If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert
to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have
a gender. For example...
Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in but you
can see right through them.
Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to
warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons
are pushed.
Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated.
Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you
have to light a fire under it. . . and, of course, there's the
hot air part.
Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain
water.
Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.
Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.
Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.
Remote Control -- Female . . . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But
consider -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and
while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps
trying.
~Adam A
LOL ROTFLMAO
hehehehehe
I have felt that way myself.....tee hee
Lady M
PS I was kidding.....I really do love my hubby..... he is great and supportive...
hehehehehe
I have felt that way myself.....tee hee
Lady M
PS I was kidding.....I really do love my hubby..... he is great and supportive...
Here is another one that is for the eyes of adults...... I am still giggling about this one..........
One Pissed Off Cow
Lady M
One Pissed Off Cow
Lady M
What a laugh. thanks everyone.
man this sucks i cant get into those sites
crap i am gonna have to check them out when i get home
`Adam A
crap i am gonna have to check them out when i get home
`Adam A
bump
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price.
And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading.
And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to horse flesh.
and, before very long, there were many others and They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums,
that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel,
(or as it came to be known "eBay" ) he said, "we need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO", said Abraham. And that is how it all began, It wasn't Al Gore after all.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price.
And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading.
And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to horse flesh.
and, before very long, there were many others and They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums,
that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel,
(or as it came to be known "eBay" ) he said, "we need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO", said Abraham. And that is how it all began, It wasn't Al Gore after all.
OKAY EVERYONE.............IT IS MONDAY, AND WE ALL NEED A PICK ME UP....... SO HOW ABOUT POSTING SOME MORE FUN HERE TODAY.........I AM A LITTLE TAPPED OUT, SO I AM COUNTING ON EVERYONE ELSE TO BRING SOME OF THEIR MATERIAL OUT. DON'T LET ME DOWN EVERYONE...... I KNOW THAT I NEED A LITTLE GIGGLE FOR TODAY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
HUGGLES AND GOD BLESS
LADY M
HUGGLES AND GOD BLESS
LADY M
you got that right
i will try and find some good ones
~Adam A
i will try and find some good ones
~Adam A
A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is dead.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
~Adam A
A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is dead.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
~Adam A
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. - Milton Berle
A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. - Abba Eban
A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.
A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.
A crisis is when you cannot say "let's just forget the whole thing."
~Adam A
A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. - Abba Eban
A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.
A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.
A crisis is when you cannot say "let's just forget the whole thing."
~Adam A
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, intelligence'?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
~Adam A
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, intelligence'?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
~Adam A
Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.
~Adam A
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.
~Adam A
Usually everyone who has a dog either calls him "Rover", "Spot", or something. I call mine "Sex" Well- Sex is a very embarassing name. One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A cop came along and asked me what I was doing in this alley and 4 am . I said I'm looking for Sex. My case comes up next Tuesday.
One day I went to city hall to get a dog license for Sex. the clerk asked me what I wasnted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said I would like to have one too. Then I said but this is a dog. He said he didn't care how she looked. Then I said You don't understand....I've had Sex since I was two years old...He replied, you must have been a strong boy.
When I decided to get married I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said but Sex has played a big part in my life. My whole lifestyle revolves around Sex. He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone coming would enjoy have Sex there. The next day we were married by a Justice of the Peace. My whole family is barred from the church.
My wife and I took the daog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the motel is for sex. Then I said you don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night. The clerk said me too.
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on tv. He said show off. I told him it was a contest and he told me I should have sold tickets.
When my wife and I seperated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said your honor, I had sex before we were married. He said me too.
Well, now that I've been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more damn trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for...just the other day I went for my first session with the psychiartrist She asked me what my problem was. I replied, hell, sex had died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely. The doctor said look mister---you and I both know sex isn't man's best friend---get yourself a dog....
One day I went to city hall to get a dog license for Sex. the clerk asked me what I wasnted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said I would like to have one too. Then I said but this is a dog. He said he didn't care how she looked. Then I said You don't understand....I've had Sex since I was two years old...He replied, you must have been a strong boy.
When I decided to get married I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said but Sex has played a big part in my life. My whole lifestyle revolves around Sex. He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone coming would enjoy have Sex there. The next day we were married by a Justice of the Peace. My whole family is barred from the church.
My wife and I took the daog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the motel is for sex. Then I said you don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night. The clerk said me too.
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on tv. He said show off. I told him it was a contest and he told me I should have sold tickets.
When my wife and I seperated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said your honor, I had sex before we were married. He said me too.
Well, now that I've been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more damn trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for...just the other day I went for my first session with the psychiartrist She asked me what my problem was. I replied, hell, sex had died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely. The doctor said look mister---you and I both know sex isn't man's best friend---get yourself a dog....
Bumper Stickers:
Your're just jealous becuase the voices are talking to me.
Earth is full....go home
I have the body of a God.............Buddha
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
He who laughs last thinks the slowest.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person
I do whatever my rice krispies tell me to
Your're just jealous becuase the voices are talking to me.
Earth is full....go home
I have the body of a God.............Buddha
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
He who laughs last thinks the slowest.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person
I do whatever my rice krispies tell me to
it's not really a joke... it's a quote with a laugh ... appropriate for here i think...
"quitting smoking is easy... i've done it 100 times"!!!
mark twain
"quitting smoking is easy... i've done it 100 times"!!!
mark twain
The Pad-
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow
as
best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came
back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Toilet Paper-
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom
and had wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he
looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.They came
out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our
Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically,
and
suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was
shocked to discover that in addition to my son wrapped in toilet paper,
I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera.
Golf Balls-
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Nuts about You-
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter
asked if we needed any help I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your
nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and Turned
beet-red
and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Thumbtacks-
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom
and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the
store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." in a
business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN
WITH A HAMMER?"
No Accident-
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One
day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was
very
busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was
clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No."
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't
have any
clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because
the
smell was getting much worse.
Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This
time
he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and
yelled.
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked ! to death on
their
tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made
me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had in
years!
Inches-
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed
female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she
speaks. What
happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story.. We had a
female
news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned
to the weatherman and asked: So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me
last
night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
because they
were laughing so hard!
~Adam A
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they's suin' them thar cigarette companies fer causin' people to git cancer?"
"Yes Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now somebody is suin' them fast food joints fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that right Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that hot cawfee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still cain't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer. "But, why are you asking?"
"Well, I was a-thankin...What I want to know is,
kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"
"Yes Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now somebody is suin' them fast food joints fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that right Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that hot cawfee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still cain't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer. "But, why are you asking?"
"Well, I was a-thankin...What I want to know is,
kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"
Okay everyone, IT IS FRIDAY! It has been a long week, so lets have a little bit of fun today. I have some new ones, so I will post them. I love you all, and lets have a fun, and happy weekend, so here you go. Lets start it with some giggles.
Huggles
Lady M
Johnny strikes again...
Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny. At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?" The mother a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?" Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he'd be screwed if he needed to wear glasses"
Huggles
Lady M
Johnny strikes again...
Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny. At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?" The mother a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?" Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he'd be screwed if he needed to wear glasses"
WARNING: LOCK YOUR DOORS!
Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home! A North Carolina man was found dead in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk, sugar, and cornflakes. A banana was sticking out of his butt.
Police suspect a cereal killer
Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home! A North Carolina man was found dead in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk, sugar, and cornflakes. A banana was sticking out of his butt.
Police suspect a cereal killer
