Z is an adult and will do what he wants to do no matter how hard you try to stop him. I have run after my son for over 20 years and done many of the same things you have tried. You can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. You will wear yourself out trying and make yourself sick stressing all the time. You may need to let Z go do his own thing to save yourself.
Buggin, Lori and Sad
Thank you. It hurts but I'm doing ok. I hate to say it it but I did have to get on Zoloft and take sleeping pill. I am so against drugs. But it's helped.
I'm turning 53 in 2 weeks and I am taking care of me. I come on here for support and go to my meetings. I've lost 25 lbs and just got my first tattoo (don't judge-lol)
I've always been such a good girl but wanted one.
It's so pretty. It's 2 roses with pink pearls.
I'm trusting in Jesus. I know he has a plan.
I don't understand why Con and Papa left.
?????? Anyone know ????
Love y'all
Thank you
Paula
Thank you. It hurts but I'm doing ok. I hate to say it it but I did have to get on Zoloft and take sleeping pill. I am so against drugs. But it's helped.
I'm turning 53 in 2 weeks and I am taking care of me. I come on here for support and go to my meetings. I've lost 25 lbs and just got my first tattoo (don't judge-lol)
I've always been such a good girl but wanted one.
It's so pretty. It's 2 roses with pink pearls.
I'm trusting in Jesus. I know he has a plan.
I don't understand why Con and Papa left.
?????? Anyone know ????
Love y'all
Thank you
Paula
Hi Paula,
Your tattoo sounds cool. Did it hurt a lot when u got it. I don't have any.
I hope you have a good day
Your tattoo sounds cool. Did it hurt a lot when u got it. I don't have any.
I hope you have a good day
Paula, Please don't go to that house by yourself!! You will be in danger! I'm so worried for you and Z. You might go there and be walking into more trouble. There might be more people living in the house doing drugs. Can you talk to your cop friend and ask him to suggest something? Take care. Mary
Paula what kind of drugs those people who live with your son and your son taking? I am asking because in America meth is very common drug and I heard it can make people really violent and make them do things they would never do ordinarily .. i am not talking about you going there, you should go I would go if he was my son if nothing then just to see him for 5 min but I am talking about you reporting these people to authority now I dont know exactly your plan but ccould that turn into most unpleasant situation for you or your family? Do they see like people who would love to have revenge in case their life gets messed up ? Sometimes people are like animals so unpredicted.
Regards B
Regards B
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Don't know how many of you remember or saw in reruns Rod Sterling's black & white TV show, the Twilight Zone. There was an episode where a man, I think played by Burgess Meredith, was judged obsolete. He was sentenced to death (by a manner of his choosing) by the state's Chancellor. He was guilty of being a librarian in a society that no longer valued books, for thinking, for being "human" and for speaking his mind. But that's not the purpose of the episode. It looks at how calm the librarian was as his execution approached . . . he was measured and peaceful and satisfied. The Chancellor, who was locked in the same room that was to be blown up to execute the librarian with the librarian, freaked out.
Like the librarian, my usefulness here has come to an end. I am obsolete. I'm out.
Thank you all for being with me on this horrible journey. For listening to my rantings and ravings (and reading my mega-long posts) especially when I was new to addiction, thought I could beat addiction, or was afraid, confused or tired. For providing guidance, support, hugs and love as I learned to stop enabling and start detaching . . .but continue to love and accept my daughter as an addict. For being a sounding board, providing feedback and guidance when I was confused or unsure or just plain old fashioned scared. For your prayers when she passed. And your continued patience, love and support since then. You all have been my life line, my life boat and my life preserver. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Today has been a wild day with posts, name calling, folks leaving the board, kicking folks off of threads and other negativity. My Goodness . . . the one thing I enjoyed about being part of this family was that one could share without shame . . . that all views and perspectives were welcomed and encouraged. . . that we respected each other even if we disagreed. I hope the events of the last few weeks, and particularly over the last 48+ hours, are now behind you all and you can move forward . . .in the tradition of Con, PapaBear, M&M, Rich L., etc. . .and be kind to each other.
'Nough said.
Sending hugs, wrapping you & yours in prayer, and wishing happier days for all.
Peace & blessings,
Lynn
xoxo
PS Oh Sad . . . I have a special message just for you . . . My choice of words and manner of delivery may be poor, but my intentions have always been good and pure. All I will say in response to your nasty-gram is CLUCK YOU!!!
I'm out . . .
Like the librarian, my usefulness here has come to an end. I am obsolete. I'm out.
Thank you all for being with me on this horrible journey. For listening to my rantings and ravings (and reading my mega-long posts) especially when I was new to addiction, thought I could beat addiction, or was afraid, confused or tired. For providing guidance, support, hugs and love as I learned to stop enabling and start detaching . . .but continue to love and accept my daughter as an addict. For being a sounding board, providing feedback and guidance when I was confused or unsure or just plain old fashioned scared. For your prayers when she passed. And your continued patience, love and support since then. You all have been my life line, my life boat and my life preserver. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Today has been a wild day with posts, name calling, folks leaving the board, kicking folks off of threads and other negativity. My Goodness . . . the one thing I enjoyed about being part of this family was that one could share without shame . . . that all views and perspectives were welcomed and encouraged. . . that we respected each other even if we disagreed. I hope the events of the last few weeks, and particularly over the last 48+ hours, are now behind you all and you can move forward . . .in the tradition of Con, PapaBear, M&M, Rich L., etc. . .and be kind to each other.
'Nough said.
Sending hugs, wrapping you & yours in prayer, and wishing happier days for all.
Peace & blessings,
Lynn
xoxo
PS Oh Sad . . . I have a special message just for you . . . My choice of words and manner of delivery may be poor, but my intentions have always been good and pure. All I will say in response to your nasty-gram is CLUCK YOU!!!
I'm out . . .
Jen
You are the reason I stayed off this site before. This site is for support for people going through
Struggles with their loved ones. I was only giving an update to the people who care and have
Been praying for us. You don't know anything about me or what I have been doing. I go to meetings and come on here for the people that's going through the same and I have NOT enabled
At all....so don't tell me I haven't changed. I asked about Con and Papa because they gave great
Advice unlike you. You are a bully and people going through what we are going through doesn't
Need your smart a** comments. Feel free to leave because you were the main reason I stayed
Off here before.
I hope it made you feel good going off on me but just so you know I'm fine and have done a lot
Of changing.
Prayers for you because it sounds like you are struggling
Paula
You are the reason I stayed off this site before. This site is for support for people going through
Struggles with their loved ones. I was only giving an update to the people who care and have
Been praying for us. You don't know anything about me or what I have been doing. I go to meetings and come on here for the people that's going through the same and I have NOT enabled
At all....so don't tell me I haven't changed. I asked about Con and Papa because they gave great
Advice unlike you. You are a bully and people going through what we are going through doesn't
Need your smart a** comments. Feel free to leave because you were the main reason I stayed
Off here before.
I hope it made you feel good going off on me but just so you know I'm fine and have done a lot
Of changing.
Prayers for you because it sounds like you are struggling
Paula
Lynn
I really hate that you are out. You always gave such good advice and I'm going to miss you.
I hope you will reconsider or friend me on Facebook because I will really miss you.
Hugs
Paula
I really hate that you are out. You always gave such good advice and I'm going to miss you.
I hope you will reconsider or friend me on Facebook because I will really miss you.
Hugs
Paula
Paula . . .I was just thinking the same thing re FB!!! Great minds . . .
Lynn
xoxo
Lynn
xoxo
Lynn and any one
You know my first name and last
Maiden name Land so message me
I don't want to lose your friendship because of this
And I never meant for anyone to feel sorry for me.
I'm ok and doing fine.
That was unexpected and hurtful.
Hugs and Prayers
Message me
PAULA
You know my first name and last
Maiden name Land so message me
I don't want to lose your friendship because of this
And I never meant for anyone to feel sorry for me.
I'm ok and doing fine.
That was unexpected and hurtful.
Hugs and Prayers
Message me
PAULA
I second everything that Mary said. I will not miss Jen's bitterness a bit!
You're right Paula. This board is supposed to be about loved ones of addicts supporting each other. I have to say, I've had a problem with everyone giving so much praise to the addicts that give advice. I don't think any of us are taking advice from our own addicts. If everyone wants to know what goes on in the addicts brain, just ask your own kids. They are absolutely no different than some of these that have given advice left and right.
I fear that people will be afraid to share now because of the condemnation everyone's been receiving. I for one, will not judge you moms for being moms. I'm not perfect and I don't expect everyone else to be, especially when you love your child.
Hugs
You're right Paula. This board is supposed to be about loved ones of addicts supporting each other. I have to say, I've had a problem with everyone giving so much praise to the addicts that give advice. I don't think any of us are taking advice from our own addicts. If everyone wants to know what goes on in the addicts brain, just ask your own kids. They are absolutely no different than some of these that have given advice left and right.
I fear that people will be afraid to share now because of the condemnation everyone's been receiving. I for one, will not judge you moms for being moms. I'm not perfect and I don't expect everyone else to be, especially when you love your child.
Hugs
@ Shell..I'm sorry you feel that advice from addicts is not helpful. However, I am in recovery and have made it through the other side. I am also a wife and a mother. I can see things from multiple perspectives. Sure, you can ask people who are still in active addiction what they think and feel, but the cold, hard ugly truth is that they have no clue what they are thinking or feeling. They are living in a false reality and even if you ask them a question chances are it will not be an accurate...or honest answer.
The other addicts on this board have had long periods of sobriety. Even when an addict is in recovery, a slip does not make them unlearn anything they learned during their clean time.
I offer advice because I know what has worked and have seen the first hand devestation when addiction is handled like a moral failing and not treated as the disease that it is. We can all learn from the people who have traveled the path before us. I'm sorry you do not feel that my recovery could be a resource for what you are dealing with.
I don't think anyone on here "praises" (your words) addicts for their advice. People do say thank you when something is helpful...that's just good manners.
I do not want praises or recognition of any kind. I want to save lives. I want people to know that addiction need treatment. Prayer is good for the soul, but it never will cure an addict! We do recover. Families heal. I learned by listening to people who knew more than me and had been at it longer. No one has all the answers, but if we all chip in what we know, maybe, just maybe, more people will recover,
The other addicts on this board have had long periods of sobriety. Even when an addict is in recovery, a slip does not make them unlearn anything they learned during their clean time.
I offer advice because I know what has worked and have seen the first hand devestation when addiction is handled like a moral failing and not treated as the disease that it is. We can all learn from the people who have traveled the path before us. I'm sorry you do not feel that my recovery could be a resource for what you are dealing with.
I don't think anyone on here "praises" (your words) addicts for their advice. People do say thank you when something is helpful...that's just good manners.
I do not want praises or recognition of any kind. I want to save lives. I want people to know that addiction need treatment. Prayer is good for the soul, but it never will cure an addict! We do recover. Families heal. I learned by listening to people who knew more than me and had been at it longer. No one has all the answers, but if we all chip in what we know, maybe, just maybe, more people will recover,
Thank you Mary and Shell
She's the only person that's caused me not to come on here because of
The way she talks to people. It blew me away. I thought we could talk about
Anything. I wasn't asking for sympathy. We all hurt because we live our kids.
She made me not want to share.
I'm not mad ....everyone has a right to their opinion but I think we all need
To respect each other.
Take care
Hugs
Paula
She's the only person that's caused me not to come on here because of
The way she talks to people. It blew me away. I thought we could talk about
Anything. I wasn't asking for sympathy. We all hurt because we live our kids.
She made me not want to share.
I'm not mad ....everyone has a right to their opinion but I think we all need
To respect each other.
Take care
Hugs
Paula
Hi Shell, I agree with what you said. I too will always lend support to any mother who comes here looking for support or just to have someone to vent with. That's all it is at times and it helps. It's a shame when they cant get help and compassion from the very people who expected it for themselves at one time. So soon some forget! Paula....You shouldn't leave here, you've done nothing wrong! This is our board for families of addicts. Youve been through so much, your husband dying and you have Zach living with a couple of really bad people. No one thinks you look for sympathy but if you did you would have more right to than anyone! God knows how you've managed this far. Please stay and help support other women like yourself. Personally I couldn't give a damn what anyone thinks of me and none of the moms on here should either. We're not in a personality contest...well at least most of us aren't!! Take Care Shell and Paula. From, Mary
Lollee,
You are not one of those that I was talking about. You said it. You are in long term recovery. To me, that makes a difference. I've always respected what you have to say.
Michelle
You are not one of those that I was talking about. You said it. You are in long term recovery. To me, that makes a difference. I've always respected what you have to say.
Michelle
Thanks..that was kind of you to say. The issues surrounding addiction are raw, ugly and difficult. I think we all sometimes just get to the end of our rope and just lose it! We are human and no one is perfect.
I've had my share of angst on this board, too. For me though, it was my own ego that usually got the best of me. Usually when the anger had lifted and I looked at it with new eyes, I was able to learn something from it..even if it was what NOT to do.
Hopefully, we can continue to support each other. There will always be people we do not mesh well with, but as is said in many 12 step program, principles before personalities. Translated, that means the person may make our skin crawl, but we can take their message and apply it to our recovery.
Everyone struggles. That is the price of being human, I guess. Being human also gives us the ability to be compassionate and understanding of someone else's belief and perspective even when it is not our own.
I've had my share of angst on this board, too. For me though, it was my own ego that usually got the best of me. Usually when the anger had lifted and I looked at it with new eyes, I was able to learn something from it..even if it was what NOT to do.
Hopefully, we can continue to support each other. There will always be people we do not mesh well with, but as is said in many 12 step program, principles before personalities. Translated, that means the person may make our skin crawl, but we can take their message and apply it to our recovery.
Everyone struggles. That is the price of being human, I guess. Being human also gives us the ability to be compassionate and understanding of someone else's belief and perspective even when it is not our own.
Wow what a day! I can't believe all that is going on. I think we should all stay off a couple of days, take some deep breaths, think about what has happened, and start over with better attitudes. This train derailed and needs to get back on track. I try not to say anything if it isn't nice or at least not terrible. I think some people didn't think before they spoke. :(
Wow! That's all I can say right now. I haven't posted in a while because I needed a break and don't have much to offer these days. But I do read daily. And what I have seen over the last few days is just sad and depressing to me. This message board is here to help!! Not add more conflict or drama to our lives. When I first found this board I couldn't believe how there were actually so many mothers / fathers / family members.. going through the same thing I was.i really thought I was the only one at that time. I think my first post was actually titled " don't feel so alone anymore". And I learned a lot from coming here. From both sides. The families and the addicts / recovering addicts. I felt so comfortable to vent and share my story and fears and anxiety and heartache.
Now... not so much. Everyone has their own opinion or advice or what had worked or not worked for them. And that's great. As long as it's taken as that! Someone else's opinion or advice or thoughts. It doesn't mean you have to agree Or follow what they did. But the last few days reading here has left such a bad taste in my mouth. Everyone is here for different reasons. And yes... people come and go here and some don't like the advice that is given. But I feel this has lost all its purpose of what it's here for.
Not everyone will connect here. And that's fine. But the dysfunction I've seen over the last few days makes me not want to come back either. And that's not what I want because I have actually connected with many here. It really is an extended family. And a family who understands 100% what we are feeling or going through.
I really hope this BS stops! I want to come here and feel comfortable to post or just read or whatever. And give support. It's all some of us have to feel understood. It's turned into a circus
Lisa.
Now... not so much. Everyone has their own opinion or advice or what had worked or not worked for them. And that's great. As long as it's taken as that! Someone else's opinion or advice or thoughts. It doesn't mean you have to agree Or follow what they did. But the last few days reading here has left such a bad taste in my mouth. Everyone is here for different reasons. And yes... people come and go here and some don't like the advice that is given. But I feel this has lost all its purpose of what it's here for.
Not everyone will connect here. And that's fine. But the dysfunction I've seen over the last few days makes me not want to come back either. And that's not what I want because I have actually connected with many here. It really is an extended family. And a family who understands 100% what we are feeling or going through.
I really hope this BS stops! I want to come here and feel comfortable to post or just read or whatever. And give support. It's all some of us have to feel understood. It's turned into a circus
Lisa.
