God has put this man in your path.This is awesome.I was terrified when someone 12th stepped me.AA and NA have the same steps.Remember,keep an open mind.I am so excitied for you Mark.What an incredible thread this has been.Keep us posted.Best to you my friend.
Thanks, Alice,
I don't know if I CAN do this. But I know i AM going to do this! Just sitting here waiting for the phone to ring.... For Aiden to call. Funny, he's scottish and has that scottish accent. Very pleasnt to listen to.
Still, Im finding it hard to hold it together till he gets here........... not sure why??? He asked and I told him I'm not well.... still he's coming over.
If I can kick Heroin with $200 dollars worth sitting in the bathroom (I didn't flush it till about day 5), then I can go to a meeting!!
I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I need to! I'll just write some more and listen to music.
I don't know if I CAN do this. But I know i AM going to do this! Just sitting here waiting for the phone to ring.... For Aiden to call. Funny, he's scottish and has that scottish accent. Very pleasnt to listen to.
Still, Im finding it hard to hold it together till he gets here........... not sure why??? He asked and I told him I'm not well.... still he's coming over.
If I can kick Heroin with $200 dollars worth sitting in the bathroom (I didn't flush it till about day 5), then I can go to a meeting!!
I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I need to! I'll just write some more and listen to music.
You're showing courage. If nothing else it will buy you another day. Please let us know how it went.
You have a right to a good life. It seems you've suffered enough.
You have a right to a good life. It seems you've suffered enough.
Good Morning Mark,
I'm so tickled to see that you're going to a meeting. It's great that you found someone experienced in N/A to visit with you f2f. The first few times at a meeting are overwhelming at first but just allow yourself to relax and open your heart to the people you meet there. You seem to be a man who embraces knowledge. The meetings are a great place to gain understanding, share concerns, and feel connected. That last one is difficult for many addicts because we tend to isolate (in active addiction and in our recovery). In active addiction, we can't have anybody finding out what's going on so we hide away. In early recovery, we want to be in control of our situation (oh yah, like we've been soooo in control!) and when we can't be, we withdraw from the world.
I know this might sound funny but...even when my world was crumbling, I was just vain enough to make myself get dressed, do my hair and make-up, and put on some perfume so I wouldn't further crush my dignity by showing up to a meeting looking like something the cat dragged in. Looking better made me feel better and it was a bit easier to face the world. I guess I'm saying that, in the beginning, the meetings were the only reason I got my a** in gear and didn't let myself shrivel up and die on the vine.
Anyway! I can't wait to hear what you think.
Have a great day...
Callie
I'm so tickled to see that you're going to a meeting. It's great that you found someone experienced in N/A to visit with you f2f. The first few times at a meeting are overwhelming at first but just allow yourself to relax and open your heart to the people you meet there. You seem to be a man who embraces knowledge. The meetings are a great place to gain understanding, share concerns, and feel connected. That last one is difficult for many addicts because we tend to isolate (in active addiction and in our recovery). In active addiction, we can't have anybody finding out what's going on so we hide away. In early recovery, we want to be in control of our situation (oh yah, like we've been soooo in control!) and when we can't be, we withdraw from the world.
I know this might sound funny but...even when my world was crumbling, I was just vain enough to make myself get dressed, do my hair and make-up, and put on some perfume so I wouldn't further crush my dignity by showing up to a meeting looking like something the cat dragged in. Looking better made me feel better and it was a bit easier to face the world. I guess I'm saying that, in the beginning, the meetings were the only reason I got my a** in gear and didn't let myself shrivel up and die on the vine.
Anyway! I can't wait to hear what you think.
Have a great day...
Callie
in the beginning, the meetings were the only reason I got my a** in gear and didn't let myself shrivel up and die on the vine.
Beautifully said Callie.It was the same for me.I would try and find my best clothes, comb my hair[before I started shaving it] and try and look my best because inside I was dying.
I would sit at the back and just hope no one called on me.Of course they always did because it looked like I was hiding.I would always feel like a deer in the headlights and emphatically say I didn't want to share.
We are all the same.Giving up drugs is like losing a lover we've had a bad relationship with.We're terrified of being alone yet excitied something better may come along.My sponsor would keep telling me the only thing we had to change was everything.
This is the beginning of a new life Mark.I hope you embrace it and hear something today that will hit home.Get some phone numbers too.Generally people will offer you some when you let them know this is your first meeting.The guy that's picking you up is not giving up anything.You are helping him stay sober one more day too.This is how the program works.
Beautifully said Callie.It was the same for me.I would try and find my best clothes, comb my hair[before I started shaving it] and try and look my best because inside I was dying.
I would sit at the back and just hope no one called on me.Of course they always did because it looked like I was hiding.I would always feel like a deer in the headlights and emphatically say I didn't want to share.
We are all the same.Giving up drugs is like losing a lover we've had a bad relationship with.We're terrified of being alone yet excitied something better may come along.My sponsor would keep telling me the only thing we had to change was everything.
This is the beginning of a new life Mark.I hope you embrace it and hear something today that will hit home.Get some phone numbers too.Generally people will offer you some when you let them know this is your first meeting.The guy that's picking you up is not giving up anything.You are helping him stay sober one more day too.This is how the program works.
Aiden's coming at five. Six hours. Guess I'll mop the floor so the place doesn't smell like dog piss and s*** when he gets here.
Where are you? It's 2pm in Philly.
The time goes so slow in early recovery. You have your fifteen days to be grateful for! That's alot of days for us. Meanwhile you're doing the right thing keeping busy.
I have to admit that the first three months were hard for me. I just held on for one more day every day. If you look at it that way it's alot easier to deal.
Keep us posted.
The time goes so slow in early recovery. You have your fifteen days to be grateful for! That's alot of days for us. Meanwhile you're doing the right thing keeping busy.
I have to admit that the first three months were hard for me. I just held on for one more day every day. If you look at it that way it's alot easier to deal.
Keep us posted.
Hi Tim,
Yes, I remember those feelings. I first went to A/A years ago when I didn't feel like being an alcoholic anymore. I told my husband I was going to a meeting and he said "Are you gonna fix dinner before you go?"
Now, I don't have a shy bone in my body but, I've got to tell you...I was so scared. I kept thinking, "what if someone I know is here, or...what if someone sees my car parked outside". In retrospect, my fear was fueled by the knowledge that, no matter what happened, I was in for some major changes if I wanted to get sober. I got there, so unsure of what to expect, found a seat and stared at my lap until someone started sharing. I don't even remember what they said but it must have hit home because I started SOBBING uncontrollably. Maybe it was simply the relief of knowing there were people just like me that wanted what I wanted. Sobriety.
Anyway, that was my first stint with meetings. My recovery process ultimately was more involved than just going to A/A and there were other addictions to follow but that's not relevant on this thread.
A/A and N/A is a life line and I think anyone serious about recovery should grab hold of whatever line is tossed to them.
Mark! Let us know how you're doing!
Callie
Yes, I remember those feelings. I first went to A/A years ago when I didn't feel like being an alcoholic anymore. I told my husband I was going to a meeting and he said "Are you gonna fix dinner before you go?"
Now, I don't have a shy bone in my body but, I've got to tell you...I was so scared. I kept thinking, "what if someone I know is here, or...what if someone sees my car parked outside". In retrospect, my fear was fueled by the knowledge that, no matter what happened, I was in for some major changes if I wanted to get sober. I got there, so unsure of what to expect, found a seat and stared at my lap until someone started sharing. I don't even remember what they said but it must have hit home because I started SOBBING uncontrollably. Maybe it was simply the relief of knowing there were people just like me that wanted what I wanted. Sobriety.
Anyway, that was my first stint with meetings. My recovery process ultimately was more involved than just going to A/A and there were other addictions to follow but that's not relevant on this thread.
A/A and N/A is a life line and I think anyone serious about recovery should grab hold of whatever line is tossed to them.
Mark! Let us know how you're doing!
Callie
I'm in Scottsdale, Arizona. Right by Phoenix. Mopped. Place now smells like pine sol.
Five and a half hours.
Hope i can keep Auggie from pissing inside till then. He's getting older and can't be bothered with the doggie door anymore.
Frank is fine with it. Just Auggie is the problem.
My next project is to build a new doggie door that doesn't require the little hop.
Funny thing is, if I let Auggie out, he has no problem coming the door (and no choice). And it's twice the jump from outside coming in! Go figure?
m
Five and a half hours.
Hope i can keep Auggie from pissing inside till then. He's getting older and can't be bothered with the doggie door anymore.
Frank is fine with it. Just Auggie is the problem.
My next project is to build a new doggie door that doesn't require the little hop.
Funny thing is, if I let Auggie out, he has no problem coming the door (and no choice). And it's twice the jump from outside coming in! Go figure?
m
Llistening to Elton John's "Someone Saved my Life Tonight"
Hope someone saves my life tonight!
m
Hope someone saves my life tonight!
m
Glad you're keeping busy. Even the most mundane chores or activities help. Gets the blood flowing (especially if you're mopping in mid-day in Arizona!) and is an indicator that you're joining the world of the living and that you're concerned about something else besides getting high. Fancy that!
Someone is saving your life. Right now. It's YOU!
Callie
Someone is saving your life. Right now. It's YOU!
Callie
Oh, God, 2 1/2 more hours! Why can't they have these meetings in the morning? I felt so good this morning! Not now. At first I offered to drive myself there, but when he asked what stage I was at, he insisted on picking me up. luckily for that! Don't know if I could drive there right now!
Are u guys sure it's a good idea to go be in front of big groups of people at this level of vulnerability? I know in another week I'll be feeling much better!
Are u guys sure it's a good idea to go be in front of big groups of people at this level of vulnerability? I know in another week I'll be feeling much better!
Breathe, Mark, Breathe!!
You're doing fine. You're in Scottsdale, right? They should have meetings in the morning. In some larger areas, you can go right from one meeting to the next because they have them in different locations all day long. I remember meeting someone from back east somewhere a while ago. I asked what he'd been doing that day and he said he'd been going to meetings. I said that was good but what had he done the rest of the day? Not a thing. He'd gone to one meeting right after the other all day.
They also have separate mens and womens meetings. They have BIG BOOK studies and most groups have activities that you can participate in once you feel a bit better. Just get through this first one. Try and think of it as a doctors appointment where there's help from a pro who knows what's going on...who can tell you what to do to get better...who can answer questions you have.
Unless you pick up and use, you're going to be ok. I promise!
Callie
You're doing fine. You're in Scottsdale, right? They should have meetings in the morning. In some larger areas, you can go right from one meeting to the next because they have them in different locations all day long. I remember meeting someone from back east somewhere a while ago. I asked what he'd been doing that day and he said he'd been going to meetings. I said that was good but what had he done the rest of the day? Not a thing. He'd gone to one meeting right after the other all day.
They also have separate mens and womens meetings. They have BIG BOOK studies and most groups have activities that you can participate in once you feel a bit better. Just get through this first one. Try and think of it as a doctors appointment where there's help from a pro who knows what's going on...who can tell you what to do to get better...who can answer questions you have.
Unless you pick up and use, you're going to be ok. I promise!
Callie
Wasn't that bad. Got my 24 hour chit. And the Big Book. As I read the 12 steps Im already up to at least step five. Ive done a scathing moral inventory these last few days. AND WROTE IT DOWN. FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO READ (if it were ever to be published). I've bared my soul,.
But I haven't even opened the big book, so I'll not get too cocky till I read it.
Aidan was great! He's a professional Rugby player from Scotland. And just about my age. About 12 people there. I gave a short version of my story then shut up.
Bit I didn't break down. Not even close! Felt just acceptance. It was AA. I still want to try a NA. I mean i haven't had a problem with alcohol since 1975. My real deal is Heroin and all it's relatives.
I wish I knew where there was another meeting right now! I'm pumped!
M
But I haven't even opened the big book, so I'll not get too cocky till I read it.
Aidan was great! He's a professional Rugby player from Scotland. And just about my age. About 12 people there. I gave a short version of my story then shut up.
Bit I didn't break down. Not even close! Felt just acceptance. It was AA. I still want to try a NA. I mean i haven't had a problem with alcohol since 1975. My real deal is Heroin and all it's relatives.
I wish I knew where there was another meeting right now! I'm pumped!
M
See? Now that you can stop spending so much energy on resisting and fearing the meetings, you're on to much bigger and better things!! I'm glad you went, if for no other reason that to prove to yourself that you're much stronger than you believe yourself to be.
With all due respect and love and tenderness (remember, I'm a girl...I get to say stuff like that), The Steps are a process and not to be taken lightly if they are to be effective. They should be tackled with someone (a sponsor) who knows what they mean. I'd leave them for another day. For now, revel in the fact that you did something today that you didn't want to do. Celebrate yourself and be proud that you did something productive for your recovery.
Ciao!
Callie
With all due respect and love and tenderness (remember, I'm a girl...I get to say stuff like that), The Steps are a process and not to be taken lightly if they are to be effective. They should be tackled with someone (a sponsor) who knows what they mean. I'd leave them for another day. For now, revel in the fact that you did something today that you didn't want to do. Celebrate yourself and be proud that you did something productive for your recovery.
Ciao!
Callie
That's great Mark. I'm proud of you. What a difference a couple of days can make. You even spoke. I'm impressed. I bet it felt good to get it out there. When I first heard about the steps back around 1988 it was at AA. I remember thinking I could never do them because I could never make amends to people. Thats why I just read them, agreed with them and had no intention on doing them. I didn't even know what that meant.
This time around I tried to take the suggestions given to me by those I trust and respect here. I was promised that if I took it on faith and worked the program, it would make a major difference in my life. Miracles were promised. I figured that I could probably use a miracle or two so I decided I had nothing to lose. The same goes for you. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. You may have helped a person or two with your story tonight.
I looked up the meetings in my area and went to as many different locations as I could. I've been to at least ten different meetings. They all have a different feel to them. Some are better than others but they are all beneficial. It takes time but eventually you start to get what the program is about. The more you know it, the better it gets.
This is an uphill battle and at times a roller coaster ride. We are learning to deal with our emotions without numbing them. It's hard work. Instead of staying home in isolation you took action. God will begin to help you as you help yourself.
Congratulations! Glad Aiden was someone you could identify with.
This time around I tried to take the suggestions given to me by those I trust and respect here. I was promised that if I took it on faith and worked the program, it would make a major difference in my life. Miracles were promised. I figured that I could probably use a miracle or two so I decided I had nothing to lose. The same goes for you. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. You may have helped a person or two with your story tonight.
I looked up the meetings in my area and went to as many different locations as I could. I've been to at least ten different meetings. They all have a different feel to them. Some are better than others but they are all beneficial. It takes time but eventually you start to get what the program is about. The more you know it, the better it gets.
This is an uphill battle and at times a roller coaster ride. We are learning to deal with our emotions without numbing them. It's hard work. Instead of staying home in isolation you took action. God will begin to help you as you help yourself.
Congratulations! Glad Aiden was someone you could identify with.
Immediately after posting that last, I went online and found a NA meeting that started in ten minutes so I jumped in my truck and went there. Had hell finding it (my eyes are still all wrong, just like the rest of me) so I was a little late, but I found I could relate better. I really unloaded there! Everyone was so accepting and loving. After the meeting (it was about step 4) I just kind of stood by myself and had a smoke and one by one every one of them came and either just hugged me or related some similar stuff they'd been through. They promised if I just keep coming back, I'll get better. So I'm gonna do it. I could feel the love in the room and the good karma. I must have a list of twenty names and numbers. I guess that's if I get in a crisis and feel like using. Thankfully, I'm way beyond that! My mind is so past considering using, it's not even worth discussing!
Thank you God for answering my prayers. I feel so empowered! I knew if I kept after you, you would answer my prayers. I appreciate it. If there's anything I can do for you in return, just give me a sign and I'll do it. Amen
Thank you God for answering my prayers. I feel so empowered! I knew if I kept after you, you would answer my prayers. I appreciate it. If there's anything I can do for you in return, just give me a sign and I'll do it. Amen
BTW, Much thanks to Alice, Callie, Tim, Haylz and the rest. without your guidance, I don't think I would have found the path.
Thank god for the internet! Amen!!!!
Mark
Thank god for the internet! Amen!!!!
Mark
Hi Mark!
Wow! You've been a very busy boy today. I'm glad you were able to experience an N/A meeting. Being pro-active is very empowering, isn't it? I have to laugh at you though. You said you didn't wanna be givin' no speeches and if anybody tried to make you, why...you'd just up and leave. You've spoken at two different meetings today and no one even had to hold a gun to your head!
Callie
Wow! You've been a very busy boy today. I'm glad you were able to experience an N/A meeting. Being pro-active is very empowering, isn't it? I have to laugh at you though. You said you didn't wanna be givin' no speeches and if anybody tried to make you, why...you'd just up and leave. You've spoken at two different meetings today and no one even had to hold a gun to your head!
Callie
Yeah, I was so scared. lol
After about four people said their piece at the NA meeting everyone kind of looked at me and no one said anything. So, I introduced myself and just looked at the heavens and let it all come out! From getting addicted to Heroin in Thailand in 1972 to the addiction and subsuquent bust in Texas by that a****** Texas Ranger to being a theiving Junkie for a couple years in Phoenix. The thirty years of on and off pain pills, to the last six months Junkie again. I told em I just finally gave up after much discussion on this website (I couldn't remember the name of it)..But I gave you folks your due credit! After that, no one volunteered any more stories. I think mine kind of floored everyone. The folks that ran the meeting looked directly at me while having their say after that.
I didn't mind.
I need help and I know it and they know it and they know I know it. No big secret.
Just by being there, I was screaming for help! And they are all more than happy to oblige! It was really too cool! I can't wait to go back tomorrow.
Love, Mark
Yesterday, I couldn't drive myself to the market and now I''m driving ten miles to North Scottsdale to meetings!
After about four people said their piece at the NA meeting everyone kind of looked at me and no one said anything. So, I introduced myself and just looked at the heavens and let it all come out! From getting addicted to Heroin in Thailand in 1972 to the addiction and subsuquent bust in Texas by that a****** Texas Ranger to being a theiving Junkie for a couple years in Phoenix. The thirty years of on and off pain pills, to the last six months Junkie again. I told em I just finally gave up after much discussion on this website (I couldn't remember the name of it)..But I gave you folks your due credit! After that, no one volunteered any more stories. I think mine kind of floored everyone. The folks that ran the meeting looked directly at me while having their say after that.
I didn't mind.
I need help and I know it and they know it and they know I know it. No big secret.
Just by being there, I was screaming for help! And they are all more than happy to oblige! It was really too cool! I can't wait to go back tomorrow.
Love, Mark
Yesterday, I couldn't drive myself to the market and now I''m driving ten miles to North Scottsdale to meetings!
