanity, even in the most hopeless times, even in our sickest areas.
==> What do I have hope about today?
Dear Sammy,
Green lights are definately the way to go!
Thankyou for todays posting. It makes taking in that first meeting not so scary. Todays post has inspired me to seek that first meeting tonight. I am no longer afraid nor ashamed that I am a drug addict .I am and I need to find a better way to stay clean.
Thankyou to all of you who have posted advocating the 12 steps, it has not been in vein. I love you all for this
Your friend and sister,
Nancy
Green lights are definately the way to go!
Thankyou for todays posting. It makes taking in that first meeting not so scary. Todays post has inspired me to seek that first meeting tonight. I am no longer afraid nor ashamed that I am a drug addict .I am and I need to find a better way to stay clean.
Thankyou to all of you who have posted advocating the 12 steps, it has not been in vein. I love you all for this
Your friend and sister,
Nancy
oh wow, nancy!
please, please come back and let us know what you thought. i remember the first few times i went to a meeting - i drove up and down the street about 6 or 7 times before i could muster the nerve to pull into the parking lot. i was so terrified - thought i would throw up if someone passed a topic to me to share. :o
i'm so proud of you! i promise you, the longer you don't use and hang around the rooms, the more will be revealed. you go girl! it's so exciting to me to see/sense/feel your spirit awake!
love ya -
sammy
please, please come back and let us know what you thought. i remember the first few times i went to a meeting - i drove up and down the street about 6 or 7 times before i could muster the nerve to pull into the parking lot. i was so terrified - thought i would throw up if someone passed a topic to me to share. :o
i'm so proud of you! i promise you, the longer you don't use and hang around the rooms, the more will be revealed. you go girl! it's so exciting to me to see/sense/feel your spirit awake!
love ya -
sammy
i didn't realize i wasn't logged in.
the last several guest post were from me, sammy.
woooo hoooo!
the last several guest post were from me, sammy.
woooo hoooo!
i, too do not have a problem admitting that i am a drug addict now although it was difficult for me in the past to say those words. counselling helped me come to grips with feeling comfortable uttering those two words. it has been over two months for me that i haven't used any drugs and i am finding that i feel rather "blah" now. i am committed to the fact that i do not want to use however i am just going through the motions of each day without a "zest". any suggestions or comments as to why i feel this way now? thanks for any insights.
every morning, i get my cup of coffee and come to this site to read messages which are a true inspiration for me. you all are a part of my life now! god bless...
good mornin'! i'm listening to james brown sing, "i feel good!" wowsaaaaa! *wink, wink*
step 2 continued -
______
Insanity
If we have any doubts about the need for a renewal of sanity in our lives, we're going to have trouble with this step. Reviewing our First Step should help us if we're having doubts. Now is the time to take a good look at our insanity.
==> Did I believe I could control my using? What were some of my experiences with this, and how were my efforts unsuccessful?
==> What things did I do that I can hardly believe I did when I look back at them? Did I put myself in dangerous situations to get drugs? Did I behave in ways of which I'm now ashamed? What were those situations like?
==> Did I make insane decisions as a result of my addiction? Did I quit jobs, leave friendships and other relationships, or give up on achieving other goals for no reason other than that those things interfered with my using?
==> Did I ever physically injure myself or someone else in my addiction?
Insanity is a loss of our perspective and our sense of proportion. For example, we may think that our personal problems are more important than anyone else's; in fact, we may not even be able to consider other people's needs at all. Small problems become major catastrophes. Our lives get out of balance. Some obvious examples of insane thinking are the belief that we can stay clean on our own, or the belief that using drugs was our only problem and that everything is fine now just because we're clean. In Narcotics Anonymous, insanity is often described as the belief that we can take something outside ourselves-drugs1 power, sex, food-to fix what's wrong inside ourselves: our feelings.
==> How have I overreacted or underreacted to things? How has my life been out of balance?
==> In what ways does my insanity tell me that things outside myself can make me whole or solve all my problems? Using drugs? Compulsive gambling, eating, or sex seeking? Something else?
==> Is part of my insanity the belief that the symptom of my addiction (using drugs or some other manifestation) is my only problem?
If we've been clean for a while, we may find that a whole new level of denial is making it difficult to see the insanity in our lives. Just as we did in the beginning of our recovery, we need to become familiar with the ways in which we have been insane. Many of us have found that our understanding of insanity goes further than the definition of insanity in the Basic Text. We make the same mistakes over and over again, even when we're fully aware of what the results will be. Perhaps we're hurting so bad that we don't care about the consequences, or we figure that acting on an obsession will somehow be worth the price.
==> When we've acted on an obsession, even though we knew what the results would be, what were we feeling and thinking beforehand? What made us go ahead?
step 2 continued -
______
Insanity
If we have any doubts about the need for a renewal of sanity in our lives, we're going to have trouble with this step. Reviewing our First Step should help us if we're having doubts. Now is the time to take a good look at our insanity.
==> Did I believe I could control my using? What were some of my experiences with this, and how were my efforts unsuccessful?
==> What things did I do that I can hardly believe I did when I look back at them? Did I put myself in dangerous situations to get drugs? Did I behave in ways of which I'm now ashamed? What were those situations like?
==> Did I make insane decisions as a result of my addiction? Did I quit jobs, leave friendships and other relationships, or give up on achieving other goals for no reason other than that those things interfered with my using?
==> Did I ever physically injure myself or someone else in my addiction?
Insanity is a loss of our perspective and our sense of proportion. For example, we may think that our personal problems are more important than anyone else's; in fact, we may not even be able to consider other people's needs at all. Small problems become major catastrophes. Our lives get out of balance. Some obvious examples of insane thinking are the belief that we can stay clean on our own, or the belief that using drugs was our only problem and that everything is fine now just because we're clean. In Narcotics Anonymous, insanity is often described as the belief that we can take something outside ourselves-drugs1 power, sex, food-to fix what's wrong inside ourselves: our feelings.
==> How have I overreacted or underreacted to things? How has my life been out of balance?
==> In what ways does my insanity tell me that things outside myself can make me whole or solve all my problems? Using drugs? Compulsive gambling, eating, or sex seeking? Something else?
==> Is part of my insanity the belief that the symptom of my addiction (using drugs or some other manifestation) is my only problem?
If we've been clean for a while, we may find that a whole new level of denial is making it difficult to see the insanity in our lives. Just as we did in the beginning of our recovery, we need to become familiar with the ways in which we have been insane. Many of us have found that our understanding of insanity goes further than the definition of insanity in the Basic Text. We make the same mistakes over and over again, even when we're fully aware of what the results will be. Perhaps we're hurting so bad that we don't care about the consequences, or we figure that acting on an obsession will somehow be worth the price.
==> When we've acted on an obsession, even though we knew what the results would be, what were we feeling and thinking beforehand? What made us go ahead?
i, too do not have a problem admitting that i am a drug addict now although it was difficult for me in the past to say those words. counselling helped me come to grips with feeling comfortable uttering those two words. it has been over two months for me that i haven't used any drugs and i am finding that i feel rather "blah" now. i am committed to the fact that i do not want to use however i am just going through the motions of each day without a "zest". any suggestions or comments as to why i feel this way now? thanks for any insights.
every morning, i get my cup of coffee and come to this site to read messages which are a true inspiration for me. you all are a part of my life now! god bless...
mornin' jeepster -
i too did not have a problem admitting my addiction. my problem came with taking the action that i needed to change those old habits, old ways of coping, and finding out what it was and why i thought it necessary to rely on something outside of myself to live life on life terms. counseling is a great way that helps us get in touch with those reasons why and what - those feelings that we numbed for so long. i found counseling extremely helpful and it worked as a wonderful adjunct to the other avenues of recovery that i chose.
there's something else that comes to mind - i remember putting some very unrealistic expectations on myself in early recovery. after i hit 90 days, i guess i stepped off that proverbial "pink cloud" and i didn't like what was i seeing. i was impatient and didn't understand that i had abused drugs for a long time - i didn't realize that i was suffering from post acute withdrawal syndrome and that physically, i wasn't going to recover overnight (or 90 days for that much). what i learned is that these in between stages are ok to be in. i don't have to react on my feelings and can just let it be. i'm not sure i could appreciate the highlights of my life, without appreciating those times that i perceive as low. and these low times can also be a sign that i needed to take further action.
the bottom line is that life is short, and change is choice. we can either hang on to destructive patterns that don't work, or go through a brief period of discomfort that finally allows us the joy of growing up.
in an unpredictable world, i hope i never lose the ability to be grateful for what i have. i hope i don't make the mistake of noticing only what's missing. i need to remember to count my blessings! and keep putting one foot in front of the other to move forward.
today, i am so grateful for you jeep. you just coming here and putting it out so honestly like you did, gives me great hope. it tells me you are putting one foot in front of the other to move forward and if you can do that, so can i.
my heart thanks you, for you!
sammy
every morning, i get my cup of coffee and come to this site to read messages which are a true inspiration for me. you all are a part of my life now! god bless...
mornin' jeepster -
i too did not have a problem admitting my addiction. my problem came with taking the action that i needed to change those old habits, old ways of coping, and finding out what it was and why i thought it necessary to rely on something outside of myself to live life on life terms. counseling is a great way that helps us get in touch with those reasons why and what - those feelings that we numbed for so long. i found counseling extremely helpful and it worked as a wonderful adjunct to the other avenues of recovery that i chose.
there's something else that comes to mind - i remember putting some very unrealistic expectations on myself in early recovery. after i hit 90 days, i guess i stepped off that proverbial "pink cloud" and i didn't like what was i seeing. i was impatient and didn't understand that i had abused drugs for a long time - i didn't realize that i was suffering from post acute withdrawal syndrome and that physically, i wasn't going to recover overnight (or 90 days for that much). what i learned is that these in between stages are ok to be in. i don't have to react on my feelings and can just let it be. i'm not sure i could appreciate the highlights of my life, without appreciating those times that i perceive as low. and these low times can also be a sign that i needed to take further action.
the bottom line is that life is short, and change is choice. we can either hang on to destructive patterns that don't work, or go through a brief period of discomfort that finally allows us the joy of growing up.
in an unpredictable world, i hope i never lose the ability to be grateful for what i have. i hope i don't make the mistake of noticing only what's missing. i need to remember to count my blessings! and keep putting one foot in front of the other to move forward.
today, i am so grateful for you jeep. you just coming here and putting it out so honestly like you did, gives me great hope. it tells me you are putting one foot in front of the other to move forward and if you can do that, so can i.
my heart thanks you, for you!
sammy
step 2 continued - believe me when i say, this is the step where hope is infused into our hearts. i dunno, but it appears to me that the longer i hang around and don't use - just try to do the next right thing, more is revealed!
good mornin' - i love you guys/gals to pieces!
sammy
________________________________
Coming to believe
The discussion above provided several reasons why we may have trouble with this step.
There may be others. It's important for us to identify and overcome any barriers that could prevent us from coming to believe.
==> Do I have any fears about coming to believe? What are they?
==> Do I have any other barriers that make it difficult for me to believe? What are they?
==> What does the phrase, "We came to believe...," mean to me?
As addicts, we're prone to wanting everything to happen instantly. But it's important to remember that Step Two is a process, not an event. Most of us don't just wake up one day and know that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. We gradually grow into this belief. Still, we don't have to just sit back and wait for our belief to grow on its own; we can help it along.
==> Have I ever believed in anything for which I didn't have tangible evidence? What was that experience like?
==> What experiences have I heard other recovering addicts share about the process of coming to believe? Have I tried any of them in my life?
In what do I believe?
==> How has my belief grown since I've been in recovery?
A Power greater than ourselves
Each one us comes to recovery with a whole history of life experiences. That history will determine to a large degree the kind of understanding we develop of a Power greater than ourselves. In this step, we don't have to have a lot of specific ideas about the nature or identity of that Higher Power. That sort of understanding will come later. The kind of understanding of a Higher Power that's most important to find in the Second Step is an understanding that can help us. We're not concerned here with theological elegance or doctrinal adherence - we just want something that works.
How powerful does a Power greater than ourselves have to be? The answer to that question is simple. Our addiction as a negative power was, without a doubt, greater than we were. Our addiction led us down a path of insanity and caused us to act differently than we wanted to behave. We need something to combat that, something at least as powerful as our addiction.
==> Do I have problems accepting that there is a power or powers greater than myself?
==> What are some things that are more powerful than I am?
==> Can a Power greater than myself help me stay clean? How?
==> Can a Power greater than I am help me recover? How?
Some of us may have a very clear idea about the nature of a Power greater than ourselves, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, Step Two is the point at which many of us begin to form our first practical ideas about a Power greater than ourselves, if we haven't already. Many addicts have found it helpful to identify what a Power greater than ourselves is not before identifying what it is. In addition, looking at what a Power greater than ourselves can do for us may help us begin to discover more about that Power.
There are many, many understandings of a Power greater than ourselves that we can develop. We can think of it as the power of spiritual principles, the power of the NA Fellowship, "Good Orderly Direction," or anything else of which we can conceive, as long as it is loving and caring and more powerful than we are. As a matter of fact, we don't have to have any understanding at all of a Power greater than ourselves to be able to use that Power to stay clean and seek recovery.
==> What evidence do I have that a Higher Power is working in my life?
==> What are the characteristics my Higher Power does not have?
==> What are the characteristics my Higher Power has?
good mornin' - i love you guys/gals to pieces!
sammy
________________________________
Coming to believe
The discussion above provided several reasons why we may have trouble with this step.
There may be others. It's important for us to identify and overcome any barriers that could prevent us from coming to believe.
==> Do I have any fears about coming to believe? What are they?
==> Do I have any other barriers that make it difficult for me to believe? What are they?
==> What does the phrase, "We came to believe...," mean to me?
As addicts, we're prone to wanting everything to happen instantly. But it's important to remember that Step Two is a process, not an event. Most of us don't just wake up one day and know that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. We gradually grow into this belief. Still, we don't have to just sit back and wait for our belief to grow on its own; we can help it along.
==> Have I ever believed in anything for which I didn't have tangible evidence? What was that experience like?
==> What experiences have I heard other recovering addicts share about the process of coming to believe? Have I tried any of them in my life?
In what do I believe?
==> How has my belief grown since I've been in recovery?
A Power greater than ourselves
Each one us comes to recovery with a whole history of life experiences. That history will determine to a large degree the kind of understanding we develop of a Power greater than ourselves. In this step, we don't have to have a lot of specific ideas about the nature or identity of that Higher Power. That sort of understanding will come later. The kind of understanding of a Higher Power that's most important to find in the Second Step is an understanding that can help us. We're not concerned here with theological elegance or doctrinal adherence - we just want something that works.
How powerful does a Power greater than ourselves have to be? The answer to that question is simple. Our addiction as a negative power was, without a doubt, greater than we were. Our addiction led us down a path of insanity and caused us to act differently than we wanted to behave. We need something to combat that, something at least as powerful as our addiction.
==> Do I have problems accepting that there is a power or powers greater than myself?
==> What are some things that are more powerful than I am?
==> Can a Power greater than myself help me stay clean? How?
==> Can a Power greater than I am help me recover? How?
Some of us may have a very clear idea about the nature of a Power greater than ourselves, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, Step Two is the point at which many of us begin to form our first practical ideas about a Power greater than ourselves, if we haven't already. Many addicts have found it helpful to identify what a Power greater than ourselves is not before identifying what it is. In addition, looking at what a Power greater than ourselves can do for us may help us begin to discover more about that Power.
There are many, many understandings of a Power greater than ourselves that we can develop. We can think of it as the power of spiritual principles, the power of the NA Fellowship, "Good Orderly Direction," or anything else of which we can conceive, as long as it is loving and caring and more powerful than we are. As a matter of fact, we don't have to have any understanding at all of a Power greater than ourselves to be able to use that Power to stay clean and seek recovery.
==> What evidence do I have that a Higher Power is working in my life?
==> What are the characteristics my Higher Power does not have?
==> What are the characteristics my Higher Power has?
SMOOOOOOCHHHHH Sammy! How are you today? I am sort of having a rough one today. Steve and I went to therapy this morning, and I feel so tired. Why is it when you go in and lay it bare, it drains you so badly. I just feel raw today. I learn something about my husband and my self today though. We are both trying too hard to understand what the other is feeling instead of focusing on how WE feel. We are not mind readers, and if we can not even TELL each other what we are feeling for ourselves, how can we understand the others feelings. Whew....that was deep....sigh. Did you even get what I was saying??? I am not sure I do...lol. Anyways, I thank you for the next part of the step work. I do not know if we will be working on it tonight, we have joined a bowling league and it starts tonight. It is the first time I get to bowl in a league since I was hurt almost five years ago, and I am excited and scared. I will talk to ya later, I hope your day is a good one, God Bless Sammy, and I love ya!
Huggles
Lady M
Huggles
Lady M
Dear Sammy,
I did it! I want to my first meeting tonight. I was so bummed out the other night because I couldn't get out of my night school class in time to go. And although I was a little late tonight, ( night school again, different subject ) I decided I wasn't going to let you, (Bob, August, Sharon, Adam,Bish,LM, PM, and everyone else who has encouraged me to try a meeting,) down, so I said to myself just go, just go in, and if I interupt anyone, I will just apologize. So......I took a breath, and went in. The world didn't stop, and neither did the meeting. Found a seat, got a little more relaxed once I stopped feeling out of place, and listened. (No hampster stories tonight lol ) At the end everybody gathered in a circle an said a verse ( which I need to learn ) and the meeting was over. Thats when I approached the guy who was doing the coffee and asked if I could buy a NA book. Turns out he was the man to ask. Got one ( $16.00 CAN ) He looked to me and said, "Come-on back" with a smile, and I said, " I will". He made me feel welcome. Its too soon to make any judgements, but I know that I'm going to
go back. There might just be something there for me.
Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you and thank you, and everyone for your kind words of encouragement. tonight I'm going to start reading the book. I have to find a really special bookmarker cause I think I'll be reading alot.
I hope this brings a little zest back into your life, that is, knowing that you helped me on this journey in my life. Stay strong, for you bring hope to many.
Your e-sister'
Nancy
I love you guys/gals too.
I did it! I want to my first meeting tonight. I was so bummed out the other night because I couldn't get out of my night school class in time to go. And although I was a little late tonight, ( night school again, different subject ) I decided I wasn't going to let you, (Bob, August, Sharon, Adam,Bish,LM, PM, and everyone else who has encouraged me to try a meeting,) down, so I said to myself just go, just go in, and if I interupt anyone, I will just apologize. So......I took a breath, and went in. The world didn't stop, and neither did the meeting. Found a seat, got a little more relaxed once I stopped feeling out of place, and listened. (No hampster stories tonight lol ) At the end everybody gathered in a circle an said a verse ( which I need to learn ) and the meeting was over. Thats when I approached the guy who was doing the coffee and asked if I could buy a NA book. Turns out he was the man to ask. Got one ( $16.00 CAN ) He looked to me and said, "Come-on back" with a smile, and I said, " I will". He made me feel welcome. Its too soon to make any judgements, but I know that I'm going to
go back. There might just be something there for me.
Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you and thank you, and everyone for your kind words of encouragement. tonight I'm going to start reading the book. I have to find a really special bookmarker cause I think I'll be reading alot.
I hope this brings a little zest back into your life, that is, knowing that you helped me on this journey in my life. Stay strong, for you bring hope to many.
Your e-sister'
Nancy
I love you guys/gals too.
dear sammy-
again, thanks for your words of encouragement. i try so hard to focus in on what is positive in my life however my "nature" is one to find fault or so i am now finding out. i believe that i look at the glass "half empty" instead of "half full". trust me when i tell you that i am trying to change but every now and then, i slip back into my old ways. my husband is a very optomistic person who is always grateful for what he has. isn't he a lucky fellow? in any event, i hope that this "low, blah" period will help me to appreciate all of the wonderful things in my life. after having two children, i do know that all stages pass and a new one enters into play. i am looking forward to a new phase so that i can feel good about this interesting, rocky journey that i am on. sometimes, i feel sorry for myself that i chose to take this road, which could have led to destruction. i guess i should be thankful that my recovery is underway...
i wish that you were here right now to chat with me over coffee! your words are amazingly helpful to so many people!
love you- jeep
again, thanks for your words of encouragement. i try so hard to focus in on what is positive in my life however my "nature" is one to find fault or so i am now finding out. i believe that i look at the glass "half empty" instead of "half full". trust me when i tell you that i am trying to change but every now and then, i slip back into my old ways. my husband is a very optomistic person who is always grateful for what he has. isn't he a lucky fellow? in any event, i hope that this "low, blah" period will help me to appreciate all of the wonderful things in my life. after having two children, i do know that all stages pass and a new one enters into play. i am looking forward to a new phase so that i can feel good about this interesting, rocky journey that i am on. sometimes, i feel sorry for myself that i chose to take this road, which could have led to destruction. i guess i should be thankful that my recovery is underway...
i wish that you were here right now to chat with me over coffee! your words are amazingly helpful to so many people!
love you- jeep
mornin' carrie -
i understand precisely what you are saying and it makes sense!
ya know, when i came to recovery, i didn't have a clue as to who i was, why i did the things i did. and why should i? for years, i remained in a state of numbness - numbing all the emotions i experienced. not only did i numb those that were uncomfortable, i numbed myself when things were great. it took me a long time to get in touch with who i was, why i was feeling what i did. and until i could get in touch with my own feelings and find a more healthful way to deal with them, it was difficult to tune into the needs of others. i had not inspected what expected and the expectations i put on myself early on in recovery, were a little too high for me to attain with what i had learned. this is why recovery is a life long process and not just some event or cleaning up and thinking that we are now ok. take a deep breath, my friend - you are on the brink of unraveling some of that ball of yarn that has been woven so tightly around your truth. i'm excited for you for what you are about to reveal.
so tell me about the bowling game. did you have fun? what did you score?
i love ya -
sammy
i understand precisely what you are saying and it makes sense!
ya know, when i came to recovery, i didn't have a clue as to who i was, why i did the things i did. and why should i? for years, i remained in a state of numbness - numbing all the emotions i experienced. not only did i numb those that were uncomfortable, i numbed myself when things were great. it took me a long time to get in touch with who i was, why i was feeling what i did. and until i could get in touch with my own feelings and find a more healthful way to deal with them, it was difficult to tune into the needs of others. i had not inspected what expected and the expectations i put on myself early on in recovery, were a little too high for me to attain with what i had learned. this is why recovery is a life long process and not just some event or cleaning up and thinking that we are now ok. take a deep breath, my friend - you are on the brink of unraveling some of that ball of yarn that has been woven so tightly around your truth. i'm excited for you for what you are about to reveal.
so tell me about the bowling game. did you have fun? what did you score?
i love ya -
sammy
(((((nancy)))))
look at you go! grow! glow!
gosh, that is so neat to hear. i remember when i first started attending meetings, i was scared beyond scared to enter the rooms and don't you dare pass a topic to me to share on - i might say the wrong thing and sound stupid - and you might not like me if say something that i perceive as stupid. once again, with time, i was able to see the miracle unfold, as my perception shifted. yes it shifted from that fear based to love and ya know nancy, i needed a whole lot of support for this to happen. i found that support in meetings with this incredible fellowship of others in recovery. i found the solution to all my problems by working the steps.
will you come back and share about the next meeting you attend, with me? this is too cool! i feel your spirit is awakening and you have no idea the amount of hope you have given me today.
thank you -
sammy
look at you go! grow! glow!
gosh, that is so neat to hear. i remember when i first started attending meetings, i was scared beyond scared to enter the rooms and don't you dare pass a topic to me to share on - i might say the wrong thing and sound stupid - and you might not like me if say something that i perceive as stupid. once again, with time, i was able to see the miracle unfold, as my perception shifted. yes it shifted from that fear based to love and ya know nancy, i needed a whole lot of support for this to happen. i found that support in meetings with this incredible fellowship of others in recovery. i found the solution to all my problems by working the steps.
will you come back and share about the next meeting you attend, with me? this is too cool! i feel your spirit is awakening and you have no idea the amount of hope you have given me today.
thank you -
sammy
hiya jeepster -
what kind of coffee are we drinking this morning?
i do enjoy a good cup of coffee and to share a conversation with you, would only make it more palatable.
you know jeepster, i am of the firm belief that we will know when the time is right to move forward. i don't know about you, but i have found that when i have had enough of living/thinking a certain way, i will find the means to change it. until i do, accepting my situation as a place where i am merely suppose to be, helps.
i can only suggest that you take all the time you need until you are ready to change whatever it is that is bothering you. it will happen and please know that i and many others here "trudge" with you during this in between time and when you make the decision to try something new.
it was a wonderful day when i awoke to the thought that i am no longer alone.
love to you -
sammy
what kind of coffee are we drinking this morning?
i do enjoy a good cup of coffee and to share a conversation with you, would only make it more palatable.
you know jeepster, i am of the firm belief that we will know when the time is right to move forward. i don't know about you, but i have found that when i have had enough of living/thinking a certain way, i will find the means to change it. until i do, accepting my situation as a place where i am merely suppose to be, helps.
i can only suggest that you take all the time you need until you are ready to change whatever it is that is bothering you. it will happen and please know that i and many others here "trudge" with you during this in between time and when you make the decision to try something new.
it was a wonderful day when i awoke to the thought that i am no longer alone.
love to you -
sammy
step 2 - continued
___________
Restoration to sanity
It Works: How and Why defines the term "restoration" as "changing to a point where addiction and its accompanying insanity are not controlling our lives."
We find that just as our insanity was evident in our loss of perspective and sense of proportion, so we can see sanity in our lives when we begin developing a perspective that allows us to make better decisions. We find that we have choices about how to act. We begin to have the maturity and wisdom to slow down and consider all aspects of a situation before acting.
Naturally, our lives will change. Most of us have no trouble identifying the sanity in our lives when we compare our using with our early recovery, our early recovery with some time clean, and some time clean with long-term recovery. All of this is a process, and our need for a restoration to sanity will change over time.
When we're new in the program, being restored to sanity probably means not having to use anymore; when that happens, perhaps some of the insanity that is directly and obviously tied to our using will stop. We'll quit committing crimes to get drugs. We'll cease putting ourselves in certain degrading situations that serve no purpose but our using.
If we've been in recovery for some time, we may find that we have no trouble believing in a Power greater than ourselves that can help us stay clean, but we may not have considered what a restoration to sanity means to us beyond staying clean. As we grow in our recovery, it's very important that our idea of the meaning of "sanity" also grows.
==> What are some things I consider examples of sanity?
==> What changes in my thinking and behavior are necessary for my restoration to sanity? In what areas of my life do I need sanity now?
==> How is restoration a process?
==> How will working the rest of the steps help me in my restoration to sanity?
==> How has sanity already been restored to me in my recovery?
Some of us may have unrealistic expectations about being restored to sanity. We may think that we'll never get angry again or that, as soon as we start to work this step, we will behave perfectly all the time and have no more trouble with obsessions, emotional turmoil, or imbalance in our lives. This description may seem extreme, but if we find ourselves disappointed with our personal growth in recovery or the amount of time it takes to be "restored to sanity," we may recognize some of our beliefs in this description. Most of us have found that we gain the most serenity by letting go of any expectations we may have about how our recovery is progressing.
==> What expectations do I have about being restored to sanity? Are they realistic, or unrealistic?
==> Are my realistic expectations about how my recovery is progressing being met or not? Do I understand that recovery happens over time, not overnight?
==> Finding ourselves able to act sanely, even once, in a situation with which we were never able to deal successfully before is evidence of sanity.
==> Have I had any experiences like that in my recovery? What were they?
___________
Restoration to sanity
It Works: How and Why defines the term "restoration" as "changing to a point where addiction and its accompanying insanity are not controlling our lives."
We find that just as our insanity was evident in our loss of perspective and sense of proportion, so we can see sanity in our lives when we begin developing a perspective that allows us to make better decisions. We find that we have choices about how to act. We begin to have the maturity and wisdom to slow down and consider all aspects of a situation before acting.
Naturally, our lives will change. Most of us have no trouble identifying the sanity in our lives when we compare our using with our early recovery, our early recovery with some time clean, and some time clean with long-term recovery. All of this is a process, and our need for a restoration to sanity will change over time.
When we're new in the program, being restored to sanity probably means not having to use anymore; when that happens, perhaps some of the insanity that is directly and obviously tied to our using will stop. We'll quit committing crimes to get drugs. We'll cease putting ourselves in certain degrading situations that serve no purpose but our using.
If we've been in recovery for some time, we may find that we have no trouble believing in a Power greater than ourselves that can help us stay clean, but we may not have considered what a restoration to sanity means to us beyond staying clean. As we grow in our recovery, it's very important that our idea of the meaning of "sanity" also grows.
==> What are some things I consider examples of sanity?
==> What changes in my thinking and behavior are necessary for my restoration to sanity? In what areas of my life do I need sanity now?
==> How is restoration a process?
==> How will working the rest of the steps help me in my restoration to sanity?
==> How has sanity already been restored to me in my recovery?
Some of us may have unrealistic expectations about being restored to sanity. We may think that we'll never get angry again or that, as soon as we start to work this step, we will behave perfectly all the time and have no more trouble with obsessions, emotional turmoil, or imbalance in our lives. This description may seem extreme, but if we find ourselves disappointed with our personal growth in recovery or the amount of time it takes to be "restored to sanity," we may recognize some of our beliefs in this description. Most of us have found that we gain the most serenity by letting go of any expectations we may have about how our recovery is progressing.
==> What expectations do I have about being restored to sanity? Are they realistic, or unrealistic?
==> Are my realistic expectations about how my recovery is progressing being met or not? Do I understand that recovery happens over time, not overnight?
==> Finding ourselves able to act sanely, even once, in a situation with which we were never able to deal successfully before is evidence of sanity.
==> Have I had any experiences like that in my recovery? What were they?
*giggling* I bowled sooooo fantastic. I picked up my bowling ball for the first time in four years, and bowled these games......are ya ready???
128
122
85
96
ROTFLMAO.... it was embarrassing, but it was so fun just to be able to roll the ball again. I do not take these things for granted. I just laughed about it, and I was laughing so hard all night, that it ended up being contagious to everyone around me. I had everyone laughing with me, and at me, but that was okay. All that matters is we had the best time. Thanks for asking Sammy, it was a hell of a good time, and a great way to cut loose. I look forward to it every waking moment now.....sigh. I think I am addicted.......ooopps. Now I have another addiction.....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... anyhoo, I love ya! God Bless Sammy,
Huggles
Carrie
128
122
85
96
ROTFLMAO.... it was embarrassing, but it was so fun just to be able to roll the ball again. I do not take these things for granted. I just laughed about it, and I was laughing so hard all night, that it ended up being contagious to everyone around me. I had everyone laughing with me, and at me, but that was okay. All that matters is we had the best time. Thanks for asking Sammy, it was a hell of a good time, and a great way to cut loose. I look forward to it every waking moment now.....sigh. I think I am addicted.......ooopps. Now I have another addiction.....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... anyhoo, I love ya! God Bless Sammy,
Huggles
Carrie
step 2 - conclusion
_________________
Spiritual principles
In the Second Step, we will focus on open-mindedness, willingness, faith, trust, and humility.
The principle of open-mindedness that we find in the Second Step arises from the understanding that we can't recover alone, that we need some kind of help. It continues with opening our minds to believing that help is possible for us. It doesn't matter whether we have any idea of how this Power greater than ourselves is going to help, just that we believe it's possible.
==> Why is having a closed mind harmful to my recovery?
==> How am I demonstrating open-mindedness in my life today?
==> In what ways has my life changed since I've been in recovery? Do I believe more change is possible?
Practicing the principle of willingness in the Second Step may begin simply. At first we may just go to meetings and listen to other recovering addicts share about their experiences with this step. Then we may begin applying what we hear to our own recovery. Of course, we ask our sponsor to guide us.
==> What am I willing to do to be restored to sanity?
==> Is there something I am now willing to do that I was previously unwilling to do? What is it?
We can't just sit back and wait to feel a sense of faith when working Step Two. We have to work at it. One of the suggestions that has worked for many of us is to "act as if" we had faith. This doesn't mean that we should be dishonest with ourselves. We don't need to lie to our sponsor or anyone else about where we are with this step. We're not doing this to sound good or look good. "Acting as if" simply means living as though we believe that what we hope for will happen. In the Second Step, this would mean living as though we expect to be restored to sanity. There are a variety of ways this may work in our individual lives. Many members suggest that we can begin "acting as if" by going to meetings regularly and taking direction from our sponsor.
==> What action have I been taking that demonstrates my faith? How has my faith grown?
==> Have I been able to make plans, having faith that my addiction isn't going to get in the way?
Practicing the principle of trust may require overcoming a sense of fear about the process of being restored to sanity. Even if we've been clean only a short time, we've probably already experienced some emotional pain as we've grown in recovery. We may be afraid that there will be more pain. In one sense, we're right about this: There will be more pain. None of it, however, will be more than we can bear, and none of it has to be borne alone. If we can develop our sense of trust in the process of recovery and in a Power greater than ourselves, we can walk through the painful times in our recovery. We'll know that what's waiting on the other side will be more than just superficial happiness, but a fundamental transformation that will make our lives more satisfying on a deeper level.
==> What fears do I have that are getting in the way of my trust?
==> What do I need to do to let go of these fears?
==> What action am I taking that demonstrates my trust in the process of recovery and a Power greater than myself?
The principle of humility springs from our acknowledgment that there is a Power greater than ourselves. It's a tremendous struggle for most of us to stop relying on our own thinking and begin to ask for help, but when we do, we have begun to practice the principle of humility found in the Second Step.
==> Have I sought help from a Power greater than myself today? How?
==> Have I sought help from my sponsor, gone to meetings, and reached out to other recovering addicts? What were the results?
Moving on
As we get ready to go on to Step Three, we'll want to take a look at what we've gained by working Step Two. Writing about our understanding of each step as we prepare to move on helps us internalize the spiritual principles connected to it.
==> What action can I take that will help me along in the process of coming to believe?
==> What am I doing to work on overcoming any unrealistic expectations I may have about being restored to sanity?
==> What is my understanding of Step Two?
==> How has my prior knowledge and experience affected my work on this step?
As we move on to Step Three, a sense of hope is probably arising within our spirits. Even if we're not new in recovery, we've just reinforced our knowledge that recovery, growth, and change are not just possible but inevitable when we make the effort to work the steps. We can see the possibility of relief from the particular brand of insanity in which we've most recently been gripped by our addiction. We've probably already begun to experience some freedom. We're beginning to be released from the blind pursuit of our insanity. We've explored our insanity and have started to trust a Power greater than ourselves to relieve us from having to continue on the same path. We're beginning to be freed from our illusions. We no longer have to struggle to keep our addiction a secret or isolate ourselves to hide our insanity. We have seen how the program has worked for others, and we have discovered that it is beginning to work for us as well. Through our newfound faith, we achieve the willingness to move into action and work Step Three.
_________________
Spiritual principles
In the Second Step, we will focus on open-mindedness, willingness, faith, trust, and humility.
The principle of open-mindedness that we find in the Second Step arises from the understanding that we can't recover alone, that we need some kind of help. It continues with opening our minds to believing that help is possible for us. It doesn't matter whether we have any idea of how this Power greater than ourselves is going to help, just that we believe it's possible.
==> Why is having a closed mind harmful to my recovery?
==> How am I demonstrating open-mindedness in my life today?
==> In what ways has my life changed since I've been in recovery? Do I believe more change is possible?
Practicing the principle of willingness in the Second Step may begin simply. At first we may just go to meetings and listen to other recovering addicts share about their experiences with this step. Then we may begin applying what we hear to our own recovery. Of course, we ask our sponsor to guide us.
==> What am I willing to do to be restored to sanity?
==> Is there something I am now willing to do that I was previously unwilling to do? What is it?
We can't just sit back and wait to feel a sense of faith when working Step Two. We have to work at it. One of the suggestions that has worked for many of us is to "act as if" we had faith. This doesn't mean that we should be dishonest with ourselves. We don't need to lie to our sponsor or anyone else about where we are with this step. We're not doing this to sound good or look good. "Acting as if" simply means living as though we believe that what we hope for will happen. In the Second Step, this would mean living as though we expect to be restored to sanity. There are a variety of ways this may work in our individual lives. Many members suggest that we can begin "acting as if" by going to meetings regularly and taking direction from our sponsor.
==> What action have I been taking that demonstrates my faith? How has my faith grown?
==> Have I been able to make plans, having faith that my addiction isn't going to get in the way?
Practicing the principle of trust may require overcoming a sense of fear about the process of being restored to sanity. Even if we've been clean only a short time, we've probably already experienced some emotional pain as we've grown in recovery. We may be afraid that there will be more pain. In one sense, we're right about this: There will be more pain. None of it, however, will be more than we can bear, and none of it has to be borne alone. If we can develop our sense of trust in the process of recovery and in a Power greater than ourselves, we can walk through the painful times in our recovery. We'll know that what's waiting on the other side will be more than just superficial happiness, but a fundamental transformation that will make our lives more satisfying on a deeper level.
==> What fears do I have that are getting in the way of my trust?
==> What do I need to do to let go of these fears?
==> What action am I taking that demonstrates my trust in the process of recovery and a Power greater than myself?
The principle of humility springs from our acknowledgment that there is a Power greater than ourselves. It's a tremendous struggle for most of us to stop relying on our own thinking and begin to ask for help, but when we do, we have begun to practice the principle of humility found in the Second Step.
==> Have I sought help from a Power greater than myself today? How?
==> Have I sought help from my sponsor, gone to meetings, and reached out to other recovering addicts? What were the results?
Moving on
As we get ready to go on to Step Three, we'll want to take a look at what we've gained by working Step Two. Writing about our understanding of each step as we prepare to move on helps us internalize the spiritual principles connected to it.
==> What action can I take that will help me along in the process of coming to believe?
==> What am I doing to work on overcoming any unrealistic expectations I may have about being restored to sanity?
==> What is my understanding of Step Two?
==> How has my prior knowledge and experience affected my work on this step?
As we move on to Step Three, a sense of hope is probably arising within our spirits. Even if we're not new in recovery, we've just reinforced our knowledge that recovery, growth, and change are not just possible but inevitable when we make the effort to work the steps. We can see the possibility of relief from the particular brand of insanity in which we've most recently been gripped by our addiction. We've probably already begun to experience some freedom. We're beginning to be released from the blind pursuit of our insanity. We've explored our insanity and have started to trust a Power greater than ourselves to relieve us from having to continue on the same path. We're beginning to be freed from our illusions. We no longer have to struggle to keep our addiction a secret or isolate ourselves to hide our insanity. We have seen how the program has worked for others, and we have discovered that it is beginning to work for us as well. Through our newfound faith, we achieve the willingness to move into action and work Step Three.
hehehehe lady m -
there is one person i know who bowls lower scores than what you did - me!
i'm so happy to hear that you had fun! you deserve to have fun.
so when's the next game?
love ya -
sammy
there is one person i know who bowls lower scores than what you did - me!
i'm so happy to hear that you had fun! you deserve to have fun.
so when's the next game?
love ya -
sammy
Actually, we are going to go for fun tomorrow night. It is called Moonlight Bowling. They turn off all of the lights except for the lights at the end of the lanes that shine on the pins. It is a blast, and you can win money. If you can get the colored pins in a correct order, or if you pick up a nasty split. You also buy into a raffle, and if you are drawn, you have to bowl a strike, or knock down what they tell you....etc.... My husband is really good, we walked out of there on night with over 4500.00. It was great. I can't make that kind of money or shot, but he can.
We are trying to get a league formed for Wednesday Nights, so we will know next week if we have one. I really hope so. It would be a blast for me to get to do that. Thanks for letting me know I deserve to have fun. You are like a sister to me Sammy, and I love you. Keep up the good work. I will get all of my stuff typed up soon, and I will email it to you.
Huggles and God Bless
Carrie
We are trying to get a league formed for Wednesday Nights, so we will know next week if we have one. I really hope so. It would be a blast for me to get to do that. Thanks for letting me know I deserve to have fun. You are like a sister to me Sammy, and I love you. Keep up the good work. I will get all of my stuff typed up soon, and I will email it to you.
Huggles and God Bless
Carrie
