Hello again,
MnM I am a daily reader, just dont have too much to write.
Priscilla - I did read your sons story. Its like many addicts stories, he is not unique. I am sure like most of us addicts he thinks he is very unique though.
I have no real advise, except to say that I see two things. One is that you need to look after you. You need to find a way to live with his addiction in a way that will not destroy you. There are many wise mothers and lovers of addicts on this board that have shared stories in the various threads. That 's why I suggested Alanon to you.
As for your son, well no rehab in Nigel, Florida or Timbuktu is going to fix him. He has to fix himself. I only started to fix myself when the pain of using drugs got to be too much for me. Sounds like your son is not there yet. He is even hooking up with drugs in rehab, or just a day after. That would indicate he does not want to stop using yet.
When he does, I would encourage him to get himself to an NA meeting. In the Joburg area there are so many different meetings and venues. Stopping without support is tough. NA is free, and is how I managed to get clean.
The most important thing to do now in my view, is look after yourself, and allow him to take the journey he needs to be on. We are where we are, because that is where we need to be.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
Not to hijack but it's good to "see" you Calabash! = ) Hope you are doing well. I was just thinking about you the other day & here you are.
Dear Never Give up - You have really gone through alot with your son. You sound so strong but I can imagine how hard it is to have struggled for so long and stillbe on the journey trying to help him recover. It's scarry to hear how many drugs he's been exposed to in rehab. That's something my husband was concerned about when I pushed to have my son go to residential rehab for 30 days. My son is supposed to get out mid July and then go into outpatient. I am concerned about whether he will succeed. My sone doesn't seem to think he will have any problem stopping the oxy and he doesn't see the need to stop marijuana except while he's being tested during outpatient. Both my sons and my husband think causual marijuana usage is ok. I do not and it think it's asking for trouble. the fact that we are not all on the same page will weaken our ability to help my son. Actually, both my husband and my other son have substance abuse issues that neither will admit to. I'm thinking about writing a letter to my son in rehab telling him I will do anything I can to help in his recovery but he's going to have to be the one that's really committed to it or he will slide again. I want him to recognize that he needs to be strong even if he doesn't get the messag he needs to fron his Dad and brother. He's really got a chance to turn things around now because I"ve worked hard to help him clear up his legal issues, get enrolled in school in the fall etc. I"ve been searching out NA groups for him to participate in when he get's out and goes back to school (something the court has also ordered). But I can't be there all the time. His Dad and brother think I'm overly concerned and that he'll be fine. So unless my son really commits to this well... the statistics speak for themselves.
Quick update: We've seen our son every Saturday. He looks so much better after 18 days of rehab. He recognizes that he was going down a bad path but I think it's too soon for him to really see the severity of the situation. When someones been on oxy their maturation process basically stops at the age they started using and not until it's completely out of their system and their brain is functioning normally do they start to mature again.
Quick update: We've seen our son every Saturday. He looks so much better after 18 days of rehab. He recognizes that he was going down a bad path but I think it's too soon for him to really see the severity of the situation. When someones been on oxy their maturation process basically stops at the age they started using and not until it's completely out of their system and their brain is functioning normally do they start to mature again.
Hi mom4sons
My son went to A 28 days rehab in 2007 for using marijuana it was a success and he was clean for 18 months and started using casually again he went to clinics on aregular basis for his temperol lobe epilepsi which is dual and have drug addicts as well then he will make friends with these people and come out and start using harder drugs the las rehab he was clean for 23 days and the noight before he came out he used herion
I don't want to tell you what to do but help your son now as much as you can because they believe that smoking weed now and then is harmless but it is not true they get bored and inquisitive and before u know it they onto the hard drugs I always said it will never happen to me my son only uses weed now and then and now I am in aposition wheter I don't know if my son will survive the clutsches of heroin
All I can say that the primary care of 28 days is not enough to help them to stay clean they need seconday care which is a 3 to 6 months program my son is in the 6 months one. And I can just hope and pray that its going to work it is very expensive and killing us finacially but I have to try because after this I have no solution or answer
Your son sound like he is still fine that's why iu need to keep on trying to keep him clean so he does not try something stronger
Best of luck
Priscilla
My son went to A 28 days rehab in 2007 for using marijuana it was a success and he was clean for 18 months and started using casually again he went to clinics on aregular basis for his temperol lobe epilepsi which is dual and have drug addicts as well then he will make friends with these people and come out and start using harder drugs the las rehab he was clean for 23 days and the noight before he came out he used herion
I don't want to tell you what to do but help your son now as much as you can because they believe that smoking weed now and then is harmless but it is not true they get bored and inquisitive and before u know it they onto the hard drugs I always said it will never happen to me my son only uses weed now and then and now I am in aposition wheter I don't know if my son will survive the clutsches of heroin
All I can say that the primary care of 28 days is not enough to help them to stay clean they need seconday care which is a 3 to 6 months program my son is in the 6 months one. And I can just hope and pray that its going to work it is very expensive and killing us finacially but I have to try because after this I have no solution or answer
Your son sound like he is still fine that's why iu need to keep on trying to keep him clean so he does not try something stronger
Best of luck
Priscilla
There is no blame in addiction. It's a disease. You don't blame your parents for cancer or epilpsy, it's just a roll of the genetic dice. Nobody's fault. So lose the guilt.
There is however, blame for our actions. And ammends for those actions. Once you do that, you try not to make the same mistakes over and over. Own it. On both sides of the coin.
There is nothing wrong with a parent wanting to protect thier child. It's the instinct we have built in, well, most of us anyway, but it's how we do that that can make or break a kid with this disease. You can love and protect your child right into thier grave or you can love them enough to let them go. I haven't figured out that part yet but I've seen parents do it and get thier kids back whole.
Bottom line for me is that I can't hang onto guilt. It's non-productive. I'm proactive instead. Can't change the past but you can help shape the future..his and yours.
There is however, blame for our actions. And ammends for those actions. Once you do that, you try not to make the same mistakes over and over. Own it. On both sides of the coin.
There is nothing wrong with a parent wanting to protect thier child. It's the instinct we have built in, well, most of us anyway, but it's how we do that that can make or break a kid with this disease. You can love and protect your child right into thier grave or you can love them enough to let them go. I haven't figured out that part yet but I've seen parents do it and get thier kids back whole.
Bottom line for me is that I can't hang onto guilt. It's non-productive. I'm proactive instead. Can't change the past but you can help shape the future..his and yours.
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| I'm thinking about writing a letter to my son in rehab telling him I will do anything I can to help in his recovery...He's really got a chance to turn things around now because I"ve worked hard to help him clear up his legal issues, get enrolled in school in the fall etc. I"ve been searching out NA groups for him to participate in when he get's out and goes back to school... |
Sounds like HE has very little to do for himself...how is he supposed to learn to take care of himself and take responsibility when you rob him of those valuable learning opportunities? You've done all the heavy lifting out of fear and control, or the illusion of control, because really you have no control at all over what he does or what his outcomes are. You have determined the course of his life for the next year...all except whether or not he does drugs, and when they have so little control, that's when they exercise what control they feel they DO have by making the choices you can't make for them.
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| ...it is very expensive and killing us finacially but I have to try because after this I have no solution or answer... |
You never had the solution or answer...it belongs to him, only he can solve his own problems, and while he might need/want help from a therapist, HE needs to do the asking. Been there. We did it exactly once and when she went back out we just were not willing to sacrifice our futures and retirement funds to try to force her to do what she could and should do for herself and at no cost...NA/AA is free.
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| Your son sound like he is still fine that's why you need to keep on trying to keep him clean so he does not try something stronger... |
How is her son "fine"? He was using Xanax and Ambien and smoking his pain meds....28 days does not make for "fine". You are missing the point Priscilla, she can't "keep him clean"...he is a grown man, an adult and only he can make the choice to get and stay clean.
And don't be confused that heroin is 'worse' than either of the two drugs you named...people are scared when they hear the word "heroin", but it's a drug like any other...both Xanax and Ambien are highly addictive and difficult to kick. If he was into smoking pain meds he's in plenty deep enough, just as deep as any heroin addict without maybe a needle.
When do your sons get to make choices for themselves? When do they get to say "I am a man and I did it myself"?
Peace ~ MomNMore
mnm is right, when do we allow our "children" to be responsible for themselves and their actions/ i certainly didnt until a month ago and my son is 28 years old..i started scaling it back but i was, maybe still am the safety net...i dont know what i am (he is in jail) i know that for all these years i wasnt the help i thought i was, i hindered his ability to grow up, to think for himself, to be independent..i didnt help..it is very difficult to let go and allow them to take control. but maybe this is the best time, your son is in a pretty controlled place, has people who care and are trained to be medically responsive, couldnt be any better place to cut the apron strings..
Hi
I strongly disagree my son phoned me last night and says he really need and want to this six month program because he longs to be clean and marry his fiance and look after his kids
How can I not help him. His been in short term rehab twice This is a 6 months program that teaches him life skills which he never had
He might end up dead or in jail but he might not if I give him the tools to help him
If that doesn't work which I believe will only then will igive up but while there is still hope and he is still only 22 I will never give up
Priscilla
I strongly disagree my son phoned me last night and says he really need and want to this six month program because he longs to be clean and marry his fiance and look after his kids
How can I not help him. His been in short term rehab twice This is a 6 months program that teaches him life skills which he never had
He might end up dead or in jail but he might not if I give him the tools to help him
If that doesn't work which I believe will only then will igive up but while there is still hope and he is still only 22 I will never give up
Priscilla
Hi
I want to ask the addicts wouild u want people to leave u alone to sort out u r own addictiion or can or could u do with some. Assistance
Note that I am saying assidtance and not taking over
Priscilla
I want to ask the addicts wouild u want people to leave u alone to sort out u r own addictiion or can or could u do with some. Assistance
Note that I am saying assidtance and not taking over
Priscilla
Priscella...please forgive me and beleive me when I say this hurts me deeply to have to say this again to you ...for me at least, the answer is NO. Assistance, help, what kind are you planning on ? because the ugly truth is this: Nothing, and I mean absolutly nothing will stop me when I am in active addiction and when I am not done. I posted this morning over there, go ahead and read it. Not jail, not rehab, not fear or love will stop me. You cannot stop him if he gets out of rehab and goes back out. You cannot stop him by trying to understand the drug, you cannot stop him by giving him sympathy, you cannot change him, ask him, talk to him, fix him, bribe him, love him more or less. He wont hear you until he is done and only he knows when that is. He may never be, or he may be done next month or in 20 years, you cant predict when he is going to be done. Your still looking for something to do, something to fix him with, a magic key, but there isnt one Pricsella. The only thing I know is that in active addiction we will Lie to you, steal from you, beg from you and abuse your kindness, good intentions, help and love and not care. I know these people here have tried to tell you this...I know they have tried to explain it to you...I know how badly you are hurting and praying for him...and how badly you want that magic key...but you have to listen now to these people here or your going to be as sick as your son. The more you try to help, the more you try to be kind, the more we will hate you, use you and run. Work on getting yourself strong so you CAN do the only thing that might bring him back. Im sorry Priscella, he's not any different, he's not unique, he's not special, and he's not going to put it down and come home for you because of anything you do for him. If he makes it through rehab and stays clean thats one point, not the whole journey. Its a progressive and chilling disease. You have to be ready and you have to be strong and you have to start doing what these fine people here are asking and telling you to do. Beleive me, Im not in any position to give advice on this side of the board anymore but I can definitly answer as a junkie. The ONLY assistance you can give is encouragement when he's clean and not the co-dependant crap either...learn from these people how to get your son back and I will pray for both of you. Brynn ?.Misty Eyes ? M&M ?...LAC?..and so many more, pay attention, and learn how to do this, you've got the best teachers on the planet. God is giving you a chance. Dont blow it....and Im so damn sorry I couldnt give you anything better. Addiction is worse I think for the families than for the addict...hugs Priscella
Con
Con
Priscilla, of course he really wants to be clean, at a certain point almost all addicts do. If it was only that simple, only that simple
This is extremely hard to watch, and not because they are our children, all addicts are someones child. It is because it defies all normal thinkingit is something you cant understand until you have been ran by a drug. It is something that will not make sense because it is not yours.
Addiction thrives within the sickness of the addict, but also can not survive real easy without the sickness of a family. This is not called a family disease without good reason. And it is not something than can be cured by love because if it was none of us would be here.
In a way I am sad for momforsons child, not being allowed to reach within and find who he is, what he wants and doesnt from his lifeHow cool, college is all planned out, without any thought of the amount of process he will have to go through just to be able to leave rehab, cause if he does well there he is going to be scared big time to lose that safety net, going to the store is going to a huge undertaking with the demons whispering, come on just one hit, you have proved to everyone you can stay clean, one hit, not a big deal
And Priscillayour son wants, that is great, now let him find the way to have all that he wants, all that he dreams. He is so capable of that.
When it is time for the dreams of the childnot the dreams of the parents.
I let me son go, make sure that is understood and not taken the wrong way. I loved my son, even if I was told by many mothers that some of us love our children. I was able to separate what was mine, what was his, was able to allow him to find his dreams, his hopes, his future. I did not save him from his addiction, and he gets all the credit for the work he did to save himself. I did not protect him from it and he went and damn sure protected himself. It is so amazing to watch, and I am grateful for the fact that I could tell what was mine and what wasnt.
For as much as we want out children to just get itparents will have to just get itHopefully that happens before the next level of a parents sickness, cause this does play out so predictablywhere the parent gave and did for, and fixed and planned and the child just went further into their addiction.and then resentment walks in, the anger and hate for their child, and the I cant see, I cant talk toWhat an ugly yet true reality for many. The only time the room was interesting was sitting listening to parents talk of all they had done and all they tried, and all the money they spent and all the time they had planned for the future of the children they so lovedto hear that why did they do this to me crazy talk, cause they did it to themselvesand now their children were evil pieces of s*** not worth the time of day
But yeah they loved so loved
Priscilla and momsforsons...there is a solution, it is called working on oneself.
The children they haunt me, thankfully my mothers version of love to save me was removedand my father could just do as I asked, let me go, let me find my waylet me be, meAs I smile knowing my mother still thinks she saved meI saved me being allowed to find a reason to want to live
This is extremely hard to watch, and not because they are our children, all addicts are someones child. It is because it defies all normal thinkingit is something you cant understand until you have been ran by a drug. It is something that will not make sense because it is not yours.
Addiction thrives within the sickness of the addict, but also can not survive real easy without the sickness of a family. This is not called a family disease without good reason. And it is not something than can be cured by love because if it was none of us would be here.
In a way I am sad for momforsons child, not being allowed to reach within and find who he is, what he wants and doesnt from his lifeHow cool, college is all planned out, without any thought of the amount of process he will have to go through just to be able to leave rehab, cause if he does well there he is going to be scared big time to lose that safety net, going to the store is going to a huge undertaking with the demons whispering, come on just one hit, you have proved to everyone you can stay clean, one hit, not a big deal
And Priscillayour son wants, that is great, now let him find the way to have all that he wants, all that he dreams. He is so capable of that.
When it is time for the dreams of the childnot the dreams of the parents.
I let me son go, make sure that is understood and not taken the wrong way. I loved my son, even if I was told by many mothers that some of us love our children. I was able to separate what was mine, what was his, was able to allow him to find his dreams, his hopes, his future. I did not save him from his addiction, and he gets all the credit for the work he did to save himself. I did not protect him from it and he went and damn sure protected himself. It is so amazing to watch, and I am grateful for the fact that I could tell what was mine and what wasnt.
For as much as we want out children to just get itparents will have to just get itHopefully that happens before the next level of a parents sickness, cause this does play out so predictablywhere the parent gave and did for, and fixed and planned and the child just went further into their addiction.and then resentment walks in, the anger and hate for their child, and the I cant see, I cant talk toWhat an ugly yet true reality for many. The only time the room was interesting was sitting listening to parents talk of all they had done and all they tried, and all the money they spent and all the time they had planned for the future of the children they so lovedto hear that why did they do this to me crazy talk, cause they did it to themselvesand now their children were evil pieces of s*** not worth the time of day
But yeah they loved so loved
Priscilla and momsforsons...there is a solution, it is called working on oneself.
The children they haunt me, thankfully my mothers version of love to save me was removedand my father could just do as I asked, let me go, let me find my waylet me be, meAs I smile knowing my mother still thinks she saved meI saved me being allowed to find a reason to want to live
I didn't want people to give up on me. I knew that I could help myself but not without help..do you know what I mean? But I had to be the one to initiate it. I had to do the work, no one could do it for me. But having a family and husband that refused to give up on me helped me get clean. Now, as a mother of a son who is an addict (in recovery now), the tables turned and I could not walk away or let go of him. For whatever reason, it worked but he had to hit his bottom and start using the tools that he'd been given. It was up to him. But I never gave up. I had to learn (from the smart mom's here) how to do some things differently but not all of it did I pay attention too and paid the price, over and over. I'm just really lucky things turned out the way they did without too much emotional damage. My son was young too and every kid, every family, every situation is different..but the addiction disease is the same..nothing unique about that.
But letting go has nothing at all to do with not loving, or caring or giving up....it just means you stopped doing for.
I didn't give up on anyone. I always believed my son could get out, always had hope, and stayed out of the gloom and doom.... Now with my husband that took some time to learn but I got it, and stopped his addiction from being mine.
I didn't give up on anyone. I always believed my son could get out, always had hope, and stayed out of the gloom and doom.... Now with my husband that took some time to learn but I got it, and stopped his addiction from being mine.
Hi Never Give Up Momma. I am responding to your request on the heroin board.
Addict here. I'm also a mother. I also have a mother and although I have been clean for years now my mom still throws in that she never gave up on me. Of course she didn't cause she's my mom. However, at some point she tossed me out. Threw my butt out of her home. That was the best gift she ever gave me. Mind you this took years for her to do and it about killed her, BUT it beat her "helping me kill myself".
Guilt? Hey, alot of people don't have a father. Alot of people remarry. Their kids don't turn into dope fiends. If anything please give yourself a break. This is NOT your fault. I am so sorry for his horrific injury as a child. That had to be awful.
We self medicate. Yeah we do. Rehab teaches us how to deal with life on life's terms so that throws that theory out the window how you can give him the tools he needs. Nooooooo rehab does that.
With most addicts it takes quite a few times in rehabs before we "get it". If you keep jumping for him well of course he's gonna do what he wants. You just make it easier for us to keep getting high. Why wouldn't we when mom's gonna take the blame or pick up the pieces?
Your question was would we want support or to be left alone. Neither. We need to know someone is in our corner, BUT from afar as we navigate sobriety for ourselves.
The fact your son left a rehab and then the next day went and copped heroin with his girlfriend speaks volumes. He wasn't ready. Like I think Constantine mentioned not one of us WANTS to be a an addict. Who would? It's an ugly, painful place to be. Yet we keep doing it. Nature of the beast.
What you can do is let him know you love him. You will support him in his journey, BUT only if he's getting clean. Don't make it easy on him. As you know by now we're a manipulative bunch and the easiest person to get over on is usually our mom's.
Trust me he'll be angry. He may call you names. He'll play on your sympathy. Well, it's up to him to find his way and if he really wants it then he'll do it.
As hard as it will be on you look at it as you ARE HELPING HIM. The ball is in his court. It's his choice. It may sound odd to you, but the best thing my mom ever did for me was to kick me out. It about killed her, but it kept me alive. She was still there to listen. Still there to let me know she loved me, BUT she wasn't giving me money, a bed, food, and a chance to pick up and start all over again with the nonsense that goes with it.
Give your son some credit. Let him do this on his own. I know it's tough, but it will not make you less a mom. Remember NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!! It's his choice.
Hope that helped some. Please know I am thinking of you both, but once he sees he can't run home to mommy and he has to make his own way I believe you'll find your son come back to you.
Addict here. I'm also a mother. I also have a mother and although I have been clean for years now my mom still throws in that she never gave up on me. Of course she didn't cause she's my mom. However, at some point she tossed me out. Threw my butt out of her home. That was the best gift she ever gave me. Mind you this took years for her to do and it about killed her, BUT it beat her "helping me kill myself".
Guilt? Hey, alot of people don't have a father. Alot of people remarry. Their kids don't turn into dope fiends. If anything please give yourself a break. This is NOT your fault. I am so sorry for his horrific injury as a child. That had to be awful.
We self medicate. Yeah we do. Rehab teaches us how to deal with life on life's terms so that throws that theory out the window how you can give him the tools he needs. Nooooooo rehab does that.
With most addicts it takes quite a few times in rehabs before we "get it". If you keep jumping for him well of course he's gonna do what he wants. You just make it easier for us to keep getting high. Why wouldn't we when mom's gonna take the blame or pick up the pieces?
Your question was would we want support or to be left alone. Neither. We need to know someone is in our corner, BUT from afar as we navigate sobriety for ourselves.
The fact your son left a rehab and then the next day went and copped heroin with his girlfriend speaks volumes. He wasn't ready. Like I think Constantine mentioned not one of us WANTS to be a an addict. Who would? It's an ugly, painful place to be. Yet we keep doing it. Nature of the beast.
What you can do is let him know you love him. You will support him in his journey, BUT only if he's getting clean. Don't make it easy on him. As you know by now we're a manipulative bunch and the easiest person to get over on is usually our mom's.
Trust me he'll be angry. He may call you names. He'll play on your sympathy. Well, it's up to him to find his way and if he really wants it then he'll do it.
As hard as it will be on you look at it as you ARE HELPING HIM. The ball is in his court. It's his choice. It may sound odd to you, but the best thing my mom ever did for me was to kick me out. It about killed her, but it kept me alive. She was still there to listen. Still there to let me know she loved me, BUT she wasn't giving me money, a bed, food, and a chance to pick up and start all over again with the nonsense that goes with it.
Give your son some credit. Let him do this on his own. I know it's tough, but it will not make you less a mom. Remember NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!! It's his choice.
Hope that helped some. Please know I am thinking of you both, but once he sees he can't run home to mommy and he has to make his own way I believe you'll find your son come back to you.
Hi
Thank you for your oppinions
My son has been in this secondary care for 2 weeks and had problems with his temperal lobe epilepsy medication which has now been fix and this is a extrat out of. Letter I got from him today
"My new meds are already making a difference. And my mind is stabilizing. - I can now start focus on my recovery and prove to myself that I am done using I believe I Am in the right place for me to do so and I want to stay here and follow the program for as long as it take"
I know there will probably be comments like this is not going to last his a addict
That's all true but all I have is my faith and taking one day at a time I. Cannot afford to think its a waste of time and money. Only time will tell and I'm willing to take that change.
And everybody is talking about me time I have lots of that I do what makes me happy a fair amount of time and then every 3 week I see my grand kids which is the most delightfull time in my life whEn the 4 year old puyt her arms around me and says I love u ouma as lots as jelly tots that is the happiest time in my life
Anyway I still appreciate all your support and luv ye all
Goeie nag en lekker slaap(good night sleep well)
Priscilla
Thank you for your oppinions
My son has been in this secondary care for 2 weeks and had problems with his temperal lobe epilepsy medication which has now been fix and this is a extrat out of. Letter I got from him today
"My new meds are already making a difference. And my mind is stabilizing. - I can now start focus on my recovery and prove to myself that I am done using I believe I Am in the right place for me to do so and I want to stay here and follow the program for as long as it take"
I know there will probably be comments like this is not going to last his a addict
That's all true but all I have is my faith and taking one day at a time I. Cannot afford to think its a waste of time and money. Only time will tell and I'm willing to take that change.
And everybody is talking about me time I have lots of that I do what makes me happy a fair amount of time and then every 3 week I see my grand kids which is the most delightfull time in my life whEn the 4 year old puyt her arms around me and says I love u ouma as lots as jelly tots that is the happiest time in my life
Anyway I still appreciate all your support and luv ye all
Goeie nag en lekker slaap(good night sleep well)
Priscilla
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| all I have is my faith and taking one day at a time |
And that's all any of us and should do. It's lovely to hear positive news from him and of course you should have hope...never let anyone rob you of that. We never can know the day or hour when the change may come and why not today?
Best ~ M&M
Awwwww, no I don't think you'll get any "this won't last" comments, Momma. Hey, for everyone of us addicts who have been clean for a long, long time now that last time worked, right?
That is very wonderful news you got. I am very happy for you and he sounds sincere.
You keep enjoying the grands. We'll keep your son in our prayers. You're a good mom.
That is very wonderful news you got. I am very happy for you and he sounds sincere.
You keep enjoying the grands. We'll keep your son in our prayers. You're a good mom.
i dont think anyone is saying this wont last, we all pray it will..i pray it will for my son, but the reality is' it is totally up to him and i have seen my son say time after time, this is it, and then i skyrocket my hopes and then the fall for me is huge, when in fact, i should have merely said "i love you and i pray you have the strength you need//let time show what is to come without me living in the future and doing my "planning for my son" i think it also takes some pressure off of him when i dont make all of these plans for HIS future.. we as parents always hope for the best for our children and others children
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| I know there will probably be comments like this is not going to last his a addict |
That is something a good codependent would say, or think for that matter...Waiting for the other shoe to drop is not a healthy way to live...
Good for him, hopefully this will be his end. It surely is possible for him and any other addict who is willing, that is one of the good keys for them willingness to take the chance.
Hang around, with him safe and sound so to speak it might be time to focus on your recovery, and while you might not want to , or think you don't need to it can be a great gift to give to your son.
That's why I love this forum so much u guys know what u talking about and everything u say help me so much I could not wait when I woke up this morning To check if u have answered
Like momg says I am so afraid of dissapointment as well
My 1st thought was also this is not going to last and my husband just
Kept quiet when I read the letter to him because he doesn't believe it
The problem is that our dissapointment are small ones my son has only failed ones at not staying clean
My husband is very strict and to him dissapointment means not going to university
Smoking having 2 kids at 22 not being able to hold a job not finishing his courses for enhancing
His writinv ability that he started at collegejust lying at home for the last 2 years doing nothing hiding
Behind his epilepsy
But I think we have done enough now it was his choice to feel sorry for himself and start using
I said to him this is his choice and he has to do it for him
And nobody else I am there for him to visit and support him but there is nothing
Else I can do anymore this is all him all decisions made about his future will
Be up to him
God bless all of u
Plse let me know how yor lifes are going
Priscilla
Like momg says I am so afraid of dissapointment as well
My 1st thought was also this is not going to last and my husband just
Kept quiet when I read the letter to him because he doesn't believe it
The problem is that our dissapointment are small ones my son has only failed ones at not staying clean
My husband is very strict and to him dissapointment means not going to university
Smoking having 2 kids at 22 not being able to hold a job not finishing his courses for enhancing
His writinv ability that he started at collegejust lying at home for the last 2 years doing nothing hiding
Behind his epilepsy
But I think we have done enough now it was his choice to feel sorry for himself and start using
I said to him this is his choice and he has to do it for him
And nobody else I am there for him to visit and support him but there is nothing
Else I can do anymore this is all him all decisions made about his future will
Be up to him
God bless all of u
Plse let me know how yor lifes are going
Priscilla
